Work Text:
DNA, Singapore - Feb 2023.
“No, I can't let you go
You're a part of me now
Caught by the taste of your kiss”
Howie was enjoying being of this side of the world; even after 30 years, it never failed to touch him. The cultures, the sites, and, oh my, the food. Howie Eatz at Hue in Singapore had been amazing. Great fans made it an interesting event – even though being ‘on’ was tiring having interesting people around made it go faster. The elephants on the wall provided conversation starters for some and the Tahi inspired food went over well with most fans. He hadn’t planned on the extra glass of wine as they were performing tonight but he felt just a little out of sorts. Even though it was all going well, something was missing. He felt drained, tired, running on empty ….. for no reason. He missed Leigh and his sons, but this seemed like something else flittering around the edges of his conscious thoughts. He missed…….
With a deep breath, lots of smiles and waves, his security got him headed back to their hotel. He had a couple hours before Meet & Greet began and he needed to center himself before that and concert start. After getting back in his suite; a quick hot shower and a brief video call with Leigh, James and Holdon should have made him feel better but the tickle of something missing grew stronger. Sighing heavily, Howie laid on the bed, closed his eyes, and the dream came.
*Howie felt the heat radiating off of Nick before he even woke up fully. His body shifted automatically to burrow against Nick’s long body; to wrap that heat around him. To drown himself in that physical strength. As he drifted towards consciousness, he could feel his breathing starting to sync with the younger blond, slowing the tension anxiety that had been crawling through him. Without opening his eyes, he pushed his face hard against Nick’s chest, breathing in his unique scent, and whimpered. “Its ok, D. I got you’, Nick said softly against his hair. Nick wrapped his arms tighter around Howie and slowly rocked, whispering comforting words against his hair. Long moments passed and Howie’s heart rate and breathing was completely in sync with Nick’s. The edge had been pushed back. Nick’s large hands slowly ran up and down Howie’s back. Petting him, cuddling him, comforting him. “Better?”, the question murmured near Howie’s ear. Nick’s hot breath making him shiver. “I think so” Howie whispered. “How did you know I was struggling?”. Nick barely chuckled, “oh Sweet D, You know we are all intertwined now. I felt your soul calling out”. Howie tried to curl up even smaller, embarrassment rising. “Oh no you don’t. It may be your time to struggle now; but you have been there for me so many times and I know I can count on you in the future” said Nick forcefully. He grasped Howie’s chin and tilted his head up. Gently his lips met Howie’s. A tender kiss. Howie finally opened his eyes, and brown meet blue. Howie’s breath caught in his throat. There was no disgust or disappointment in Nick’s eyes. No judgment that Howie was weak: just love shone there. Howie felt it fill him up and reached up to…….*
“Take my hand, take my life
Just don't take forever
And let me feel your pain kept inside”
A knock at the door woke Howie. He laid there a moment, half way between wake and sleep; almost expecting to reach out and find Nick there. Gathering his thoughts and pushing back the gnawing emptiness, he headed back to the shower to get ready for Meet & Greet Singapore. The need to touch Nick, to hold and be held by him growing by the moment.
All through sound check, Meet & Greet and concert prep, Howie kept glancing at Nick. Wanting, needing the comfort from his dream….from his memories. It had been a while since they had cuddled together; comforting each other. Between families on tour and a more consistent pull between Nick and Brian, there hadn’t been much time. And truly, not overwhelming want….. until today. Singapore pulling the need out in him. He flickered his heated glance over in Nick’s direction again and his breath stuttered as he locked eyes with him. For long moments their intense gaze held; dark brown locked into baby blue. Then Nick nodded and went seamlessly back to concert preparations. Howie felt a buried memory rise of interlocked fingers, gentle kisses, caressing hands and closed his eyes. 10mins came the call and the Backstreet Boys focused on each other, and becoming one – then heading to the stage. Showtime!
Throughout the show, muscle memory, preparation, experience set the pace. Song after song belted out to the delight of the crowd. BSB Army Singapore was out in force – another sold out show. Adrenaline running high in all of them, but Howie's was stilled laced with emptiness. Then it happened. Nick grabbed his hand and walked hand in hand with him. On stage. In front of thousands. Howie’s emotions ran between slight embarrassment and absolute happiness. Nick whispered, “I got you D”, and Howie’s breath caught as his dream flashed. The connection intact. He almost missed the cue for the next set. Nick just grinned.
“(Oh-yeah) There's gotta be a way
For you and I together now
Yeah-yeah, it's coming to get me
You're under my skin”
A couple hours later, sky blue eyes met chocolate brown eyes again. Just like in his dream, Howie was held tightly in the strong arms of Nick. Surround by heat and musk. Hearts and breathing as one. Howie felt that disturbing tickle of alarm, of anxiety, of emptiness start to fade. Nick was filling up his need for comfort, for contact, one steady heartbeat at a time. Nick’s hands slowly ran over Howie’s muscled back and he ghosted tender kisses over Howie’s face, his eyelids, his lips. Nick whispered, “Just sleep. I will hold you until you wake up”. No judgment. No demands. No expectations. Just a life time of pure unfiltered love, and Howie drifted off, knowing he was safe. Knowing that Nick would not leave until he woke, until he was filled, until he was loved…….
“And I don't wanna know
The reason why I
Can't stay forever like this”