Chapter Text
The kart ride back started quiet for Luigi but it wasn’t long before Mario and Donkey Kong were fighting again. But this time there was something playful about it. Had they become friends while Luigi was away? Toad seemed content. Yoshi was letting his tongue hang out, sticking his head to the side like a dog’s out a car window. So this was it. No one would know the truth. Luigi would return a hero. The next time they fought Bowser, Luigi would act like the last few days never happened. And he’d hurt Bowser all over again.
“Mario…”
But Mario couldn’t hear Luigi over the waves, the karts, the wind, and Donkey’s unique laughter. If he was going to confess, he’d need to speak up. For real this time. No matter what happened to him, he needed to find his courage and protect Bowser. That was part of what being friends was. Even if Bowser never forgave him, Luigi needed to right his wrong.
“Mario!”
A shadow cast over them, the sky suddenly dark. No. That wasn’t the sky. Looking overhead, Luigi saw fleets of flying boats covered in canons all wearing the same colors. They were Bowser’s ships and the Koopa King himself was standing at the helm of the largest one.
“He’s headed for the Mushroom Kingdom!” Mario shouted, “Toad! Take Yoshi and warn the princess! Donkey, Funky, help me and Luigi slow them down!”
“If Funky can hold me, I can stay with you guys and help!” Yoshi called out.
Mario agreed while Luigi was momentarily shocked that their dino friend could talk the whole time. Yoshi leapt over and Funky caught him with one strong arm.
“The rematch of the century!” Donkey shouted, “Try not to get shown up, Mario.”
“I’m not really a combat Kong. As a Dudeist I just sorta take it easy and go with the flow.” Funky said, trying to make an excuse to get out of taking on the fleet.
“That’s fine. I’ll just have more to brag about next time I see Candy,” DK said, giving Mario the Watch this, I’m literally so smart and handsome side eye.
“Candy?” Funky ripped his tank top open and beat on his chest with his free arm, screeching like a proper warrior gorilla. He pulled a surfboard from the trunk of the shared kart (how did that even fit in there?) and immediately took to the stacked waves. Yoshi took his place on the platform behind Donkey. The surfing gorilla hit the switch on the back of his board and ignited little barrel boosters, shooting headfirst into the warzone.
“Kowa-Bunga!!!!!!!”
He was out of sight, and within minutes of boarding one of the smaller vessels, it was smoking and falling into the sea. He hopped off, gliding away with ease on his surfboard. He dropped down to his chest and paddled toward another large wave, ready to strike again.
Mario and Luigi looked at Donkey horrified while he just shrugged, “We’ll go help Funky. You have until we’re done with his army to defeat Bowser. Otherwise, us cool guys will do it for you and make you look so lame in front of the princess that she’ll never go out with you ever.”
“Please, with Lu here, we’ll be the ones bailing you out! Right?” Mario smiled up at his brother who just awkwardly smiled back.
Donkey misunderstood Luigi’s apprehension as his usual cowardice and decided to comfort the younger brother, “Don’t worry Luigi. I’m only joking. You two can do whatever you put your minds to. Trust me, I’ve seen it.”
With that, the Kong prince sped away to catch up with his friend. Using the bomb in their kart, they waited to throw it until the last second. It exploded creating a massive wave they rode up to the airships. From there, Donkey Kong started smashing koopas left and right while Yoshi ate them, let them pass through him and come out as eggs he’d either chuck at other enemies or let roll off the side of the boat into the sea. It was incredibly disturbing.
Luigi watched the fights with mixed feelings while Mario appeared more confident than ever. Luigi didn’t want to fight Bowser. He was scared. Maybe it wasn’t too late to tell Mario the truth.
“Mario?”
“Don’t worry, Luigi. For once, Donkey Kong’s right. As long as we’re together, we can do anything!”
“Mario, it's not about that. It’s about Bowser-”
“You don’t have to be scared! Just hold on tight!”
Retrieving an ice flower from his kart’s trunk, Mario powered up and froze the sea when its waves were its highest. He revved up his engine and zoomed for the newly made platform. Luigi held on with everything he had and pretty soon they were flying. Soaring through the salty air, they made a clean break for Bowser’s ship. A bullet bill came flying their way.
“Okay, Luigi! Jump!”
Luigi instinctively obeyed and the two brothers platformed across multiple bullet bills, letting their kart fall away. Before long they were aboard Bowser’s ship, taking out koopas left and right. When Kamek appeared to fight them, Mario quickly bounced on his head, knocking him out. Feeling bad, Luigi dragged the unconscious magikoopa off to the side, away from danger.
“Bowser!” Mario shouted, “Come out and fight me one on one like a man!”
Bowser took a step from behind the wheel, a goomba quickly rushing to take over steering. Except he didn’t have arms so he jumped, panicking until a spiked koopa came running over on all fours. It climbed up onto the goomba’s head and together, they managed to take the wheel.
“Unfortunately for you, I’m not a man,” Bowser opened his mouth and spewed fire directly at Mario.
While he could have easily burned Luigi, he didn’t. He kept his fire concentrated on the elder brother. It was horrible. It made Luigi miserable to realize that whether Bowser knew it or not, he still liked Luigi. Enough to not want to hurt him. He needed to put a stop to this.
But Kamek awoke and pulled Luigi back before he could jump in to stop the fight. Luigi did his best to dodge the wizard’s magical blasts, jumping higher than he realized he could. Using the platforms and blocks aboard the ship, Luigi was able to evade for a while. But it wasn’t going to last. Scanning the ship, he looked for anything that might help him reach Bowser. That’s when something odd stood out to him. Everything seemed to be connected in one way or another. To an extreme. All the points met in the center of the ship specifically.
Another magical blast pulled Luigi out of his analyzing, “Kamek! Please! Just let me explain!”
“You dare betray King Bowser!?”
“I- I wasn’t betraying him! I mean I was but it’s really not like that! The truth is I-”
“Silence you mustached fiend! For your crimes against the Koopa King, you will pay with your life!”
Meanwhile, Mario had drastically improved since he and Bowser last faced off. He shot ice repeatedly at Bowser, who was too big to dodge. But that didn’t matter. As proven before, no matter how many times he was frozen, all he needed to do was breathe fire and he’d be free again in seconds. Sometimes Mario would leap to jump on Bowser’s head, but he’d get caught and sent flying. But Mario always landed on his feet. So their match continued, the playing field level thanks to the powerup.
However, when Mario leapt again, Bowser tucked his limbs and head into his spiked shell and started spinning. Mario landed directly onto his spike and went flying back. Landing against the edge of the boat, he turned back into his normal self. Bowser was back on his feet in no time, laughing wickedly to himself as he stomped closer and picked Mario up by his overall strap.
“This is it, Mario.” The Koopa King held the little plumber over the edge, “No one’s coming to save you. No one’s left to stop me. Game over.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Mario grinned, looking over Bowser’s spiked shoulder.
Luigi stood bravely by what looked like an ax in the center of the ship’s deck. Kamek was off to the side, stars spinning over his head. Looks like Luigi managed to beat him.
“Luigi,” Bowser said eerily calm, smoke coming out of his nose. But there was still unmistakably hope in his eyes. It was a second chance. All would be forgiven. Please. Take it.
Luigi hesitated but ultimately put his hand on the ax, “I can’t let you hurt my brother!”
Pushing the ax down, the floorboards started to fall away in rapid succession and the airship began falling from the sky. Bowser let go of Mario, who saved himself by grabbing onto the bannister. Bowser let himself fall through the hole in the ground. He plummeted to the ocean below and crashed into the waves. The ship landed roughly in the water but large pieces stayed afloat for the survivors to stand on. Most importantly, in the wreck, a box opened and revealed the Bowser’s stolen Power Star.
Mario ran to Luigi and embraced his brother, “Luigi! Luigi you did it! You were incredible!”
Donkey, Funky, and Yoshi made their way over to the floating ship wreck and cheered with Mario.
“Let’s just see them try and call you Green Mario after that,” Donkey said, roughly patting Luigi’s back with pride.
But Luigi just shrugged them off and hurried to the Power Star. Without hesitating, he dove into the depths and disappeared. Everyone looked over the wreck’s edge to see exactly what Luigi was doing.
A faint glow appeared in the darkness and suddenly Luigi was flying through the air, carrying Bowser over his head. He landed smoothly back aboard and set the giant turtle down, who hacked up water. The Mushroom Gang readied themselves for another fight as Bowser stumbled back to standing. They looked at Luigi with horror but the plumber in green just stood between them, the rainbow protection of the Power Star wearing off completely.
“Luigi-”
“I was the one who let Bowser out!” Luigi shouted before he could be interrupted again or chicken out.
Everyone gasped and Luigi continued to talk, staring at his feet, “I told myself that maybe he wasn’t so bad and just needed a second chance. But the truth is I was just feeling bad for myself and thought he could make me look better. I mean, he’s Bowser. I thought if I could change him, then maybe I wouldn’t be such a screw up… I only took the Princess’ place because I was too scared to face you with the truth. I’m selfish and cowardly. And worse than all of that… I was right. Bowser isn’t bad. He’s actually one of the most awesome guys ever. He was a really good friend to me and I betrayed him… I hurt him. And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I lied. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the friend I said I’d be.”
The words finally out there, Luigi looked up. He expected everyone to be mad at him but his friends were all looking past him at Bowser. Gulping, Luigi turned around too. Bowser looked down at him seriously.
“You really hurt me, Luigi,” he said and Luigi nodded, lowering his head again. “But I also might have overreacted a little, trying to burn the Mushroom Kingdom down again… I… Ummm… Huh, this is harder than it looks. I’m s……orry too.”
Bowser smiled awkwardly at Mario, “How ‘bout we forget all this ever happened!”
Mario just frowned, but the look of hope in Luigi’s eyes made him soften against his will. He was never a match for Luigi’s big puppy dog eyes, “You need new coping mechanisms. No more kidnapping. No more attacking kingdoms.”
“No promises.” Bowser said honestly and Mario looked like he was getting a headache. Luigi elbowed the massive turtle who quickly spit out a “I mean, I’ll try!” Which just made Mario more exhausted. Leave it to Luigi to befriend the most complicated idiots. Then again, when Mario looked at his own crew, he couldn’t say he was any different. That brought him some comfort.
“Well, time to go apologize to the princess,” Donkey Kong cut in.
“The princess!?” Bowser squeaked in terror, “Why do we have to see her!?”
Donkey looked smug, he was going to enjoy the humiliating display Bowser was going to have to put on, “You threatened her kingdom with war. Now you have to throw yourself to the floor and beg for forgiveness. Heh heh heh.”
Mario arched an eyebrow, picking up what DK was putting down, “Now that I can’t wait to see.”
The two high fived and Bowser looked past them to see if it wasn’t too late to jump back into the sea and drown. But then he felt a gentle gloved hand touch his scaly one.
“It’s okay, Bowser. We’ll apologize together,” Luigi said, soothing Bowser’s anxiety.
Mario and Donkey rolled their eyes. They were totally looking forward to the show. Curse Luigi’s wholesomeness!
Funky was able to repair one of the sinking ships. It wouldn’t fly, but with everyone’s help it would sail. Bowser’s army rode it back to the Dark Lands while everyone else piled onto Funky’s surfboard, which he attached to the back of the kart he shared with Donkey. It was a tight fit so Bowser ended up holding Luigi in his arms so Mario and Yoshi would have a place to sit. He felt awkward holding Luigi so close to him and while the skinny plumber wouldn’t look him directly in the eyes, he didn’t push to get away from him either. Luckily, the sound of the splashing sea and the kart’s engine drowned out their heartbeats.
So they sped across the sea back to the Mushroom Kingdom. However, it was not the bright and cheerful place it was when they left. It was still sunny and colorful but it was eerily quiet. They walked through the desolate streets, wondering if everyone had fled the city when Toad delivered the news that Bowser was returning.
“Hello?” Mario called out feeling nervous for some reason, “Is anyone there?”
“Toads! March!” A high pitched voice cried out, “We won’t let those koopas take this land!”
A sea of high pitched war cries erupted from all around. The toads appeared in organized hoards, powered up with fire and ice flowers. Some of them carried spears, others manned canons. All of them wore pink face paint.
“On my command!” Toad called out, wielding his frying pan like a saber in the air, “Ready! Aim! Fi-”
“Woah! Woah! Woah! It’s us guys!” Mario yelled, running forward, “We beat Bowser already. There’s no need for all this… what is this?”
The sea of mushroom people parted, making a path for Princess Peach to appear. She rode gallantly on the back of a chain chomp wearing an equestrian uniform and aviator sunglasses.
“At ease, my toads,” the princess commanded with her usual air of elegance, “You’ve done well, Mario. And I’m glad to see Luigi has returned unharmed. Donkey, I’m sure you were indispensable during this mission. You have my thanks, your debt has been paid. Oh, and you have a Yoshi with you now! Excellent. They are wonderful company. And you are?”
She gestured kindly to Funky who looked at her with his jaw hanging open. He pushed past the crowd and dropped to one knee before the princess still atop her chain chomp.
“Your most bodaciousness, I am Sir Funky Kong of the Jungle Realm. It has been an honor to fight for the glory of the Mushroom Kingdom. But nothing has me more totally stoked than gleaming upon your most heavily visage. Wouldst thou like a surfing lesson?”
Donkey Kong yanked him back in line by the shredded tank top and threw him to the side, “Ignore him, he hit his head in the fight.”
“Total wipeout…” Funky mumbled to himself on the ground as stars and bananas floated in a circle over his head.
Peach giggled to herself, hopping down from her steely steed, “And now… Bowser. What are we going to do with you?”
Bowser lowered his head but Luigi stepped in front of him protectively, “Hear him out?”
Peach arched a suspicious eyebrow. Looking to Mario for confirmation, he shrugged. He wasn’t totally sure but he trusted his brother. He wordlessly asked Peach to trust him too. So she nodded, making room for Bowser to speak.
Bowser fidgeted with his claws, unable to look up to meet Peach’s hard stare. But then Luigi took his hand again, squeezing it and smiling at him encouragingly. And he felt better. Squeezing Luigi’s hand back, he managed to stand tall and proud again. He was the Koopa King after all.
“Princess Peach, I’ve come to apologize for all the trouble I’ve caused. And I’d like to talk about a formal treaty between our kingdoms that could eventually grow into an alliance.”
Peach looked surprised but was back on her guard instantly, “And I suppose this has nothing to do with us having a fairytale wedding?”
She said it with air quotes and Bowser quickly looked at Luigi before shaking his head, “No. There’s no marriage required.”
“Oh? What brought about this change of heart?”
Bowser smiled and shrugged, looking down at the young man still holding his hand, “Someone came to rescue me. I have a true friend now.”
Luigi beamed with happiness and Peach smiled to herself, “Very well, then, King Bowser. The Mushroom Kingdom accepts your declaration of friendship!”
Peach looked over her shoulder at her new army, “You hear that, toads? We’re throwing a party!”
The toads erupted with cheers and everyone got to work readying Toad Town for the party to end all parties. Donkey sent word to the Jungle Kingdom and a few of his gorilla buddies flew in on gyrocopters for the celebration. Yoshi shot his tongue into the air from the highest tower on Peach’s Castle. Apparently it was a beacon to let other yoshis know a party was about to break out. A rainbow of dinos descended from the sky, wiggling their butts and running so hard they were sweating. When the sun set, even the ghouls of the Dark Kingdom turned up with their big band to help get things started.
Bowser sat off by himself atop a small hill looking down at the killer party.
It was a beautiful mesh of pop, jazz, and sweet sweet rock’n’roll. Everyone was having fun. Even when a yoshi vomited juice from eating too much fruit, the party raged on. Peach and Mario shared a silly dance that Donkey had no trouble cutting in on, carrying Mario away just because he thought it would be funny. Funky was off to the side, chatting up Toadette. He was no doubt offering her surfing lessons. She just happily kicked her feet, sipping her koopa kola. The dry bones from the mountainside bashfully made his way over to a bob-omb wearing a pink bow and after an exchange, the two started dancing together. Toad stood at the head of the party, spinning bop after bop from his turntable.
Bowser wanted to join in, he really did. But he couldn’t help but feel a little shy. So he just watched from afar like he always did when it came to parties in the Mushroom Kingdom. Maybe he was better off that way. That was when he felt someone sit down beside him.
“Feeling shy?” Luigi scooted a little closer so their arms were almost touching.
Bowser chuckled dryly to himself, “Even though I’m invited, I just can’t bring myself to go. It’s lame but I think I’m scared.”
“It’s like you said. They’re more afraid of you than you are of them,” As if on cue a Boo came out of the darkness and playfully snatched Luigi’s hat. It giggled to itself before returning it to Luigi’s head and flying off. “Give them a chance and they just might surprise you.”
Bowser smiled, rolling his eyes and lightly shoving the human, “Yeah well it’s easy to be brave when you’re a great dancer and everyone loves you.”
“Even you?” Luigi teased and Bowser looked at him in surprise, like something just clicked.
Luigi wasn’t the brightest bulb but even he understood what was happening, what Bowser had just realized. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment and Luigi’s heart started singing in his chest. He could feel it. He thought maybe he could hear Bowser’s doing the same. This was it! His first kiss! And with a big turtle? Life is so weird. He wanted to get up and dance but there’d be time for dancing after. How was his breath? It’s fine… probably… No backing out now.
The two shared a sweet kiss. It was short. As soon as it was done they looked awkwardly away from each other, both as red as Mario’s hat. Then Bowser started bobbing his head to the rhythm of the music playing and he shot up to his feet and raised his arms triumphantly over his head while still making the most awkward expression.
“This is going to sound crazy but I feel like I just got a boost from a Power Star!”
“I know what you mean!”
“I think I can party with the others now!? I think I can do anything!?”
“Rock on man! I’ll be down there in a sec!”
They gave each other finger guns and Bowser tore off while Luigi immediately shoved his face in his hands and squealed, kicking his feet like crazy. He giggled to himself and wiggled around. He was a lovesick fool! And it was awesome!
“Wow, Luigi.” A voice said from seemingly out of nowhere.
“M-Mario!? How long have you- It’s not what it- I mean it is but- That not- You-”
Mario took a seat next to Luigi and smirked, “You’re a freak~”
Luigi groaned in embarrassment and Mario laughed, egging him on, “I mean he’s three times your size~”
Mario laughed his hat off while Luigi did his best to recover. After a moment, they were calm again, enjoying the usual good vibes.
“You’re not mad?” Luigi eventually asked.
“Mad? No. Surprised? Oddly enough, no.”
“You’re not surprised!? How could you not be surprised? I’m surprised!?”
Mario shrugged, “Remember when we went to see the Star Fox movie in high school and you were obsessed with Wolf for like a year? I had my suspicions.”
“Wolf was cool, okay? I stand by that!”
The brothers laughed and Mario playfully nudged Luigi, “You really like Bowser?”
“... I do.”
“You have my full support, little bro. You always have. You always will.”
Luigi’s eyes welled up with tears, but he kept himself from crying. He leaned over and hugged his brother, squeezing him as tightly as he could. Mario did the same. It was such a beautiful moment…
Until Mario whispered, “If he breaks your heart, I’m going to jump on his head a hundred times.”
They laughed and returned to the party together. Bowser was dancing with a crew of b-boy toads. Luigi jumped in to dance with his beloved. Somehow a chant started, the crowds wanting Bowser to sing.
“You want me to sing? No I couldn’t possibl- okay!” Bowser jumped up on stage where a giant piano suddenly was, “This next one’s brand new as in I’m making it up right now! But if I don’t sing what’s in my heart I think I’ll explode!”
A bouncy banger erupted from the keys and Luigi made his way to the front of the howling audience where he realized the song Bowser was singing was for him. Luigi was glassy eyed once again and his heart was full. Everything was going to be okay and to top it off he was in love! This rules!
The city was a mess of toads, gorillas, dinos, ghosts, and turtles. And the party raged on for several days and nights. Maybe the party would never end. But for now, this story will.
The end.
The end…
It’s the end, right?
Does anyone else hear decorative piano?
Everything should have faded to black. We should be done. But we’re still here?
The darkness faded to reveal the beautiful night sky. It was a wash of colors from all the far off galaxies. The stars twinkled, tiny dancing lights of all sizes and colors… Wait. Stars aren’t normally so colorful?
One star shined brighter than all of the others. But it wasn’t a star, it was a floating observatory.
Looking through a telescope down at the blue planet, the princess of the stars smiled to herself. She had long, almost silver blonde hair and wore a beautiful blue gown. She carried a magic wand and floated around the little dome shaped library. Her name was Rosalina.
“Everyone is having so much fun in the Mushroom Kingdom tonight. Don’t you think we should join them?”
A blue luma floated beside her, “We’ll all be joined together at the end of time in the infinite void.”
Rosalina giggled, “Your time in the Dark Lands sure made you silly.”
The luma giggled, “There is a crushing darkness that only hope can keep at bay. But how long do we have until hope’s light gives out and we are consumed?”
“Like you said, we’ll all be together when that happens. So maybe it won’t be so bad?”
“One cannot endure suffering alone. It is in our understanding of others that we better know ourselves. When we know who we truly are, do we find peace? Or is that just another distraction we use to console ourselves?”
“I don’t know, but doesn’t it make you wanna play saxophone?”
The little luma cheered and started playing for the princess.
The end.
For real this time.