Chapter Text
Dan stared at the small babies in his brother and brother in laws are with his nose scrunched and his lip curled in distaste. He was really expected to watch those things? And keep them alive? Danny was asking far too much from him.
“So, here’s their feeding schedule, they are pretty used to it so try to stick to it,” Dick said, bouncing one of the girls in his arms. How were they supposed to keep the two straight?
“Okay, we can do this,” Jason said with a determined nod before he took Elea from Dick, or was that Eleni? Dan really wasn’t sure.
“Eleni has had a really upset stomach the last few days,” Danny said, handing the girl to Dan. “So if she poops, but some of this buttpaste on her afterward. They’re both really chill babies so it should all be fine. I mean what are a couple of five-month-olds gonna do?”
A lot it turns out. A lot.
After Dick and Danny left for their mission to find the best cereal in the Infinite Realms the twins just exploded. Twin number one started to fucking float and it seemed like twin number two had her dad’s wail because that was the only way she could scream the way she was right now. Dan was now flying in the air chasing twin number one who thought it was all a goddamn game while Jason wore earmuffs as he desperately tried to stop twin number two’s wails.
“Jason, we are never doing this again,” Dan declared as he finally caught twin number one and held her tight to his chest and landed in front of his boyfriend. He could not believe that he had ever allowed Jason to talk him into this babysitting mess in the first place. How did he let that dumbass drag him into these different situations? They could be back at Jason’s place, having the best sex imaginable but no, instead they were watching two fucking five-month-olds who Dan was pretty sure were actually demons in disguise.
Was this a continuation of his punishment for destroying the world in his timeline? Hadn’t he been punished enough? Why was Danny doing this to him now? Twin number one gurgled and slapped her hands against Dan’s face as she kicked her feet.
Dan sneered in disgust. She was kinda cute.
“Oh fuck no we aren’t,” Jason shot back. “When Dick asked me to watch them he didn’t fucking tell me that they had ghost powers!”
Dan just sighed and swapped babies with Jason. “Let me take Twin Number Two.”
“Her name is Eleni! Are you seriously calling them twin one and two?” Jason asked incredulously as they switched babies.
“They’re identical. I can’t tell the difference,” Dan muttered. “Twin One is wearing the black onesie, Twin Two is wearing the orange one that reminds me of my father’s ugly ass jumpsuit.”
“Twin One as you so lovingly call her is Elea, Twin Two is Eleni, you’re a terrible uncle, Dan, how could you strip our nieces from their identities like that? Do you have to be an asshole all the time?” Jason asked, glaring at Dan as he clutched Elea to his chest. Dan just rolled his eyes.
“You were comforting Eleni wrong,” he muttered before he let a purr escape from his core and almost immediately the girl stopped her wails. “She’s probably used to having Danny’s core there to comfort her and she was scared without the comfort. And yes, I do have to be an asshole all the time you fucking dick.”
“That’s my brother,” he snarled and kicked Dan in the shins making him wince as he continued to let the comforting purrs escape from his chest. Jason finally stopped and looked at his boyfriend. “You know, that’s kinda hot,” he admitted.
Dan just gave the idiot a disgusted look as he sat beside him and held the baby close.
Meanwhile
“Danny, I love you so much,” Dick said as they grabbed their cereal from the newest dimension they had landed in. It was a strange dimension full of people with weird ass names. Danny had called it the Batpham Dimension whatever that meant. There were Dis Puffs, Ikki-O’s, something called Oops All Angst, Tathy Loops, Arlie Bites, and some cereal called Quack Attack. Of course, the couple had grabbed all of them, these were some of the more interesting cereals they had found so far. Much better than the Spidey-Os from the Marvel Dimension. That dimension had nothing but superhero themed cereals. It was a little obnoxious if Dick was going to be honest.
He totally wasn’t jealous that there were no Nightwing flakes in his dimension or anything like that. Absolutely not.
A cereal line? That was totally beneath him.
“I love you too Birdy,” Danny said with a grin as he looked at one called the Akela Crunch. And of course Dick threw the box that was called Summer L-Oats o' Puns into their grocery basket. They were going to be stocked up on cereal for years . Danny had already informed him that he would have Clockwork freeze the cereal in time so it wouldn’t go bad. It would be glorious! All the cereal from all of these different dimensions. Dick would get to try a new one every single day of his life! And with his soul connected to Danny’s core, that was going to be a really long fucking life.
“It’s really nice to just get to go out the two of us. I mean, we’ve been so busy with everything going on in our lives and getting to just have the time for the two of us to spend time together without having to take care of the twins, or be heroes, or anything like that? It’s nice,” Dick said as they pushed the shopping cart together towards the check out counter.
Danny looked at a box of Susi Snacks and smiled over at his husband as he set it in the basket. “It is really nice, I wonder how things are going with the girls and Dan and Jason.”
Dick shrugged his shoulders. “I think they’ll be fine, they’re just five months old, it’s not like they’re going to cause that much trouble.”
At the Nightingale-Wayne’s Home
“Eleni! This isn’t funny!” Jason shouted, ready to burst into tears at any moment as he flipped the couch over, looking desperately for the invisible five-month-old . He had set the girls down for their nap and gone back to the living room to watch a movie with Dan. Babysitting the twins had been more difficult than he thought it would have been and he was absolutely exhausted.
Dick and Danny hadn’t fucking told them that their kids had powers and the two five-month-old babies were causing absolute mayhem! According to Dan, it looked like one of them was developing a fucking fire core! The other? An electric core! He had put out so many goddamn fires in just the last two hours that he felt like he was going to pull his hair out.
He already had one white streak, this day was going to turn his whole fucking head white at this point. He was going to lose his goddamn mind. And now they had lost a baby!
It had been Dan’s fucking fault too. His stupid, oaf of a boyfriend had suggested they put the girls down for a nap, saying that they would be fine. Well, they fucking weren’t!
Dan had gone back to check on them after thirty minutes only to find Elea in her crib. Eleni was nowhere to be seen.
Dick and Danny may have been the weirdest couple in the entire world but there was one thing for certain about the both of them. They were fiercely overprotective of their children. It was why they had only trusted this task to Jason and Dan! Because if anyone could keep the two kids safe it would be the crime lord and the ultra powerful ghost who managed to kill the fucking Justice League!
But no, they couldn’t handle the simple task of keeping two small children safe and sound for a few hours. Danny and Dick were going to be home any minute now and Jason and Dan were going to die. And not just die, but die-die like cease to exist.
If he thought what Danny had done to his parents was brutal, he didn’t know what was going to be in store for him and Dan after losing their fucking daughter!
“We’re going to find her, it’s fine,” Dan assured him. “I can still sense her, she’s somewhere in this house,” he told Jason as he clutched the other baby tight to his chest.
Jason didn’t feel any better, though. He definitely didn’t feel re-fucking-assured! That was for damn sure.
“I mean if we don’t find her, will it even be that big of a problem?” Dan questioned as he lifted the bookshelf. “They have two kids, they’ll still have Elea!”
“They’re going to want both of their kids, Dan,” Jason said hysterically when he suddenly heard an ear-piercing wail sound from the bathroom. He slumped in relief and ran in to find Eleni sitting in the toilet. Jason grimaced as he carefully picked her up and walked towards the bath. Well, he guessed it was time for their fucking baths now.
“Dan! I have her! Bring Elea in here so I can give them their baths,” he called as he set Eleni in her little baby tub and turned on the faucet. “You gave Uncle Jason such a bad heart attack,” he said, tickling the little girl as he took off her onesie and Dan came in with the other twin. Jason had never felt so fucking tired in his entire life. He was ready for Dick and Danny to come home and take the longest nap of his life.
Dan handed him a naked baby and he set her beside her sister before he turned back to his boyfriend. “Can you get their bottles made? I’m gonna give them their baths and then they’re just gonna stay in our arms for the rest of the fucking night.”
“I guess,” he grumbled and stomped out of the bathroom, flipping his hair as he did. Jason rolled his eyes, what a fucking drama queen. He didn’t understand why the fuck he loved that bozo. He shook his head and set to work getting the girls nice and clean before calling for Dan to bring them clothes.
“Will these work?” He asked, holding up two adult-sized t-shirts. Jason pinched the bridge of his nose. Was Dan really this stupid? Had he truly decided to date someone with the brain of a fucking pea? How had this happened to him?
He was Jason Fucking Todd.
He had options! And yet he chose this goddamn nimrod of a ghost who had no idea what common sense was.
“No, Dan, those will not work. Can I trust you to watch them while I go and get their onesies that they can actually wear?”
Dan scowled but nodded his head nonetheless and took a seat on the toilet after closing the lid. Jason marched into the girl’s room and grabbed the first two onesies he found along with new diapers for hte both of them.
He walked back in as Dan had pulled out the first baby and started drying her off. “Give her to me,” Jason ordered before putting the girl in a diaper, and jesus christ, of course, it was a fucking Red Robin onesie. He rolled his eyes and dressed the girl before swapping with Dan, taking Eleni from the ghost. He slipped her in the Phantasma onesie and the two made their way out of the bathroom and back into the living room where two bottles were already waiting. The couple fell on the couch and Jason rested his head on Dan’s shoulder as he let out a breath.
“Never again,” he said between a yawn. “We’re never babysitting again.”
“I dunno, I’m having fun,” Dan said, wrapping his arm around Jason’s shoulders before he gave the man a soft kiss. “It’s kinda cute watching you dote over the twins.”
“Dan stop, we’re not having kids,” Jason said, closing his eyes.
“Oh fuck no, we’re never having kids. But I like the uncle shit, this is fun. And I bet when the twins get older, they’ll be even more fun!” Dan said, rubbing Jason’s shoulder softly. Jason just let out a hum and held Elea to his chest as he let out a soft snore.
Dan chuckled and held the three close as he kicked his feet up on the coffee table and let his own eyes close shut.
Three hours later
Danny opened up a portal and the couple stepped through to probably the cutest thing Dick had ever seen in his life. Dan laid sprawled on the floor with Dick’s tank of a brother curled up in his arms and their precious little girls cuddled in between the two of them.
“Take a picture, oh my ancients, take a picture right now,” Danny whispered, slapping his husband's arm as Dick fumbled for his cellphone.
He quickly snapped a million pictures before he stepped over and looked down at the two grown men cuddling with their babies and let out a coo.
“Should we wake them up?” He whispered, leaning down to grab Eleni and Elea, handing one off to Danny.
“No, let them sleep. Bet they learned just how exhausting babies are,” Danny said with a chuckle before the couple walked off to their bedroom.
“Hey, have you checked your phone recently?” Dick asked, frowning as he looked at all the missed calls and texts from both Jason and Dan he had on his phone.
Danny shook his head. “No, not yet. We probably have some missed calls since we didn’t have any service for so long,” he said, closing the bedroom door behind him.
Dick pressed on one of the voicemails from Dan and nearly lost his hearing before he put it on speaker. “YOU NEVER SAID THAT THEY HAD POWERS! Fuck Eleni just nearly caught your couch on fire, or was that Elea! I don’t know who’s who anymore,” he said hysterically. “Please come home.”
The man frowned and clicked on another from Jason. “We lost Eleni! But it’s going to be okay, we’ll find her- Dan I already told you they’re going to notice if one of the twins are missing! Look, if you get home before we find her, it’s fine, we’ll find her. Just stay calm.”
Danny looked at his daughter and frowned. “You have powers?” He asked before he turned into his ghost form and put a hand through Elea’s chest. Dick stared in horror as he pulled out a small ball from her chest. “An electric core, Elea? Really? You did this to spite Daddy, didn’t you?” He said with a tsk before he put her core back and took Eleni before he checked hers to find a fire core. “Betrayed by my own daughters.”
“How do they have powers?” Dick asked, staring at his girls in horror.
“I mean, Sam was the surrogate, it makes sense. She’s already pretty liminal combine that with my being a halfa and there you go, little ghosty babies, I guess,” Danny said with a shrug as he looked at them with mild curiosity.
“Makes sense I suppose,” Dick said before he yawned. “I’m exhausted, you ready to go to bed?”
Danny nodded before he set the girls in their bassinets on his side of the bed. He frowned and made a shield around them–just in case they did try to escape. Looks like things were going to be a lot more fun around here.