Chapter Text
My name is Tom. The Yeerk in my head is named Tem. We were on our way to pick up my little brother after school.
Jake usually walked home, but I had the car today, so I told him to wait for me so I could give him a ride. I felt like I'd been neglecting Jake lately. I wanted to do little things like this now and then to make up for it.
It was only a few days after that thing with the Hork-Bajir and The Five. I was still a little shaken up by it.
.
My first experience with aliens ended in victory. Most of our encounters ended successfully and peacefully. I had been riding high on our winning streak, but that high started to fade when the Andalites arrived. We'd never even gotten close to capturing them. But at least we all stayed safe.
Then all those Hork-Bajir were slaughtered. And we weren't able to stop it. Yeah, it was only the bad Hork-Bajir, but still. And besides, we never really knew how bad the other 11 were, or if they were just swept along with Don Alddak's evil scheme. My best friend is a gray slug and I have direct access to his inner thoughts. Stuff like that taught me not to judge creatures by their appearances. Hork-Bajir were scary-looking aliens, but I understood - better than most - that they were still people.
The sight of their broken bodies . . . When you have two brains - two sets of memories - in your head, it makes it a lot harder to push out images like that.
But the next time I sat down for dinner with my family, I had to act like nothing was wrong. I picked at my chicken casserole, was reminded of the Hork-Bajir's sliced-up flesh, and once again seriously considered becoming a vegetarian. I felt sick. I think I hid it well enough, though. I'm a really good actor. I have to be.
Then I looked across the table to where Jake was eating. He seemed totally the same as always. Quiet. Thoughtful. A sweet, innocent, average kid who never had to worry about hiding a secret this big. The biggest tragedy he ever had to deal with was a bad tryout for a school basketball team.
I stared at Jake. At that moment - just one quick moment - a hot emotion flared up inside me.
I hated him.
I hated Jake for having it so easy while I was secretly dealing with this trauma.
Then I quickly pushed that feeling away. That was no way to feel about my own brother. Tem reminded me that Jake did nothing wrong. We couldn't hate him for staying safe.
If I was a normal human, I could just pretend I never thought it. But it's a lot harder to lie to yourself when you're hearing another person's thoughts hearing your thoughts. I wasn't honest to the people sitting at the dinner table, but I had to be honest to myself. I admitted what I felt in that instant. I simply chose not to feel it again.
This double-life of mine was putting a lot of distance between me and my family. I had to make a conscious effort to keep acting like Jake's big brother.
.
Anyway.
I parked the car and waited for Jake to show up. I watched a bunch of other kids walking to other cars, meeting up with their parents or older siblings. But there was no sign of that familiar face.
I stepped out and walked towards the school building. There was a mess of kids moving around or chatting together on the sidewalk. I found Jake quickly enough. He was talking with some girl. The first thing I noticed about her was that her faded jeans were way too short.
Jake saw me over her shoulder. "Hey, Tom." The girl turned around to see me.
"Ready to go?" I looked back and forth between them. ". . . Unless you need another minute?"
"Uh . . ." Jake seemed indecisive. He looked at the girl.
She shook her head and smiled politely. "That's okay. My dad will be here any minute anyway."
Jake nodded. "All right. See you later, Cassie."
I grinned. "Oh, so THIS is Cassie." I looked at Jake with extreme interest.
He looked back at me like a deer in the headlights.
But only for a second. Then he promptly walked towards the car and said, "Okay let's go," while grabbing my arm.
But I pulled out of his grip and said, "Well, don't be rude. Let me say hi first." I continued grinning at him. "Aren't you gonna introduce us?"
Inside my head, Tem sat back and relaxed, always up to watch a little entertainment. I could almost imagine him with a tub of popcorn.
Jake looked embarrassed - not so much that I felt bad for him, but just enough for Tem and me to properly enjoy it. Resignedly, he gestured to me then her. "Cassie, this is my brother Tom. Tom, this is my friend Cassie."
I looked her over, memorizing Jake's apparent type. She was a black girl with very dark skin and very short hair. She was pretty short overall. Maybe she wore those jeans 'cause she thought they made her look taller?
I grabbed Cassie's hand and shook it. "It's great to finally put a face to the name. I've heard so much about you."
She smiled back at me, politely, but awkwardly. "Thank you?"
Jake looked like he couldn't decide between wanting to crawl into a hole and wanting to push me down one.
I lingered, still grinning, still holding her hand. "I gotta ask . . ." I gestured my free hand towards Jake. ". . . HIM? You can do so much better."
"Tom!" Jake shoved my shoulder. He probably meant to do it hard but he was like half my weight so I barely felt it. "Can we go now?!" And he totally wasn't blushing at all.
I let go of her hand and waved as I followed Jake to the car. "Don't be a stranger, Cassie!"
I got back in the driver's seat. Jake rode on the passenger's side. His pouting face made him look even younger, and the redness spread out to his ears.
I laughed as I began driving. "You got it bad."
He just turned his head towards the window.
"Oh, lighten up, Midget. You can't blame me for having a little fun with your very first girlfriend."
He mumbled, "We're not really dating, you know."
"Why not?" I asked.
Jake looked at me and opened his mouth. But nothing came out. I think he was caught off guard by the straightforwardness of the question.
Finally, he shrugged a little and turned away again. "Well, aren't I too young to be dating?"
"You are, yes," I admitted. He was only thirteen. I didn't have a girlfriend at thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, or sixteen. It'd be embarrassing if he really were that far ahead of me. Of course, I wasn't looking for a girlfriend 'cause I was busy with Yeerk stuff.
<I could get a girlfriend super easily if I wanted,> I thought.
<I wonder,> Tem thought.
<Shut up.>
Out loud, I told Jake, "But you're not too young to admit you like someone. You do like her, right?"
We came to a red light. Jake hadn't replied. I caught a glance of his awkward, uncomfortable reflection in his window.
Temrash had a new thought. <The signs are there, but maybe we're just wrong. Maybe he doesn't like Cassie that way.>
Gently, suspiciously, I asked, "Does you not-dating Cassie have something to do with Marco?"
Jake looked confused. "No. Why?"
"No reason," I said quickly.
The light changed to green. I drove.
Jake started talking more. "Marco and everyone acts like we're already a couple. But we never . . . I mean . . . Cassie's different from every other girl I know. She helps out with her dad's veterinarian work all the time. It's like she's already a grown-up with a real job. She's a really hard worker. And - and she has such a big heart. She's always thinking about the bigger picture. And me . . . They say I'm a natural leader, but I'm just a normal guy."
He quietly finished with, ". . . She really can do better."
My heart sank. I asked Tem to take control of the driving while I focused on talking. "Jake, I was joking. You know I don't really think like that, don't you?"
"Yeah, I know. But Cassie's amazing. She could have anyone she wanted."
<Could she though? With that fashion sense?> Tem wondered.
<Focus on driving,> I told him. Frankly, I agreed with him, but that wasn't the point.
"Any girl your age would be lucky to have a boy like you," I said out loud. Sure, Jake was a doofus sometimes, but he had tons of good qualities too. "You're nice. And you're responsible. And you have that whole moody-serious thing going on. Girls like that. And you're super-handsome."
"You think I'm super-handsome?"
"Well, you look like me, so . . ."
He laughed a little. I smiled. "Don't sell yourself so short, little bro."
"Yeah, okay. But I don't know if I even want to go on dates and stuff. Especially now."
"Why especially now?" I asked.
Jake had just cheered up a little, but now he caught himself. His smile dropped. He looked out the window again nervously.
"Jake . . . ?"
". . . I can't explain," he said at last.
"Whatever it is, you can talk to me about anything, Jake," I said.
I was a dirty hypocrite for saying that, and I knew it. Tem thought I was being harsh on myself. But that didn't make it less true.
I had secrets. The very essence of my identity was a secret I jealously guarded. I lied to Jake and hid things from him, not to protect him . . . Not only to protect him . . . But also to protect myself. I hid things out of selfish fear of his reaction. I kept secrets locked up in my head simply because I wanted to. So what right did I have to snoop around inside Jake's head?
But I still wanted to know.
But Jake would not say anything.
I nodded. "Okay. You don't have to tell me."
A moment later I added, "But after hearing you gush about how 'amazing' Cassie is-" He flushed again. "-I do think you should let her know how you feel."
"I just said-"
"You don't have to 'date' her," I interrupted. "If you think you're too young or too busy or whatever, fine. If you're genuinely happy with the way things are now, great. But if you like someone that much, you should tell her how you feel. Then you'll decide together what to do about those feelings."
"Why do you want me to tell her so much?" he asked.
Because a bunch of Hork-Bajir died a few days ago.
Because the Taxxons could have eaten me.
Because the Evil Ivy could have kept you asleep forever.
Because of the Five, or the Quantum Kindred, or a million other dangers.
Because nobody knows when or where the Andalite bandits will strike next.
"Because tomorrow, we might die," I calmly said out loud.
Tem kept our eyes on the road, but I felt Jake's eyes looking at me.
I continued, "Nobody knows how much time we have on Earth. So you shouldn't look for excuses to put off the good stuff." I glanced at him and smirked. "Trust your big brother's wisdom."
He smiled at me. "When did you get so wise?"
"I've always been wise. You just never listened."
We laughed together as I pulled into the driveway.
It had been a long time since Jake and I had a heart-to-heart like this, and I was starting to wonder if we would anymore. It was nice.
.
I didn't ask Jake about Cassie soon after that. I didn't want to embarrass him too much. I don't know if he actually took my advice or not.
But about a week later, I happened to see him and Cassie walking down the sidewalk together. They were holding hands.
Good for them, Tem and I thought.
.
Those little moments with Jake were so important to me.
Little did we know, the countdown had already begun.
It would be a very long countdown . . . A very long time until the end . . . But it was always getting closer.