Chapter Text
YOU – “Oh, I’m *definitely* keeping this mug.”
PRYCE – He shrugs. “Suit yourself. But at least *try* to be a little more professional around the station, won’t you? Take a few cues from Lieutenant Kitsuragi here.” He nods in Kim’s direction. Kim’s ears go red.
GOTTLIEB – He gives you and Kim a curt nod, then turns to Pryce. “Let’s go. Camille’s Ice Cream Shoppe closes in half an hour.”
YOU – After they leave, you turn to Kim. “Well, case closed, I suppose.”
KIM – “But was this ever *really* a case, detective?”
CONCEPTUALIZATION – Shit, he’s right! You didn’t even think to write it in your ledger. You had a great name picked out and everything. *The Case of the Missing Swordsman*! All of the intrigue and none of the facts.
YOU – “The whole thing *was* kind of anticlimactic, now that you mention it.”
KIM – “Oh? What were you expecting?”
YOU –
1. “I thought I’d have a chance to do one of those big scenes that Dick Mullen always does. You know… ‘I suppose you’re wondering why I gathered you all here,’ that sort of thing.”
2. “I thought I might get to punch Jean. Might be fun... for me… and for you to watch…”
3. “I thought there might be a mysterious sexy twist.”
4. “I thought I might get to execute someone, preferably by sword.”
YOU – Hang on, shouldn’t I have a feminist option in there? Maybe something about how I could have made more brilliant points about feminist perspectives on Hjelmdallermann?
CONCEPTUALIZATION – No, sorry. Your inexplicable feminist agenda talking points have been completely exhausted.
YOU – “I thought there might be a mysterious sexy twist.”
KIM – “Like a Dick Mullen novel? Perhaps the crime was committed by a smoking hot dame in a slinky red dress?” He’s remembering your reaction to that particular cover back in the bookshop.
YOU – “Hey, now you’ve got the spirit! That’s what I’m talking about!”
MAN FROM HJELMDALL MUG – A healthy reaction, brother-in-arms! And you know what else is sexy?
YOU – What?
MAN FROM HJELMDALL MUG – These thigh muscles. Just look at them.
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT – It’s true. They’re practically glowing. His over-developed quadriceps are the central focus of the image.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY – There’s your sexy twist. You get to admire those legs on your desk while you write your case report.
RHETORIC – The other sexy twist is silently bragging about your own *endowment* every time you use this mug.
——— The Next Day ———
YOU – In the morning, you enter the coffee corner and fill your newly found mug nearly to the brim with dark brew. You take a sip.
MAN FROM HJELMDALL MUG – Bitter, sludgy, life-giving elixir of the gods!
INLAND EMPIRE – This primordial soup contains the seeds of life to jumpstart your brain. It will give you the fortitude to get that case report written at last.
PERCEPTION – Hjelmdallermugg rests comfortably in your hand, ready to conquer the day.
YOU – The blank case report forms lie on your desk, untouched. They should have been filled out yesterday, if you hadn’t gotten distracted by the missing mug. You sit down and stare at the intimidatingly empty form.
ESPRIT DE CORPS – Case reports follow a simple format. Start with the basics of where you were, when it happened, who was there, and what occurred. Martinaise, Terminal B, the back yard of the Whirling in Rags. The fourth of March of this year. Then describe the most important elements. A hanged man. A false confession. A shootout.
MAN FROM HJELMDALL MUG – A shootout? Sounds boring. Where are the swords? The maces and crossbows? The thundering warhorses? That’s what you really need for a good story.
DRAMA – Sire, the barbarian speaks true! Go on, add a few embellishments to your report. Perhaps there was a fair maiden who needed to be rescued. Who’s to say it didn’t really happen?
LOGIC – Well, Kim for one. He was there. He knows what happened and what didn’t.
PERCEPTION – Speaking of Kim, he’s approaching you now. There’s something in his hand.
KIM – He hands you a well-worn paperback. It’s the first In System book. “I thought you might like to borrow this,” he says. “I know you’re only a fan of the *most obscure* ones. But sometimes it’s nice to return to the classics, don’t you think?”
YOU – “Wow, thanks Kim! I’m looking forward to reading it! Um, for like the fifth time, I mean.”
KIM – “Mmhm. I’m sure you are.” His eyebrow quirks slightly, as does the corner of his mouth, as if he’s trying to keep back a laugh. “Don’t forget you need to let me borrow that one you really like… what was it called? *I am a Screaming Radiocomputer*?”
CONCEPTUALIZATION – Oh shit, he hasn’t forgotten about that. Alright. It’s fine. He’s given you the raw material to start from. You’ve got this.
MAN FROM HJELMDALL MUG – Worry not, my friend! You have my sword, my strength, and most of all, my ideas!