Chapter Text
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"My sex life is not depressing!" You scoff at your friend.
You and your best friend, Eli, were in the middle of a fucking forest. This is strange for a few reasons: one, you live in Arizona. There are no forests in Arizona, at least none this grandiose. And two, weren't you two... on the way home from a study group?
Granted you dropped out, but that didn't mean you couldn't help out Eli when he needed it.
Well anyway, whatever the reason you two were suddenly here, it did nothing to deter you from talking about the many escapades you two most certainly never had. You don't remember exactly how the topic of interest even got to this point.
But the one thing you do remember though, is that it started with you teasing him about a rubber duck, and him being alone in his room for hours.
"You don't even have a sex life," Eli replies with a roll of his eyes.
"Well, you're not better off, you know," You sigh, standing up from the ground to stretch.
This causes him to tense up in embarrassment: "Wh-What would you know, huh?!"
"I know for a fact that you suck in bed."
You, absolutely, did not know this for a fact. But it hits a nerve anyway, so maybe you should trust your woman's intuition some more.
Eli just scowls at you, but says nothing. You almost feel bad for what you're about to say.
"Okay, so it's probably sad, depressing, vanilla sex with the lights off and your socks on. I wasn't going to bring it up, I swear. But you did use my duck, so I think you deserve this at least."
You reach out your dominant hand to help him up. With another roll of his eyes, he accepts your help so you can pull him to his feet.
"Yeah, yeah. How considerate of you."
You grin, "I'm a fucking angel."
"Is that why you're falling?'
"What?"
You look down at your feet, suddenly aware of how the Earth beneath you was, well, no longer beneath you.
Gravity hits you like a truck, screaming as you start to fall towards your certain death. But... Why does it feel like you're falling towards the sky? Your left arm burns with a feeling that isn't pain, yet it goes just a s quickly as it came. You shut your mouth, a voice in the back of your head telling you not to breathe in the water, but you were still in the sky.
What the actual fucking hell was happening??
It... it smells like gasoline.
————
You wake up with a jolt shocking your body, your heartbeat beating uncontrollably out of your chest before settling right back down. You attempt to sit up, but you immediately stop when sharp pain stabs your entire underside. You yelp but quickly bite your tongue.
What the fuck...
You know you just had a weird fucking dream about being in a forest, but why did you actually wake up in the fucking forest??
Ignoring how your body aches in protest, you finally force your body to sit up more properly to take in your surroundings.
The forest looks mucky, but you think it might've been because it rained recently, if the smell in the air was anything to go by. The soil you were sitting on was slightly damp, too-and holy fuck, you're so cold.
You're only in blue jean shorts, a black hoodie, and some sneakers. You're not faring too well under the hoodie either with only a dark blue tank top to cover up your goods.
In Arizona, this was appropriate attire since it was always fucking hotter than Satan's balls. The rare days when it was cold, it was only ever chilly enough that you only needed a sweater. Not to mention, you were walking with Eli from the study group he attends at his high school.
Wait! School! You were on your way home from the fucking school! How the fuck-Why the fuck are you in the middle of the fucking forest?!
This is some kidnapping bullshit, isn't it?!
You fucking knew messing with that British fucker, who was part of the Mafia, was a bad idea! Ah but you went and did it anyway for the clout!
You look around you more, seeing your backpack not too far from where you were sitting. You crawl over to it, pulling the bag onto your lap after sitting back on your heels. You unzip the bag to take a look inside.
You had the school laptop that you never returned, and a few notebooks that had gotten wet. It looks like one of your water bottles had busted open. If you're completely honest with yourself, you didn't really care. The laptop stopped working when the school had finally locked you out of it, so it made no difference to you.
You furrow your eyebrows together, reaching in the bag when something catches your eyes. Getting to the bottom of the bag, you pull out your iphone. It was fucking soaked.
"Fan-fucking-tastic." You grumble under your breath.
"Ē to, sumimasen, misu. Daijōbudesuka?" A gentle, familiar voice speaks out suddenly from behind you.
"AHH-WHAT THE FUCK?!"
You clutch your backpack like you were clutching your pearls, staring wide-eyed at the boy who also jumped in surprise. He looks to be around your age, maybe younger since his face was so baby. His hair is deep red just like his eyes, and a gnarly scar on his forehead.
You slump your shoulders and sigh in relief. Well, at least you're not alone anymore. You have this cosplayer with you now. Not the most ideal travel companion, but you can't really afford to be picky right now.
... If you're going to be completely honest, his scar makeup can use a little more work. His wig is cool, though! It's actually so realistic, you start to wonder if maybe it's his actual hair!
"Jesus, dude. You scare the shit out of me!" You scold playfully.
You put your phone in your back pocket, wincing at the wet feeling since your dumbass didn't bother drying it off first. You hastily close up your bag and stand back up. You smile at him as you put your backpack on over your shoulders.
"Hey, sorry for screaming like that. Where are we exactly? And what's your name?"
He only looks at you in confusion, "Um, I... don't understand what you're saying."
You furrow your eyebrows, "You really– You don't speak English?"
If you could, you'd pull out a translator on your phone, but you need the internet for that. You doubt you'd get a signal in the middle of the fucking forest.
The redhead smiles sadly and shakes his head: "I'm sorry, I don't understand you."
God...
DAMN IT!
Your heartbeat picks up in pace from growing anxiety.
There's no fucking way...
"Do you. Understand. The words. That are coming out of my mouth?"
The cosplayer looks lost, his expression being one of defeat.
SHIIIIIIIIIT!
This cannot be happening right now! What kind of piss-tray thing did you do to piss off the Universe so much that they wanted to fuck you over this bad?! The longer this goes on, the more you're thinking irrationally! This type of bullshit only happens in movies, or shows, or fanfiction! This cannot be happening to you right now!
You release a shaky sigh, closing your eyes and counting to ten. Though in doing so, a few tears that you didn't realize had begun to gather, roll down your cheeks.
"Wha-H-Hey, are you okay? What's the matter?" The redhead (who you're lowkey suspecting might not actually be a cosplayer) steps forward, feeling in distress because of your sudden mood.
You blow out a puff of air, wiping your eyes with your sleeves. You need to get yourself together, you're stronger than this! You got this!
You clear your throat and open your eyes. He's gotten a lot closer now, his kind, red eyes look glossy. Man, was this kid going to cry? Wasn't that your job in this situation?
Bless his soul.
You point to yourself: "[Y/n]."
The pretty boy smiles softly and places his right, calloused hand over his chest. "Kamado Tanjiro!"
"Tanjiro!" You hold your hand out for a handshake-
...
Wait a damn minute-
That look in his eyes. He's not just weirdly into character, this boy is telling you the truth. So then that would mean... Tanjiro? As in, the Tanjiro Kamado from Demons Slayer?? With his sister, Nezuko Kamado, his demon sister-
You drop your hand, looking over to the side to see the big, brown box that he carries on his back. Fuck, the material looks so legit, just like his uniform!
Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh FUCK!
No, this-this cannot be real! Tanjiro-This has to be some cosplayer, right?! It just has to be!! Demon Slayer was one of the saddest manga you've read, and you weren't even done reading it yet, so who knows if shit gets even worse in the story!!
Let's say you entertained the idea for even a second longer, that you got your ass isekai'd. Then... Then that would mean you're in the Taisho Era! The era where technology was barely beginning to advance!
OH GOD, YOUR TOILET PAPER!! YOU'RE AN AMERICAN, YOU CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT TOILET PAPER!! DIDN'T PEOPLE USE A FUCKING UH-A FUCKING WATER BIDET OR WHATEVER?? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT?? WHA-HOW DO YOU EVEN USE IT?!?!
You have this dead look in your eyes and you stare off to the side, causing Tanjiro to look where your gaze was directed. He finds an ugly looking rock, but is that what you're looking at?
Back to your internal crisis.
Shit, shit, shit! You knew way too much about Demon Slayer! About what happens to Tanjiro, Zenitsu, Inosuke, Nezuko-everyone!
Maybe you're just-high off shrooms! You've never done drugs in your life, but hey! It's a better alternative than fucking THIS!
You rub your face in your hands. This just.. It has to be a dream.
Because if this isn't a dream, then you're in for a fucking shit show so fucking sad, that even Satan will cry about it.
"Miss...? Erm, [Y/n]...?"
Ugh. He has such a cute accent trying to pronounce your name properly. Well anyway, it reminded you that you're not alone. For now, you just want to stick with Tanjiro until you can get to a Wisteria House. After that, you'll figure it out from there.
You take a deep breath and look up at the redhead. You smile almost apologetically. You feel bad for freaking out over him. As the older one, you should at least try coming off as someone who has their shit together.
You hesitate for a moment while gnawing at your bottom lip. How are you going to ask him if you can follow him for now? You don't speak Japanese, and the small amount that you do know from watching anime, wasn't what you needed right now.
Making up your mind, you take both of his hands into yours, holding them together and looking at the son of a biscuit eater dead in the eyes. He looks a little flustered from the sudden gesture, but doesn't pull away. A good sign, you hoped.
"Tanjiro... erm..." You stutter over your words, desperately trying to remember anything that can aid you. "Please, uh... he... help me...?"
You end it on a high note, unsure if you pronounced it right, or if he was going to call you a dumb loser and laugh at you. Which he would never do, but how funny would that be?
Tanjiro blinks, trying to process your shitty ass Japanese and also what he should do at the same time.
You're obviously a foreigner, your mannerisms and clothes are proof enough. Not to mention your lack of Japanese, but that was the obvious take from it. He couldn't just leave you here, but taking you along could be dangerous, too.
It's not like Tanjiro even knows the protocol for finding a foreigner in the middle of the woods, either. He could... probably take you to the policemen? Maybe they'll know? No... No, that didn't feel good, either.
It only takes a few seconds, but... he decides to take you with him for now. Hopefully he can take you to a Wisteria House, and ask for help there on what to do next.
The redhead removes his hands from your hold, only to grab your right hand and point in some direction with the other. A reassuring smile on his face, and some confidence, Tanjiro nods at you with determination.
"Right. Let's get going, [Y/n]."
You beam, returning the gesture. Tanjiro pulls you along by the hand, walking through the forest with you in tow.
You wonder what part of the story you're intruding on right about now. From what you could see, Tanjiro looks completely fine, but that can all be hidden by his uniform. There were a few possibilities to consider:
A: This could be the moment right before he meets Zenitsu.
B: This could be after the Mugen Train arc, where they all start going on solo missions.
C: This could be Tanjiro's first mission where he goes to the small village.
D: This could be on the way to the city where he meets Muzan, Tamayo, and Yushiro.
Or E: None of that shit and you are totally, completely, royally, and utterly fucked.
Too lost in thought, you don't realize how far you've actually traveled until you're out of the forest and back on the main dirt road. At least you're out of that musty ass place, but that doesn't actually help with how cold you are. The hand Tanjiro's holding might be the only warm part on your body.
Speaking of which...
You take this time to really look at Tanjiro now that the sweet Asian boy is right here.
You almost feel bad thinking that his scar was shitty makeup, but not really because that shit was funny. His hair is more of a maroon kind of color than in the anime, and his haori looks softer than you would've expected. Tanjiro is very cute, very attractive, and undeniably ripped underneath his uniform.
It's honestly a bit jarring. All it does is reminds you of cat memes where they edit the cat's body to be fucking swoll as fuck.
But you know what? You're not complaining in the slightest.
"South-southeast! Your next location is South-southeast!"
Oh, what de hell-
You jump suddenly at the voice that most definitely belonged to Tanjiro's bird. You look up, seeing him flying overhead.
Attempting to make your life a Youtube show, you decide to voice your thoughts out loud. It's not like anyone can understand you, so what should it matter?
"Jesus, that's even creepier in real life," You mutter.
Tanjiro spares you a glance before letting go of your hand. He cups them both around his mouth, calling out to the bird. You don't even attempt to try and understand what he might be saying. If you remember correctly, then you should have a pretty good idea of where you are now in the story. You might not have every dialogue interaction memorized, but you can at least use common sense and context clues to figure shit out now.
And with that thought, you look down the road, squinting slightly at the yellow figure not too far ahead. You didn't need the blonde's super hearing to know he was sobbing, the boy was crying loud enough for you to hear from where you were.
Tanjiro's crow (you'll have to try learning the bird's name later when you can) gets in your face, flapping his wings as if you called his mom a fat bitch. You sputter and push the bird away.
"What the?! You fucking emo parrot!"
"H-Hey! Leave her alone!" Tanjiro, your savior, just snatches the bird like a burger to pull it away from your face, "What's with you all of the sudden?"
Oh. Bro. Dude. You totally got this. You totally know how to say thank you in Japanese. It's one of the few basic things you know. Though if you admit, you're running out of words you know.
"Tanjiro," You call out his name to get his attention since he was still scolding his bird, "Thank you!"
Your Duolingo lessons are finally paying off (lies)!
The boy beams at your attempts of communication. Sure your pronunciation was a little bad, but at least you were trying!
"You're thanking me, right?" Tanjiro smiles wholesomely, "You're welcome!"
Ah. You... don't know what he said. Your previous plan to use context clues and common sense have been abandoned already.
You only shrug with an unsure smile. You guess it doesn't really matter right now. You don't get to continue this riveting conversation any further since a girlish scream rips through the air.
What a shame. You wanted more of this experience of a complex language barrier. Eager to move on, you perk up at the scream and direct your attention to where it came from.
Tanjiro lets go of his bird, making eye contact with you and jerking his head towards the direction you're sure you'll find Zenitsu. You nod in silent agreement, following him towards the scene of the crime.
As you get closer, it comes as no surprise of what you end up seeing. Zenitsu was on his knees, holding onto a girl while screaming bloody murder. She was desperately trying to get away, pushing away at his head like her life depended on it. You haven't seen the first few episodes in a WHILE.
So while you couldn't remember exactly what was being said, you remember enough to know that Zenitsu was trying to lock her down in marriage. Unfortunately, the girl had no taste and didn't want any of that shit. You can't really blame her, though.
The last time someone asked you for your hand in marriage, it was that homeless man at the front of the gas station who called you a "beautiful, baked bean, majestic, beauty Queen." You remember telling your dad that any man or woman who tried pursuing you would have competition because who else would ever call you something as romantic as that?
Anyway.
You smile at the cute little sparrow flying towards you and Tanjiro. The sparrow, Chuntaro, gets closer to Tanjiro, causing the redhead to cup his hands out so the bird could have a safe landing. You don't think it was ever explained how Tanjiro suddenly had the power of a Disney Princess™, but was that really any of your business? No.
Flapping and chirping, Chuntaro frantically explains the situation to the Demon Slayer. Just to be a little shit, you make sure to look at Tanjiro with false judgment for nodding along and humming at the right intervals. Tanjiro looks startled by whatever shit Chuntaro was saying about Zenitsu, no doubt calling him a dumb bitch in bird language.
Tanjiro looks at you. "[Y/n], we-uh..."
You were still looking at him with a judgmental look, gaze flicking between him and the small bird in his hands. He blinks, then looks down at Chuntaro, then back at you, and blushes pink.
"Ah-ha ha... Uh..." Tanjiro smiles hesitantly and raises his hands a bit, "I-I can understand him..."
The corner of your lips quirk up in a teasing manner. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Tanjiro was trying to save face. Unfortunately, you were a bit of a bully and crossed your arms.
You raise a brow: "Go on."
"Ah..."
Great. He probably looks crazy to you! From that look on your face, you're most likely just poking fun at him, but still! How does he even explain this to you in a way you can understand and doesn't furthermore make him look weird?
He makes sure Chuntaro won't fall before he moves one hand behind his head, laughing nervously, admittedly a bit flustered. You start laughing as well, easing his mind a little.
"H-Hey! Are you two just going to stand there?! Please help me already!!"
Oh shit you forgot about that-
As if you both had the same idea, you quickly rush to the girl and Zenitsu who only hugs her tighter. All the while, Chuntaro takes this moment to fly and land on top of your head. You don't really mind it, he weighs like a couple of grapes. But you're just silently praying he doesn't shit on your head or something.
Tanjiro hurries to pull Zenitsu off the girl by the back of his yellow haori. You step towards the girl, unsure what to do so you help readjust her kimono.
"What do you think you're doing right in the middle of the road?" Tanjiro scolds, "Can't you see she wants no part of you? And don't go making trouble for your sparrow, either!"
Damn. He really just said Zenitsu has no friends, no money, no bitches, no family, no rizz, no chance, no happiness-
The blonde boy blinks up at the other: "Th-That uniform! You're that guy from Final Selection!"
"No one I know is anything like you! I don't know you!"
L Ratio. You start snickering to yourself, having at least this part memorized to know that he's just roasting Zenitsu's ass.
"EHHH?! But we met, remember?! We met, remember?! You're the one with the problem! Like your memory!!"
You're desperately trying to not laugh, hiding your grin behind your hands. You can't understand but it's so fucking funny listening to them anyway.
Tanjiro seems to finally remember. He relaxes his expression and releases his hold on the fabric. Turning towards you and the other girl, he smiles when he sees you having a good time on your own. You seem to be handling this well, at least.
"All right, it's been taken care of," Tanjiro tells the girl, "You can head home now without any worries."
The girl smiles and bows: "I will. Thank you very much."
You turn your attention towards Zenitsu, taking in his appearance as he's still reeling from the situation. His hair is less yellow than in the anime, but definitely still vibrant in color. You only just now realized that the motherfucker has a bowl cut, but it's surprisingly not terrible. Cute little baby... Maybe he'd be a little cuter if he wiped off that snot...
He screams suddenly, making you flinch.
"Hey!" He points at Tanjiro accusingly, "Stay out of my way! That girl is going to marry me! Because she's in love with me, alri-"
The girl marches right up to Zenitsu, slapping the shit out of him across the face. You grimace at the sound; that was a lot harder than you expected. You can't really feel that bad, Zenitsu needed to get humbled this time. Still though, you go to the girl and hold her back to prevent her from going ape shit.
You don't know if Chuntaro had flown off your head or not, but that's something you'll have to worry about later.
Zenitsu starts to cry, a big, red, hand mark was bright against his cheek. You didn't necessarily like that she slapped him, but also Zenitsu shouldn't be harassing her to begin with. Still, it made you wince. That's going to bruise later.
"When did I ever tell you that I loved you?!" The girl shouts, struggling against your hold, "You were crumbled up on the side of the road looking ill, and all I did was speak to you!"
"You mean, you didn't reach out to me out of love because you were worried?!"
"I already have a fiance, so not on your life! With all that energy, you must be fine now, right?! Goodbye!!"
Hey, you know that word!
Taking it as your cue to let her go, you remove your arms from her person. Though it probably wouldn't have mattered either way. The girl more or less shoves you to the side and walks away. You bite your tongue and clench your fists.
It's fine. It's not worth getting upset about.
"W-Wait! Come back!" Zenitsu reaches out to her, still on his knees, "Come..."
At his words trailing off, you look at him with curious eyes only to find that he was already staring at you. You don't know why, maybe it's because your clothes look strange to him too. Still, to be polite, you smile at him.
That was the wrong move to make.
Zenitsu practically throws himself at you, causing you to stumble from the sudden force. You tense up and look down at him; the man is clutching your hoodie while looking up at you. Tears are streaming down his face and snot making its own journey too.
"Please! Please! You have to marry me! I can die any day now! You gotta understand, you're my only hope! I-"
HE MOVED ON SO QUICKLY?!
"-Hey! Cut that out already!!"
Tanjiro tries pulling Zenitsu away, but he only hugs you tighter, shaking his head in protest.
You almost want to just put your hands on your hips in confusion, but you refrain. This most certainly is not part of the story. But you suppose that's just how Zenitsu is. Good for him not being picky, you guess; all the man needs is some pussy.
Still, he's getting your hoodie messed up and any stain will show against the black. You need to do something about this.
Hm... What would Jesus do?
Meh... fuck it.
You gently pet the top of his head, It's surprisingly soft.
"Hey, snot-face. You're getting your mocos on my hoodie," You coo in a soft voice.
You can totally take advantage of this! They have no idea what you're saying, you can say whatever you want! It's like that video of the guy saying the most foul things to his dog, but because he was saying it in a baby voice, the dog was just so happy to be included. All you have to do is match the energy, and you can say whatever your dummy thick heart desires!
This will totally not backfire in any way!
Both he and Tanjiro look at you in confusion. One, they don't know what you said, which is a given. Two, you're being so calm about this that it's just a LITTLE concerning, especially for the redhead. And three.... It actually worked to calm the blonde boy down. At least he and Tanjiro aren't screaming bloody murder anymore.
That won't last very long, but a girl can dream.
"Hey, she doesn't speak Japanese, so she has no idea what you're even saying," Tanjiro explains with furrowed brows.
The information takes a second to load, in the meantime, Zenitsu finally lets you go. He looks away to the one speaking.
"W-Wait, really? Where is she-Wait! That's not important!" There goes the short lived silence. "Why'd you get in the way?! That had absolutely nothing to do with you!!"
Your snort at Tanjiro's expression. He did it! He did the meme face!
"What's with the look on your face?! Stop it!! Why are you looking at me like I'm a creature or something?!" Zenitsu points at Tanjiro accusingly once again, "Hey, you! You're responsible for it! Since it's your fault that I missed out on getting married!!"
...
...
You slap your hand over your mouth and turn away.
"JEEZ, SAY SOMETHING!!"
Funny little guys.
"Listen up! I'm going to die soon! During my next job! The thing is, I'm horribly weak, okay? I'm not kidding! You gotta protect me until I manage to get married, alright?"
Tanjiro sighs and shakes his head. "My name is Kamado Tanjiro! This is [Y/n]... um..."
You raise an eyebrow. Why are they looking at you like that?
...Oh!
"Oh, my bad shawty," Last name, then first name, right? "[L/n] [Y/n]! Nice to meet you, guys!"
"I-Is that right? My apologies! I'm Agatsuma Zenitsu!" He starts crawling to Tanjiro then latches onto his uniform, "Please save me, Tanjiro!!"
You try very hard to follow along, but you know what the problem is? You don't fucking speak Japanese, and the only amount you know are so fucking basic and maybe four words MAX. Maybe if you spend more time watching anime in Japanese than in English, you might know more.
But alas, the reason you even watched the majority of anime in English was for the simple reason that you liked to multitask. And you can't really do that if you're too busy trying to read the subtitles.
If only...
Lighting up in realization, you turn your back to the boys who were busy with each other.
...
'Tis what she proclaimed.
Anyway, you pull out your iphone from your back pocket. The screen only had a hairline fracture, but you had a screen protector on, so it wasn't a big deal. It was drenched in water earlier, but you hope it still works. You can try putting it in rice later.
You push the power button on, praying to whatever God that brought you here, that it'll work. If you're lucky, maybe you can try using some bitch ass translating app.
...
No dice.
You slump your shoulders, but you can't give up just yet! Who knows? Maybe the power was just off. You hold down the power button. Your impatient ass starts to worry that it may be busted after all, but not even a second later, it vibrates to life!
You jump slightly in place, biting down on your bottom lip to stop yourself from squealing like a little bitch.
Your lock screen was a basic picture of a sunset, a photo you had taken from your trip to Sedona. The time on your phone said 3:27, but the date wasn't there. Your battery was, thankfully, at 86%, but of course, you didn't have any signal.
You frown at this. You didn't have any translation app already on your phone. And if you wanted to use Google Translate, then you needed the internet. Which you do not have. There goes that plan-
AW FUCK! YOUR DUOLINGO STREAK!!
Hastily, you swipe across the screen and enter the five-digit code to unlock it. The home screen was just a light blue wallpaper with text that said, "oh my god, they were roommates."
You don't get to check if you can even access Duolingo, because you feel a breath being blown by your ear.
"Oh, wow! What is that?"
It was Tanjiro.