Work Text:
nico sighs quietly as they snuggle further under the covers, the comforter covering his body up to right below his nose. he hasn’t left bed all day today, and doesn’t have any plans on doing so.
of course, their plans are foiled, as per usual, as they hear a knock on the cabin door. the pattern sounds like percy’s knock, and nico softly calls out for him to come in.
percy peers inside as he opens the door, stepping into the cabin and closing the door quietly behind him. he’s conscious of whatever noise he may be making, trying to keep as quiet as possible for nico. nico’s grateful for it, watching as percy sits on the edge of his bed.
“if you’re here to apologize,” nico says as soon as percy opens his mouth, “i don’t want to hear it.”
percy’s mouth snaps shut, a sheepishly guilty look crossing over his face. “even if it was not about my own guilt?”
“you know i hate pity.”
“i do.”
“go on.”
“i’m sorry,” percy sighs, running a hand through his hair. his eyes are a bit duller in color, nico notices, as they lacked their usual playful glint in them. “and i… hope today gets easier, in the future.”
nico hums quietly, turning his gaze away from percy as he goes back to their own thoughts.
the anniversary of bianca’s passing was today.
it’s been five years since, but it doesn’t make anything easier. there’s days that nico wakes up wishing that the other bed was occupied by his sister, and days where nico curses the hunters for stealing his sister (with apologies to lady artemis afterwards, of course). nico would still wake up from nightmares about her time on the quest, up until her death — nightmares about what her body may have looked like, if percy and the others had somehow found it.
nico, sometimes, didn’t even know what to do with themselves after such information, or after a nightmare. he’d stay up for hours on end, staring blankly ahead of him as their mind tries to wrap itself around such a suggestion that their imagination offers.
hence, he is now curled up in the comfort of his bed, refusing to come out of his cabin unless there was something dire they needed to attend to. percy chooses that moment to set down a water bottle, a bag of chips, and a sandwich in a ziploc bag on nico’s night table quietly. nico nods at percy in thanks, blankly staring ahead, lost in thought.
“i, uh.” percy cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. “i… did some digging. not – not literally, i didn’t grave rob – but – i, uh, managed to find this. lord hades and lady artemis, they both… aided me. i thought you should have it.”
nico slowly turns their gaze over to percy, and stares in disbelief as percy pulls out bianca’s green cap that she used to wear. his jaw drops slightly, knowing that it was hers, seeing the certain stitches that their mamma had used to patch it up, the small flower pin still on the side, albeit somewhat rusted over now. they watch as percy sets it down gently on nico’s night table, percy whispering, “i could tell that she wore it a lot, and was clearly from back when you were… both in italy. so, uh… it’s yours now.”
“i…” nico stares at the cap in shock, blinking away the tears that begin to well up in his eyes. “th-thank you… i– i knew she never – that she’d never toss it so i – i thought it was lost.”
“you deserve to have it,” percy says with a small smile. “i just – wanted to give it to you.”
nico nods slowly, finally tearing his gaze away from the cap and blankly staring off again. percy takes it as his cue, gently patting nico’s legs before standing up to leave. before he can get far, nico quietly calls out, “percy?”
“hm?”
“... do you still think it should have been you?”
percy takes a deep breath, exhaling shakily. nico notices how he clenches his fists and relaxes them, knowing that it wasn’t in anger at their question. “... at times, yes. not as much recently as i did before, but there are times that i do think so. and where i still wish i could have kept both of you guys’ promises to its fullest extents.”
nico hums quietly, mulling over percy’s response. they know that bianca had essentially asked percy to promise her that he’d watch over nico and make sure that he was okay while she joined the hunters. “perce?”
“yeah, neeks?”
nico slowly inhales, gathering enough courage to look up at percy, who was looking right at him. “i forgive you.”
“... oh?”
“i never got to say it to you, not properly, at least,” nico explains quietly. “i… i told bianca i forgave her for her decisions. but never you. i don’t blame you, and i haven’t for years. i forgive you for whatever grudge younger me had against you about bianca’s death. i know you did what you could, and that it was … fated. and i – i really appreciate that you – you did what you could to honor her last wishes.”
percy smiles softly, approaching nico and bending down so that they were face to face. he reaches out questioningly, and when nico doesn’t protest, he brushes nico’s bangs back. “of course, neeks. you know that i care for you, and i cared for her, too. i’d never back down from that.”
nico returns his smile weakly, and percy stands, saying, “i have to train some campers in sword fighting, but – i’ll send will your way soon. he should come in before dinner, there’s been an increase of cases at the infirmary today. take care of yourself, kid.”
percy quietly slips out of the cabin, the door making a nearly inaudible click as it shuts behind him.
nico doesn’t know how long they stare off into the distance, but he knows it must be hours. grief is a strange thing – it has a chokehold on you, that it merely loosens and never lets go fully. once the cycle’s been completed, whenever – and if ever – that point is reached, then it begins to crash through the last three stages over and over and over and over.
the depression stage has taken its hold on them once more, crashing over him in waves. the anger stage has dissipated completely from within him, and anytime he falls back and thinks on it – or today comes by – he can only feel dejected, as well as emptiness.
it’s not that they don’t accept the fact that she’s gone – he can feel that her soul no longer resided in that body, and had gone through elysium and was rebirthed elsewhere. they know that she’s gone.
but it hurts .
it hurts to think about how he’d never have bianca there next to him again. of course, they’ve got his friends, and hazel, and will, but it just… wasn’t the same. it was like what he and leo had said during their conversation all that time ago – it felt lonely to not have any blood relatives around anymore. his newfound family, of course, was so wonderful to them, and they were so, so grateful. but sometimes he wishes he had bianca there next to him, or at least an iris message away.
nico manages to at least eat his sandwich and drink his water, the bag of chips still set aside on the night table for later. they don’t feel like moving still, only getting up to go to the restroom (will has instilled a fear in him about ignoring the urge to go) and maybe grabbing a new cup of water.
at some point, he hears another soft knock on the door, and they look up to see will peeking in, saying, “can i come in?”
nico nod, watching as will slips inside, shutting the door behind him. will glances around the cabin briefly, and nico can tell that he’s noting how all the lights are off, the only light filtering into the cabin being from the sunlight through the windows. will approaches nico’s bed, and nico scoots back so that will can sit next to him properly.
“how’re you doin’, darlin’?” will whispers, weaving his fingers into nico’s hair and scratching at his scalp soothingly. “i’m glad you ate the food percy gave you.”
nico nods, laying their head on will’s thigh. “i’m… okay.”
“better than bad,” will hums, hand moving so that it begins to rub nico’s back gently. “do you want to come out for dinner today?”
“... not particularly, no.”
“that’s alright, hon’. i’ll just bring you back a plate. mr. d sends his regards, by the way.”
nico smiles for a moment before letting it drop, glad to know that mr. d had reached out, even if indirectly. will adds on after a bit, “do you want me to talk about what happened around camp today?”
nico nods, and will hums in thought for a moment. “well… i think percy might have told you, but i got stuck at the infirmary for the majority of the day. campers decided to fuck around even more today, i guess – so i didn’t get to be around the apollo cabin for their activities. kayla and austin also send their regards though, by the way.”
nico’s lips quirk up for a second, and will continues to ramble about what happened throughout the day, filling in the silence of the cabin. nico listens quietly, humming here and there in acknowledgement of what will said to them, until–
“i wish it was me instead of bianca.”
will freezes, staring down at nico with a shocked expression. nico doesn’t look up at him, staring ahead with a blank expression still on his face as he continues quietly, “i still wish that it was me that took the fall, rather than bia. she – she deserved to live.”
“and you didn’t?”
“not as much as her, no.”
nico yelps when he feels will grab their arms, forcibly sitting him up so that they’re face to face. nico scowls and snatches the comforter, wrapping it around himself and over their head. “what.”
“don’t you dare ‘ what ’ me, di angelo,” will scolds, face uncharacteristically serious. “do you still consistently wish that?”
nico pauses, before they slowly shake their head.
“is it mostly an around this time of year thing, and the occasional one here and there?”
a nod.
“darlin’,” will sighs, reaching up to cup nico’s face gently, “you know that you deserve life just as much as everyone else here. i know that it hurts that she’s gone. i understand – and you know that. but that shouldn’t mean you – or even percy, or thalia or grover, because gods know that everyone here has horrible survivor guilt – should have been in that position instead. you know just as well as i do that the fates are cruel, and it was unfortunately their plan for her.”
“i hate remembering the feeling of her dying,” nico whispers, tearing up as he thinks about it. “it – it hurt.”
“nico–”
“it felt like i was – was bein’ crushed with her, and that somethin’ was ripped from within me at the same time.” nico’s form’s shaking now, eyes unfocused as they go back in memories. “part of me felt – felt like it was missing. i felt her b-being judged – could tell that she was gonna go – get into elysium.
“it hurt ,” nico hiccups, tears finally spilling over and streaming down their face. will coos at him gently, wiping away nico’s tears as nico blubbers, “she – she was m-my anchor the whole time, during our time in italy and th-the casino and school up ‘til we got here – and she’s gone and she’s chosen rebirth so i can’t even speak to her again and it hurts will it hurts –”
“darlin’, i’m gonna need you to breathe with me,” will whispers. “feel my lifesource. you’re safe and here, and i’m right here with ya. reach out to your friends’, too. everything’s okay, no one else is slipping from your grasp.”
nico inhales shakily, closing his eyes and focusing.
will’s lifesource was gold, sparkling brightly like it were under the sun.
percy’s was a soft ocean blue, thrumming like the waves.
annabeth’s was a silvery gray, strong like her gaze.
jason’s was a white gold, crackling like lightning strikes.
piper’s was a soft pink-tinted brown, pulsating like a heartbeat.
leo’s was a fiery red, flickering out like flames.
frank’s was a swirl of red and yellow, firm-standing like the newfound leader he was.
hazel’s was amber with gold flecks, sparkling like her eyes.
thalia’s was a mix of silver and white gold, shimmering like the moon.
reyna’s was bright bronze, steely like her words.
nico gasps as he opens his eyes, tears still quietly streaming down their cheeks, but no longer panicking and attempting to catch his breath. will smiles down at him gently, whispering, “back with me, darlin’?”
nico nods weakly, letting his head droop and be held up by will’s hold. “i–”
“don’t apologize to me,” will interrupts, shaking his head. “i need you to take care of yourself . you’re okay. i’m not leaving you, i’m right here.”
“i just wish she was still here,” nico croaks out, letting out a small sniffle. “i miss her.”
“i know, hon’, i know,” will says softly, pressing his lips against the top of nico’s head. “and i’m sorry.”
nico stays silent, attempting to rid the fuzziness in his mind. will takes a deep breath, whispering, “will you be alright if i go out and get us plates of food real quick?”
nico nods, and will tilts his head up, giving nico a small kiss before quietly leaving the cabin, the door clicking shut behind him. nico sighs quietly, slipping out from the comfort of his comforter and going towards his small altar for hades on his dresser, the candle still lit from when he lit it earlier in the day. they take a deep breath, wringing their hands and whispering, “father. if you can hear me…”
nico falters, not sure how to finish his request. he closes their eyes, and he feels a bitter, cold breeze wash through the cabin. when they open their eyes, he turns to find himself facing hades. hades was wearing, strangely enough, a black suit, with a white lily in the chest pocket. his hair was slicked back, the rings on his fingers glittering.
“father.”
“son.”
they stare at one another, and hades finally takes a deep breath, staring off to the side. “i… am sorry.”
nico blinks, staring at hades curiously. “what – for what?”
“for how i have treated you in the past, regarding your sister’s passing,” hades says mournfully, and nico lets out a small, ‘oh’. “i have said some rather… untasteful things. things that i truly do regret saying. and for that, i … apologize.”
nico falls silent, mulling over hades’ apology in his head before saying quietly, “i… appreciate it. and i accept it. thank you.”
hades nods at him, and reaches into his jacket pocket. “i have kept this safe with me, since you two had gone into the lotus casino, and was intending to give it back to you once you both understood your parentage. but… the fates took her away all too soon, and i was unable to. i wish for you to have both of them.”
nico furrows his brow as hades hands them something, and nico stares at it curiously. “what…”
“you two used to wear it, for when maria took you both to church.”
nico’s suddenly thrown back into memories of his mamma dressing him up for church, her lovingly putting on the bow tie brooches on both his and bianca’s collars. she’d make sure it was settled, but never too tight for nico, who had always complained that it was too tight. il piccolo principe non dovrebbe mai essere a disagio was what she always said in her teasing tone – the little prince should never be uncomfortable . she’d pat his face lovingly, pinching their cheek before making sure that bianca’s was on correctly as well.
his was black with white trims, an orange blossom brooch settled on the center. bianca’s, on the other hand, was a deep blue with white trims as well, but with a white lily brooch instead. the brooches were still in pristine condition, as if they were only bought yesterday.
“i… i forgot about these,” nico whispers, shakily setting down the bow ties at the altar. their hands are still shaking after he sets them down, turning his gaze onto hades. “... thank you, father.”
“she at least got to see it, after she passed,” hades admits, and nico blinks in surprise. “i summoned her, to my palace, and allowed her to choose if she wished to keep her own. but – she said to … pass it onto you.”
nico smiles a bit, wiping at his eyes furiously as he feels them well up with tears. hades takes a step forward, hesitantly reaching out before placing his hand on nico’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. “you … you deserve it. she wished for you to be happy, before she went for rebirth. i wish the same for you, and so does persephone.”
“thank you, father,” nico whispers, sniffling a bit. “i … really do appreciate it. i’ve been – wanting to know more of – of the things we had back in italy.”
“i will do my best to recover more of them,” hades reassures. he lets his hand slip from nico’s shoulder, taking a step back and adding, “i will be taking my leave now – solace is approaching the cabin. do take care, son.”
“thank you.”
“and, nico?”
“... yes?”
“it would be in your best interest to roam around long island, outside of camp tomorrow. you will understand later.”
when nico blinks again, hades is gone, the only indication that he was there being the small swirl of shadows where he was standing. at that moment, will walks in with two plates, tilting his head curiously at nico. “what’s up?”
“nothing,” nico hums, turning away from the altar and approaching will, taking his plate and moving to the bed with will. “father visited. and… gave me something of ours, from when we were younger.”
“that’s sweet,” will says with a smile. “i’m glad.”
“... hey, will?”
“hm?”
“could we – go out tomorrow, to walk around the city?”
“of course, darlin’.”
and they do. early in the afternoon, they get permission from chiron and mr. d to leave camp for the afternoon. mr. d had given nico a knowing look, indicating that he knew of hades’ message.
they’re walking around the city, hand in hand after leaving the restaurant they were at for lunch. they’re talking with one another quietly, will smiling every time he manages to make nico chuckle.
“ mamma! look!”
nico and will pause, looking over as they watch a toddler come over to them, toddling away from her mom. she grins up at them, saying, “ ciao! ”
“ ciao, ” will says back, southern accent coming out as he speaks italian. the little girl grins up at him, and turns over to nico, saying, “ ciao! ”
“ ciao ,” nico says softly as the little girl’s mom rushes over, scolding her daughter in italian.
“i am so sorry,” the mother says in heavily accented english. “she gets very excited.”
“it’s okay, no worries,” will reassures her. “she’s a little sweetheart. what’s her name, if you don’t mind me askin’?”
“isabella, or bella.”
bella…?
“oh, what a sweet name!”
“we thought about bianca, too.”
will glances over at nico, who was not paying attention to the conversation, and was having a small staredown with the little girl – bella – instead.
her lifesource was the exact same silver-tinted black that bianca’s was. she had the same black eyes and black hair that she had, too. and isabella was the other name that their mamma had considered naming bianca.
“it – it’s nice to meet you, bella,” nico whispers, weakly smiling at her. “go back to your mamma and listen well, okay?”
bella nods eagerly, and she pats his knee, saying, “ addio, stellina! ”
she walks away hand-in-hand with her mother, babbling away happily as they wave goodbye to will and nico. as soon as they’re further away, will turns to nico, asking, “are you okay?”
nico’s standing still, staring at the spot that bella was just at in disbelief. addio, stellina – it was what bianca said every time she and nico parted ways for their classes at school.
her favorite goodbye phrase.
the same hair and eyes.
the same lifesource aura.
“will,” nico whispers hoarsely, “i think. i think i just saw bianca again.”
will smiles softly, pulling nico close into a hug and rubbing his back gently. “i’m happy for you, hon’. now you know she’s also in a good home, yeah?”
nico nods numbly against will’s shoulder, gripping the back of his shirt tightly as they try to calm his breathing. “yeah… i do.”
thank his father for this. they needed this after the day before. nico slowly pulls back from will, who continues to smile at nico and says, “let’s get back to camp, hm?”
nico nods, letting will lead the way back to the camp.
(and nico picks up a small bunch of asphodelus on the way back, carefully setting it on his altar to his father. they whisper his thanks, and he can feel the shadows gently swirl around them in an imitation of a hug. the shadows retreat back to their corners, and nico spares another glance at the two brooches on the dresser before slipping out of his cabin to meet up with will).