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Careful What You Wish for
Having a chakra demon sealed inside of you whilst dating that chakra demon's natural enemy – or more accurately, dating someone who possessed the natural enemy of your chakra demon – could be quite annoying at times.
For all that Kurama had mellowed out throughout the years – though the fox demon would vehemently protest that fact and threaten to destroy Konoha if someone dared to besmear his good name like that – he hadn't been happy at all when he had realised that Naruto's 'obsession' as he loved to call it with Sasuke hadn't diminished at all. As a matter of fact, one might say it had grown worse – exceptionally worse if one were to ask Kurama. Worse to the point Kurama wished Kaguya had succeeded after all.
In other words, Naruto had started to date Sasuke and to say Kurama hadn't been happy with that must have been the understatement of the century. Naruto couldn't even count on both hands anymore how many times Kurama had tried to sneakily attack Sasuke by seeping out his own chakra. He had been foiled every time by Naruto, who'd taken immediate control over the chakra before it could have done more than slither through the air in Sasuke's direction. That had only led to Kurama sulking like a baby and truly, there was not a more ridiculous sight than seeing a gigantic, terror inducing fox demon pouting because he couldn't get his way.
After getting together with Sasuke, Naruto spent weeks acting as a referee between his boyfriend and his bijuu. Because for all that Kurama was good at aggravating Sasuke, the last Uchiha also excelled at needling the demon fox until he exploded. Naruto wanted to compare them to a cat and a dog forced together, but the truth was that even a cat and a dog wouldn't be this dead set on annoying the hell out of each other.
Still Naruto was nothing if not determined to get two of the most important people – beings, whatever – in his life to get along with each other no matter what he had to do! And now after a year of intense refereeing, he could finally say –
What if we use fire? Kurama suggested idly; one of his tails flicking back and forth. Until the cockroach turns into ash.
"It would finish him off too quickly," Sasuke dismissed the idea, staring coldly down at the poor trembling sod who had just made the biggest mistake of his life. "Fire wouldn't make him suffer long enough."
That's true, Kurama said thoughtfully. His gaze flicked to Sasuke once before he fixated it on the silently crying guy again. What about those fancy black flames of yours? They do more damage?
"Amaterasu? While it will make him suffer a lot more, it'll be over far too quickly again," Sasuke replied. "Amaterasu's flames are a lot hotter than regular fire and I can direct where they should go, but it would still be over far too quickly even if I let them spread as slowly as possible."
No fire then, Kurama concluded and cocked his head to the right, licking his fangs. I want to gouge out his eyes, but then he wouldn't be able to see anymore what we're planning on doing to him. It's always more fun to see the terror in their eyes when you pick them apart.
"On the other hand," Sasuke said idly, running his thumb slowly across his katana's blade, "if he can't see what we're going to do, that will amplify his terror even further because he won't be able to anticipate anything anymore."
I do like the way you think, Kurama said approvingly. You're going to gouge them out with your katana or a kunai? Or I can do it with my claws. Want to test how sharp they are still after shattering those boulders.
After a long year of playing referee Naruto could finally say that Kurama and Sasuke had become better at getting along, except in the completely wrong way. He was absolutely all for them getting along better, but did they really have to bond over torturing and killing enemies out of everything they could possibly bond over?!
"Or we simply don't gouge out any eyeballs and we dump him in prison, how about that?" Naruto suggested exasperatedly and threw his arms up. "Why do you both have to be so damn violent about this?"
Both Kurama and Sasuke turned their heads to him in unison, which meant that Kurama had to twist his all the way down from where he'd been hovering above Naruto.
"He deserves everything that's coming to him after what he tried to do to you," Sasuke promised darkly; his Sharingan swirling until it settled into his Mangekyou form.
I know you're all for that forgiveness crap, kit, Kurama sneered, but that cockroach had you sedated and was about to slit your throat. He wasn't about to show you any mercy, so why should we show him any?
"Who said I was going to forgive him?" Naruto scowled, because of course he hadn't forgotten that the guy had been about to cut his throat open right before Sasuke had blasted apart the cave.
This wouldn't have been his first murder either; the brown haired man was only known as J and had been going around, abducting shinobi – usually possessing a Kekkei Genkai or noteworthy for other skills – in order to kill them and take their chakra and skills for himself. He had already murdered at least six shinobi as far as the villages were aware and had become a true force to be reckoned with. When Gaara had picked up the rumour that J was heading for Konoha next, he'd rushed to inform Kakashi about it.
With no way of knowing who J exactly would target, Kakashi had rallied together everyone in Konoha that might present a target for the rogue shinobi: Kakashi himself of course, but also Tsunade, Neji, Yamato, Ino, Kurenai and Naruto. Except by the time they had started gathering everyone in the Hokage's office, J had already made his way into the village and had found Naruto, who'd been about to leave his apartment. The fight between them had been brutal, leaving barely anything whole in the apartment, and had only ended when J had got lucky, managing to stab Naruto with a sedative right before he had been about to smash J's head through the wall.
When Naruto had regained consciousness, he had found himself with his limbs tied, still woozy and weakened from the sedation used on him, and the sharp tip of a kunai already digging into the side of his throat, sinking easily through the skin. Before J had been able to completely drag the kunai to the other side, the sedation had worn off completely, Kurama had burst forth and the cave's walls had exploded thanks to Sasuke's Susanoo.
J might have killed several strong shinobi before, but he clearly hadn't been a match for an enraged bijuu and an equally enraged Uchiha. If Naruto hadn't been pissed about having been abducted and sedated, he would almost have pitied J for getting the shit beaten out of him so easily. By the time Sasuke had taken a step back and Kurama had paused his onslaught, J had turned into a trembling, groaning, snotty and bloody mess. Both his legs had been broken so badly, splinters of the bones were visible, mangling the skin and muscles, ensuring that he wouldn't be able to make a run for it. Kurama had taken pleasure in snapping J's fingers one by one until they were crooked and twisted, making it impossible for him to hold any kind of weapon.
His own kunai kept him pinned against the ground as if his mangled legs weren't enough of a deterrent already. Naively Naruto had thought Kurama and Sasuke were done extracting their revenge, but of course he should have known better. There was no way either of those two would back down and now they were discussing basically obliterating J's existence from earth while the guy was forced to listen to them, not having been granted the peace of unconsciousness.
"He's wanted in several villages, I think the Kage there would like to have their own turn with him," Naruto continued.
Mei especially had been furious to find out that two of the victims had belonged to her village. She usually remained quite calm, unless someone reminded her of her single status, but this time she'd been so outraged that according to some witnesses she'd actually destroyed her own office before her assistants had managed to calm her down.
Naruto really did not want to be in J's shoes if Mei got her hands on him. Then again, he considered with a grimace as he stared at the bloodied pieces of bones stick through blue mottled flesh, perhaps Mei would be a blessing compared to dealing with both Kurama and Sasuke.
I think they would be more than happy to hear he's completely finished, Kurama said casually, chakra seeping out to form dangerously sharp claws. We'll give them what's left after we're done.
"You already fucked him up pretty good," Naruto pointed out. "I doubt he'll ever regain full use of any of his limbs after you two were done with him. He might as well be miserable for the rest of his life."
"Compelling argument, but I'm not feeling very inclined to let him go," Sasuke said coldly. "Who says he's not going to try anything in the future?"
Naruto gestured wildly at the man. "With the way he looks?! Like you two weren't thorough when you aimed at his limbs!"
We can always rip them off completely, Kurama suggested; his eyes gleaming. That'll make it completely impossible for him to try anything ever again.
"That would be a good solution," Sasuke agreed thoughtfully. "He won't be able to do anything then."
"You know, when I told you two you should find something to bond over, I didn't mean you had to bond over being bloodthirsty maniacs," Naruto complained. "Can't you both just go back to detesting each - "
A hideous snarl was the only warning they got before J threw himself at Naruto with a crazed look, ripping himself free and using one of the kunai to aim straight for Naruto's throat. His eyes widened almost comically when he came to an abrupt stop, forced to a halt by the katana shoved straight through his chest and a large chakra claw burying itself into his stomach. The orange red chakra crackled and hissed, steam rising up as Kurama ripped his intestines open with a snarl of his own. Some of the intestines slipped out of the gaping hole, splattering onto the ground with a disgusting wet sound.
J's eyes were already glazed over when Sasuke pulled his katana away, letting him crumble down to the ground.
It was quiet for a moment.
That slimy cockroach couldn't even let us have our fun, Kurama huffed annoyed. Told you we should have tied him down completely!
"Or you could have destroyed his hands completely," Sasuke retorted silkily, shaking off the excess blood on his katana. "That way he couldn't even have removed the kunai in the first place."
Naruto tugged at his hair. "How the hell am I going to explain this to Kaka-sensei?!" he bemoaned. "He was planning on interrogating him, wasn't he?"
"Simple, he tried to attack you again, we acted in defence," Sasuke said, calming down significantly now that the threat was entirely gone. "I'm not sure if he really expected another outcome."
"Not with you two around," Naruto muttered darkly.
Truthfully, however, he couldn't say he was really upset about the guy's death. He had killed at least six other people and had tried to kill Naruto twice just now. The fact that he had actually been stupid enough to try again after having experienced the brunt of Sasuke's and Kurama's wrath just now was honestly amazing – and not in a good sense. After that stunt he really had had it coming. If he hadn't been so stupid, he might have got away with just a prison sentence. Now he was dead.
You should have let me take care of him before he even had a chance to sedate you, Kurama berated him, clicking his tongue. You wouldn't have been in this mess then!
"Letting you take care of him completely would have meant having no home at all anymore!" Naruto shot back. "The landlord's still pissed off at me because we ended up destroying the wall in the living room during the last incident."
Which in no shape or form had been his fault! What had his landlord expected him to do when a group of missing-nin had broken into his apartment and had tried to attack him? To ask them to please take it outside?
"You could move in with me and then you wouldn't have any problems with the landlord anymore," Sasuke said and it took a couple of seconds before the magnitude of the proposal actually registered in Naruto's mind.
He gasped and pointed at Sasuke, who tsk'd and slapped it away. "Are you seriously asking me to move in with you when we're still standing next to a goddamn corpse?! Where's your sense of romance?!" he shrieked dismayed.
"You're the one bringing up your landlord," Sasuke retorted. "I'm giving you another option. So what will it be?"
"Was it too much to ask to not ask me that when there's a dead body next to us, though?" Naruto pouted.
Don't know why you're putting up such a fuss, kit, Kurama said boredly. You've been wanting to move in with him for months now. It's not like he's asking you to get married, thank the gods for that.
Sasuke's eyes positively glittered as Naruto's cheeks started heating up. "So you've been wanting to move in with me for months now, hm?" he smiled teasingly, sheathing his katana and stepping around J's dead body to pull Naruto flush against him.
That's my cue to leave before you two turn even more disgusting, Kurama announced to nobody in particular and sank back into Naruto, curling up in his private space. He closed his eyes ostensibly. I am going to sleep and do not wish to be disturbed at all.
"I didn't tell you to come out and play, now did I?" Naruto grumbled, but his attention was soon diverted by a pair of lips pressing against his own.
By the time they pulled away, Naruto was panting and his mouth felt swollen. "What was that for?" he asked breathlessly.
Sasuke sounded entirely too smug when he stated, "We're going to move in together."
"I didn't even say yes yet!"
"Oh, so spending months wanting to move in together isn't you saying yes?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, now you start listening to the old fluffy bastard," Naruto muttered with a huff, ignoring Kurama's less than subtle jab of his tail. "How come you two get along so well if it means screwing with me?"
"I would really hope I'm the only one screwing you," Sasuke said dryly at the same time Kurama simulated gagging. "He and I have just reached a mutual understanding, that's all."
"And that mutual understanding has to include fucking up other people?" Naruto sighed and pursed his lips when Sasuke's hand reached up to cup his cheek.
"Only when they dare to hurt you," Sasuke murmured and pulled him in for another kiss as rain softly started to drizzle down, muting the stench of blood.
Naruto easily sank into the kiss, linking his arms around Sasuke's shoulders.
He supposed there was a reason why they said that you should be careful what you wished for. Really, though, how was he supposed to know that his bijuu and his boyfriend would bond over bloodshed of all things!
…
He would just stop wishing for things. Yeah, that might be the safest for everyone.
The End