Chapter Text
Etho didn't know what time it was when he picked the razor blade back up. If he had to guess, he'd probably say 2 AM, but he didn't have to guess, so that was irrelevant. The sting of the deep cuts and desperate scratches on his thighs and forearms throbbed in time with his heart, which pounded slowly, yet strongly in his chest.
His eyes stung from where he was staring up blankly at the bathroom light. His position laying curled up on the floor was far from comfortable, but he was too tired to move, even just to turn the light off and collapse back onto the bath mat. Etho lulled his head to the side, feeling his neck protest the movement but also registering the relief in his eyes.
He tried to find sleep from where his head rested on the bath mat, and maybe he did, but it was brief enough that he didn't even notice. He rolled over to face the ceiling, ignoring the twinge of pain in his neck as he sighed, realizing that he would have to get up if anything was to get better.
Etho hauled his body into a sitting position, perhaps a bit too quickly as his head started to spin, black spots dancing across his vision for a few seconds. He scooted himself backwards until he felt himself hit the bathtub and propped himself up against it, waiting for the headrush to dissipate before continuing.
Once he was confident that he wasn't about to pass out, he pushed himself up, using the side of the tub to support his aching body while doing so. He then hobbled to his bedroom, ignoring the mess of blood and his razor blade behind him, using any furniture he could to brace or support his body as he wandered slowly to his bed.
Finally reaching the safe haven of his bedroom, Etho closed the door slowly and sofly behind him before collapsing face first into his bed. He sighed into his pillow, far from content with the situation, but feeling a million times better now that he was in a dark room and on a soft mattress instead of hard tile. He didn't bother getting under the blanket, just rolled over to his back at some desprite attempt to get comfortable. Despite the conditions, Etho found sleep almost as soon as his eyes closed.
***
BZZZZz
BZZZZz
BZZZZz
"Mmhggggggh..."
BZZZZz
BZZZZz
Etho pried his eyes open, sitting up despite the protests of newly scabbed wounds. He grabbed his comm from the nightstand, groggily rubbing his eyes with his free hand, and inputting the password without even looking with the other.
He checked the time, surprised that his comm read just past 10 for two different reasons. Firstly, he was definitely a morning person, the latest he would wake up would usally be 8 no matter what time he fell asleep, and secondly, because Beef, who had been the one messaging him, was not a morning person, usally rolling out of bed at 10 and not being functional until 11.
Beefers: hey etho! just wanted to check in, i havent heard from you in a hwile
Beefers: *while
Beefers: also, sorry for messaging u so early
Beefers: actually, youve probably been up for hours already lol
Beefers: just get back to me when you can :p
Etho chuckled upon seeing the messages, speedily typing back a reply to his friend.
You: i actually just woke up lol
Beefers: haha sorry if i woke u
You: its fine, i need to get up anyways :)
Beefers: lol
Beefers: so howve you been lately?
Etho began typing out one of his go-to responses of 'fine' or 'good' before feeling his smile drop. He didn't want to lie anymore. He didn't want to hide anymore and he definitely didn't want to deal whatever it was he was dealing with alone anymore. Sighing, he tapped the delete button semi-aggressivly a few times before trying to word a response. One does not simply continue a conversation with 'lmao I'm dying inside, how bout you?'
You: lmao im dying inside, how bout you?
...or maybe that's exactly what you do.
How was Etho supposed to know? He's never 'asked for help' before, or whatever people called this weird advanced form of torture and anxiety. He watched the weird type-y bubble appear before disappearing, only to appear again a moment later.
Okay maybe he was not ready to do this.
He hurriedly turned his comm off before slamming it face-down on the mattress. He stared straight ahead at the wall infront of him, wide eyed and not daring to move a muscle for who-knows-what reason.
BZZZZz
BZZZZz
Well SOMEONE wasn't getting the memo. Jeez, couldn't Beef just forget he'd ever sent that message? How rude of him to type a message back! The nerve to of this guy, responding to a message? Uncalled for!
He inhaled deeply before quickly grabbing and unlocking the comm, navigating back to the chat with Beef, but not reading it yet. He closed his eyes, slowly letting out a breath before inhaling again and repeating the process. The message is funny enough that he could take it for a joke, right? He rationalized. It'll be fine, he probably just sent an lol or something. After a few more deep breaths, he slowly opened his eyes, reading over the messages.
Beefers: haha
Beefers: seriously tho- you good eths?
Etho felt a smile on his face as he read the messages back. Perfect! This could easily be played off as a bad joke! But... the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to admit the truth, the more he wanted to stop leaving his friend in the dark about this. Beef comes to him when he's in a dark place... could he really go to Beef as well?
***
Warmth surrounded Etho in the form of a hug from his best friend as soon as he had opened the front door.
There were tears from both sides as Etho spoke to Beef, it taking hours to articulate and admit to everything he'd been feeling and that had been building up for years. They'd even cleaned up the mess in the bathroom together, Ethos suggestion to bring in an industrial-sized power washer going ignored, much to his mock disappointment.
Beef stayed over for a few days, despite Ethos many (weak) protests. It took Beef giving Etho contacts for suicide prevention hotlines and confiscating more than one razor blade for him to feel comfortable with leaving his base.
Beef would come back the same day at night when Etho called him through hiccups and hitches in breaths, and they would sit on the couch together until 1 AM with blankets around their shoulders and Super Smash Bros. Ultimate playing on the TV.
"Y'know Beef," Etho started after throwing the others character off the stage. "I.. I kinda thought I messed up when I messaged you, but... I think.. I think I made the right choice for once."
"You did make the right choice, Etho. I'm.. I'm happy you trust me enough to tell me." He replied sofly.
"I think I'm gonna tell X tomorrow," Etho added. "You said he knows therapists and stuff?"
"He does. But you don't have to go yet if you're not ready. It's fine if you wanna take it slow."
Etho looked at the other. "I thought it over... I think I can handle it. Plus, I've got you to help me if I can't." He smiled almost timidly, but with enough warmth and appreciation to counter it.
Beef had a smile of his own now. "I'm so proud of you, Etho."
PLAYER 2 WINS
"HEY WTF WE WERE HAVING A MOMENT BEEF!!!!"