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1.
It wasn't a single moment that brought Kim back into the family, but an accumulation of things that he could no longer ignore.
It started, of course, with Porsche's arrival. A lot of Kim's problems started the same way lately so it was only fitting. Porsche was added to their family at his fathers insistence. When he proved to be both a top fighter and one of their seers Kim printed out a picture of his information and stuck it on his board. When he heard from Big, always oversharing in his attempt to 'protect' Kinn, that Porsche didn't just read it , he could completely deflect it , well.....
Kim knew a lot about Porsche’s life.
He had technically left the family business years ago, sick of the person he was becoming, was forced to become by his father’s endless games, but that didn't mean he stopped caring. Porsche became too close to his brothers too fast, their natures softer, more vulnerable, and Kim wasn't about to let anything happen that he could prevent.
So he looked into Porsche, and his brother (a kind of goofy kid who seemed devastated at the loss of his brother. Kim knew when to leave well enough alone, no matter what Tankhun thought), and his parents (dead, very suspiciously dead). The further Kim dove into the mystery the less things added up. It was like Kim was right on the edge of something, something big involving the Kittisitawats and his family, when Kinn and Porsche were kidnapped and only Kinn came back.
Not all of Kinn came back. He was quieter but more volatile, fiercer in protecting himself and his other bodyguards but more reckless in his deals and fights. He refused to tell anyone what happened to Porsche, just choked out "He's gone, he's dead" and never mentioned it again. With Porsche’s ability they had no way of verifying. The new Kinn was dangerous, especially to himself.
Now, the thing about Kim “leaving” the family was that he never truly had. At 15, Kim discovered he could do things no one else in their family could.
The Theerapanyakuls were all raised vicious and intensely aware of exactly what power they held. It was, after all, how they had built up and kept their status for as many generations as they had. Very few other organized crime syndicates even knew about resentment , let alone used it to keep an iron fist around their territory. It was why the Minor and Major families had always had more infighting than attacks from the outside. When no one else can fight you, it turns inward.
Not everyone had the same control. Tankhun refuses to use it after he was kidnapped. Vegas had an affinity for pulling out the most painful memories with it . Kinn always knew exactly where it was around them.
Kim was something else.
At 15 his father had sent him to handle a situation with a new weapons dealer in the area. The man had laughed in his face when Kim had first shown up, 15 and all limbs. He had quickly stopped laughing when he realized no one else was coming. He got mad, pulled a gun and threatened to shoot Kim if they didn't take him seriously. Kim had rolled his eyes - no one was actually stupid enough to shoot a Theerapanyakul heir - except he overestimated the man's control. The bullet fired but it never reached him.
Instead it hung in the air just before his face, spinning and spinning as it slowly disintegrated. They both froze, watching it until there was nothing left, and then Kim got mad. It felt like static electricity, like a spark just under his skin and it spread through his body, all the way to his fingertips as he threw himself at the arms dealer. Kim was used to death, and was used to dealing it. By 15 he was already whispered about throughout the guard barracks, that Khun Kim, he's going to be the worst of them all. But he had never seen a death like this. The spark intensified as he tightened his hands around the man's neck until it suddenly slipped away. Kim watched as the dealer choked and started to convulse, his eyes popping out and his mouth starting to foam. Even after Kim had let him go his body convulsed, ears and eyes and nose slowly leaking blood until the man was still.
He had made the mistake of telling his father about it in his debrief and found himself in training that neither Kinn nor Tanhkhun had to attend. He learned how to use resentment in a way that no one else could, to feed it , match its intentions with his own and direct it exactly as he wanted it . He became a weapon no one else could control.
It was him that handled the dirtiest of jobs, even after he moved out. No one could walk in and out of a bloodbath so clean as he could and if it meant Kinn and Khun were spared Kim would suck it up and do a job for his father every couple of weeks.
New Kinn started taking on the jobs Kim was used to. His new attitude made him bloodthirsty and cruel, perfect for the type of violence needed to force people to do exactly what he wanted. But Kim knew Kinn better. He could see the shake in Kinn's hands when he would return, the way he would lock himself in his room for hours and refuse to look anyone in the eye. It was killing Kinn on the inside, whatever had happened to him, and he was trying to force it out but it was only getting worse.
The breaking point was the day one of their seers died in the middle of the training floor. The seers were just like the bodyguards, an employee. Kinn and Khun treated their personal guards like friends but no one except their father had a personal seer so the relationship between them and the main family was limited. Usually Kim would read about what they saw secondhand or hear it from one of the spies he had in the house. This day was different. As Kim walked through the hallway past the training grounds he heard a crash and then a piercing scream. Whoever it was sounded like they were in agony, the scream going and going until Kim had to look in himself.
A seer was on the ground, surrounded by everyone else as they screamed. It was unnatural, the stillness of them paired with the pain in their screams. The seer took a breath as Kim slipped in, the door creaking just slightly. His head snapped to Kim, eyes drilling deep into Kim's.
"You'll be there," the seer said, "You'll be there, you'll be there, you'll be there youll be there youll be there," on and on until he had to take another breath.
"It's your fault it finds him" he said lightly, and his eyes went dead and Kim knew he was gone. Kim stared at the seer for just a second then turned back the way he came and continued on with his day, hands balled into clammy fists where no one else could see them.
It seemed that he wasn't done with the family yet.
2.
Alaska was both a punishment and an escape. When their family had taken over The Seven Doors of Doom it had a twofold advantage: strategic land close to the Japanese on the other side of the Pacific and sheer power. The Doors were an old Nuclear weapons facility that was set on an island that had seen centuries of war and misery. It was a breeding ground for resentment that even his father was wary of.
He had told his sons as much when he called them into a meeting, just at the beginning of June.
"The Mayor of Adak has recently requested access to land all over Adak in an effort to find the Dwarfstaf treasure. That includes around the manor and the Doors," Tankhun perked up from where he had been idly flicking a feather against the chair back.
“I have agreed to let him conduct the search with the stipulation that we are to be involved in some way. As you all know the Doors are unstable as a source. Someone needs to monitor them for a couple of months while the team the Mayor has put together works.”
Kinn barely glanced up from where he was swirling his glass. “Which of the seers are you sending then? No one is particularly reliable when it comes to detecting it except for us.”
“Well, that is why I am sending one of you to do it,” their father said calmly, like he was talking about a quick check in, not months of isolation. Tankhun erupted into complaints, from “You cannot make me leave this house for that long” to “They aren't going to have my preferred form of hair dye there! Do they even have hair dye in Alaska?” while Kinn clenched his fist in surprise and accidentally disappeared the glass in it. In any other circumstance it would have been a cool trick but Kim was more focused on how his father’s gaze did not waver while he watched Kim.
Of course it would be him. Pa had made it very clear to Kim recently how unhappy he had been. In the past couple of months Kim had been forced to deal with the Minor family because Kinn and Vegas were about one cough in the wrong direction away from killing each other. Kim and Vegas on the other hand got along too well. It was too easy to slip into using it between the two of them when a deal was taking too long or someone was reluctant to speak.
Vegas also knew things his father had no idea about. Connections between gangs and whispers from the underground that the Main family didn’t touch. For a price he would offer a select few to Kim. Kim had started to build an idea recently, that there was something more to their family history with resentment than any of them knew. He took what he could from Vegas and worked only when he was sure no one could see it.
Somehow, the way he always did, his father had gotten wind of Kim and Vegas’ deal. Kim had spent an uncomfortable afternoon chess game being reminded why the Minor family was just that through the form of anecdotes and pointed fruit cutting. He knew his father had not been pleased when Kim waited until the apple was sliced before he left without eating any of it. Forcible separation from the root of the problem, it seemed, would be his punishment.
Kim had another idea forming though.
It was hard being back in the family full time. Once, a long time ago, WIꓘ had told a crowd of people that music was worth anything, was worth every sacrifice. Kim had made it the sacrifice for his family but he still missed it. WIꓘ was a side of himself that was free from the burdens that came with being a Theerapanyakul and while he knew he was too old to ignore them now, he did still miss that time in his life. Alaska was far, too far for anyone to get to him through it or track him properly. Sure it was remote but being remote didn't have to be bad. It could be his chance to take back a little freedom and investigate exactly what his father was hiding without eyes everywhere.
Kim folded his hands together neatly and relaxed back into his chair.
"I suppose I can spare a couple of months. We all know Kinn wouldn't be able to handle the cold." Kinn protested in response, an easy reply to his ribbing but his brow furrowed. Kim knew he would be worried about the Doors, about what Kim would do in his time there with all that resentment and no one to check him. The look of revulsion on Kinn’s face when he walked in on Kim’s practice one day was burned into his memory.
“It seems we’re settled then,” Pa said, “You’ll have to really keep an eye out, Adak is a special place, one that most people are not prepared for.”
Kim nodded back, just as calm. “I’m sure it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
3.
There was a tang in the air when Kim arrived in Adak, a hint of sea and something he was sure no one else could taste. The island was beautiful with soft green hills that dropped off into red cliffs and an open view of the sea to the East. It was nothing like Bangkok and Kim was....excited. It had been a long time since he was able to go anywhere and just breathe. The island was quiet too, with how few people there were; it was mostly just the sound of the wind racing down the hills or waves hitting the shore. Kim rolled his shoulders and neck as he walked through the town and felt them both finally loosen. By the time he made it to the Mayor's office Kim was feeling like a different person. He was feeling like WIꓘ.
Kim had always known his brothers thought WIꓘ was just some way for him to pass time, that his return was inevitable and he was having a bit of a tantrum. A bit of a multi-years long tantrum. But WIꓘ had mattered more than that. Kim has spent hours upon hours perfecting who he wanted WIꓘ to be; The perfect idol in looks and performance and attitude. WIꓘ could be the friendliest person you've ever met. Of course he never showed that to his brother but it was a useful skill none the less. Kim strode into the Mayor's office with a light smile on his face.
Mayor Frank was boring but desperate. He clearly cared about what happened to Adak over anything, even the treasure itself which Kim could almost admire if he didn't know about how doomed Adak was from the start. The place had thrived in war times, only pushed to its greatest height as resentment flooded it in the 80s and 90s with the Cold War. Now it was just a shell with no real use to anyone but people like Kim. Still, it was a good opportunity for Kim to spend time in Adak and an interesting quest nonetheless. Digging through history brought trouble one way or another and Kim wanted to see exactly how much trouble they could make. He agreed to all of Mayor Frank's requests (an assistant for the UXO, land access, funding for the research team) and left with the promise to visit himself every once in a while.
Kim relayed the information back to his family, that nothing seemed amiss, that the gold hunt seemed harmless, etc etc everything they were expecting him to say. He even threw in a couple vague remarks to make himself seem angry.
It clearly worked when not a minute later Tanhkhun called him. Kim smiled to himself before he cleared his throat and picked up.
"What," he opened with. Tankhun huffed down the line. "Don't snap at me, I didn't send you to Alaska. Besides, you deserve a little punishment after you've been snooping everywhere the past couple of weeks." That threw Kim off.
"I haven't been snooping. I've been doing my job of keeping you all safe," he stressed. Khun huffed again.
"Okay, Nosy, but don't think I don't know about you sneaking into my room." Kim had done that because his father had planted listening devices there probably exactly for phone calls like this. Whatever.
"Khun do you have something to actually say or can I go? I still have to get to the Manor and check on the staff there."
"Oh that's why I called!" He exclaimed "Do you know who the high level staff are yet?" Kim said he didn’t and Tankhun cackled.
"Have fun then my dear youngest brother, I'm sure it’ll make your trip that much better." And he hung up. Kim pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at the "Call Ended" screen, a headache starting to form just behind his eyes.
The headache got worse. They had sent him Big.
Big was competent at his job. He was good with a gun and had experience with weapons and explosives well beyond most of the other guards under their service. He also had an undying loyalty to the family that made him invaluable. It was also that loyalty that made him annoying. He had a horrendously obvious crush on Kinn that led to petty fights constantly. Big was antagonistic to anyone he thought Kinn even looked at and spent more time in his reports talking about Kinn than the actual mission. The worst part was Kinn had no idea, too wrapped up in his own world to care anymore. That made it everyone else's problem.
Kim was not happy to see Big. The last time they had worked together had been 5 years ago, when Big had been hurt and assigned to him temporarily. It had been during the Porsche debacle and Big couldn't hide his jealousy. Big was clearly remembering the same thing if the sour look on his face meant anything.
"Khun Kim," he greeted respectfully, "I have been assigned to help out as the designated team member in the gold hunt." Kim nodded and looked Big up and down. He was older now, just hitting 30, and they were in a different country than Kinn. Maybe he'd be tolerable this time.
"Khun Kinn said it'd be the best to help out with the particular UXOs they'll be dealing with. I tried to explain that I can’t help with it at all though, but I think that's part of the punishment of sending me. I must have failed Khun Kinn in some way recently."
Maybe not.
It was obvious early on that there was something wrong with the Doors. There were a few people in the history of their family that could see a physical manifestation of resentment but Kim wasn't one of them. He could, however, sense it well. Kinn had better accuracy but Kim held his own especially when he needed to use it. Resentment was nebulous, would spread in an area like a mist, impossible to fully grasp. The Doors felt like a wall, a presence so strong even Kim hesitated to get close. It was clear the build up in Adak was much worse than they had realized and no one had any idea why. It might have been the history of the place but Kim had been to sights of tragedies before and none of them felt like this. He had tremors in his hands by the time he finished his perimeter walk of the Doors.
It was weird , so he actually caved in and called his father. He didn’t get much from the conversation, not that he expected to, but it was something when Pa said “When we were buying them I was given a bit of a history lesson from the local government. When the weapons were removed in the 90s everything else came to a stop almost immediately after.” The end of the Cold War, there wouldn’t have been much use for the military there anymore.
“But they kept the compound locked down for a while after that. It seemed that there were concerns that those who had been taking care of it needed extra time to be retrained, they were much more aggressive than those stationed elsewhere. It used to be an extremely secure sight, with ground mines and permission to use deadly force on all parts of the compound. Perhaps it’ s just used to a stronger level.” They didn’t often talk about how resentment had its own mind but it did. Just like a force of nature there were parts of it they could not control and could not understand. It was possible though, that there would be a record somewhere of those who had worked at the Doors before, something that could describe exactly their experience.
Over the next few weeks Kim spent most of his time split between doing what he could for the family remotely and visiting the Doors. He would stand in front of them for hours to test his limits, until his skin was crawling and his head ached. It hurt and it never felt like it got easier. But something about the kind of power behind the Doors was intoxicating. It was like a beacon, calling him back day after day to stand and stare, like he could see into it.
The day before the gold hunt was supposed to start Kinn called him. Kinn and Kim had been close as children but after Kinn was made the heir and Kim was made into a weapon they clashed constantly. It only got worse after Kim moved out: Kinn thought he had abandoned the family and Kim couldn't stand to hear his fathers words come out of his brother's mouth. They would barely speak, only on important matters or if the whole family had to come together.
Kinn and Kim never stopped loving each other but they stopped liking each other. Even after Kim dropped WIꓘ to rejoin the family at full capacity he never could recover the relationship he had with Kinn. But they were both grown men, they had their duty and their loyalty so they stuck together. The Theerapanyakuls were a family with a strong front.
Kinn wouldn't be making a social call, especially at the time of day he was calling at.
"Hello," he answered, "What do you need?" Kinn grumbled immediately.
"What kind of way is that to talk to your brother?" Kim rolled his eyes, already tired of the conversation. Tankhun called him a drama queen but Kinn was worse.
"The way I get you to the point the fastest," Kim replied. Kinn grumbled more before he cleared his throat and said "Kim, there's something not quite right about your whole Adak trip."
Kim sat straight up in his chair, a chill running through him. If Kinn had noticed too it was bad.
"Why do you say that," he probed.
"Something just feels wrong," Kinn said, sounding frustrated, "Papa is much too excited about this. He's been talking about it non-stop all week, about how much they're going to discover while there. Since when has he ever been interested in treasure hunting?"
That was concerning. Kim had been suspicious from the start but he had been focused on the Doors, on the resentment . It never occurred to him that his father would actually be interested in the Dwarstaf search. And why would he be. They were not getting any of the profit off of it, they were barely getting any credit for helping, Big reluctant to let his name be printed in the local news paper. So why would an old Thai man invest in a treasure hunt? It reeked of one of his father’s games, the kind that never fully revealed its purpose until it was already over. Kim tapped his lip in thought, trying to figure where exactly he had been placed in the board.
"It might be a new hobby," he finally replied, "But it could do with the history of the island, its particular brand of resentment and what it could be attached to."
"What, just because there's a little bit more there than in most places Papa thinks it's going to cause problems? People walk through it everyday without realizing, unless one of them is actively evil it won't attach itself."
Kinn didn't know, Kim realized, he had no idea about how bad it was, Pa hadn't told him. Another piece.
"And also, I heard they're bringing a Thai professor in to assist on the hunt? The odds are so slim it has to be something," Kinn continued.
Clearly Big was still feeding him information.
"I've looked into the professor. He was specially called for his research. He's done work in the Aluseians before and has no connection with us or any other associated families. Big probably just doesn't like that he won't be able to curse at anyone without them knowing now." Kinn laughed a bit.
"Okay, if you've looked into it I trust that." That sent a warm sort of feeling through Kim. They might not like each other, but they loved each other. It was nice to be reminded sometimes.
He let out a soft breath and said "Kinn, whatever is happening, I can handle it."
"I know you can," he replied in kind, "But just be careful." Kim hummed back in acknowledgement. They stayed silent for a moment, just breathing into the phone and feeling the care that was so often missing in their interactions.
"So," Kinn broke the silence," How is, I mean, are you liking Alaska?"
"Good bye, Kinn," Kim hung up.
Kim kept their conversation in mind as he went about his day. Big was attending the first meeting for the Dwargstaf hunt so Kim would wait for his report later. In the meantime he was busy handling communication issues between them and some American politicians who thought a little too highly about themselves. They were still fighting the land purchase the Theerapanyakuls had made on Adak, claiming they had no right or means to properly purchase it.
Kim was one more phone call away from learning how to use it to terrorize someone's dreams.
While he worked through the many many pages they had sent him in anger he got a text. He almost ignored it once he saw it was from Big but something made him pause.
We have a problem, read the first text.
Something just feels wrong
Professor Bay brought a research assistant he didn't tell us about originally. His name is Porschay Kittisitawat.
4.
Porschay should have been boring. On paper he looked like this:
Porschay Pichaya Kittisitiwat was a 22 year old soon to be masters student. He and his brother moved from Bangkok when he was 18 and moved to Ao Nan where he completed high school and did his undergrad in Geology at a local university. In his life, Porschay had done nothing and been no one important. He did not show the same athletic aptitude as his brother, nor did he pursue his original dream of music and music production. He was a pleasant but unremarkable person.
Something that all his research failed to find was that Porschay would look you in the eyes and say things like "The day I played you The Beached Whale, you didn’t ask about Porsche or the move, really anything, a single time. It was the first time I saw you really laugh".
Nowhere did it say he would play the nice guy until he hit his limit and that was when he would reveal he had seen more of you than you ever knew you had shown.
It should have been a relief. Porschay had no idea about the history of their families. There were no bad intentions for him coming to Adak and he would even look into how Porsche was alive. Kim's curiosity won over his paranoia over the matter, he would keep his promise to Porschay. Kim could watch Porsdchay from a distance to determine when he would be ready to train as a seer and that was it. There was no other reason for them to interact.
It didn't feel like relief. It felt kind of like panic actually, a rock settling into his stomach that grew heavier as Kim replayed watching Porschay walk out of the office. Kim had not felt anything like this in a long, long time and he didn't know what to do.
Kim knew how to fool everyone, including himself. He had spent the past couple of weeks pretending every moment had been for a higher purpose.
Find out Porchay’s intentions, find out if he knew about the family, find out how his brother was alive
None of those explained why he had wanted to reach out and grab Porschay before he could leave. They didn't explain why he had a picture on his phone of a handwritten song he found in Porschays folder. They couldn't explain why it felt like Kim was actually starting to care about Porschay and not the mission.
Kim was in a foul mood for the rest of the week. He had come to Adak to do his job and to do his own research, not to play house with someone he was going to force to work for him in a couple months.
He threw himself into research, barely speaking to anyone unless it was required.
In the time he had been in Adak Kim had managed to look into the Kittisitawat crash more. Supposedly it had been an accident by drunk driving, a friend of their fathers that had been covered up. But Kim knew this supposed friend. He had been the one to kill him a few years back when he had sold some Theerpanyakul meeting spots to the Italians. He was never a friend of the family and if he had ever caused an accident they would never have stepped in. In fact, the more Kim looked into it the more he realized there had never been an accident.
The autopsy reports didn't even bother to fake the injuries of Pat and Neumpheung. They also remarked how Porsche, supposedly present in the totaled car, was completely unharmed. He was catatonic but physically fine. The only thing of interest was that he refused to take his hands off his ears.
There were lines being drawn, between his father, his uncle, Nampeung and Pat, Porsche, even Porschay. It felt like Kim was just on the edge of discovery but he was stuck on an island in Alaska and couldn't get access to anything more than what he had with him without his father knowing about it.
Kim's anger peaked when he felt The Seven Doors split open from all the way in town. He had gone into town to look into military records for the compound. There were reports for all of the years it had been operational but almost all of them had been the typical clinical military report. A few, however, had been incident reports. All of the incidents had a similar source: someone working inside the compound had been acting a bit jumpy for a couple of weeks before they snapped. The snap was never external though, all of them had been reported to be found wandering the compound, skin cut and bruised in ways that hadn’t been self inflicted but had no explanation. None of the injuries were consistent though.
One of them was described as having lost his sight after he was found - it was like he hadn’t blinked in days. Another had been found with his stomach torn open, his organs barely held in by the strips of skin left. Kim was frustrated with the lack of regularity. He hadn’t seen or caused an injury like any of those mentioned before, so it was possible they didn’t have anything to do with it.
He was just putting the folder back when he felt all of his nerve endings jump. The Doors occasionally fluctuated with how strong its presence was. This was much much stronger than any of the fluctuations had been. Kim spun around immediately and stepped through it up the hill. Something like fear hit him when he saw Big's car parked in front of the gates. Just past the main structure he could see figures on the hill and he knew, knew , that it was the professor and Porschay.
The resentment was so thick Kim felt blinded by it. He prepared himself to try and push it . It was the newest trick he had been trying to learn; If he could force it into this plane why couldn't he force it out. It hurt like hell to do so, akin to fire running through his veins, but he had managed to do it, just once before.
Kim took a deep breath and reached out, his hands already shaking a bit when all of a sudden it felt ...less. Like a steady trickle it weakened until Kim couldn't tell it from any other day. He couldn't feel where it went, couldn't tell how it had dissipated, only that it had.
The figures on the hill moved to make their way back around the building, snapping Kim out of the haze he was in. He turned into it and landed in his office before they could notice him. The rush of adrenaline left him feeling even more unstable and the second Big stepped into his office to report on the day Kim was on him. He grabbed his collar and hauled him into the wall. Big hit it hard enough for his head to snap back but Kim didn't give him any time to recover. He threw an arm up to press his forearm against Bigs throat, pinning him in place. By the time Big recovered enough to make sense of his position Kim was about to snap.
Big got a good look at Kim's face and his eyes went wide.
" Khun Kim what," he started but Kim pressed harder to cut him off.
"Do you know what happened the second you brought Porschay to the Doors?" Big frantically shook his head. "No, you wouldn't, because you cannot feel it . Which is why I have always said stay away from them. But you decided, without telling me, to go anyway."
Big shook his head again. His face was starting to turn a concerning color red so Kim eased off a bit. It wouldn't do to kill him no matter how angry he was right now. Big took in a couple shaky breaths before he rushed to explain himself.
"I apologize Khun Kim, I had no idea they would react differently. I had taken them there for research data they needed, I didnt think,"
"You're right about that! Porschay is a seer, one we don't know the strength of yet and you dropped him into the middle of a minefield of resentment ," Kim growled. He felt out of control. Seeing Porschay on the hill felt worse than the way the doors had exploded. It was a split second of pure, primal fear. Big looked terrified now, like he was just realizing how badly he had fucked up. Kim threw his hands away and stalked over to his desk, no longer able to stand the sight of Big. He could hear him stumble behind him but Kim focused his gaze on the windows instead, hands clenching and unclenching with the want, the need to destroy something. The Doors looked down on him from the hill, mocking him and his inability to understand. Mocking his weakness now that he did understand. He cared about Porschay in a way he hadn't ever expected and it scared him. If his mere presence at the Doors caused such a problem with it he didn't know what long term exposure would do. But the process couldn't be stopped once it was started, Kim could only watch on as Porschay would fall deeper and deeper into his visions.
Behind him Big was finally moving normally again.
"I apologize," he rasped out, "it was an oversight, it will not happen again." Kim waved a hand to dismiss him. Slipping in front of Big was bad enough he didn't need to continue this conversation. Big didnt leave right away though. He hesitated at the doorway and asked in a wary voice, "If I can know though, what happened when Porschay got to the Doors?"
Kim turned his head just enough to glare over his shoulder. It was enough to send Big scrambling away. He had become a little too comfortable with Kim lately, maybe a little scare was a good thing.
But that wasn't the only reason Kim had not answered him. He still had no idea why it had reacted that way and was at a loss as to where to start to find out. The way it dissipated so quickly was bad. All resentment went somewhere. Most hung around until someone was unfortunate enough for it to attach to them but some would sink into the land. It was usually a long process. The resentment this afternoon had disappeared in seconds.
Kim took one last look up the hill before he swung the curtains shut and sat properly at his desk. It seemed that he would need to call his cousin soon.
5.
Kim felt like he was about to come apart at the seams.
It had been years since he felt afraid, all of the fear he held as a kid forced deep down so he could do his job. All of it had come roaring to the surface the second he felt Porschay arrive at the Doors. It was the same as it had been the first time Porschay had visited, a detonation of it that set Kim alight in the worst of ways. He had woken up gasping and clawing at his arms as all of his nerves burned. The second he could orient himself properly he grabbed his shoes and threw himself into it to get to the Doors. Porschay was standing barefoot just inside the first set of gates, screaming , a horrible, guttural sound that went on and on. Kim grabbed him just as Porschsy crumbled, his throat finally giving out.
Kim pulled him into his chest and held him there, saying anything he could to try and break Porschay out of the trance he was in. Porschay was ice cold to the touch. It took what felt like ages to bring him back to reality and when Porschay finally did try to speak it was raw and rough, his throat torn to shreds from screaming. Kim had enough of a mind to send a text to his staff to get a car up but Porschay seemed like he was barely holding on. Just when Kim finally got him up and moving again Porschay freaked out, thrashing and begging to be let go. Kim couldn’t make full sense of what he was saying, just incoherent panic, so he forced Porschay down and tried whatever he could to get him to close his eyes.
Porschay hadn't stopped shaking, even asleep. Kim hadn't either. The second he guaranteed Porschay was safe in one of the rooms in his wing he shut himself in his office and all but collapsed at his desk. It was the same, it was just the same as all of those soldiers who had worked at the base. The only difference was Porschay had been taken from right where Kim had left him. From where Kim had, had....
The fear built and built until Kim was dizzy with it. He had no idea what was going on anymore and it scared him. Worse, it was hurting Porschay and it was all Kim's fault. He just had to keep pushing and pushing, looking for answers and putting anyone else in harm's way. There was something way bigger and way worse on this island than some old military base and a little resentment , something Kim had not been warned about.
Something just feels wrong
Kim grabbed his phone and dialed Kinn, not giving him a second to speak when he finally picked up.
"You need to get me Porsche's number now," he practically growled.
Kinn made a choking noise. "Kim what-you know Porsche is, is"
"I know for a fact he's not dead and I know you do too," Kim cut him off. Breaking his promise to Porschay was worth it if it did something, anything to help him. Besides, in the weeks since Kim had spoken to Porschay about it he had come to the conclusion that Kinn had to know something. There was no other way he would have been so firm on telling them Porsche was dead otherwise.
"How?" Kinn asked, incredulous.
"Because his little brother is the research assistant sent here with the professor you were worried about. This place, the Doors, they're doing something to him and I need to talk to Porsche to see if he knows why." It was giving away too much, Kim knew that. For him to ask this much of Kinn, there was no way to hide his affection. But Kim needed to figure out what was going on. For more than just Porschay, it was too present here, too potent. Kim had been sent here for a reason, punishment aside. His connection to it was probably the only reason Porschay wasn’t trapped at the Doors still, going insane.
Kinn was silent for a couple beats. Just as Kim opened his mouth to yell at him, Kinn spoke.
"I'll call him. Porsche has spent years making sure Porschsy had nothing to do with our family, he must be especially upset with you for exposing him. Besides, it's long overdue, five years is a long time." The last part was said softer, more wistfully. Kim's shaking got worse.
"This isnt the time for you to connect with an old fling, Kinn, this is fucking serious and you need to think with you head right now not your dick. You’re not calling Porsche to ask him out you’re calling him to find out if he knows why Porschsy has been practically posessed by resentment before it fucking kills him!"
"I-" Kinn stuttered out, "Kim what's happening? Pa joked you were handling a ghost problem but I thought he meant a figurative one, not a literal one." Kim's entire body went cold.
"Call Porsche now," he said with numb lips then hung up and flung his phone as hard as he could into the wall behind him. It shattered to the background of him screaming in frustration but it wasn't enough. Kim stepped through it into the dining room downstairs. He hadn't been part of the planning for the manor but he remembered Khun slaving over the designs. Except for the office he had decorated himself, Kim thought everything in the house was too gaudy. An island on the brink of extinction and they built a house of gold? It was horrendous. But their father had been delighted by it, a show of "exactly who the Theerapanyakuls were ''.
Kim started with the sconces, glittering and heavy with their gold plating. He ripped one off the wall and smashed it into the next, shattering them both. He whipped a broken piece across the room, a dead shot for the marble facade between windows.
A ghost problem
There was no doubt in Kim's mind his father knew exactly what was going on. He had probably planned this from the beginning and Kim had missed it. All of his schemes and research were child’s play against his father--one step ahead still put him three steps behind.
The chairs were next, the solid oak no match for how hard Kim smashed them into the ground. He could use it , could wipe this entire room clean until all that remained were piles of ashes but it was unpredictable right now. With Porschay in the house he wasn't sure what a move that big would do, how it would affect him. Kim let out another strangled scream, fear and anger and frustration that he cared so much bundled into one terrible emotion. The curtain rods groaned and creaked as Kim pulled them down, great swaths of fabric cascading the ground as he moved from one window to the next.
There was something satisfying about ripping up all of the Theerapanyakul pride with his bare hands.
Just as Kim was about to throw the dish cabinet in the corner of the room the door opened. Kim was sure he looked a mess, hair strewn everywhere, scratches from splinters all down his arms and his face twisted up. Big took him and the scene in and it looked like he swallowed a lemon.
"Sorry to interrupt, Khun Kim, but Porschay has woken up and is attempting to leave." Kim was over to the door in the blink of an eye, just in time to see one of their guards pull a gun on Porschay. Kim blacked out for a second, a type of anger he didn't know he possessed taking over before he could reign himself in.
He heard Porschsy plea to be let go, his voice mangled from his screams before but still desperate. The guard replied with something about Kinn's orders and oh, oh the second Kim saw Kinn again they were going to be down an Heir.
"Get Porschay out of here before I end up murdering every guard in the manor." He grit out to Big. Big hesitated. "Shouldn't we keep him here, after what happened this is probably the safest place for him to be."
Kim clenched his fist around the doorknob and felt it give way into dust.
"This is the worst place for him to be. Kinn knows about him now which means the rest of the family does too. He's too exposed here, too close to the source." Again, it was too much information. Kim had made a reputation of being mysterious and unknown and he was destroying it all in one day. But Big had been there from the beginning; If there was one person who could possibly know how much Porschay mattered to Kim, it was him. "Tell him to talk to Porsche, find out if there's anything he knows."
Big didn’t look convinced but he bowed anyway and strode over to bark orders at the guard with the gun. Kim couldn't stand to watch Porschay leave so he closed the door but all the fire had gone out of him. He slumped against the door and put his hands over his face. Kim breathed, in and out, until he could stand to look at the wreck he had made. It didn't make him feel better anymore, it made him feel like a child who threw a temper tantrum. This was exactly why he had been trapped in his own games.
He needed to get Porschay out. The gold hunt was almost over, soon enough Porschsy would leave Adak and be safe back in Thailand in his little beach town. Kim would make sure of it. The only way he could think to protect Porschay would be to completely cut him out of their world.
Sick to his stomach, Kim took one last breath and funneled all he was feeling into the resentment in the air around him until it started to eat through the damage in the room.
6.
The last door gave way to a sight that Kim would never, never forget.
The door opened up to a concrete platform that stopped halfway to the wall on the other side of it. High up ahead there was a single lightbulb to give out just enough light to see everything, but not enough to chase away all of the shadow. There was the sound of running water, somewhere beyond the platform in the yawning dark.
Kim didn’t notice any of it. In fact, he had to be told, later, once he was back in Thailand, by Kinn. When they debriefed their father and Kinn looked at Kim to back him up about the details Kim nodded along but it was all news to him, too.
Instead, Kim saw this:
Porschay was on all fours on the ground, his head hanging between his arms. His shoulders were tensed and rounded, like he was fighting off a strong weight pressing him down. One of his arms was dark and twisted just enough to look uncomfortable but that wasn’t the most concerning part.
Porschay was at the edge of the platform. One of his hands was curled over it, clutching so tight his knuckles had gone completely pale. He was looking over the edge.
Porsche tried to throw himself into the room and to his brother before anyone else could react. At his yell, Porschay snapped his head up to look at them. Behind Kim, Big made a retching noise.
Porschay was covered in so much blood. Across his face and down his neck there were barely any spots that were clean anymore. His once clear, bright eyes were a deep red as he cried more and more of it, down his face and onto the concrete below him. The pool of blood below him was large enough it had begun to run rivers across the rest of the platform. The smell of it permeated the rest of the room. Kim thought he would choke on it. Even when Porschay threw a hand up and said “Stop, please,” it came out wrong, his voice too thick with blood to be clear.
Kim felt like he was 15 again, watching as a man he touched bled out just the same way. It’s inside of him , he realized with a growing sense of absolute doom, the resentment is trying to take him from the inside out .
How was Kim supposed to stop it, how was he supposed to save Porschay from this, from the one thing out of his control. Porschay was supposed to be safe; Kim had stayed away, had spent hours upon hours standing outside of the Doors to try and settle it. Nothing had worked and now he was left to watch Porschay try and smile through blood at them, offering comfort to others even when he was the one about to die.
Oh Porschay was about to die.
The reality of it set in and kicked Kim into a panic. He fully entered the room, intent on ripping through it with his bare hands if he needed to but Big stepped into his path before he could get anywhere near Porschay. Kim grabbed him by the neck and lifted, a dark kind of contentment seeping through the fear when he saw Big’s eyes start to bulge as his air was cut off.
“Do not get in my way,” Kim said. His voice was unrecognizable. Big was a stronger man than Kim had ever given him credit for--he remained still even as his face got redder and redder and Kim squeezed tighter and tighter. The fear and panic had transformed itself into a fury that he was about to direct at Big when he noticed Porschay moving again out of the corner of his eye.
Their eyes caught. Kim could barely see Porschay, his beautiful Porschay through the blood but he recognized the look nonetheless. It was the softest look he had ever had directed at him, one that Porschay had worn over and over and Kim had always turned away from, too much of a coward to admit what it meant. It was the closest that Kim had ever come to understanding what it meant to be loved.
“I’m sorry, this is the only way out,” Porschay tried to say, the blood gurgling out of his mouth, “I’m sorry.” And he looked like he so dearly meant it too but he shouldn’t be saying he was sorry, Kim should be the one apologizing, Porschay should be asking for an apology, should be mad at Kim, furious at them all, he should be-
Porschay was tipping himself over the edge.
Horror shot through Kim faster than emotion he’d ever felt. He dropped Big and ran , pushing himself faster than he thought possible to get to Porschay, to stop him from killing himself. It was heavier around Porschay than anywhere else, a physical weight in the air, but Kim was beyond himself already. He pulled it away with ease and reached out to Porschay.
It was the cruelest thing Porschay could have done to him. Kim had made it in time but Porschay pulled his hands away and Kim had to watch him fall and fall and fall until he hit the water and he started to sink .
Kim was certain the noise he made wasn’t human but he was too far gone to care. All he could see was the shape of Porschay in the water getting further and further away from him.. It was the easiest choice in the world to dive after him.
The distance between the platform and the actual water had been enough that when Porschay hit it head first Kim had watched his skull shattered. Kim hit it feet first instead but it didn’t help much. Both his legs cracked from the force and he was certain at least one of them was broken. The water was so cold it burned the rest of his body. For a moment Kim just sank, the pain overwhelming everything else, before he remembered why he had jumped.
The water was too dark to see properly so he forced his limbs to move, shooting them out every which way until he hit something soft.
Porschay.
Kim grabbed him in the dark waters and pulled him into his chest, just like he had done the night he found Porschay outside. Porschay was entirely still, a dead weight, but Kim wouldn’t let it be literal, wouldn’t let it be true. From the same space beyond himself he pulled on it , forced it out and out and out until he couldn’t feel anymore taking up the space in the man he loved, and then he threw it around them to take them away.
Kim hadn’t thought about where he was trying to go, only thought that he needed to get them out of there, get them somewhere that Porschay could get help. He collapsed onto the marble floors of the family mansion, Porschay still clutched to him. Kim’s legs wouldn’t work but it didn’t matter. Around him the family guards startled, then leapt into action. Some tried to take Porschay from his arms but Kim must have done something to make them back off.
He couldn’t keep a coherent thought together. It was all flashes instead, his mind constantly screaming to Get Porschay Help while he saw smatterings of what was going on around him. One second he was in the main entrance, the next he was in the med bay. Porschay was in his arms, and then he wasn’t. Kim was yelling something at the people around him, trying to get Porschay back to him where he would be safe. Kim could feel the spark building up in him, the panic taking over and it getting closer and closer to the surface.
Just as he was about to let it loose on those standing between him and Porschay someone latched onto him from behind. It was like diving into the water all over again, a dose of cold that left Kim shaking and empty.
The heavy, cloying scent of Tankhun’s cologne filled the air around him. Like a lead weight Khun draped himself over Kim until Kim could breathe again and really take in their settings.
“They’ve got him,” Khun murmured into the top of his head, “They’re doing all they can, you need to let them.” Kim trembled where they sat, his damp clothes and damp eyes finally wearing him out.
“And I’ve got you, Kimhan, I’ve got you,” Khun continued. Kim gasped, the trembling getting worse as he sobbed quietly. His eldest brother held him through it.
7.
When Kim was younger, not quite a child but not yet so jaded by his destined path in life, he decided that he was going to do something nice for his father.
His father had seemed stressed as of late, always fighting with Kinn and Uncle Gun. It was making the house feel unbearably tense and making Khun more of a nervous wreck than usual. So Kim decided if he could do something to ease whatever strain his father was under then it would benefit all of them.
The plan was to get the fried dough sticks he knew Pa really liked and leave them in his room as a surprise when he got back from a meeting. Kim had time between school and family assignments so he went himself to pick them up and even arranged them on a plate.
He entered his father’s room and placed the snack at the table next to what he knew was his father’s favorite armchair. It was easy, slipping in before any of the guards noticed a thing. Just to make sure his father knew it was from him and not some sort of nefarious threat he wanted to leave a note.
Kim rummaged around Pa’s desk for some paper and a pen. He found some blank sheets in one of the drawers and pulled it out when he noticed a false bottom in the drawer. Kim knew that his father had secrets, he had to, but he had been sure that he knew about all of them in this room. The Main Family was supposed to know exactly where things were kept in the office in case something happened to one of them.
Kim’s curiosity led him around the room to try and find the switch to open it. He found it beside the bookcase, a light that slid up to reveal a button. Kim pressed it, sure it would pop open the false draw. Instead, the wall beside him slid open to reveal a brightly lit room.
The room was mostly empty of furniture, just a small table laden with paint and a chair in front of an easel. There were paintings though, everywhere. Each was different but all were meticulously detailed and life-like. Kim saw some people he recognized and some he didn’t but he could tell they were all real people anyway.
He saw himself in one of them. It was nothing interesting, just him standing on a hill with a dark grey sea behind him. Actually, the longer he looked at it, the more he realized that it wasn’t quite him. At least, not him right now. There were differences in his hair length and the bags under his eyes. In the lines around his mouth.
He turned away, not wanting to know anything about his future if he didn’t have to. He looked to the easel instead. On it was a small canvas, much smaller than the other paintings. On it were two outlines intertwined, not yet people but enough to assume. A prophecy in progress.
Kim looked around one more time before he stepped back out and closed the door. It seemed the seer was out at the moment. Kim felt anticipation bubble up in this stomach as he realized that meant no one knew that he had been in there. He finally had a secret that Pa wouldn’t know.