Chapter Text
They are in the middle of a calm dinner when a single sound changes the atmosphere within a heartbeat. From peaceful to tense through nothing more but the ringing of the door bell.
Kazutora is immediately on alert, changing his chopstick for the gun hidden in his jacket like a businessman would grab his phone.
“Get into the bathroom,” he orders in a firm whisper as he loads the weapon. “Quick.”
Chifuyu, who just stuffed his mouth with a piece of chicken and rice, stares at Kazutora as if he just asked him to grow a pair of wings and fly to the moon.
Only a second ago, they were talking about Kazutora’s favorite kind of movies and now the man stands in front of him with a loaded weapon that could easily kill a person.
It’s absurd, but the reality of this world never fails to hit him in the face like an unexpected fist.
“But – ,” he says dumbly, without really knowing where to go with this, but is interrupted right away.
“Now.”
Chifuyu swallows his urge to offer any help, because hands down, he’d be about as useful as a pebble if it came down to it and rather a burden. Instead, he is quick to get to his feet and only allows himself a single saddened look at the meal they have to abandon.
It’s stupid, considering their situation, but he really wanted to have something nice for them. A moment of much needed peace, especially for Kazutora. They spent the last hour preparing everything to the sound of soft indie rock and Chifuyu actually managed to start something like a real conversation. It was about mundane things, but that made it all the more valuable. He can’t imagine that Kazutora ever got asked about the music he likes or where he wants to travel to one day, which is a pretty sad notion if you ask him…
But suddenly, these things are mercilessly pushed aside like the most loved toys of a child by the hands of a strict father.
Reality truly is the harshest parent to teach a lesson.
Chifuyu follows Kazutora’s lead into the living space as quickly as possible to the sound of his madly pounding heart, until an urgent knock at the door sends ice through his veins.
“Chifuyu? Kazutora? Are you in there?”
It’s Takemichi’s voice and Kazutora’s face immediately loses all of its color.
“Hide,” he orders curtly, forcing his face back into a motionless mask, but the firm grip around his gun thightens.
Chifuyu swallows, words of objection about to break out of his mouth, but there’s something about Kazutora’s expression that makes him choke them down and head for the bathroom. It’s the blatant fear shimmering through the gold in his eyes like tiny black holes, devouring all of his hopes and efforts.
“I don’t mean any harm, please – ” Takemichi’s muffled voice seeps through the door. “I traveled a long, uhm, distance to get here.”
Chifuyu stops in his movement, hand already on the handle of the door as realization kicks in.
“It’s Takemichi…,” he whispers, heart breathing a sigh of relief. “The Takemichi from my world… Kazutora – ”
Instead of ease, Chifuyu is met with warily narrowed eyes when he turns his head.
“No. Stay back. I don’t trust this,” Kazutora mumbles and urges him with a hasty gesture to get inside already. Chifuyu hesitates, but complies with an understanding smile on his lips. Kazutora has seen too much to ever lower his guard.
After slipping through the door, he keeps it ajar to listen to the conversation that is about to unfold.
“How did you find this place?” Kazutora’s voice echoes through the room like an accusation and Takemichi’s still muffled voice tells him that he kept the door closed.
“Kazutora! I…well, Chifuyu told me to check this place if he’s not in his apartment, so I came here. Is he with you...?” The careful smile on his lips is audible in every syllable of his voice. “I need to talk to him. About – a different time.”
There’s a meaningful pause, before a key is being turned and the door opens with a soft clicking sound. Kazutora gestures quickly towards their unexpected guest to get inside just to close the door behind his back immediately.
Peaking through the small gap between door and frame, Chifuyu can spot the familiar mob of dark hair that fills him with warmth and hope instead of unease and concern.
“Takemichi…?” Chifuyu mumbles, a broad smile on his lips as he dares to step into his field of vision.
“Chifuyu!” Takemichi runs towards him, tears of relief shimmering in his eyes as he mimics his grin and pulls him into a tight hug. “Thank god you're safe!”
It feels like the first ray of sunshine after a long and hard winter. A glimmer of hope in the darkest of nights. A piece of home that his heart longs for in silence.
Squeezing his shoulders, Takemichi takes a step back to get a better look at him. Check for signs of mistreatment or injuries maybe, but he had the most loyal and reliable protector at his side.
“I was so worried – and I’m so sorry that I threw you into this mess! I didn’t mean for this to happen! I had no idea, really! If something had happened to you, I would never have forgiven myself!" Takemichi bubbles out, but Chifuyu brushes it aside with a soft smile and a warmth in his voice that betrays his genuine gratitude.
“Don’t worry, partner. I had the best guardian ever to protect me.”
He lifts his head and nods toward Kazutora who keeps a careful distance, face blank and impassive as he watches them in silence. It’s a terribly lonely sight of a man who’s convinced that he doesn’t belong to this and isn’t needed anymore. A man who’d never dare to interrupt and wouldn’t complain if Chifuyu left without another word or look at him.
His heart aches in compassion. “Kazutora alway had my back,” he says, giving him his most grateful smile.
Kazutora seems startled for a second only, before he gives him a curt nod. “Of course.”
Takemichi sends him an appreciative smile as well, but his words will probably fall on deaf ears. “I never doubted that…”
They gather at the couch to discuss what happened during the past days, or rather Takemichi and Chifuyu do, while Kazutora keeps his distance, arms crossed in front of his chest, not leaving Takemichi out of his sight for a single second. His distrust is obvious, but something changes in his expression as soon as the other Chifuyu is mentioned. It’s just a tiny flicker of hope, of longing, but Chifuyu can see it clear as day.
“I already explained it to your other self, but I think the key to change things back lies here with you,” Takemichi concludes. “Since it also started with you. Sorry again, for literally pushing you into this.” His smile is apologetic now, but Chifuyu sticks to a slight frown, giving this some thought.
“So all of this was triggered when you gave me a push to prevent me from being run over by a car…”
“Yes. So maybe if I gave you another push at the exact same location – ”
“Don’t you think another handshake might be enough?” Chifuyu interrupts him to which Takemichi only gives him a surprised look.
“Huh?”
“I am also your current trigger, aren’t I? So maybe that would be enough to let us both switch times.” Chifuyu shrugs and sinks deeper into the couch. “I mean it’s worth a try. And if it fails, you can still give me a push on that street a second time.”
Takemichi stares at him in utter surprise before a wide grin spreads at his face. “Chifuyu! You’re brilliant as always!”
They fall into laughter and for a moment, everything feels pleasantly normal as if he’s already back in his own world. There are still some things left he needs to take care of though.
His eyes wander to Kazutora and a soft smile forms on his lips.
“Kazutora. Can we talk for a second…?”
They retreat into the tiny kitchen where the rest of their meal is still waiting to be eaten. Maybe they should invite Takemichi to finish it with them, but Kazutora doesn’t look comfortable with this situation. He’d probably prefer to be on his own now, but never say it out loud.
Cautiously, Chifuyu watches his fingers digging into the flesh of his upper arms to fight the tension inside.
Oh, how much he wishes he could do more for this Kazutora…
With a gentle smile on his lips, he starts to speak in the softest tone, despite the thick lump forming in his throat.
“I’m not sure if this is going to work so easily, but just in case, I wanted to say goodbye to you. You really did a lot for me and I appreciate it so much.” His smile deepens. “I can't even imagine what kind of pressure that must have been for you. Looking out for me all the time while dealing with your own stuff… but you made me feel safe and I’m so grateful for that. Without you… I would have been so lost here.”
It’s nothing but the truth and Kazutora deserves to hear all of it. Looking him straight into the eyes, slightly widened in surprise, he says, “You were like my anchor. A safe harbor. So thank you, Kazutora. I’m forever going to appreciate it – and I’m sure the other Chifuyu appreciates it as well.” Trying to add some humor into this, he goes for a light grin. “If he doesn’t, I’m going to come back and kick his ass.”
Kazutora seems frozen. Overwhelmed. Shocked even, like a deer caught in the headlights, but he quickly snaps out of it, setting his gaze to a spot somewhere behind his back, avoiding his gaze without turning his head away.
When he speaks, his voice is quiet and firm like the whisper of a lonely mountain. “You don’t need to thank me. It was the obvious thing to do.” He shifts his gaze slightly, daring to look him straight into the eyes now. “I am the one who needs to thank you. For – ” He swallows the word that lingers on the tip of his tongue. “Dealing with me. Here and in that world of yours. I hope you can figure things out for yourself and that I’m not going to be a burden for you.”
“You’d never be a burden for me, Kazutora,” Chifuyu replies warmly, his tone carrying the eternal sadness that Kazutora will never quite get that mindset out of his head; neither this one, nor his.
Then he pauses, only for an instant, before he opens his arms to wrap them around his counterpart until the tension in his bones eases and the gesture is carefully returned.
“Thank you,” Chifuyu whispers one last time before he slowly retreats, heart heavy with the knowledge that he can’t save the man in front of him from this cruel world; but if he has managed to lighten the burden on his shoulders even for a small instant, he’d be content.
Kazutora looks at him as if there’s still something he wants to say, but all he comes up with is a quiet, “You shouldn’t let him wait,” as he nods towards the door.
Chifuyu isn’t sure whether he means Takemichi or the other Kazutora he’s never going to meet.
“I’m ready,” he announces when he returns to the sparse living space. Takemichi gets up from the couch, eyes darting fourth and back between the two of them and something knowing sneaks into his smile.
“Alright,” he gives Chifuyu a nod, before turning his attention to Kazutora. “Thank you for keeping an eye on him and… I’m sorry,” he admits, his friendly smile tinged with deepest regret. “I really am. I know that I totally screwed up in this world, but I swear that I’m making up for it.”
Kazutora gives him nothing but a wary glance, face remaining blank and cold as a wall made of ice and Chifuyu does wonder if Takemichi knows something about the future of this world, but something keeps him from asking.
This time travel stuff is confusing enough and although there’s a notable ache in his heart when he thinks about leaving Kazutora behind, he wants nothing more but to finally return home again.
He isn’t made for this world full of deceiving and lies, but deep inside he does hope that his other self can manage to find some peace here. With Kazutora at his side he has the most loyal companion one could ask for.
Heart pounding like mad, Chifuyu reaches out his hand to Takemichi. It trembles a little, but he clings to a determined smile as he gives his partner a nod. “I’m ready.”
He tries not to give all of his hopes into this to save himself the possible disappointment of failure, but expectation lies thick in the air. It just has to work… no matter how insignificant a simple handshake may seem, he has to believe that it’s powerful enough to send him back home.
“Alright.”
Takemichi returns his smile, but before their fingers touch, Chifuyu directs his gaze to Kazutora one last time. Gives him a smile full of encouragement, full of gratitude and he is sure that the silent ‘thank you’ he forms with his lips does reach him.
Then, suddenly, time seems to come to a halt. Chifuyu can’t breathe. Can’t even blink. Pure current seems to run through his hand, his arm, his body. The world around him implodes. Shrinks like a piece of paper pressed into a ball, until there’s nothing left but darkness. Pitch-black, suffocating darkness. Suffocating. He’s suffocating in this ocean of nothingness and just when everything seems to become too much to handle for his mind, his body, his whole existence, it stops as suddenly as it has started.
Breathing heavily, Chifuyu finds himself lying on his back. It’s dark around him, but in a way that is familiar like the color of the night. A soft blanket lies comfortably on his body and he can spot the outline of the new lamp he bought some weeks ago on the ceiling.
Turning his head left he can also recognize the shape of his nightstand, but when he examines the right side his gaze falls onto an empty space in bed. Blinking, Chifuyu gets up into a seating position.
He’s in his own bedroom. Alone.
Well, nearly alone. Woken up by his movements, the dark silhouette of a small body with pointed ears stretches on the blanket with a quiet yawn. Peke J shakes his head a little before he trots closer and curls up on his upper thighs.
“Peke J…,” he whispers, voice laced with a wave of emotions that make his sight go blurry and his heart sigh in deepest relief.
"I'm back," he murmurs as he leans down to wrap his arms around his longest friend and nuzzle his face into the soft fur. “I’m finally back…”
Peke J grants him a few minutes in this position before it becomes too much and he flows out of his embrace as if he’s made of water, jumping down onto the floor with another jawn.
Chifuyu watches him with fondness, heart heavy with something wistful, but he only allows himself a few breaths to savor the sight, driven by the inner urge to go and find the man he misses with every aching heartbeat.
Quickly he gets up, heart in his mouth as he rushes to Kazutora’s room first only to find it empty. His heart sinks, irrational fears digging their claws into his mind, until he notices the soft noises of the tv in the background.
A knowing smile sneaks onto his lips as memories of past nights flood his mind, where he found Kazutora huddled up on the couch, knees drawn to his chest as he watched silly sitcoms on the lowest volume level.
Whenever Chifuyu found him like this, he would quietly snuggle up to him and draw soothing circles onto his back until Kazutora leaned over to rest his head on his shoulder.
His pace quickens on its own until he nearly runs towards the living room. There’s an ache in his chest, a bone deep longing and when he spots a familiar head of black and blond strands, knotted skillfully into a messy bun, his name stumbles out of Chifuyu’s mouth like a prayer of relief.
“Kazutora…” His smile is wide enough to hurt and he stops for an instant, takes in the sight of the man he missed like the sun misses the moon.
The man in question is immediately on alert. “Chifuyu? What’s up? Are you alright?” He shifts his position and gets to his feet, concern written all over his face.
His heart aches in synch, for this is the Kazutora he knows. The one who doesn’t feel the need to hide his emotions, because he knows they’re safe with him.
“Yes…,” he whispers, his view getting all blurry again. “Now I am…”
“Chi – ” Kazutora stops when Chifuyu pulls him into the hug he longed for with every fiber of his body. Despite it all, he doesn’t hesitate for even a second, driven by the need to finally be reunited with his love after literally being worlds apart.
“...is it you?” Kazutora’s voice is barely audible, more a silent hope than a whisper.
Chifuyu nods against his chest, smiling through his watery eyes. “Yes. Yes, I’m back.”
He tightens his grip, which is answered by an even stronger embrace from Kazutora. “Oh my god, you’re back… you’re really back…” More words are mumbles into his hair and Chifuyu hears only half of them, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters besides the strong pair of arms that keeps him close, keeps him safe as if never wanting to let him go again. And for his part, he could remain like this forever and wouldn’t complain a single second.
Way too soon, however, Kazutora breaks the close contact in favor of getting a better look at him, but his hands remain on Chifuyu’s shoulders and he refuses to let go of Kazutora’s hips, both refusing to break their physical connection.
“Are you alright? Did someone – ” Kazutora gulps heavily. “Hurt you?” His golden eyes are stained with worries and deeply drawn by sleepless nights, giving him a much more wrecked appearance compared to himself and Chifuyu’s heart aches in compassion.
Giving his smile a warmer tone, he says, “No, I’m fine. Your other self kept me safe.”
“Thank god…,” Kazutora murmurs breathlessly, but doesn’t stop to scan every inch of his body for signs of harm.
“What about you?” Chifuyu picks up the thread. “Have I been rude to you? Do I need to punch that other Chifuyu in the face?” He does say it with a certain bitterness and anger swells up his throat by the mere thought that his other self pulled some shit in his absence and treated Kazutora badly.
“I wouldn’t let you,” Kazutora says, a gentle smile forming on his lips. “You’ve been through a lot in that other world, Chifuyu. It tore me apart and I could only do so little – but if I could’ve, I would have swapped places with him. Get you out of there.” Something infinitely sad sneaks into his expression while Chifuyu can only stare at him in disbelief.
“You’re such an idiot…,” he presses out quietly, shaking his head as he tightens the grip around Kazutora’s hips and gives him an insistent glance, “Don’t you dare leave me like that.”
Kazutora’s smile deepens. “I’d never want to leave you…,” he promises quietly and gives Chifuyu’s hand a squeeze, before intertwining their fingers to a much missed union.
Only a second later though, there’s a crack in Kazutora’s smile and he freezes, eyes growing wide in shock. “Your ring…,” he mumbles, voice shaking with fear and the pain that flashes over his face is like a stab right into his chest.
“I gave it to you…,” Chifuyu explains softly, reaching out a hand to cup Kazutora’s face and catch his gaze. “As a reminder that there is a world where I love you. Where we can be together. I know that the other Chifuyu will never tell your other self. He’ll never even admit it to himself. Besides…” His smile gets a little sheepish. “I’m gonna get another ring on our wedding day, won’t I…? The snowflake needs a tiger paw next to it.”
His heart clenches into the silence he is met with. Kazutora’s lips are slightly parted, but not a single word escapes them as a whirlwind of thoughts seems to run through his mind.
“I’m sorry,” Chifuyu apologizes softly, thumb caressing his cheek tenderly. “I still treasure that ring with all of my heart, but I thought you’d need it more than me – and I know it’s safe with you.”
“Chifuyu…” Kazutora’s voice is stifled in a quiet sob and he wraps his arms around him without any restraints, body shaking like a leaf. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for fucking things up and making you worry. I never meant to – I’m just – I never wanted to hurt you…” His voice nearly cracks and his tears drip gently onto the skin of Chifuyu’s neck. Kazutora is clinging to him like a drowning man clings to the last remains of air in his lungs and he barely presses a breath in between the sobs.
“Shhh. I know.” Chifuyu presses him closer, fingers drawing gentle circles on his back. “I’m just so fucking scared to lose you – it would break me.” Exhaling quietly, he lets his other hand slide to Kazutora’s neck and gently guides his head out of the shelter it found in the crane of his neck, until their foreheads touch. “So please… please just stay out of trouble. Do it for us.” He withdraws just enough to get a look at Kazutora’s wetly glistening eyes, giving him his most affectionate, his most pained smile. “It couldn’t exist without you.”
Kazutora’s upper lip trembles and another tear breaks loose, running silently over his left cheek where the bruises have faded to a yellowish tone.
Then he nods eagerly, regret coloring not only his expression but also the tone of his voice. “Your other self told me to get a new number and I will. I – promise to let it go. I’m not going to destroy this. I’m so sorry, Chifuyu…” More tears well up in his eyes and Chifuyu's face softens with compassion as he pulls him closer again, allowing Kazutora to let it all out in the safety of his arms.
They stay like this for a little eternity, caught in too many thoughts, too many emotions to clad into words, but it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that they are together. United. Chest to chest. Heart to heart.
And so they wait until the storm passes. Until the tears are dry. Until the trembling eases.
Gently, Chifuyu caresses the back of Kazutora’s head and only retreats a little to get a look at his face. His eyes are swollen and red, but the smile on his face brims with gratitude and adoration and love. Genuine and utmost love.
With his thumb, Chifuyu brushes away the last remains of salt on Kazutora’s cheeks, mimicking his expression. His heart swells with affection, with fondness and when he leans in closer, brushes his lips against a mouth that knows the melody of his soul, he can finally taste home again; taste happiness; taste love.
They kiss and smile and hold each other until Peke J makes an appearance to demand food and even then they barely can keep their hands away from each other, always trying to stay connected.
Over a cup of coffee out of his favorite mug, in a kitchen that speaks of comfort and bears many signs of life, they talk over the last couple of days. Their fingers are intertwined on the table, forming a bond neither wants to break.
Chifuyu is well aware that there are still many things they need to work through and wounds that need time to heal but he knows with every fiber of his body that it’s worth the fight. This is the life, the person he wants and no one else.
So later, when they’re huddled together at the couch, arms and legs entangled like the roots of an old oak, enjoying each other's company and warmth, Chifuyu whispers, “Let’s marry tomorrow. Just the two of us.”
Kazutora, whose head rests peacefully at his shoulder, gives him a quick, surprised glance before the smile flows into each of his words.
“Yes. Always yes.”
And although they don't really need a ring or an official document to know they belong together, it’s a beautiful reminder of what’s most precious to him. No matter in which world.
❄ ❄ ❄
Chifuyu wakes up without his gun. Considering the past days, it shouldn’t come as a surprise, but the suit he wears tells an entirely different story. So does the situation he finds himself in.
It’s probably weird that he can tell from the floor alone where he is, but the man hovering over him with concerned eyes freezes like a child caught in the act when he notices his stare.
“Chifuyu…” Kazutora mumbles, tone unusually soft and pulls back his arms, which he probably used to cushion his fall, face turning to a motionless expression in the blink of an eye.
Propping himself onto his elbows first, Chifuyu gets into a seating position. Every move he makes is carefully observed by pools of gold, but not a single question leaves Kazutora’s lips.
He waits attentively as always, calculating his next steps as if constantly walking on eggshells.
Chifuyu can tell immediately that he’s back in his own world by Kazutora’s behavior alone and he gives the man a short nod and a, “Hey,” eyeing him just as intensely as he does. His gaze falls onto a fresh bandage, reminding him about his last memories before the change of worlds happened. Their messy escape. The graze shot. The sudden darkness. All of it seems to have happened years ago, in another life, although it’s just been a few days.
“You alright?”
Kazutora hesitates as a hunch turns into a certainty and Chifuyu can’t help but to wonder if he is disappointed by being stuck with him again. He couldn’t really blame him, considering that his other self was probably a lot nicer and overall a better version of himself, but the notion stings like a knife between his ribs. The upper ones, located at the left side of his body.
“Yes.” Kazutora reveals soberly and reaches out a hand to help him get up. Chifuyu takes it with an appreciative nod, gripping tightly to it as if to remind himself that he really is back with the Kazutora he knows. The one he shares his burdens with. The one that knows how to handle him.
“What about your arm?” Chifuyu brings his fingers closer to the bandage, but Kazutora slightly turns away.
“It was just a graze shot,” he plays it down as predicted, but Chifuyu remains persistent.
“Yeah, I remember. Let me take a look.”
“That’s not necessary. It’s not that bad.”
Maybe that’s true, but Chifuyu takes a proper look anyway. He feels strangely obliged to as if to prove to Kazutora or himself or that other Chifuyu that he’s not so bad after all. That he does care. It’s just – not so easy.
“Your other self stayed safe,” Kazutora fills the silence while he takes a look at the wound, which heals clean and nicely. It’s been taken care of properly and something tells him that it’s not the work of Kazutora’s hands. He wouldn’t take himself that important. “I could keep him away from most things.” Kazutora’s jaw tightens visibly. “Except for one job.”
“What kind of job?” Chifuyu asks and busies himself with putting on a fresh bandage that wasn’t really needed in the first place, but better be safe than sorry or something. The truth is that he never really bothered with this stuff more than taking care of the necessary steps, which is usually just a quick first aid. Not out of ignorance or cruelty – it’s just never been the highest on his priority list to check after avoiding collateral damage.
Meanwhile, Kazutora only needs to tell him two keywords for his face to darken immediately. “Black Cherry.” Noting the obvious change in his mood, he casually adds, “He did well. Beat himself up over it afterwards, but managed to deal with it.”
“What else happened?” Chifuyu asks sharply, trying to push the notion away what his other self probably thought about all of this. It doesn’t matter and it’s none of that Chifuyu’s business anyway, but somehow, the thought annoys him.
He doesn’t need a second self to judge the sacrifices he is willing to make.
While Kazutora gives him a quick overview about what happened in his absence, Chifuyu takes his missing gun from the coffee table like another man would grab his wallet. Not a single bullet is missing, which matches Kazutora’s explanations and the absence of disaster happening.
A rare wave of relief washes over him. From all the countless possibilities where his other self could have fucked up, royaly, he actually managed to get through this without causing armageddon or blow to bits everything he has been fighting for these past years.
That’s a win – and mostly Kazutora’s merit. Without him, that other Chifuyu would have been more than fucked.
Kazutora uses his thoughtful silence to now ask a question in return. “What about you?” Are you alright? It’s silently written between the lines, but Chifuyu pretends to be deaf.
“What do you mean?”
“How was the world you had to deal with?” Kazutora doesn’t reveal any emotions and Chifuyu can’t quite tell what he’s aiming at, but he decides to keep it rather vague. Summing this up would mean to dig deeper into certain things he cannot afford to affect him here. This isn’t a playground, but his reality where every mistake could lead to a messy death.
“It’s different, but easy to handle.”
Kazutora’d probably like to ask more. Find out about his other self or how he dealt with him. That other Chifuyu probably told him plenty about his own world and he can’t really imagine how Kazutora might have reacted to that. To the revelation that there is a world where there’s more between them than business and silence and fights and sex as a form of anger management.
But despite the countless questions lingering in the air like ghosts, Kazutora keeps his silence stoically and accepts that he won’t get more.
And usually, their interaction could end right here and now. There’s a lot Chifuyu needs to check and take care of and he got all the important information from Kazutora, but leaving him behind just like that doesn’t feel right.
Not after everything that happened.
There’s a lot to sort out, stuff he neither has time nor nerves for and he absolutely won’t deal with any of this now, but seeing that other world, that other Kazutora, clearly didn’t pass without a trace. For neither of them.
And in all honesty, Chifuyu did miss him and for once, he doesn’t just want to run away and push this aside. For once, he just wants to take a fucking rest. They both deserve this.
So instead of saying his goodbye and going back to normal, pretending nothing really happened, Chifuyu states, “Let’s grab something to eat, find a cheap hotel room and call it a day.” It sounds more like an order than a suggestion, but Kazutora doesn’t seem to comply so easily.
“What?”
There’s a deep crease between his eyebrows and his confusion is thick enough to be cut with a knife. Considering the watchful glance in his eyes, maybe he even ponders if it’s really him or the other Chifuyu or whatever.
Chifuyu suppresses a deep sigh, but he can’t really blame him. It is unusual. But then again, he just came back from a different timeline, which is something like the epitome of unusual.
“You’ve been on edge constantly for the past few days, haven’t you? So let’s get you out of here for a bit.” Chifuyu busies himself with his suit now while talking, checking if everything is in place. “We could watch a movie or something. Or just get some rest. Let things set for a bit.” He lifts his head to meet Kazutora’s gaze again. “Let’s do something nice once in a while.”
Kazutora’s expression is hard to read, the difference to that other Kazutora obvious like day and night, but Chifuyu can tell that he’s cautious. Not averse, but hesitant. He doesn’t object though and gives him a quick nod, fingers buried in the pocket of his jacket, probably busy fidgeting with his lighter or a pack of cigarettes.
“Alright.”
The mood between them is hard to describe, but if Chifuyu had to choose a word, he’d probably use awkward.
When they head for his car, Kazutora picks the driver’s seat door without giving a second thought, before realization makes him back away. With the door half opened, he suddenly retreats as if he got burned by the handle only to walk around the car and take his seat as a passenger.
Neither of them talks during the drive, which isn’t unusual per se, but the air between them is charged with unspoken words and thoughts and emotions that never came that close to the surface before.
They both keep it in, but there’s enough written between the lines to see it bright and clear. Messy words, pouring forth like spilled ink in colors of different emotions that neither would dare to name, bringing up more questions than answers, but that’s perfectly fine.
They can rely on each other without a single word being spoken.
An hour later Chifuyu finds himself in the middle of a lower-class hotel room mainly used by unsatisfied businessmen. While Kazutora chose to settle down at the left side of the huge bed that takes up most of the space in the cramped room, Chifuyu rummages through the different items he bought from the combini next door.
“Here.” He throws a pack of Kazutora’s most used cigarette brand into his lap. Chifuyu never asked whether it’s his favorite one or just something he got used to over time, but he appreciates it anyway.
“Thanks.” Kazutora, who sits rigidly like a statue on the bed, lets it slide into the pockets of his jacket and carefully watches every step that Chifuyu takes. He seems out of place like a tiger in an aquarium and clearly doesn’t know how to act, because this is a huge deviation from their usual script.
While they do meet up in hotel rooms from time to time it’s only ever to exchange information or let off some steam. It’s never like this, just for the sake of doing something nice together and Kazutora clearly doesn’t know how to take this.
It pisses Chifuyu off and the worst part is that he only got himself to blame.
Fueled by whatever weird feeling bubbles up in his stomach, he throws a six pack of canned beer right into the space next to Kazutora with a bit too much force, followed by a huge bag of overly sweetened caramel popcorn, which is another thing that kind of just happened.
Chifuyu saw it and grabbed it without giving it too much thought. Nothing about this happened out of rational thinking to begin with.
Showing these useless things aside, Chifuyu kicks off his shoes and settles on the bed as well. Even to him this feels weird and unnatural, but he just grabs one of the cans with one hand and uses the other one to navigate the remote.
“What do you want to watch?” he asks and gives Kazutora a short side glance. Honestly, he doesn’t really have a clue what he prefers.
“You can pick.”
“Is there nothing you like?”
Kazutora is silent for a few seconds, giving his answer some thought. “I watch nature documentaries sometimes. Or whatever movie runs late at night.”
Yeah, that’s not helpful at all, but Chifuyu isn’t any better himself. Doing things that he actually enjoys hasn’t been too high on his priority list lately, meaning the past years.
With an annoyed sigh, he zaps through the different channels and lands on a predictable action movie that doesn’t need much thought. It’s mediocre at best, but more than sufficient. This isn’t about the movie anyway. It’s about – taking a breath of fresh air. Appreciate that there’s someone who is willing to fight by his side until the bitter end. Something like that.
It’s still a little awkward at first, but soon, the atmosphere settles into something more neutral. Even Kazutora relaxes into a more comfortable position over time and picks up the canned green tea that Chifuyu got for him.
It’s very different from the way he did this with the other Kazutora on his last night in that opposite world. From the place to the movie to the overall mood in the room. Even the popcorn can’t compare to the selfmade one, but when he reaches it over to Kazutora to let him have a try, his gaze gets caught on the man who most likely never tried caramel popcorn before.
Chifuyu watches him closely. Looks for a hint of that gleam he saw in that other Kazutora’s eyes when he got excited over something, but all he gets is a confused frown.
“Everything alright?” asks Kazutora, who just picked up another single popcorn and freezes in his movement.
Something inside Chifuyu aches, faintly, like a long forgotten melody.
“It’s good to be back,” he reveals a thought he didn’t pay any attention to up till now. It’s a truth that’s risky to share, but he threw caution into the wind the second he suggested coming here.
Kazutora nods quietly. “Yeah. I’m glad too.”
There’s a moment of silence where Chifuyu studies the features of his face. Looks for signs of another truth, but finds nothing to prove it.
Still, he digs deeper. Corners Kazutora until he gets an answer that fits his own beliefs. “You sure?” Chifuyu takes a huge sip of beer and lets out a bitter snort. “That’s hard to believe.”
Kazutora parts his lips, but only gives him a questioning glance.
“That other Chifuyu probably was a lot nicer.”
“He was from a different world. He didn’t understand this.” Kazutora gestures vaguely into the air, but he still doesn’t let it go.
“But you liked him.” Chifuyu makes it sound like an accusation, although he has no right in the world to be pissed about it. It’s only natural. And it doesn’t matter anyway.
Kazutora remains silent for a while, lower lip caught between his teeth, but he doesn’t shy away from his gaze when he says, “He isn’t you.” His voice is quiet enough to be a product of Chifuyu’s imagination, but Kazutora’s lips are still moving, forming words to counter him. “He didn’t pick me up from prison. Or gave me a purpose.”
“He did all of that stuff for another Kazutora. He probably would have done it for you as well.” He points out, eyebrows raised as if to challenge Kazutora to argue further against him. Which he does.
“Just like you did.”
They look at each other for a few seconds until Chifuyu is the first one to retreat with a deep sigh.
“I always thought I was the stubborn one…,” he mumbles, taking another sip of beer to wash away the strange taste on his tongue, but some words remain, urging to be said.
An explosion flickers over the tv and although they both keep their gaze on the screen, neither of them really pays much attention to it.
When Chifuyu eventually speaks again, his voice is rough and heavy with things he keeps pushing away, but he can count on Kazutora to ignore it. Not the words themselves, though. They do leave an impact.
“Thank you. For sticking with me through all of that shit.”
Another explosion hits the tv screen. Kazutora keeps his gaze at the can in his lap, fingers playing with something inside his pocket. If Chifuyu could take a look inside, he’d see a ring that will remain even when their memories of that strange encounter fade with time, leaving nothing but a soft whisper in the back of their heads, unable to grasp or pin down.
But Kazutora’s words remain in his head and maybe, just maybe, they also reach a place inside his heart… and if one day, he can allow himself to take a look inside, he’ll find them right there.
“Of course. Always…”