Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Eric recoils.

So do I.

The last time I saw Daniel, he looked fine. Normal and healthy, a little too put together, and not like he might pass out. This time, he looks like he's come down with whatever Jeremy still has, and he's not letting it stop him.

Daniel slides into the booth, his skin pale and sweaty, with an air of exhaustion about him. He's still graceful for someone who was just sprinting toward the table, but he frowns when Eric moves away from him. When Eric doesn't greet him past shoving himself closer to me, Daniel's expression darkens.

"Well, it's nice to see you, too, Eric."

"Are you sick?" Eric snaps. He glares at his father as the waiter returns to offer more water, and I'm nearly crushed by his rage and himself as he continues to move away from his father. "You look like you're sick. I don't have time to get sick."

"I'm fine. I ran here as soon as I realized what time it is. I was at the hospital longer than planned," Daniel explains. He looks at me again, and I wonder if he remembers who I am. "Am I interrupting something? I swore you said to meet you here. I booked a meeting with you."

"I see Ashley didn't call you." Eric's tone drips with venom, and he leans into me, his stare darkening as he scowls at his father. "I'm in a meeting with Everly."

"I see," Daniel answers, looking over at me. Our position is suspicious, but Daniel has no clue what he's interrupted. Eric was just admitting that he's rarely seen me out of my uniform, despite having just seen me out of my uniform. I felt like he was about to tell me something very personal, but instead, he's now sneering at his father. "Everly, it's nice to see you here. I hope you're feeling good."

Of course, he remembers me.

I smile brightly, hoping he won't try to inject me with anything while I'm here. He keeps staring, and I hope it's purely because it's rare anyone is with Eric and not because he's trying to decide if I need more vitamins.

"It's nice to see you, too. And thank you. I feel much better now that I stopped…" I catch myself, but so does Daniel.

"You stopped what?" Daniel asks, and I can see his wind whirling.

"Um, staying up late. I was really tired." I lie, trying to give myself an inch of space away from Eric. Daniel doesn't look like he believes me, so I shrug and reach for another breadstick while Eric flings his arm behind me, and his fingers press against my shoulder. "I'm good, now. And Erudite is lovely. I've never been here before. Only…Dauntless and Amity."

"I heard you went back." Daniel frowns. "Rylan called me. He was rather distraught about the move. He claims it's too political."

"I guess..." I trail off, distracted when someone brings us more breadsticks, along with a glass for Daniel.

"It is a political move. She's only there until things calm down. Then she and I will both return to Dauntless," Eric interrupts, his tone as sharp as his stare. "Rylan should also calm down."

"I can't calm down. I'm not enjoying this at all. It's not what I had planned." Rylan appears, pausing to gaze wistfully as a plate of pasta is carried past. He sits down with a grimace, officially trapping me in the booth. I can't get any closer to Eric, but Rylan pays no attention as he scoots closer, until I'm completely against Eric's side. "Did you order yet? I'm starving."

"No, we didn't. We were in the middle of talking when you two dropped by," Eric retorts. "You know what? Why don't you go sit at your own table? There are plenty open. I'll flag someone down for you."

"No thanks." Rylan shakes his head. "This table is just fine."

"Eric, I called you earlier, but you didn't answer. I wanted to discuss the Leadership position here. I know you've received several candidates, but –" Daniel stops, and his eyes widen. "Is that my assistant?"

"If it is, she's not sitting with us."

Eric's mood continues to darken, and I'm left wondering what would have happened had they not shown up. I follow Eric's glare over to a brunette woman, cheerfully dining with a guy in a blue jacket. They are engrossed in a conversation about…something. She keeps measuring things with her fingers, and the man nods, occasionally countering with a bigger measurement.

"Is that…Greg?! Wait, I think I missed a call from him." Flustered by whoever these people are, Daniel checks his watch. Then his phone, then looks at Eric and me like we know what he's talking about. "Sorry, I also scheduled an afternoon meeting with them and forgot. Everly, you might not remember her, but Camille is my assistant, and Greg is another surgeon. They both agreed to meet after I talked with you, but I didn't realize they were already here. I have them down for four."

"Oh, well…you can meet them." I have zero idea why he's sharing this with me, but it only makes Eric even more annoyed. "Your assistant seems nice. Or she was when I met her."

"Cool. I'm working as Everly's assistant." Rylan reaches for my glass of water and downs it in a single gulp. "It pays nothing but I get to see the wildlife and I have a working sink."

I look at Rylan, while Eric side eyes me. Even Daniel looks at Rylan, who busies himself examining the plate in front of him.

"You don't have a working sink in Dauntless?" I dare to ask. "I thought everyone did."

"He has a working sink. Rylan, why don't you accompany Daniel over to the people he's actually here to see?" Eric snaps. "Everly and I need to finish talking."

"Alright." Rylan's agreement is surprisingly quick, but only because Camille and Greg have realized what is going on. Camille's stare is on me, so surprised you'd have thought I was a ghost, while Greg's is more focused. I remember seeing her in the infirmary, but I'm not sure she knows who I am. "I have to drive Everly back tonight, so we'll meet up after."

"Great," Eric hisses, sitting up straighter. "You two should go. Now."

"Eric, listen. I'd like to put my name in as a candidate for the Leader of Erudite. It's likely you have numerous options, but I have some ideas I think could be utilized." Daniel reluctantly slides out of his seat, gathering his papers with him. "I submitted my application before I left. I'd like you to consider it as though we don't know each other."

"That won't be hard to do." Eric retorts. "You've never once mentioned wanting to lead a faction. What qualifies you over anyone else?"

"Well, if Jeanine can do it, any of us can. I'd like to have a hand in rebuilding it. And maybe…" he stands, and smiles at me. "You and Everly can come visit again. You could even stay the weekend. I'm…there's a lot going on, but I have the space now. I've moved closer to the hospital."

I don't look at Eric.

I look only at his father, implying that I am here with Eric, and would spend the night with him, wherever his father now lives. I wait for Eric to bark at him to leave, or at the very least correct him, but he doesn't.

He nods, so sharply that his head looks like it might snap off, then sighs.

"Yeah. You know what? We will. Enjoy your dinner, Daniel. Rylan."

"Good. We're making some progress." Rylan also stands, but his eyes find mine. "I'll meet up with you in a few hours. Camille can talk forever. Last time, she told me about a guy who had two brains and could control both of them. He even –"

"Rylan –"

Eric and Daniel say his name at the same time, but Rylan's snicker of amusement proves he's not serious. With a final laugh, he heads over to Camille and Greg. He greets them enthusiastically as he takes the seat beside Greg. I watch Daniel join with less enthusiasm, and his gaze keeps returning to Eric and me. When he's seated, I take a sip of wine, and Eric does, too.

He drinks his without stopping, then exhales sharply once he's done.

"Is that what you were expecting?" I look up at him, expecting a sneer or a scowl. I'm met with a headshake, and a look of total bemusement. "I thought for sure he was coming over here to give us more vitamins."

"Far from it. He was highly critical of Jeanine, and while admirable that he wants to help he's never led anything other than his surgical team." Eric's pause is purposeful. The waiter refills his drink without asking, then someone else drops off more bread. "He said he didn't trust Jeanine. I imagine he's thinking if he takes over, he'll do the right thing, like it's an easy choice."

"Did you trust Jeanine?"

I'd met her twice.

Once, when I lived in Amity. She walked down the path with a forced smile, an army of blue surrounding her, and presumably Eric and a few from Dauntless. She looked at us, and it was easy to see her struggle to keep the politeness on her face. I was sixteen at the time, and all I could see was how put together she was, and how dirty we looked in comparison. Sophia and I had come from the lake, and in our sundresses and wet hair, we must have appeared abhorrent to her.

I met her a second time in Dauntless. During the Fear Landscapes, she watched a few with minor interest. She didn't watch mine, and our only interaction was her looking in my direction, while Eric stared behind her. His gaze was mean with disapproval. I half expected him to point me out, but he turned on his heel to observe as some poor guy was forced to face his final fear and he and Jeanine left after she'd seen enough.

"For a while, I did. I believed she had a purpose, and her ideas were like nothing I'd ever heard of before. The longer I worked for her, the more I realized she didn't have any proof of what she was searching for, and we were doing the dirty work of proving her theories incorrect." Eric pauses, and his arm doesn't move from behind my shoulder. "She had some dangerous plans. I don't think many mourned her death. Max was relieved, as was Harrison."

"Oh."

I look up at him again, and this time, I'm graced with his profile. The wave of his hair where it doesn't quite blend, and his lips pressing together to bite back whatever he was about to say.

"I didn't know her. What were her ideas you were working on?" I ask, carefully, knowing Eric's patience has a limit. It might be longer in public, especially here, with his father watching feverishly and Greg joining him. "Did you ever –"

"I did a lot of things for her. If you were in my position, you'd have done the same. Rylan, Jason, even Harrison. Everyone has followed orders they didn't agree with. Look how easily you agreed to go to Amity." His answer is harsh. "The soldiers don't question what's asked of them. They accept the orders as they're given, and when they're done, that's it. They move on to the next project. Working with Jeanine was the same."

Something shifts in him, and when he looks at me, it's like he's remembering exactly who I am.

"Working with her got me where I needed to be. It's the same for you."

"I thought it was important I went to Amity," I point out. His posture changes, and the sudden edginess lessens. "You said –"

"I know. I was…" his pause is punctuated by another sigh and a glance toward Daniel. "You're the right person for the position. You have good intentions. My work with Jeanine rarely had good intentions."

His confession comes out of nowhere, but presumably from the complicated balance of protecting the factions, his father's arrival, his friend acting incredibly strange, and the close proximity in which we are sitting. In fact, his leg moves, brushing against mine, and he turns to face me, so close that I could touch my forehead to his. It's suddenly hard to breathe. My head is dizzy from the wine, and it spins from being so close to him.

Never, in my life, would I have pictured myself in this moment.

"Do you have good intentions now?" I ask, and his gaze drops.

If Rylan has given him anything, it would explain why he looks so interested. Why his stare is dark, his lips have parted, and his head is tilted toward mine. It would explain why his body is primed toward me, why one of his hands is still on his wine glass, the grip so tight I expect it to shatter, and the other is making sure I don't move. It would explain everything, including his answer.

Eric's gaze falls to my mouth, and when his eyes return to mine, he shakes his head.

"No. I do not."

He's warm.

Beneath a canopy of tree branches, twinkle lights, and the chilly afternoon sun, I sit pressed against Eric, happily eating ice cream. The coffee shop here is nothing like the one in Dauntless. No one is in a hurry. The crowd is patient and considerate, almost indulgent as they choose specialty coffees I've never heard of. There is plenty to eat; the shop has all kinds of pastries, and several varieties of ice cream. I picked one that was pink, while Eric ordered a black coffee. He paid for the orders with a blue card, then told me we'd sit outside by a heater.

If he truly had bad intentions, he was great at carrying them out.

He picked a secluded table in the corner, then sat so close you'd assume we were well acquainted. His leg rested against mine, and when I shivered, he put his arm along the booth behind me and moved in closer. Around us, the citizens of Erudite chatted amongst themselves, visibly attentive to who they were with. Every so often, one would glance in our direction, but most were busy working or catching up with friends. I leaned into Eric when the breeze picked up, and when he noticed I failed to bring a jacket, he offered me his.

I liked his Dauntless jacket more.

This one felt too light, like it was more for show than anything.

"So, are you going to pick your dad? Do you think he'd do a good job?"

When I look up at Eric, my question has made him shut his eyes. The piercing above his eyebrow is pulled taut, and his eyebrows are raised near his hairline. He eventually opens his eyes to look at the sky, and his answer is ambiguous as his foot hits mine on purpose.

"He wouldn't fuck up the faction or do anything stupid. Odds are, he'd do whatever we ask." Eric pauses to look down at me. "But…"

"But…what? Are you worried he'll ban you from coming here?" I take another bite of ice cream, and he watches. Eric's eyes move to my hand on the spoon, then back to my face. "Do you want some?"

"No." Eric looks away, then shrugs. "Even if he bans me, I can come back. I don't need his permission to visit the factions."

"Didn't you stay away from Amity because Johanna banned you?" I lean further into him, promising myself it's because I'm cold and eating ice cream and not because I want to be this close to him. "You said you could still go there, but you didn't."

"I had no reason to go to Amity. If I wanted to, I would have gone." Eric's defiant tone makes me smile. "I didn't want to, so I…didn't."

"Right. Well, maybe your dad would be a good choice. Do you know the other candidates?" I ask. When I look up at him, he looks completely different. I can't put my finger on it, but he looks less like the Leader of Dauntless, and more like the Leader of Erudite. He's still dangerous, though. His fingers are grazing the back of my hair, and I have the feeling if I asked him to take me somewhere, anywhere, he'd agree. "Are they –"

"They're no one. Doctors, surgeons, a few business owners, and someone from the shops. Anyone with enough ego to think they can oversee the faction." Eric stops as his fingers move up higher, and in the late afternoon, he's quite the sight. "Everly, are you happy in Amity?"

"Um…"

"Everly?"

His question catches me off guard.

My time in Amity hasn't been challenging. It's an easy assignment, even with his request to have soldiers stay there permanently. Out of everyone, I have been given the simplest task, but it's only because I'm from there, and the faction trusts me. I wouldn't say I'm unhappy being in my former faction, but I certainly can't imagine staying.

Unfortunately for me, I have no clue what Eric wants to hear.

"I am. It's going well. I'll make sure the soldiers can stay, and there shouldn't be any issues after I leave. Are you planning on having Johanna take over again?" I pause with the spoon halfway to my mouth, and his nod is unconvincing. "Eric, are you okay? Is something wrong?"

In every aspect, I know little about him. I know he's intimidating, perhaps a little more than he needs to be. He keeps a small circle of trusted friends, because he needs them, but he must offer something they need, too. I know he works hard, loathes those who cannot follow orders because it wastes his time, but he has an appreciation for those who truly understand what it means to be in Dauntless.

I also know he looks a little pale, and it's probably not the vitamins.

Eric clears his throat, and I notice he looks a little…warm. He closes his eyes again, and when he opens them, he nods his head, and his gaze is far away.

"Do you not feel good?" I parrot a question he's asked me before while setting my ice cream on the table. I reach up to press my hands to his cheeks, and rather than cold skin, his face is hot. His cheeks burn beneath my palms. His eyes close, and they don't open until I lean in further. "Eric, are you sick?"

"It's allergies. Rylan brought me something for it." He swallows, then sucks in a deep breath. "Everly, I –"

"What are you doing? Eric, you said you'd be done in an hour and it's been nearly three. We have work to do. You shouldn't be at some coffee shop. Jeanine would never."

A shrill voice interrupts us, and the daringly sharp reprimand is from none other than Ashley, hovering steps away with an angry look on her face. Her eyes are narrowed in frustration, and in her hands is crumpled paperwork. It twists as she watches us with a violent look on her face, and her posture screams irritation.

The sight of her is startling.

"We have work to do, Eric. You're supposed to be looking over a proposal for…" she stops when Eric looks at her with the same glare of contempt he has for anyone who interrupts him. He pulls away as her rant continues, but it's with less conviction. "Who is she? Is she really the Leader of Amity? Or is this some sort of prank? I don't recall Jeanine eating ice cream with Johanna. EVER."

I find great amusement in how mad she sounds.

Ashley must assume Eric is in Erudite to stay, and that her position is with him. I understand the desire to align with someone in power, and the desperation to keep her job in Erudite. But she's clearly overestimating her position because Eric's jaw cocks to the side, and her eyes widen when my hands fall away.

The disconnect from him is sharp.

I'm surprised by the way it feels, along with the overwhelming urge to make sure he's alright.

"Are you following me?" Eric demands, sliding away to stand. When he's at his full height, Ashley smartly steps backward. "I told you, I have a meeting. What happens during that meeting is none of your business."

"Erudite is my business," Ashley fires back, though her gaze slips. She looks at me, and disapproval is all over her expression. "I'm not sure what your meeting entails, but if she's the Leader of Amity, she should act accordingly."

I smile brightly at her.

She's in for a real treat when she learns she never had to bow to me.

"My apologies if you were offended by my behavior." I smile again, but her glare doesn't lessen. "Are you alright? Would you like to join us?"

"No, I'd like for my boss to get back in his office so we can finish up our day. You should get back to Amity. I'm sure the cows miss you." Ashley says the last part with as much malice as she can, but I merely shrug. "I can't imagine living in the woods like an animal."

"You are aware Amity has housing, are you not?" I tilt my head, but there's no need for me to say anything more.

Eric steps even closer to her, and his posture is ready to attack.

"If you want to keep your job here, then you'll do as you're told and nothing more," he snarls. He doesn't quite tower over her, but he's intense enough that several turn to face him. "I'll ask you one more time, did you follow me? I left you with work to do."

"I came to get a coffee," Ashley answers defensively. "I just happened to see you sitting with her….and…"

"Go back to your office. Pack up your stuff and go home. I'll let you know if you're to come back tomorrow."

"What?"

Her gasp is accentuated by a dark look in my direction. I could understand her fury, except I've done nothing to her. I'm not gunning to be Eric's assistant, nor do I want to live in Erudite. If she thinks I'm here for other reasons then she's not smart enough to work for him.

"You heard me. You're dismissed for the day. I'm positive Jeanine wouldn't appreciate you spying on her, either." He cocks his head, and I wonder if she's feeling the same flash of fear the initiates do when they see him. Even in his button-down shirt and slacks, Eric is intense enough that I feel a fleeting speck of sympathy for Ashley. "Take the rest of the week off. I'll decide if I need an assistant at all, and the next Leader of Erudite can choose their own."

"You can't do this." Ashley clearly has never had anyone tell her no. I'm surprised she's so quick to argue with Eric, but her next sentence clarifies her bravery. "You were never like this before. This isn't the Eric I know. You promised me –"

"I promised you nothing."

Eric's words are so venomous that even I wince.

I watch silently as Ashley blinks. She eventually presses her lips together, and it feels like ages until she nods. It's so slight one might miss it, but she gives in enough to placate Eric.

"Understood. I'll see you whenever you need me back."

Ashley walks away with a violent look in my direction. It doesn't go unnoticed by Eric, but he doesn't say anything. He watches her leave with her head held high, through a wave of murmurs from everyone watching. I wonder if Jeanine ever publicly reprimanded anyone, then I realize probably not. I imagine her persona hinged on her appearing unflappable at all times, and she would prefer to wait until she got to her office to lose it.

Eric is the opposite.

He's made a public example out of Ashley, though he doesn't need to make anyone here fear him.

They already do.

When he takes his seat at the table, he misses the looks of both total awe and complete horror thrown his way.

"When will you come by?"

I stand outside the glass building, waiting while Rylan starts the truck. It's not one from Dauntless, but a rambling older one from Amity that occasionally chooses not to work. He pushes a few buttons on the console that more than likely won't do anything, then cheerfully yells out that he's ready whenever I am.

"Eric?"

"In a day or so." The weariness is all over Eric's face, but especially in his voice. Behind him, an army of blue trickles out of the building. Most are heading home, but some are just arriving for the evening shift. Each person looks at him, nodding or smiling in hopes of winning him over, but he doesn't acknowledge any of them. "Everly…"

He stops when he says my name, and it's odd to hear him use it so freely. I would assume he mostly snarled people's last names and called it a day. It's personal coming from him, and I find myself hoping he'll say it again.

"Yes?"

Eric still doesn't answer. Beneath a now waning sun and a wave of thick, grey clouds, he looks paler than ever. His eyes aren't as sharp as they normally are, and his hair is rumpled from when he ran his hand through it. He looks down at me, and whatever he was going to say is gone with the chilly breeze.

"Let me know when you make it official that the soldiers can stay." He bites down on the side of his cheek, and our goodbye is nothing but professional. "As soon as you can. I'll come by to meet you before the faction, so they know this isn't something that came out of nowhere. The sooner this happens, the better. If you get any sort of pushback, call in Harrison. He'll override any of their concerns, but it'll be easier if they think it's your idea."

"I can do that."

I wait for…something. I don't know what exactly. I've just spent my afternoon pressed against him, but he's standing before me like he did in Harrison's office. Like I am just another soldier he's working with, and he hadn't been about to spill something personal before his father interrupted.

The disappointment is so thick I think he can feel it, too.

"Okay." Eric steps away, and he doesn't ask for his jacket back. The wind is sharp as he nods curtly, then takes off to join the slew of security guards waving him over.

"Bye." I step backward, nearly falling off the curb, while Rylan fiddles with the emergency lights. He pushes them several times, then swears when an alert screeches. He pays no attention to Eric or the guards, and only minimal attention when one points toward a large high rise in the distance.

"Did he say anything important?"

Rylan's words startle me. I'm still watching Eric walk with the guards. They aren't armed the way I think they would be, though most are his size. They head away from the building he works in, toward a second smaller one. He looks back once, and my imagination suggests he's looking for me.

"He said a lot. I'm sure all of it was important. He wants Dauntless to stay in Amity and I'm supposed to make it permanent, but with Amity's approval." I climb into the truck, and when I fumble for the seat belt, Rylan makes a noise of disapproval. "What?"

"That's not important. I meant, did he say anything important, like will you marry me?"

"Really, Rylan?" I turn to face him, and he's dead serious. "Are you seriously asking me if Eric proposed while we met to talk about soldiers being in Amity?"

"Yes."

"No, he didn't." I would roll my eyes, but I'm starting to wonder if Rylan is partaking in whatever he's putting in Eric's drinks. "He said he'll be by soon, though. That's as close to a marriage proposal as you're getting."

"In a way, it is." Rylan puts the truck in drive, and his expression is displeased. He turns the heat up higher, then immediately turns it back down. "I approve."

"Oh good. I'm glad." My answer is far more sarcastic than I intended, but Rylan misses it completely.

We leave in a hurry. He drives faster than necessary toward the end of Erudite, then turns sharply to avoid stopping for someone crossing the road. The ride back to Amity is quiet, but every so often he mumbles something about the roads and the lack of Dauntless soldiers patrolling, and don't I find it suspicious that no one is out there.

I don't answer him.

I stare out the window until we near the border of Amity, and I find myself wishing I didn't have to go back.

Surprisingly, the absence of Eric is almost worse than being on his radar, and being stuck in Amity is just as bad.

On the most freezing day so far, I sit at Johanna's desk, carefully typing away on her computer. I respond to Jack Kang, polite as ever but very suspicious about why I was here, and tell him sure, he can come by whenever to discuss how much food he needs delivered. Across the desk, Rylan rattles off the names of the soldiers and where he's positioned them. When he pauses, I look at my phone. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Rylan dramatically waving his arms in a large circle, then an even larger circle when I touch the phone.

It's been two days since I left Erudite.

I haven't heard a single word from Eric. My assumption was that he was busy, but I had no real way of knowing. I could reach out, but since I hadn't had Amity vote on the soldiers staying yet, I had no news for him. It seemed juvenile to call purely to see what he was doing, and I doubt he'd be thrilled that I called to say hello. I can just imagine his scathing response when he figured out I was bored, and calling to check on him.

"Hey, have you heard from Eric?" Rylan's question is pointed. "I assume that's why you keep looking at your phone."

"What?" I practically jump out of the chair, guilty at being caught, and he looks annoyingly pleased. "No, why would you think that?"

"You want to call him, don't you?" Rylan leans back in his chair, and I notice he's acclimated well. His dark shirt isn't black, and his hair is tangled like he just woke up from a nap. He props his feet up on the desk, and his boots are untied. "You can. Just select his name and hit call. He'll answer."

"I don't want to call Eric." My answer is defensive, and Rylan knows it. "Stop smirking at me. I'm just worried since he said he'd be by to check on the soldiers and I haven't heard anything from him."

"I'm not smirking at you. This is my natural, resting expression. I can't help how I look, Everly. I was born this way," Rylan answers dryly. "And yeah, I'm sure he's coming by to check on the soldiers. Of course. It sounds like something he'd claim he needs to do."

"Isn't that his job?" I touch the phone gingerly, and it lights up to absolutely nothing. "Doesn't he oversee the entire army?"

"Sometimes." Rylan's shrug is dismissive. "Other times, he locks the door and spends his days pining for a wife."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's exactly what he does in his office. You're right." I answer sarcastically. I lean back into the chair, sighing when Jack responds immediately. "Hey, what day can you meet with Jack and me? He's determined to come by, but I don't know him or what to say. I don't want to mess this up."

"You can say anything. He never shuts up or listens, so it won't matter what you tell him. Hey, have you ever been to this fancy dinner thing I overhead people talking about? A Snowland event?" Rylan's eyes light up, and I groan, knowing exactly what he's about to ask me. "I heard there's a ball here…"

"It's not a ball, and yes, I have been to it." I type quickly, telling Jack next week is fine. He can't make it this week, there's the threat of another storm, and he's busy, but none of that matters to me. "It's …not what you're thinking."

"I have a feeling it's exactly what I'm thinking."

Rylan grins widely, and I find myself throwing him one very Eric-like, unamused eyeroll.

Despite being a farming community and often regarded as a simple, boring place to live, Amity really enjoyed celebrating almost anything and everything. We held a Winter Festival that wasn't widely known unless you were a member, and the whole faction attended. There was also a Fall Festival, a Spring Festival, and sometimes a Summer Festival. The Amity faction loved having these events, but the Winter one was the best one to attend. It was the most decorated, largest party, and more often than not, someone got married during it. The idea of dancing beneath snowflakes and stars was incredibly romantic, but it wasn't what Rylan was thinking.

Everyone was well behaved, and it was one of the few times the faction really did dress up.

"I'd like to attend," Rylan announces, leaning back in the chair a dangerous distance. It threatens to tip over, but he seems to find it entertaining. "Actually, I'd like to host the event. I have a feeling they'll need my help and my ideas."

"You know what? Sure. Why not? It's a ton of work and it's not like you have any real assignments here, right?" I look at Rylan, wondering if Harrison knew what he was getting into by having Rylan come with me. "I'm sure Eric won't mind."

"He won't mind because he'll be attending. With you." Rylan's answer is accompanied by a very confident grin.

"I'm sure he won't."

I ignore him in favor of picking up my phone, and the previous few days hit me like I'm the one who was drinking the serum. I find myself in total agony wondering what Eric is doing. I wonder if he's with Ashley, or if he's busy with the scientists. When I bite down on my lip it brings me back to Earth, and I realize how utterly stupid I am being. Eric would laugh in my face if he knew what I was thinking. The best thing I can do is focus on my own work, hold the vote, and move on with life when I get back to Dauntless.

Maybe my help here will have secured a better position for me, and I won't have to deal with Four. Being here has to count for something, so I might as well follow through with it.

"He'll answer if you call," Rylan throws out. "I'm just saying."

"I don't want to call him." My answer is harsher than I intended. It forces Rylan to sit up, moving his feet away from the desk. "Sorry, I'm not…I just don't need to call him."

"It's okay. I should go. You're not wrong. I do have real work to do."

Rylan stands up, and his expression is torn, and somewhat disheartened. I feel horrible. He's not really doing anything awful, and he's right.

I do want to call Eric.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just…I don't think that's what he wants." I apologize as I stand up, and Rylan doesn't move. "Ashley showed up while I was at coffee with him. She lost her mind over him not being there and I think she jarred him back into his work. Whatever he wanted to discuss was over, and he left without saying much. I know you're thinking he's…been nice to me, but it's just work. That's it. There's nothing more going on."

"It wasn't just work. Not the whole time." Rylan's counter argument is kind, and perhaps he knows something I don't. But he steps away, and his smile is unenthusiastic. "I'll see you later. Have a good day, Everly."

For the first time since choosing Dauntless, I feel like every decision I have ever made is wrong.

I chew on my cheek as Rylan heads down the stairs without looking back. The guilt over snapping at him is immense, even though I was working while he sat there and tried to marry off his friend. And while the thought of him having a hand in Eric falling in love was funny, it was also terrifying. At any point, Eric will likely lose it over being given the serum, and I wouldn't be entirely innocent. I might not have given him anything, but I also hadn't warned him when I saw what Rylan was doing.

To make matters worse, I could almost see Rylan's side. I knew he wanted his friend to be happy, and I'm sure he assumed the serum was harmless. I couldn't fault him for wanting Eric to be happy or trying to help, but even I knew he was walking a fine line with how much Eric would tolerate.

What bothered me was that he was right. I do want to call Eric, and I have very stupidly let myself get caught up in everything going on. Even if I had drunk the serum, I was now floundering feelings that shouldn't exist. I was heading down a dangerous path, and odds are, it's going to bite me in the ass when Eric figures out what's going on.

With a heavy exhale, I sit back down, and dully tell Jack that he can come by next week, and I'll make sure we have plenty of time to talk.

When I'm done, I look at my phone again, and I'm hit with a wave of disappointment that Eric still hasn't called.

To my relief, I find Rylan an hour later.

After staring at the computer screen for too long, I decide to take a walk, only to find Rylan joyously leading an army of chickens down the pathway. He waves from the curve near the playground, and he comes to a halt until I can reach him.

"Hey! Rylan! I, um, I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. I wasn't mad at you, and I shouldn't have said that. I know you work a lot. I just…"

"No, I don't. You're not wrong, and you weren't wrong to be mad." Rylan interrupts, shaking snowflakes out of his hair. "I have been very focused on other things. I find them far more entertaining than making sure the soldiers are doing what they're asked. Anyone would."

"Yeah," I nod, having paid little attention to the soldiers myself. "I still feel bad."

"Don't. You were working, and I was bothering you. It happens all the time with Eric," Rylan snickers. "Which is why he'll be very happy with what you've done. Promise. Even without his allergy medicine."

"Rylan…"

I stop when he grins even wider. He doesn't say anything else, but he does turn when a loud crack of thunder echoes through the air. The sky above is dark, and my stomach sinks at the sight.

The storm coming doesn't look like it'll be quick, which means there's even less of a chance that I will see Eric.

"Hey, no big deal. I needed to go round up these guys anyway. I was talking to your dad, and he said the storm is supposed to last a week or so. I'm bringing them into my house so they don't freeze." Rylan says, tilting his head to look up at the sky. "Do you want to help?"

"I should get home. Actually, I should probably make sure the faction is ready to shut down for the storm."

The wind howls, and I pull my jacket tighter, wishing I'd worn something warmer. I won't have long before the storm starts, and I need to make sure everyone follows the storm protocol. The factions will still need food, which means the farmers have the rest of today, and maybe tomorrow, for deliveries.

"Equally important. I'll see you when you're back."

Rylan salutes me, then he leads the chickens away. I watch as dozens file past me, squawking and occasionally fighting one another. They follow him further down the path, and only Jerry stops to stare curiously from the side. When he sees me standing there, his nod is serious, and he waves me toward him.

We both know we don't have long, and by the time I reach Jerry, I've almost forgotten about Eric not calling.

Almost.

In front of the bar's newest expansion, I stand with Jake, watching as people talk amongst themselves.

Despite the impending storm and the late hour, the crowd is large and very eager to participate. I'm not surprised by how many have shown up, but I am relieved to have the meeting in the bar instead of the Dome. Forrest offered upon news that there would be another discussion, and to my surprise, his bar remodel was done.

The new seating area is enormous. It's big enough to host several large parties, and with the multiple fireplaces, new seating, and lower bar tables, it holds the faintest resemblance to Clyde's. In fact, the lanterns seemed inspired by the cavernous halls of Dauntless, and the walls are darker than I remember. He's hung antlers at various points, a tapestry with names I don't recognize, and dozens of pictures are now hung on the walls.

It looks nice. I'm happy for Forest, especially when people begin filing in, and his bar is soon slammed.

"Do you think anyone voted no?" Jake half whispers as a few sign the papers in front of them. Off to the side, Harrison and Jeremy are both signing something, and occasionally glaring at one another. "I can't imagine why they would?"

"If they don't want Dauntless here, they'll vote no. Not everyone likes us," I point out defensively, even though I'm dressed like I never left Amity. "Did you vote yes?"

"Why wouldn't I? Aren't you staying?" Jake blinks, inching closer to me. His arm hits mine, but he doesn't pull it away. "If you do stay, you'll still be our Leader, right? There's a rumor going around that Johanna won't come back. In fact, no one has seen her in days. Even May couldn't find her. No one is really worried because people are happy you'll stay in charge."

"What?" I look at him, but also at the others entering the bar. I don't recognize this group, but they're followed by several more from the fields. "Where is she?"

"I thought you knew. Maybe she's on vacation?" Jake shrugs. "I'm sure she's fine. But we have you now, so it's not a big deal."

"Her missing is a big deal." I counter, and my stomach drops. "I hope she's alright. I'll have the soldiers look for her."

"Why?"

"Because." My answer is short with worry.

Even if I want to stay here, which Eric has made very clear won't happen, I wouldn't want to lead the faction. In the short amount of time that I've been in Amity, I've been able to focus solely on Dauntless related efforts, but not so much the day to day of Amity. I've been lucky it runs on its own, and that people like my father are dedicated to keeping things in order. If I stay here, I'll have to take over everything, and my job will be never ending.

"Don't worry, Everly. She's probably not missing. I bet she took some time off." Jake counters. "I wouldn't stress about it."

"Where would she be on vacation? Where would she go?" I shove aside the fear that something has happened to her when my father wanders inside the bar. He looks around with a proud smile, then waves when he sees me. "I'm going to go say hi to my dad. Are you okay up here?"

"Sure. I'll keep an eye on things. Hey, I was wondering, do you want to have dinner this week? I could make you something and you could come over and maybe even stay the –"

I don't hear the rest of his sentence.

Nor do I want to.

I weave through the tables without looking back. I ignore the curious stares of the people sitting, though they're more interested in the voting than anything. When I reach my father, he steps forward to hug me, and it's like I never left.

"Hi, Everly."

"Hi."

His hug is just like I remember it. He smells like flowers from his greenhouse, and his shirt is worn and soft against my cheek. He holds on just long enough, and when we part ways, his bitter goodbye from the day I left Amity is a little less bold in my memory.

He had been visibly disappointed that I didn't choose Amity. It wasn't that he was losing the person who watched my siblings, but that I would want more than a life here, especially a life built upon violence. He couldn't fathom why I'd pick Dauntless, and I suppose he was right. I was never the person they were looking for, and the cold hard truth was the Dauntless faction wasn't built upon bravery. I could be the bravest person in Dauntless, but if I couldn't hold my own, it wouldn't matter.

Luckily for me, I made it just fine.

Still, my father's disappointment led to some serious self-doubt, which is why it's important to prove I've made it.

"Sorry, I haven't come by yet. I've been working extra since we have guests. Your friends eat more than we were expecting, and with the storm coming, we wanted to be prepared." My father's words are lighthearted, but they are quiet as he hugs me again. "You have no idea how good it is to have you back."

"It's good to be back. And I'm sorry. I could have come by, and I haven't. I just…I've been working a lot and there's some stuff going on." I pause to look up at him, and his smile is as understanding as ever. "Do you want to have dinner? Please say yes, because Jake was just asking me to have dinner and I think he assumes I'm staying here forever."

My father's laughter is loud enough that even Forrest turns to look at us.

"Of course. I'll make something for you and bring it over. Everyone wants to see you, but I won't get a word in over them once you show up. Zander is dying to visit Dauntless, and your sisters have taken quite the liking to watching the soldiers walk through. They're very impressed that you're a part of this."

"I'd love that." I hesitate to let go of him, but I do when Harrison joins us with a surprisingly tense look on his face. "Hey, is everything okay? Is everyone done voting?"

"Have you heard from Eric?" Harrison ignores my question, and I hate that his expression is bothered. "I can't get a hold of him. I spoke with him a few days ago, but nothing since then. We're waiting on some serums, and even his assistant isn't answering."

"I think he sent her home," I answer, not wanting to explain why Ashley wasn't responding. "I haven't heard from him. The last time I saw him, we spoke about the soldiers and the leader of Erudite. He seemed…"

I pause, and it hits me why Eric hasn't answered his phone.

"He wasn't feeling well when I saw him."

"I thought that, too. He sounded sick, but claimed it was allergies. I'll send Karl his way and see if they can find him. We need an ETA on when he'll be back in the office." Harrison smiles, but it falters when he looks at my father. "Good to see you, Hank. Everything good in your neck of the woods?"

"Great. It's an honor to be helping with your project." My father doesn't notice Harrison's change in attitude. Or if he does, he politely ignores it. "Forrest was just talking about having the soldiers in for a happy hour. He mentioned you have a similar bar in Dauntless."

"I do."

They look at one another, neither saying another word, and their standoff is strange. I can't put my finger on it, but neither appear willing to really say what they're thinking, and when my father reaches for my elbow, I feel like I'm in the middle of some yearslong dispute.

"Everly, we should say hello to Jerry. He's been dying to see you. He –"

"Actually, I'll be right back. I'm going to try and call Eric. He said he'd come by to speak about the soldiers after the vote. Maybe he's on his way," I wiggle free, not wanting to stay and talk. Jerry is fine, but Landon isn't anyone I want to see. "Give me a few minutes."

"Sure. Hank, would you join me for a drink? I have something I want to run by you." Harrison asks as I leave, and they continue their conversation on their walk toward the bar.

It sounds tense, but I can't figure out why. By the time I reach the bar doors, they are lost in the crowd of people waiting for drinks, and I can no longer see them. I head outside, only to be hit with an icy breeze. My fingers turn numb as I pull out my phone and search for Eric's name, and with only a second of hesitation, I hit call.

He doesn't answer.

It goes straight to his voicemail, a dark and annoyed message that hints no one should try to reach him unless they really must, and he likely won't reply.

I hesitate, then leave the fastest message I can.

"Hey, it's Everly. I'm…in Amity and I had the meeting. You aren't here, so I thought I'd call you and keep you up to speed. So far, it looks like everyone is fine if the soldiers stay, so you're good. Oh, and everyone is looking for you. Harrison asked if I knew where you were. Just a head's up. I…hope you're alright. Okay, bye."

My words sound stupid in my head, so I hang up before I blurt out anything else.

"Please don't listen to that."

I'm half tempted to send him a text, but my brain turns itself back on, and I decide not to.

I decide to head back inside, but when I turn, I find Jake right there, staring at me with a lovesick look on his face. I don't ever remember him having any interest in me past being his friend, but I'm horrified by the way he keeps inching closer, and his eyes keep widening. He's positively delighted to find me alone, and my meager Dauntless training flashes through my mind.

Much like when I fought against Karl and his friends, I likely won't be able to fend off anyone taller than me.

Especially with a dress on.

"Oh, hey… Jake. Did everyone finish voting?"

I desperately try to think of something to say that will remind him why I'm here. He grins as he closes the space between us, and all I can think of is when he told me I was pretty, but not that pretty. Jake meant it as a compliment, because Landon was trying to insult me by saying I thought I was too pretty to do any hard work on the farm, but it certainly didn't feel like one.

"Do you think you'll stay here?" Jake, in a haze of whatever romance he's conjured up in his mind, keeps walking. I step back even further, nearing the edge of the patio. It's funny how I don't mind sitting close to Eric, but I don't want Jake near me like this. "What if you just don't go back to Dauntless? You fit in well here. I know your dad misses you. And everyone is happy you're back. You and I could live together. I have an extra room, and you wouldn't need to stay with your parents and –"

"I'm engaged." I blurt out, crashing right into someone. They catch me by the elbow, and I know it's Eric because the grip turns painful. "Um, thank you for the offer. It's very kind. I'm just here to do a job."

"I thought you said you were never getting married." Jake's brow furrows, and his gaze darkens when Eric pulls me backward. I hit his chest again, but he still doesn't let go. "Wait, are you engaged to…Eric? Noelle said you claimed you weren't. I thought this wasn't political. Is that why you're really here? So Eric can be here?"

"No, I'm –"

"She doesn't need to live with you, nor will she be staying. She's here to make sure your shitty faction isn't destroyed." Eric barks. "Not because she wants to be."

His tone is acidic, but rough.

Like he's been coughing all day.

"I highly suggest you go back to your table and find something else to keep you entertained."

"Whoa, I was just asking. I thought…you're really getting married, Everly?" Jake looks disappointed and skeptical, but he should be. "To him?"

My heart nearly stops beating.

When I first came back, I announced I was never marrying anyone, ever. I especially wasn't marrying Eric, currently dressed like he wandered out of Erudite's labs, nor was I marrying the version of Eric dressed in black. When I look back, Eric's expression is exhausted, and his blue button down is wrinkled and askew.

"Oh, hi." My brain quits working. I smile before I notice he looks like death warmed over, and his quick glance down at me is unimpressed.

"Hi Everly."

"Wait, does everyone know this is why you're here?" Jake demands. "Do they know that—"

"You can go inside. Now." Eric glares at Jake. "Why she's here is none of your business."

"It is, because I live here." Jake scowls back, and they both must be out of their minds. He looks directly at me, and his eyes narrow. "I just thought you'd want to stay. You can't be enjoying Dauntless. My dad said it's really dark there and people get hurt from falling to their death."

"No one is falling to their death." I cross my arms as best as I can, wondering how on Earth anyone would know if I was happy there or not. "And I am enjoying it. So, no. I won't be staying."

"Go tally up the votes. We're done here." Eric's tone is commanding enough that Jake listens.

"Fine. I'll uh, see you around, I guess." With defeat all over his face, Jake nods, then steps backward. He makes it to the doors, then throws me a very insulted look. He watches as Eric shifts his weight, and the bar doors open to reveal the crowd filling every inch of space. Eric's grip tightens, but he lessens it when I wiggle free.

"Did they give you a hard time?" Eric asks. "How did it go?"

"Are you alright?" I turn to face him, and Eric's expression is less than enthused. "Are you sick?"

"Yeah, I am." Eric looks over, then crosses his arms. He has no jacket on, and he sighs when I stare at him. "I'm fine. It's not a big deal. I meant to come by earlier, but I got stuck in a meeting."

"What do you have? Did you see a doctor?" Without thinking, I close the distance between us to touch his face, and he's just as hot as he was in Erudite. "You feel really warm. You should be in bed. Why didn't you call?"

"I was on my way to see if the vote went through," Eric grits out. "Harrison called forty-three times. I figured something happened but didn't want to deal with him losing his shit over the phone. I was almost here anyway."

"The vote should pass. Everyone seems fine with it. Um, Eric, did you get checked out by anyone?" I ask, not sure at what point duty over his wellbeing won out.

In the few times I saw Eric around Dauntless, he always appeared to be the pinnacle of health. He never looked run down or tired, and my assumption was he had access to a lifestyle that kept him healthy. The few times we've interacted, he's always been put together and seemingly unstoppable.

Today, he looks ready to fall asleep standing up.

"We haven't gotten all the votes back, but I'm certain it went through. They aren't concerned about the soldiers staying." I move my hands to his collar, and he stares down like he's not sure what I'm doing. "It won't be an issue."

"Good," Eric murmurs. "Who is that guy? Does he work with your dad?"

"Jake," I answer, struggling not to cringe. "He's a family friend. I'm not sure why he thought I'd want to stay here. Or live with him."

"You shouldn't." Eric's answer is dark. "He's an idiot."

"You promised I'm going back to Dauntless. I think Jake is trying to be nice and it came out wrong." I answer quietly. My hands stay on his collar, then drop away when he nods. "Eric, are you sure you're alright? You look…awful."

"I'm fine," he mutters. "It's been a long day."

"Did Ashley come back?"

My question makes him pause. He looks down at me, and a million scenarios run through my head. I try to picture her returning to his office, offering up a weak apology for spying on him, but I can't. She was oddly defiant until he snapped at her, so maybe she returned in a whirlwind of sugary manipulation to get her job back.

I still don't like her.

It's an unfair judgement, but I think she deserves it.

"Yeah, she's back. I have a lot of work to do and she's helpful when she's doing her job." Eric stops, then his eyes find mine. "Why? You want to be my assistant?"

"And the Leader of Amity? I don't think I have the time, but thanks for the offer." I'm polite with my answer, and in a moment of complete rarity, Eric smiles. A real smile, not a smirk or sneer, but one where he looks genuinely amused. "Rylan might be interested."

"Everly…"

Eric leans inward as he murmurs my name. If I wasn't convinced Rylan had given him the serum from Erudite, or that his fever was making him delirious, I'd think he might actually tolerate my existence.

I swallow when his hand finds mine, and his fingers are rough. He takes hold of my hand like he's never once touched another human being, and the concept is foreign to him. He's not clumsy as he tightens his grip, but resigned, like he's allowing himself this moment and it's some guilty pleasure.

"Eric?" I crane my head up at him, and this time, his eyes are half hooded.

Not out of lust or desire, but from whatever flu he has.

"I think I need to lie down."

"Yeah, yeah you probably do." I nod my head, and one quick glance back at the bar shows Jake hovering near the doorway, mostly out of sight. Behind him is my brother, and behind him, somewhere deep inside the bar, is my father still speaking to Harrison. I make the snap decision that it'll be fine for me to leave, and vow to be back in thirty minutes. "Come with me. When you feel better, I'll show you around Amity and give you the tally for the votes, so you have proof."

"Okay."

His voice is far away, heavy with the threat of sleep and an impending coughing fit. Eric waits for me to move, and for the first time in both our lives, he defaults to what someone else has planned. It's a strange move for him, but he must feel terrible.

He follows me away from the bar, through the bank of snow, onto the path. Past the homes sitting dark, while others are lit up. Through the winding walkway, near the woods, until the house rises into sight. It's only once we near the house does Eric finally admit he thinks he might have caught something, but not to worry.

Ashley has given him something to take, promising him he'll be just fine, and Eric has willingly drunk it.

His phone rings constantly.

Alone in the dark house, I sit by the fire, doing my best to read the packet Harrison has left for me. I read it while I listen to the storm, and each gust of wind makes the house shake. I jump at the loudest howl yet, then return to the last page.

I've underestimated my involvement in this plan, and it's more intense than I originally thought. According to these plans, Dauntless will use Amity as a second base, and the soldiers will stay long after we stop the attacks. Included in the plans are notes about where the soldiers will live, the shifts they will work, and which farmers they will potentially partner with to keep an eye on the fields. I skim the notes twice, trying to untangle everything written, but I stop when his phone rings for the thirtieth time.

An hour ago, Eric followed me to my house, and blearily headed inside. I wracked my brain to figure out what I could do for him, knowing what he really needed was to sleep. While I rummaged through a cabinet for a painkiller, he wandered into my bedroom. I heard him mumble something incoherent, and right as my fingers touched an ancient bottle of probably expired pain relievers, he yelled that he was going to sit down. It was accompanied by a barking cough, a swear of disbelief that he was sick, and an even louder swear that his throat hurt.

I assumed he was waiting for me.

I walked into the bedroom to find him dead asleep, sprawled out in the middle of the bed. His button-down shirt was on the chair, along with his pants, and his shoes were kicked off to the side. He was face down with the stark white sheets tangled over him. I stood for a moment to take in the sight before me.

In his sleep, he wasn't on the defense, and it caught me off guard to see the bare skin of his back exposed. He shifted when I touched the side of his face, then exhaled so heavily I felt it in my bones.

He must have been sick for a few days, and it finally caught up to him.

After leaving him some water, I picked up his phone when it began to ring and silenced it. I wasn't someone who routinely invaded another's privacy, and there was a great chance Eric would kill me if I went through his phone, but he'd eventually wake up if Ashley kept calling him. I took great satisfaction in declining each call, and her messages came at a frantic pace.

An hour later, she's still calling over and over.

Her name flashes across the screen, more and more desperate to get ahold of him.

Others have called, including Jason. I thought about answering that one, but knowing Jason would tell Eric, I let it go to voicemail. I felt guilty for not picking up. At some point, I'd have to tell someone he was here. There was a chance Jake mentioned that I'd left with Eric, or that Harrison would wonder where I went and figure it out. Or maybe not. My part in Harrison's plan was going well, so he might not need me physically present. I debate calling him from Eric's phone, but when I pick it up, Ashley's name flashes across the screen again, and I accidentally hit accept.

"Where the fuck are you?"

Her hiss is loud in my ear. I can't imagine speaking to him like this, but she doesn't care.

Ashley doesn't even wait for his answer.

Her tirade continues, with zero patience for what he might be doing.

"Eric, I have had enough. I came back to work like you asked, and the second I return, you leave. You run to fucking Amity, claiming you need to see Harrison, and I know you went to see her. I don't know what dirt she has on you, but we can fix it. I can arrange to have someone take care of her. Put your stupid friend Rylan in charge of the faction and let him live out his lifelong dream of growing carrots. Do you hear me? Are you listening? If you think for half a second I'm going to let the Erudite faction –"

I hang up on her.

I don't say anything, though I should. She's just announced she could have me killed, all because Eric didn't hang around to do paperwork with her, and the threat against me could be viable. Actually, it probably is. If the look on her face back in Erudite told me anything, it was that I stood between her and Eric, and she'd do everything in her power to get to him and keep her job. I sigh when she calls back, but when I decline her call a second time, the phone unlocks.

I'm rewarded with a black background, a few apps used for his work, and nothing more. There is nothing personal on his phone, except for his email and whatever messages he has. It takes all the willpower I have not to open anything up, but that willpower fizzles away when his email dings, and an email from both Rylan and Damien arrive at the same time.

When I move to click the phone off, Rylan's email opens, and to my horror, I can't stop it in time.

"Oh no."

My life flashes before my eyes, but so does Rylan's lengthy email. Before I can realize what I'm doing, I'm halfway through a dissertation on why Rylan isn't drugging Eric, but if he was, it would be for his own good and Eric should go along with it and stop questioning him. I keep reading until I near the end, then my eyes widen.

And, like I said in my previous email that you are ignoring, I am not doing anything that would alter your thoughts. If you keep thinking of Everly, and not just because she's helping in your quest for world domination, that is on you. I have yet to find a way to enter one's dreams, and when I do, I won't waste my power on the nightmarish landscape that is your unfiltered mind.

Everly is my favorite person to come from Amity. While her family ties to the faction terrify you, they could work to your advantage. If I were drugging you, and you decided to marry her, you'd have a brother. One that could never take my place, but who would give you an in to the Amity faction. You would have access to the inner workings of a place you know nothing about, and they'd willingly accept you as their own. And sure, while Everly has expressed a desire to return to Dauntless, I bet you two would have fun, locked away in a snowy cabin. You would also have farm animals, which Harrison claims will not survive in Dauntless, access to direct sunlight, a lake, and a bar that doesn't smell like blood.

So, there you go. Stop worrying about the "vitamins" I ordered and start enjoying yourself. I am here to help you, Eric. I take your accusations to heart and am hurt to think you assume I spend my free time trying to trick you in such a way, because I have been very up front about my plans and always tell you when I plan on tricking or drugging you. I explicitly mentioned my plans, though I will admit it was in a vague, yet still discernable way, if you were really listening and not writing some report. Maybe, if you weren't so busy plotting Four's demise or slicking your hair back, you'd see having actual feelings isn't so bad. You might even enjoy them.

You're also being rather obnoxious over the whole thing. I fear Everly is worried you will be mad at her, and you might even blame her. Today, she was visibly upset, even at ME! and this should make you feel bad. You're being oddly standoffish toward the one person who could change your life, and trust me, no one cares if you're working or not. Or if anyone gets their serums. I promise, life will go on, but you'll likely die alone.

Anyway, I'm only emailing you back because I have some free time and I don't feel like listening to you yell over the phone. I told Everly's brother I'd test out his new beer, and I might even ship some to you. Oh, and even though you didn't even ask, I'm having a blast and see no real reason to return to Dauntless unless I can bring back the following: three cows (all bonded, cannot be separated for any reason) thirty-nine ducks (the fortieth will be a wedding present for you and your betrothed), two dozen squirrels, a bat with an injured wing I am rehabbing, a rabid squirrel for Arlene (I am optimistic and hopeful it will bite her), a slug that resembles Jeremy, several donkeys, [redacted] amount of fish, not for human consumption, and a single, cursed toad I found near the lake.

I await your not at all needed approval. I already submitted this to Harrison and he said fine, but he owes me a few favors so that's why he's agreeing. I plan on housing the animals near Four's apartment, or in his apartment if maintenance will let me in. I already copied his keycard, and let me tell you, he does not have an eye for home décor.

Anyway, don't forget to keep taking the vitamins. I'll see you in Amity, I'm sure. Gazing wistfully at the faction that could be under your fingertips, if only you'd give in to peer pressure and hold Everly's hand for three seconds.

Just think about it.

All my worst,

Rylan

The email that follows is much more to the point.

Hello Eric,

Sorry for the delay. I'm still working to ensure the serums are ready, but I do have another update for you. In response to what you sent in, I had it tested in the lab, including in two of our blind studies. The complex answer is the serum is not a singular version of anything we have, but a concoction designed by…well, I would assume, Rylan. In laymen's terms, he mixed the serums together to create what some would consider a love potion, and you've been ingesting them for an unknown amount of time. While there is no testing to determine if they work together, if you find yourself, I suppose "in love", I'd surmise it's the result of whatever he gave you. Depending on how much he's given you, it should wear off within a few days.

In short, Rylan isn't giving you vitamins, but there are some health benefits to the serums you've been ingesting. You are advised to discontinue them unless you're enjoying the feelings. I have no real proof if they have permanent effects, but they can cause some nausea or a mild headache in large amounts. I would advise not drinking anything he gives you for some time, and if the feelings worsen or you become angry or enraged, please reach out.

I'll get back to you on the other serums as soon as I have word. Oh, and would you mind asking Rylan if I can have the test tubes back? We're running low.

Much appreciation,

Damien

I freeze, my finger hovering over the delete button.

If you find yourself, I suppose, "in love" …

I was right.

Rylan was most definitely not ordering vitamins, and he was most definitely giving the serum to Eric via his morning coffee. The very serum I'd watched the scientist show us, possibly mixed into my own drinks. It would explain my sudden desire to make sure Eric stayed alive, though I probably would have worried about him regardless. If we had become friends on our own, I would have been concerned over how he was feeling or that he was sick. But he's hardly my friend, and at best he's my boss, and I doubt he's going to be thrilled with what Rylan has been giving him.

With a sigh, I set Eric's phone down, hoping the emails still show up and he's too sick to realize I've read them. I figure I should check on him, and the walk to the bedroom feels much shorter than before. Since no one has come looking for me, I decide I might as well brush my teeth and get ready for bed. The bedroom seems extra dark as I slink past the bed and into the bathroom, and once there, I take my time, trying to figure out what to really do.

In the morning, I can ask my mom to come by to look at Eric. There's a chance she might have something for him to take, or at the very least, something to help his sore throat. I could call his father, asking if he could send medicine, or maybe reach out to Harrison and see if Arlene can run over. While I wash my face, I wonder if Rylan could help, but now that I know what he's been doing, he'll lose his mind knowing Eric is here. I decide I'll start with my mom, and if she can't help, I'll reach out to Daniel next.

Satisfied with this idea, I head into the bedroom, knowing there are only a few things left to do.

The bedroom is freezing, but it probably feels good to Eric. I leave the fireplace off, guessing he's hot enough, but I close the window someone has cracked open. I mentally run through the list of doors that I'm sure are locked, then grab an extra blanket from the closet, and pause by the end of the bed. My plan was to sleep in the guest room, but the sight of Eric is worrisome. Even in the dark, he looks pale and sweaty. His hair is a mess, and when I sit down on the side of the bed, he kicks the sheets away with a groan.

Lit up by a faint glimmer of moonlight, his back is much more defined than I could have imagined. His arm has a dark tattoo of lines in a geometric pattern, and the waistband of his boxers is askew. He mumbles in his sleep before turning onto his back, and I swear my heart stops beating.

In my time in Dauntless, I was aware of who he was, and who he wasn't. I knew of Eric; our interactions were so minimal they amounted to nothing, but that didn't mean I was blind. He was good looking in a way that caught me off guard, because he was dangerous, and being entangled with him wasn't advised. Him being attractive made it all the worse. I'd witnessed others crumple before him, having crossed Eric in the wrong place and time, while he scoffed at them. The tone of his voice was a dead giveaway that someone had fucked up. It was so sharp that at first, you almost didn't notice the blood, but by the time you did, it was too late.

He'd let you bleed out in front of him, with a smirk on his face.

More than once, I'd witnessed him lean in, his eye widened in mockery, his lips pursed in amusement, and his forehead wrinkled in delight as someone messed up in their pursuit to one up him, or drunkenly hit on him thinking he'd accept.

He never did.

In his uniform, an armor of rough, black fabric, he was undeniably handsome and undeniably off limits. He kept his hair short, his skin free from the numerous piercings others preferred, and his eyes were always scanning the room. He was never unalert, and he was tall and broad enough that he was hard to miss. Like others, I'd heard rumors of what he would do if you caught his attention. One terrifying tale had him dangling a girl over the chasm simply for asking for a break, another had him strangling a trainer in cold blood simply because he could. He routinely made Four's life a living hell, and with the other Leaders willing to back him, no one could touch him.

There was no charm to Eric, no seductive looks thrown in anyone's direction, or affectionate glances when he thought no one was looking. There was nothing soft about him. I couldn't imagine sitting next to him, our fingers twisted together or his head against mine, nor could I imagine falling asleep beside him.

But I had.

I had sat beside Eric, his full attention on me, fueled by a hazy serum from a faction so uptight it needed to mass produce feelings. I had been inches from Eric, while his body beckoned me to lean in closer. I had sat with him while he looked at me curiously, and if given the chance, he'd have continued with whatever intentions he had.

I had stood before him while he examined my face, curiosity peeking through despite his attempts to hide it.

If anything, I had experienced an Eric no one else had, but it wasn't going to last.

Especially when he read the emails.

"Eric?" I half whisper his name as I tempt fate. "Are you okay?"

When he doesn't answer, I move close enough to touch his forehead. His skin is still hot beneath my palm, and my guess is he'll be sick for a few days. I lean in closer to make sure he's breathing, and I'm rewarded with his eyes blinking open. They are unfocused at first, then he shuts them and flings one hand up to rub his face.

"Where am I?"

"Amity. You came by to talk about the vote, but you weren't feeling great. You said you wanted to lie down." I answer quietly. The bed creaks as he kicks the sheet off him completely. "I'll get my mom in the morning. I think you might need to take something."

"Why the fuck am I in Amity?" He's graceless as he moves his hand, and his eyes find mine. He looks confused, but annoyance burns behind his stare. "What are you doing? Is this your house?"

"Johanna told me to stay here. And I'm…making sure you're okay."

"Why?" His question is biting, but his next one isn't. Eric sits up, and he towers over me. "What is going on? How did I get sick?"

"I don't know. It's been a few days. I came by to make sure you were alright." I pull away, removing my hands and settling back against the pillows. He watches me suspiciously, and either his fever has burned away the serum or he's finally figured out what he was drinking. "My guess is it's just a bug, but my mom might have something that can help. I'll go get her and have her look at you. Or…I can…call your dad and see what he thinks?"

"I have a meeting in the morning," Eric answers, his voice low and scratchy. "I have to get back. I don't know what is going on but –"

"It's snowing. I don't think you'll be able to drive. One of the farmers might be able to take you, but it's not likely to stop anytime soon."

Eric blinks at my answer, as numerous emotions flash across his face. His confusion gives way to discomfort, and when he unhinges his jaw, it's like the time I watched him snap at Four on a brief visit to the training room.

"It's not an optional meeting. I need to get back to Erudite."

"It's storming outside. You can try and leave but…" My answer dies on my lips as the wind picks up, slamming against the side of the house, and he realizes I'm telling the truth. His stare returns to my face, then he presses his mouth into a fine line.

"How long will it last?"

"I don't know." Caught off guard, I cross my arms and wait for him to bite my head off. I can't tell if I'm brave for not moving, or stupid. "Do you need anything? I found some aspirin."

"Yes." Eric nods curtly. He rubs his face with his hands, then looks right at me. "Are you sure it's just aspirin?"

"No, but it's all I have."

I slide off the bed to grab the bottle. I leave Eric by himself, ignoring the rush of fear through my veins. It's likely he's the Eric I first met, and not the one drinking coffee laced with serum. In the bathroom, I pour out two white tablets, grab a glass of water, and take a deep breath.

I knew this would happen.

What Rylan was doing wasn't going to last forever, and even he knew that.

When I return to the bedroom, Eric is waiting for me. He's sitting on the edge of the bed, silent and irritable. I stop before him, and when he looks at me, it's like he's never seen me before. He cocks his head to the side, and his shoulders lower when I hand him the glass of water. My fingers touch his palm when I give him the aspirin, and the two of us stare at each other. Behind him, the sky lights up only once, giving Eric a haunted glow as he swallows the medicine. He drinks the water in one gulp, then exhales heavily.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

When I touch the glass, I don't move away like I should. I think of every time I've stood close to him, the coffee in Erudite and the way I'd sat beside him while his father joined us, and I can't move. Out of everyone in Dauntless, I wish I knew Eric like I had. It's unlikely I ever will, because once he reads his email, he'll know exactly what Rylan was doing.

"Are you leaving?" Eric asks. When I look up, he's leaned in slightly, like he can't see me. "Or are you staying?"

"Do you want me to stay?"

I lean in, too.

There's a warm, buzzy connection between us, and it's not one created by a serum. I stand between his legs, unaware that I've inched closer as though my rightful place is with him. He's lowered his guard just enough that I'm not afraid, and when I finally take the glass away from him, his hand moves to my side.

His fingers press against my ribs, curling inward to stop me from retreating.

In the dark of the bedroom, carefully hidden away from the storm, Eric nods his head.

"Yes."

"Okay."

I agree to stay without any hesitation, and only the pulse pounding realization that this is really Eric, and I'm about to spend the night with him.

In the dark, Eric lies inches away from me, with his arm angled toward mine.

The threat of comfort is right there, but he keeps himself a careful distance away. I am still awake, having been unable to fall asleep next to him, for a million reasons.

The first was his close proximity.

Even though he was sick, it was nerve-wracking to lie beside him. He smelled good, rich and clean, and he was warm. Heat radiated from his body, and when I turned to face him, he blinked sleepily, and his mouth turned downward. His body was primed toward mine, but there was a restraint to him that I recognized from seeing him around Dauntless. He could easily have thrown his leg over me or given in to the desire to have someone take care of him, but he refused.

He eventually closed his eyes, and when he shifted, his hand touched mine.

I watched to make sure he was okay, and my inexperience at life was never more apparent. I inched closer to him, occasionally pressing my hand against his cheek or his forehead, and he'd sigh. I had no real clue how to take care of him, because this wasn't like making sure my siblings were alright or helping Zander when he woke up not feeling well. This was Eric. I found myself so close that I could rest my head on his chest, and so curious that I didn't back away even when I should.

This wasn't an ordinary act of bravery because I doubted anyone routinely slept beside Eric, nor even got this close.

I was hyper aware of him, but even more aware of how my own body reacted. I found myself drawn toward him until my body was nearly pressed against his, and my heart beat so fast you'd think I was about to jump off a roof.

When I was sure Eric was asleep, I let my hand touch his. I closed my eyes as my knees hit his legs, and my head fell forward. I figured I had a few hours of uninterrupted sleep before he woke up again, and I'd awaken the second he moved.

I gave in to the exhaustion, drifting off as the storm raged outside.

"Do you want more toast?"

My question is met with a cold stare and a weary nod. Across the table, Eric eats his breakfast with little enthusiasm. The aspirin wore off early this morning, so he'd taken more once he woke up. It was interesting to open my eyes to him shoving himself away from me. He walked to the bathroom, but quickly returned looking exhausted. When I didn't move, he laid down beside me, not quite as far away as the night before, and immediately fell back asleep. Hours later, I awoke to the storm worsening, Eric still sleeping, and figured I'd make breakfast.

He joined me dressed in someone else's shirt and his boxers. Eric watched as I handed him a plate and his stare was no longer amused or delirious from a serum. It was sharp, but unsure, and thick with disbelief.

I bet he never once pictured himself here.

"Are you feeling any better?" I hand him the plate of toast and butter, and he takes it as though I'm poisoning him. It looks better than what's served in Dauntless, but he blinks suspiciously. "You said Ashley gave you something. Do you remember what it was?"

"No."

He picks up a few pieces of toast, then wordlessly sets the plate aside. I made sure to cook enough that he'd eat, though I wasn't sure what he liked. I made eggs, bacon, toast, a few questionable looking pancakes, and coffee. Cooking was not my strong suit, so I hoped for the best and prayed he wouldn't come down with food poisoning on top of whatever he had. So far, he'd eaten most of it, but he was very quiet.

I wondered if he was used to eating alone, or he simply had nothing to talk to me about.

We had absolutely nothing in common.

Even half dressed, he looked like he was from Dauntless. He was immense. The shirt he'd picked was dark, and his hair was slicked back with water. It wasn't staying the way he liked it, but he didn't seem to have the energy to fight it. While he took a bite of his eggs, I took in the tattoo on his arm, stretching all the way down to his wrist. I didn't avert my stare when he looked right at me but smiled.

His response was a painful, tight lipped version of a sneer.

I was guessing he still felt like garbage. He sipped on the coffee while I took a few bites of my eggs, and when I set my fork down, he tilted his head.

"How long have I been here?"

"Not even a day. You showed up last night, and said Ashley gave you something." My answer is even, though I fail at not sounding bitter when I say her name. "I don't know what she gave you, but you were pretty out of it. You walked inside and fell asleep."

"I see."

Eric drinks his coffee slowly, then shuts his eyes. For a minute, he sits in silence, and the only sound is the occasional thump of snow falling, and the wind hitting the trees. I eat my breakfast quietly, and when I've finished my toast, Eric opens his eyes and rubs them.

"She gave me something to knock me out. She was upset that I was leaving, and she only offered to help when I was going to stop at the nurse." Eric looks right at me, and his expression is annoyed. "I don't remember driving here."

"I'm not surprised," I say. "She really doesn't like it when you leave, does she?"

"No, she doesn't." Eric's answer is terse, so I don't press the topic any further. I stand to grab him more coffee, wondering how Ashley got her hands on something to knock him out. "She's worried the next Leader won't want to keep her on as their assistant."

"Do you think they will?" I bring the coffee to the table, filling his cup without asking. I try to determine if I think he's eaten enough. "How do you feel now? Any better?"

It takes Eric a second to answer.

"It won't be my problem." He looks right at me, holding my stare for what feels like ages before he nods. "Yes, I do feel better. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I would just…take it easy for today. You might be able to leave tomorrow if it stops snowing, or…maybe the day after." I turn to look out the window, and I'm met with a wall of white. "Hopefully."

"Maybe," Eric mutters, sounding a million miles away.

His distraction is especially noticeable when he leans back in the chair, and his stare flits around the kitchen.

The house I'm staying in isn't half bad. It's too spacious for one person, but the furniture is nicer than expected. In the living room, the fire is roaring, and the couches have freshly washed blankets on them. The walls are wood, giving way to an open kitchen, large windows, and a table big enough for the family that theoretically would eat here.

Eric's gaze eventually returns to me. He chews on his cheek as I take his plate, and my only hesitation is to ask if he's done.

"Yeah, I think I'm going back to bed."

"That's a good idea. If it stops snowing, I'll see if I can walk to my parents' house." I grab my plate, too. "It's far from here, and it'll be impossible until the storm passes. But my mom will help you, and if she can't…I'll find someone else."

"I'm fine. I'll live for a few more hours." Eric's words are humorless, but when I glance up at him, he looks a little more alive than before. "You should stay inside."

"I will. I hope you feel better."

"Thanks."

There's an awkwardness to this moment, and it makes sense given I don't actually know him. I know the Eric who was high off the serum Rylan gave him, but I don't know this version of him. I watch as he heads back toward the bedroom, then busy myself washing the dishes. I wait until I hear the door shut, then an odd sense of calm hits me.

Despite him showing up on death's door, it feels a little too normal to have him here. It feels like I've lived this life with him before, and I already know how it ends.

I nearly drop the glass I'm washing as I picture him standing behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist and his nose in my hair, as Eric very quietly asks if I'm going to tell anyone else about our unborn child. It's not a memory or a vision, but it's so intense I drop the glass, and when it shatters, the feeling is gone.

The ghost of him lingers, along with the phantom sensation of my refusal to tell anyone our business, while I stared out this very window.

Right as the storm is at its worst, Eric joins me on the couch.

The house is old and drafty, and the only warm rooms are the ones with fires going. I sit with my feet pulled up beside me, lost in an email from Rylan. This one is for me, and I'm surprised I have enough reception to get it. I read it slowly, not wanting to miss anything, which makes Eric's presence a surprise.

He's spent most of the day sleeping, occasionally waking long enough to grab a snack or have some water. Now, he sits down close to me, as though there is not an entire couch on the side of him and leans back. Without thinking, I move the blanket to share, and when I sit back, I'm half against his chest.

"What are you reading?" Eric's voice is rough with sleep, and when I look up at him, his expression is exhausted. "Is that from Harrison?"

"No, it's from Rylan. It's a list of his ideas for the Winter Festival. Amity holds one each year and he wants to be in charge of this one. He's sent ninety-seven ideas he's come up with, including a Duck themed ice sculpture. Oh, three of them." I tilt my head to look up at him, and he glances down at me with a smirk. "I told him he could be in charge, but it's a ton of work."

"He won't care. He lives to celebrate…anything." Eric's stare drops, along with my stomach. He doesn't move away from me, but instead, his hand moves to my hair. He picks up the very ends, twisting it around his fingers. "He's very ambitious when it's something he's interested in."

"I see that."

It's suddenly hard to do anything more than stare at Eric. His cheeks hold a fair amount of stubble, and his hair is tousled from his nap. He's warm against my side, and unmoving when I smile.

"Did you like living here?" Eric's question catches me off guard, but so does the way he moves his free hand to move my hair out of my eyes. I nearly fall off the couch as he pushes it back farther, his brow wrinkling when it falls right back where it was. "It's quiet. I always pictured it to be loud."

"It is quiet. But no, I didn't like it. I might have if I stayed and lived on my own. It wouldn't have been the absolute worst, but…" I pause when he pulls his hand away, and he must realize what he's just done. He looks surprised at himself, and I half hope he does it again. "Eric, why did you send me flowers? Someone dropped off a bouquet and it said it was from you. The guy made sure I knew they were from you."

"I…" He stops to look above my head, then shakes his. "I wanted you to have them. You deserved them for coming here, so I had them sent to you."

"Did you send Four flowers? He went to Abnegation," I counter, trying hard not to laugh when Eric rolls his eyes. "They were really pretty. Thank you. I meant to ask you earlier and I forgot."

"Everly, do you know what Rylan has been doing?"

Eric's question makes my heart skip a beat. He waits until I nod, and his expression is unreadable.

"Um –"

"I read his email. I'm confident he gave you the same serum he gave me." Eric stops, and his eyes search mine. "I thought something was off. I had no fucking reason to be as invested in you as I was. I didn't even know you. And yet, all of a sudden, I was consumed by the thought of seeing you. Of giving you flowers, and making sure you were dressed properly," Eric murmurs. His voice is low and rich, and when I turn to really face him, he's oh so close. "I know what he did, and I know why."

"You stopped drinking it, didn't you?" I ask. "I thought he gave me something a few times, but he swore it was nothing."

"I stopped the day I saw you in Erudite. I knew something was off, but I had no clue what he'd ordered." Eric's hand moves to touch my arm, and his inhale is slow as he carefully strokes his finger over my skin. "You are pretty, I'll give him that."

I blink, not sure if I'm dreaming or Rylan has officially drugged me into a hallucinogenic state. "Eric –"

"Are you staying with me tonight?" Eric ignores my fumbling in favor of gazing at me, and I'm hit with how confident he truly is. There is no bullshit with him, no games or teasing, just a simple question spoken directly to me. "If you don't want to get sick, I understand. I don't even know how many bedrooms there are here."

"I'll stay with you."

My answer is immediate. I don't even bother to tell him there's probably four or five other bedrooms, nor am I worried I'll get sick. If I'm going to catch what he has, I've probably already come down with it. The idea of sleeping beside him is intoxicating, but even more so is the invitation.

"Good." Eric pulls away just enough to take hold of my face. His hands are hot as they press against my cheeks, and his smirk is familiar. His fingers curl beneath my jaw, craning my head upward, and his stare darkens. He tilts his head slightly, and his next words make my head spin.

"I'm looking forward to it."

I can't answer him.

I give in to the dream like pull of this rush, and find myself unable to move, even when someone knocks on the door, over and over, yelling that they need help.