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Loki had never seen the purpose of amassing betas. Yes, for a society they were paramount. They were a backbone to keep everything functioning without being swayed by the emotional and instinctive whims of alphas or omegas.
Alphas and omegas were, by far, the grander and more coveted designation, but betas were the majority. Loki did not look down upon them, but unlike his brother and many of the other alphas around, he did not feel a need to have them follow after him.
(Of course, he was hardly a typical alpha and therefore, was not likely to have many betas vying for his side.)
Truthfully, Loki found the whole situation far too predictable and boring. The habits were ingrained. Alphas had a collection of betas who followed them. Omegas fluttered their eyes and waited to be chosen and bonded to an alpha. Betas paired off with one another and, frequently, their children followed after the children of the alpha whom the parents had followed.
Centuries and generations of families following a never-changing sequence of events. Loki knew he was meant to play a similar part.
Find some betas (‘healers’, his mother had encouraged, for they would be more inclined towards him with their shared seidr usage), locate a suitable omega (‘perhaps re-visit Alfheim?’, his mother had suggested, well-aware that the omegas of Asgard would look to alphas like Thor, rather than him. But that the elves would appreciate his talents and leaner build) and then, upon completion of both, he would live up to his role of son and prince.
So far, Loki had managed neither.
It was not entirely due to disinterest and ignoring her advice. He had tried both, but found the healers a little too boring in their conversations. They were also wary of him and his vast quantities of seidr that he used offensively rather than defensively.
The Elves he got along with better, but despite meeting numerous omegas, he could not find one whom truly… fit. They were still far too like Asgardian omegas and he did not want a partner who would smile, dote and otherwise be submissive to him.
Thankfully, he was still considered too young to have undue pressure placed on him. They would be willing to let him stay untethered for a few more decades, at least.
And so, while he was not outwardly searching for either betas or omegas, he was not dismissing them out of hand. He knew he would have to comply eventually, that he too would become one more alpha following a prearranged pattern.
It was why, when Loki saw something different, he was not only shocked but he was kept completely riveted.
It was a small thing, really, something he should not have even noticed but it had been the man’s tone that had caught his attention. So unassuming and polite, but with words that were too precisely chosen. Loki had turned back from where he’d been wandering the markets, following the voices and staying out of sight.
He’d watched from the shadows of a stall as a beta casually and deftly manipulated an alpha of the court.
Yes, manipulated.
The man was using all the right words, body language and tones to look and sound like a helpful beta doing the best for an alpha. The alpha, a man Loki had a passing acquaintance with, was lapping it up, completely oblivious to what was unfolding.
As the situation evolved, Loki could not help grinning. He wanted to laugh but kept it contained. The beta was even backhand insulting the alpha, and, Loki was certain, selling him wares at far above market price. But Loki didn’t intervene. He knew the man. The minor Lord had always believed that his status meant he could bully anyone of a different designation into doing what he wanted.
The alpha was bringing it upon himself.
It was only when he left (the beta sweetly praising and thanking him for his purchase) that Loki stepped from the shadows and approached the stall. The beta’s back had been to him but he turned around with a smile. It froze on his face when he recognised Loki.
But, all too quickly, he lowered his head in a formal bow.
“Prince Loki, how may I be of help today?”
“I’m curious of your wares. Tell me about them.”
The beta’s sharp gaze met his and this time, when he spoke, his words were still chosen carefully, but Loki noticed the man was not trying to manipulate him. He seemed wary, but honest. Clearly, he had not irritated or provoked the man.
It was very intriguing.
When the man finished his explanations, Loki thanked him but didn’t purchase anything, he went to another stall and then another, but circled back to his initial corner in order to observe.
Five more alphas, two betas, and one omega came to the stall. He manipulated three of them. Anyone who tried to use their designation to their advantage was quickly and swiftly outmanoeuvred without being any the wiser. Anyone who approached him with respect was given it in return.
It was so different.
And it was why, as the merchants all closed their stalls for the day and started to pack up, Loki returned to the beta. He was in the process of wrapping his wares when he jerked and turned to him.
“Oh, uh, Prince Loki. I am closing, but if you are interested in something-”
“Yes, I am,” Loki interrupted. “I am interested in a beta who has exploited and manipulated at least four alphas today.”
The man’s eyes widened, shock and even a hint of fear showing – but that was not what he wanted. He had no intention of getting the man in trouble. It was why, he let an amused smile curl his lips.
“It’s quite impressive, really, and, I’ve noted, only done to those whom deserve it.” He tilted his head and shifted more of his weight against the stand as he lowered his voice, “I am all together intrigued. Such a smart and unusual person is rarely found on Asgard.”
Loki has chosen that word carefully, person, not beta. Because if this man was anything like he expected, he would not consider himself defined by his designation.
He was rewarded by the man’s fear lessening, he was still wary but he offered a small, charming smile.
“If I have intrigued you, Prince Loki, I shall take it as a compliment. Although, I had hoped it would be for my wares, not my business practices.”
Loki chuckled. “Your wares may still impress me, but for now, I’d rather focus on a piece of information I do not yet have.”
The man’s eyes narrowed. “And that is?”
“Your name.”
He blinked. “Oh. Howardson. Anthony.”
Loki grinned. “I look forward to seeing more of you, Anthony Howardson.”
Howardson still remained wary, but Loki turned and left the markets. He would leave the beta for a few hours, give him time to digest what had been discovered and then, he would seek him out.
Someone so curious and intelligent was far too interesting for Loki to ignore.
He’d intended to drop in on the beta a few times, stem his curiosity and inevitably grow bored. But, he hadn't.
During the first two visits the beta had been polite and very careful with his actions, just like at his stall. But by the third, he'd clearly grown annoyed. He'd started to snipe at him, to try and manipulate him. It had been done very cautiously but Loki had been delighted. He'd bantered back and informed him, ‘Oh, I am not tricked so easily.’
In response, Howardson had even started to snort and smile.
It had taken the course of a month for Howardson to relax around him and in that time Loki had realised that he actually, genuinely liked the man. It had been a surprising realisation as he did not like many people. But the truth had been unshakeable. He'd also understood, for the first time, why alphas would want someone loyal at their side. While he'd had no wish for dozens, he would have been happy with Howardson. With... Anthony.
Unfortunately, the man had made it very clear: he did not want to follow an alpha. Loki had observed it over the weeks, and even heard someone comment on it. He had been intending to visit the man’s smithy when he’d overheard the conversation between Anthony and another beta.
“So,” the man had said, “Prince Loki, huh?”
“What about him?”
“He spends a lot of time around here.”
“He’s dazzled by my intellect.”
Loki had stifled a snort of amusement.
“Tones,” the man had said, a clearly affectionate nickname but said this time with concern. “He’s an alpha. You’re letting him close. You’re letting-”
“It’s not about designations,” Anthony had answered, short and sharp. “To either of us. He doesn’t act like I’m a beta he wants following him. I don’t treat him like an alpha I’ll blindly trail after. We respect each other, that’s it. Frankly, it’s a relief. I’ve never met anyone who seems to get it. Designations don’t matter, minds do.”
Standing by the smithy, Loki had been hit with two very distinct and emotional realisations. Anthony had perfectly described how he’d always felt about designations, they were the same. And yet, it had also made him realise that hearing in black and white that they could not be that to each other had hurt.
The mixed emotions had left him unable to see the man that day and he’d left without ever venturing inside, nor hearing the rest of the conversation.
In the end he’d decided that regardless of what his instincts wanted, he'd simply not pursue it. After all, they could still be those things; loyal, confidantes and friends, they'd just fulfil it without their instinctual roles playing a part. It was why, a few days later, he'd followed Anthony's example; when it had been mentioned offhandedly by an alpha, he'd shot down the notion that Anthony was ‘his beta’.
‘Anthony is a beta, yes,' he'd answered coldly, "but I think you’ll find he belongs to no one.’
People had frowned, not seeming to understand his actions, but Anthony, when he’d learned of it, had smiled. It had been an expression so wide and honest in its pleasure that Loki hadn't been able to feel disappointed that Anthony was not ‘his’. Truly, it had felt all the sweeter knowing they were associates despite their instincts rather than because of them.
And, not long after, he had been introduced to the man’s long-time friend, Rhodes. He was an Einherjar beta; loyal to the alpha leader of his battalion and unshakingly devoted to Anthony. He'd very much fit the mould of his fellow betas, and yet, he hadn't condemned either of them for their disregard of what was ‘right’ or ‘proper’.
The man had seemed to approve of him, which had been a mystifying concept, made all the more bemusing when Rhodes’ battalion of Einherjar had started to be more respectful towards him. The Einherjar had never been rude, but Loki had gained the distinct impression that if he were to ever need a quick Einherjar’s aid in battle, Rhodes’ battalion would more readily answer his command.
It had left Loki pondering how much things could change; a year and an observation in the markets had seen a great shift in his life. Where he had previously been secluded from his fellows and rarely dined outside the palace walls, he now had meals at taverns with Anthony. He'd even convinced the man to attend small feasts at court, allowing him to introduce the man to his mother. She'd been delighted, and while she'd been noticeably confused that they were not acting as was expected, she had never questioned them or complained. She'd merely been happy he had finally gained some manner of a beta. The only thing she would want next was for him to court an omega.
Something which even Anthony mentioned.
They’d been in the back of a tavern, observing the various patrons and sipping from ales as they waited for their meals. It had been a normal evening, the kind they now shared at least once a week when Anthony had spoken, “I heard Vanaheim delegates are coming next week.”
“Yes,” Loki agreed. “Expect to see me more often as I hide from them in your forge.”
Anthony snorted. He took another sip of ale but remarked, “I thought a few omegas would be there.”
“Undoubtably.”
“And that does not interest you?”
Loki raised an eyebrow. “There are at least twenty betas in this tavern, do they not interest you?”
Anthony shrugged. “I am not required to marry.”
“A fate I plan to avoid for a few more decades.”
Anthony grinned, looking amused even if it was quickly hidden behind his tankard. It was only after their meals and as Loki was walking back to the palace alone and thinking over the evening that a new thought stopped him in his tracks.
Why do I have to marry an omega?
Anthony had always insisted that to them designation did not matter, so why then did he assume that Loki would pick an omega? Why couldn’t he choose a different designation?
Why couldn’t he choose a beta?
Loki would admit, he didn’t handle that revelation well.
He stayed within his rooms until the delegates arrived and, rather than flee to the forge as he’d intended, he stayed within the feasting halls. He attended all the events and danced with the omegas. Yet, his mind felt a thousand miles away.
It was fixated on a beta in a forge who had no idea that Loki wanted… more.
His mother was not so oblivious. She invited him for tea one evening when all reasonable people would be retiring. She poured the brew and sipped quietly and patiently, leaving him alone with his thoughts. It gave him all the time to think and to decide if he would unburden himself.
It was a routine they had performed many hundreds of times, and like always, he eventually spoke. His voice quiet and timid in a way it rarely was as he asked, “Would it be a terrible problem if I did not choose an omega?”
His mother did not even pause in sipping her tea. She lowered it, met his gaze and asked, “A beta perhaps?”
He flinched, feeling his stomach twist. Had he truly been that obvious? Did she merely know him well or had half the realm worked it out?
She reached out and patted his hand.
“It is not as obvious as you are fearing,” she promised. “And it would be unusual, Loki but not frowned upon. If you were both happy, that is all that anyone could ask.” She smiled. “And Anthony is a lovely young man.”
Loki glanced away, unable to hold his mother’s gaze.
“Anthony is a wonderful man," Loki agreed. "But my question was purely hypothetical.”
“Of course it was, dear.”
Loki closed his eyes. “He does not want to follow an alpha, let alone…”
He couldn’t finish and instead fell silent. His mother didn’t respond for a long moment, but eventually she said, “Anthony is the most independent beta I have ever seen. He does it respectfully and honourably, but he bends to no one.”
“Yes.”
“It is fortunate that you are not the type of alpha who wants his companions to break. You want someone to stand as strong as you. A feat no other has managed, save your Anthony.”
“He’s not mine,” Loki said hoarsely, even as every instinct and feeling in him soared at hearing it.
“Maybe not yet,” she said. “But rest assured, dear, should he become yours, neither I nor your father would fight you over it.”
Loki swallowed hard. He didn’t have the words to respond to that. To have his parents blessing was an important and relieving thing to hear, but it did not help the immediate and main problem. Just because he could have Anthony, it didn’t mean that man himself would want him.
It stayed on his mind. The conversation with his mother leaving him on edge. Which, unfortunately, meant that when he was with Anthony in his forge a few days later and an ignorant alpha made a comment, his nerves were too frayed.
Normally, his presence was enough to keep alphas in check, but some of them truly had more ego than sense.
The man had been dismissive and rude since entering the forge. Anthony had been noticeably annoyed (as had Loki, but Anthony had handled alphas since long before they were associated. He also would not want an alpha defending him. So, Loki had learned to bite his tongue).
Loki had been in the corner, feigning reading but when Anthony had finally snapped at the man, the alpha had bristled immediately.
“You would do well to be more respectful, beta. Not every alpha will be willing to put up with you like the prince.”
Loki had lifted his head, his gaze icy and his instincts roaring with rage. While he never normally interfered with Anthony’s business, his desires for more; his affection and possessiveness meant he could not stay quiet.
“I do not put up with him,” Loki said, barely keeping his tone level. “And you would do well to be respectful to him as you are in his forge.”
The alpha looked unimpressed. He’d also turned from Anthony, seemingly dismissing him in favour of Loki.
“A proper reminder of authority would be better suited," he said. "If you won’t make a proper beta out of him, others can do the job.”
The threat and implication of someone taking Anthony near blinded Loki with anger. His hands clenched on the book so hard he likely indented the leather.
“You would be wise to stop talking now,” Loki growled, his tone cold and his fury barely leashed.
The alpha finally seemed to notice the deadly intent radiating from him. The man actually stiffened and took a wary step backward. Anthony had been watching the exchange with a narrowed gaze. But he pointedly walked to his forge door and opened it.
“I think what you should actually do is leave and never come back.”
The alpha, finally showing a lick of sense, retreated. Despite his immediate disappearance, Loki’s anger was not cooled. His seidr crackled from him as he glared at the space where the man had disappeared.
It was only when hands encircled his that he jerked his attention away, meeting Anthony’s soft brown gaze.
“Try and calm down, alpha, or you might start scaring the nearby omegas.”
Alpha, the word, more then the rest, went a way to soothing him. Anthony never called him by designation, and it helped, as if the man was acknowledging what he was – what he could be.
Loki didn’t know what was showing on his features, but Anthony’s expression softened further.
“I’ve never told you this, but I think right now you need to hear it; whatever anyone else thinks, whatever I have said in the past: I would willingly follow you.” He squeezed Loki’s hands. “They are dumb and arrogant, but you aren't. You would be an alpha worth putting my trust in, Loki.”
It both soothed and elated him to hear that. Anthony trusted him, Anthony would follow him. Anthony touched him. The intimate embrace of their hands made Loki want to rumble with approval. But then he started to step back, he let go. Loki darted out and caught the beta's tunic. Anthony stilled, noticeably confused, not wary or fearful. He, if anything, was concerned.
"Loki?"
“That is an honour,” Loki said roughly, speaking honestly but without thinking it through. In that moment, he did not care. “But I do not want you to follow me.”
He saw the confusion deepen, but Loki was already moving. He closed the space and kissed Anthony. He felt the beta gasp, but Loki shut his eyes and let the instincts he’d bottled flare outwards. It would pervade his scent, it would be obvious; how much he wanted this, longed for this.
He didn’t want a follower; he wanted a lover and partner. He wanted Anthony.
And he didn’t think about why he’d never said it, why he’d hidden it, why he’d contained himself so long until an alpha had threatened to take Anthony and he’d felt so much possessive, protective rage he hadn’t been able to stop.
But then the door opened. Then a familiar voice asked, “Is everything okay? I felt-”
Rhodes cut off and Loki yanked back from Anthony. He didn’t look at the beta. He could only feel the crushing dread of a mistake. He twisted his seidr and disappeared in a flash. He already knew that right now; the last thing Anthony would want in his space was an alpha he could no longer trust.
Foolish, foolish, foolish.
It ran through his mind on repeat as he sat, not in his room, but on the palace roof, replaying the scenario, hearing Anthony’s coveted words over and over - only to ruin it a heartbeat later.
Can I salvage it?
He’d wondered it just as often as he’d cursed himself. Because, Anthony had said he would follow him. Anthony, who did not make that declaration lightly. Surely, he could prove himself again? Surely, he could blame his instincts?
He won’t accept it. He hates alphas who are ruled by their instincts.
Loki covered his face with his hands and groaned. He didn't know of any way to reverse it, any way to undo what he had broken. How could he be an alpha Anthony could follow, if the man knew what he felt? Could he accept close a man who longed for him when he didn’t feel the same way?
I would rather know I have lost him, then lose him by never going back.
Loki groaned again, a pitiful pained noise at the idea of losing him, of being rejected, but he could not merely hide away. Anthony… the beta meant the world to him. He couldn’t walk away if there was even a sliver of a chance of still spending time around him.
He had to know.
It still took a few hours for him to leave the roof, to come up with a means of approach. He ended up going to his rooms and grabbing parchment and a quill. He also grabbed a small satchel. Loki had very little doubt it would work, but he had to arrive with something, his roiling instincts left him no choice. It was night when he finally returned to the forge, clutching the items close even as he rapped on the door.
The lights were on, he knew the man was home.
It took a few moments and during them Loki wondered if he’d even be acknowledged. But the door opened and Anthony was revealed. Loki took great care not to look at his face.
“I apologise,” Loki said, quietly but sincerely. “Your statement was an honour and one you rarely bestow.” He held out the letter and satchel. “I have no excuse. My instincts should have been better controlled both before and... when I... did what I did." He pulled in strengthening breath. "I know I am an alpha of influence and my association could provide you benefits. I know you care nothing for them, but I must offer them as apology.”
Anthony was silent and he did not take them. Loki swallowed hard. He could feel his hopes fading, the lingering embers being snuffed out.
“I know it may be too much, that you may never trust..." he pressed his lips together, hating to acknowledge it but refusing to stop. "If I am allowed to remain, I will never speak of what occurred. I will be your friend." He gritted his jaw, fighting his instincts that wanted him to stop, grab, never let go. "But if you are now uncomfortable around me, I understand and I will leave, but these are my gifts to you, regardless of what you now know of me.”
There was a very long silence, it felt worse than awaiting judgement and punishment before the Allfather.
“I've never liked alphas thinking they can control me and I hate overdramatic displays of possession and aggression.”
Loki flinched and his hands lowered, abruptly realising the offer would not be taken; he would not be taken. The man clearly wanted nothing more to do with him; no reminders, no scent, not even fond memories.
“I… understand.”
He closed his eyes and drew in a breath. He also lifted his head, wanting to see Anthony’s face one more time before he left, no matter what was there. Only, it wasn’t hate or discomfort, it was… soft. Anthony smiled; it seemed faintly amused but mostly fond.
“I appreciate the apology. You knew you did something I hated and immediately wanted to correct it. But the thing you’re missing is, I said you’d be worth putting my trust in, I said it after your instincts had taken over.” He reached out, wrapping his hand around one of Loki’s, a mimic of what had happened earlier. “And when I did I wasn’t saying it could only be as a beta to an alpha.”
Loki blinked. Anthony’s smile grew. He also bent forward and very gently kissed him. Loki sucked in a sharp breath, but before it could deepen, Anthony pulled back.
“Come inside. We’ve forged this relationship by being ourselves. Let’s stick to that and see where it takes us.” Anthony looked down at the stuff in his hands. “Without the alpha bargains.”
Loki disappeared them immediately, he then took a better grip on Anthony’s hand. It was probably too tight; lingering fear of losing Anthony unable to be fully quenched, but Anthony didn't flinch or let go.
“I merely wanted you to accept me back,” Loki confessed quietly. “Somehow. Some part of me. Even just my occasional companionship. That was all I sought to gain.” He swallowed. "That was what I thought would... help."
“I know,” Anthony said softly. “But I can’t be bought or manipulated with gifts, Loki. Alphas have tried, and failed. But I also understand some instincts are hard to fight.” He squeezed his hand. “But I have to be won the old-fashioned way; by their personality, by their mind." His eyes twinkled. "And, luckily for you; you did that ages ago.”
“I did?”
“Yeah, Loki.” Anthony said. “You did.”
Loki finally slumped with relief. He also stepped closer, daring to press his forehead to Anthony’s. When he wasn’t rebuffed, he tightened his hands around Anthony’s, feeling the man squeeze back.
Standing in the doorway of the man’s forge, Loki felt something settle that he hadn’t even known was out of place. It meant he could finally understand why alphas wanted betas and even why they wanted omegas. But Loki also knew he would never be like his fellows. He didn’t need a dozen people at his side clamouring for his attention, nor a submissive omega who would follow his every whim. All he needed, all he wanted was his Anthony.