Chapter Text
“How’s married life been treating you?” Jimin asks before taking a sip of his iced Americano.
“I don’t know how to explain it. Life feels… different somehow. Better? It’s like even the sun shines brighter now. It’s weird,” Tae says, smiling as he watches the ice swirl in his cup.
“Ah, that’s because you’re still newlyweds, “ Jimin laughs. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too! You’re so busy all the time. I still can’t believe the last time we saw you was Yoongi’s birthday.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Jimin says softly as he looks down at his cup while running his thumb up and down the side of it, helping him to stay in the present.
“You’re not working too much are you? Are you seeing anyone?”
Jimin looks up, a bit surprised at the question at first, but quickly realizes who’s asking, so he should have expected it, “Oh. Uh, no. I’m still just working on myself.”
“Jiminah, it’s been over, what, seven months since you guys broke up? Don’t you think it’s time to move on?”
“I just… I haven’t met anyone.”
“What about that doctor you met, who works with kids? What was his name again?”
“Oh, Seokwoossi? He’s sweet. I just… I don’t think he’s for me.”
“You know, no one will be Jungkookah, Jimini. Have you heard from him?”
“Yeah, he texts me once in a while. I guess he’s seeing someone.”
“Noooo… He can’t be!”
“Yeah. He’s even on social media now. They’re pretty public.”
“I don’t understand how that’s even possible! No one in their right mind would move on from someone like you that fast. What is he thinking?”
“I don’t know. I guess she makes him feel whole? Who knows,” Jimin says as he shrugs his shoulders and looks back down at his cup.
Just then, sports news comes on the TV in the cafe, “Today we have Jeon Jungkook, formerly known as screamingseagull, captain and coach of the Gangnam Outlaws, back with us to give analysis of the World Cup qualifiers here in Incheon. Jungkookssi, what are your thoughts on the teams?”
Having never paid attention to the TV hanging high on the wall in the past, the two are glued to it now.
“Hey, are you okay? Do you want to get out of here?” Tae whispers even though no one around is even listening.
Jimin turns back around, “Yeah, yeah. Let’s do that.”
The pair leave the cafe and step into what feels like one of the hottest days of the year. “I gotta get out of this heat! What are you up to now?”
“I think I’m just going to head home. It was good seeing you, Taehyungah.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. He looked good up there, didn’t he?”
“I guess,” Taehyung eyes him suspiciously. “Okay, then. Call me if you wanna talk. Love you.”
“Love you, too,” Jimin smiles.
Back at home, Jimin hops in the shower, makes himself some dinner then heads to bed, a routine he’s done almost every day for the past seven months. While lying in bed, he goes through his phone, and finds himself looking up “Jeon Jungkook,” “eSports”, “World Cup”. He scans through the results, but doesn’t really read any of them. Instead, he stops on the same image he saw on the TV and opens it up. He admires the photo for a bit, then reads the beginning of the article below it, but decides he doesn’t really understand most of it, so goes to his Messages instead.
Jimin: Just saw part of your analysis on TV. You looked good up there. 🙂
To Jimin’s surprise, he receives a text back immediately.
LOML: Lol Thanks. I felt so dumb. I rambled on a lot. Not sure if that’s what they were looking for or not. I guess we’ll find out. 🤷🏻
Jimin: I’m sure you did great. 👍
LOML: I thought you said you saw it?!
Jimin: Haha, I did! Well, the introduction anyway. It was on in a cafe. Taehyungah and I had to leave so we weren’t able to see the rest.
LOML: How’s he doing? Is he enjoying married life?
Jimin pauses for a moment, then smiles.
Jimin: He is. He said even the sun shines brighter now. 😂
LOML: That’s good. I’m happy for them. Wish it were us, but that’s life, I guess.
Jimin reads over that last text several times, not quite sure he’s reading it right.
LOML: Did I say too much? 😢
Jimin: Your gf might think you’re saying too much?
LOML: What gf?
Jimin: Aren’t you seeing that girl? I forget her name.
Jimin absolutely remembers her name but he doesn’t want Jungkook to know that.
LOML: Do you mean Lee Sorissi?
Jimin: I guess? I don’t know.
LOML: [image sent] Is this her?
Jimin literally shivers at the sight of her. Sorry he brought this up at all, he responds.
Jimin: Yeah, I guess. I mean, you should know who your gf is. Right?
Jungkook can’t stop laughing.
LOML: Baby, that’s the Outlaws’ team captain. She took over when I left.
“Baby?” Jimin feels his heart flutter just a tiny bit.
Jimin: But there’s like articles and everything saying you two are a couple.
LOML: I’m so sorry. I should have told you not to believe anything you read. Fame is fucked up.
Jimin sighs heavily.
Jimin: Is it bad if I say I miss you?
LOML: That’s not bad at all. I miss you, too.
The two take a few moments to let those words sink in.
LOML: So you’ve been reading articles about me, huh? 😉
Jimin: No! It’s not like I go looking for them or anything. They just pop up. ☺️
LOML: Mmm hmm. What are you doing right now?
Jimin: Texting you.
LOML: Smart ass. Which is something else I miss, btw.
Jimin: Are you at home?
LOML: Yes. Wanna come over? I have beer and just had fried chicken delivered.
Jimin’s heart just about stops. He never thought this conversation would go this way. All he wanted to do was just tell him he saw him on TV. That is all he wanted to do, right?
Jimin: I already ate, but thanks.
A million questions start running through his mind. “Why didn’t I say yes? Why aren’t I going over there as fast as I can right now? What am I waiting for?”
LOML: I understand. Maybe another time?
After going through personal turmoil with his stomach twisting and turning, Jimin finally responds.
Jimin: Sure. I’d like that. 🙂
Jimin: Hey. Isn’t your birthday coming up soon? Are you planning to do anything?
LOML: You remembered. ☺️ I’m going by my mom’s. She said she’ll make me seaweed soup. Guess there’s a first time for everything.
Jimin: I feel like we haven’t talked in forever. Seems a lot has been going on with you… I have so many questions. If you really do want to get together, when do you think you might be available?
LOML: Now 😁
Jimin smiles to himself as he feels his breath quickening and that lower part of his abdomen warming up.
Jimin: ☺️ Well, if we are going to see each other, I’d like to do it right, if that’s okay with you.
With the direction this conversation is headed, Jimin knows nothing good will come of seeing Jungkook tonight. Well, something that feels really good in the moment might… come. But he also knows he’s definitely not ready for that.
LOML: How about I make us dinner at my place next Saturday at 7pm?
Jimin: Okies… I’ll see you then. ☺️
LOML: Goodnight, baby. Dream sweet.
Jimin: Goodnight.
Jimin spends the next few minutes rereading their conversation before falling asleep. He’s glad he told Jungkook that he misses him. And when he said it back, his heart leaped over the moon. But his heart returned filled with guilt.
He’s been throwing himself into his work, trying not to think about what he did, the choices he made. He truly tried to move on. Forward and onward. He even convinced himself he was better for it. Is that why he agreed now to have dinner with Jungkook after all this time? Because he thinks maybe now he’s finally ready? Did Jungkook really wait for him? He wasn’t lying when he said he has so many questions.
Jimin’s been out in the world, just living his life, alone. But no longer “alone”. Him not seeing his best friend for a few months has nothing to do with him being depressed and holing himself alone at home again, though. It has more to do with him finding new friends, all of whom are part, or allies, of the LGBTQ community, not just at work, but outside of work, too.
Moving to Jongno truly was the best thing for him. For the first time in his life, he feels free to be himself, wholly and authentically. He no longer has a need to hide any part of himself, so it’s no wonder he’s become so popular at work and in his neighborhood. His neighborhood is so full of life and character, that he turned down the Assistant Inspector position so he could patrol and meet the people (though he did accept the promotion to Lieutenant). But while he’s not fully cured of his PTSD symptoms, he still does whatever he can to remain present and not get lost in the occasional flashbacks by managing them on his own using the tools he’s be given, by continuing to go to therapy to add more tools to his toolbox or just for that added boost now and then, and he’s even found comfort in meeting others who have, unfortunately, experienced similar trauma. So even him throwing himself into his work isn’t just another form of escapism, but is instead, his refuge. Especially since his inspector, along with his inspector from his old precinct, convinced him to charge his assailants so he could clean the slate, so to speak, after returning to work.
Going through the legal process of charging the six officers was excruciating. But when the sentence was handed down, he turned into himself and momentarily sighed in relief. Of course the whole ordeal was picked up by the media, which is the last thing he wanted, but because he had two inspectors working hard for him behind the scenes, word traveled quickly up the ladder of the NPA, so the higher ups actually did a good job keeping it all under wraps, which was really to their own benefit, of course. And while at first he was worried about some sort of retaliation down the road, the guys at his new precinct had all been so supportive, they let him know they’ll never let anyone retaliate, assuring him he has nothing to worry about. So after going through all of that, and embracing the support of the community, he felt like that freedom he longed for was truly within his reach.
With this newfound sense of independency, his world has expanded so much. Between spending time with his friends on his days off doing some traveling, going hiking and visiting museums, and his long work hours, he truly hasn’t had the time to hang out with his old crew. But he thinks of them often, realizing how with their busy lives, he ended up falling off his friends’ radar a couple of years ago. So, even though he doesn’t see the guys as often as he did, he’s been making sure to check in on the group chat almost everyday. And of course he makes all the big events, the latest one being Jin’s son’s four-year-old birthday party.
It’s still important for him to have someone by his side who understands the things he continues to go through, so yes, his doctor friend has been there for him now and again. After all, he’s a pediatric neuropsychologist so he truly does understand. And no, they’ve never even kissed, or held hands for that matter, though Seokwoo has certainly wanted to. His cool nature has hidden any thought of it from Jimin, though, so as far as Jimin knows, he’s just a sweet (and gorgeous and tall) friend. But Jimin still hasn’t seen Jungkook since the day they broke up, on their 100th-day anniversary. He didn’t even see him at Taeyang’s birthday because Jungkook was working abroad at the time, though he heard him while he video called the boy and sang:
“Happy birthday, to you. Happy birthday, to you. You look like a monkey, and you smell like one, too.” Very much to Taeyang’s delight, but earning one of Jin’s infamous scoldings.
It’s a little funny that he would think about that now. That day was mostly unremarkable. It was nice to see the Kim family again, and hear that RJ’s cafe will be having its grand opening in just a couple of months, but otherwise, when he thinks about that day, it’s really Jungkook’s voice singing that he remembers the most, even though it was a silly song, it reminded him of when he sang at the wedding with a voice that filled his heart to the brim and beyond, feeling it overflow and washing over his entire being. One might think he would have been sad hearing it again. But how could he be? His heart truly only felt love. Anytime he’s looked back on their relationship, it’s always the good memories that come up, making him feel that love all over again.
With eyes closed, Jimin’s supposed to be falling asleep, but instead, tears have wet his pillow, and they don’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. He’s not even really sure why he’s crying. But one, singular question pops into his head - I did the right thing, didn’t I?
Just as the sun is setting, it shines brightly through the house’s sheer white curtains. As the windows are opened up to let the air in, the curtains flow along the traditional style wood beams in slow waves, as though they’re welcoming the wind into their home. Padded footsteps scurry across the laminate hardwood floors, “Ow! It hurts!” is followed by several hops. The pinewood floor table has caught its owner’s attention. “Oh my gosh, I’m laaaate!” Slippers being kicked against the wall near the front door of the quaint abode leads to rustling and a “Sorry, Gang Yang!” before the door opens and falls shut. The fabric calico cat door stopper doesn’t seem to be bothered by the ruckus, but rather used to it.
Jimin: I’m so sorry! I’m running about a half hour late, but I’m on my way!
LOML: Is everything okay?
Jimin: Yep! Took a nap but didn’t hear my alarm. 🫢
LOML: So see you in a half hour?
Jimin: Yes! 😃
Jimin’s heart is beating a million times a minute and he can’t seem to calm it down no matter what he does. But he’s okay with that because his little bird heart seems to have given him wings on his feet. He arrives at the high rise in just 25 minutes. And now, only has 17 floors left to go.
As he takes the elevator up, though, the reality of what’s happening begins to sink in. But rather than contemplate what may or may not happen, he decides to just live in the present. He clears his mind, and takes deep breaths in and out. As the doors open, he steps into the hallway and turns to see Jungkook poking his head out of a door, his big doe eyes staring back at him. No smile, no frown. Just… headlights.
Jimin gasps internally. His heart has slowed considerably, he thinks it may have stopped. It’s been so long since he’s seen this man’s face in person. Could it have truly gotten even more handsome? He timidly approaches the door.
“Hi.”
“Hello.”
Jungkook backs up against the door to let Jimin in. Jimin’s head is hung low as he avoids eye contact, for no reason other than he thinks if he makes himself small enough, he may just disappear. Not that he wants to disappear, but to at least be invisible. He wants to be there. He really does. He’s just…
“I have some slippers here for you if you like. They’re yours. Brand new. No one else has worn them.” Jungkook says awkwardly as he bends down and moves the slippers toward Jimin’s feet.
Jimin places one hand on Jungkook’s shoulder for balance as he removes his one white canvas shoe with the toes of his other before Jungkook gently slides it on, cradling it as though the slipper were made of glass. Then Jungkook ensures the other precious foot is cared for as well.
A familiar softness settles in between them. Jimin lifts his gaze to meet Jungkook’s, who quickly says, “Dinner is almost done. Would you like to sit down? Something to drink?”
“Sure. I don’t drink much these days, but I brought some soju, just for old time’s sake.”
“Ah, I’ve gotten into whisky a bit more lately, myself. But tonight, soju is perfect. Thank you. Would you like one?”
“Not just yet. Some water maybe?”
Probably because of the nerves, the two don’t say very much as Jungkook finishes preparing dinner, and Jimin watches. Jimin’s asked to do just one thing… to heat up some soup. Jungkook goes into the other room for more than a few minutes, leaving Jimin alone in the kitchen. Jimin starts zoning out, though, staring off into space. Maybe playing a reel of what might happen tonight. Maybe playing a reel of something that happened in the past. Whatever it is, it’s taken his attention away from the pan that is now starting to burn. The bitter smell wakes him from his trance and he panics. The top of the soup looks okay, but when he tilts the pan toward himself and sees the bottom is burned, his heart starts pounding. Those old feelings of ruining the moment resurface so he quickly tries to think of a way to recover. He pours the soup into a big bowl, then hurriedly goes to the sink to scrape the bottom of the pan while keeping vigilant watch for the owner of said pan to come around the corner, but the black bits aren’t coming up. Unsure of what to do, he quickly pours the soup back in, hoping the whole incident won’t be noticed. He’ll just make sure he’s the one who pours it at dinner, and then figure out what to do with the pan later.
Jungkook comes back into the kitchen and goes to the sink. He sees some black bits lying against the stainless steel and wonders to himself what it might be from. He looks at the stovetop and sees it’s been turned off. Then sees Jimin sitting on a stool behind the counter, looking down at his phone. “The soup’s done?” He asks.
“Yep.” Jimin doesn’t look up.
That bitter smell hasn’t gone away just yet, but Jimin can’t tell because he’s gotten used to it. Jungkook lifts the cover of the pan. Everything looks fine. “Did you have any problems?”
“Nope.” Now Jimin’s just avoiding eye contact.
Jungkook smiles, “Did you burn the soup?”
Jimin looks surprised as he gets up and goes over to the stovetop. This is the closest they’ve been to one another since their encounter at the front door, and for a brief moment, Jungkook completely forgets about the soup as Jimin bends in front of him to look at the contents of the pan, “I don’t think so. It seemed just fine.”
Jungkook tilts the pan toward them and sees the bottom of it has scrape marks through the black. He looks at Jimin, smiles softly and says, “Baby… It’s okay if you burned it, you know. You don’t have to hide it from me.”
Jimin sucks in his lips and is stuck back in that place of not knowing whether to laugh or cry. He suddenly gets very shy, looks down at his feet, starts playing with his hands and folds in his shoulders. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” For everything they’ve been through together, for everything Jimin has accomplished on his own these past several months, it’s as though none of it ever happened and they’re back standing by the pond in that centuries old gazebo beneath the willow tree, and Jungkook falls in love with him all over again.
As the rest of the evening wears on, they slowly open up to one another. They talk about nothing, and talk about everything they’d been doing the past several months. Even get to laughing about memories of their mutual friends.
“You were so cute when you sang to Taeyangi for his birthday,” Jimin teases.
“Nooo. You heard that? Oh my gods, I am so embarrassed.” Jungkook plants his face in his palm.
“No, really, it was super cute. But of course Taeyangi wouldn’t stop singing it after that. Hyung was so mad at you,” Jimin laughs.
“I miss them. Text and video calls are never enough,” Jungkook laments. “Speaking of which, I heard you took your boyfriend to the party.” Jungkook wiggles his eyebrows and smiles.
“Boy…friend? Oh! Boy. Friend! Yeah, well you know, I’ve gotten way better in group settings, but it still helps having someone who understands go with me. I’m still trying, though.”
“So not your boyfriend? Have you… Did you…” Jungkook really wants to ask if A) Does Jimin currently have a boyfriend, and B) Did he have one at any time during the past seven months, and B1) Did he sleep with anyone during that time. But hesitates, and stops himself, because he knows it’s none of his business, and even if Jimin did have a boyfriend, he should just be happy for him that he wasn’t alone.
Jimin chuckles, “No, not my boyfriend. Just a friend.” And knowing how Jungkook thinks, he continues, “And no, I haven’t dated at all since we broke up. And no, I haven’t slept with anyone either. I really meant it when I said I just needed some time to heal.” Jungkook looks down and smiles to himself as he begins to relax more. Jimin goes on, “Jungno has been good for me, though. Really good. The inspector is a bit of a dick, but only because he wants to do things by the book, which is a good thing, too, because what he did for me…” He looks down at his feet, unconsciously shaking his head, “I mean… I probably still have trust issues with the guys at work, but some of them… Well, they understand what I’ve been through, and that means the world to me, like I can’t even explain it.” He wants to tell him how some of the officers had been through worse things than him, where one had even been caged, beaten and kept alive only for sex, but he knows he has no right to tell their story, though it is one he’ll forever keep close to his heart.
He knows, too, that he shouldn’t even think about comparing their stories, saying whose are worse, but hearing them surely has offered him a certain perspective. He’s come to understand that there’s no sense in judging one another based on our wounds, or scars. Our psychological wounds all bleed, and can scar over. Some wounds are deeper than others, though. Some scars, bigger and last longer. But ultimately, the mind is the one to take on the trauma, while the body remembers it.
For some minds, a trauma that may seem insignificant to someone else, may become a festering wound that can turn rotten and destroy them. And for others, what may be deemed a horrific trauma to most people could seem to that person’s mind as a mere scratch, one that scars over and heals quickly. When all is said and done, all any of us can do is accept that we are all human, and that while some of our wounds may be invisible to the naked eye, they can still be seen with an open heart, which sometimes, just being seen helps them to heal. Very much like the way Jimin feels seen by his friends, but even more so in the way he feels seen by Jungkook.
The younger starts to feel as though he’s losing him. As they’re now sitting on the sofa together, not close, but not far. He touches Jimin’s knee gently to bring him back, “I’m happy you found people you can connect with. You do seem… different. Hearing you talk, it sounds like you’re finally able to be yourself, and are showing the world the man I fell in love with.”
“I guess I am,” he smiles meekly, his cheeks turning rose pink. “I’m not as afraid on my own anymore, and feel more relaxed out in public. I feel like I… have really good people around me who I can lean on when I need to. And I actually really love my new place. Yoongi hyung and Taehyungah helped me decorate it, but it feels like me, the me I’ve always felt inside anyway. You should come see it sometime.”
Jungkook smiles the way one might when seeing a child in the park swinging happily - just seeing him being happy and carefree, fills him with happiness, too. “I’d like that.”
It seems their talk has helped Jimin to shake his nerves, “Could you show me around your place? It looks nice, but still doesn’t seem like you. Kinda looks more like a frat house. No offense.”
Jungkook chuckles, “None taken. I bought it pre-furnished. I’ve never been big on interior design. It has everything I need, so I’m happy with it. But sure, come on. I’ll show you around.”
Jimin’s heart flutters a bit again. For some reason, just hearing how he’s essentially kept his place a blank slate sends flashes of them living together through his mind, and he begins to wonder what their place might look like. But then he shakes his head, trying to get rid of those thoughts. He really had no agenda coming here today. All he knew was he missed Jungkook. Like really missed him. So he just wanted to see him again, hoping his thirst might be quenched at the sight. But at this point, it’s actually making him even more thirsty.
Stepping through the doorway of the first room, Jimin feels as though he just stepped onto the surface of another planet. The room is dark except for neon lights backlighting floor-to-ceiling monitors, speakers, PCs, other electrical equipment he doesn’t recognize, and shelves with action figures on them. And it looks like a galaxy projector is shooting different colors of purple stars with bright green lasers around the room. It’s a bit disorienting at first, and also, very cool. This room is definitely Jeon Jungkook. It seems he does have a design taste after all.
“Wah, this is awesome! I was not expecting this.”
“Yeah, I spend most of my time in here when I’m not traveling. You like it?”
“Who wouldn’t? This is amazing! Almost makes me wonder why you wouldn’t have gotten your own place ages ago instead of going to those PC bangs.”
Jungkook ticks his head, “I guess… I just needed time. A lot of this is thanks to you, you know.”
Jimin was lost in the wonder of the lights and screens, but on hearing that, the boy standing next to him becomes his only focus. “I… Is that… a good thing?”
“Yeah, the best, really. It might be corny to say this, but you really did make me a better man, Jiminah. I feel like I’ve finally been able to get my act together, I’m living my passions again, I’ve even made some friends. So yeah, I’m pretty much living the dream now, and it’s all because of you.”
Those words probably aren’t anything Jimin will be able to truly understand for some time, maybe even years, but he feels all of the sincere sentiment in them right now, though they take his mind back to the day they broke up.
Jimin and Jungkook
SEVEN MONTHS AGO
Jimin sat on the edge of their bed, looking down at the ring on the third finger of his right hand, thinking about how Jungkook had originally planned to give him this ring today. It’s the Monday following them returning from Hawaii, and Jimin and Jungkook’s 100th day anniversary. Jimin should have been happily getting ready to go out on their date in a few hours, but instead found himself trembling. He knew post-vacation blues are a thing, but he didn’t feel like that’s what was going on, despite him feeling off all week. It’s being back in Korea, back in a place where he felt trapped in a societal prison, especially after the freedom he felt in Hawaii.
He couldn’t tell if it was fear; he wasn’t having any flashbacks or nightmares. But he was barely able to sleep the whole week, dreading even the thought of today. Part of him was pissed off, feeling his freedoms being stripped from him, because in Hawaii, he had a taste of what true freedom is, pure freedom. Freedom to be himself, wear what he wanted, act how he wanted… where all of his masks were taken off, left packed in his suitcase. He especially liked that he could express his love freely. And then, thinking about it, he realized he didn’t have any episodes there at all, despite often being around people he didn’t know. So even with the few bumps in the road there, thinking about the trip warmed his heart up, making him wish they never left.
Yet, here they are. He did talk to Jungkook about how he was feeling, who then offered for them to just have a date at home instead, or to not celebrate at all, but that’s not what Jimin wanted. He thinks back to the story of Pu’upehe and realizes, instead of someone putting him in a cave to protect him, he’s been living, chained to the wall, in Plato’s cave his entire life where the shadows of society’s expectations became his reality. But in Hawaii, he found enlightenment in seeing how beautiful the world can truly be. He pitied himself for now willingly putting those chains back on, and going back to live the rest of his days out in that cave, while yearning for nothing more than to be set free.
He gulped as salty water welled up in his eyes. Before the wedding, the doctor released him to return to work, but the inspector told him his start date wouldn’t be for another two weeks yet. Which he was thankful for because while he found a small house in Jongno, it wasn’t furnished, which is why he’s still living at Jin’s. He didn’t have the first clue how to decorate it, so Yoongi and Tae told him to wait the two weeks until they return from their honeymoon in Malibu so they can do it for him, which is still a week away. He knew this was supposed to be a fresh start for him, in a place that was more tolerant than his last, but he couldn’t shake the sinking feeling of nothing really having changed at all.
Just then, Jungkook walked in the bedroom, smiling at Jimin with rosy cheeks and nose, looking still very chilled from working outside in the freezing cold. The older smiled back softly, the would be tears in his eyes having retreated. “Aren’t you getting ready?” Jungkook asked as he started going through his clothes, choosing what to wear for their date.
“Kookah, can we talk?” Jimin asked timidly.
“Of course. What’s up?” Jungkook’s chipper mood and cheeriness was contagious, but it made what Jimin wanted to say that more difficult.
Jimin patted the space on the mattress next to him, Jungkook giving him a small peck on his cheek before sitting down and saying “Hi” with a small smile that deepened the dimple in his left cheek.
Jimin gulped as he looked down at his hands before placing one on Jungkook’s thigh, the boy then instinctively placing his own on top. Looking into his starry, earth-toned eyes, Jimin began, “I- I don’t want to go out tonight.”
“You don’t want to go out? That’s okay. I can make something for us here,” he smiled.
“No… I-” a lump rose in the middle of his throat, making it difficult to speak. “Jungkookah…” Jimin slowly took the ring off his finger before taking Jungkook’s hand in his, placing the ring inside. “I think I should go to my place.”
“What do you mean? Why are you giving me your ring?” Jungkook spoke softly, understandably confused.
“You know I’ve been having some trouble adjusting to being back. Today, I think I finally figured out why.”
Jungkook was trying his best to keep calm and let Jimin finish his thoughts.
“It’s being back here. Living here. Not here,” he looked around the room, “but back in Korea. I mean, I love it, of course. I love my country and would do anything for it, but after seeing what life could be like for us while we were in Hawaii… I can’t go back to how we were living here. I know we talked about this before, and yeah, things did get better, but compared to how life was there, I feel like it’s still us hiding our love. I just… I can’t take it anymore. I feel like I’m going insane. I mean, I’m barely sleeping, and it’s not even like I’m up worrying about anything. It’s just this general feeling of dread… about life. And I don’t know how to make myself feel better about it. All I know is I love you so much, but right now, I’m feeling like maybe I need some time on my own. I need to figure out a way I can live with the way things are, to be okay with it knowing what I now know about how life can be.”
The younger was starting to panic. He remembered the whole being okay with letting him go thing, but now that it’s actually happening, he felt like he had to do everything in his power to make him stay, “Baby, we don’t have to live here. We can go anywhere you want. If you want to live in Hawaii, we can go live there. I don’t want to lose you.” He placed the ring on the nightstand and took Jimin’s hands in his, urgent pleading in his eyes.
Jimin wanted to smile at his earnest proposal, but the look in Jungkook’s eyes tore at his heart, “We can’t do that. I don’t want to live somewhere I don’t know. And I can’t walk away from my career.”
“But you can walk away from me?” Jungkook asked, trying to keep at bay the waves of emotion beating against his heart.
Jimin slightly, and unconsciously shook his head, “I’ll never walk away from you. You’re my everything, Jungkookah. I just… I think I need some time to heal. And I have to figure out a way to do that on my own. Yes, society can make me feel trapped, but I believe I can find a balance, a way to free myself. But I think that’s what’s key, I’m the one who has to do it. I don’t know if that makes sense…” He looked down at their hands, his thumbs tracing the soft lines of the younger’s as though they were trying to memorize every bump and crevice.
Jungkook looked at their hands, too, and held the older’s even tighter, “It does, baby. I think I understand.” He sighed deeply before gazing into Jimin’s tired and sorrowful eyes. “You’re not walking away, but need time on your own,” he rephrased back to him, showing he truly does understand. Jungkook took a moment to draw the boy’s face and features in his mind, hoping to preserve them there for as long as was needed. Then turned around and picked up the ring before taking Jimin’s hand in his again. “I still want you to have this. Whether you come back to me or not, it will forever be yours, my promise to you that I’ll wait for however long you need, even if it’s in our next life.”
“I don’t want you to wait for me, Kookah. I want you to live your life. Find your passion. Do everything you’ve always wanted to do. I want you to be happy. Can you do that for me, please?” Jimin asked as he instinctively cemented the ring on his finger.
“I will,” Jungkook smiled, knowing full well Jimin will always have his heart so there really is no choice in the matter. “We can still keep in touch?”
“Of course. I don’t think we should see each other, but texts or calls are okay. Maybe not everyday…” he teased.
“I love you, Jiminssi. I… I hope you find your happiness.” He looked down as his teeth and tongue played with his lip ring, then asked, “Can you stay tonight? I’ll take you to your place first thing in the morning, and we can pick up a few things you’ll need until you can get it furnished. And of course, if you want any help with that-”
Jimin interrupts, “Thank you, baby. Yeah… I can stay tonight. But no funny business, okay? And no, I’ll take care of everything on my own, but sure, we can do some shopping tomorrow if it’s not too much trouble for you.”
Jungkook dismissed his overly polite manner of speaking as he knew that’s just who he is, something he hoped would never change about him. He smiled again, “No kisses, either?”
“I don’t think we should. I’m afraid once we do that…” he chuckled. “I’m sorry.”
“On the cheek? Just one?” The younger was acting cute.
“Okay, just one,” Jimin blushed.
Jungkook’s apartment
PRESENT
“I’m sorry, you know. Sorry for us breaking up.” It’s something Jimin’s been wanting to say for some time so he takes a deep breath and pushes it out quickly, feeling some sense of relief from finally having said it.
“I admit, the timing was… a bit difficult to stomach, but I understand why you did it so there’s nothing to apologize for. I’m just glad to see you happy. That’s really all I’ve ever wanted,” Jungkook says as he takes time to search his memory of Jimin’s face, realizing that seeing it in front of him now, he’s blown away more than ever at his beauty, with a face that must only be seen and not simply remembered. A blush of a smile crosses his lips.
“Thank you, Kookah. I’m glad to see you’re happy, too,” Jimin says as his lashes begin to flutter.
The slight smile that graced Jungkook’s face just moments ago disappears as his lips part with shallowed breath, and he gets lost in Jimin’s eyes. Jimin feels the weight of his gaze and his breath hitches. Not allowing himself to shy away from the attention, he instead relishes in it as he slowly licks his lips, dropping his eyelids as his pupils dilate, turning his carob-hued eyes into sultry molten chocolate. Between them, time could stop and neither would notice. There are no thoughts, or words. They simply stand there for a few breaths, absorbing one another’s essence. Then, as though pulled by the magnetic energy stored between them, Jimin takes a step closer to the younger, but Jungkook does everything he can to not succumb to the point it begins to hurt. Sensing his hesitance, the older reaches up and brushes the back of his fingers along Jungkook’s cheek. Searching for some relief, the younger, closing his eyes, nuzzles in to the touch, sighing softly. He slowly opens his eyes as Jimin withdraws his hand.
“Is it bad that I want to kiss you right now?” Jimin breathes, looking back and forth between Jungkook’s eyes, and occasionally at the bow of his lip.
“I was just wondering the same thing,” Jungkook says gutturally.
Jimin’s right cheek rises, drawing his lips into a smirk. “May I?” he asks. Finding himself in a passionate kiss and embrace, his only response.
Not wasting a second trying to breathe, their lips remain locked while their hands roam freely over one another’s body. Jimin quickly directs them from the room’s doorway to the gaming chair, backing Jungkook into it where the boy takes a brief moment to hold it in place as he sits down before Jimin strategically straddles him across it. The smaller can already feel Jungkook’s hardness beneath him and rides it slowly, his hips like small waves lapping against a boulder on the shore. But the sensation between his legs rise and he wants more. He arches his back as he grinds down harder, his neck bared, eyes closed, soft moans escaping his swollen lips. Jungkook’s mouth quickly finds a new home on the collarbone in front of him, then forges a trail of open kisses up the boy’s neck where he begins to lay claim. Jimin pulls back and stops moving as he looks down into Jungkook’s lustful eyes. Once he sees the younger has focused, he ticks his head and sucks his tongue between his teeth. Then smiling, Jimin kisses those wanting lips with a fervent intensity, taking the boy’s tongue hostage, relentlessly sucking on it as though he were wanting it to be something in the younger’s pants rather than in his mouth.
Impulsiveness and urgency to remove all clothing from their bodies compels Jungkook to stand up with Jimin’s legs wrapped around him. He blindly walks out of the game room and into the hallway. As Jimin takes the opportunity to take off his shirt, Jungkook latches onto his nipple, teasing and playing with it as Jimin then reaches between his legs to undo Jungkook’s pants. The younger detaches, looks up at him and smirks, hitching up an eyebrow as he lets his pants fall to the floor. He steps out of them as the two pick up where they left off. Jungkook carries Jimin into his bedroom, where they both fall onto the mattress for more intimate acrobatics, the two getting so lost in one another, there’s no sign they’ll return to our dimension any time soon.
Yet, as with anything, reality eventually does set in. It’s near dawn, and Jimin gets out of bed and gets dressed. He gives Jungkook a kiss on his forehead, as he’s still in a deep sleep where only heavy breaths can be heard. “Sleep well, love of my life,” he whispers before stroking his hair one last time.
As he places his hand on the doorknob of the front door, he hears footsteps quickly running up behind him. “You’re leaving? Why are you leaving?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you. I have to go home. I shouldn’t stay overnight.”
“Why not? You can stay.”
Jimin gently smiles as his eyes graze over Jungkook’s fluffy, messy hair, his tired eyes and his pouty lips. He cradles the younger’s face in his hand, “Baby, thank you. I had a lot of fun tonight. But I should go. I… I wasn’t expecting that. I wasn’t expecting any of it. I said I wanted to do this right…”
“This… wasn’t right? Do you regret it?” Jungkook says as he rubs his eye, trying to wake himself up, but then his brows furrow when he drops his hand as he still tries to process what’s happening.
“No, it’s not that. Gods no. It was amazing. You’re amazing.” Jimin looks at the younger sternly as he contemplates what to do next. He then sighs heavily before slipping off his shoes and continuing, “Okay, come here.” He takes Jungkook’s hand and pulls him to sit down next to him on the brown leather sectional.
Jimin holds both of Jungkook’s hands in his and inhales deeply, “So… I’m in love with you. Last night I realized, I’m still very much in love with you.”
“That’s good. I lo-,” Jungkook doesn’t get any further than that before a finger is on his mouth, stopping him.
“You made me keep this ring, saying you would wait for me for as long as I needed. I… I honestly didn’t expect you to. I think if I would have thought you were actually going to wait… I may not have kept in touch.” Jimin looks down at the platinum band on his right hand and spins it a couple of times as he continues, “I wanted you to go live your life without me, just as much as I wanted to… allow myself time to heal. I just… I think when we were together, maybe we became a bit too reliant on one another. Uh, I don’t know if being too reliant is the right way to say it… Anyway, I think it’s called codependency?”
“Jiminah, what are you trying to say?” Jungkook pulls away as he leans back to prop himself up on the sofa. He is definitely awake now, and he thinks he’s familiar with the term - something to do with having abandonment issues.
“What am I trying to say…” he looks down at his hands again. He knows what he wants to say, he’s just more worried about the reaction. “Kookah… Maybe this is too soon to say anything. Maybe I shouldn’t say anything.”
“Jimin, please just say it. Whatever is on your mind, say it.” In the past, Jungkook would have already said exactly what he thought Jimin was trying to say, but he doesn’t want to do that now. He thinks he understands what he meant by them relying on each other too much. If he’s being honest with himself, he knew it then, too, but wanted to play dumb back then because he truly felt he needed Jimin. He wouldn’t say he doesn’t need him now, but things are certainly different. Jimin is different. Maybe he is, too.
Apparently that was just the urging he needed because words suddenly come flying out of Jimin’s mouth, “I can’t think about this too much. I just have to say it…” Maybe he still needed a little pep talk to himself. He sits up straight and looks Jungkook in the eyes with renewed determination, “Seeing you tonight, and after all we talked about, and well… I’ve missed you so much. More than anything, I’ve missed having you in my life. Yes, things are good now and I’m doing better, but I feel, in a way, like I’m still just surviving. I don’t know… Something’s definitely missing. So while things are good, I want more than that. I want “great”. I want “amazing”. You are amazing. Together, we, are amazing. There’s no denying that. So, I guess what I’m saying is… can we try again? But, if we do, things will need to be a little different this time, I think.”
Intrigued, Jungkook asks, “Yeah? How so?”
“Honestly, I haven’t given it a lot of thought. There’s really just one thing, and I’d actually been wanting to ask you this for some time, even before… Would you consider going to couples counseling with me?”
“Sure.” Jungkook’s response came back so fast, Jimin was barely able to register it.
“You will?” Jimin seems perplexed.
“Of course. I’ve never been to therapy, but I’ve seen what it’s done for you. Maybe it can help me, too. Help us. Yoongi hyung actually suggested it to me the night of the bachelor party, so after we broke up, it was on my mind more than ever. I thought then, if we got back together, it would definitely be something I’d ask you about. And… just so you know, I get it. The codependency thing. I’m a bit torn right now because there’s a part of me that still feels that way… that I can’t live without you. But right now, a bigger part would walk away forever if that was what you wanted. So, not torn, I guess.” Even the thought of not having Jimin in his life hurts, and creates a lump in his throat, but he’s able to swallow it.
Jimin still finds his way of explaining things so endearing, but catches something, “Hyung?” Jungkook smiles mischievously and nods, eliciting a chuckle out of the older. “So… is that a yes? You want to try again?”
Jungkook smiles as he leans in closer to the point the two are practically touching noses, “That’s a yes,” and seals it with a kiss.
Love is love
SIX MONTHS LATER
It’s a Friday night, and Jimin and Jungkook are hanging out at Brownie, a bar one of their friends owns in Jongno, getting drinks from the owner who is bartending tonight. Soon, Namjoon walks through the doors with a woman, the same woman he met in Hawaii. Jimin sees them at the entrance and waves them over through the crowd.
“Hey. You guys remember Chang Sa-ra?” Namjoon asks a little nervously but is trying to cover it up by acting cool, though Jimin sees right through it. They exchange pleasantries and Jimin buys them a round of drinks. They all go find a table where they can sit down and get caught up.
While Namjoon has been busier than ever with work and other things, his relationship with Sa-ra has gotten pretty serious. They talk about vacations they’ve already taken together, like seeing the museums in Rome and Paris, and a hiking trip they took through the Appalachians. The more they talk, the more Jimin can see why he likes her. Sa-ra is intelligent, kind, funny and beautiful. Very much Namjoon’s type. And from the looks of things, nothing’s changed between them as Namjoon can’t keep his hands off her, and she’s loving every minute of it.
A couple of hours into the night of laughing and drinking, an ominous hush encroaches upon the bar, and the owner is trying to shush those remaining chatterers. The news on the television screens is announcing that the National Assembly of the Republic of Korea has just passed the Anti-Discrimination Law. The news anchor goes on to explain that it is a comprehensive law prohibiting discrimination based on gender, disability, medical history, age, origin, ethnicity, race, skin color, physical condition, marital status, sexual orientation, and gender identity. As the anchor continues describing the details, the bar erupts in a loud ruckus of shouts, hoots, hollers, and even some crying. Yet the owner, a longtime LGBTQ activist, is standing frozen behind the bar, staring at the screen, trying to make sure that what he just heard was real. Then turns to look at Jimin, eyebrows raised, receiving nods and a smile in return.
Jimin and Jungkook look at one another, then look at Namjoon. “Did you know about this?” Jimin asks, remembering back to their conversation in his old apartment where the older vowed to do everything in his power to fight against discrimination, and knowing that he very much has the means to accomplish such a feat.
Namjoon looks at Sa-ra, then back at Jimin, “Well, we had a feeling, but we didn’t know for sure. The Assembly has been deliberating for two days now.”
“We?” Jungkook asks, slightly clueless.
“Sa-ra is an attorney with the National Human Rights Commission of Korea and has been fighting for this law for some time now.”
Sa-ra is just about in tears, but is more proud than anything. “Joonie, I can’t believe we did it.”
“All thanks to you and your team, dear.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. Do you guys know how much lobbying he did, personally? Even the liberals were deep in the church’s pockets.”
“Ah, I just spoke to a few colleagues and helped them to see how serving all people without discrimination would help their bottom line. Money talks, after all. But really, it still doesn’t make sense to me how they didn’t already see this.”
“Not everyone sees the world the way you do, babe. I wish they did.” Sa-ra says before giving her boyfriend a kiss, which Namjoon unabashedly responds in kind, just longer and deeper. The two never did have any qualms about PDA, Jimin recalls and smiles.
As Sa-ra reluctantly pulls away, she says quietly, “We’re going to have so much more work to do here on out, though. I can just imagine all the cases that we’ll have to see as people begin to fully understand what this means for them. And of course, there’s going to be backlash. So it’ll be interesting here on out, to say the least.”
“Let’s take this as a win, just for tonight, hun. Okay?” Namjoon’s dimples deepen and his eyes sparkle as he smiles at his love.
“Yes, of course you’re right,” Sa-ra’s dimples deepen as well, but hers are in the smile lines of her chin, so they deepen even with a slight smile that Namjoon just can’t get enough of.
“Let’s toast!” Jungkook raises his glass, and the others follow suit.
“To justice!” Sa-ra leads.
Jimin offers a different one, “How about, ‘To those who are brave.’” Jungkook rubs the back of Jimin’s neck, knowing full well what this really means to him.
The others are a little taken aback by the seriousness of Jimin’s tone, who’s been joking around all evening. But they all agree, “To those who are brave.”
“So, do you think they might ever pass the law to allow same-sex marriages here?” Jungkook asks earnestly.
The whole group looks at him with wide eyes and open mouths, then Namjoon breaks out into a laugh his mouth didn’t seem to expect as it falls out of his lips. “Oh, I’m sorry. That’s actually…”
Sa-ra smacks his arm with the back of her hand, scolding him, “That’s actually a really good question. It’s also something we’re working to make happen. So do I think they’ll ever pass the law? Yes. I just couldn’t say when. It could be in a couple of months, or several years. It was encouraging that we won the So case , even after appeals, and we’re in this fight for the long haul so there’s no giving up, ever.”
“Well, we’re in this for the long haul, too,” Jimin smiles softly as he places his hand on Jungkook’s thigh.
“You’re so quiet. Is everything okay?” Jimin asks as he and Jungkook walk back to his place, the night air feeling warmer than the snow crunching under their feet.
Jungkook, who’s been walking with his head down in silent contemplation, slowly emerges from his thoughts, “Oh… yeah. Everything’s okay.” He half smiles.
“Seems like you’ve got something on your mind. Wanna talk about it?”
Jungkook presses his lips together, making the dimple in his left cheek deepen. He squints his eyes as he asks, “Did you mean what you said about being in this for the long haul?”
Jimin looks troubled, “Yes, of course. Why would you even ask that?”
“You haven’t brought up moving in together again. Not since before you moved.”
Jimin chuckles, “Do you want to live together?”
“Of course I do. I don’t even know why I pay for anything at my place. I’m always at yours,” Jungkook says very matter of factly.
“Then move in,” Jimin says very seriously.
“Do you want me to move in with you?” Jungkook asks, not looking very confident for some reason.
Jimin grins, “Ah, you’re a lot to handle, but I’ll manage.” Jungkook smiles shyly as Jimin laughs loudly and ruffles the boy’s hair, making him lose his footing as he slips and slides on snow-covered ice, flailing his arms to try and balance himself just before Jungkook catches him and holds him against his chest. Looking up at him, Jimin swears he can see the North Star in his eyes.
Jungkook’s had a lot on his mind lately. While the past six months have gone by smoothly, where he’s been able to keep up with his work schedule and still get home often enough to see Jimin, he’s been feeling as though maybe he wants more out of their relationship but feels as though Jimin is just happy where they’re at. Him asking about living together wasn’t really what he wanted to ask. Honestly, he’s been thinking more and more about proposing; he’s been thinking about the right time, looking for the right engagement ring, and debating whether or not to ask him beforehand just to get a feel of if Jimin even wants to get married. But if he’s being honest with himself, he’s still a bit affected by what happened at Yoongi and Taehyung’s wedding, and their break-up a week later. After all, at their wedding reception when he asked Jimin if he’d say yes when he proposed, Jimin flat out said no he wouldn’t, because they still didn’t know one another well enough yet. He tries his best to work it out in his head: But at what point can you decide if you know someone well enough? People change all the time, so how we were last spring isn’t necessarily the same person we are this winter. So when you fall in love, aren’t you falling for who they are at their core? All of these questions are taking their toll.
They’ve seen the couples’ therapist a few times now and things have been going really well. The therapist has even said they’re close to the ideal couple and are already doing all the right things so Jimin’s seemed satisfied with everything. But Jungkook knows he’s not necessarily sharing all of his feelings with the therapist, either. He tends to keep a lot to himself. It’s not that he doesn’t want to try, he’s just… he feels like Jimin has been occupying his mind an inordinate amount of time so he’s afraid the therapist might call him out on that, and then what would he do? They were going there because Jimin thought maybe they had codependency issues. In some ways, Jungkook honestly feels as though whatever feelings he had before about Jimin, have actually gotten stronger since they’ve gotten back together. If Jimin were to find out the truth, what would he think? Would he leave him?
Jungkook’s been driving himself mad with these thoughts to the point he’s been indulging in drinking far more than ever before. But he realizes that’s not healthy either, so decides to make an appointment to see the therapist on his own. After all, his main goal has been to be the man Jimin deserves, so he knows he has to do this if he’s to ever propose.
Fortunately, he’s able to get an appointment right away as someone had just canceled theirs. Jungkook decides to be as forthright with the therapist as possible because he wants to make sure he does whatever is needed for the man he loves more than life itself. After telling her why he’s there, what’s really been on his mind all this time, she offers some words of encouragement.
“Jungkookssi, I’m very grateful for you coming in today to talk to me, and for opening up to me. I sensed you were holding back but thought you would share in your own time, so this is very much appreciated. But,” she leans forward resting her elbows on her knees, looking at Jungkook intently, “you doing this just confirms what I’ve already told you - you’re both already doing all the right things.”
Jungkook is somewhat surprised by her response, “You don’t think I’m codependent?”
“Well, that’s an interesting question. But let me ask you something, do you feel like you lack self-identity?”
“N-no, I don’t think so.”
“Have you been sacrificing yourself to meet Jiminssi’s every need?”
“No, we both have our individual lives, too. And Jiminah’s very independent so even if I wanted to, he wouldn’t let me.”
“Do you feel like you’re focusing all of your time and energy on ‘fixing’ him while ignoring your own psychological needs?”
“No, never. Not even while he was healing. I’ve said since the beginning that Jimin’s not broken so there’s nothing to fix.”
“What is it about your relationship that made you think of codependency?”
“I feel like I may be obsessed with him. I think about him all the time, even if he’s just in the other room. And lately it’s gotten worse because I’ve been obsessing over marrying him. It’s all I can think about.”
The therapist sits back in her chair and heavily considers what was just said, “Have you ever been in love before?”
Jungkook’s again surprised by her response, “Uh… not like this, no. Actually, no. Being with Jimin has made me realize that if I ever thought I was in love before, I really wasn’t. He is truly my first and only love, a love where it feels as though we’ve spent thousands of lifetimes together, and will continue to until the end of time.”
She chuckles and slightly blushes as she sets her notebook and pen down on the table next to her, “Jungkookssi, have you considered that you’re simply in love?”
“But even Jimini thought maybe we had codependency issues. It’s the whole reason we started seeing you in the first place.”
“Ah,” she smiles slightly, now understanding where his concern is coming from. “We haven’t spent a lot of time together, but from the time we have talked, you both have given me a very good sense of who you are as people and where your relationship stands. You both have your own hobbies and interests, you both clearly know how to set boundaries, you both seem to speak very honestly with one another… Would you say that’s correct?”
“Y-yes,” Jungkook is still trying to keep up with everything the therapist is saying.
“You both have your own friends, and both seem to have very high self-esteem. Those are all landmarks of a very healthy relationship. So Jungkookssi, if you’d like my professional opinion about what you consider to be an obsession… What you’re experiencing is simply anxiety. You say you want to ask him to marry you. What’s stopping you?”
“What if he says no?”
“What if he says yes?” she asks sincerely. “What do you think might be different if you do get married?”
Jungkook leans forward, locking his hands in front of him as he looks into them deeply, “When he and I first started dating, I told him I’d never considered settling down before. But I fell for him the moment we first met, when he first arrested me. The fact he’s even in my life now, and says he loves me, is more than I could ever ask for. But if he says yes? I mean, I think I’m happy now, but for us to be married, and maybe have children one day…” tears begin to well up in his eyes as a smile crosses his face, “He told me he was going to take me to the moon one day. For me, if he says yes… I mean, others may say they’d be over the moon, but us? We’ll be living on it.”
She nods silently, “Well, I think our time is about up.”
Jungkook quickly wipes his eyes, “Oh yeah, yeah. Thank you, Minjissi. Thank you.” He bows respectfully before taking his leave.
White Day
“Jjaman,” Jungkook calls from the kitchen as he finishes clearing breakfast dishes.
“Mmm,” Jimin calls back from the living room where he’s laying on the couch, mindlessly watching whatever’s on television.
“What do you think about going for a walk today?”
“A walk? Where?”
Jungkook comes to the sofa and leans over the back to look closely at Jimin who looks up and smiles at how silly he looks. “Somewhere. I promise you won’t be disappointed,” he says cheekily.
“Somewhere? That’s awfully vague. You won’t tell me where?”
“Mmm mm,” Jungkook shakes his head.
“How should I dress?”
“Just something comfortable. Non-slip shoes,” he chuckles at his own little inside joke.
As they pull up to the park, Jimin grins, “You’re so cute.” Jungkook glances at him but doesn’t really register what he said. He’s gotten quiet, very quiet. Jimin reaches to touch his thigh, “Are you okay?”
Jungkook grabs his hand before it reaches its destination and shakes it awkwardly as he nods, “Yep, I’m good.” He gulps. For some reason, his mouth has completely dried up all of a sudden. “Let’s go.” He practically jumps out of the car.
Jimin shakes his head as he laughs, unsure what’s going on with the younger. He just thinks it’s really sweet that they’re back at the same park he took him on their first date. He starts to get out of the car, but Jungkook runs to him and opens the door before he can. There is something really wrong with him today. Not that Jungkook doesn’t usually open the door for him. It’s just that… he’s so intense. Jungkook puts his hand out and Jimin steps out of the car, “Thank you.” Jimin is trying to hold in a laugh because it’s obvious Jungkook is trying to do something. He ticks his head and wonders to himself, Is today a special day? Did I miss our anniversary? No, that can’t be it. Oh… it’s White Day. Jimin blushes just a little, partly because he’s embarrassed he forgot about it, but mostly because he’s never seen Jungkook make such a big deal about occasions like these. Still, he thinks it’s adorable.
The afternoon sun shines brightly on them as they walk over to the same path they’d taken last time. As they approach the main entrance to their hidden getaway, Jimin’s jaw drops. The buds of the cherry trees lining the path are in full bloom, which seems to be a couple of weeks early this year. “Wah, it’s so beautiful. I love cherry blossoms.” Jimin looks dreamily at the scenic view in front of them. Jungkook looks equally dreamily at the scenic view next to him, and smiles. “Hey, do you remember that cafe we went to on our first date?”
Jungkook nods and grins with literal moons shining in his eyes. Of course he remembers. They sat under a cherry tree.
Jimin had looked like he was going to launch into an animated retelling of their first date, but when he sees Jungkook’s eyes, he’s thrown off kilter as he feels his heart flutter. It does that every now and again, but the way he’s looking at Jimin right now sends a flood of images to his mind - of all the times Jungkook’s ever looked at him with those big orbs, where galaxy upon galaxy overlap one another. He feels his legs go weak and his breath stop. He knows it’s silly, but he almost feels like he’s about to faint. He inhales deeply and exhales slowly through pursed lips.
“Are you okay?” Jungkook asks, eyes still shining.
“Y-yeah, yeah. I think I just need to sit down,” Jimin blushes.
They arrive at the gazebo; centuries old, still unpainted, standing on four pillars beneath a willow tree, overlooking fresh green lotus pads and tall Japanese water irises that look like they’ll bloom any second. Jungkook guides him to the bench and sits down next to him. He plucks a fallen cherry blossom pedal from Jimin’s hair, “Are you feeling better?”
“I am. Thank you,” Jimin smiles. “It’s even prettier here in the spring,” he says as he looks out toward the pond. “Such a beautiful day today.”
“It is,” Jungkook says, still not looking at anything other than the beauty sitting next to him. The anxiety he was feeling when they arrived has gone. He’s found his serenity in Jimin’s eyes.
But those eyes suddenly turn into those of a puppykitty, “I’m so sorry, I completely forgot it’s White Day today.” Softening before continuing, “But thank you for thinking of this. This is really nice.” Jimin brushes his lips against the boy’s cheek.
Jungkook throws his head back, startling the older, “Ah! Yeah, I forgot it’s White Day, too.” He laughs as he scratches the back of his head.
“You’re so cute. I love you, Jungkookah,” Jimin smiles gently as the corner of his lower lip disappears into his mouth.
“I love you, too, Jiminah. I knew I’d fall in love with you the first time we met, and I’ll keep loving you throughout this lifetime and every other lifetime.” He takes the small white box from the leg pocket of his black cargo pants as he scoots off the bench and down onto one knee in front of his love, who smiles so wide he can barely see as Jungkook opens the box to reveal a 2 carat emerald cut diamond with overlapping black diamond shank set in platinum bands with a large center stone and flower motif - the most beautiful piece of jewelry Jimin’s ever seen. Jungkook looks up at him, and as though he’s never known fear or anxiety, he asks, “Park Jimin, will you marry me?”
Jimin’s mouth gapes so he quickly covers it, burying his face in his hands. His heart starts beating so fast, he can swear it just caused a sonic boom to ripple throughout his entire body. For a moment, he’s frozen in time, feeling as though the past, present and future are all happening at once. A single tear escapes from his eye, its wetness reaching his finger tip, waking him up from his dreamstate. “Jungkookah… yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.” The floodgate has opened.
As tears of joy fall down Jimin’s face, it’s Jungkook who trembles with excitement as he places the engagement ring on Jimin’s left ring finger. Before Jimin even has a chance to look at it, he’s lifted into the air and spun around in circles as giggles float through the spring breeze in perfect harmony.
Fly away butterfly
Finally free