Chapter Text
Your chest is heaving with the adrenaline rushing through your veins, and your clothes are all stuck to your body, hair plastered to your forehead. You remember you both moved up to his room after the movie on account of the dropping temperature, and you look back over your shoulder, hoping against hope that John hasn’t noticed.
His eyes are closed, mouth hanging open in his sleep. You can just imagine the patch of drool on his pillow.
As carefully and quietly as you can, you slip out of bed, trying to leave the covers undisturbed. John murmurs something behind you and you freeze, waiting for an admonishment, but it never comes. When you turn around, he’s still asleep, having gathered more of the now-unused duvet around himself, undoubtedly to shield himself from the crisp evening chill seeping through the windows.
You flashtep out of the room and down the hall, to your turntables in the spare room.
Under the security of your noise-cancelling headphones, you mix out a new layer, adding tweaks to existing material here and there—you can’t recording anything new, given the risk of waking John up.
When you’re satisfied, when your heartrate has finally stabilised and you can breathe normally again, you slip back into John’s room, ready to crash—and halt in the doorway.
John’s floating just under the ceiling, duvet lying abandoned beneath. He’s still fast asleep.
You pad cautiously forward and, once you get to the bed, you reach up to gently grab onto his arm. His skin is startlingly cold without the cover of the duvet, so you pull him back down onto the bed, spreading the blankets over him. He grumbles, wiggles, and begins to rise up into the air again.
Only one thing for it. You climb in again with him, latching onto his arm to keep him weighted down. His unweighted left side begins to rise up into the air, and you give a quiet huff.
You reach across and push him back down onto the bed, and then you wrap your arms and legs around him, effectively keeping him in place under the blankets. He sighs and turns into you, into the warmth you provide, and you pull the blankets up higher around his shoulders.
You fall asleep still clinging to him like a monkey, keeping him under the warm blankets.
==> John: Be the teddy bear.
When you wake up, it’s to comfortable warmth and tangled limbs. The morning sun is shining through the window, and you yawn your self awake, wriggling a little in the arms and legs around you.
Dave—because of course it must be Dave—is holding onto you tight.
You try your best to pry your self out of his grip, but he’s really not budging. You guess there’s only one thing for it.
JOHN: dave.
JOHN: hey, dave.
JOHN: daaaaavee!
DAVE: mrpmfgghh
Predictably, he only grumbles back at you, still asleep. You roll around as best you can to shake him.
JOHN: dave!
JOHN: wake up, spider monkey!
DAVE: mmff
DAVE: monkey
DAVE: m no monkey
JOHN: well you’re sure holding onto me like one!
There’s silence, and you can practically hear the gears in his head turning. Then he snatches his hands back so violently he almost falls off the bed (if the scrabbling you can feel behind you is any indication).
DAVE: oh fuck
DAVE: fucking shit im
DAVE: look i can explain
You chortle, rolling over to face him. He’s clinging onto the sheets like a wet cat. He most definitely almost fell out of bed.
JOHN: awww, no need to!
JOHN: weren’t you just getting your famed bro cuddles on? :B
He stares at you for a moment, red eyes wide and strangely naked without his shades.
DAVE: i
DAVE: well
Words seem to fail him, because he just stares at you, whole face flushing red. Jeez, you didn’t think it would be that big of a deal!
JOHN: hehe, aw, dave! it’s okay!
JOHN: i just needed to get up!
JOHN: and you were clinging on to me like i was gonna float away or some thing.
He blinks at you, then finally sits up in a jerk of motion and snatches up his shades on the bed side table, shoving them on to his face. You can’t help but feel a little disappointed; blurry as they were without your own glasses, you like to see his eyes now and then!
DAVE: so actually
DAVE: funny story
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: you were gonna float away if i didnt hold onto you
JOHN:
JOHN: pffhah.
JOHN: okay, that’s pretty weak, even for you, dave!
DAVE: no im being dead serious
You squint at him, face blurry, but you get the niggling feeling he is trying to be as serious as he can be.
DAVE: i woke up in the middle of the night and you were fuckin floating
DAVE: yknow just up there
DAVE: just about eating face with the ceiling
JOHN: ...really?
JOHN: that’s kind of hard to believe!
JOHN: i mean, i’ve never done that before!
DAVE: i swear
DAVE: you were up there like a runaway fuckin helium balloon at a party
DAVE: and you were fuckin cold so
DAVE: like i tried to put the blankets on you
DAVE: but you kept floating up and theyd fall off
DAVE: so i kinda
He coughs.
DAVE: yknow
DAVE: didnt want you fuckin freezing on me
You find your self smiling.
JOHN: awwww.
JOHN: that’s nice of you!
DAVE: whatever
He shrugs it off almost immediately, but you keep smiling because you know he cares.
JOHN: well, don’t worry so much next time, dave!
JOHN: i’m a northern boy, remember?
JOHN: i’ve lived with this weather my whole life! i’m not as fragile as you!
DAVE: you callin me fuckin fragile
JOHN: yes. :B
DAVE: im not fragile
DAVE: i bet you couldnt last a week in the houston summer
DAVE: youd fuckin keel over like a man in the middle of the desert without water for days
DAVE: youd shrivel up like a fuckin worm on the footpath in the sun
DAVE: like a fuckin
DAVE: gross little raisin
DAVE: and you know no one likes raisins
You raise an eye brow at him.
DAVE:
DAVE:
DAVE: anyway
DAVE: im gonna go get breakfast
JOHN: and what are you gonna have, cereal?
He heaves him self off the bed and heads for the door.
DAVE: you mean the kings choice
DAVE: fuck yeah im gonna have cereal
You roll your eyes at him as he leaves, but you follow, snatching up your glasses as you go.
==> Dave: Kinsey Scale this bitch.
JOHN: ugh, jade and rose are always busy nowadays!
JOHN: i miss them!
JOHN: you know, i don’t think we’ve properly hung out since, like.
JOHN: since my dad died.
You’re immediately on guard, and you reach out to touch his arm, and then hesitate, hand hanging in the air.
John looks at you and notices.
JOHN: uh, what are you doing?
You retract the hand.
DAVE: nothing
He raises an eyebrow at you.
DAVE: well i mean
DAVE: you just mentioned your dad
JOHN: oh.
He laughs, wryly, but when he smiles at you afterwards, it’s genuine and warm.
JOHN: you know, i don’t think about it much any more.
DAVE: you dont
JOHN: no, not really.
JOHN: i guess i’ve come to peace with it.
JOHN: which is weird. to think how much it messed me up.
JOHN: i just found him that day and... every thing went to shit.
JOHN: and now, it’s all okay again.
JOHN: i mean... i know i’ll never see him again, but...
JOHN: i’m really glad to have the memories that i do have with him.
JOHN: you know some thing i found out recently?
JOHN: it’s something like, 75% of your time you spend with your parents, you spend it up until age 18.
JOHN: and then for the entire rest of your life, that’s only 25% of the time you spend with your parents.
JOHN: isn’t that kinda messed up?
JOHN: but, knowing that i’ve already spent so much time with him...
JOHN: i feel like i’m not missing out on so much time with him. like i haven’t really lost as much as i thought i did.
JOHN: now, i mainly just feel lucky.
DAVE:
DAVE:
DAVE: whoa
He cocks his head at you.
JOHN: what?
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: thats
DAVE: a lot
DAVE: to think about
DAVE: and to come to terms with
JOHN: heh, i know, right?
JOHN: it feels kind of weird knowing how okay i am with it now.
JOHN: it almost feels like i’m in denial or some thing.
JOHN: because it all went by so fast.
He smiles at you.
JOHN: but i think what’s happening is i’m just happy.
JOHN: and... i have really great company.
JOHN: and that’s helped with a lot of things, i think.
You stare at him, and he holds your gaze. It’s sincere, and there’s something deep in it you can’t quite parse. You cough.
DAVE: so lalonde and harley
DAVE: you got onto them right
DAVE: when are they next free
John groans.
JOHN: uuggghhh, they’re like, fully booked out!!
JOHN: rose says it’s gonna be another week or some thing like that before she can come visit.
JOHN: and jade’s still out travelling, so she’s not sure, but she’s going to be even longer!
DAVE: oh man that blows
JOHN: i know, right!
DAVE: how fuckin inconsiderate of them
DAVE: havin their own lives n shit
JOHN: i know, right!!
DAVE: fuckin unbelievable
DAVE: you really do have a terrible taste in friends egbert
He laughs, thinks for a moment, and then perks up.
JOHN: oh my god, i know what we should do!!
DAVE: what
JOHN: while we wait for rose and jade...
JOHN: we should totally have our OWN girls’ night!!
DAVE: girls night
Your tone is flat, unimpressed.
JOHN: yeah! that’s what jade and rose and i used to do.
JOHN: girls’ nights!!
DAVE: look dont get me wrong im all for the idea
DAVE: theres just one tiny problem with it
JOHN: and what’s that?
DAVE: neither of us are girls
John laughs again.
JOHN: okay then, we’ll have a BROS’ night!
You stare at him, and pointedly say nothing.
JOHN: we’ll have to make it really good, though.
JOHN: we’ll have to have so much fun, and take so many pictures, that they’ll be so jealous.
JOHN: and then they’ll come over again sooner!
DAVE:
DAVE: okay you know what
DAVE: im all fuckin for that
DAVE: i dont know about you but i think lalonde really could be taken down a peg or two
JOHN: hehehe!
And that’s what has led you to now—a “Bro’s Night”, misleadingly identical to what John described as “Girl’s Nights”, just with a surface-level rebranding: starting off with shitty Buzzfeed quizzes on inane topics like “Which Breed of Dog are You?” (German Shepherd, with John a golden retriever), and “What Is Your Love Language?” (Quality Time and Physical Touch respectively, apparently), before you found a classpect quiz, claiming to be backed up be extensive research. John raised his eyebrows at that one.
JOHN: and who made this, any way?
DAVE: probably some earth c gods fanclub
DAVE: thats my best bet
JOHN: oh man, you’re probably right!
JOHN: do you think it’s accurate at all?
DAVE: only one way to find out
It turned out that the extensive quiz isn’t all that accurate.
JOHN: page of hope! bluh!
JOHN: that’s literally just jake!
JOHN: that’s nothing like me at all!
DAVE: well at least you didnt get fucking maid of doom
DAVE: can you believe that shit
JOHN: what a total let down!
DAVE: egbert cmon
DAVE: it was made by a fanclub that didnt even play the fuckin game
DAVE: what did you expect
JOHN: bluh! you’re right, i guess.
DAVE: like thats news
DAVE: im always right
He lightly shoves you.
JOHN: hah, as if!
JOHN: what’s next?
It takes you all of one second to reply.
DAVE: kinsey scale
Call it morbid curiosity. You’re going to get burnt one of these days.
JOHN: oooooh, interesting!
JOHN: sure, let’s give it a go!
John finds a reputable-looking version of the test and loads it.
JOHN: who’s going first?
DAVE: age before beauty
JOHN: haha, okay.
He shifts closer to the computer and squints at the screen, the first question being: “To whom are you attracted?”
He does the predictable thing and selects the straightest possible answer, “Only people of the opposite sex from mine.”
DAVE: strictly 0 so far
DAVE: how does that feel
JOHN: alright, alright.
JOHN: i’m truly sorry i’m so straight and disappointing, dave.
DAVE: theres still hope for you yet
DAVE: continue
Question 2, “With whom have you had sex?”, he also selects the straightest possible answer, but flushes when he does so. You whistle.
DAVE: so you HAVE gotten it on
DAVE: who was it
JOHN: i am NOT telling you that!!
Question 3 is where things start to take an interesting turn: “Who have you had sexual fantasies about?”
He actually flushes even darker, which is something you weren’t expecting.
DAVE: damn bro youre blushing like a virgin over here
JOHN: shut up!!
JOHN: uh...
JOHN: i don’t really do that, but...
JOHN: ...do dreams... count?
Well damn.
DAVE: is that even a serious question
DAVE: fuck yes they do
DAVE: hasnt rose gone on a spiel about freud to you yet
DAVE: dreams are the MOST important
JOHN: uh... okay.
He hesitates.
JOHN: uh, dave?
DAVE: yeah
JOHN: can you look away?
JOHN: just for this question?
DAVE: no fuckin way are you serious
DAVE: thats the whole point of the quiz bro
JOHN: i know i know!
JOHN: i just- i feel kind of weird about this one!
DAVE: alright fine ill look away
DAVE: tell me when youre done
You angle your face away, but with your shades on, you’re still free to look wherever you like. Seemingly placated, John selects his answer as quickly as possible and presses next, but you catch his answer.
“Only people of the same sex as mine.”
JOHN: okay, done.
You forget to respond for a moment, and internally flounder over your words while saying none of them.
JOHN: uh, dave?
JOHN: i’m done.
You manage to catch yourself in time to reply.
DAVE: i heard you i just didnt realise i had to give my permission for you to continue
John laughs, kind of quiet, kind of awkward, and reads the next question, before scrunching up his nose.
JOHN: “with whom do you form strong emotional bonds?”
JOHN: but isn’t that like, just friendship?
DAVE: well it can be
DAVE: but sometimes a strong friendship lays the basis for a romantic relationship
DAVE: it depends on the person
JOHN: uh, okay.
JOHN: i guess both men and women then.
He clicks next.
JOHN: well this one’s the same!
JOHN: i feel comfortable socialising with both!
DAVE: then put both
He does, and continues to the next question: “The idea of having sex with someone of the opposite sex from mine is:”
JOHN: uhh...
JOHN: “interesting”?
JOHN: maybe?
DAVE: what do you mean interesting maybe
JOHN: i mean, i don’t really think about it that much! i don’t know.
DAVE: well is it tolerable or desirable
JOHN: hmm... not really?
DAVE: is it negative or disgusting
JOHN: no!
DAVE: then i guess thats the only option left
He locks it in and clicks to the next question, which is just an inversion of the previous one. You watch him tentatively select “interesting” and bark out a laugh.
JOHN: what!!
DAVE: interesting sure is a loaded descriptor
JOHN: well, i told you i don’t really think about it that much!
DAVE: but just to clarify
DAVE: the idea of fucking a guy isnt negative or disgusting to you
JOHN: uh...
He thinks hard for a moment, and then looks up at you.
JOHN: i don’t know?
JOHN: i feel the same way about girls.
JOHN: it’s not gross or any thing.
JOHN: i just... don’t think about it, really.
You try to ignore the backflips your thoughts are doing in your head.
DAVE: yeah ok
DAVE: cool youre done then you can submit it
He clicks “Finish” and loads the last page.
JOHN: 2.
JOHN: “this makes you heterosexual with more than incidental homosexual tendencies.”
JOHN: ...what the fuck does that mean?
Your hands are clammy with sweat. Holy shit, can your body fucking calm down?
DAVE: uh
DAVE: well i think it means youre bi
DAVE: with a preference for women
JOHN: really?
DAVE: i mean thats what it says
JOHN: huh.
DAVE: what
JOHN: i mean, that’s... interesting.
DAVE: theres that fucking word again
JOHN: oh, shut up!
He shakes his head and smiles, but quickly falls back into a neutral expression.
JOHN: hmm...
JOHN: i guess it doesn’t really... suit me?
DAVE: what because it doesnt say youre straight as fuck
JOHN: no!
JOHN: just that... the questions were kind of weird?
DAVE: what do you mean
JOHN: i mean i already told you.
JOHN: i just don’t really think about that stuff!
DAVE: are you
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: would you like that stuff
JOHN: uh... i don’t... know...?
DAVE:
JOHN: i mean.
JOHN: it sounds nice!
JOHN: but i don’t really find myself wanting it, you know?
JOHN: like, if there was this really tasty dessert after dinner, but i was already full from dinner.
JOHN: i’m sure the dessert is nice, but i don’t really want it, because i’ve already eaten!
DAVE: alright
DAVE:
DAVE: so whats dinner
JOHN: what?
DAVE: i mean whats the dinner in this situation
DAVE: whats got you not hungry for dessert
JOHN: pfft!
He shoves you lightly.
JOHN: it wasn’t that deep!
JOHN: i don’t think there is a dinner!
JOHN: i just think i’m not really hungry to begin with!
DAVE:
DAVE:
DAVE:
DAVE: huh
That’s . . . a really weird concept to consider. Like sure, you’re not balls to the walls fucking randy all the time, but it’s not like you’d turn down an offer if one was presented to you.
DAVE: right
DAVE: okay
JOHN: is...
JOHN: is what i’m saying weird?
DAVE: no its not weird
JOHN: you’re acting like it is!
DAVE: well
DAVE: i dont get it
DAVE: but its not weird
JOHN: do you need me to explain it differently?
DAVE: no i *understand* it
DAVE: i just dont *get* it
DAVE: i dont feel like that
JOHN: oh.
He sits quiet for a moment, thinking about it, before you remember something.
DAVE: wait
DAVE: what about that first question
JOHN: huh?
DAVE: the one about who youre attracted to
DAVE: and you said women
DAVE: but now youre saying youre uh
DAVE: not hungry
JOHN: oh!
JOHN: i mean, i think women are pretty!
DAVE:
DAVE:
DAVE:
You have to bite your lip to keep from smirking.
DAVE: john
JOHN: what?
DAVE: thinking someones pretty isnt the same as being attracted to them
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: really?
He doesn’t even sound that surprised, which is the most confusing part for you, honestly.
JOHN: alright.
And then he lets it go, just like that.
DAVE: wait
DAVE: thats it
DAVE: no argument
DAVE: no im not a homosexual
JOHN: well, yeah?
JOHN: i’m pretty sure you know more about this than i do, and if you’re saying “pretty” doesn’t mean “attracted to”, then i guess i believe you!
You just gaze at him. If he answered that question incorrectly, then that would bump his position up to 3, strictly in the middle. But what he’s describing also doesn’t sound very inclined in either direction.
JOHN: hey, aren’t YOU going to take the test?
JOHN: it was your idea!
DAVE: huh
DAVE: oh yeah
To be completely honest, you’re thankful for the distraction, even though you’ve completed the test a million times before. You click through and submit your answers in less than ten seconds.
DAVE: there we go
DAVE: 5
JOHN: huh, that’s like, the total opposite of mine!
DAVE: yeah i guess so huh
JOHN: so that means you’re... bisexual?
DAVE: yep
DAVE: but still with an infernal hankering for man sausage
JOHN: haha! alright, alright, i get it.
You both sit in silence for a moment, having finished the quizzes. Your mind begins to wander again when John speaks up.
JOHN: oh hey!!
JOHN: last time jade was here she left some of her nail polish behind.
JOHN: we should totally use it!
It takes you a moment to regain your bearings—John has gone straight from discussing bisexuality to entertaining the idea of engaging in a very non-heteronormative activity, after all—and when you manage, you give him a shrug.
DAVE: i dunno egbert
DAVE: what color is it
DAVE: i cant just have any fuckin shade gracing these fine nail beds of mine
JOHN: >:B you’re ridiculous.
JOHN: let me go find it, hold on!
John doesn’t even stand up, just flies up from where he was sitting, up over the second-floor landing, and down the hall to the bathroom. He comes flying back with the tiny bottle in hand.
JOHN: and the color iiiiisss...
JOHN: scarlet obsession!!
DAVE: im sorry john but that sounds fucking dreadful
JOHN: hehehe, i know, right?
He settles down next to you on the carpet as before, criss-cross-applesauce.
JOHN: but it’s red!
JOHN: actually, now that i look at it, it’s really close to some of the reds on your pjs.
He hands it to you and you inspect it, holding it against your godtier sleeve.
DAVE: oh shit youre right
DAVE: well isnt that fuckin uncanny
JOHN: soooo...
His eyes twinkle when he looks at you.
JOHN: is scarlet obsession acceptable for the esteemed knight of time?
DAVE: i guess its good enough
DAVE: i do have pretty high standards
DAVE: it would be extremely hard to find something befitting of my godly callused fingertips in your bathroom cupboard
JOHN: haha.
JOHN: alright, you first!
DAVE: do your worst
It takes John half an hour to paint all ten of your nails, and even by then, his lack of fine motor skills has left your fingertips looking like you dipped them in a can of paint. He also had a lot of trouble gauging the thickness of the stuff, so it’s solidified into uneven, bumpy globs on your nails that you’re not sure will ever dry.
JOHN: wow, that’s hard!
JOHN: jade and rose made it look so easy!
DAVE: so im assuming youve never used nail polish before
JOHN: nope.
He laughs.
JOHN: i’m sure you can tell by the shitty job i did.
JOHN: jade and rose would paint each other’s nails, but i would just watch.
DAVE: oh man are you in for a fuckin treat then
DAVE: it just so happens i am well versed in the art of nail polishing
JOHN: you are??
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: everyone did it on the meteor
DAVE: got lots of practice in
DAVE:
DAVE: ok but first ive gotta wipe these off
You grab a handful of tissues John had found for the occasion and wipe your fingers off.
JOHN: but- you just got rid of ALL of it!!
DAVE: and my hands still look like i committed murder
DAVE: anyway yeah you put it on too thick it wouldnt have dried
DAVE: ill just do them again after yours
JOHN: alright.
DAVE: alright
DAVE: are you ready for this
DAVE: are you ready to deconstruct earthling gender roles and wave goodbye to heteronormativity
JOHN: hehe, yeah, let’s do it!
You hold his hands gingerly, angling his fingers to get at the nail right along the cuticles, but without making a mess like he had done. You make quick, neat work of his left pinky nail, and he holds it up in awe.
JOHN: wow, it’s so neat!
JOHN: it looks like i got it done in a salon or some thing!
DAVE: told you i got lots of practice in
JOHN: hehe, you weren’t lying!
He holds his newly colored nail up in front of himself, nails turned outwards facing you.
JOHN: so, what’s the verdict? does red look as good on me as it does on you?
You try to ignore the implications that question carries, and swallow.
DAVE: not too shabby i guess
DAVE: not your best color but itll do
In fact, the red looks incredible on him—it’s a stark contrast to his deep blue eyes, but it’s that contrast that brings out the color in them even more.
John only laughs and returns his hand to yours, urging you to continue, and not because he wants to be touching you, which you tell yourself vehemently. You continue with his nails in silence, and you’re almost finished when he speaks again.
JOHN: hey, dave?
DAVE: yeah
JOHN: can i... ask you some thing?
DAVE: you just did
He snorts, but it’s a mirthless kind of laugh.
JOHN: seriously, dave.
DAVE: ok seriously what
JOHN: remember the smoke detector?
You freeze for a second, muscles locking up as your heartrate picks up, before continuing with the polish.
DAVE: what about it
JOHN: well...
JOHN: you never really told me what was going on with that.
JOHN: why you reacted the way you did.
DAVE: didnt you say i didnt have to
You blurt the words out without thinking, and then mentally berate yourself. Now, of course he’s going to fucking press about it.
He pauses for a moment, and then sighs.
JOHN: i know, i know.
JOHN: i just worry about you some times.
DAVE: hold up egbert isnt that my fuckin job
DAVE: youre the one who was cooped up in here all alone until i showed up
DAVE: havin nightmares and panic attacks
You’ve considerably slowed your pace on his nails, hoping to drag the distraction out for as long as possible. You’ve been on his second-to-last finger for two minutes now, but you don’t think he’s noticed. You hope he hasn’t noticed.
JOHN: yeah, i know that!
JOHN: but even if...
JOHN: even if i have my problems, i don’t want to ignore yours either.
DAVE: who says i have problems
You can hear your voice take on a sharp edge, suddenly defensive, and you wince at yourself. As if that wasn’t the biggest fucking red flag you could throw out there.
JOHN: i’m not saying you do!
JOHN: well, i mean...
JOHN: i’d just be surprised if you didn’t.
JOHN: considering every thing that’s happened.
You don’t answer, just continue with his nails at a snail’s pace. After your third agonising coat on his thumb, he speaks.
JOHN: jeez, you done yet?
And just like that, you retract, letting go of his hand completely and immediately starting on your own nails, avoiding his gaze.
JOHN: ...
JOHN: so do i just... wait for them to dry, now?
JOHN: how long does that take?
DAVE: i may be remembering wrong but dont you have windy powers
JOHN: oh, yeah! that’s such a good idea!
You can see him hold his hands up in your periphery, fingers spread, and a gentle breeze ruffles your hair as he goes about drying his polish. You have a feeling he’s staring at his nails, taking them in, and you want to look at him, but you don’t.
You’re both silent until you finish your own nails, which you also try to drag out, but you find you can’t be as convincing with John watching you as he is. Finally you slip the brush back into the bottle and screw it shut, very slowly.
JOHN: alright, hold your hands out.
You do so without meeting his gaze, and you feel the breeze again, this time stronger as it’s concentrated around your own hands. Though John’s conducting the wind, you can still feel his eyes boring into you. They feel like lasers ready to burn through your skin.
Eventually, you speak.
DAVE: its sburb
JOHN: huh?
For all the expectant waiting he’s been doing, he sounds surprised that you’ve actually answered him.
DAVE: the fire alarm
DAVE: just sburb shit
He’s quiet for a beat, and then he reaches out to lay a hand on your knee. You try not to sweat, and fail.
JOHN: hey...
JOHN: i get it.
JOHN: it... it sucked.
JOHN: it still sucks.
Hearing the strain in his voice, you finally force yourself to look up at him, and when you meet his eyes, they’re sad.
JOHN: i...
JOHN: i didn’t realise how much it affected me until my dad died.
JOHN: once he was gone, i didn’t have a routine to fall in to.
JOHN: and... i dunno, i felt... useless.
JOHN: like, i’d spent all those years playing the game, trying to win, trying to get us out.
JOHN: and suddenly i had no purpose any more.
JOHN: every thing was just normal again.
He looks away from you, suddenly ashamed.
JOHN: my nightmares... they were never about my dad.
JOHN: they were about the game.
You can feel the understanding color your face as you listen. No wonder he had woken in cold sweats, with quickened breathing—more panicked than grieving.
JOHN: um...
JOHN: i had a lot of nightmares about failing.
JOHN: about dying, permanently, and not being able to help you guys complete the game. leaving you all stuck in there.
JOHN: i know it didn’t happen to us.
JOHN: but it happened in a lot of alternate time lines.
JOHN: and i’m not sure how detached those time lines really are from our own.
JOHN: i don’t know how easily i could have slipped up, and doomed every one.
JOHN: i feel useless a lot now, but what if i had been back then?
JOHN: and what if it had cost every one?
DAVE: youre not useless
The words are out before you can stop them, sounding more like they were punched from you than actually spoken. John turns his head back to look at you, and you feel your chest clench at the sadness in his eyes.
DAVE: youre NOT useless
DAVE: you got us out
DAVE: were free now
Against your better judgement, you mirror John, and lay a hand on his knee.
DAVE: you did so fuckin much john
DAVE: you were the first client and the last server
DAVE: you reached godtier before any of us
DAVE: you retconned the shit out of the doomed timeline and stopped it from happening
DAVE: and you took down the condesce
He laughs, but it’s a bitter sound.
JOHN: roxy did that, not me.
DAVE: yeah well you were there
DAVE: you really think any one of you could have brought her down by yourselves
DAVE: you all worked together
DAVE: and it worked
His eyes flick away from you, and he’s quiet for a moment. Then he meets your gaze again with a small smile.
JOHN: and you got rid of jack.
DAVE: i didnt-
You catch yourself. What sort of message would it spread to John if you denied your contributions like he did?
DAVE: and i didnt do it alone either
DAVE: we all worked together and we made it out didnt we
DAVE: were safe now
JOHN: i guess.
JOHN: ...
JOHN: it’s just... hard to let that sink in, you know?
DAVE:
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: i get it
You both fall quiet again, and you retrieve your hand. Your nails are now dry.
JOHN: hey
You look up at him, and his eyes are soft.
JOHN: thanks for being honest with me, even though it’s hard.
You look away. You don’t reply.
You hadn’t been honest with him. In fact, Sburb marked the beginning of the best parts of your life.
It was what came before that still haunted you.