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The weeks Towa had spent traveling with Rei after his recovery had been some of the most relaxing and also stressful days of his life. Shinkomi was all he'd ever known – or at least, all he remembered – and it was comfortable. He got what he wanted when he wanted it – booze, cigarettes, drugs, pain, sex. It was a smorgasbord of vice and depravity. It was home and its constant offerings helped to keep him distracted and numb.
The trip had mostly started so Rei could learn from other body modification artists on the main land and the more he learned, the more excited Towa saw him become. Sketchbooks quickly filled with ideas as they traveled and Rei often bounced ideas off of him, asking for his input and thoughts on new designs. He had no real desire for body modification art himself, but Towa had offered artistic input when he felt he could or simply nodded when he didn't feel like it. Either way, Rei never seemed to mind.
Sightseeing had been interesting as well as exhausting, especially when Rei found a new pastry shop every time they so much as stepped foot into a new town. Naturally he had dragged Towa with him to each and every one. Even if Towa refused to eat anything, Rei usually attempted to weasel something past his lips – more often than not by a kiss. He didn't like it...but he'd gotten used to it. In truth, he was slowly getting used to eating a little more than usual while he traveled with Rei. Of course he brushed it off as needing more energy for being dragged everywhere, but he could tell it made Rei happy. And maybe making him happy made Towa happy, too....even if he'd never admit it.
By the time they reach Osaka, Towa is tired. More tired than usual. Rei kept bouncing between body art shops like he was a never-ending source of energy and, well, maybe he was but Towa certainly had shorter reserves. By the time they finally get a hotel, Towa can feel exhaustion permeating his bones. He falls face first onto the first bed he sees in their room, closing his eyes with a low groan. A smoke would probably help him to relax, but he's running low and barely has the energy to look for them, let alone go out and buy new ones. He can hear Rei babbling excitedly from the small kitchenette about one of the artists he'll meet at a networking event that night – it's one he'd mentioned specifically when they started traveling. Towa had figured he'd tag along but now? All he wants is some peace and quiet. He'd apologize to Rei later.
“Probably not gonna make it tonight,” he finally interjects when there's a brief lull in conversation, his voice muffled by the pillow pressed to his cheek. He can feel Rei's eyes on him from across the room, can practically hear the concern in his voice when realization sinks in.
“You're not coming?”
“Too tired.”
There's a beat of silence before he hears footsteps followed by the sensation of a soft kiss pressed to his cheek. “Towa... this has been a lot for you, huh?” Rei's voice is soft, his touch tender as he brushes Towa's mussed hair back from his eyes. “Get some rest.” He can hear Rei walk back across the room before the lights overhead turn off, leaving the room in blissful, silent darkness. Thankfully, it doesn't take long for Towa to fall asleep.
*~~*~~*~~*
The red numbers of the bedside clock feel as if they're blazing into his skull when Towa wakes from a violent nightmare, his breaths coming in short, shallow gasps. He blinks at the display, squinting at the time. 1:13am. He reaches to his side but feels the bed empty and blinks blearily as he sits up, rubbing his eye. Rei wasn't home yet? A flicker of worry stabs his chest before he brushes it away, lip curling in irritation as he flicks on the nightstand lamp. Rei was a grown man who could handle himself; he was fine. When the lamp illuminates the room, he notes a new pack of cigarettes sits on the wooden nightstand, a note beside it.
I left food in the fridge. Try to eat a little something, okay?
Cigarettes aren't food!
-Rei
Crumpling the letter, Towa drops it into the trashcan before grabbing the new pack of cigarettes. It doesn't take long to find his lighter and he takes both and the new pack to the hotel balcony, leaning against the rail as he lights up. He can only hope it helps the nightmare to fade. The screams were usually the most haunting – voices he could recognize but never place. But for the first time he could remember, he'd heard a voice he knew intimately. Rei's.
With a sigh, he exhales a plume of smoke and stares out at the city below. Now that he had time to appreciate it, Osaka felt similar in some ways to Shinkomi. Neon lights lit up a night sky crowded by skyscrapers and electronic billboards. A constant noise seemed to bubble from the city street below, even this late into the night. For some reason rather than being comforting like noise usually was, it made him feel as if bugs had crawled under his skin, biting along his nerves.
He'd always loved white noise before – the television was a constant, audible presence in his room above the clinic, drowning out the thoughts in his head. But lately, nights with Rei had been...nice. Quiet. At the end of a long day, Rei would wait for him in bed, eagerly pulling him close. Sometimes they had sex. Sometimes they talked. Most nights they did both until they fell asleep in silence, curled up beside each other. It had slowly become a routine he looked forward to, not that he'd ever admit it. With Rei, his nightmares had become less frequent. With Rei, he felt...warm. Heard. Safe. It was new.
It was terrifying.
Another long drag of his cigarette and he lets it fall to the street below, turning to go back inside. His eyes find the clock on the wall – unintentionally, of course – before landing on the front door. 1:32am.
Whatever. He'd wanted to check out the hotel cable anyway.
2:43am.
Everything was too damn loud. Loud like the screams in his nightmare from voices distantly familiar. Loud like his heartbeat pounding in his ears. Loud like the stupid, nagging worry that something was wrong.
3:33am.
Goddammit, where was Rei? He decides to brave the city noise on the balcony again; he needed another cigarette.
4:53am.
Towa has all but decided to go out looking for Rei himself when the sound of the front door cracking open jerks his heart to a stop. He looks up from the over-plush couch, watching as Rei slips inside with a sense of relief he wouldn't even admit to himself. Once Rei notices Towa sitting on the couch, he lets the door shut and makes his way over. His smile is soft, if not a little apologetic, as he approaches and sits next to him. He smells like cigarettes and fancy beer.
“I didn't think you'd be awake.” He leans forward, kissing Towa's temple. “Were you waiting up for me?”
Towa frowns. “No. Just couldn't sleep.”
Rei frowns, looking towards the bedroom then back. “When did you wake up?”
“A few hours ago.” Towa feigns indifference well – he always has – but lately Rei can see through him. Or maybe he'd always been able to but had kept it to himself. He can feel Rei's eyes on him and he sighs, looking over at him. “You're nagging again.”
Rei's smile is amused, his eyebrows raising. “I didn't say anything!”
“You want to.” Towa's tone is flat and unamused.
“Oh?” Rei hums playfully, seeming to consider Towa's answer. “What would I say?”
With an irritated sigh, Towa turns to lean toward him, capturing Rei's mouth with his own. It would at least keep him quiet for a little while, which was the only reason he was kissing him. Not because of the nightmare or how it had made him fear the worst. Not because he'd missed someone for the first time in what felt like years and didn't know how to feel about it. Just to keep him quiet.
Rei pulls him closer but doesn't deepen the kiss, instead keeping it soft and sweet. After a moment, he pulls back to look at him, his expression tender but unconvinced. “It was bad this time, wasn't it...? Your nightmare.”
Towa frowns and pulls back, though he leans against Rei's shoulder. Mostly because he's tired. Rei's arm around his shoulder is comforting, his hand warm against his upper arm. He can feel the soft strokes of his thumb along his skin as silence stretches between them. When Rei makes no move to leave, he finally speaks. “...I heard your voice.”
“Towa...” Rei's arms are warm around his torso, pulling him close. He doesn't speak and Towa finds himself grateful for the silence, grateful that Rei doesn't try to make it better with platitudes or tell him it was only a dream. He soaks in the warmth and strength of his body, slowly wrapping his arms back around Rei as they sit together in silence.
Towa isn't sure how long they've been sitting together when he feels drowsiness begin to pull at him again, his eye beginning to drift closed. He yawns once before pulling back and sitting up. “Hold me like that while we sleep.” He can feel Rei's eyes on him as he stands and moves to the bedroom and he's willing to bet he has that dopey smile on his face, like the one he gets when he eats a good piece of cake.
A moment later, Rei is walking up behind him, arms circling his waist as he presses a kiss to his cheek. His voice is tender against his ear. “I'll protect you.”
Towa lets out a breath that's almost a chuckle. “You better.”
He can feel the curve of Rei's lips as he smiles against his cheek. “I love you, Towa.”
“...I love you, too.”