Chapter Text
i wish i could say i didn't understand his anger. i saved his life, you'd think i would expect him to be grateful, not angry. but i didn't. when we picked him up in hanamura, i knew there would be no good ending for him. not for a good long while, at least. fourteen hours spent in a surgery room, piecing him back together. making a man out of the shreds we found on that street. just for him to fall apart when he woke up. i wish i didn't understand. i wish i could be tougher on him. hell, jack certainly thinks i should be. but what would jack do? what would he do if his whole world was ripped out from under him? if he was nearly killed by his own flesh and blood? if he had to be rebuilt and rewired like he was nothing but a broken circuit board? like he wasn't a person? i wish i couldn't understand. i wish i was sorry. i know i'd do it again. it's my duty as a doctor. that's all i tell myself it is, anyway. i can keep pretending i don't see the way his glances went from angry to neutral to... something else. i can keep pretending that i don't wish that i could neglect all my responsibilities and stare into those rust-colored eyes for ages. but oh, how i fall apart when he stays up talking to me late at night. when he drinks my coffee that everyone else hates. when he tells me things that he won't admit to anyone else. when he sits and listens to my extensive rants about my research that i'm sure he doesn't comprehend a word of. oh, how i wish he saw himself how i do.