Work Text:
"Sirius, I need to tell you something.”
James is standing in front of his mirror in the dorm. He takes a deep breath.
“Come on, Potter. More assertive. You got this. You’re awesome. Just say it: I am dating your brother.”
He can see the anxiety in his reflection. The sentence comes out more as a question than anything else.
Shit.
He needs to tell Sirius about this and simultaneously needs to convince him that he is right for Regulus and deserves Sirius’ blessing.
Regulus and James have been dating for a few months. Over the summer break after their sixth year, Sirius and Regulus ran away from home and moved in with James and his parents. (Actually, Sirius ran and dragged Regulus with him)
James, who has always thought of the boy as attractive, took the chance to get to know him better. It was quite innocent – Regulus is his best mate’s brother and James wanted to be friends.
They turned into much more than friends. So much more.
James is utterly enamoured with this boy. The problem: Sirius doesn’t know.
Sirius, overprotective, dramatic older brother Sirius Black, doesn’t know James is dating his litter brother. Kissing his little brother. Worst of all, he is sleeping with his little brother.
James hates keeping secrets. So, he needs to tell him. He needs Sirius to be okay with this and love him because James has no intention of ever leaving Regulus. He cannot fuck this up.
“Okay, again,” James tells himself and puts a grin on his face, looking at his reflection, “Hey, Sirius… Padfoot, Pads – Sirius, yeah, Hey Sirius. I need to tell you something. And you may not like it but please stay calm because it’s really important to me. Yeah, good, that’s good. Okay… So, you know Regulus – of course he knows Regulus, what kind of question is that? So, Regulus… Reggie… He’s cute – yeah, no, I can’t say that. Sirius, how would you feel about me dating Regulus?”
“You what?” Sirius suddenly exclaims from behind him.
James whips around. Sirius, Peter, and Remus are standing in the door to the dorm. Sirius is staring at him with his mouth and eyes wide open.
“Sirius. Hey.” James can feel himself immediately going into panic mode. He briefly considers jumping out of a window.
“James Potter, what did you just say about my brother?”
“I think he called him cute,” Peter provides helpfully.
James bites his lip, hard. Sirius comes into the room until he stands in front of him.
“Well, go on. What do you have to say for yourself?”
“Uhm… well,” James clears his throat, “I… Regulus and I, we… well, we’re… we.”
“You’re you?”
“Yes. We’re a… we.” He brings his hands together forming a sort-of sphere as if it could explain what he is trying to say.
Remus snorts. “I think the word you’re looking for is couple.”
Peter huffs and throws himself on his bed. “Hey, Pads, I think Prongs wants to shag your brother.”
Sirius frowns at him.
“Pete!” James hisses. “Sirius, it’s not about that – it’s not about shagging, I swear.”
“You have something going on with my brother. That is what you’re trying to say?”
“I – yes. Reggie and I are… together. And I don’t want to keep it secret from you anymore and I… well, I’d like to have your blessing.”
“My blessing,” he nods slowly.
“Yes.”
Sirius hums. “I see. You wish to court my brother. And you thought this is how you do it? No offering, no argument, no presents?”
“Presents?” James asks confused.
“Really? That is what put you off?” Remus asks, “Not the offering part?”
“James, you are asking me for my brother’s hand here, yes?”
“Well, I don’t plan to marry him just yet…”
Sirius makes a throwaway gesture. “That is what you are asking though: My blessing to be with him.”
“Yes.”
“Listen, Potter, we are not just some country boys who grew up on a farm in Wales.” Sirius lazily gestures to his own boyfriend. “You can’t just court him like every other peasant. We have traditions.”
Remus clears his throat. “Again: What kind of offering?”
“Nothing dramatic. You usually offer any cloven-hoofed animal. If it is deemed sufficient you cut off the living animal’s head and then prepare it as a three-course-meal.”
“I won’t do that,” James says immediately. “Sirius, you can’t make me do that.”
Another throwaway gesture. “Of course not. It’s archaic. We’re in 1977. In the old times after I approved the courtship, you would have had to give him a flower each day of a 12-month courting period. You don’t have to do that either. And we don’t have enough people to administer the mandatory hunt and subsequent orgy in which it is determined whether you are an adequate lover.”
“What on earth are you talking about?” Peter asks.
“It’s tradition,” Sirius insists.
“Now I know why there’s so much incest in your family. Who else had the patience to go through all of that?” Remus shakes his head.
James swallows heavily. “And I? What will I have to do to get your blessing? Honestly, I thought, being your best friend was enough. You know me, I’m good to Regulus.”
Sirius laughs. Full-on laughs, head thrown back, and shaking.
“No.” He says and kisses the air. “You being my best friend has nothing to with whether or not you can be a good partner to my brother. You will hand in your application and I will then determine whether or not I will grand you my blessing.”
“My… application?”
“Yes. What day is it? Monday? You have until Saturday to prepare. I want a presentation on your person and why you think you deserve to be with my brother.”
“A presentation? Are you kidding me?”
“Not at all. Better make it good.”
“But… I mean, can’t you just talk to Regulus and ask him what he thinks about being with me?”
“Trust me, Reggie’s kind of into traditions. He dresses all old-timey, too. He’d probably be into the old courting rituals, too. I’m surprised that he let you do anything with him before getting my blessing.”
James nods. “He did say he wants you to know.”
“See. So, Saturday, the old classroom on the third floor. Are you free at 1 pm?”
“I think so…”
“Good. Then better start preparing. If you fail you are not allowed to ever look at Regulus again. As in, I will gauge your eyes out if need be.”
James rightens his glasses and then dashes out of the dorm to prepare.
***
Saturday
James is standing in the old classroom on the third floor.
He is prepared. He has neglected all of his schoolwork for this. He will absolutely ace this presentation… hopefully.
Sirius enters the room. Behind him, Peter and Remus pour into the room as well. Then, to James’ horror, more people come in. Lily, Mary, Marlene, Dorcas, Pandora, Evan and Barty.
“Sirius, what are all these people doing here?” James hisses.
“Mr Potter, good to see you. I hope you are prepared.” Sirius kicks a chair back and sits down. “I will be your examiner today. Joining me are Mr Lupin and Mr Pettigrew. We are also provided with Mr Crouch and the siblings Rosier as expert witnesses on the subject of Regulus. The girls are official witnesses to the application and may ask questions later.”
James is pretty sure he breaks a sweat.
Marlene is sitting on top of a desk. “I just think this is hilarious. That’s why I’m here. Also, Baby Black? Nice pull, Potter.”
“Miss McKinnon,” Sirius exclaims. “I expect respect on the subject of my brother.”
“You’re a pretentious wanker, Sirius.”
“I will throw you out of his hearing if you don’t stop.”
Marlene rolls her eyes and leans back on the desk.
Sirius turns back to James. “Mr Potter, you may begin.”
James genuinely feels like he is sitting an exam at this point. But it is okay, he is prepared. He has an entire presentation with a projector and slides. He’s got this.
James clears his throat.
“Hello and welcome, my name is James Potter and this is my presentation on ‘Why I should be allowed to date Regulus Black’.” He starts the projector and darkens the room with a flick of his wand. On the wall behind they can now read the title.
Why I should be allowed to date Regulus Black
A presentation by James Potter
He switches to the structure.
“At first I will talk about myself, then I will give you a quick overview of Regulus. Followed by an analysis regarding our compatibility, advantages and disadvantages of us dating, and finally my conclusion.”
He sees Remus making a note of something. This is stressing him out.
“So, who is James Potter? I was born on the 27th of July in Godric’s Hollow, England. I was thus born in the sign of Leo, which will be important later. I am the only child of Effie and Monty, two incredibly loving and affectionate people. They raised me to always see the good in people and shower people with love and affection the way I have learned it at home. I’m a very bright student and consistently on top of my classes all through Hogwarts. I play Chaser in our Quidditch team since my third year and am captaining the team now. Further, I’ve been appointed Head Boy. Thus it is confirmed that I am a very responsible and trustworthy person. Despite this professionalism, I am very funny and always like to amuse people even at my own expense. I am a very loyal friend and would never abandon someone in need. And while I admit I can be annoying and a handful, I would do anything for the people I love. I am also a person who devotes himself completely to one person. Meaning, in a relationship I would be totally whipped. Like to a pathetic degree, but I would be okay with that as long as it makes my person happy.”
Barty and Evan are chuckling in the back.
“Furthermore, I have a signed letter of recommendation regarding my credentials as lover.” He takes a paper from his desk and hands it to Remus to pass it around. It says verbatim:
I, Lily Evans, hereby confirm that James Potter is a generous lover,
who puts his partner’s needs before his own.
He also exhibits excellent stamina and anatomical knowledge.
I have acquired expertise in this field by dating James Potter for three months and shagging him a lot in that time.
My subsequent relationship with a woman is entirely unrelated.
I further confirm that Sirius Black is annoying.
Lily Evans
James changes the slide to show a picture of Regulus. He has taken it over the summer. Regulus is smiling though he is holding his middle finger out to him.
“Now, I would like to talk about Regulus Black. Regulus Arcturus Black was born on the 2nd of April in London to Walburga and Orion Black, who are second cousins to each other. He is also the younger brother of Sirius Black.”
Mocking gasps from Barty. “Really? Didn’t know that.”
“I take questions after the presentation, thank you,” James glares at him. “Regulus was raised in a very traditional, loveless home going through various forms of abuse which have made both brothers largely unable to communicate their feelings like normal people.”
They all make a note of that. James wants to haul himself out of a window.
“Regulus is insanely beautiful, as you can see in these various pictures. He is also extremely intelligent: He is on top of his classes, speaks two languages on native speaker level and two more fluently, plays the violin and has read many very thick and boring books without falling asleep. Yet, he is also very athletic. He loves Quidditch and has the Seeker position in his house team. He has also never lost a single game since joining the team at only 12 years old. I have brought a quote from Marlene McKinnon, uttered at a Quidditch game 1975: ‘The Boy is just unbeatable.’ Due to his success-driven and loveless upbringing, Regulus is rather starved for any kind of emotional intimacy and needs someone to show him love and care every day. He also hates it when people take pictures of him and is not above throwing cameras out of windows.”
This earns him a chuckle from the Slytherins. Remus makes a note of it.
James clears his throat again. He wishes he would have brought water.
“Compatibility,” he reads the title of the next slide. “The Black family names their children after stars and constellations. Regulus is the brightest star in the Leo Constellation, also called the Heart of Leo. I was born in the sign of Leo and am also a Gryffindor, which’s house symbol is the lion. Thus you could say that we are meant to be together by fate. Furthermore, as previously states, I was brought up with a lot of love, and thus have a lot of love to give. Regulus needs to be showered in love and affection because he deserves it and never had it from home. We complement each other very well in that regard. He also somehow finds the patience to indulge me and my stories and my too-much-ness that has been pointed out to me on several occasions. His brain works very neat, and organised, and he is able to organise through all of my messy thoughts. He also forces me say ‘no’ to some things and people if I genuinely don’t have the time or energy to help. On the other hand, I don’t have any expectations when it comes to him. I take whatever he can give me at the moment. When he is too stuck in his own thoughts, I distract him and take his mind of things. My love language is giving presents and words of affirmation and he loves getting things and needs to hear how brilliant he is. In conclusion, we are both horrible at taking care of ourselves but excel in taking care of the other. In general we have a lot of things in common aside from our shared love for Sirius. We both value the same traits in people – loyalty, humour, ambition to name a few. We value quality time with each other. We both love Quidditch and are great players in our respective positions. I started reading his favourite books and most of them I don’t hate, one I found genuinely great. I love making people laugh and he thinks I’m funny – and he looks his absolute best when he laughs. He is kind of mean most of the time and always sarcastic but I happen to find that funny and charming. He always grounds me and I lift him up, and sometimes I don’t know what I need at the moment until I see him and he always knows exactly what it is.”
James can feel his face grow hot. He didn’t mean to say that out loud, especially not with so many people in front of him, but the words just came out together with all the other truths.
He looks up carefully. Lily smiles encouragingly at him.
“I will now come to advantages and disadvantages,” James says and swallows hard, trying to regain his composure. “Advantages. We make each other happy. Also, if we do stay together forever and get married, you will be my brother-in-law, Sirius. That’s quite cool. Disadvantages: If we are to break up, I don’t know what this will do to our friendship and our lives and… that’s scary.”
James clears his throat again and switches the slides.
“In conclusion, there are several reasons why I should get your blessing to date Regulus. From all the ways we are perfect for each other to all the things we can do for each other. But most importantly, he really likes me. He likes me and he wants me, and I want to make him happy and give everything he asks for. … Because I’m in love with him. You need to give your blessing because I love him. I love him when he’s attentive and funny and loving. I love him when he’s focusing on something so hard he doesn’t talk to me for a day because he forgets everything around him. I love him when he’s angry and harsh. Even if you tell me not to, I will still love him.”
He looks directly at Sirius. Sirius looks genuinely pleased, not quite smiling, but seeming to repress it.
When James remembers the rest of the people in the group, his face grows hot again.
“So, this was my presentation. For my sources please see my attached bibliography. Are there any questions?”
Barty raises his hand.
“Yes, Crouch,” James says, knowing he will regret this.
“Thank you. My question is: As you’ve said one of the disadvantages is that you are quite close to Regulus’ brother, meaning that if you ever do break up, it will be terribly awkward between all of you for the rest of time. You have further spoken of marriage. What makes you think you and Regulus’ plans for the future are compatible?”
James blinks at him. He could have bet Barty would ask something related to their sex life.
“Crouch, we’re not even out of school yet.”
Barty hums and notes something on the paper in front of him. “Evades the question. Lack of knowledge and preparation…”
“No, no, wait. He said he will one day disappoint his family by marrying a man and that he is looking forward to that. Thus, I can conclude that he does want to get married and settle down at some point. I want the same, so we are compatible in that regard, too.”
Barty nods and then raises his hand again.
“Yes, Crouch…”
“Is he good in bed?”
James sighs deeply. “You’d know, wouldn’t you?”
“Just reminding you of that, Potter.”
Lily raises her hand. “For how long have you been dating Regulus?”
“Four months.”
“And how is it going?”
“Very well.”
“Thanks, no further questions.”
Marlene raises her hand. “Yeah, I also have a question. I’m very confused, doesn’t Regulus absolutely despise being touched? He’s so jumpy all the time. And you’re very affectionate and always jump-hugging people. How does that work?”
“He doesn’t mind being touched by me. Also, he doesn’t hate being touched, only when it comes unexpected. Also, he doesn’t like you.”
“Alright,” Sirius claps his hands. “I think we’re done.”
“Oh, thank Merlin,” James mumbles. “So, what do you say?”
“We will discuss your proposal and get back to you.”
“What? Come on, Sirius.”
“Please wait outside while we discuss.”
Through an impressive display of self-restraint, he doesn’t strangle Sirius to death right there. He curses him under his breath and leaves the room.
Outside, he slides down the wall and sits on the ground. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
When he opens his eyes, Regulus is standing in front of him.
“Are you okay?”
James looks up and smiles. “Reggie, hey, yes, of course.”
Regulus doesn’t look convinced. He sits down on the ground next to him. “What are you doing here?”
“Just had an exam.”
“An exam. On a Saturday?”
“Yep. I’m exhausted.”
Regulus hums. “That’s unfortunate. My friends have vanished and I thought we could use the moment and take advantage of an empty dorm.”
James leans his head back and smiles. “That sounds nice. I just need to wait for my results. Also, your friends are in there.”
“What are they doing at your exam?”
“Sirius made me hold a presentation on why he should give us his blessing for our relationship. Your friends are expert witnesses.”
Regulus blinks at him several times. “Okay, you lost me. What?”
“That reminds me,” James mumbles and takes his wand. With a quick spell, a flower appears in his hand. He holds it out to Regulus.
“Thanks. So, I didn’t get to see you almost all week except when you sought me out specifically to give me a flower. And now you’re holding presentations on our relationship. Care to elaborate?”
James scratches his eyebrow. “Right, sorry. I wanted to get Sirius’ blessing and he told me to hand in an application by holding a presentation.”
Regulus breathes in and out slowly. “And you just did that?”
“Well, it was better than decapitating an animal and having an orgy.”
“Why on earth would you do either of that? And why is the alternative a presentation?”
“Because of the… courting rituals…”
Regulus looks at him confused.
“Sirius said, in your family-“
“Okay, let me stop you right there. James, if you start a sentence with ‘Sirius said’ there is a 90% probability that everything that follows is utter bullshit. Especially in connection with ‘in your family’.”
“So… there isn’t a tradition according to which I have to earn someone’s blessing to be allowed to court you by providing, killing, and cooking a cloven-hoofed animal?”
“No. At least not for the last 100 years.”
“Huh… so there also isn’t a 12-month courting period during which I should give you a flower every day.”
Regulus looks at the flower in his hand. He smiles and shakes his head. “No. Also, that sounds stupid. If you would give me a flower every day for a year and then suddenly stopped, I’d think you don’t like me anymore and want to leave me.”
“Right… maybe we can agree on me giving you flowers every week instead of every day to take off the pressure.”
“I don’t need any flowers.”
“Sure, but do you want them?”
Regulus smiles lovingly and kisses his cheek. “Maybe every two weeks. And in return I’ll try some more of those Indian foods that literally burn my mouth.”
“Thank you. You’ll see, I’ll turn you into a lover of spices.”
Regulus rolls his eyes and loops his arms around James’ neck. “Let’s ditch my dramatic brother and his blessings and go to my dorm. You can take a nap and I’ll blow you later.”
James chuckles. “You’re perfect, you know that?”
“I know.” Regulus stands up and helps James up as well.
Just as they turn to leave, the door to the classroom opens. Barty grins at them.
“Mr Potter, we’re ready. Oh, hey, Reg.”
“Barty. Why are you tormenting my boyfriend? Again.”
“Because it’s fun. Come on, Potter.”
James sighs. “I’ll be right back, Reggie.”
“I’m definitely going with you,” Regulus says and enters the classroom before him. He goes up to his brother and stands in front of him with his arms crossed in front of his chest.
“Reggie!” Sirius exclaims, “You missed the best part.”
“What the fuck are you doing here, Sirius? A presentation? Really? Also sacrifices?”
“And orgies,” Peter reminds them.
“We don’t need the orgy. Lily provided a written testament to his credentials as lover.”
“I feel like you’re missing my point entirely.”
Sirius grins and shrugs. “Your dumb boyfriend asked for my blessing, Regulus. Did you really expect me to be normal about that?”
“You’re never normal about anything.”
“Exactly. Now sit, this is James’ evaluation, not yours.”
James runs his hand through his hair and takes his spot from before.
“Well, James,” Sirius says with a grin, “I gave you an absolutely stupid and idiotic task and you applied yourself and made a genuine effort in its execution. So, you obviously care about Reggie and about my opinion very much. You in fact care more than enough for me to not be worried you’d ever mistreat him. Good job.”
James nods. “So… did I pass?”
“Oh, yeah, obviously. With flying colours. I made you a badge during the discussion.”
He picks up a round badge from the table, climbs over the table and pins it to James’ shirt.
Boyfriend
of Regulus Black
APPROVED
by Sirius Black
“Thanks,” James says dryly. “Wanker.”
Sirius grins. “You hurt him, I will cut your balls off and make you eat them.”
Regulus clicks his tongue and rolls his eyes. “If you’re done, I’d like to take my boyfriend to my dorm now and shag him to make up for your nonsense.”
Sirius cringes. “Reggie! Don’t talk like that. No shagging talk in front of me. You’re still my little brother. That shit’s just going to make me angry with James.”
“Oh, sorry. I will now fuck James so hard you’ll be able to hear it up in your tower. Stay out of our relationship.”
Regulus takes James’ hand and drags him to the door.
“If I didn’t just hear an entire presentation about it, I’d seriously wonder what he sees in you. You suck.”
“And swallow,” Regulus says without missing a beat. “Or wasn’t that part of the presentation?”
James knows his face is bright red. Sirius looks like he is about to jump them and choke someone. James quickly gets Regulus out of the room and down to the dungeons.
“Keep the shirt on,” Regulus says when they are in his dorm, kissing while stumbling over to the bed.
“Why?”
“Because you’re going to fuck me while wearing that stupid badge, that’s why,” Regulus grins, kicks off his shoes and pushes James to sit on the bed. He climbs into his lap and kisses him again.
James isn’t even mad that Sirius made him do the presentation. Having to sort through all of his feelings like that made him realise how in love he is with this boy. He has never been surer about what he wants – he wants this. He wants Regulus like this, forever.
Regulus presses their foreheads together. “You really made an entire presentation about dating me?”
“Yeah. Well, about why I should be allowed to date you, and how good we are together.”
Regulus, eyes closed and smiling, sighs contently. “I’m in love with you.”
James slides his hands into Regulus’ curls. He can’t help the grin spreading on his face or his cheeks growing hot again.
Regulus never said this to him before. He might have just held an entire presentation concluding with his own love for Regulus but he didn’t know whether Regulus actually loved him back.
“I love you, too,” James whispers and kisses him as softly as he can, plans on shagging half-forgotten, and settling into a slow love-making instead.
“Gods, Jamie, I’m so in love with you,” Regulus whispers during it and James is quite sure, he couldn’t be happier. He would maybe even hunt and cook some poor goat for this boy if he asked him, too. He would do anything just to keep him.