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It’s Alexander’s birthday next week. As much as he’s an absolute pain in the rear, he’s still the Pussycats’ friend (and he’s kind of bankrolling their tours), so Josie and Valerie are planning a nice surprise party. They figure he's expecting one since he has the whole crew staying half the month at one of his family’s timeshares. He’s generous enough to treat them, sure, but keeping the band off the road this long? He has ulterior motives, obviously.
Josie climbs up a step ladder inside of the Cabot’s Cabo condo’s walk-in coat closet. It’s crazy easy finding hiding spots in this gigantic rental, but difficult to blend anything into the lavish nonsense stashed around. She and Alan managed to hunt some empty shopping bags in a guestroom to hide their supplies in. Designer brand totes just blend in better than the cardboard boxes they'd originally planned to stuff full of streamers.
Valerie keeps watch, holding the door just slightly ajar so she can peek outside. It’s just been the three of them doing all the planning and sneaking. They agreed to keep it a secret from known blabbermouth Melody. And when they, reluctantly, asked Alexandra to help, she said she was giving him a “coupon book of spells” like she does every year. She refused to elaborate, of course, just walked off petting that mangy cat like always.
“Is the coast still clear,” Josie asks as she moves a stack of board games to block their box of decorations.
“We’d have to get out of the closet to see the coastline and I'm waiting for a guest," calls a familiar, sing-song voice.
Josie and Valerie turn to see Melody emerge from behind a mink coat. The closet was so huge that they hadn't noticed her hanging out when they came in. Valerie closes the door and puts a finger up to her mouth to signal Melody to keep quiet. "Mel, how long have you been here," Valerie asks.
"Oh, just since this morning. I had breakfast with Alexandra and she told that hanging out here would be good for my music career!" She firmly taps her foot down for emphasis. "So here I am!"
Josie pinches the bridge of her nose as she climbs down from the step stool, already frustrated with the situation. "Okay, first of all, making friends with the hat boxes is not going to help us blow up."
"Oh, I sure hope not! That sounds painful."
Valerie doesn't bother commenting on that. "Just tell us how much you saw and heard us. We need to assess the damage."
"Oh! Well I saw you coming in really sneaky, so I figured you were playing hide and seek with Allen. I got behind the coats so he wouldn't find me either. He's a really good finder."
"Right, okay. So we're good."
"Yeah, Allen hasn't found any of us. He didn't even find your streamers, I think."
Josie crosses her arms. "So you did see our supplies."
"Oh, no. I didn't see anything but you, girls. I smelled your streamers."
Valerie furrows her brow at Melody, half-afraid to ask. Curiosity gets the better of her, though. "You smelled our streamers?"
"Yeah! Green and purple, Alexander's favorite colors. And confetti and balloons and a mini helium tank. You should get another one of those, you'll have…" Melody pauses to count on her fingers and sniff the air, "About thirteen unfilled balloons leftover."
"And you smelled all that," Valerie asks again, desperately hoping for any elaboration.
"Yeah! You know how some people have an eye for color? Well, I have a nose for parties." Melody gasps and puts a hand to her cheek, "Oh, golly! Are you planning a surprise party for Alexander?"
Josie puts a hand over Melody's mouth and hushes her. "You didn't see anything, Mel. Understand me?" Melody nods and Josie breathes a sigh of relief as she pulls her hand away.
"Right, I didn't see anything. I just smelled it."
"You didn't smell anything either."
Valerie rolls her eyes. "It's too late, Josie. Melody knows about the party so it's not gonna be a surprise. We might as well let her help."
"It won't be a surprise? Was it a surprise party for me? It's Alexander's birthday, though."
"No, Mel. You're just a blabbermouth," Josie says with a sigh.
"A blabbermouth? No way!"
"Melody, Mel, honey. I love you, we love you. But if Josie and I wanna surprise anyone you can't know what we're doing," Valerie explains.
"I'm great at keeping secrets," Melody protests, "None of you know about my big crush on Alexandra!"
Valerie leans against the door and chuckles. "We do now …"
"Oh. Whoopsie. Well that's a bad example, that's my secret and I'm not worried about those. You can trust me with surprise parties."
Josie furrows her brow and stares incredulously at her drummer. "No, hold on. We're talking about this. We have to. Alexandra? Queen of mean Alexandra?"
"She's not mean . She's a skunk."
"A skunk," Josie repeats back, absolutely dumbfounded. "Unless you're saying she stinks you're gonna have to explain more, Mel."
"No, she doesn't stink," Melody giggles. "Well, only a normal amount. Like when anyone else would. If she's sweaty or fell in a mop bucket or-"
"Melody," Valerie interrupts, "Back to the point."
"Oh! Sorry. Well she's got that white streak in her hair, for one thing. And then… You know how skunks stink?"
"Didn't you just say she doesn't smell bad," Josie asks.
"Yes! But she's mean like skunks stink. Only when they're scared."
"I can't imagine Alexandra being scared of much," Valerie says. "Pretty sure she just flips between annoyed, vindictive, and self-congratulatory."
"No like… Skunks stink as a defensive macaroni. That's what it is."
Valerie sighs, frustrated. "Okay, so even if it is a defensive mechanism , she's still mean."
Josie nods in agreement. "Right, she's totally nasty to us. You included."
Melody mulls this over for a moment, then shrugs. "Well, maybe I just like bad girl magicians."
"Mel, she's not a magician , she's just malicious," Valerie offers. "Maybe keep your crush to yourself, in this case. I don't think she'd react well to it."
"Oh! Do you think she didn't understand last time I told her?"
"You already told her?"
"Yeah! This morning at breakfast. I guess I really am bad at keeping secrets, shoot."
Valerie and Josie look at each other for a moment, concern clear in their expressions as they each put together a theoretical order of events. Valerie takes a soft, caring tone and asks, "Mel, did Alexandra tell you to 'stay in the closet' this morning?"
"Yeah! That's what she told me. It'd be better for my career, so I've been here!"
Josie grumbles, frustrated on Melody's behalf. "Mel, she was saying you shouldn't let people know you like girls. Which is nonsense, you don't have to listen to her."
"She was speaking in code? I wish I'd known that before I sniffed out your surprise."
"Yeah, I'm sorry Mel. Did she turn you down hard?"
"Turn me down?"
Valerie takes a step towards her and puts a comforting hand on Melody's shoulder. "You told her how you feel, Sweetie. She must have told you she's not interested."
"No, she didn't tell me that. She-"
Before Melody can continue, the closet door bursts open and Alexandra steps inside. "There you are, you Bubble-head. Do you know how long I've been hunting for you?"
Melody hurries over to her and wraps her arms around Alexandra's neck. She presses a kiss to her cheek. Alexandra acts annoyed, but she's blushing and she wraps an arm around Melody's waist anyway.
Josie and Valerie stare at the scene, trying to wrap their heads around it. Alexandra sneers at them. "What? I can't hug my girlfriend in my own condo?"
"You're dating ," Valerie asks, shocked.
"So you didn't turn her down this morning?"
"What? We’ve been-” Alexandra starts, then she groans. “This morning Melody told me she had a crush on me. We’ve been dating since we left Los Angeles.”
“But she was hiding in the closet,” Josie says, “Why would you tell her to do that?”
“Yeah, why did you have me hide here? Wait! Is there a party for me? Oh, I can hide again! Just tell me when to jump out and surprise myself.”
Alexandra snorts. She gives Melody a short, affectionate kiss on the top of her head. “No surprise parties. I was trying to convince Mel that she shouldn’t let any reporters know. Do you know how many Pussycats fans only buy merch to support their daydream of going steady with Melody? A ton.”
“That’s… Thoughtful, I think,” Valerie says. “But we should really just let Melody be herself. If people don’t like it, so be it.” Josie nods in agreement.
Alexandra shrugs. “That’s fine, too. I just didn’t want Josie here to think I was taking advantage of Melody to tank your sales.”
There’s a knock at the door and Alexander pokes his head in. “Girls? Why are you all hanging out in the coat closet?”
Before anyone can come up with an excuse, Melody blurts out, “We’re planning your surprise party, Alexander!”