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Xiao is not gentle. His fingers tug clumsily at Aether’s long, damp hair. The thick calluses that cover his palms constantly catch on the soft strands causing them to tangle in his inexperienced hands. He struggles to gather even sections in order to form the smooth braid the other is almost always sporting, and he finds his lips curling into a snarl as he roughly cards his war-torn and blood-stained fingers through the same spot he had just gathered up into his hands all over again because he had created something closer to a knot than a braid.
Pursing his lips, Xiao’s unwavering gaze remains fixed on the back of Aether’s head. In his hard and unruly grip, the traveler’s hair feels unusually smooth and awkward. It shimmers like sunlight streaking through the gaps in the treetops whenever he twists and turns it, and Xiao can’t stop himself from getting lost in the sight from time to time.
Aether can feel a slight sting at the nape of his neck with every jerk of Xiao’s hands, but he still dips his head back into the other’s touch despite the dull pain ringing through his scalp. Xiao’s hands always feel cold and stiff when they ghost across his skin, but he finds comfort in them because they belong to Xiao. He knows Xiao must consider him foolish for finding solace in his haunted presence, but, to Aether, Xiao is the single light that shines, unyielding, through the unrelenting darkness that seems determined to swallow him whole most days. With him alone, Aether feels at peace. With him, he can stretch his legs, dip the tips of his dry toes into the river, and inhale the brisk air until his lungs feel like exploding. He can close his heavy eyes, and sigh loud enough to make his throat burn.
In the sprawling mountains that enwreathe much of Liyue, tucked away beneath the elongated branches of Sandbearer trees, nestled amongst crystalline waters that shine beneath the eerie light of the moon, and surrounded by the dull glow of cor lapis, their shared sanctuary hides. A small, modest, and rather unassuming cabin sat upon the shore of a grand river–one that had been long abandoned by its former owner and once covered in cobwebs and dust. It’s here that’s become the closest thing to home Aether knows in this world that he’s become so familiar with, yet isn’t his own. If only because it’s the only place in all of Teyvat where he can be himself and only just that–where he can admit that he’s weak and hurting and desperate.
Because sometimes the weight of the world is too much to bear. Sometimes it tears and rips and claws at Aether’s mind and body until he’s bruised and battered and broken. Every battle he endures leaves ugly scars upon his body, and every life he touches leaves a nagging ghost that haunts the depths of his mind; asking him if he tried hard enough–if he had done everything he could have. Every day he’s bogged down by regrets and what ifs and questions he’s not certain he’ll ever get the answers to. While every night he’s plagued by memories that, loudly and unceremoniously, remind him of the pain nestled within his ailing heart. At times, the exhaustion and lingering aches are too much. Some days it’s a struggle to simply get out of bed, and others it’s a battle to even force his eyes to peel back to the light of the glaring sun once more. Existing, he’s come to understand, is a grueling process, but moments like these make it slightly more bearable.
Aether sways his feet ever so slightly, creating ripples on the surface of the water as he leans back. His shoulders are sore and rigid, and they tremble with the effort it takes to hold himself upright with his palms pressed into the moist earth beneath them. The soil feels cold against his bare legs, and the brisk wind nips at his exposed chest causing a chill to race down his spine. “Xiao,” Aether breathes, savoring the taste of the other’s name as it escapes his lips. His voice is hoarse, and the creases beneath his weary eyes tell a story that remains largely unspoken. “Why did you come?”
Instinctively, Xiao shifts where he’s seated behind Aether to press his calf against the traveler’s back in order to support his quaking body, and relieve some of the stress the other has taken upon himself. Strange how he often cautioned the other to stay away from him, yet, now, he willingly closes the meager gaps Aether leaves between them for his sake. This connection is a dangerous thing, one that frequently haunts the Adeptus–one that would be better off severed before his own burdens begin to weigh the other down, but he finds himself reluctant to relinquish it.
“You called out my name.” Xiao’s hands continue their almost pointlessly awkward attempts to re-braid Aether’s hair. But it’s evident he doesn’t quite know what to do with them when they’re not wrapped about the end of a weapon. He’s a beast. A monster all his own. His hands are ill-fit for such a delicate task. For one that requires such a gentle and careful touch. But, in the lonely and silent depths of their shared sanctuary, he will try to be everything he’s not. “Adeptus Xiao. If you should ever find yourself at death’s door, if your throat is clutched in the jaws of a monster, if a blade threatens to slice you open–call out my name, and I will be there.”
“I did, but…” Aether looks downwards at his distorted reflection, and lifts his hands up, fully leaning against Xiao to keep himself from falling onto his back. Dropping his arms into his lap, he studies the scars and bruises and burns that seem to cover every inch of himself now. When he first arrived, he had kept track. He thought the stories might be interesting or exciting to tell his sister one day, but he lost count not long into his journey to reunite with her. And he’s forgotten where most of them came from anyway. Some are old. Some are still healing. There are fresh wounds mixed among them that still stain the poorly wrapped bandages Xiao had covered them with. Sometimes he swears even the oldest ones sting from time to time. Like right now, where even the wind’s soft touch is enough to make him shudder from the pain.
“None of those things actually happened, yet you still came.” He tilts his head back, making Xiao’s already difficult task nearly impossible, balancing his neck against the other’s knee in order to flash a weak smile at the Adeptus.
Giving up on his task, Xiao, as softly as he can manage, combs his fingers through Aether’s hair to detangle the loose knots he’s managed to put in it in place of a braid. “A demon need not be present to sink its fangs into your heart.”
Aether hums, kicking at the warped face that stares back at him from the water lapping at his heels. His ankles are swollen from constantly traveling over the continent, and the balls of his feet are so thick and bumpy that he can’t even feel the cool touch of the river against his skin. His muscles are sore, and they ache with every movement he makes, but, much like how Xiao had once told him that his own presence helped to dull the agony plaguing him, Xiao’s existence seems to do much the same for Aether.
If Aether were to be honest, a part of him would love nothing more than to stay here. To hide away in this quiet, peaceful little place they’ve found for themselves, and never again step out into the world beyond the uneven walls these mountains create. He’s tired of hurting. Tired of fighting. Tired of giving up pieces of himself to everyone and everything he comes across. He feels empty and hollow and exhausted most days. But then he imagines what his sister must be feeling now, and it makes him shove that selfish desire from his mind as best he can. But it always lingers. It always festers. Especially on days like today when he aches more than usual, and the sting of old and new wounds alike seems more unbearable than it had been just yesterday.
“You’re very kind, Xiao,” Aether sighs, tasting the brisk, salty air of the mountaintop as his heavy eyelids slip shut.
Xiao’s lips twist into a frown as he presses his hand against Aether’s back in order to shift his leg into a more comfortable position before slowly lowering the traveler’s head down onto his lap. “Mortal concepts mean nothing to me.” His brows furrow, causing small creases to form on his skin as his gaze darkens, though his eyes never stray from Aether. “ I made a vow to answer your call, always. I will protect you.”
“You’re also too serious.” Wiggling his way further into Xiao’s lap, Aether playfully presses the back of his head against the other’s stomach as he tilts his chin up to gaze into Xiao’s piercing eyes. For a moment, he thinks, they’re not so different. Their eyes have a similar dullness to them–a lingering torment that paints dark bags beneath their long lashes, and makes their eyelids feel heavy and burdensome. Though, in his humble opinion, Xiao’s are far more alluring. He could easily become utterly enchanted by them. Instead, a mischievous smile tugs at the corners of his pale lips, and he swiftly thrusts his hands into the air.
Xiao captures Aether’s wrists with trained ease. “Demons cower at the sound of my name, I have slain countless wraiths, the damned would rather die twice than meet me in battle again, and, yet, you reach for me so carelessly.” Despite his words, his expression remains neutral–unbothered. This is a song and dance that he appears to be accustomed to by now.
Aether squirms uselessly against Xiao’s weak grasp. If he really wanted to, he could have easily yanked his hands away, but he puffs out his cheeks and pouts helplessly. “Because, unlike them, I know how to win against you.”
The devilish grin that creeps onto Aether’s rosy cheeks would have been enough of a warning for most. For an Adeptus like Xiao; however, who spends only a limited amount of time around humans, it flies over his head, and he snorts in response at such an over-confident and outlandish statement. “Win?”
“Win. Yup.” Nodding his head eagerly, Aether’s cheeks begin to ache from how wide his lips are stretched as he maintains eye contact with his unsuspecting victim.
In a blaze of glory, he thrusts his foot into the air. Yanking it out from the cool, crystalline waters of the gleaming river, mercilessly splashing Xiao right in the face from the force of his movement.
And oh Aether looks far too pleased with himself for a man who just willingly barged through death’s door with an airhorn and a sign on his back. His chest trembles with a melodious laugh that echoes through the quiet forest, and his face is flushed a bright pink from his own amusement. His fingers curl against his palm as his hands quake weakly in Xiao’s hold. His cunning grin twists into one of pure joy and excitement.
Xiao, on the other hand, frowns. His hair now nearly as damp as Aether’s, and his bangs now droop in front of his eyes. His lips glisten with the lingering droplets of river water scattered across his pale visage. Somehow, he looks even gloomier than usual, especially with his sleek hair sticking randomly to his cheeks.
“I win.” In this little world that consists of only the two of them, Aether’s grief and the aches that swim through his entire body with every laugh that tumbles from his tongue feel like little more than pinpricks against his skin. With Xiao, he’s safe–with Xiao, he can be anything he wants to be. He can simply exist and be nothing other than himself. Even if it does get him into trouble.
“I have not conceded.” Xiao’s tone is far too serious for the current situation, and it only makes Aether beam.
Aether purses his lips in an attempt to dull his radiant grin, but the action only makes his flushed cheeks burn more. “Oh?” His voice cracks ever so slightly as he tries to swallow the remaining giggles that still surge through his entire body.
It’s hard for Aether, at times, to remember when he had last laughed so openly. He forces out a chuckle here and there to entertain Paimon’s boundless energy or to appease the familiar faces that surround him, yet still feel like strangers even after all of the time he’s spent in this world. Because, in the back of his mind, he knows this isn’t where he belongs, and that there might come a day when he’ll leave this world. Possibly forever. It pains him to think about, and his fingers curl into his worn palms as his mind threatens to wander back to the same place it had been a moment ago. A place that’s dark and lonely and painful. One that feels inescapable. Perhaps it’s simply his destiny to always be alone–to always feel the pang of heartache with every breath he takes, and to never grasp the feeling of belonging again. Joy can be such a terrifying thing.
A shadow falls over his dwindling expression, and Aether swiftly tilts his head back up to look at Xiao, bringing him less than an inch from the other’s face. Every last drop of oxygen contained within his throbbing lungs flees at the sight of Xiao’s lips so close to his own, and he makes a sound that’s not quite a gasp but not a whine either. The thoughts that had been swimming around in his mind jump ship at the sensation of Xiao’s tepid breath brushing against his cheeks, and he swears he sees his life flash before his eyes as his heart stops entirely. Or so he’s convinced because he can’t count the number of times it’s hammering away in his chest because it’s pounding too quickly for him to even comprehend. With his ears ringing louder than the clash of steel upon steel, the distant song of birds and the soft rumble of the river vanishes until there’s nothing left but the two of them.
A newfound wave of fear rushes through Aether’s body, and he squeezes his eyes shut in anticipation with enough pressure that the back of his eyelids are as bright as the night sky on the day of the Lantern Rite. He can feel sweat beginning to form against the tips of his fingers, and his wrists feel like they’re on fire where Xiao’s steady hands still hold them. If someone told him he was dying right then and there, Aether would have believed them.
And then he finally feels the tentative touch of Xiao’s cold lips against his warm ones. It’s little more than the ghost of a kiss, but it ignites every ounce of blood in Aether’s body. A wave of heat races to his head, and he’s seeing more stars than any sky could ever hope to produce. But it’s not enough. He wants more. So much more.
In a desperate attempt to maintain that brief, fiery connection, Aether tilts his head upwards to pursue Xiao, and Xiao, much to his surprise, meets him fully and completely this time. The hesitation that had held Xiao back was gone entirely, and he kisses Aether forcefully and passionately.
Aether can almost feel his lips bruising from the contact, but he kisses Xiao back with the same desperation and enthusiasm. It’s enough to make his entire head spin. He feels dizzy and faint and overwhelmed and so very happy. His body could go numb, and his lungs could explode for all he cared. Right now, all that mattered to him was that he was kissing Xiao, and Xiao was kissing him back. Oh, he could count the number of times he had dreamed of such a thing–the number of moments where he had thought about crossing that seemingly impossible bridge, and throwing caution to the wind. But he had been too afraid to cast aside his guilts and doubts and demons to do so, but Xiao wasn’t. And now they were kissing as if their very lives depended on it. Perhaps they did.
Aether could have kissed Xiao for an eternity. He could have kissed him until he was gasping for air, and his skin has gone cold. He could have kissed him until there was nothing left of him but barren bones, and a memory of what once was. He could have kissed him through fire and thunder and lightning. Through the sharpest of knives and dullest of axes. Through the scars and the burns and all of the bruises in the world. Oh, he would have kissed Xiao until his own ailing heart gave out if the other would allow him to because he’s lonely and hurting and the unyielding love he feels for the other threatens to consume every inch of his very soul until he’s nothing but ashes in the wind.
Xiao is not gentle. But, right now, he chooses to be.
He releases Aether’s wrists from his grasp, and softly parts their greedy lips despite Aether’s attempts to cash after him even as a harsh gasp escapes his sore throat. As Aether’s lashes flutter back open slowly, his vision blurry at best and his head swimming, he swears, for a split second, he sees a gentle smile on Xiao’s rosy lips.
Exhaling a series labored and strained pants, Aether’s lungs burn as he struggles to catch his breath. His head is throbbing, and he feels like the entire world is spinning, or maybe it’s just him–or maybe Xiao is the one shaking.
No, it’s definitely just him. His chest heaves painfully, and he swallows thickly as his vision slowly begins to clear up, and Xiao comes fully into view once more. Aether’s damp eyes widen and his face turns bright red when, slowly, reality begins to take hold, and he processes what just happened, along with how utterly bare he is.
“Xiao, you–” Aether stammers, his voice cracking as he tries to force it past his tongue, but he’s not entirely sure where he was even trying to go with that sentence. “Xiao,” he adds pitifully, his heart beating a thousand times a second as he shoves his burning face into his palms. He’s not certain if he’s ever felt so embarrassed and hot and elated in his entire life. So, he does the only thing he can think to possibly do, and swiftly leans away from Xiao–tipping into the river with a loud plop.
“Aether!” For once, concern slips into Xiao’s voice as he moves to the edge of the river, gazing into its clear depths as he reaches his hand out without a second to spare in order to grab for Aether.
But Aether bursts up from the bottom of the river before Xiao’s fingers can reach him, splashing water all over the Adeptus as he clumsily grabs at the muddy ground in front of him with a lopsided grin that doesn’t match the bright blush still covering his entire face. The moment his trembling hands touch Xiao’s, he grabs them as hard as he can manage, and tugs with all of his might.
Xiao tumbles forward unceremoniously, crashing into Aether, and submerging both of them into the rippling water below. Just as swiftly as he had been pulled in, Xiao yanks himself from the depths of the river with a silent gasp. His clothes have been soaked through to his skin while his hair hangs pathetically in front of his face as his golden eyes settle into a scowl that matches the strict frown painting his plump lips. He looks a far cry from his typically refined appearance.
Aether emerges not long after, his long hair sticking to his back, arms, and far too wide grin. “I told you, I know how to win against you,” he has the audacity to chuckle out as he slides a damp hand through his unruly bangs in an attempt to push them out of his face.
There’s not much that can catch Xiao off-guard, but Aether’s discovered something over the time they’ve spent together–Xiao has one glaring weakness. And that weakness is none other than Aether himself.
Also, if Aether were being honest, he needed a moment to collect himself after their kiss–his cheeks and chest had been so hot he feared he might simply combust right then and there if he didn’t do something to smoother the wild and passionate feelings burning through his skin.
“You,” Xiao growls, but he cuts himself off with a harsh sigh as he swipes his fingers through his hair in a pitiful attempt to regain just an ounce of his composure as he stares back at Aether, who remains as unpredictable as ever. But seeing that utterly dazzling smile stretched out on the traveler’s bright pink lips is enough to suppress any agitation Xiao had been feeling.
Not long ago, Aether had been staring listlessly into the very waters they’re standing in–shrugging off the distress and fatigue Xiao is well aware he carries within himself, and desperate for some relief from the journey he’s taken onto his shoulders. If this is enough to bring back that sun-kissed smile he so adores upon the other’s face, and ease just a bit of the agony that plagues Aether, Xiao supposes he doesn’t actually mind.
“I am glad,” he says simply instead. His voice is a touch softer than it normally is.
Aether’s smile turns into one of fondness and affection–one of love and admiration for someone he holds so very dear to his heart, even if Xiao doesn’t quite understand the depths of either of their feelings. “I am too,” he exhales, reaching out to squeeze Xiao’s hand in his own. It’s cold and rough and bumpy, but it feels a bit like home to Aether. “Thank you, Xiao, for always answering my call.”
Thank you for existing. Thank you for being here.