Chapter Text
Zhongli came back home completely drenched after having run under the rain. He was so wet that water poured from him onto the parquet, soaking it. Zhongli would have normally cared about not ruining the carpet, and would have normally avoided to dampen it with rain water, but he couldn't really care about that at that moment. His word had completely collapsed onto itself the moment his friendship with Ajax had ended and he was completely destroyed.
He went upstairs, came into his bedroom, took off his soaked school uniform and collapsed onto his bed; he surrounded himself with his blankets, almost as if he wanted to protect himself from the world around him and began crying ugly tears.
He kinda had expected to have to face rejection, but he didn’t expect Ajax to say that he did not want him around him. Did his previous quarrel with one of his classmates cause Ajax to so bluntly ask him to get away from his life? Or was that something that Ajax had wanted to tell him for a long time? Had he made himself so annoying to Ajax’s eyes? What had prompted him to tell him that?
Maybe it was the rumours, maybe Ajax had been so bothered by the rumours about them being a couple that he had chosen to cut off his ties with him. That was a logical explanation, but thinking about that possibility also made him suffer, because it implied that Ajax would have hated even the remote idea of them being a couple.
Zhongli took out his phone, opened Whatsapp and decided to text Ajax. He knew it was probably a horrible idea to text someone who had already told you that they were “tired of being around you”, but he couldn’t help it, he was truly desperate. So he texted him.
Zhongli: Ajax, I am sorry for whatever I have done to ever upset you, I truly am. If you would allow it, I would change my ways if it meant fixing our relationship.
Zhongli stayed fixated on the screen of the chat for a while, waiting for a response. After a while, he saw that Ajax was online and that he had read his text, however Ajax left him on read and did not reply to him.
“This is fine” Zhongli thought to himself “Maybe he is just busy helping his mother take care of his siblings, he will reply later”
Zhongli stayed a really long time watching his screen with the chat open waiting for a reply from the redhead, but that reply never came. Zhongli threw his phone away on the bed in frustration.
So this was the end,huh? This was truly the way a 10 year long friendship was going to end. Without Zhongli never even having confessed his feelings.
Suddenly he heard the door being unlocked and his mother’s voice coming from the front door. “Zhongli! I am home!” she yelled.
Zhongli chose that it would have been the best course of action to be decent enough to at least greet his mother, so he wiped his tears away, put on a shirt and came out of his room.
“Good evening, mother” he greeted her “how are you?”
His mother was wearing a pink dress and was holding multiple shopping bags in her hands. She was a housewife and did not have a job, so she occupied most of her days either by shopping, doing house chores, such as cleaning and cooking, or by watching vapid telenovelas and TV dramas.
“I am fine” she replied “Today there was a sale at that house decor shop that is in the middle of the town, so as you can see, I bought a few things from there that i think would really improve the ambience of our house…Zhongli, why is the parquet wet? You should have been more careful while you were entering the house!”
“I am sorry mom” said Zhongli “I’ll clean that mess right away!” Zhongli went downstairs and took a towel and cleaned the floor until his mom was satisfied enough. After that she began rambling about vases, fake flowers and about the new brown curtains she had purchased, Zhongli did not really care about all of that and, in his eyes, his mom always talked about really vapid stuff and bought products that they did not need just to spend money, however listening to her talk about her home decor purchases was probably better than staying alone his his bedroom waiting for a reply from Ajax.
“Oh, anyways, how was your first day of school?” She asked. “It went well” he lied.
He did not really want to talk about it and he hoped his mom would not ask him further about it. “Oh it is already 6 PM. Your father is probably gonna get home soon, I’ll go and make some dinner for the both of you” she said and went to the kitchen.
Zhongli came back to his room, he took the phone that he had previously thrown on the bed and checked if Ajax had replied to his message. Unsurprisingly, he did not and he had left him on read.
Having, once again been disappointed by his now ex friend, he decided that spending his time watching a phone screen was useless and decided that he needed to stop thinking about ajax for a while, so he took his laptop from his desk and went on youtube and began watching one of those four hour long video essays that covered some obscure topic that he had never heard of.
It was 6:30 PM when his father came home, Zhongli greeted him too and they had dinner together. Zhongli did not particularly enjoy having dinner with his parents, in fact he preferred eating alone, but he knew that they would have complained if he had taken his plate and if he had come back to his room.
Zhongli’s father was a businessman who owned a tech company; he and his mother had married out of convenience, she had wanted a rich man and he had wanted a trophy wife to show around who was at least a decade younger than him, they were truly a match made in heaven. Zhongli had been the collateral damage that was conceived from their hellish union and probably the one who had suffered the most because of it.
He knew that his family condition wasn’t really all that bad, and that there were people who were in worse predicaments than his own, but this didn’t stop him from waking up everyday hoping that his parents would divorce. He was like 80% sure that his father was cheating on his mom with his secretary, but his mother was either clueless about it, or didn’t actually care whether or not his father cheated on her.
He ate his dinner, made very little small talk with his father and mother and then he came back to his room. He took his phone in his hands again. He knew it was irrational to keep checking the chat to see if Ajax had decided to reply to him when it had been almost 2 hours since he had texted him and Ajax had left him on read, but he couldn’t help to do so.
He looked at the chat and, once again, he saw that Ajax had chosen not to dignify him with a reply. He began crying again in frustration and he went back to his bed where he cried himself to sleep.
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Ajax felt like shit.
He had just ended the only friendship he had ever had, but that had been for the best. He knew Zhongli was probably gonna suffer because of it, but it would have been good for the both of them to separate. Zhongli would suffer for a while, but he then would move on and find some better friends for himself, friends that wouldn’t hold him back, contrary to him.
He had always felt lucky that he had Zhongli as a friend; the brunette had never judged him for being poor or for the way he acted, contrary to all the other kids, and had always helped him.
That, however, could not be said about Mr. Wen, Zhongli’s father, he was always really annoyed at the fact that Zhongli’s only friend was someone who did not have a dollar to his name, and Ajax had internalised some of that disgust that Mr. Wen felt for him.
He had always felt inferior to Zhongli and his economic status and the fact that he was not as academically gifted as him had always made him feel like shit.
Ajax truly believed that Zhongli should have hung out with people that were closer to his status and not with someone like him, and the only reason why he wasn’t doing that was because Zhongli had gotten too attached to Ajax.
The redhead had always found it a little peculiar how much they had gotten close over the years, so he wasn’t really surprised when he noticed that literally everyone thought that they were gay.This did not mean, however, that he liked the fact that everyone they were dating, in fact that very fact had been bringing him a lot of anxiety over the years.
He knew that Zhongli’s father was not happy about how close they were, but he was not the only one to share that sentiment, because his family also did not like how close he was to Zhongli. Yes, they did really like Zhongli, he was rich, calm and polite, however they did not like how close he appeared to be to his son.
He himself had nothing against gay people, however he knew that his parents would have absolutely not been happy about the possibility of him being a homosexual. Ajax knew that his dad already gave him dirty looks every time he told him that he would spend the night at Zhongli’s place and he was sure that he would have bashed his head on the floor if they had ever actually gotten together. Ajax knew that he himself felt a certain degree of attraction towards men, however he had long decided that it would have been the best, both for him, for his family and for Zhongli, to hide that part of himself. Coming out would have certainly put strain onto his poor parents' minds, who already had a lot of problems to take care of in their lives and they certainly did not need another one.
Ajax came back home around 5:50 PM and he was considerably wet because of the rain. He made sure to take off his shoes before going into the house and came in. Upon entering the house he was greeted by his younger siblings and by his grandma.
“Ajax! Ajax!” his youngest brother, Teucer, called out to him “today I made a new friend at school!” his brother exclaimed enthusiastically. “Oh really? And what is their name?” Ajax asked his little brother .“Her name is Qiqi! She is a bit shy, but I think she is really neat!” exclaimed his brother.“Oh I am sure she is!” Said Ajax, while ruffling his little brother’s hair
“Ajax, could you please come and help me fetch dinner?” His grandma asked him.
“Isn’t it a bit early for dinner?” Ajax questioned, and his grandma answered him: “I want to make goulash, and that takes a long time, wash your hands and come help me.”
Before he went to the kitchen, he heard his phone buzz from his pocket. He looked at the screen and saw that Zhongli had sent him a message. He read it, but before he could decide whether or not to reply to it his grandma called him again from the kitchen: “Come on Ajax, these potatoes are not gonna peel themselves!”.
Ajax put his phone away and went into the kitchen and helped his grandma cook.
While he was peeling potatoes he began mulling over Zhongli’s text message, it seemed that Zhongli, despite how Ajax had treated him, truly wanted to be friends with him again. Had this been the best course of action? Should he apologise to Zhongli for his actions?
Ajax shook his head, no this was the best thing to do, both for Zhongli and for himself, it didn’t matter how much this choice had made both him and his now ex best friend suffer. This was for the best.
His new found resolve, however, did not really explain how exactly he was going to answer that one message. What if he ignored it? Would it have been a good idea to just ignore it? That would have made Ajax’s life easier, but it would have probably made Zhongli suffer. Well he had already made Zhongli suffer by telling him that he did not want him around, but maybe, since he had indeed already made him suffer, that would have meant that he at least owed Zhongli a reply.
After having finished peeling the potatoes, Ajax took out his phone from his pocket and stared at the screen and found that the idea of having to reply to him was really anxiety inducing for him. What should he tell him? To get over it? That he was sorry? All of those replies seemed inadequate for him.
“Stop looking at your damn phone and set the table!” his grandmother scolded him.
“Yes Grandma!” he replied. Since his two older siblings had moved out of the house, his older sister because she went to college and his older brother because he had gone to work in Sumeru, he had become the “older brother” of the house, so he was expected to help with household chores and to help his younger siblings and his parents. He was happy to do it, but sometimes doing so could result in being pretty taxing for him.
Ajax took a blanket, put it on the table, then set the plates and the flatware and the napkins.
Just as he finished setting the table his parents came back from work. His dad worked as a fisherman in the harbour, while his mom was a janitor in an elementary school; those weren’t high paying jobs, but they were honest work and they paid the bills and put food on the table, even though, since they were a large family, the money was always scarce.
Ajax greeted his parents and they all had dinner together.
“How was school?” asked Ajax’s mother. “It was fine” said Tonia, “It was great! I made a new friend!” said Teucer, “It was a bit boring, but it went well” said Anthon. Ajax lied and said that his school day had been fine too and that nothing interesting had happened. Teucer then proceeded to start telling his parents about his first day of school and the new friend he had made; while his little brother was doing that Ajax fished out his phone and reopened the chat. He was still mulling over whether or not to text Zhongli, he was aware that he was basically ghosting the only friend he had ever had, but he felt some sort of anxiety every time he tried to find the right words to say to him through text.
“Ajax! Put away that damn phone and participate in the conversation!” his grandma yelled at him “these youngsters, always on their damn phone doing nothing! Back in my day people only used phones to call each other!”. “Back in your days everyone had polio” said Ajax, playfully and his siblings laughed while his grandma scoffed at them.
The conversation continued from that and Ajax decided that it was better to keep ghosting Zhongli. Their friendship had ended anyways and in a pretty abrupt way, it would have been better for Zhongli to just forget about him.
_________________________________________________________________________
After his friendship with Ajax had ended, Zhongli had consistently been rather lonely, he would go to school alone, sit alone in class, eat lunch alone and come back home all alone. He wasn’t even trying to make new friends and, honestly, he didn’t really want to, because even if he had managed to make new friends, nothing would have guaranteed him that they would stay by his side and not leave him like the redhead had done. Nobody liked him at school anyways, so it would have been stupid to even try to make new friends.
Ajax, contrary to Zhongli, in the weeks that had followed the end to their friendship, had been able to insert himself into a new shiny friend group and had made new friends and he looked really happy about it. Zhongli would sometimes see them walking together home, having lunch together and having fun together.
Zhongli was truly living in the worst possible timeline and his biggest fear had materialised itself into existence and he didn’t really have the energy to do anything about it. Yes, he could have tried to beg Ajax again to come back to him and be friends once again, but he felt as if that would have been a desperate and stupid action. Zhongli was also the type of person who thought that it was better to be alone than to be around someone who does not want to be around you, so he preferred to stay alone.
If Ajax was happier staying with people who were not him, then he would be happy for him, even if that meant for him to suffer alone.
Zhongli had spent that alone time focusing on his studies. He was basically constantly studying, and he had found that working on his school material was a good way to keep his mind occupied and to not have to think about his unrequited love.
If he could not focus about getting together with Ajax he could focus on assuring his entrance at college. He still didn’t know what he wanted to study in college, he wanted to either go and study liyuean literature or history.
He didn’t really know what he could do after college though, his family’s fortune could easily allow him to be able to comfortably live without having to work, but he still wanted to do something. He was sure of one thing though: he didn’t want to do his father’s job and become like him, he did not care how much his dad would pressure him about majoring in business, he would not do it and he would probably sell his family tech company when he inherited it.
That had always been his plan, but now that plan did not involve marrying Ajax anymore.
Zhongli was eating alone at lunch, like he would always do, when he was approached by a girl “I noticed that you are always eating alone!” she told him. He looked at her from head to toe and stared at her for at least half a minute and realised that he could not recognise her.
“I am sorry” he said “Do i know you?”
“Oh you probably don’t since we are not in the same class, name’s Hu Tao”
“Mine is Zhongli”
He stared at her while trying to imagine what she could have probably wanted to do with him, maybe she needed tutoring and someone had told her that he had high grades.
“So, do you need something?” Zhongli asked, rather awkwardly.
“Oh no, I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to come and sit with me and my friends, since you look pretty lonely”
“So you are taking pity on my condition?”
Hu Tao laughed at that “I wouldn’t exactly put it that way, but yeah, you look a bit pitiful. Can I ask you something?”
Zhongli hated rhetorical questions like those. “Sure, go on”.
“You know, I have been watching you for a while, and you seem to pass your lunchtimes looking at that one table” she pointed her finger towards the table where Ajax and his new friends were sitting “while sulking. Do you perhaps want to sit with them?”. She smiled at him after having asked that.
“Not in a million years” he replied coldly.
“Oh, were my assumptions wrong? Uhm.. it does not matter. The offer to sit with me and my friends still stands. So, do you want to sit with us?”
“I don’t know any of you though”
“But you could always get to know us!” she said.
Zhongli pondered over the option for a moment. He didn't really want to make new friends, but maybe, even if he did not want to admit it, he was a bit tired of being alone all the time. He also reasoned with himself that if he had found Hu Tao and her friends unbearable he could have always returned to sitting alone, like he had been doing until now.
“Okay then, I accept your offer” he said, and got off from his table and followed after the girl.