Chapter Text
While the host couple went to the kitchen to prepare some tea, Kaeya and Diluc remained seated on the couch. Right now, the thought that maybe that goofily-grinning man wouldn"t like Kaeya"s presence was slightly comical. It was obvious that the whole problem existed only inside Kaeya"s mind, always ready to work on self sabotage to harm him.
ー My apologies, I should"ve warned you about my presence here earlier. ー Diluc was the one who brought up the subject. Kaeya turned his body to him, resting the left arm on the back of the couch, making it easier to face the man. ー It"s been pretty chaotic… After the day I slept at your house I went straight to the court, as mentioned, but some stuff happened and I had to come to Liyue as soon as possible. I"m on the legal team of this company that"s trying to set up a partnership with the government of Liyue, so things are a bit hectic and very bureaucratic… This whole situation left me no time to call you.
ー It"s fine, save your apologies for the next time you hurt me. If you had warned me I"d have begged Childe to annoy you, so you saved yourself. ー The lawyer laughed, making the damned butterflies in Kaeya"s stomach flutter. Diluc didn"t smile as much as when they were younger, his work sucked parts of his youth day after day, which was a shame. His smile was dazzling.
ー How are you doing? ー Kaeya gave a thumbs up and Diluc rolled his eyes, flicking his forehead. ー Seriously, I"m worried. You were in a pretty bad place last time I saw you.
ー I managed to make you worry about me? Where"s my compliments? ー Kaeya patted his own shoulders laughing, but Diluc wasn"t smiling.
ー I don"t understand why your dramatic ass always tends to make me look like a bad friend. I"m always worried about you, Kaeya.
Kaeya stopped the playful pats, Diluc was upset . Not more than five minutes had passed but he"d managed to piss off the other man. It has always been like that nowadays, when they weren"t sad and trying to comfort each other, they couldn"t hold a conversation without ending up upset. Kaeya couldn"t understand why, maybe this was a sign they needed to sit down and talk about things and avoid miscommunication. But Kaeya was so fucking scared. He was afraid they had drifted too far apart from each other, to the point that they"d no longer be able to coexist peacefully.
The couple entered the room again. Childe gave a quick glance at the two of them and it was enough to see something was off. Zhongli placed the tray with the tea set on the coffee table, serving the guests.
ー Hope it"s to your taste. It"s a pleasure to have you in our house, I had been talking to Ajax for a while, planning a weekend to invite both of you. ー Zhongli took a cup for himself, sitting on the other couch next to his boyfriend.
ー But you"re either busy or fighting, it"s hard to get the timing right. ー Diluc and Kaeya shared glances. Kaeya had a mischievous gaze on his face, while Diluc frowned his eyebrows.
ー We don"t fight. We argue like any couple… of friends, but we always resolve quickly whatever the issue is. ー Diluc added the " of friends " in a clumsy way, like when you say something you shouldn"t and try to fix it before someone notices. Unfortunately for him, everyone in the room noticed.
ー What a curious choice of words, "couple of friends", don"t you think, Zhon? ー Childe nudged his boyfriend, who"s always extremely polite and formal and liked to take advantage of his formality to tease people when they least expected it. Definitely the best person to be Childe"s fiancé.
ー In fact, people usually use "pair of friends". I have rarely heard the expression "couple of friends" to refer to the fact that there are two friends and not just some people.
Kaeya was watching how the conversation went attentively, finding the teasing amusing until then, but the fun ended the moment he saw the blush on Diluc"s face. Either out of embarrassment or irritation, only he could provoke Diluc like this.
ー Come on, you"re making things up now… Is this the supposed wonderful hospitality of the people of Liyue? Tsk , I didn"t expect that, much less from someone as important as a government representative. ー Zhongli chuckled and Kaeya turned to Diluc, whose ears were close to his hair color. ー I understood what you meant, Diluc. In fact, we don"t fight, we just love aggressive communication.
Childe and Zhongli exchanged knowing glances and went back to drinking their tea. Kaeya placed the cup on the tray, leaning against Diluc. He"d been so nervous before that now a dull headache was bothering him. Plus, the fact that his body was relaxing from all the anxiety made him feel more tired than he should"ve.
ー Are you tired, Kaeya? I ended up forgetting to prepare the guest room, however, if you want to rest I can do it now. ー Zhongli offered, but Childe placed a hand on his knee and shook his head.
ー I"m afraid our guest room is uninhabitable. There are books, my students" exams and your documents scattered all over the place. There"s dust everywhere. ー Childe then turned to Diluc. To untrained eyes he would look innocent and serene, but there"s nothing but an insanely malicious gaze in those blue eyes. ー Diluc, would you mind sharing your room with Kaeya?
Three pairs of eyes on the lawyer, who held the cup halfway to his lips right about to drink. Kaeya felt anxious again, Diluc would never deny something so simple, but once again his mind was acting to make him expect the opposite, making him fear he was being a nuisance to the redhead. As much as Diluc insisted that wasn"t the case, he couldn"t shake away the feeling that he was going to be rejected at any moment.
ー Of course, I don"t see a problem. We haven"t had a chance to see each other before, there"s a lot to talk about. ー Diluc smiled sweetly at Kaeya, who looked away a little embarrassed. When the lawyer smiled at him like that it felt like his organs melted, even more so when they were in front of other people and Kaeya couldn"t hide his embarrassment with a kiss. Kaeya was known to be a smartass, having a quick answer for everything, but Diluc was a master when it came to disarming him.
ー Fantastic. Make yourself at home and don"t need to worry if your conversation invades the night, our room is at the end of the hallway so it won"t disturb us. ー Something in Zhongli"s tone gave the impression that he wasn"t referring to a simple chat, the way Childe smiled next to him increased the suspicion.
ー We will try to keep the tone low. ー Kaeya replied smiling and Diluc choked on his tea beside him as he chuckled.
X
In the evening, Zhongli invited them to Xinyue Kiosk for dinner. They shared a delightful evening, a long time passed since the last time the four of them were together. It was like being in their early twenties all over again, Childe and Diluc bickering between meals as Kaeya and Zhongli watched holding back giggles. They talked about local festivals, places they might visit in the next few days and new restaurants. The night was filled with wine, lots of laughter and gossip about each other"s co-workers. At a certain point of the dinner, Diluc"s hand rested on Kaeya"s knee in a caress and remained there for a long time as they talked.
Now it was past midnight and all of them were resting in their respective bedrooms. Kaeya was tired, but the wine running through his system kept him from sleeping. He laid on the bed facing Diluc, who was also staring at him, facing the same inability to sleep. The silence between them wasn"t the silence that had haunted every recent encounter they had, but a comfortable one. Kaeya wanted to talk, ask about how he was doing, but it was so much more enjoyable just to stay still admiring the work of art that was the man lying next to him.
ー Earlier you said you were tired. ー Diluc started, tapping the tip of Kaeya"s nose with his index finger.
ー Had too much wine, don"t know if I can sleep right now.
ー I thought wine helped you relax. ー The actor bit the corner of his lower lip, pulling the blanket up to cover Diluc"s freckled shoulders. Liyue nights could be very cold.
ー You"re right, guess it"s not the wine that"s keeping me up. ー Diluc laughed, moving closer to Kaeya on the mattress, their faces just inches away. ー Hello, handsome.
ー Everything is fine? ー The youngest nodded and for the first time in days he wasn"t lying about that question. He was indeed fine, which made him think again about the paths he chose to walk. Maybe if he had another career, one that allowed him to be with his friends on weekends without having to worry about the gossip that might come out, he would be much happier.
Diluc"s mere presence also influenced his mood. Kaeya wondered if everyone who had a messed up friendship like theirs felt the same way, but he already knew the answer. When he had this kind of situation going on with Childe, for example, he didn"t feel the need to be physically with the other all the time. The needs that went beyond friendship were purely sexual, there wasn"t a hint of the urge for affection that Kaeya felt and that, at that moment, he felt coming from Diluc too.
ー I missed you. You care about me, but what about you? How are you doing? ー Diluc sighed, rubbing his nose against Kaeya"s who closed his eyes at the touch.
ー I"m doing amazing now you"re here with me.
At times like these, Kaeya felt stupid for doubting his intuition. He felt like they were alone in the world and the idea wasn"t frightening, but extremely comfortable. Diluc was his safe haven and when he held Kaeya"s chin so gently, kissing him in such a way that you could feel love seeping through every pore, Kaeya couldn"t help but feel stupid.
But love does that to people.
Kaeya held him by the waist, smiling a little when he felt Diluc"s warm tongue invading his mouth. His mind screamed the lawyer"s name, he wanted him in every inch of his body, wanted to sweat Diluc, be invaded and have his body and soul taken by him to see if the redhead would understand that Kaeya was wholly and entirely his.
When the lawyer"s hand slipped between Kaeya"s legs, the actor brought his own hand up to stop him, softly chuckling against his lips.
ー We"re at their house, Luc. ー Diluc turned his face away, visibly frustrated at being stopped.
ー Just a quickie then? I can"t keep my hands off you, Kaeya. And it"s been a long time…
ー Who knew our dear lawyer was such a perverted creature? ー Diluc tried to steal a kiss from Kaeya, who averted his face to tease him, increasing Diluc"s frustration. ー It hasn"t been that long, though. Only a month since you nearly devoured me at my front door… pervert!
He was lying, though. For him, a month felt like an eternity. If it weren"t for the awful mood a few nights ago, he would"ve climbed on Diluc and wouldn"t have let him out of his house after cumming at least three times. Kaeya wanted it as much as he did, but there was something very special about seeing someone so calm and reserved begging for sex.
ー Sorry, Kae. If you don"t want to do it we can just talk.
Diluc tried to pull his hand away, but Kaeya pressed his thighs together, trapping it against his cock. The actor licked Diluc"s lips seductively with the tip of his tongue, bombarding him with pecks until that frustrated expression slowly faded.
ー Who said I don"t want it, you silly?
X
Having to remain silent was a punishment.
With Diluc"s hand over his lips, Kaeya tried to retain his moans, occasionally biting the redhead"s fingers when the pressure got too strong to control. His back was pressed against the redhead"s sweaty chest and he could feel the hot, erratic breath on his neck, causing goosebumps to go through his body. Diluc"s other hand gripped Kaeya"s thigh tightly, lifting it so he could hit inside the actor easily.
That night they were making love. In every ragged breath and muffled moan there was love to be found. Diluc moved slowly, introducing every inch of his cock into Kaeya, filling him up. The actor held the other"s hair, he didn"t pull, just held while keeping his eyes closed enjoying every second of it. When Diluc withdrew almost completely, only to go again with more roughness, Kaeya had to control himself not to scream out Diluc"s name, leaving it stuck in his throat.
Perhaps, being unable to make noises was a good thing. That position was deeply intimate, turning the soft low moans into a secret that only them would know.
ー You are wonderful, Kae. ー Diluc whispered, kissing Kaeya"s blue strands. Kaeya melted at every compliment, holding back the urge to touch himself. He wanted to reach the climax only with Diluc"s words and touches, cum just by the thick cock invading him deliciously and the voice that made his heart go up in flames. ー You have no idea how much I want you.
ー Tell me. ー He asked with a voice muffled by Diluc"s hand. Kaeya rocked his hips back just as the lawyer was burying himself again, eyes rolling in pleasure.
ー I keep remembering your kisses, your touches... even your voice drives me crazy. ー Diluc withdrew his hand from the other"s mouth, moving fingers down his body, gently caressing Kaeya"s sides until reaching one of his nipples. The youngest bit his lips a little too hard, holding back a moan.
ー And what… What do you do about it? ー Diluc"s low laugh gave him more shivers, the redhead bent his head to kiss Kaeya"s neck, taking the opportunity to lick the sweaty skin.
ー I touch myself thinking about you. ー One more thrust and Kaeya whimpered, clenching hands into fists to control himself and not touch his own cock that oozed out, aching with luxury. ー Whenever I miss you, I think about your sweet voice asking, no, begging for more… your naughty face while I fuck you… Your soft moans and then I come wishing to be inside of you. Filling you up.
ー Diluc, kiss me.
Without hesitation, Diluc grabbed Kaeya"s chin and kissed him full of desire. The position didn"t help and the actor would wake up next morning with pain, but he couldn"t care less while he was loved that way. The lawyer pulled Kaeya"s leg a little higher, increasing the speed at which he moved against the younger one, taking every last breath of air into that delicious kiss.
Kaeya broke the kiss, his moans began to get more desperate and Diluc occupied the man"s mouth by inserting two fingers in it. The actor closed his eyes, lost in pleasure as he sucked on Diluc"s fingers and felt the orgasm approaching.
ー You"re cumming? ー Diluc"s voice broke in the middle of the sentence as he felt Kaeya"s inside contracting. ー Cum for me, love. Show how much you missed me, how you want me.
He tried to hold back, wanting to enjoy that pleasure until the very last second, but having Diluc whispering filthy words in his ear was too much. The redhead gave a strong thrust, burying himself until he was balls deep into Kaeya. Kaeya"s back arched, mouth opening in a silent moan while his dick spurted cum against his own chest. Kaeya was out, seeing white as his mind focused on the pleasure running through his body. He didn"t even notice Diluc"s fingers going out of his mouth to his chest, smearing his fingers with cum.
Diluc placed an arm under Kaeya"s limp body, wrapping it around the thin waist so he could properly fuck his ass. Fastening his thrusts, Diluc placed open-mouthed kisses on Kaeya"s nape, trying to shush him from the overstimulation.
ー Inside, Luc… I need every drop inside.
Despite the slurred voice, that was an obvious order that Diluc wasn"t insane to disobey. Kaeya tilted his head, trying to get access to Diluc"s mouth and started another sloppy kiss. In fact, they weren"t exactly kissing, but playing with their tongues, sucking and licking each other until Diluc cut out with a loud moan, emptying himself inside of Kaeya.
ー Yes… give me everything, babe... ー Kaeya"s voice was dreamy. The lawyer had his eyes closed tightly, lazily moving his hips with weak thrusts as he tried to recompose his breathing. Diluc rested his head on Kaeya"s shoulder, kissing the skin his mouth could reach.
ー You drive me crazy… But what if they heard? ー The other just shrugged. Childe said their room was at the end of the hallway, but even if they actually could hear them having sex it was fine given the amount of times Childe and Zhongli had sex while staying at Kaeya"s house and pretending nothing happened the next day. They owed him this.
Diluc lowered Kaeya"s leg gently, stroking the side of his thigh. The body of the man behind him was so warm and comfortable, Kaeya wanted to stay like that all night, spooning with Diluc filling him up inside. The lawyer moved, trying to pull away from Kaeya, but was stopped by a firm hand on his hip, keeping him in place.
ー Stay like this. ー Kaeya"s eyelids were heavy, but he wanted to stay awake to enjoy the moment. He didn"t know when he could be like this with Diluc again and, depending on the course of their future conversation, he didn"t even know if they would see each other in such an intimate way again.
Diluc buried his face in the crook of Kaeya"s neck, breathing deeply in the scent emanating from the blue hair and tanned skin. Kaeya shivered, pulling Diluc"s arm back to rest around his waist. He wasn"t the type of man who needed protection, life had taught him to fend for himself and not depend on anyone, but being inside Diluc"s embrace was like being in a fortress. He felt protected and safe to let his guard down.
ー You"ll hate me tomorrow if I don"t clean you up now. ー With a muffled voice, Diluc said lazily. ー And I want to talk while looking at your face.
ー I won"t hate you, stay here. Don"t you think this is good? ー Kaeya moved his hips against Diluc"s, moaning softly due to the sensitivity. He would be lying to say he didn"t want a second round, just thinking about the things Diluc had said made his body heat up, but he was just teasing. Aside from being too tired to have sex, he just wanted to feel Diluc inside himself, literally being connected to him for one night would be nice.
ー New fetish? ー Despite showing disinterest in his voice, Diluc took the opportunity to pull Kaeya closer while hugging him like a teddy bear, snuggling better against him.
It was both comfortable and uncomfortable. Kaeya kissed Diluc"s arm, sighing as he felt completely relaxed, but his heart was beating fast and body was hot from the feeling of having the redhead still inside. The lawyer also needed to hold back, because while he wanted to enjoy the tender moment, he felt like losing his mind at any moment, having the urge to press Kaeya against the mattress and fucking him repeatedly during the night.
ー Kaeya… ー The actor had his eyes closed, almost falling asleep, so he just shook his head to show that he was listening. ー If you keep moving it will be difficult for me.
The youngest chuckled, moving his hips forward a little and then returning to the starting position to tease Diluc. The later let out a groan of despair, biting Kaeya"s shoulder with a little more force than was desirable.
ー Ouch! I know you think I"m tasty, but don"t rip off a piece. ー Kaeya pinched Diluc"s thigh, trying to remain as still as possible.
ー So stop teasing me! Don"t forget that it was because of you that I proposed just a quickie. If it were up to me, you would be unable to speak right now.
It was surprising how things could change, to think this was the same Diluc who couldn"t even bear a kiss without blushing out of embarrassment. Now it was Kaeya who was left speechless, completely dismantled by the lawyer"s delightful threats. Part of him was proud of having turned Diluc into this man.
ー What a lack of decorum, mister Ragnvindr. ー Pulling Diluc"s hand up again, Kaeya hugged the man"s arm, leaving it close to his chest. ー Wake me up in your special way, but now we"d better sleep now. Sweet dreams, Luc.
A cursing could be heard and Kaeya laughed softly, his body going through another wave of shivers as he felt a kiss on the back of his neck.
ー Good night, love.
X
The next morning the bed was empty.
Kaeya woke up irritated, realizing he was alone. Not even in their friends house Diluc had the decency to wait for him to wake up and properly say goodbye. In addition, he felt that disgusting discomfort that Diluc had tried to warn him about the night before, but Kaeya chose to blame him anyway, because if Diluc had stayed in bed this feeling would be delayed.
He reached out of the blanket, looking for the phone that, if his memory wasn"t failing him, had fallen to the floor the night before. After finding the device, he ignored the managers and Jean"s notifications, going straight to the chat with Diluc.
You: where are you????
The notification sound came from the dresser and Kaeya looked up, Diluc"s phone was still there. It was a good sign, if the phone was inside the room, then the owner would still be around or at least wouldn"t have left. Being guided by curiosity, Kaeya took the device to find out how his contact name was saved. Last time he checked, it was simply "Kaeya." Diluc had added that period after the youngest complained about the name before this one, which was "Kaeya".
[Starlight: 1 unread text ]
ー Starlight? ー He expected some mean nickname or something like that. Apart from the intimate moments, Diluc never calls him by anything other than "Kae". Kaeya himself didn"t have a nickname for the other man, so seeing that on the screen stirred a special place inside his chest. It was like getting a confidence boost. Seeing those little displays of affection that weren"t displayed at all made his heart flutter.
Seconds later, Diluc entered the room. He was dressed in his business clothes, even using a tie. In a normal situation, Kaeya would"ve stopped everything he was doing to admire the silhouette that looked even more tempting in social attires. But Kaeya remained with Diluc"s phone in hand, looking at it as if it was an alien.
ー You"re awake! Good morning. ー Diluc went to the wardrobe provided by the host couple and looked for some folders, looking back as he seemed to realize something. ー Is that my phone?
ー Yeah. ー The man kept looking at Kaeya, waiting for him to say what he was doing with the device. ー I"d love to hear your thoughts about this "starlight" thing.
Diluc didn"t understand at first, facing the actor waiting for a better explanation until he put it all together. Then he dropped the papers, taking the phone from Kaeya"s hand, who was staring at him with a smirk after noticing the other"s agitation.
ー Not messing with other people"s stuff is the most basic rule of etiquette, didn"t you know that? ー Kaeya laughed, rolling over the bed to stretch his body. The action caused the blanket to slide off a little, revealing his bare torso. Diluc bit the inside of his cheek, trying not to stare too hard.
ー There"s no secrets between friends! And I know your password, yet I never touched it so drop the bullshit. ー The actor turned around to face Diluc, who felt all the anger slipping away. Kaeya had always been his weakness, especially when he smiled sweetly like that, face puffy from sleep. Diluc felt like lying in bed and hugging him for the rest of the day, or at least until the next bickering. ー Starlight. Explain it to me.
ー Don"t wanna. ー Placing the phone in his pocket, the lawyer went back to his papers, leaving a much shocked Kaeya behind. Less than a minute later he could feel arms wrapping his waist, Kaeya held him tight in place as he started tickling Diluc"s sides. ー Stop! You know I hate it!
ー Tell me and I"ll stop! ー Diluc moved like a worm on Kaeya"s arms, laughing and cursing at the man who kept going on with the tickles. Diluc was ticklish, especially on his waist and thighs. Any touch there and he would be mushy like a jelly.
ー Fine, fine! ー The redhead surrendered, trying to speak between laughs. ー Let me go, you idiot. I can"t breathe! ー Kaeya stopped the tickling, kissing Diluc"s cheeks and then he threw himself back on the bed. As Diluc turned around, still trying to recover from the attack, he rolled his eyes. ー Can you at least put on your underwear?
ー There"s nothing here that you haven"t seen, touched or sucked. Come on, say it. ー The other man pressed his temples, he needed to leave for a meeting with Zhongli and other company representatives and Kaeya wasn"t helping.
ー Your eyes. ー Very unwillingly, Diluc confessed. He could feel his ears heat up and he hated it. ー Your eyes look like stars, that"s it. Satisfied?
Kaeya ran his thumb over soft lips, staring at Diluc intently. He no longer knew what kept him from having a heart attack as his heart was beating so fast inside his chest. He wasn"t an emotional man, but could feel his eyes filling with tears. Unlike the last few times he cried, these would have been tears of happiness. After cloudy days, where he questioned everything in his life, especially his relationship and friendship with Diluc, a display of affection as beautiful as this was a breath of happiness for the soul.
ー Come here. ー Diluc approached the bed and Kaeya raised his body a little, holding and pulling Diluc by his tie. The redhead rested his hands on the bed next to Kaeya"s body as Kaeya kissed him intensely, messing up Diluc"s perfectly groomed ponytail.
ー I need to go… ー He whispered against Kaeya"s lips, then contradicted himself by capturing them in a kiss again. The hot tongue explored the actor"s mouth, drinking in his desire. ー I really need to go.
ー Then go, no one"s stopping you. ー Kaeya teased, loosening Diluc"s tie to straighten it back. He took the opportunity to adjust the collar of the lawyer"s shirt, running his hands over Diluc"s shoulders to stretch the wrinkled fabric. Diluc watched with a terribly passionate gaze, just like Kaeya, he lived for simple moments like these. Kaeya was just fixing his clothes, but a simple gesture coming from the hands of the man you love could be bigger than the whole world. ー It"s the cutest nickname anyone has ever given me.
ー It needed to be beautiful like you. ー Leaning his forehead against Kaeya"s, Diluc stole a peck from his lips. The youngest"s mind worked a thousand per second, trying to find an excuse to keep Diluc there. ー Listen, I really need to go to this meeting, but how about we go out after lunch? Zhongli told me about a trail that ends in a bandstand and you can see half of Liyue from there. It"s not busy on weekdays, so I thought about picking you up after the meeting and spending the afternoon there, what do you think?
ー The busiest man in the world is asking me out? I must be hallucinating. ー Diluc made a dismayed expression, making the youngest laugh. ー I love that you finally found time for me.
ー Most of your free time you hang out with other people, it"s hard to go out with someone who doesn"t have time either. ー Kaeya rolled his eyes, staring at Diluc with a small smile. A date, because yes he would call it a date, with Diluc in one of Liyue"s breathtaking and romantic landscapes? Seemed like the perfect place for a confession. Just thinking about it made his stomach turn over and over again.
ー Jealous? ー Diluc didn"t answer. He pretended to kiss Kaeya and when he approached to respond, Diluc walked away smirking. Kaeya took a deep breath, biting his bottom lip. ー Asshole.
ー Keep an eye on your phone. When the meeting ends I"ll send a message so you know I"m coming, okay?
ー Right, sir.
Kaeya let the poor man finally pack his documents for work in peace, watching Diluc"s broad back, but his mind was far away. The time was coming, no matter what happened that afternoon, Kaeya would pour his heart out. They would leave that mountain with their feelings resolved or separated from each other. It was in the hands of fate and Kaeya hoped it would be kind this time.
X
Mount Hulao was far away from the harbor, but the scenery was breathtaking. From up there, Liyue looked equally imposing and delicate. They weren"t at the top of the hill because Diluc was too tired to go on another thirty minutes of walking, but where they managed to reach already guaranteed a splendid view. All those mountains and the stone forest gave a very different impression to the plains of Khaenri"ah or the fields of Mondstadt. Liyue was indeed magical. Kaeya improvised a last-minute picnic, Childe lent him a picnic blanket and they went shopping for treats at the stalls. In the end, the picnic didn"t just only look good, but the smell was so delicious that even Kaeya"s nervous stomach was screaming for food.
ー I needed that. ー Diluc commented, closing his eyes as a soft breeze hit both of them. They were lucky the day was sunny, otherwise they would face cold winds in such a high place. ー It"s so quiet, wish I could live in a place like this.
ー Yeah, living in the woods really suits you. ー Kaeya picked up a jade parcel, letting out a sound of pure satisfaction at the taste hit his tongue. He used to say the best part of traveling was the opportunity to try not only the local alcoholic drinks, but the different spices as well.
ー Is it really that good? ー Instead of answering, Kaeya took another parcel and brought it to Diluc"s mouth. He remained holding the food close to the older man"s mouth as he savored his own piece, feeding Diluc until he bit off the last piece. ー Delicious. I hadn"t thought about the food. There"s nothing to eat around here, I"m glad you brought it.
ー This head doesn"t own only a pretty face, but a genius brain as well. ー Diluc rolled his eyes, picking up a juice box to drink. ー I want to tell you something, but I can"t.
ー Don"t say a thing then. ー Kaeya, in a totally mature act, stuck his tongue out at Diluc and grabbed another jade parcel. ー How serious is this?
ー It"s not serious, but I"d say a level ten in the sense of needing to remain a secret. That"s why I need to tell you.
Kaeya was good at keeping secrets, he had heard absurd confessions from several people, but kept it all to himself. He thought it was good that people saw him as someone they could trust, in the environment he worked, having information - especially spicy information - about someone worth more than actual money. So he definitely knew how to keep a secret.
But he was only human and sometimes he needed to share things. Diluc wasn"t just his confidant in personal matters, but for gossip as well. While Kaeya didn"t pass on gossip because he needed to appear trustworthy, Diluc didn"t pass on gossip out of pure and simple general disinterest. This made them a terrible pair of gossips.
ー I"m not forcing you to do a thing, tell me if you want to. ー Kaeya got up, moving around the towel so he could sit next to Diluc. ー There"s no one here, Kaeya.
ー I"m not going to risk it, you can"t say a thing, understand? ー Diluc nodded, taking the parcel from Kaeya"s hand so he could eat it. ー Childe is going to propose to Zhongli next month.
Diluc choked on an involuntary laugh, receiving slaps on the back from Kaeya who worried as Diluc was almost the color of his own hair. After taking a deep breath and drinking large gulps of water, the lawyer recovered and gave a small smile.
ー Zhongli is also going to propose to him next month. ー Kaeya"s hand covered his own mouth, laughing with happiness for his friend. But for some reason he wasn"t that surprised. ー They"re so similar, archons…
ー I know, right? It"s weird because they"re different from each other, but their connection is bizarre. ー Knowing that information was terrible, because now Kaeya would spend the rest of the month anxious to know his friend"s reaction. He would love to be a fly and go watch everything. ー We"re old, Luc. Our friends are getting married.
ー I"d like to not think about it. ー Something in Diluc"s tone made it seem sadder than it should have been. ー But I"m happy for them, they"re a cute couple, despite Childe being… what he is.
ー I never understood why you don"t like each other. Did something happen between you two? ー Diluc shrugged, immediately regretting it when he saw Kaeya"s eyes widen. ー Wait… Have you guys had an affair or something? I introduced you to him, didn"t I? God, you had sex and he ghosted you?
The horrified expression on Diluc"s face was priceless, it was outrageous that Kaeya assumed something like that had happened. Of course that made sense to him, the actor had no idea their bickering began because Childe understood Diluc"s feelings for Kaeya right away. Thinking back, maintaining this stupid rivalry years later was ridiculous, but Diluc got used to detest Childe. Certain habits take time to change.
ー What?! No, Kaeya! What is your problem? ー Diluc brought his thumb between his teeth, biting the corner of his nail, something he only did while feeling anxious. Kaeya held his hand away from his mouth, holding it down.
ー You still do that… Are you really that bothered by the idea of fucking Childe? Or is it because of something else? ー Kaeya swallowed hard, looking away for a moment. Now wasn"t the time for that, he needed to be the usually cool Kaeya. ー You don"t like the idea because you"re seeing someone?
ー What are those questions, Kae? ー The youngest laid back on the grass, still holding Diluc"s hand to stop him from biting the flesh. Regardless of Diluc"s answer, he would pour out all the years of repressed feelings, but knowing the ground he was treading on gave him a little more security.
ー Last time I was in your office, that guy… Eider? Anyway, the new guy was so close to you. He"s handsome.
Amidst the stillness of nature, Kaeya"s mind was in chaos. He decided to stop by the office to have lunch with Diluc and found the two men talking closely in the corner. Diluc was smiling, touching the other man"s arms and the guy was so handsome. The worst thing about that situation is that if Diluc was really having an affair with that man, Kaeya wouldn"t be able to say a thing.
ー He is eight years younger than me and my intern, our relationship is strictly professional. ー Diluc turned around and it was possible to see the trace of a smile on his face, as if he found what Kaeya said funny. The actor wasn"t convinced, he knew very well what he"d seen and he wasn"t going to be fooled by this intern thing. He wasn"t silly.
ー If you say so…
ー Why are you asking that? Is that jealousy, Kaeya? ー He had a crooked smile and arched an eyebrow in interest as Kaeya stood up, facing him.
ー And what if I am jealous?
ー It will be news to me… but there"s nothing going on. By the way, I don"t want to talk about the office right now. ー His smile faded and Diluc turned his gaze to his feet. ー I took the job here in Liyue just to spend some days away.
ー What"s going on? You"re always stressed, but lately it"s gotten worse, I almost can"t recognize you.
Diluc remained silent, reaching for another grape juice and sipping it as he admired the view ahead of them. It was strange to think of the time that he hadn"t seen Diluc in casual clothes, the redhead was always in his lawyer outfit when they saw each other. The actor"s heart squeezed a little more when thinking about it, he could face people distancing themselves very well, but Diluc was an exception. Kaeya wanted him around.
ー My father is retiring. ー He finally spoke, placing the empty box inside the bag that Kaeya set aside for garbage. ー We talked and he doesn"t want to put anyone different to take over the office.
ー So it"s going to be you? ー Diluc nodded.ー But isn"t that good?
ー Kaeya, I"ve only been a lawyer for six years. I don"t think that"s long enough to take over an entire office. And if I"m swamped with work now, it"s only going to get worse when I become the fucking CEO. ー Sadness was clear in Diluc"s voice. Just like Kaeya, Diluc had this unfortunate way of playing the strong man and trying to solve problems alone, bleeding in the dark.
ー Luc, I know it"s your father and you feel this need to please him, but if it"s going to fuck you, you need to talk to him. ー Diluc shook his head negatively and Kaeya sighed. ー Are you going to accept without saying anything then?
ー I mean, even if I don"t like it, it"s going to be good for my career. I can always delegate some functions to other people and ask my father for help to choose trustworthy people. It"s just… I became exactly what he wanted. ー He gave a sad smile, his gaze filled with sadness and regret. Kaeya wanted to hug him, support him, but he felt Diluc needed to get things out of his chest. ー I became a lawyer like he wanted, I"ll take over the office like he wanted… That"s not what I wanted for myself, you know?
ー Do you still write? ー Diluc shook his head, chewing on the straw to try to distract his head and stop the tears from falling. ー Why not?
ー It"s been like four years since I"ve had time for that. I take cases after cases, projects from the office and when I finally have some time I"m so exhausted I can"t put a single thought on paper. It"s like my creativity has been sucked out from me. ー He set the empty box aside, laughing humorlessly as he hugged his knees. ー In the end, it"s just one of the many dreams that I won"t fulfill in this life.
Kaeya was startled, it was strange to see Diluc so pessimistic. He"s always been a more rational and realistic type of thinker, but he never spoke that way. They always tried to find a way out together when they had a problem, but the way Diluc spoke was as if he really wanted to bury down this important part of his life.
ー No, of course not. Diluc, it"s something you love to do. If you give up on dreams so easily, what do you have left? ー Diluc turned to face him, smiling.
ー Reality, Kaeya.
ー What other dreams are these that you will not fulfill? If you share it with me, it will become a dream of mine too and you know how stubborn I am. ー With a sigh, Diluc rested his head on his knees. Both his face and body expression revealed how tired he was. That picnic was indeed what they needed, there they could see that maybe they weren"t moving apart because they disliked each other, but because they were both tired of the life they led.
ー These dreams are secret.
ー I thought we had no secrets. ー Kaeya teased, rubbing his nose on Diluc"s cheek before moving down to his neck and leaving a soft kiss on cold skin.
ー You know very well that we indeed have secrets and they must remain like that. ー Kaeya turned his body back. He didn"t want to understand what Diluc was saying, but understood it very well. In another time, he would have agreed, but not anymore.
He was tired of secrets.
ー It"s funny that you say that, because I don"t know if it"s the landscape or the company, but I feel lighter today. I feel like getting some things off my chest.
At that moment, Kaeya wanted to stand up and shout his love with all his might. He wanted to scream so loudly, to the point of making his voice echo throughout Liyue, creating new rumors about his person. It felt right to scream out his love to the world.
But he wasn"t fast enough.
ー I love you.
A breeze hit both of them, leaves flying onto the picnic towel and over the food, but neither of them paid any attention to that now. Kaeya was frozen in place, the words on the tip of his tongue. Diluc was looking at him with a serene expression, his red eyes glowed like two rubies and he looked weirdly calm for someone who had dropped a bomb in someone else"s lap.
Diluc confessed first.
He always imagined what it would be like to finally confess to Kaeya, he imagined the turmoil of emotions, the uncertainty, the fear. However, those words came out of his mouth like a soft song, calm and light. It felt so right that Diluc wasn"t scared, especially since Kaeya wasn"t running away.
ー I love you, Diluc.
Diluc smiled and it was like the Sun was in front of Kaeya. The men continued to look at each other and the moment seemed unreal; Kaeya wanted to react and say everything he had rehearsed for the last few days, his speech was ready and it took a lot of energy.
But Diluc confessed first and now he didn"t know how to react.
Fortunately for both, they work perfectly as a duo and when one encounters an obstacle, the other appears to give that little push. While Kaeya was caught up in the surprise of being reciprocated, in the relief of not being abandoned, Diluc pulled him into a strong hug. In their own way, the two were living a lie, posing as strong when deep down they were two sensitive and time-worn young people. They didn"t cry in front of anyone, they responded to being upset with indifference or sarcasm, while their real selves were drowning.
And how lucky someone can be to have the privilege of finding a shelter, a friend and a love in the same person. Being able to undress all pretenses and give yourself body and soul to the other. Kaeya slipped his arms under Diluc"s, gripping his shoulder tightly as he wet the lawyer"s shirt with silent tears. Diluc was crying too, sobbing softly, like a child who doesn"t want to be discovered. During almost ten years the two saw each other in every possible way, at their worst and best; as a stranger, a friend and a love; explored each other"s bodies as intimately as possible. But at that moment, at that exact moment, they completely stripped themselves, allowing themselves to be naked for real.
ー Hell, I can"t stop crying. ー Diluc commented with a trembling voice, making Kaeya laugh. The youngest broke the hug, pulling away just enough to get some air. He stayed glued to Diluc as he hugged him by the waist. ー How long has it been?
ー Since college days. ー His voice was low, almost shy, totally different from everyday Kaeya. ー You once said you liked me, it"s so good to hear it again.
Diluc stared at the other with pure confusion on his face. If he had been calm a few seconds ago, now his heart was pounding wildly in his chest, not just because he couldn"t remember such important moment, but because Kaeya knew and didn"t mention a thing.
ー What?! When?
ー You got drunk once, I came home to find you sitting in the living room drinking cheap wine. ー Kaeya smiled to himself as he remembered that day, it was a melancholy memory, he remembered not being able to sleep because of anxiety. ー You confessed in such a beautiful, poetic way… But you woke up the next day and couldn"t remember what had happened.
ー Kae, why didn"t you say anything earlier? If you knew why didn"t you talk to me?
Despair was clear on Diluc"s face and voice. The younger one pulled away from the other, as much as he didn"t want to talk about it right now, he knew it was best to make things clear.
ー Diluc, all those years you did nothing but give me mixed signals. Every time I thought you maybe liked me back, you did something to keep me in the dark. You were drunk the day you confessed and the next day you didn"t remember anything, how could I risk our friendship based on that? ー Diluc opened his mouth to answer, but Kaeya signaled him to wait. ー You say you like to be around me and always come to me when I need to, but you also treat me with unnecessary ignorance when you"re not ignoring me or pushing me away from you. I love you so much, but when I think I"m finally understanding you, you come and show me that I actually don"t understand a fucking thing!
Silence. Kaeya looked at the plates on the towel and felt sad, he didn"t want to ruin that beautiful moment between them. The day had been so nice, but the food was already cold and soon the sun would go down. And Diluc was silent again.
ー Do you have any idea how painful it is to watch the man you love go out with other people? ー Diluc managed to make the lump of sadness and resentment trapped in the pit of his stomach rise. He wasn"t angry at Kaeya, but at the situation they were both equally guilty of. ー After every photo of you in someone"s car and dating rumors I felt more miserable, because I know you weren"t with me because I was a coward once.
ー If you"re a coward, so am I for knowing and not saying anything. ー Kaeya reached for Diluc"s cold fingers, squeezing them between his hands. ー Every time I thought about saying something, my mind would instantly take me back to that day you promised to ask me out, remember?
ー Of course I did, the day my dad found out I"m gay. ー Those were memories from years ago, but they hurted like fresh cuts on flesh.
ー I always think about that day, the hope I felt. But you never asked me out, in my head it meant that you don"t like me that much. So I should move on, but it"s impossible. You have been the source of both my happiness and agony for over the last few years. ー The sky gradually acquired the orange hue of twilight. Zhongli warned that they"d better get out of there before dark or the trails might get confused, but neither of them seemed to realize the spectacle that nature was about to present. ー What happened? Did… the feeling vanished for a while? I"m not going to judge or anything, I just need to know.
Diluc chuckled, cupping Kaeya"s chin between his fingers. His eyes, red from crying, were bright and burning with the attempt to hold back more tears.
ー I wouldn"t be able to stop loving you for even a second, Kaeya. You are my Starlight, you have the unique ability to drive me crazy while also brightening my day with just one word. ー Diluc"s fingers rose to his trembling lips, Kaeya rubbed them against the digits, tasting the salty tears on them. ー Now I want you to remember the day you signed your first contract.
ー How could I forget? You were there with me. ー Taking a deep breath, Diluc nodded. He trailed his fingers down to some of Kaeya"s messy strands, tucking them behind his ears as he worked up the courage to continue. It was a happy memory for Kaeya that he would sully with his regret.
ー I was going to ask you to be my boyfriend that day. Remember the candles, the table set with those fancy foods? It wasn"t only because of your contract, it was set to happen that day. ー That was the last time Diluc allowed himself to cry so much. If he remembered the horrible feeling in his stomach, the retching feeling of having decided to give up his own feelings for Kaeya. He didn"t regret anything, but it was a painful memory.
ー What happened then?
ー Your contract happened. The dating clause… I couldn"t be responsible for fucking up or delaying your future, Kae.
In that moment, it was like the ground opened up under Kaeya"s feet. He gave a few steps back, flashing a shaky smile as he walked to the bandstand. It couldn"t be that, he couldn"t believe that the last few years could have been different if it wasn"t for that crappy paper. Because of the job he had lost the passion for. He wanted to believe there was one more reason, he couldn"t accept it.
ー Is this some joke, Diluc? Because if it is, it"s not funny.
Diluc stood up, looking at the man who was pacing back and forth while chuckling to himself. If it were other times, Diluc would remain watching from afar, completely afraid to take action. But he wasn"t that kind of man anymore. The lawyer held Kaeya firmly by the arms, he wanted to hug him to try to calm his spirits, but he kept him still so that he could observe the emotions passing through his distressed face.
ー Why would it be a joke?
ー Well, because that"s just ridiculous. ー Kaeya released himself from the man"s grasp, waving his arms around in exasperation. ー Contracts in my field are important, but many are just a formality. If that worried you, all you had to do was just tell me and I"d talk to the directors.
ー Now that you have a big name, yes that"s easy. But who guaranteed that you would get the place you"re now if you were with me? You think you"re persuasive, but no one would listen to you if you were just one more of the thousands of pretty faces they sign monthly contracts with, Kaeya! ー The harshness in the redhead"s voice irritated him deeply, but Kaeya knew that if they kept like that, they would soon be yelling at each other and that was the last thing he wanted.
ー Explain yourself right now, because I want to believe you didn"t wanted to say that. ー He asked in a calmer voice, trying to step back and being stopped by Diluc"s hand that held him by the arm once more. As he glanced back at the redhead, he found frustration.
ー You are extremely talented, Kae. I always knew it, I always believed in you. But imagine what it would have been like if someone found out? You wouldn"t have had the same opportunities to show your talent and value. ー The worst thing about what Diluc was saying is that Kaeya knew he was right. He had friends who got rejected because they were dating. The producers don"t like the chance of having scandals linked to their projects. ー I wanted to protect you because I know what you have gone through.
ー But you shouldn"t be the one making that decision, don"t you think? ー The hand on Kaeya"s arm slipped, falling in defeat beside the body of the man who stared at him exhausted. ー Do you have any idea of everything I felt these years? The loneliness that I experienced while you kept pushing me away? Never crossed your mind that I should decide this?
ー Yes, what I did was wrong, I know it and I hated myself for doing so. But I was trying to protect you. And do you realize what I went through, Kaeya? Do you think it was easy to just let go of my dream? Because you are my dream. ー A few steps forward and Diluc was inches from Kaeya, his finger pointed at the actor"s chest. ー Do you think it was easy to read all those rumors while I refused… no, while I was unable to forget you? I don"t just want to have you as a boyfriend, Kaeya. I want to marry you. I want to build a family with you. Want to adopt three kids and have a big house with you. ー Kaeya bit the inside of his cheek, looking away because he couldn"t take it anymore and looking at Diluc as he uttered those words would make him cry. The redhead then cupped the younger face on his hands, softly. ー I want to get old by your side. This is the dream that I"ve been postponing for ages and which kills me every day. You say I was your source of both your happiness and agony? Well, I felt the same way.
Kaeya had spent the last few days afraid of being abandoned, but as he placed her hands over Diluc"s, gently lowering them, he was the one who abandoned him.
Without saying a word, he bent down to pack the forgotten picnic back into the basket. He couldn"t think of anything to say, needing to digest that river of information he had received. It was wonderful to know he wasn"t alone and Diluc loved him back, but all those other things said hurted.
ー My head is spinning. ー Kaeya started after a long and torturous pause of silence. Diluc was leaning against a tree watching him, arms crossed and a hurt expression on his face. ー I need to understand what you said, because now I feel like my career was built on top of my own despair and I don"t know how to react… But I love you. ー He turned his head back, looking at the man who had sad and empty eyes. ー I love you, Diluc. Nothing will ever change that.
Diluc pulled away from the tree, the sun was already setting by then and the orange sky gave the moment a more dramatic tone. The older one knelt beside Kaeya, nimble fingers threading through the blue strands to grasp the back of the man"s neck and pull him down for a kiss. Kaeya had been kissing those same lips for seven years, but there was something different in that kiss. The feeling of knowing that everything was real, that they loved each other and didn"t have to fear the loss made it more tasteful.
ー I love you too, my love. ー Kaeya smiled, rubbing his lips against Diluc"s. ー Take your time, I"ll be waiting for you. I have always been.
Kaeya had no idea what to do, if before discovering that he was already discouraged with the direction his professional life was taking, now he felt even more lost. He needed to think calmly about the next steps, but regardless of the way his life would take from then on, Diluc would be present at his side. Oh, that he was sure.
X
Kaeya did not return to Childe"s house.
Under numerous protests from Diluc, he opted to return to Mondstadt. Kaeya sent a message to his friend apologizing for leaving in a hurry, but that he would explain more later. Then, he asked Jean to send someone to pick him up at the harbor. Diluc offered to drive him back to Mondstadt, becoming deeply irritated when Kaeya told him he wanted to spend some time alone. They would have the rest of their lives to share, right now Kaeya needed to think.
And the actor thought all the way back. It was midnight when he arrived home, being greeted by the silence and the cold emptiness of his huge apartment. During the shower, he mentally went through everything he should do and by the time he was getting dressed, he was sure of his next steps. He needed to be brave, Diluc had made an important decision a few years ago and he would be forever grateful for it, but now he needed to make his own decisions. He was tired of pretending, he would put an end to that long scene.
It was with this thought and certainty that Kaeya arranged the phone camera on a small tripod, sitting on the couch of his office. His face was peaceful, but his hands were sweating and shaking a little. He would schedule the video to be released in the morning, so it would be less likely to be deleted without reaching a large audience.
Kaeya sighed heavily, straightening his posture. With determination, he started recording.
"Hello everyone, it"s 1:35 am right now and when you watch this video, my life will be different. I would like to start this by introducing myself, you know me from my work as an actor and model, but in this video it is not the artist speaking, but the person behind it. My name is Kaeya Alberich, nice to meet you." Kaeya smiled, extending his hand forward in greeting.
"What I came to talk about here in this video is very personal, but I prefer to break the news myself than to read more speculations about my life or behavior. In the last two years, the press vehicles have been showing a lot of interest in what I do, with whom I date and fantasize about this persona they had built about me. In fact, I took some advantage and enjoyed this for a while, but that"s not who I am."
Kaeya clasped hands on his legs, staring at the camera.
"The thing is that I"m in love. I"ve been in love with the same person for years and today I found out that not only is it reciprocated, but that he gave up our relationship so it wouldn"t ruin my career... First of all, I must say that I won"t reveal who he is or his name at this time so I hope you respect his and my friends" privacy. The only thing you need to know is that he"s a lawyer and a good one! I wouldn"t play detective with him if I were you." The actor laughed, imagining Diluc"s expression when the video aired. He was in doubt as to whether he would be scolded by the lawyer or loved by the man. "I don"t know how familiar you guys are with this, but it"s common for some contracts to have relationship clauses, as we sell not only our art, but our image as well. You have no idea of how many careers were damaged because the artist decided to just… love. That"s what this someone so special to me was thinking when he decided to hide his feelings for so long... I"m forever grateful for that, but I prefer to deal with the situation in a more dramatic way."
Kaeya leaned forward to be closer to the camera and closed his eyes.
"Close your eyes with me. Now I want you to think about the person you like or that you"re in a relationship with. Imagine liking that person for years and not being able to say you love them, not being able to take care of them… How does it feel?" Kaeya opened his eyes with a sad smile. "You can open your eyes now and send a message to the person you love, you can declare yourself, post beautiful photos, go for a walk… Well, I can"t. Many artists you like can"t, that"s because our image is built to be consumed by our fans and sometimes what you"re seeing isn"t the truth. It got to the point where I thought about giving up my career because as much as I love what I do, I"m not being myself. But I"ve been thinking about going back to the theater, where it all started and where I fell in love with the art. I want to find myself again and reconnect with my art, but to help me on this difficult path I need the person I love by my side, for that I count on your support."
"And about that person… I always liked him. We were roommates in college and he was so cute and good looking, he"s actually wonderful and it"s not just because I love him, okay?" Kaeya laughed, playing with his thumbs as he thought back to that time. It was a beautiful story, he couldn"t deny it. "He was so polite and his manners were so cute. He blushed for everything, I loved flirting with him just to see him turn into a tomato. And after we… slept together for the first time I felt something change inside of me and living together only made me fall in love faster for him. He always gave me strength, he took care of me when I was tired. At that time, I had work and to study both college texts and characters I was trying. He helped me rehearse, even putting on costumes that I improvised at home to make them more real…"
Kaeya looked back at the camera, imagining that he was talking directly to Diluc.
"I"m sure I wouldn"t have made this far if it weren"t for your unconditional support and I love you for that and all the thousands of other things you"ve done for me over all these years. It hurts me to think of all the times I"ve hurt you without knowing it, that"s why I"m willing to do anything to see you happy. Speaking of my career, I can say that I"m a fulfilled man, but my personal dreams were dormant during all these years because you were in all of them too. They can cancel all my contracts and never call me again for a role, I don"t care. As long as I have you by my side I"ll be happy."
"There"s a song that I really like and one of its passages is something like "the blue sky over us can collapse on itself and the ground can cave in. Little matters to me if you love me". I"m tired of lying, of pretending, of acting offstage. I want my life with you, I have the same dreams as you. I am waiting for you. For everyone watching, this is my hymne à l"amour"