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It's been... what? Three days?
Lack of proper sleep certainly affected her mind, causing fog to envelop it so thickly, to the point where her sensations and perception of time became hazardously warped.
Her thoughts came to be completely disembodied. She felt as if her consciousness quite literally left the boundaries of her body. It was so bizarre, watching her own three metres tall physical shell roam around the empty bakery akin to a robot. A robot whose current objective happened to be-
Curry bread.
Making even more of it.
In fact, she had already made so much of it that it could easily feed the entire population of Mutsuba Town three times a day.
Or three whole Mutsuba Towns.
Or- whatever.
It wasn't all that important.
All she knew was that Zwijo-sama wanted it.
And she knew how important it was for him... just as she knew why he was holding back when using the Earthdamar and sharing consciousness with Ohdo Yuhi. Just as she knew why he wanted to obtain that equip magic and give it to Yudias. Just as she knew why Zwijo-sama considered his former comrade to be the one worthy to awaken the ancient spaceship underneath Mutsuba Town...
Huh, now that she was thinking about it amidst the stifling lonely silence within the bakery walls...
No, Hiramori Mitsuko never truly knew anything about Zwijo-sama's motivations.
However, it did nothing to hold her back and not let her be his loyal support at all times.
She did realise there must have been a reason why he never shared with her, or anyone else at the matter, what kind of thoughts were running through his head. Non-stop, leaving him restless and unable to find solace even in his dreams. She could tell it from the way his expression occasionally changed to that of someone who kept furiously fighting back against ceaseless crowds of enemies. Again, and again, and again... until he would eventually become overwhelmed and get violently thrown out of the nightmarish battlefield and into reality. Pallid and hyperventilating and glassy-eyed. With his fingertips shaking and gaze so muddled. He bit his lips, desperately muffling pained groan, and Mitsuko felt that if she weren't there, right by his side, he would have screamed, not giving his own lungs any mercy. But because she was there, doing her best pretending she was sleeping, he swallowed his agony. Silently staring at his shaky hand whilst nightmare and reality kept overlapping before his eyes, twisting the world around him into one big incoherent mess.
It happened almost every night, and it didn't take Mitsuko long to realise that no matter how nice and sunny the morning after would turn out to be, for Zwijo-sama every new tomorrow dawned in darkness. Always.
At some other times he would succumb to insomnia instead. Meandering around his space ship or the bakery, Zwijo bore so much resemblance to a ghost... a poor restless soul stuck in never-ending limbo as hellish flames from down below would not stop catching up to the soles of his shoes. Cries of his fallen comrades and innocent compatriots filled his ears, he could not escape hundreds of shadows attempting to grab onto him, rip him apart in anguished pleas for salvation.
The salvation he was too powerless to provide.
Mitsuko could hardly imagine what kind of horrors he and his people were forced to endure as it had never been "her" war... and Zwijo preferred keeping that part of his soul away from her grasp. Yes, he kept Mitsuko outside of the massive wall made of thick steel bars. She could see his suffering, yet she was unable to reach his core. All she could do was watch as his heart burned with pain and rage.
Although, if not speaking metaphorically, Zwijo did not exactly reject her clumsy yet wholehearted attempts at comforting him. At times of noticeable distress, he did not push her away nor said anything when she approached him, wrapped her arms around his shoulders, almost squeezing him in one big embrace. He also accepted the role of a small spoon when Mitsuko snuggled up to him at night. So tense he would be... yet it did feel as if he basked in her warmth, allowing himself to relax even if just for a bit. But when it actually came to him possibly expressing his true feelings in any other way... no, Mitsuko was forced to stay behind the bars, helplessly watching his inner struggle.
And now, he was gone. And did not take too long for his side of their bed to grow cold. Even his scent was gone. As if he was never really there.
Like a phantom. Like an illusion. Like a dream.
...A bittersweet dream.
Its aftertaste lingered, taking over Mitsuko's senses, causing her heart to ache. Something burned in her throat, bringing tears to her eyes as she sobbed into his pillow.
She shouldn't have ignored her intuition that day. But what she could do now? Nothing more than claw into the sheets and obsess over what else she could have said just as he had already walked out of that door.
"Stay safe..." she sent a meek whisper to tail him.
She couldn't tell what kind of enigmatic cosmic deities or whatever put this thought into her mind. She didn't think of it much back then, but now, in the wake of Zwijo-sama's absence, this idea tormented her.
...What if those words turned out to be a hex? After all, the cheerfulness she uttered it with was just a pretence. Could it be that the psychoenergetic field of Earth read her worry and made her thoughts materialise into the negative outcome? More than anything she feared losing sight of Zwijo-sama as he descended farther into darkness...
And that was exactly how it concluded in the end.
He was gone, like a smoke dissipating into the gray gloomy skies, leaving behind nought but bitterness.
She remained in the dark. All alone.
No instructions were left, not a single word.
Zero, zilch, nada.
And now she began to wonder... what was all of that even about?
Endless questions kept piercing her brain akin to needles, more pain with each strike.
More, and more, and more.
Why... just, why?
"He disappeared," echoes of Yudias's voice rang in her ears.
In just a heartbeat, she was seeing red.
Oooh, how much she regretted she didn't grab him by the hair and smashed him against the wall! It just refused to sit right with her: how?! How in the world one could be that stupid and naive? Even Mitsuko, a literal outsider to whatever was going in Velgear, still harboured enough of common sense to realise that possibly buddy-buddying with enemies during a war was inconceivable.
Love, peace and white flying parasites called doves, dammit.
If only that guy had listened to sound reasoning, if only he had cooperated with Zwijo-sama, but nooo...
Enemy is enemy. You can't be nice with someone who's out there to hurt you, destroy your life.
Heck, kill you.
So, it's only logical that you must eliminate the enemy before they can eliminate you.
It's you or them.
How could a guy who's been through the torture personally, had seen such hell, breathed in the nauseating smell of blood, death and decay... how could he not understand that?
It took some time before Mitsuko was able to regain her composure and instead of lurching forward into premature conclusion she took three steps back to think it over once more.
No, she wasn't really angry at Yudias. It was no anger that consumed her heart to the point where it was on the brink of shattering.
It was... pain born from realisation that as Zwijo's brother in arms Yudias still had a chance of meeting him again, standing by his side, facing whatever adversary there might be together.
Yeah... If it happened so that Yudias would snap out of his gullible ways and actually listen to whatever Zwijo had to say, Mitsuko was certain that the latter would surely reveal his intentions to him, open his thoughts-
...something he would never disclose to her.
Because she wasn't one of his people.
No matter how much she desired to stand by him, to embrace him, the wall of steel bars would not fall. She wasn't allowed into that field where he was standing tall outside of her reach, amidst beautiful vibrant flowers... underneath which dozens if not hundreds of mines were planted.
One step, and one is a goner.
Mitsuko realised it, she truly did, and yet-
"Farewell, Mitsuko."
The two words void of any emotions, at least those she was capable of understanding, kept her restless.
She wanted to believe she could do something more for his sake rather than just continue making the curry bread and keeping the dango soup warm for until he would return.
After all, he would return, right?
For as much as he believed in her, accepted her for the way she was, she returned those feelings three times more.
And so, despite everything, her heart would not stop reaching out to him.
Wandering through the darkest void.
Restless.
Frantic.
Always.
No matter what, she couldn't help but believe. And pray. That one day, the sun would rise again for both of them. That the long, long, long night would be over. Even if... the scars within Zwijo's soul could not be healed as reality was not a fairy tale where love made any sort of pain go away magically.
No, Mitsuko didn't even dare hope for anything like that. No matter how much of a romantic she was deep down inside, she never allowed herself lose a grasp on reality.
The man she loved ever so dearly was broken, traumatised, scarred.
And so, she didn't harbour much illusions for cloudless, blissful life straight out of some sappy romance fiction.
Nevertheless, she kept clinging to her belief that there was still something she could do for him, be his support.
Simply because he was enough for her as he was.
For she loved him no matter what.
Even if this love would not let her rest neither at night nor during daytime.
It was fine.
He was fine.
They were going to be fine.
When they meet again...
Finally, exhaustion took over Mitsuko's mind, silencing the neverending thoughts in her head as it took less than three minutes for her to finally succumb to drowsiness.
No dreams, just a realm of cosy darkness where she could feel a presence so dear to her.
As if from a galaxy far, far away someone was thinking of her. And that thought materialised itself in form of an invisible hand, a palm with skin so rough stroking her face.
Yeah, the hand that more than anything was used to handling a sword, those long slender fingers caressed her ever so gently.
What a nice feeling...
She smiled in her sleep, completely unaware of the three tiny droplets slithering down her cheeks.