Chapter Text
Hinata woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. He felt like he woke up a brand new man. For once in the past week, he woke up feeling pumped and ready to take on the day without any of the extra soreness that Oikawa brought when he came over. He also woke up at five on the dot, the time he was supposed to be awake by.
He practically jumped out of bed, quickly tucking in the sheets to make it appear somewhat neat. He then went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and change out the bandaids covering up the fading marks on his neck.
Surprisingly, when Hinata made his way to the kitchen, the figure of his mother's silhouette crept into the light. "Shouyou! I haven't seen you in a hot minute!" She chuckled, voice booming, always so lively no matter how early the hour was. Before Hinata had the chance to blink, she smothered him in a hug, burying her nose into his fluffy hair.
Hinata tensed for only a second before returning her embrace with the smallest of smiles on his face. He couldn't remember the last time he hugged his mother. It had to have been almost a week ago. It was very rare for his mother to be home with her away at work all of the time. And when she did have free time, she spent it with Natsu or going out on dates.
It was hard not to resent his mother for it, even when he was younger, she had been pretty absent. When she was with him, she seemed to be in another world. Hinata knew his mother loved him, he just wasn't her first priority. And it was okay, he told himself.
Yet, he found himself at peace in the warmth of her arms. No matter how warm Sugawara's, or Kenma's embrace was, nothing could compare to the comfort of a mother. The place where he could truly let all of his guards down. "Hi mom," he muttered into the safe crook of her neck, sighing contently.
Hinata's mother pulled away, cracking a toothy grin. Hinata returned it easily. "I can drop off Natsu today and pick her up! I'm probably gonna take her to the park after school and then get something to eat with her. So we won't be home until night." She informed him while opening the fridge and pulling out some leftover rice.
"Alright."
Then, she turned around and her eyes transformed into saucers. "Shouyou! Baby! What happened to your neck!" She exclaimed, grabbing onto his shoulders to examine her son up close.
Hinata gulped, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. Why did everybody always have to point it out? He scrambled for a believable excuse to tell his mother because he couldn't just tell her, 'oh yeah, remember that dude I told you about a little bit ago, well he's my boyfriend now and he bites me.' Therefore, he settled for, "I got stung by bees."
"Those must've been some real mean bees," she giggled, smoothing over the edge of a bandaid with her thumb easily, like she had done it a thousand times before. "They were." Hinata mumbled bashfully.
"Be more careful next time," she advised before turning away and walking out of the kitchen without another word.
That was the thing about Hinata's mother. She liked to pretend to care, and worry, and fret over her son. Hinata learned a long time ago that it was all a front she put up to disguise her true nature. Nonetheless, he loved her, almost more than anything.
Hinata turned away from her retreating form to grab two slices of cake from the refrigerator.
Before leaving, Hinata quickly finished up the last bits of his homework from last night and grabbed his school bag.
Once at school, he took notice of how the campus was barren and devoid of any life, meaning he was the first to arrive. With a pep in his step, he locked up his bicycle, jogging over to the gym's entrance.
The morning was peaceful. The fresh air flowing past his nose, the gentle breeze ruffling up his hair. The sun rose ever so slowly, slivers of orange peaking through the blue abyss.
"Oi," Kageyama's voice boomed in Hinata's ear, abruptly startling Hinata out of his moment of peace. With the widening of brown eyes, Hinata looked to his side, catching sight of a grumpy setter standing with his arms crossed. "Hey, Kageyama."
"You're here early," Kageyama noted, raising a brow at the ginger. Hinata scoffed, the remains of a soft smile peaking through, "Duh, I'm ready to play volleyball." He piped back.
A sting on his forehead, led Hinata's eyes to watch Kageyama let his raised hand go back to lay at his side. "Really? I thought you were getting ready to play basketball." Kagayeama scoffed, mockingly, before a smug smirk made its way to his face. He was clearly pleased with himself.
Hinata pouted, rubbing the spot where Kageyama had so rudely flicked. "Stop being such a meanie, Bakayama!" Hinata stuck out his tongue at the taller, one of the ways he knew would antagonize the other if he had learned anything from his third year boyfriend.
"I guess you'd be too short to play basketball, anyway. But you're also too short to play volleyball, yet here we are." Kageyama shot back, grabbing onto Hinata's tongue and tugging. Hinata squawked, grabbing onto Kageyama's arm to escape the other's torment.
"Wha tha fli," Hinata spoke around Kageyama's fingers, whining before pulling away, and weakly punching at Kageyama's forearm once he was free. Kageyama chuckled mischievously.
"That's gross!" Hinata squeaked out, barely dodging a fist aimed his way. Continuing to rub at the injured spot on his forehead, that was now becoming a light shade of red, Hinata glared up at Kageyama.
A silence spread between the two. It wasn't awkward, but it wasn't exactly comfortable, either. There was so much unsaid. So much Kageyama had to say. So much Hinata had to say. Yet, Hinata didn't want to talk about it. He was perfectly content with continuing to act like nothing had happened. Like they were normal friends again.
Kageyama did not share the same sentiments.
"Hinata..." he said, in a voice unlike his own. It was spoken softly, carefully, as though he were approaching a wild animal, just waiting for it to lash out. Hinata tensed, his eyes darting away from Kageyama's form. He knew what was coming.
"Can we talk about it now?" Kageyama added, staring into Hinata's eyes. Hinata felt the weight of said gaze on his shoulders.
He wanted to say no. To shake his head and run away. He wanted to keep ignoring it. Ignoring what Kageyama had said. That Oikawa was only using him. How Kageyama regretted breaking up with him. How everything had turned into a mess.
Yet, Hinata knew, deep down, he couldn't keep running away forever. He had to put his big boy pants on. He needed to man up, all those cliche sayings. Simply put, he couldn't avoid it anymore.
It was time to face reality.
Reluctantly, Hinata turned to meet blue, sharp eyes, and he nodded.
With the green light, Kageyama spoke. "I... I wanted to say..." his face scrunched up in irritation. Hinata's head tilted to the side, trying to decipher what Kageyama would say next. "...to say... that I'm, uhm, I'm sorry." He finally got out, looking like he was constipated.
Hinata almost gasped. Kageyama... saying sorry...? This had to be a dream. No way. Not in the months of being acquainted with Kageyama, had he ever uttered those words before. Hinata had began to think that those words just weren't in his vocabulary yet.
"But, I don't take back what I said. I meant it." Okay, now that sounded more like the Kageyama he knew. Hinata was almost relieved to know that Kageyama hadn't been kidnapped and that this wasn't an imposter.
"I still want you back... I mean, I want you to give me another chance. You should break up with Oikawa." He added, looking determined.
Hinata felt an uncomfortable knot in his stomach. Why couldn't Kageyama take a hint? They were over. Why did he even want him in the first place? He really wasn't anything all that special.
"Kageyama... I don't think that's a good idea." He said quietly, guilt washing over him.
"I can't stand being just friends with you. Everyday I have to deal with seeing your stupid, cute face and I have to hold myself back..." Kageyama looked at the ground, his rising blush rivaling the one of a school girl confessing to her crush.
"Back from what?" Hinata asked- fighting the urge to comment on how his face wasn't stupid or cute- even though he had an inkling at what the other was getting at.
"From kissing you! From loving you! I.. I love..." Rare, salty tears gathered at Kageyama's dark eyes. A sudden drizzle in the usual cloudy weather.
Hinata's heart was stuck in his throat. Kageyama couldn't be serious. He couldn't. He couldn't possibly love him... right? That wasn't possible. There was no way. No way in hell. Maybe he was going to say he loved volleyball. That would make a lot more sense.
"I love you." He managed to get out after a few seconds. A single tear slid down his pale cheek. As soon as the tear had escaped, it was gone, because Kageyama had furiously wiped it away, clearing his throat. "There, I said it. I love you."
Hinata gulped, eyebrows knitting together in a mixture of emotions. He didn't know what to feel.
"I'm sorry." He found himself saying, even though he shouldn't have felt sorry, he meant it. He felt it. "I'm sorry, I, I can't..." he stuttered, eyes darting to look away from Kageyama's sorrowful face.
"You can't what? Hinata don't tell me you can't love me." A quiet sniffle racked Kageyama's body.
"I loved you, but it's too late now." That familiar lump in his throat returning at full force.
Kageyama took a step closer, only a foot away. A breeze ruffled up Kageyama's dark locks until they rested against his forehead. His blue eyes shimmered with his suppressed tears in the rising sun, and if you looked really hard, you would be able to see his bottom lip wobble. He looked so hopeless. So sad.
Hinata wanted to do nothing more than to wipe at the taller's eyes. To wrap him up in his arms and comfort him. To tell him everything would be okay. But, he couldn't. The wind brushed past the two. An invisible wall separating them. Maybe it had been there all along, or maybe it had just materialized. Yet, the wall didn't feel new. Like it had always been there, they'd just been too ignorant to take notice of it. The wall was there when they talked, when they kissed, whenever they argued.
They could never get their timing right, could they? Maybe it was the universe's way of telling them they didn't belong together. That they would never truly work out. Maybe it was about time that they finally listened.
"I'll wait for you." Kageyama promised.
He was never one to listen.
Hinata's jaw unhinged, an involuntary tear sliding down his cheek.
"Hello dumb and dumber," a stoic, antagonizing voice echoed in Hinata's ears. In a burst of shock, he whipped around to face the tallest first year on the team.
"Tsukishima." Kageyama gritted out from beside him, eyes narrowing to mere slits.
Tsukishima acknowledged the setter with a brief, unimpressed look over, only causing the furrow in the setters eyebrows to deepen. "Shrimp, where's my cake?" He raised his brows.
Hinata's eyes widened, quickly springing into action and rummaging in his bag for the two slices he had packed. With a slight jerk to his movements, he handed them over.
A small grin slithered its way to Tsukishima's dry lips. "Glad to see you actually remembered this time." He chuckled in his usual mocking way, that made Hinata feel even smaller. Like he would always be lesser than the boy in front of him. With a slight grimace, he nodded.
"What the fuck? Why are you giving Tsukishima food?" Kageyama scowled, turning his attention the stiff boy beside him. Before Hinata had the chance to even open his mouth, Tsukishima was already answering for him.
"So I won't tell the team about how the two of you were boyfriends." He said simply. "Oh and so I won't tell them about how I caught Hinata and Oikawa fucking right next to school grounds."
"We weren't fucking!" Hinata hissed, glaring up at the glasses wearing menace.
"What? Why the fuck would you tell fucking Tsukishima about us dating?" Kageyama accused, his voice booming with his bottled up frustration, gripping onto the front of Hinata's shirt. Hinata quickly scrambled around to grab onto Kageyama's arm, trying to find purchase anywhere he could as the tips of his toes barely grazed the cement floor.
"I didn't!" He defended, his voice squeakier than normal. What had made Kageyama so upset all of the sudden?
Kageyama stared into Hinata's eyes, the windows to his soul. The entrance to all of his feelings and all of his thoughts. He didn't really look angry, no matter how much his body appeared to be. He looked more sad, more regretful. In a way, he looked determined.
In silence, Kageyama told him, 'I'm not going to give up on you.'
"You can let 'your queen' down now, he's telling the truth, I figured out on my own." Tsukishima interjected, arms crossed across his chest. His words broke whatever trance the two were in, and in a matter of seconds, Hinata was safely back on his feet.
Kageyama's scowl only deepened. "And how the hell did you figure out?" He glared.
Hinata stared up at Kageyama's face before straightening out his poor, newly wrinkled, shirt.
"I'm smart, unlike you two." Tsukishima's lip twitched up into his arrogant smirk. Hinata rolled his eyes, did Tsukishima always have to insult his intelligence?
Kageyama bit his tongue, narrowing his eyes at the blonde before turning back to Hinata, with fearful eyes. "Hinata, is it true?"
Hinata raised a brow, "is what true?"
"You really had sex with Oikawa at school?" He asked, lowering his voice to a whisper, considerate of anybody that could possibly overhear.
Hinata shook his head, fidgeting with the sleeve of his shirt. "No, Tsukishima just caught us kissing in Tooru-san's car." He explained, avoiding eye contact.
Tsukishima snorted, "Oh, please, you were doing a lot more than just kissing."
"What's that supposed to mean, asshole?" Kageyama gritted the insult out, looking right about ready to pounce on the snickering blonde.
"What I mean is that they were fixing to fuck, and if I hadn't intervened, little Hinata would've been having sex at school."
"Shut up, Tsukishima. What Tooru-san and I do together is nobody's business but our own." Hinata bit back, trying his best to stand his ground in front of Kageyama.
"It's my business when you do it in public." Tsukishima leaned down as though he was talking to a child.
"It was in his car!" Hinata corrected, agitated more than ever.
"Yeah, it was in a car that had windows. You can see inside of windows, shrimp!" Tsukishima 'tsk'ed, straightening up to his fullheight to look down at the ginger in front of him.
Sometimes he wished he could disappear, so he could get a breather, so he could leave all of the things gnawing at him from the inside out. All of the things that weighed him down, changed him, put a frown on his face and the devastating crease in his eyes. He was tired; tired of pretending it didn't bother him, all of the comments, the forced touches, the malicious smirks. He wished he could go to his safe place, the satisfying smack of his hand hitting the hard ball, the burn in his forearms and quads. The place where he felt free.
"Hello my amazing kouhais!" A loud, booming voice interrupted Hinata's spiral of thoughts. Three heads whipped around to come face to face with the source of said noise. Ah, of course it was Tanaka.
"I woke up pumped today!" He exclaimed, fishing keys out of his bag to unlock the gym doors. When he opened the entrance, he turned back, expecting looks of excitement on his fellow teammates faces. Instead, he was met with a dead panned look, furrowed brows, and blood shot eyes.
"Erm, I sense that the tension is very high," Tanaka chuckled awkwardly, trying his best to clear the air. "Don't tell me y'all are fighting again."
Tsukishima was the first to speak up. "Nah, we're all good." He replied nonchalantly, walking past the upperclassman.
Kageyama nodded, his gaze lingering on Hinata's still form. Hinata met his gaze for a split second before darting away.
Kageyama walked away.
A rough hand slapped his shoulder, eliciting a violent flinch from the ginger. "Tanaka-senpai!" He yelped, putting a hand over his chest to calm his erratic heart.
"Hinata! My favorite kouhai! What's up with you? You haven't been acting like yo'self lately." Tanaka swung an arm around Hinata's shoulders.
Hinata chuckled, trying to brush off the fact that Tanaka was right. "I'm perfectly fine, senpai!" He saw right through him.
"Alright, kouhai, whatever you say! Just know that I'm always here if you ever need someone to talk to." Tanaka said sincerely, giving a light squeeze to Hinata's shoulder.
Hinata smiled softly, bringing an arm around Tanaka's torso to pull the older boy into a grateful hug. Burying his head into Tanaka's chest, he breathed in the aroma of slight musk and the lingering scent of old spice. It was nice, to be able to hold someone he knew cared for him, to be able to relax and feel safe in the arms of someone he trusted.
With a bright grin, Tanaka enthusiastically wrapped his arms around Hinata. The sudden hug was unexpected, but he was always happy to be affectionate.
"Heya, Tanaka! Shouyou!"
With a jump, Hinata shot up and away from the hug. His eyes darted over to Nishinoya's energetic form. "Hi, Noya-senpai!" He greeted back, giving a small smile to his upperclassman.
With a grin, Tanaka went over and greeted Nishinoya, leaving Hinata to his own devices.
With the voice of his teammates ringing in his ears, he walked up the steps to get to the locker room, Kageyama lingering in his mind.
=====
"Hinata."
Hinata sat up tall, looking over to the owner of the voice. He had been pulled out of his fantasy world of staring outside the window and admiring all the squirrels and birds littering the school. The bell signifying the end of class and the beginning of lunch had just rang. When brown met blue, Hinata let out a sigh.
"What's up, Kageyama?"
"Let's go play." Kageyama said casually, as though he hadn't just confessed his love for him that very morning.
Part of Hinata wanted to bring up that morning. The other part of him, the avoidant part, wanted to act like nothing happened as well. Of course, he chose the latter.
Hinata furrowed his eyebrows. "Aren’t you going to eat your lunch first?” He asked, eyeing Kageyama’s empty hands.
Kageyama scowled. "Eating can wait, you need more practice if you’re gonna get any better. You were clearly out of it today, so get your ass up, idiot.” Then, he was already walking away, leaving Hinata to scurry after him because he was right. He had been out of it that day. In fact, he hadn’t felt like himself in a little while.
=====
The resounding thud of the ball echoed in Hinata’s mind. His mouth hung open as he took in deep breaths. He brought his arm up to wipe at the sweat collecting on his forehead. He huffed, his eyebrows creasing in concentration and determination.
“Hinata! Get back in the game before I whip your ass into shape!” Kageyama shouts next to his ear, drawing out the amused snickers from his fellow teammates in ear shot.
Hinata grimaced, straightening out and taking a swig from his water bottle. He placed it down and jogged back over to the net where a practice match was underway.
All practice, he had been tripping over his own feet and hitting the ball with his face instead of his hands. He didn’t know how he hadn’t gotten a concussion yet from the amount of times he had been hit full force in the face with the volleyball. As practice was rearing its ending, Hinata knew he had to step up and ‘whip his ass into shape’.
He truly didn’t know what was wrong with him. This was the least amount of sore he’d felt in forever. He should be playing at his best. Yet, there was something weighing him down, biting at his conscious and relentlessly bothering him. He really needed to shake out of this stupor if he wanted to prove that he was strong enough to stay on the court.
Before they could start up the game again, the entrance doors bounced off of the walls, shaking the entire gym. All heads snapped simultaneously to the entrance.
Hinata’s eyes widened into saucers as he took in the view of his boyfriend accompanied by Seijoh’s spiker.
“Shou-chan!” Oikawa sang, with a bright grin on his face. Iwaizumi grunted next to his fellow third year, assessing the Karasuno members with reserved interest.