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Dear Chi-yeol,
It’s been such a long time since I’ve written one of these. Although I know it’ll never reach you, it’s a good way for me to process some of the emotions I’ve been feeling as of late. I’d love to be able to confide in you, and maybe someday I will, but for now, these letters will suffice.
I’m not really sure where to start other than by pointing out the obvious: You’ve changed.
Ever since Hae-e revealed the truth about her family, you’ve had a pleasant and soft aura surrounding you. It’s nice in retrospect, but I don’t like it. Even worse, I don’t like that I don’t like it.
I should be happy for you, and I was at the beginning.
You were finally growing your social circle, eating, and looking overall happier. Hell, you even managed to get a girlfriend! I thought I’d never see the day. It was like my prayers were finally being answered.
But, as the old saying goes, be careful what you wish for.
Like a slow infestation, Haeng-seon soon began to consume you and your senses, inserting herself in every aspect of your life. Suddenly, things you were so sure of became afterthoughts. The stubborn and level-headed star teacher I knew was now changing his mind over trivialities, all because of her.
And that, now that made my skin crawl.
There’s a part of me that wonders if I’m just jealous. She’s able to influence you in ways I never could. First, it started out small like when you picked water over your usual coffee. It irritated me more than I’d like to admit. In fact, I’ll be the first to say my feelings in that situation were petty.
However, staying with The Pride after everything they’ve done to you? After you declared how much you hated their corruption and quit? That’s something I can’t excuse. You didn’t even tell me about your sudden brash decision and it hurt. But, more than anything, I was disgusted.
Not by you, but by her.
It was then that I knew she was becoming a problem. She was now clouding your once perfect judgment and it filled me with rage. I’m starting to see why she’s so disliked by the All Care moms… Although, the more I think of it, it’s really their fault all of this happened in the first place. But I digress.
Haeng-seon managed to change our dynamic, and now I’m left in the dark.
Yes… I believe this is why I’m so frustrated. You were much easier to manage when it was just the two of us. Back when I was your closest and only confidant. My, how I miss those days.
I always thought all your enemies would be hateful and obsessive scumbags, people that the world was better off without. Now I see that isn’t the case. The most impactful enemies are always ones you never suspect, ones that are closest to you. They sabotage and take control without you even noticing. Truly despicable.
Please understand how hard it is for me to watch this happen. It’s not like I can just erase her from the equation either. You’d go back to being depressed or worse. The fragility of your mental state is something I’ve always been worried about.
Besides, I know what it’s like to have family suddenly stripped away from you. I would hate to put you through that, but I won’t shy away from it either if it becomes the best option for you in the long run. Call it what you want, it’s tough love.
Nevertheless, I’m still debating on whether I should do something about this or not. I’m feeling conflicted. On top of that, I have to lay low. I’ve been… running into some trouble lately. Too many close encounters. Too little time.
Chi-yeol. I’m feeling restless. I don’t know what to do. My hands are shaking as I write this and I feel like everything I’ve been building is falling apart. It’s just like when my sister died and-
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Okay, I’m back! I needed a moment to collect my thoughts. I wasn’t expecting to get so upset. Apologies.
Anyways, remember when you told me you had two saviors? I won’t lie - it sort of stung to not be regarded as one. We’ve been through so much together after all. Regardless, I was reminded of my duty to you. To protect you from the cruelness that comes from being famous and helping others.
That is what I must do. No matter how lost I feel, that is my purpose. To protect a kind soul from reality. You deserve as much. I just hope one day you’ll understand where I’m coming from. Even while writing this I am reminded of your kindness, especially since I’m using the pen you gave my sister.
Every time I think of straying, it reminds me of the past. Of what must be done.
Thank you Chi-yeol, and I’m sorry for what's about to happen.
From your secret savior,
Jeong Seong-hyeon