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Is it wrong to live in a dream?
Sunlight shines through the cottage’s curtains, painting the room in a yellow hue. Birds chirp outside the window, wind gently blowing through the palm tree’s leaves. It's barely 8 a.m., and despite that Chiaki isn't tired. They wake up feeling refreshed, just as they did everyday, and the day before that, in this paradise.
A soft click alerts them to the morning announcement, Usami happily declaring it time to rise. The birds continue to chirp, the sun continues to shine, the wind continues to blow. And yet a pool fills in the pit of their stomach, the one that plagues them almost daily. That weird feeling of nostalgia, that something is wrong.
But they ignore it.
Hajime is waiting outside their door, just as he does every day. He looks shy, he’s always shy - despite the fact that they’ve been dating for months now. He’s not used to feeling love, nor is he used to explicitly returning it. Chiaki understands. They wonder if they should, considering their family is nothing like his, isn't full of expectations and wild dreams, but they do.
What was their family like again?
“We’re having a team exercise today,” He says, walking with Chiaki towards the hotel. The sun rays reflect on his face, highlighting Hajime’s appearance in stark detail. Chiaki decides that nobody comes close to matching his beauty as they lose themself in his hazel eyes. “It was Nekumaru’s idea. Ibuki wants to turn it into a beach day.”
“Of course she does.” They murmur back, voice still heavy with sleep. Hajime chuckles but doesn’t comment on it, instead moving to protectively wrap an arm around their back.
“I’m sure everyone else will be doing the same. It’s not like there’s much else to do, anymore.”
“Right.” Chiaki breathes, despite not understanding what he means. He doesn’t elaborate and they don’t ask. The sun keeps shining, the wind keeps blowing, the birds keep chirping. This is their paradise. Everyday they wake up together, with freedom and peace to do whatever they please. An untouchable island hidden from the rest of the world.
But what are they hiding from?
***
Is it wrong to live in a dream?
It’s a question that pops up continuously in Chiaki’s head, like a prompt from a program, or a message from a god. An intruding thought that arrives with no rhyme or reason, that keeps them from fading into relaxation. Even now as they stand with the ocean to their ankles, watching their friends play along the beach, they can’t let their consciousness fall into satisfaction.
But what does it mean?
They look to the sky for answers, only to be met with black, stormy clouds. A dark blanket that traps them and their entire haven into darkness. Nobody else seems to see them, they’re all laughing together while Chiaki stands to the side, an outsider.
Yet, they’re not sad. No, instead it feels correct. Like they were meant to watch, meant to keep their distance as everyone else laughs and smiles and celebrates. Water fills their vision, but they’re still not sad - more accurately, they’re numb. Empty, a void to be filled with rabbits and games to play. They’re-
They’re-
“Hey,” A voice says, and it’s Hajime. It’s always Hajime, staring at them with concern and adoration, gently pressing a hand to their cheek. “What’s wrong?”
The clouds are gone, replaced with the blue skies that Chiaki is so used to. They can’t help but lean into his touch despite it being wrong, wrong, wrong. A soothing feeling to stabilize themself, to feel real again. “I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?” He’s not convinced, moving in closer to gently grasp their shoulders. The ocean is so much colder compared to his touch, and Chiaki finds themself pressing closer to his warmth. Hiding themself away from their paradise and their friends, and this world that was built for them. He blushes when they press their body against his, bashful and shy, just as he always is.
“Yes, just sleepy.” Chiaki lies, and his shoulders visibly relax. The ocean waves are warmer now, gently rocking against both of their legs. He strokes their hair, allowing the strands to run in between his fingers. Their own hands rub circles up and down his back.
“Maybe you should take a-”
A sudden yell cuts him off, startling the both of them. Water rains down upon them, drenching them head to toe. The culprit - Hiyoko - is laughing, a stressed looking Mahiru right behind her. “C’mon lovebirds, no more lovey-dovey shit! We’re playing a giant game of volleyball!”
Hajime shakes his head in exasperation, yet the small smile on his lips betrays his genuine amusement. Chiaki smiles back, standing on their tip-toes to give him a quick smooch. His face goes crimson just as the rest of their class joins the commotion, and he’s being teased by Kazuichi in a matter of seconds.
“C’mon, dude! It’s just a little smooch! You can’t seriously be embarrassed over something like that!”
“Sh-shut up-”
He swats his friend away and hurries over to grab the volleyball, the group laughing together at his torment. Sonia grabs ahold of Chiaki’s arm and pulls them over to the net they’d set up, and the question that lingers in the back of their mind fades away once more.
***
They’re surrounded by thousands and thousands of numbers, all dancing and spinning around them endlessly. Their body feels weightless - or, more accurately, they don't have one at all. No, instead they’re apart of the numbers and their endless dance, constantly moving as a unit to create a united force. A moving, breathing person, full of life to control. A life that’s created by this complicated machine.
A face appears within the numbers, but it’s not theirs. It belongs to someone else, someone they’ve never seen before. On the surface, she seems like a normal girl - albeit a bit short. But there’s a green hue over her entire body, numbers written within every ounce of her being. She looks in their direction - but she’s looking through them, and not at them.
She points towards them, and the numbers run into place, stacking on top of each other until a body is formed. This one Chiaki recognizes as their own, everything made to be perfect, down to the last detail. Their body opens their eyes - but there’s no emotion, no personality behind them. They are staring at an empty shell of themself, with no more life than a corpse. Yet, it wasn’t uncanny. It was natural. This process was natural.
“Chiaki Nanami,” The girl says with clarity and determination. “Your mission is to watch over your classmates. I know you won’t let me down.”
The corpse nods, only to allow its eyes to shut once more. The girl pushes it forward and it falls. It falls and Chiaki reunites with it, the body and mind now one. They keep falling as the numbers disappear, surrounded by an endless sea of red.
“But I did,” They try to say, but they lack a voice. A lifeless being doesn’t deserve a voice. “I failed.”
Chiaki finally hits the ground, sand blasting in every direction. No pain registers, they can’t feel pain, their body merely a vessel for the selected role they’re meant to play. A role that has been long since discarded - but by who? Was it Usami? The girl? Chiaki themself? Those answers all feel wrong.
The sky overhead is covered in a dense fog that nobody living should be able to breathe. It reminds them of the clouds they’d seen before at the beach, before Hajime pulled them away. It reminds them of the nostalgic feeling that lingers when they’re with their friends, it reminds them of the numbers.
They reach to the sky, their fingers layered with blood. Nagito’s blood.
Is it wrong to live in a dream?
***
“I had a nightmare the other night.”
Hajime stops, the hand that's holding a cinnamon bun freezing in mid air. His attention turns to Chiaki, hazel eyes filled with concern. A wave of guilt flies over the Ultimate Gamer, a sigh escaping their lips. They didn’t plan on telling him about it while they were trying to have a relaxing picnic date. But… they couldn’t stop thinking about it.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks, shifting his body to give them his full attention. It's sweet, he's always sweet. Sickeningly so. Chiaki smiles softly at the kindness, and takes a moment to admire him. The moon highlights his beauty just as the sun does, they decide.
“If that’s okay.”
“Of course. You know I’ll always listen to you, Chiaki.”
He brings their hand to his lips and gently kisses it. His cheeks turned a slight shade of pink, making Chiaki’s (unnatural) heart skip a beat. How this boy always manages to make them swoon will always be a mystery.
“I don’t know how to describe it. It was like… I wasn’t real. But I was real at the same time.” They say, turning their attention towards the sky. The clear night sky that isn't covered with smoke or clouds, that's free from any of the horrors that plague Chiaki’s mind. A part of them feels as if they’re doing something wrong, breaking some kind of rule but they can’t remember what that rule is supposed to be.
“I was somewhere I don’t remember…with a girl I don’t know. And then I was falling…”
Hajime doesn’t respond right away, but keeps rubbing circles into the palm of their hand. He’s thinking, Chiaki knows, for the right thing to say. He isn't always the best with words, but neither are they. Instead of reassurance he says, “What happened when you fell?”
“Nothing really. I woke up. It’s sorta hard to remember…”
But there has to be more. There is more. As much as they forget, they still remember what it feels like. To not exist, to see the girl, to fall from the sky. They remember what it was like to see the clouds on the horizon while their friends played on the beach, even if it feels as if it never happened.
“That sounds distressing.”
“Mmhm.” They close their eyes, allowing themself to indulge in the feeling of Hajime’s touch. It's warm, just as it always is. It's safe, and it's home. It's home as if they've never been home anywhere else, like life before their paradise never existed. “Do you remember why we’re on this island?”
Hajime’s hand stops, his fingers going rigid. But just as soon as they stop, he begins to rub again. “What do you mean?”
“I can’t remember when we started staying here. Or why we’re here, or how long we’ve been here. It feels surreal sometimes,” They say, watching the stars in the night sky sparkle. “Like this isn’t real.”
“...Like this isn’t real?”
“Yeah,” Chiaki reaches out to the sky with the hand Hajime isn’t holding. It feels familiar, but they can't remember where. It feels familiar and wrong, for their hand to be clean. “It’s weird. I feel like when I’m awake, I’m dreaming. And when I’m dreaming, I’m awake.”
“Is that so wrong?”
“Hm?”
“Is it wrong to live in a dream?”
It’s Chiaki’s turn to stiffen as Hajime grips their hand tighter, voice becoming abnormally distressed. They look back towards him, being greeted with fresh tears falling down his face. His eyes are no longer the hazel that they know and love, rather being a dark shade of red. Chiaki finds they're still beautiful. Shining like a pair of fabulous rubies, yet as poisonous as a rose.
He’s different. But he's also still the same.
“Hajime,” They start, gently wiping away his tears. “Doesn’t it feel odd?”
“Not if we ignore it.”
“I’d rather wake up.” They press a gentle kiss to his lips, and he yanks them into a hug. His grip is tighter than it’s ever been, the boy that's too nervous to be too close is gone. He's replaced with this trembling mess, clinging onto Chiaki like a lifeline, like the moment he let go they'll disappear.
“If we wake up,” He whispers out, any louder and it would betray just how heavily he’s crying. “You won’t be there.”
Chiaki moves their arms to hug him back, squeezing him close. Suddenly they understand why he’s clinging on so tight, why he’s crying so heavily, and they feel the same. But no tears come out, and all their words are caught in their throat. Instead, they move to stroke his hair, just as he always does.
“I’m sorry.” They finally say, and he only cries harder.
***
Sunlight shines through the cottage’s curtains, painting the room in a yellow hue. Birds chirp outside the window, wind gently blowing through the palm tree’s leaves. It's barely 8 a.m., and despite that Chiaki isn't tired. They wake up feeling refreshed, just as they did everyday, and the day before that, in this paradise.
A soft click alerts them to the morning announcement, Usami happily declaring it time to rise. The birds continue to chirp, the sun continues to shine, the wind continues to blow. Hajime is standing outside their door, smile wide on his face, the sun reflecting all of his features in a glorious light. His hazel eyes are bright with excitement, making Chiaki's heart swell with joy. "Kaz found fireworks," He cheerfully announces, taking the Gamer's hand into his own. "We're setting them off later tonight."
"I hope not too late..." They yawn, earning a small nudge from their boyfriend. Laughter erupts from the both of them before they're tumbling into the ground, wrestling as sand sticks to their hair, their limbs, their clothes. It's not long until Hajime is whining about the grainy texture, helping Chiaki back to their feet before walking back towards the hotel.
"Is it wrong to live in a dream?"
They stop short, their boyfriend unknowingly continuing without them. They glance around, staring out into the horizon, for the mysterious female voice that just whispered into their ear. Unfamiliar, yet familiar at the same time, Chiaki finds nobody else around.
"Chiaki?" Hajime's hand takes their own, gently squeezing it as he pulls them in close, hesitantly planting a kiss to their lips. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," They whisper. "Just thought I heard something."
They allow him to pull them towards the hotel, more forceful than he's ever been before. A pit fills their stomach, a horrible feeling of something wrong refusing to leave them alone. The sun is shining too bright, the birds are chirping too loud, and the wind is blowing too hard. As if it's all ushing them forward, pulling them away from whatever it is they heard. And Chiaki allows it to, despite the nostalgia that threatens to make tears fall, despite the lingering feeling that they're forgetting something important.