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Pakorn was worried and anxious ever since he arrived back to his own universe. Tess didn’t come back with him. Even though he talked with Talay a lot (who happened to be as conflicted as him) they didn’t seem to figure out why things turned out like this. Talay was desperate to get back, so he drifted apart from the friend group.
“Did you guys fight or something?” asked Up as they were heading back to his place. “You are usually more affectionate and stuff since you got together.”
“Since we -” Tun started to repeat the last part of the sentence but he froze as he realised what he was about to say. “Are we dating?”
“Yes? I mean, you tell me. Tess was trying really hard to get closer to you again. And you became really soft around him too” Aou explained.
“Oh no-” Tun sighed. It was not that he wasn’t into Tess. He actually liked that asshole a little too much. Not in the way he was supposed to, not in the way he wanted to. But there was just something about Tess that attracted him. Tun basically couldn’t help but like Tess. And sometimes he really hated that.
“He just has something to take care of here. He will be back as soon as he can” Tun shook off his worries and calmed his friends. They seemed to be pleased with the shallow explanation and Tun was grateful that they didn’t give too much thought to the whole thing.
*
Talay wasn’t back for weeks. Nor Tess. Tun was getting more and more anxious as the days passed and he had no updates. Will he even be okay? Will he get back? Tun really hoped so. Based on the descriptions of the past years, based on the achievements, he figured how Talay and Puen worked their asses off and also how they really loved each other. A tiny part of him was jealous of their relationship, but he sincerely wanted those two to get back together. Tess’ and his situation was their problem to take care of. Partly it was bad that those two had to deal with it. They resolved it in their own way, but Tun was almost certain that as soon as Tess comes back, he will make things hard for him again.
Tun couldn’t recall what caused the sudden change in Tess. When he left them in the middle of the group project, he seemed fed up, perhaps angry. Tun felt betrayed by this action, however he couldn’t help but wonder if he messed up. What if Tess read the room and became disgusted by him? Tun was terrified from that thought. He couldn’t read Tess at all, it had always been kind of an impossible task for him. He was usually distant, but he sometimes let his walls down around Pakorn. The latter believed that what they had was somewhat special because of this. But this hope was crushed as Tess left them that day and didn’t even stay in touch.
*
Tun woke up to loud knocks on his apartment door. He quickly became annoyed since he pulled an all-nighter, writing a script. He went to bed at around 7 A.M.
“Geez, I am coming” he shouted as he quickly put on trousers. He opened the door with a fierce movement. His face was grumpy and also swollen a little, since he just woke up. But his gaze immediately changed when he saw the person in his doorstep.
“Talay?” he asked, surprised.
“Wrong” the man in front of him grimaced.
“Finally, you idiot” Pakorn smiled as he realized that Tess was back. Before he could even give it a proper thought, the found himself clinging onto him, hugging him tight.
“What are you doing?” Tess asked using the same tone he greeted Puen when he went to him, looking for Talay. But this time he hugged back. With just one arm, but he hugged back.
“Right, sorry” Tun backed up and hesitated. “Do you want to come in?”
“I guess I should. We have some things to talk about” Tess nodded and followed Tun inside.
Tun felt dizzy. He couldn’t believe that they met again. In the other universe they didn’t meet that many times. Tess quit Talay’s job and spent most of his time at home, rejecting to communicate with anyone. They happened to meet at a store and since Tun felt a way of safety and relief when he realized that someone he actually knows was there with him, he visited Tess time to time. At first he was refusing his company, but he became used to it as the weeks passed. Deep down he was grateful to Tun for not giving up on him. It was almost unbelievable how they were there, in his room, in their own universe, together, ready to talk things out.
“So… what do we do now?” Tess asked.
“With what?” Tun felt dumb. About them, together? About their job? About the relationship with the friend-group? These matters were actually connected to each other as well.
“About this job we do. Firstly”
“Yeah, well… I was actually working on a script until this morning, this is why I look this sleepy” Tun started to explain, but took a detour in his loquence. “Sit down wherever you want. Do you want some coffee? Or water?”
Tess settled on Tun’s bed and pointed to the space next to him. “Just sit down and talk to me” And Tun did. He had a hard time saying no to Tess, especially when he used that pretentious tone of his.
“I really love this job, Tess. I know that we got to work at your father’s company when you, I mean we weren’t even here, so you didn’t have that much control about it. But the boys love it too. Your friends and mines also. Who could have guessed that they will get along this well?” Tun exhaled. “I just want you to consider letting us go on like this. Talay and Puen worked hard in the last two years. We can’t let that go to waste either. I know that you don’t like to work with me, just don’t let the boys lose this job because of that. We should work things out. Unless you want that too” Tun couldn’t bring himself to look at Tess. He was afraid of the look on his face. Will it be disgust? Contempt? Is he finding him pathetic?
“Believe it or not, I thought a lot about things in the last two years. As I was home, I mean at Talay’s place, as you started to visit me and as I was alone, basically just doing nothing” Tess started.
“You did?” Pakorn asked.
“Don’t interrupt me, I won’t say a word” Tess pouted as he was interrupted.
“Sorry, go on” Tun finally raised his gaze to meet Tess’ eyes.
“I know that you like me, Tun. I mean, I am not sure about now, but you used to like me. But it is not like you were that obvious about it, you know. But at first I was so damn uncomfortable because of this. Not because you liked me, but because I started to like you too. And at that time I really couldn’t accept that I like boys. It felt like betrayal. But when I found myself in that other universe and I created the space to be alone and think in, I realized how I loved having you around during the active years of our friendship. And when we found each other in that stupid shop, I felt so relieved too. Unconsciously. The realization truly hit when I almost lost you again. But we might have to thank Puen for nagging me almost every day until I actually got back. I am here because of him. Partly. So about the job, let’s do it. I know that it was your dream. Our dream, once. So let’s chase it.”
Tun was stunned, his inner panic was getting bigger and bigger. So he was right in fact in the beginning, wasn’t he? But how Tess is willing to continue working together means that they are fine, right?
Tun flinched as he sensed Tess’ hand coming into his personal space, towards his face. Tess stopped the motion, seeing the reaction.
“Don’t do this. Don’t make that face. Are you really this scared of me? Am I telling you all of this late, aren’t I?” he asked, disappointed.
“No… Of course not, it’s just… I couldn’t help but think all this time that my feelings towards you made you leave us. And basically, I was right. And it just sucks, dude. Do you think it was that easy for me to accept that I like you? You don’t know how much I suffered because of this” tears were slowly escaping Tun’s eyes as he spoke. When Tess raised his hand again to wipe them, Tun didn’t back up. He closed his eyes as he felt the soft touch. Observing the relaxed moment and how Tun melted to his touch, Tess leaned forward to place a small kiss on the other boy’s lips. This was something he wanted to do for a long time now.
Tun’s eyes widened when Tess pulled away. The latter, realizing what he just did, apologized.
“I should have asked you, sorry” but Tun didn’t answer. He was just looking at Tess, tears still streaming down on his face, with his head tilted. It was more of a confused look. He didn’t seem to think how unnatural or bad it was that Tess kissed him. “Say something, will you?” Tess started to lose his confidence. Tun just pulled himself closer to him and gently leaned in to initiate another kiss. This one was gradually becoming more and more intense as they got more comfortable, shifting positions until they found themselves hugging the other with firm arms, touching the other’s face, back, hair. Tun wanted to kiss Tess so many times before this. On graduation day, when they were having drinks at Tess’ place on his birthday or when Tess finally got his shit together and got his license. And now there they were, trying to make up for the time they spent separated, confused about the feelings they had.
“I love you” Tun said, panting as they pulled apart.
“I love you too” Tess answered as he gained access to air again.
“Thank you for allowing yourself to” Tun smiled and pulled Tess in for a hug. That was the warmest cuddle Tess ever received.
At that moment they both knew that everything will fall into its place sooner or later.