Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Maya didn’t know how much time had passed since she heard the words “several doctors were hit by a car outside the reproductive rights clinic at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, requesting any available aid cars to the scene” coming through the spotty radio as she was climbing down a freaking cave to save some stupid people. The words were seared into her brain and her wife was all she could think of even as she lost her footing, almost falling down if it weren’t for the harness she had on and Andy and the chief holding her up. Even as she managed to calm down just enough to get the job done, to perform the rescue she was there to perform, that whole sentence kept repeating itself over and over on an infernal loop as she robotically did her job.

She was the first on the cabin of the ladder, quickly looking for her cellphone as the rest of the team finished loading the gear and the patients were already on route to the nearest hospital – or the nearest open hospital since Grey Sloan was only opened for trauma and the influencer and her not-boyfriend were stable enough to not be a trauma anymore.

Maya’s knee was bouncing up and down as she put the phone to her ear only to be met with the ‘no signal’ tone. She sighed, hanging up and trying again in a second. How did that influencer had service all the way to the bottom of the cave but Maya couldn’t get a single bar? Useless signal booster. Maybe it was because her phone was almost obsolete for an iPhone but that was a conversation for another time, she needed to call Carina and find out if she was okay, find out if she was… alive.

Not even 2 minutes later, everyone hopped in the respective vehicles and started to drive back to the city but Maya still couldn’t get a call to go out. She grunted and everyone in the cabin looked at her but didn’t say anything, imagining that nothing they could say would make the blonde feel better. She needed to hear any news and no one had answers.

Running to Grey Sloan was… something. Maya only ran 10 blocks but it felt like 10 miles. Maya’s brain new that, logically, 10 blocks was roughly one mile and her mile was really good. Once upon a time, when she was younger and fitter, she could run one mile in five minutes and forty-nine seconds. Now, if taking it easy –easy for Maya’s standards– she could do a mile a little over seven minutes, eight minutes tops. But the six minutes that it took her to run 10 blocks from the moment she jumped out of the ladder to when she arrived at the hospital only to be stopped by a security guard, felt like hours, felt like she was moving at snail pace or like on horror movies where the corridors get longer and longer as you start running faster. Her body was wired from running again after such a long time but her brain wasn’t experiencing the release running used to bring, she didn’t feel the stress flowing out of her body, she felt it building up but she couldn’t stop. She wouldn’t. Maya had never been a quitter and this time her goal was too important for her to even consider quitting… her goal was Carina.

When Maya finally made it inside the hospital thanks to Teddy, her heart raced knowing she was about to get some answers, but Dr. Altman telling her that Carina was in surgery was not the answer she expected to hear. She felt her stomach turning upside down during the second it took Teddy to correct her terrible choice of words but finally, finally, Maya knew Carina was okay. She was alive. But now she needed to see her because her brain wouldn’t just take Teddy’s word. So she and Ben started searching the entire hospital, finding Bailey and then stopping by to see baby Pru but –and don’t get Maya wrong, she was happy to see both– they weren’t who she wanted to see so she just took off again and started looking for her wife on her own. Carina was still not picking up her calls and the nurses and doctors looked very busy for her to ask anyone about her wife’s whereabouts so she went to the most logical place where Carina could be: the OB floor.

Maya’s shirt was sticking to her back, her hair was sticking to her forehead and the smell of dirt clung to her; she knew she was a mess but that didn’t matter, nothing mattered because she finally spotted Carina. The doctor was carrying some supplies and she looked to be in a rush but she was there, she was okay, and that’s all she managed to say through shaky breaths. Carina seemed distant as she told her she needed to go but there was warmth and love in her eyes when she thanked her wife for checking up on her. Maya knew Carina was doing the same she did a few hours ago: putting her feelings on hold to be able to do her job, so she decided to stick around a bit more, both for Carina and for herself.

When Bailey told her she should wait in Carina’s office, she refused at first. Carina had been clear when she told her she couldn’t just barge into her office at any time and, while at that time Maya had chosen to respectful ignore her and give her the –unbeknownst to her– poisonous lasagna, she wanted to respect her space. But Miranda was a hard woman to say no to and so Maya ended up sitting on Carina’s office’s couch, head hanging low as she reliving the events of the day in her head, replaying those cursed words she heard on the radio like a broken record. Her stupid brain kept nagging at her, urging her to make sure Carina was alright because her eyes could be deceiving and her ears could betray her but her touch would not. If Maya could just hold Carina, it would mean she really was okay.

Maya didn’t know how many minutes or hours more passed until she heard the door of the office opening and her wife standing there, looking at her like she was a dream. And again, she didn’t know how much time had passed since she took Carina in her arms, at first for her own sake and then for Carina’s. The Italian sobbed and whimpered, she sniffled and shook her shoulders and Maya could only hold her as tight as she could without hurting her.

After a while, they pulled away again, Maya caressed Carina’s cheeks with the back of her fingers, carefully wiping away the remaining traces of her tears. “Why don’t you change out of those scrubs so I can take you to your hotel?”

Carina took a step back, finally breaking contact with Maya and pulled the collar of her scrubs to wipe her face again, leaving her cheeks red as she cleared her throat. “You don’t have to do that, you’re probably tired too.” She said, turning around to look for her change of clothes.

“I’m okay and…” The blonde chewed on the inside of her bottom lip for a second, turning to face the door and give Carina privacy as she changed, “I think it would be better if I drive you there.”

The only sound in the room was the ruffling of clothes and Maya started to nervously fidgeting with her ring, fearing that Carina could have taken her words the wrong way.

“That is very thoughtful, Maya but then you won’t have a way to get back –” Carina stopped herself before saying home, “to the apartment.”

“I can take a taxi or something, I don’t mind.” Maya offered again, she didn’t want to be pushy but she also didn’t want Carina to drive as she was still shaken.

There was more silence. The blonde was about to apologize when Carina walked passed her to face her with her slightly wrinkled street clothes and her eyes still puffy from crying. “Thank you.” She whispered as the corner of her mouth quirked up in a fragile smile.

They walked side by side to the parking lot, not as close as they used to but closer than they had lately. Maya could almost feel Carina’s warmth on her bare arm. The doctor handed her wife the keys of her Porsche and Maya proceeded to unlock it, immediately opening the passenger side door for the Italian. She gave Maya another small smile and the blonde felt something tinkle inside her chest. Finally, she entered the car, briefly glancing at Carina with the corner of her eyes before putting on her seatbelt and starting the car.

The drive to the hotel was silent. The air between them was a mix of awkwardness and wariness but it was also comforting as they were no strangers to drive without talking, the silence only being broken by the music coming from the stereo, but this time there was no music as Maya didn’t want to impose anything, not even music, to Carina at the moment and Carina felt it would be more awkward to try to mask their silence with some tunes, so the Italian looked out the window to the gloomy sky –how the weather in Seattle shifted from hot and sunny to humid and cloudy in a few hours still amused her– but she was almost certain there would be no rain, it was just the winter coming to it’s end.

They finally arrived at the hotel and the valet parking opened Carina’s door before Maya even got a chance to open hers. She then handed the keys to the young man and put her hands on her pockets while both women saw him drive off. They stood there for a few moments before one of them finally had the guts to speak.

“You could come upstairs to freshen up if you want… before you call a cab.” Carina said, motioning to the inside of the hotel with a head nudge.

“That… would be very nice. Thank you.” Maya said, taking slow steps in her wife’s direction. “Splashing some water on my face would be good.”

Carina arched a brow and snorted, seeing an opportunity to tease the blonde, trying to feel like things were okay between them. “I think you need more than that.” She almost grinned by the cute crease that formed between Maya’s eyebrows. “I didn’t want to mention it earlier but… you’re kinda smelly.”

Maya’s jaw dropped in indignation. “What?”

“Yeah, you’re sweaty and smell like,” She paused a moment to lean into Maya and sniff, “like you were hanging out with some animal or something. I don’t want you to ruin some poor cabbie’s back seat.”

Maya snorted. “It’s not my fault some stupid couple got themselves trapped in the bottom of a cave, alright? I was just doing my job getting them out of there.” She said, not getting into any more details and walked faster, leaving a flabbergasted Carina a few steps behind.

“Wait, what?” The doctor exclaimed but the blonde only let out a playful giggle in response.

After that exchange, the silence between them as they rode the elevator was 10 times lighter but some awkwardness still lingered.

“You’re really not telling me anything else?” Carina asked as they stepped off the elevator on her floor.

Maya shrugged. “It’s not that interesting. What I mentioned is all that happened.” Yeah, she left out the part where she almost fell but she didn’t want to add anything to the list of Carina’s worries.

The Italian fished out the key card from her purse and let her wife in first. “Do you want to use the bathroom first or…?”

“No, no, no, you go first, I can wait.” Maya replied, awkwardly reclining on a wall and flashing Carina a genuine smile that didn’t match her nervousness but did match her words.

The doctor nodded and grabbed a baggy beige shirt, gray sweatpants and some underwear to take a quick shower and try to wash away such a terrible day. She didn’t take more than 10 minutes and when she came out of the bathroom, Maya was almost in the same position, only that now she was playing with her phone. The blonde looked up when she heard the bathroom door open and was happy to see Carina looking a little bit better.

“I’ll be quick.” She said, stuffing her phone on her pocket and entering the bathroom.

Maya washed her hands first, making sure her ring didn’t slide off her finger because of the soap. Looking at her ring, at the rubber band she wore at work so she wouldn’t lose the other one, she couldn’t help but think of Carina not wearing hers. Yes, she had noticed. A while ago, actually. But she didn’t have any right to confront her about it, she could only hope Carina would give her the chance to prove to her that she was all in, that she had always been, and maybe then Carina would be ready to wear her wedding band again. Maya then cupped her hands to hold some water and held her breath for a moment as she lowered her face, feeling the cold water refreshing. She washed away any traces of dirt and sweat from her skin, rubber the back of her neck with a wet hand and grabbed one of the hand towels to dry herself. Finally, Maya stared at herself on the mirror for a moment, breathing in and out a couple of times. “Let’s go.”

She found Carina already in her bed, tucked beneath the covers and staring at the ceiling, at least she was staring at the ceiling until Maya came out of the bathroom, and was only illuminated by the moonlight coming from the window as she had already turned off the lights.

“I should –” Maya started to speak, taking a step towards the door but Carina didn’t let her finish.

“Could you… stay for… a short while?”

Maya was stunned, she wasn’t expecting Carina to say that. “I uh,”

But apparently that hesitation scared the doctor into changing her mind. “But if you have to go, I understand. You stayed all day in the hospital, I bet you want to go rest.” She said, taking the covers all the way to her neck and turning in her side, her back facing Maya.

The blonde circled the bed until she was on the other side and was able to look at her wife’s face again. “I can stay if you want me to.” Carina’s eyes found hers in a second. “Maybe… until you fall asleep, if that’s okay.”

“How would you know that I’m asleep?”

Maya smirked. “I’ll know it when you start snoring.”

The Italian sat up fast, almost like she had a spring underneath her to make her jump out of bed, and glared at the other woman. “I do not snore.”

Maya’s grin grew larger. “You sure do but it’s cute… like a tiny kitten purring.”

Carina’s eyes were still narrowed, looking at the blonde suspiciously as her bottom lip started to form a tiny pout. “Shut up and get in bed.”

Maya’s teasing smile faded and was replaced with a softer one as she sat on the edge of the bed to remove her boots. She didn’t bother taking off anything else as she would be leaving eventually so she then laid down and swiftly shifted to her side, facing the Italian.

“Do you… do you want to talk about… anything?” Maya asked after a couple of minutes.

Carina shook her hear. “Not really… I don’t want to think about anything. I just… want to forget.”

“Okay.”

They remained like that for a long time, silently gazing into each other’s eyes from across opposite ends of the mattress. Eventually, Carina’s eyelids started to grow heavier and heavier until she couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore. Maya waited and waited until her ears finally caught a very soft snore coming from her wife’s barely parted lips. She smiled, looked at Carina for one more minute, trying to capture that moment forever in her brain, and finally decided it was time to go, as she said she would. She was very careful as she turned to her back to get up, moving slowly to not make the bed shift but before she had a chance to sit up, something stopped her.

“Stay.”

The blonde turned her face to the side but Carina’s eyes were still closed.

Maybe it had been her imagination. Her brain reminding her that the ears could deceive her and that she only heard that word because she was desperate for it so she tried to get up again.

“Stay.”

This time when she turned, Carina’s eyes were half opened but it was clear that she was looking at her as she whispered that word.

“You want me to stay the night?” Maya asked, not wanting to break any boundaries.

The doctor nodded and a beat later a barely audible “Sì,” came from her lips. “Please.” She whispered, closing her eyes again. “Don’t go.”

Maya shifted her body again to be on her side, her left hand under the pillow and the right reaching out to the other woman, almost caressing her cheek but resisting the urge to do it and retracting her hand to herself. “I’m not going anywhere, my love.”

Carina didn’t answer, not with words at least. She just shifted a little bit closer to Maya. And Maya laid there, guarding her wife’s sleep until her body couldn’t be awake any longer and for the first time in a very long time, she rested.