Chapter Text
“But how are you really Dio?” JoJo jumped from the bench, his Coke spilling onto the concrete below. “I-I thought Jotaro killed you years ago!”
It was obvious that JoJo had never seen the mountain of a man before, even though his nephew seemed like an expert on all things Dio. But Tobey was more focused on the fact that the blond behemoth was apparently killed before. Was he like Diavolo, where he just respawned each time he died?
Dio cackled and dramatically posed in response, his freshly-manicured fingers covering his face.
“Yes, it is I, Dio Brando!” The man spoke in an obnoxious British accent, and Tobey realized that there was no better accent for the grand master of all things evil to have.
“But that doesn’t answer my question! Jotaro told me he killed you with his Stand. In fact, it’s one of the few things he talks about other than dolphins.” The skateboarding pompadour placed his hands on his hips, lips pursed in confusion. Tobey could almost see the gears attempting to spin in his head to figure this one out.
“Because I am Dio, and…”
“Yeah, you just said that. Man, I guess living for over 200 years really melts your brain after a while.” The spidery hero stared at his boyfriend. Was he really going to roast Dio like that after his extended speech about just how sinister the man was? Even Giorno seemed a bit surprised, and Tobey saw the Italian mutter ‘Idiot’ under his breath.
“How dare you interrupt me?! If your generation had an attention span longer than a few seconds, perhaps you would have realized that me being Dio did answer your question. I am Dio, the sworn enemy of not only Jonathan Joestar but the entire Joestar clan. So long as you pathetic Stand-users exist, so too do I! With my might and dashing good looks, I will forever reign as the baron of evil until your family tree is stamped out!” The dictator of dread looked like he wanted to talk further, but he thankfully stopped himself. Though Tobey was used to extended villain monologues from his years as Spider-Man, it was normally to talk about their evil inventions or their overly complicated plans, not to boast about how hot they were. Tobey also began to zone out when Dio’s inner Boomer began to show with his talk of ‘JoJo’s generation.’ British and a Boomer? No wonder he was such a threat, Tobey realized.
Although Tobey wasn’t exactly happy to have his time with JoJo and Giorno be crashed by a walking pectoral muscle, he was still wary of the amount of raw power he felt radiating from the man. With each new pose, a new wave of energy emerged like his flexing was somehow powering himself further. So, he put on his best customer-service voice from his time as a pizza delivery boy and slowly approached Dio.
“M-Mr. Dio?” The golden god seemed surprised by Tobey’s voice like he had just realized he was there.
“Ah, I see there is another outsider amongst you. You know, Josuke — since you seem to know nothing of my time on this earth — your nephew once dragged several outsiders into his family matters. It was such a pleasure to blast a hole through one of their chests.” Dio stared down at Tobey, and he felt himself grow unsettled as he realized just how tall the man truly was. Wait, was it really a good idea to walk up to him when he didn’t even know what his Stand was? Or if he had a Stand? But, before he could decide that this indeed was not a good idea, he had already gotten Dio’s attention.
“Well, um, I’m JoJo’s boyfriend, so I don’t think I’m an outsider in this. So, if you’re here to settle anything with JoJo or Giorno, you’ll also have take me on.” Tobey tried to sound confident even as his knees began to tremble, but he wasn’t sure why. He was able to take down Doc Ock and all of his tentacles with no worries, Venom without breaking a sweat. Was this one guy really all it took to shake him?
“Exactly! Just like that song ‘Take On Me’!” JoJo raised a triumphant fist in the air, but Dio, despite his accelerated age, didn’t seem to get the reference.
“And, yeah, he’s with me,” JoJo wrapped his arm around his love spider. “So if you want to blast a hole through his chest, you’ll have to go through me.” Tobey sincerely hoped that Dio wasn’t planning on doing that. He quite liked his chest being whole and not torn apart.
“Try as you may to confuse me, puny mortals, it will be to no avail! Thank whatever pathetic gods you believe in that I am not here to enact my almighty vengeance against the Joestars for taking my perfect body from me.” Oh right, Tobey almost forgot about the whole ‘flying, decapitated head stealing a body’ thing. It has been several weeks since Giorno’s generational recap of the history of the Joestar bloodline, and the spidery hero found it challenging to remember every minute detail.
“Wait, what are you doing here then?” JoJo glared up at Dio.
“I heard that one of my progeny had temporarily relocated to this….” Dio looked around at the surrounding buildings, “quaint city, and I just so happened to be in the area.”
“Is that actually why?” The human pompadour squinted in suspicion. Dio didn’t seem like the type of guy to ‘just so happen’ to know exactly where to find the trio. Unless he searched every nook and cranny of New York City until he stumbled upon them, it was hard to imagine that this wasn’t planned somehow.
“Is it really so preposterous that a father would want to see his son?” Dio placed a hand on his chest in apparent hurt. “Although, given your bloodline’s track record with fathers, it wouldn’t be shocking if you thought so.”
“Well, considering that you’re, you know, you, I think it’s weird.”
“Enough of you! Now…” Dio was silent for a moment before staring at his palm that was smudged with marker, “Giorno, my beloved son. Come to your father!”
“Did you seriously forget his name?!” Tobey tried to channel all of the rage Aunt May would be feeling if she knew about this parental atrocity. He turned to the Italian teen, who seemed more amused at the situation than anything.
“Giorno, is this your first time meeting Dio?”
Giorno nodded. “I’ve never seen him before in my life. Well, not outside of this, at least.” He opened his leather wallet, still stuffed to the brim with hundred-dollar bills, and pulled out a Polaroid photo of a shirtless Dio flexing menacingly. The genetic star-shaped birthmark on his back and the scar on his neck indicated that this wasn’t his original body. Well, even if he thought Mr. Jonathan’s body wasn’t as perfect as his original one, he sure seemed to enjoy it, Tobey thought.
“Wait, gimme that.” JoJo grabbed the photo. “Jotaro told me that my father has the exact same picture! How many of these did you make? And what’s with that pose?”
“No more questions!” Now Dio seemed enraged, his aura growing so strong Tobey thought it would choke out the few people left in the skatepark.
“Now, Giorno, you should be thankful that I have decided to meet you in person. No other of my progeny has met my expectations.” He extended a muscular hand that was the size of Tobey’s head.
“I have siblings?” That seemed to catch Giorno’s attention, but the spidery skater wasn’t sure if he was terrified or excited at the prospect of having them.
“Of course! No genius works without a contingency plan. Although my vampiric nature keeps me both ageless and eternally beautiful, it would take even more centuries for me to assert my dominion over this planet. My reach only goes so far. Thus, I knew I needed someone by my side, someone of superior might and intellect. And who better than someone of my own blood?” Giorno smiled at that, his own belief of his superiority over others being reinforced.
“However, I knew any mortal womb would surely sully whatever child came from it, so I decided to create my scion across the world: Italy and Florida!” Dio stretched out his arms.
“Huh? That’s only two places, though, not the whole world.” JoJo cocked his head in confusion.
“Airfare was much more expensive than I thought it would be. But, no matter. Giorno, I’ve heard of your many conquests in Italy. Even I must admit how impressive that is at your young age.”
“I wouldn’t exactly call them ‘conquests,’ but go on.” Giorno seemed intrigued at Dio's praise, as though he was analyzing every word to get at some potential hidden motive behind them.
“I believe your work with Passione is an excellent stepping stone toward your glorious dominion over this planet. And, by your, I mean mine!” The British brute cackled, nearly salivating at the thought of ruling the world.
“My goal is to reform this world, not rule it. I urge you not to think that I am some violent menace, father.” The ‘father’ was strained like the word was foreign to Giorno.
“You say that, and yet you seem to brutalize anyone who goes against you.” The teenager immediately went pale.
Dio grinned, flashing his vampire fangs. “That’s right. My loyal agents observed how you handled that pathetic mob boss.”
“Th-that’s different.” Giorno looked down, grinding his shoes into the concrete. “I didn’t… I wasn’t trying to….”
“Fret not. It is that exact instinct that I can train, concentrate. It will be your greatest strength, our greatest strength, Giorno!” Dio began to step toward Giorno, and Tobey and JoJo immediately took action, moving in front of Giorno and stretching their arms out to assert dominance.
“Hey, back off!” JoJo shouted at Dio.
“Yeah, leave him alone!” Tobey glared at the vampire, but the man only smirked in response.
“This doesn’t concern you two, so I think you should scurry back to whatever sad, pathetic hole you crawled out of. Now, my child, what do you say?”
Giorno looked lost in thought, and everything in Tobey hoped that he would say no. How could he and JoJo claim to be responsible guardians if they couldn’t stop the teen from choosing the dark side?
“It’s an interesting proposition, father.” Giorno tapped his chin, his golden hair tubes shimmering in the sunlight. “But I’m afraid that I must refuse. Our methods are a bit too different for any partnership to work. I’d rather stay with these two.”
“Awww, I knew you had it in you!” JoJo launched himself into the teen, pulling him into a tight embrace that Giorno expertly squirmed his way out of, pushing his fellow Stand-user aside.
“This isn’t an ask, son. It’s a demand!” With a frightening, British screech, Dio stepped forward, the ground emitting an ominous ‘do do do do’ as he walked. But, right as he noticed JoJo and Tobey beginning to stand in V-formation in front of Giorno, he suddenly stopped.
“The World!” He shouted, and a large, golden Stand appeared behind him. Tobey felt himself begin to shiver at the thought of having to fight a Stand-user, but JoJo looked over and took his hand, instantly reassuring him. With his boyfriend by his side, the spidery hero began to wonder if they had a chance against Dio, especially if all three of them used their powers at once. However, he never got to figure it out, as Dio vanished from sight, and when the lover spiders turned around, Giorno was gone too.
“What?! Where did they go?” Tobey scanned the skatepark, but to no avail. The newly acquainted father and son were nowhere to be seen.
“Damn it!” JoJo kicked the ground with his stylish shoes. “Jotaro told me about The World during one of his lectures. It has the power to stop time.”
“So you’re saying Dio kidnapped Giorno while we were frozen?” Tobey couldn’t believe it, but he quickly realized that time powers were one of the more believable things he had experienced since meeting JoJo.
“But it’s okay! Jotaro also told me how he defeated Dio by…. By….” JoJo scrunched up his face in thought. “Uhh, actually, I think I stopped listening before he got to that part.”
“You what?!” Tobey glared at his boyfriend. Of course, he somehow managed to not listen to how to defeat the evil Brit.
“Hey, it’s not like I knew Dio was going to show up here! But I’m sure if we put our heads together, we can figure something out.” JoJo sounded so optimistic that Tobey nearly believed him, but he couldn’t stop the dread building in his stomach.
“No, no, no, no. This isn’t good, JoJo! I take down bike thieves and painfully comical villains, and the most you’ve defeated was a serial killer with a hand fetish. We can’t do this!” The spidery hero felt himself begin to heroically hyperventilate as he pictured Giorno tied up somewhere or caged or forced to sit in New York traffic for an hour while Dio slowly manipulated him to join his evil schemes.
“Hey, Tobes, it’ll be okay.” Tobey heard his boyfriend, but his mind quickly switched to a much more pressing issue, one far more terrifying than anything Dio could do to his son.
“JoJo, what if Aunt May finds out?” That stopped the living pompadour in his tracks.
“I’m sure she’ll understand, right? I mean, it’s not like we let Dio take Giorno, right?!” Tobey shook his head, and JoJo paled.
“We were supposed to be watching out for him! Aunt May trusted us to be responsible chaperones.”
“Maybe we can prove to her just how cool and responsible we are by getting Giorno back, right? Very fast and easy, and she doesn’t even have to find out about it. Look, Tobes, I get that you’re scared, but if my loser, marine biologist nephew took down Dio, I bet we can too!” It wasn’t the most effective motivating speech Tobey had ever heard, but hearing it from JoJo made it that much better.
“Maybe you’re right.”
“Of course I am! When have I ever been wrong?” Before Tobey could bring up all of the moments when JoJo was in fact wrong, his boyfriend collected the two skateboards and started to make his way out of the skatepark.
“Do you know where Dio could have gone? Maybe you can call Jotaro and ask him?” The marine biologist was clearly the resident Dio expert of the family, so it seemed smart enough to ask.
“The guy moved across continents to try to get away from anything resembling Dio, so I don’t think he would want to know that the man himself is somewhere in the city plotting some evil plan. Plus, we don’t have time for one of Jotaro’s long, dolphin-metaphor-filled monologues. Look, we’ll figure it out as we go.” JoJo sounded sure of himself, relatively speaking, of course, which made his spider lover feel sort of reassured.
The two reached the sidewalk when Tobey realized that Aunt May’s concert was probably ending soon, and once she realized Giorno wasn’t back at her house, she would definitely call him to ask where they went. He steeled himself for having to possibly lie to his beloved aunt, even though she would definitely catch him in it. For how good she was, Tobey could swear she was bitten by a radioactive polygraph test.
“We should hurry, though. I really think we should get Giorno back before Aunt May find….” Right before Tobey could finish his sentence, he spotted Aunt May’s red Kia pulling up at the pavement. She rolled down her window and flashed the two a warm smile.
“Hey, boys! Did you have fun skating?” The colorful bears on her new Grateful Dead shirt seemed to mock Tobey’s currently inability to form a sentence from beneath her denim jacket. How did Aunt May manage to pick the worst possible time to drop in on them?
“We did. Right, Tobes?” JoJo placed a hand on his boyfriend’s back, urging him to act natural.
“Yeah, yeah. Lots of skateboarding. Lots of fun.” Tobey nodded robotically. He hoped Aunt May would leave before noticing the distinct lack of Italian teenager in the park.
“That’s great to hear! Well, my place is across the city, so I figured Giorno would need a ride back.” She glanced across the concrete lot. “He didn’t leave on his own, did he?” Aunt May looked nervous, like even she knew how directionally-challenged Giorno was.
“Uh, maybe?” Tobey said before JoJo pressed into his back again. “I mean, he might be back soon? Eventually?”
Aunt May’s face dropped. “You lost him?!”
“I wouldn’t say lost~.” JoJo stepped in. “More like kidnapped?” For the life of him, Tobey didn’t know how that was supposed to be acting natural.
“KIDNAPPED?!” Now that set Aunt May off, and she immediately reached for her phone, presumably to call 911.
“Wait, wait, May! The cops won’t be able to help us. They hardly help people with normal crime!”
Aunt May suddenly went silent, her eyes flickering to her nephew. “What do you mean ‘normal crime’?”
Tobey could see the gears in her head turning and properly creating visions of colorful supervillains flying around the city, the kind that he, as Spider-Man, was supposed to take care of. Well, she would be partially right, but this was more of JoJo’s thing.
“Uh, do you have a few minutes? This is kind of a long story.” Aunt May sighed and unlocked the car doors, JoJo placing the skateboards in the trunk and sliding into the passenger seat to fill her in.
***
Admittedly, the story didn’t take that long to tell, though Tobey figured that JoJo was trying to abridge it as much as possible. When he got up to the part when Dio appeared in the skatepark, Aunt May’s hands gripped the steering wheel, and she refused to look Tobey or JoJo in the eyes. She did silently gesture to a small box she kept in her backseat, which contained a spare spider-suit. Tobey slowly slid the costume on, trying to figure out just how mad she was.
“So his British, vampire, super-powered father showed up, and you did nothing to stop him?” Her words were slow and barely controlled.
“To be fair, Dio can stop time, so that part isn’t really on us.” JoJo smoothed out the part of his majestic pompadour that was smooshed on the car ceiling.
“Right….” Aunt May glanced at him before putting the car in drive. “Well, I guess we just have to get Giorno back then.”
“Wait, seriously? But you don’t have powers.” As cool as his aunt was, Tobey couldn’t imagine her fighting a villain like Dio.
“If anyone harms one of my boys, they’re going down. That’s just the way it is, Tobey.” The spidery superhero sighed, knowing that there was no use arguing with Aunt May.
“It’s a good thing you came then. How did you know where we were?”
“Oh, I put a tracker app on your phone after you told me about the whole superhero thing. I figured if anything happened to you on patrol, I could swing by.” She put extra emphasis on the ‘swing,’ but Tobey was too concerned with how he never realized the app was there even years after May downloaded it to laugh. Luckily, JoJo noticed the pun and started to giggle.
“Humph. At least one of you appreciates my humor. So, where to, boys?”
Tobey and JoJo glanced at each other.
“We don’t exactly know yet, May.”
“So we just drive around the entire city until we find them?” Aunt May turned a corner, cutting off a taxi in the process.
“I-I guess that’s the plan.” Tobey offered a wonky smile to make up for their complete lack of planning, but, to her credit, Aunt May didn’t respond.
“Uh, was the concert fun?” He wasn’t sure why he was still talking since it was clear that Aunt May was moderately pissed that they managed to fail at the one task they had — keeping Giorno safe and not kidnapped — but the silence in the car had reached a level of uncomfortable he couldn’t take.
“It was! You remember our old neighbor Carole? The one who never shoveled the snow on her sidewalk? Well, I get into the concert, and there she is with a brand new patch on her jacket! So, I go up and ask her….” Before Aunt May could continue her story, a loud thunk came from the roof of the car. Thankfully, due to the extreme New York traffic, she didn’t have to slam on her brakes.
“Honey, what did I tell you about texting and hoverboarding?”
“Nyehehehehe! Sorry, sweetie!”
Two familiar voices came from just above the car, and Tobey and JoJo simultaneously facepalmed. Great, just what they needed. Tobey quickly put his mask on before the villains could see him.
“Uh, boys?” Aunt May rolled down her window and looked up. “Why’s there a hoverboard on the car?”
Suddenly, the Green Goblin jumped to the pavement, causing Aunt May to let out a shocked scream.
“I would apologize for landing on your car, but since I am the part of this city’s premier supervillain duo, I won’t! Nyehehehe!” The Green Goblin cackled villainously, only stopping when he noticed JoJo.
“Gasp! Donut Defender! What are you doing here?” His brightly lit eyes flickered over to Tobey. “Spider-Man! You’re here too? Oh, of all the cars to land on!”
“Donut Defender?” Aunt May glanced at the superpowered pomp, who just shrugged in response.
“Fear not, honey. I am here too.” Kira gracefully leaped to the ground, moving close to hold the Green Goblin’s hand. If they weren’t a serial killer and a supervillain, Tobey might have found it adorable.
“Look, we’re on a top-secret mission right now, so we don’t have time for whatever this is. Hero stuff, you know?” JoJo ran his hands over his hair, buffing it like an expensive sports car.
“Well then, I suppose it’s our job to foil your heroic deeds, Donut Defender.” Kira straightened his horribly clashing tie.
“But sweetie, what about….” the Green Goblin lowered his voice, but, thanks to Tobey’s super senses, he could make out the words, “our secret meeting?”
“What’s that about a secret meeting, Goblin?” Tobey leaned forward.
“It’s irrelevant to you, Spider-Man! But, if you must know, our villain’s group chat received an invitation to a city-wide secret meeting. Watch out, Spider-Man, Donut Defender, because it looks like you’ll have to take down one more of us! And this one looks very powerful judging by what he sent for us to set as his contact photo.”
JoJo sighed. “By any chance, was it of a blond shirtless dude doing a weird pose?”
Kira’s face dropped. “H-how do you know about that? Did you hack into our group chat?!”
“No, but it’s the only photo Dio uses. I think he only has one picture of himself.”
“So mysterious. I like it!” Kira smiled cheerfully, pushing back his mop of heavily-gelled hair.
“Where exactly is this secret villains-only meeting being held?” The friendly skateboarding Spider-Man couldn’t imagine where a group of supervillains could meet without him realizing it.
“Heh, you won’t get it out of us that easy, Spider-Man!” The Green Goblin jumped in with a shrill laugh. “You’ll have to beat it out of us!” He put his hands up, rocking back and forth like he was ready to box both Tobey and JoJo.
“Wait, we don’t want to fight you two. We just need to talk to Dio, and then you guys and he can be off on your evil ways.” The two villains stared at the Donut Defender like they couldn’t believe him. Sure, he and Tobey had allowed them safe passage through the souvenir shop, but maybe this was too much to believe.
“We only need five minutes with him, and then he’s all yours.” Aunt May spoke up, and Tobey was both thrilled and confused that she thought he and his boyfriend could take down Dio in five minutes or less. If only she had seen them when the Brit first appeared, how terrified they both were.
Kira and the Green Goblin seemed to consider what they were offering.
“What do you think we should do, honey?”
“I’m not sure, sweetie.” The Green Goblin thoughtfully tapped his mask. “Maybe we owe them this one? I mean, the Donut Defender didn’t capture us back then.”
“Only because we gave him and his boyfriend excellent life advice. That little Italian one too. I don’t think we owe them anything.”
“Well, consider this an installment plan,” Tobey rolled down his window to have better access to the two. “You do this for us, and I’ll go easy on you the next time to try to take over the city’s coffee shops or laundromats or whatever.”
“How did you find out about the laundromats?!” The Green Goblin shouted. “Weeks of planning, ruined!”
“Wait, you’re actually trying to take over the city’s laundromats? Those places are already massive scams. I don’t think you can make them any eviler than they already are.” Tobey nodded from behind his mask.
“That’s beside the point,” Kira huffed out. “And it’s what we were planning on proposing to Dio if you must know.” He waited a few moments. “Do you promise not to get in our way if we tell you where the meeting is?”
“I promise we’ll go easy on you. Maybe give you a ten-minute head start on the hoverboard.”
“Plus,” JoJo jumped in, “maybe if Dio sees that we’re after him and not you, he’ll think you two are like super powerful or something. Who knows, he might ever respect you.”
The two looked at each other. “You’ve got yourself a deal, Spider-Man, Donut Defender!” The Green Goblin cried out. He turned to Aunt May and lifted his hoverboard from the roof of her car.
“Do you mind if I put this in your trunk? I don’t think it’ll be able to fly with four of us on it.”
“I think you mean five.” Aunt May popped the trunk. “Wherever this meeting is, I’m going too.”
“Hmmm, I see.” Kira glanced at her as the Green Goblin placed his hoverboard next to JoJo’s skateboards. “Are you an ally of Spider-Man and the Donut Defender then?”
“Of course! They’re my family.” When both villains settled into the back of the car— Kira in the middle and the Green Goblin taking the window seat — Aunt May sped off, driving as fast as New York traffic would allow her.
***
During what ended up being a 30-minute drive through near stand-still traffic, Aunt May ended up becoming relatively well-acquainted to the villainous lovers. The second the Green Goblin noticed her Grateful Dead shirt, he was quick to proclaim his love for the band.
“In fact, my sweetie and I planned on crashing the concert today to get a spot, but what did you say?” He turned to Kira, who was a bit too focused on Tobey’s gloved hands.
“Sweetie?” The masked man gently elbowed his beloved serial killer.
“Huh? Oh, yes! I said that any real fan would’ve gotten tickets before they sold out.” The two broke out into peals that Aunt May joined in on, though Tobey couldn’t tell if her’s were genuine or not.
“So how long have you two known each other?” Aunt May looked in her rear-view mirror.
“Almost four months at this point. I met my sweetie at a Walgreens right after he came here.”
Kira nodded. “I came to this country to track down Higashikata Josuke, the Donut Defender himself. But I never thought I would find love instead! Much less one that doesn’t rot in three weeks.”
“Uhh, right.” Aunt May didn’t give any impression of how disgusted she clearly was, instead focusing her attention away from the villains cuddling next to her nephew. Tobey didn’t blame her. Even he was shocked by the strangeness of the people JoJo’s family had to fight against.
After another uncomfortable 10 minutes, the car finally stopped at the location of the secret villains’ conference: the New York public library.
“Wait, the meeting is here? Isn’t this like an extremely public place?” Tobey looked at JoJo to see if he was going to chime in, but his pompadoured boyfriend was more focused on the lion statues outside of the library.
“Its kind of strange, but Dio insisted on it. I’m something of a bookworm myself, so I don’t mind. Nyehehehe!” The Green Goblin cackled in glee.
“Huh? A library?” JoJo spoke like he had just realized where they were. “I feel like Jotaro would’ve gone on some waxing poetic about Dio and books if this was in character, which means….” He looked at Tobey, expecting him to finish the sentence, but Aunt May did instead.
“That Giorno’s in there.” She placed the car in park and opened her door, ignoring the fact that she wasn’t in an actual parking spot. She rushed into the library, leaving Tobey, JoJo, Kira, and the Green Goblin to chase after her.
Spider-Man and the Donut Defender managed to intercept her before she entered the room Dio was in, a large wooden hall filled with people wondering who the extravagant was. Tobey didn’t even question how Aunt May knew who Dio was without seeing the shirtless photo of him. A British vampire named Dio Brando could really only look like one thing, and the blond man in the green and gold suit matched it perfectly. But, to his dismay, Giorno was nowhere to be seen.
“Wait, Aunt May!” Tobey tried to stand in front of her, but she marched forward.
“Maybe you should wait in the car. You don’t have powers, and this could get really ugly really fast.”
“Sorry, To- Spider-Man,” Aunt May quickly switched to his superhero name when she realized they were in public, “but I’m not leaving here until Giorno’s safe.”
“Don’t worry, May! I think Spider-Man and I can finish this!” JoJo gave her a heroic wink.
“My honey and I will be joining this battle too.” Kira approached, the Green Goblin right behind him. “Perhaps if we assist you in taking Dio down, he’ll recognize our true power.”
“Spider-Man, is this our first large-scale team-up?” The Donut Defender looked genuinely excited, and Tobey felt the same way.
“I think it is!”
“Already then! Spider-Stand Squad, move out!” The four super-powered people stood in the circle and placed their hands in the middle. With a raucous “Go team!” they prepared for the epic battle ahead of them. But, Aunt May had already taken charge and made her way over to Dio.
“Dio Brando?” She gently tapped the behemoth of a man on the shoulder.
“Yes?” He looked up, unsure of whether he should recognize her or not.
Before he could utter another word, Aunt May removed a pepper spray canister from her purse and blasted Dio in the face, sending him flying to the floor. He screamed and rubbed at his eyes, effectively nullifying him in seconds.
“Where’s Giorno?” Aunt May yelled at him, aiming the canister like a wrong answer would lead to another blast.
“What? Who even are you?!”
“I said,” Aunt May grabbed Dio by his jacket collar, “Where. Is. Giorno?!”
“May?” It was then that Giorno reached the table, holding a paper cup of green tea from the dispensers littered around the library. He was completely unharmed — not a hair from his golden hair tubes and braid out of place — and seemed more confused at his current guardian strangling his father than anything.
“Giorno!” Aunt May let go of Dio and rushed toward the teenager, pulling him into a hug so forceful he nearly dropped his tea. She released him only to get a good look at his face to make sure he wasn’t hurt.
“I’m so glad you’re okay! He didn’t do anything to you, right?”
“Do anything? What do you mean? I asked him to take me to the library, and he said yes.” Now Giorno just looked confused, his brow creased into a frown.
“Wait what?!” JoJo approached his great-uncle. “Then what about the kidnapping and the time stopping and the whole poof-he’s-gone-thing?”
Dio struggled to his feet, still rubbing at his eyes. “I figured I couldn’t have a civilized conversation with you two around, so I got….” Dio looked at his hand again, “Giorno out of there to talk with him. We decided that we should work on our father-son relationship before he decides to join my evil dominion or not. And, he told me how no one’s taken him to the library since he got to this pathetic cesspool you call a city, so I thought the perfect bonding experience would be over books. Well, until you buffoons showed up, that is.”
“But what about the villains' conference, huh? Were you gonna try to indoctrinate Giorno there?” Tobey stepped closer to Dio, and he could feel the villains behind him do the same. As excited as they were to possibly take down the Stand-user, they seemed no more willing to be within fighting distance than the spidery hero was.
“Villains’ conference? What are you talking about? Why would I want to join forces with the likes of them?” Dio pointed to Kira and the Green Goblin.
“Hey! Our plans sometimes work!” The Green Goblin shouted. “You haven’t even heard our newest scheme to take over the cities laundromats and….”
“Don’t know, don’t care. Clearly, your pathetic minds short-circuited some time ago if you’d believe that would ever work.”
“Then why would you send our villains' group chat this message? It has your photo and everything.” Kira moved forward and shoved his phone in Dio’s face. The British brute scanned the screen, but he looked more confused than before.
“I never sent such a thing. I don’t even have such a modern device as this. Back in my generation, you didn’t need such horrible boxes to communicate with each other.”
JoJo scratched his pompadour. “But, if you didn’t, who did?”
“It would have to be someone with the money to buy a new cellphone and the ability to beat Rhino until he let them into the group chat.” A man a few tables down placed his newspaper down and adjusted his white hat. “It would also have to be someone with access to that photo of Dio.” He stood and turned, revealing a familiar face.
“Jotaro?! Why would you do that?” JoJo looked furious that his nephew would do this, but Dio looked thrilled.
“To create a distraction, of course. I didn’t realize you and To- Spider-Man would arrive too, but no matter.”
“Jotaro, what a pleasure to see you again. Are you here to present another chest for me to blast through?” With the pepper spray out of his eyes, the British boomer twisted his body into a dramatic pose.
“You wish, Dio. Star Platinum!” With a low cry, Jotaro’s Stand appeared behind him. The civilians in the library couldn’t see the purple behemoth, but they still stared intently at the shouting match between the two oddly dressed men.
“Now, let’s finish this once and for all!”