Chapter Text
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⃟✧ ིྀ･. 𝑟𝑒𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑠.
chapter seven teen !
┗━━━━━━━━━━ ⧼ 🪡 ⧽ ━━┛
┅ ࿐ ✧ ˚.⭑ ﹙❝ A coward judges all he sees by what he is.❞﹚.
⸻Stephen King, from "The Dark Tower".
┅ ࿐ ✧ ˚.⭑ ━━━━━━━━━━━ .* ིྀིྀ
It happens again. That period of time when nothing unusual beyond the usual happens. If you discount the time she woke up with visions of a red jewel and feeling like something was dying inside her. She doesn't remember much about it, so it doesn't count.
This time, Esther doesn't hesitate to accept that it will last for a while. She just childishly hopes that's all.
After turning 17, she goes back to school, excited to start her junior year.
She carries on working in the bookshop, helping people find what they're looking for and organising the books in each category. She also learns how to make coffee, watching his fellow baristas, including Marco, smile at him and serve him his mocha with Nutella while they're on break.
She keeps on visiting her mother at The New Inn, sitting and chatting with Professor Gadling whenever she can, and asking him all the questions she can think of about his university subject, history. The man is happy to answer her in detail, as if he had actually been to the court of Queen Anne Boleyn, as if he had seen the concentration camps in Germany.
She keeps in touch with Amara, Delirium, Johanna and Destiny from time to time. For the most part, it's just something to do. For the entities, it's a way to pass the time. For Johanna, it's a kind of therapy.
She still looks after Daisy's kids, telling them stories and taking them for walks in Richmond Park because it's such a beautiful place.
She still goes to her aerial dance classes, putting all her enthusiasm into it.
She continues to knit, and now she can embroider as well.
She still goes to church, happy and a little lost, but always smiling from the sheer relief of being there.
She adds one more thing to her routine, though; she goes to sleep every night, hoping she'll have an encounter with the Sandman, and hoping the opposite.
She's basically putting herself on a silver platter. At will.
Destiny said it was her decision, so here she is. Waiting.
But Esther, somewhat suspiciously, doesn't have any dreams. Not about the wasteland, nor about Lucienne, nothing.
She waits.
And she waits.
And she waits.
But he never came.
Which is pretty frustrating, but at the same time, it's a relief because she won't have to face him, for now.
That is, until one Sunday afternoon, while she's reading in the living room, she hears a meow, like, really aggressive, and at the same time, there's a bird squawk that sounds suspiciously like a human cry.
Esther tosses the book (the one Paul had given her) aside and dashes out into the courtyard of her house, opening the screen door to find her cat, by the lavender bush, chewing on a raven's wing.
"Oneiros!" she shouts, practically flying towards the two animals, grabbing her cat by the scruff of the neck to pull it like a leech. "Oneiros, déjalo!*"
The cat bites the raven's wing, and the bird cries out in pain as he flaps his other wing uselessly.
"Gato!**" Esther scolds in her mother's Latin accent and lifts the cat up with one hand while grabbing his jaw with the other. She forces his teeth open with her fingers to let go of the raven. "Listo!***"
The bird falls like a dead weight to the grass with a thud, cawing and flapping wildly, trying to get away. Esther takes a sharp intake of breath and puts Oneiros down, not very gently, and goes over to the little creature with outstretched hands.
"Easy, easy, easy." she whispers, trying to get closer. She hears her cat begin to growl, and turns sharply to shoo him away with one hand. "Shu! You're grounded! Sáquese!****"
The cat hisses at her, as if she's being ungrateful, and runs off like lightning towards the front of the house, disappearing behind Esteban's neighbour's jasmine bush. The girl snorts like a bull and turns back to the raven, which is gasping for breath through his beak and cradling his injured wing close to his chest.
"That's it," the girl says, holding her hands up in that universal gesture of good intentions, "he's gone. Let me help you with that."
The bird lets out a pitiful cry.
"I know it hurts," she says as she kneels slowly and places her hands in a bowl position. "but it will stop hurting eventually. Right now, we need to take a look at your wing and treat it as soon as we can."
Esther puts her hands on either side of the raven, which looks at her with his unblinking black eyes. When he doen't show intention of pecking at her fingers, she puts her hands under his body and gently holds him.
The raven caws and grabs Esther's thumb with his beak. She pauses, but when she sees the raven breathe an almost human-like sigh and close his eyes, she smiles and lifts him up to cradle him against her chest.
"Easy, little death omen." she says, as she steps back towards her house. The raven opens his eyes with a comical rapidity, as if disoriented. "Just to be clear, I actually know her. She's nice."
She opens the screen door with her back, gently rearranges the bird so that she can hold him with one hand, takes a pillow from the sofa with the one that was left free, and so arranges her unwitting guest on the kitchen counter, leaving him in a position to check his injured wing.
"Right," she says to herself. " be right back." the raven just blinks. Esther gives him a quick smile and heads to the bathroom to get the first aid kit. She puts it beside the little animal and gets some cotton wool, soaks it in alcohol, and shows it to the raven. "Right, first thing I'm going to do is make sure there are no infections. If you could just spread the wing as much as you can without hurting it, that would be great."
The raven blinks a few more times, as if a bit disoriented.
Then he does what she asks; he spreads the wing like an accordion, exposing the radial, which is plucked and leaving the flesh exposed, with a little blood and scabs.
"Oh, sorry I didn't get there sooner, mo stóirín.***** " Esther says, biting her lip.
The raven blinks and lowers his head until his beak rests on the pillow he's resting on.
"I'mma heal you now." the girl continues, holding out her hands to show her palms. "It's gonna sting a little, but it'll be over soon. You can peck me finger if you like." and she holds out her little finger.
The bird stares at her outstretched finger for a couple of seconds, then moves his beak and pulls her little finger away. Unstead, he pecks at the pillow and breathes.
"Okay." Esther says, smiling gently. She takes the radial from underneath with her left hand and pulls the cotton wool closer. All right, little one. Just think of something nice."
As she gently touches the soggy nub to the wound, the raven lets out a cry-like sound that breaks Esther's heart. She puts the injured wing on the pillow and reaches behind his back, stopping for a moment before putting two fingers on the small of the bird's neck and rubbing them across his back twice. The bird relaxes, but its injured wing is still tense, so the girl presses her lips together and continues stroking his back.
"Let's see. I'm going to sing a little, okay? It's a lullaby I use to put two children I consider family to sleep. It might help you feel better. Whatcha think?"
The bird just takes a deep breath, and his body swells with air filling his lungs.
"I'll take that as a yes, then." She takes a deep breath and, as she brushes the cotton against the radial artery, she sings softly. "Hush now, mo stóirín. Close your eyes and sleep. Waltzing the waves, diving the deep. Stars are shining bright, the wind is on the rise, whispering words of long-lost lullabies."
She takes a few seconds to clear the blood, her heart clenching each time the raven caws faintly.
"Oh, won't you come with me, where the moon is made of gold?" ESther continues, with the voice a little tight. "And with the morning sun, we'll be sailing. Oh, won't you come with me, where the ocean meets the sky? And as the clouds roll by, we'll sing the song of the sea."
The raven closes his eyes, and so Esther can continue.
┅ ࿐ ✧ ˚.⭑ ━━━━━━━━━━━ .* ིྀིྀ
On her way home from work, Gabriela lets out a scream when she sees the raven on the coffee table, covered by two blankets and perched on a pillow, with Esther feeding it small pieces of chocolate biscuits, which the bird happily pecks at.
"Estibaliz Alazne Nazareth Carrasco!" her mother exclaims in Spanish, putting a Latin twist on each word, and Esther shrugs her shoulders as they get more intense. "Why is there a raven on the coffee table?"
Esther smiles at her mother, her expression looking like something out of a cartoon.
"Oneiros bit his wing, I managed to grab him from his jaws, and now I'm... looking after him?"
Her mother lets out a little gasp, placing a hand on her chest as she stares at it.
The raven caws, as if saying 'hello', and Gabriela suddenly turns pale.
"Why do you always bring death omens into the house?" she asks, her voice breathless, as she leaves her coat on the coat rack by the door and her bag on one of the single sofas. "What's next?" "Death come with his scythe to tea?"
Esther bites her lip and stops herself from laughing.
"First, the fact that cats are black and ravens are scavenger birds and therefore linked to death and witchcraft isn't their fault. Secondly, he was hurt by my own cat, no less. I guess I could at least help him, right? Look at that little face."
Gabriela looks at the face. Her light blue eyes look at the black beak, the equally black eyes looking back at her, and the feathers so dark they glow blue in the light of the setting sun.
"I'm looking at that little face," Gabriela mutters between her teeth. "y me espanta como el demonio.******"
The raven caws again, but more sharply, and turns his head to one side, like an offended cat.
Esther lets out a short laugh. "Just a heads-up, crows are known to be clever."
"I'm sure he didn't understand what I said." Gabriela gives her assurance, but she suddenly falls silent, her eyes wide open and fixed on the raven. "Or did he?"
"I'm not sure." Esther responds playfully, taking a bite out of a biscuit. "What do you say, little omen? Did you understand?"
The raven blinks, and his black eyes glow a little blue in the evening light. And then, in a very human-like way, he shakes his head up and down.
"The raven just nodded." Gabriela whispers, looking surprised.
The little omen shakes his head at her, in that way that only they do, and opens his beak to caw loudly.
Gabriela lets out a scream and runs towards the stairs.
Esther laughs loudly with one hand on her stomach and walks over, placing a hand on the banister.
"I'll call Johanna." she says, taking a biscuit to her mouth, causing her mouth to be full, hoping her voice will echo through the corridors at the top of the house. "She knows more about animal care than I do. Maybe she'll agree to keep him in her flat until he recovers, so he doesn't scare you away."
Her mother responds, peeking her head over the edge of the wall. "Thanks for thinking of my nerves, my child. I wouldn't want to wake up with my eyes gouged out tomorrow morning. Let's get together with Johanna for a tea party to thank her for this.""
The girl sticks out her tongue at her as she dials the other woman's number, waiting to see her mother head off to her room.
The phone rings once, twice, three times, until Johanna's somewhat strained voice comes through.
"What can I do to help my annoying but dearest colleague in supernatural mischief?"
Just as Esther is about to respond, she hears a loud roar that makes her jump.
"Yer in the middle of an exorcism, aren't ye?"
"Yes. Just a moment." She hears a scuffling sound, an ancient Latin chant, and a rush of choppy wind. Esther watches the raven, who looks at her with his head cocked to one side in that typical raven way. "Done. So, what can I do for you?"
"I have a death omen with a chewed wing in my house. Could you possibly come and explain how to deal with it? "Or better yet, take him away and nurse him back to health before he gouges my mum's eyes out?"
Johanna takes a few seconds to answer.
Esther frowns.
"Put it on speaker and bring your phone close to the raven."
The younger girl frowns, but does as she's asked; she puts the phone on speaker and brings the microphone close to the raven's beak, which blinks in confusion.
"Matthew?"
The bird in front of her opens his beak and squawks as if he was panting, and at the same time, caught in the squawk, Esther manages to hear;
"Johanna?"
The alluded one doesn't take long to answer: ‘ Well, fuck me. I'm there in three."
And the call is cut off.
Esther puts the phone away and blinks. Then she looks at the raven, which is trying to get up from his comfortable nest of blankets, flapping his healthy wing and cawing desperately.
"Matthew..." she whispers. The bird stops, and stares at the girl as he opens and closes his beak.
Then he gives up. Drops his wings, rests his beak on the pillow, and when he opens it, out comes not a squawk, but a strangely accented male voice, muttering:
"Hello."
Esther, unlike her mother, doesn't scream. She simply jumps up from her position, like a spring, and runs into the kitchen, grabbing the bin so she can throw up.
┅ ࿐ ✧ ˚.⭑ ━━━━━━━━━━━ .* ིྀིྀ
Johanna, the tips of her hair singed and her face scrunched up in a manic expression, bangs on the front door to see something worthy of a fantasy film: Esther, dwarfed against the foot of a sofa, knees together and staring madly at the raven on the coffee table with her mystical needles.
"What the actual...?"
"The... raven... the... he... it..."
Johanna looks at the bird, one wing pressed against her body, the other fully extended.
"Matthew," the older woman calls. "What are you doing on Esther's coffee table?"
The girl looks at her with wide-open eyes.
The raven caws. "Her cat chewed my wing. She was kind and helped me. She even sang me a lullaby. But then her mother came and got hysterical, and after she left and you told on me, Esther threw up and..."
"And why was the cat chewing on your wing?"
He shuts its beak.
Esther looks between the two as if it were a ping-pong match, and with her needles still up, she kneels down and leans over the coffee table.
"Amara asked you to come?"
Matthew tilts his head sideways.
"Who's Amara?"
"No. Destiny?"
"No."
"Desire?"
"Why do you say these words as if they were people?"
"Fates?"
"I don't even know what those things are!"
"Then who sent ye here?"
The raven doesn't answer.
Esther turns to Johanna, who presses her lips together so hard they're white.
"How ye know 'im?"
Constantine looks at Esther as if she's cross-eyed.
"Don't you know the stories? Don't you remember what I told you in August?"
Esther has an idea, but she wants to hear it out loud.
"Ye said a lotta things in August."
Johanna sneers cruelly with her hand on her belly.
"Very funny, girlie. That's your Sandman's herald over there," she points to the raven. "Maybe the bastard sent it to you."
The younger girl blinked twice.
Matthew croaks and sighs.
"The boss will be so pissed."
And just then, Esther's brain short-circuits, leaving her as still as a statue, trying to connect points.
Johanna throws her head back and laughs. "I'll talk to your mother and get you to come with me."
┅ ࿐ ✧ ˚.⭑ ━━━━━━━━━━━ .* ིྀིྀ
When Esther comes to, her mother and Johanna are hovering over her like two condors assessing whether she is really dead.
"What?" she snarls in annoyance as she straightens up.
She's tired, angry and doesn't want anyone bothering her with their questions. But this is her mother and Johanna, so she waits.
"I'm taking the raven to my apartment," Constantine announces, smiling at her ungraciously. "And you will come. I'll teach you how to look after it properly."
"And if I don't want to?"
Gabriela answers, her lips pursed, "Your cat chewed him up, you brought him with you, you'll look after him with Johanna. You have an affinity for strange things.
"Not this one."
The raven crows in the distance. Johanna points at it with the ringed finger of her left hand as a warning.
"Well, you gave him your sacred chocolate chip cookies," her mother counters with a shrug. Esther's eyes narrow at the other woman. "What's different now?"
The girl cocks her head at the bird of prey, who again cocks her head to one side.
Well, dear Mathair of my heart, it turns out that this raven is from the one being who didn't have the decency to show up after I bled and prayed and waited for him. It turns out that he sent it as a scapegoat, because it also turns out that all beings are the same; cowards with powers. That's what's different now. This Dream of the Endless isn't so dreamy, it turns out.
Esther snorts and nods, tilting her head as if her spine were heavy.
"Good," she mutters. She rises from her position, presses her face hard to wake herself up, runs her fingers over her eyelids to remove some of the sand, and looks up at Matthew with narrowed eyes. "You're in luck, you little death omen."
Maybe she's just imagining it, but the raven seems to swallow regretfully.
Then Esther smiles. A slow smile that spreads across her young Grinch-like face, framing her features with mischief and defiance. When she looks into the bird's eyes, they are no longer black. For a second they are blue. Like the summer sky.
Then they are black again.
She bares her teeth as she laughs through her nose.
"Very lucky indeed."
┅ ࿐ ✧ ˚.⭑ ━━━━━━━━━━━ .* ིྀིྀ
When they reach Johanna's flat, walking quietly in the cool winter night, something glows on the kitchen counter, giving off a soft bluish halo.
Esther frowns, and with one hand she rearranges her rucksack and the raven perched on her forearm, its beak buried in her elbow.
"But I've already salted it," the Constantine woman growls, dropping her bag on the couch as she heads for the light. Esther watches as she picks up a clawed orb from a dead bird and drops it into a box, slamming it shut. "I'll deal with that later. Now put that hideous thing on the coffee table."
Esther obeys, walking slowly as she gently removes the raven from her arms. Matthew caws weakly, and his healthy wing slides down her forearm like little Josephine's tiny arms as she places it in her mother's grasp. Esther feels a sudden lump in her throat, but swallows it like a rock and puts it down gently on the coffee table, because it's not his fault that his boss is a coward.
Johanna returns with her hair in a bun, a tray of biscuits and a small bag of almonds. She sits down on the sofa next to Esther, picks up an Oreo and chews it thoughtfully.
"Very well, Matthew. "She opens the bag of almonds and holds them out to the raven, who pecks at them reluctantly. "Tell us, why are you here? Did Morpheus send you?"
Esther grits her teeth and waits silently.
The raven swallows an almond and scrapes its beak against its coated back, then speaks.
"I'd rather not say."
"Why?" Esther asks bitterly.
"Because as scary as you are, kid, the boss scares me more. All I can tell you is that he hasn't met you yet for a very good reason."
Esther closes her eyes with regret and sighs. She puts her hand to her nose and massages it defeated.
"Okay, then," she grunts. She gets up, grabs her rucksack and heads for Johanna's room.
"Hey." she says, calling out to her. "Esther."
"No, Johanna," she replies. She looks at the raven with the eyes of a surrendering deer and says, trying to hold back her tears. "As soon as you recover, come back. Tell the Sandman not to worry, that I won't use his power. And tell Lucienne that every time I go to sleep, I'll try to dream of a caramel macchiato, so she can enjoy it." she says, looking at her friend and then back at the raven. "I'm done."
She turns and starts for the door when she hears Matthew say:
"Esther, he knows he's let you down, but... "
She gives him a look over her shoulder, one that she hopes reflects the exhaustion, sadness and anger she feels. It seems to work, as the crow closes its beak. Then, out of sheer bitterness, it says something that changes the course of Destiny:
"Dream of the Endless owes me nothing. And like I said, I'm done."
She didn't stay to listen. She went to the bathroom with her clothes, drew a hot bath with lavender-scented water and stood in the water, her hair in a bun, the steam hiding the tears of helplessness and rage that overflowed from her eyes, her broken voice singing slowly:
"I can promise you, yes, I am a dreamer too..."