Work Text:
1.
Charles didn’t know where he was and what was happening. the family doctor - doctor Essex - was there, as well as a man he didn’t recognize, and…
“papa! what’s happening?” he cried - his papa would never do this, he was always so sweet to him, there must be some reason.
but it was ignored. “Kurt! i need the anesthesia” he barked.
“lets not waist it, she wont remember anyways” a simple response. then, and only then, did his father look at him.
“you’ll be alright, Victoria”
“i’m scared papa”
“you’ll be alright”
“i love you”
“you’ll be okay”
Charles definitely wasn’t okay - but he did forget. his father aided Sinister’s experiments on him many times, and wiped his mind after each one. even as Charles got those memories back, he never knew what or what they wanted - but the only thing he wanted to do was search for the answer of why his father would do that to him.
he would never find out.
2.
Charles’ mother was never the same after Brian died - neither was he. he used to be closer to his mother than anything, but recently he’d been terrified of messing up around her - of, well, doing anything around her.
though, for Charles, screwing up was inevitable. His mother was livid with him, and he wasn’t even sure what for. He was used to her screaming and throwing things at him at this point, but what he wasn't used to was her falling to her knees and sobbing into her hands. his little heart broke. All he wanted to do was hug her, but he knew she was too mad at him and would just shove him off. So, he carefully walked up to her, his eyes glued to the ground.
“i’m sorry, mommy. i love you” he whispered
she sniffled and looked up at him. mascara was running down her cheeks, and for a moment, there was a softness in her eyes before the madness returned.
“well i don’t love you”
3.
Raven and Charles had always been close. not close in the sense that he would tell her about his sexuality, and definitely not in the sense that she would cry in his arms - they were both too tough for that, of course - but in the sense that they hugged and laughed and learned from and with each other.
every “i love you, be safe, be home before dark”
was met with a “yeah yeah, i know”.
she was never home before dark, and she was never very safe - but she did love him. she just didn’t find it necessary to say.
and luckily, it didn’t hurt Charles’ feelings - at least, not nearly as much as his parents had - but when Raven was gone, he could only think of those lost times, never really sure if Raven did actually love him.
4.
Sand and blood painted his back as he lay breathless in Moira’s arm’s, watching the one man he loved more than anything walking away without a second thought about him.
damnit, no, god no, he’d lost too many loved ones, shed too many tears - he was determined to hold onto Erik, but he was just leaving. and the only person Charles could blame for that was himself.
‘i love you’ he projected, though he knew it wouldn’t get through that fucking helmet. ‘I love you, Erik, I love you so much’ he tried and tried and tried. ‘come back to me, please come back.’ he couldn’t say it outloud, not when Moira was cradling him like something precious - but he couldn’t give up, either.
his attempts, of course, were fruitless. Erik left, and Charles doubted he thought about the effect that would have on him. he couldn’t help but think about his mother - depressed and miserable, a dreadful person to be around, a woman who drank herself to her grave - he was desperate not to turn into that person. That, of course, was another usless venture.
5.
however, those years of depression passed. Erik and Raven cane and went from his life every so often, students passed through and grew up in the blink of an eye - but there was always one person beside him through it all; Hank McCoy.
that is, until he ruined Jean’s life. the aftermath of the phoenix was not a pretty one, and Charles’ entire family was at a consensus that they no longer needed him - much less wanted him - and so he left the school to Hank. Hank, who he was sure still hated him for what he did to Raven. Charles truly believed that he would never get over that sickening guilt, the horrible fact that he was responsible for Raven and Jean’s death. nonetheless, it was… disappointing, that he couldn’t stay and try to fix his mistakes. that Jean and Scott had forgiven him, yet Hank couldn’t look at him. he hadn’t had any time to grieve for the loss of his sister and a student who may as well have been his daughter - not to mention, the entire rest of his family - before he retired.
he called Hank the first night he landed in Paris. he didn’t pick up, but Charles left a message.
“Hank, my dearest friend. i just wanted to say that i love you, and that if you ever need anything, i would love to hear from you. please, take care of yourself.”
there was no response.
1.
he never could have imagined he’d be with Erik, but, well, here they were. curled up on bed on a beautiful moring, in the most romantic city in the world. he always thiught Erik hated him - he could have never imagined he’d want anything like this. however, he was much too selfish to let it go. he’d lost so much, he deserved to hold Erik, to love and worship him - didn’t he?
if Erik wanted, Charles would even be his servant, just to have a home again, to have someone to belong to for once in his life - to pretent he could be loved. but, if he truly meant what he said the night before, Erik wanted him for him. not his body, not his money, not his name, not his school - him. his laugh, his mind, his heart.
as he traced the scars on Erik’s back in the early morning, the words swam in his mind and settled on his tongue. he’d been holding them back for thirty years - he could use his voice now, so why stop?
“i love you, Erik” he whispered. he wasn’t expecting a response - partially because assumed he he was asleep, and partially because that just wasn't how it worked for Charles.
but Erik was very awake, simply basking in the warmth of his lover.
“i love you too”