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It started when Steve picked up Dustin and Mike from their dnd club one day, he stuck his head inside of the old drama room and saw him, the most beautiful man Steve had ever laid eyes on. He was speaking loudly and energetically, waving his hands and shaking his long curly hair. He drew all the attention in the room and held it effortlessly. Steve was hooked. The familiar fluttering sensation in his heart and the butterflies in his stomach made it immediately obvious, he knew he had a crush on his kids dungeon master.
When he got the two boys in the car Dustin instantaneously started rambling about Eddie, the name bouncing around Steve's head like a ping pong ball. The whole drive home Steve listened closer than he ever had, hearing Dustin ramble about how smart Eddie was for all these intricate campaigns and how fucking cool he was. Normally Steve would've been jealous but after seeing this Eddie guy he couldn't be more interested. Steve thought about Eddie for the rest of that night, and if Eddie showed up in his dream that night? That was his business alone.
Steve didn't see Eddie for a while after that, he ended up working most night that hellfire was on and on the few nights he did pick up the kids, they were already outside when he got there. It seemed like the universe was against him getting to know Eddie.
~~~
The next time Steve heard Eddie's name was when Dustin stormed into family video demanding to set up 'home base'
"Maybe you should spend less time trying to find a girlfriend, and more time trying to find Eddie!" Dustin yelled, if only he knew how every time Steve saw someone with curly brown hair his eye was instantly drawn. If only he knew about the time Eddie had come into family video and Steve nearly forgot how to breathe. If only he knew how much Steve wishes he could've been looking for Eddie all this time. If only.
~~~
The next time Steve saw Eddie was in Reefer Rick's boathouse. Before Steve could blink there was a broken bottle against his neck and those tell-tale butterflies were back. Eddie was glaring up at him and Steve was trying his hardest to keep his thoughts PG as Dustin calmed Eddie down and reassured him Steve was there to help. he found himself wishing he could be pushed against that wall in different circumstances- but ending that thought there! They had other shit to deal with first.
Between all the worry and the unrequited pining Steve felt stretched to his limit, so he decided, at least for now, he could focus on the worry. He had kids to worry about and a world to save. He could pine later. He sat down and rubbed his neck, getting a worried look from Robin.
'Fuck, she knows' was his first thought, but no, she couldn't, right? It was too soon to tell her.
"You ok?" She whispered
And Steve could barely manage a squeak when he answered, "yeah-"
The world. That was his focus. Saving. The. World.
~~~
At least thats what he thought, until Eddie leaned towards him in a stolen motor home, only a few inches from his face and called him 'Big Boy'. The butterflies came back worse than ever and Steve only wished he could grab Eddie by that stupid vest and kiss him senseless. But world-saving. That was the priority right now. The world. Not his stupid crush. Saving the God damned world. Again.
~~~
Steve found it harder and harder to function normally as he spent more time with Eddie, and Robin had definitely noticed now, she knew he was queer but now she was sending him questioning looks every time he stared for a bit too long, which happened far more often than he'd like to admit. Every time Eddie laughed Steve's heart skipped a beat. Every time he heard Eddie's voice his attention was caught. He was fucking obsessed.
When Eddie had gone missing from the boathouse Steve's heart dropped into his stomach. He couldnt bear the thought of losing Eddie, not now. Not ever. And when they found him at skull rock Steve got flashbacks to all the girls he had taken there and could only wish they were Eddie. Maybe he could take Eddie later.
When Steve was getting ready to jump into the frigid lake, he glanced down and saw Eddie's eyes trailing down his torso, so he took a chance, he flung his shirt at Eddie, watching as he choked on his own breath for a minute. Steve smiled to himself before jumping into the water.
~~~
When Nancy bandaged up his waist, Steve caught Eddie staring once again, but this time he felt shameful, what if Eddie thought he was ugly with his wounds? But the look on Eddie's face suggested otherwise, he seemed like he was mesmerized. That was until, he locked eyes with Steve and immediately turned bright red resulting in his denim vest being thrown at Steve's head
"for your modestly dude" Eddie said, although his eyes were clearly not on Steve’s face, instead seemingly set on his blood-coated pecs.
As Steve wrapped the vest around himself Eddie's scent enveloped him wrapping him in a net of safety and comfort. The scent of cigarettes, weed, and musk was never something Steve would have found comforting until it became associated with Eddie. Now Steve wished he could bottle the smell and spray it on everything he owned. BUT ANYWAYS- WORLD SAVING!!
Steve managed to fight off his feelings for about 20 minutes, until Eddie apperantly decided that was over and invaded Steve's personal space again.
"It was really metal, what you did."
Steve's heart swelled a size. metal? Coming from a metalhead? Coming from Eddie?! Steve had never felt more like a king than in that moment. After that he couldn't help his eyes from sliding to Eddie's lips every time they got close, his feeling were too overwhelming to keep down, but thankfully they were one step closer to the whole world saving thing.
~~~
The worst bout of butterflies came when he saw Eddie and Dustin play-fighting instead of assembling weapons. His heart physically hurt as he watched Eddie pull Dustin in and make him promise to never change. Not for the first time, Steve wished he could grab Eddie by the collar and kiss him until he forgot his own name. But yet again, not the time. Robin threw him another look but instead of brushing her off, Steve slowly nodded before turning his attention back to the other boys, who were now wrestling in the grass again, weapons long discarded.
~~~
"Hey Steve?" Steve turned instantly, he felt like Eddie was looking into his soul. Like he could see him from the inside out. Like Eddie was picking him apart peice by peice just to see what made him tick. This seemed like the moment, Eddie seemed like he had something to say, maybe he felt the same? Maybe he was going to con-
"Make him pay." Was all Eddie said, and Steve could only nod. His own confession creeping its way up his throat. After. Not now. After. After they killed Vecna he could confess. But for now, he turned away and set their plan in motion.
~~~
Dustin's screams rang through the red sky and Steve's heart dropped, he didn't know who Dustin was screaming for, himself, or Eddie? So Steve ran. He dropped his axe on the vine-covered ground and ran as fast as he could. Steve froze when he saw them, Dustin slumped over Eddie's unmoving body and scream crying into the nothing. Steve fell to his knees beside Dustin and held the boy as tight as he could. He wasn't able to hold back his own tears as he stared into Eddie's lifeless eyes and watched any possibility of a future drain out of them. He would never get to kiss him, never get to take him for dinner, never get to show him his favourite songs and dance under moonlight. But overall, he would never get to properly love him. All his hopes rushed down the drain and he clutched Dustin's shoulders and stared at Eddie. He sobbed when he carried Dustin through the gate, leaving Eddie's body behind.
"We have no choice, none of us can carry him or Dustin" Nancy had said, choking back her own tears.
Steve cried as he drove to his house, Robin's comforting hand on his shoulder the whole time. He cried as she held him in his bed.
"I think I love him. I love him. I thought it was just a crush, I'm in love Robbie" he cried into her shoulder, knowing that it grossed her out but they both needed the comfort more than anything now. She kissed the top of his head and squeezed him tighter.
"I should have told him sooner, maybe he would've run." His whole body shook with sobs now, his breath thin and face wet.
"Its not your fault Steve" Robin muttered. "You couldn't have known."
"why did I let him go? I shouldn't have let him go"
"You didn't know. Sometimes you don't know until they're gone." Robin's voice made it evident she was crying too, she had gotten close with Eddie over the past few days as well. She knew the pain.
"I love him. But- but I let him go"