Chapter Text
Alhaitham stood in the hallway for a long moment after closing Kaveh’s door behind him, thoughts spinning. His fingers were warm, his palms sweaty and he didn’t understand.
A hug? That’s what Kaveh needed?
Or… no, no, not the hug, specifically, but something physical. Contact? Alhaitham didn’t particularly care for touch, but just now, in there, with Kaveh, it hadn’t had the same skin-crawling reaction that it might have on anyone else.
It was... comfortable. Kaveh was comfortable.
So that was... fine.
But that didn’t seem to quite fit the whole picture, either. Surely, it wasn’t that simple.
Alhaitham took a deep breath and let it out very slowly, reaching up to press his fingers to his eyes in frustration. He hadn’t been lying, earlier. Much in this world made sense to him but Kaveh wasn’t – and had never been – one of those things.
He dropped his arms and headed for the kitchen, thinking of making himself some tea. It was still early, after all. He put the water on to boil and stood there, watching it and thinking.
He could still remember the crystalline moment when he’d first met Kaveh. He’d been sitting in the House of Daena, frowning down at one of his books when a movement across the table had drawn his attention.
He hadn’t even heard the first few words that Kaveh had spoken to him, back then – partly because he’d been wearing his noise-canceling earpieces, but also in part because Kaveh was simply the most beautiful person Alhaitham had ever seen and it had taken Alhaitham a moment to bring his brain back online.
The kettle began to whistle and Alhaitham grabbed it from the heat before it could truly begin to shriek, sparing a thought for Kaveh no doubt asleep by now back in his bedroom.
He prepared a cup of tea, mulling over what to do next.
He had to admit, he was at a bit of a loss.
Alhaitham sat down on the sofa, the cup of tea hot against his skin and picked up the book off the side table. He opened it, then after only a few lines shut it again, looking down at the black lettering on the cover.
His tea was too hot; it burned his tongue when he took a sip and he winced, putting it down on the side table.
The clock on the wall continued to tick the seconds, the sound of the hands loud in the otherwise silent room.
Was Kaveh asleep?
He must be at this point.
Alhaitham stood up, putting the book aside and abandoning his cup of tea to make his way down the hallway. He hesitated in front of Kaveh’s room, listening for any sounds of movement.
When none emerged, he carefully turned the knob, easing the door open soundlessly.
Kaveh was indeed asleep, curled on his side with his lips parted, a crease between his brows.
Alhaitham watched him for a long moment, memorizing the way that his hair tumbled down onto his cheek, the soft lift of his chest as he breathed.
He felt itchy, skin hot and tight across his body, like he didn’t quite fit in it properly. He licked his lips, flexing his fingers at his sides, but it did no good.
He stepped into Kaveh’s bedroom, keeping a close watch on him in case he was startled awake – but no, Kaveh slept on, blissfully unaware that Alhaitham was—
What precisely was Alhaitham doing here?
He crossed the room and stood over Kaveh’s bed for a long moment, looking down at him.
Carefully, he reached out and brushed the few strands of soft, pale hair back off Kaveh’s face.
Then he stepped back, quick and sharp, clenching his hand to a fist.
What was he doing?
He left the room, closing the door behind him quickly and quietly, and made his way back into the front room.
The tea on the side table had gone cold and the itch in his fingers had not gone away. He stood there for a moment in the center of the room, skin buzzing and heart thumping against his breastbone.
Alright.
A quick glance out the window showed the sun still low in the sky, bleeding orange and pinks in shoots of bright color splashed through the blue. Alhaitham grabbed his key from the hook, eyeing Kaveh’s where it swung beside it, and slipped outside.
A walk to clear his head – someplace to think that wasn’t inside the house they’d built together.
He paused, surprised at the way that last thought had crystallized so suddenly in his head.
Sure, they’d built the house as part of that last project they’d worked together, but Alhaitham had never considered it anything other than simply the place he lived. Had Kaveh moving in and settling himself so seamlessly into his life changed his perception of even his own house?
Well, it was technically Kaveh’s house as well. Or did the simple act of charging Kaveh rent to live there make his influence in the creation of the house itself a thing of the past?
An interesting academic problem, to be certain.
“Alhaitham?”
He looked up, shaken from his thoughts by the now-familiar voice of Paimon, calling out to him from just up the path. Aether stood beside her, a half-smile of greeting on his face.
“Traveler,” he said, turning to face them properly. “Paimon. Hello. I did not realize you two were still in Sumeru.”
“Mmhm! For now, at least. There’s still a few things we want to check out! And a few dishes Paimon hasn’t tried,” Paimon said cheerfully, bobbing in mid-air. Aether shrugged.
“We’ll move on in a bit,” he said. “For now… I feel that there is still more to see in Sumeru.” He put a hand to his chest, just over his heart, and Alhaitham frowned.
How desperately sentimental. And yet, perhaps Aether was the perfect person to speak to about his recent experiences.
“Actually, Aether, I’m glad I ran into you. Do you have a few moments? Perhaps we could share a meal. There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”
Paimon’s eyes lit up. “A meal? Oo! Being treated by the Acting Grand Sage himself! Paimon’s stomach is already rumbling.”
Alhaitham rolled his eyes. Technically he had already submitted his resignation for the position, but since they still hadn’t found a replacement, he found himself continuing to straddle his duties as Scribe and Acting Grand Sage, much to his immense irritation.
Aether tilted his head. “Sure,” he said. “Lead the way.”
Lambad’s, Alhaitham decided. “Follow me.”
The tavern interior was dim and warm, the air spiced with the murmur of the patrons and the scent of the meat simmering away behind the counter. Alhaitham led Aether and Paimon to a secluded booth in the back, giving Lambad a nod in greeting. Lambad lifted a hand.
“Alhaitham! Welcome in, welcome in. One moment, alright?”
Paimon raised her eyebrows, fluttering just above her seat. “Wow, so you’re friends with the owner! Maybe we can get a secret, under-the-counter treat!”
“What exactly is an under-the-counter treat?” Alhaitham asked as Aether picked up a menu.
“You know! Like when you’re friends with the cook, he might make you something off the menu? Something special? Oo, something with lots of spice...” Paimon’s expression went glassy and Aether shot Alhaitham an amused look, inviting him in on the joke.
Alhaitham was not precisely sure what the joke was, exactly, but he was willing to shrug it off. He had more important goals here than determining whatever it was that Paimon was talking about.
“Alright, apologies for the wait,” Lambad said, approaching the table. He wiped his hands on a towel slung over his shoulder, digging in his apron for a pen. “Oh? Not here with Master Kaveh today?”
Alhaitham frowned. Why would that be surprising? They spent plenty of time apart. “He is under the weather, I’m afraid.”
Lambad clicked his tongue. “That’s too bad. Give him my best, won’t you? Oh, in fact—” He made a quick note on his pad. “Stop by the counter before you leave, I’ll pack up some soup to go for him.”
“Not necessary,” Alhaitham said, leaning back and folding his arms. “It’s his own fault he got sick. He’ll be fine in a few days.”
Lambad chuckled. “Not necessary, sure, but everyone likes a hot bowl of soup when they’re sick, don’t they? Now. What can I getcha?”
He took their orders quickly, jabbing his pen behind his ear and whistling as he headed back behind the counter. Alhaitham watched him go, positive that he would make up a container of soup despite Alhaitham’s protests to the contrary. And… well, he had to admit, it would no doubt make Kaveh smile. Probably that surprised little half-smile that he would get whenever he was surprised by a gift.
“—tham?”
“Hm?” Alhaitham looked back at Aether and Paimon. Paimon frowned.
“I said, does Kaveh feel very bad?”
“No doubt,” Alhaitham said with a sigh. “The idiot. He has the same thing I had last week.”
“He caught it from you?” Aether asked and Alhaitham frowned. The same creeping oddness was crawling through his ribs again, clenching in the hollow of his chest.
“Yes. I told him to stay out of the house while it ran its course but he insisted on making me a meal and administering medicine and look where it got him.”
“Aww,” Paimon said. “That’s so sweet.”
Aether smiled. “I’m sure that helped you feel better.”
Alhaitham opened his mouth, then shut it abruptly. He… hadn’t considered that, too annoyed at Kaveh’s insistence on being in his space when he felt so exhausted. But the medicine Kaveh had gone to get him had helped and the soup had been good, precisely what he’d been craving at that moment, warm and comforting and filling. Even that tiny, satisfied smile on Kaveh’s face when he’d lifted his spoon to his lips had lifted his spirits.
Rather significantly too.
“You’re smiling,” Aether said quietly and Alhaitham raised a hand to touch his lips.
Paimon looked between them, confused. “Wait,” she said, holding up her hands. “I thought Kaveh said you two used to be best friends but weren’t anymore?”
And that—
Oh. That… that hurt, oddly.
Alhaitham opened his mouth, then shut it. Aether tilted his head.
“Paimon, would you mind going up to order me some coffee?” he asked lightly. “I forgot to ask for it just now.”
“Psh, so forgetful!” Paimon chirped. She shook her head, hands on her hips. “What would you do without Paimon, honestly? Be right back. Don’t have too much fun without Paimon!”
She flew away, across the tavern and Alhaitham watched her go before returning his gaze to Aether, who was watching him with his eyebrows raised.
Alhaitham decided to dispense with the pleasantries. “Traveler, I don’t understand why Kaveh did that.”
“Why he stayed with you while you were sick?” Aether clarified and Alhaitham nodded.
“The consequences of his actions were very clear, even before he ended up getting sick. And then—” He broke off, pondering his words. “Afterwards, I… made an attempt to, ah, even the score, shall we say, and nothing I did seemed to be… the right thing.”
Aether looked thoughtful. “So your question is what your next move should be?”
Alhaitham spread his hands on the tabletop, looking down at the backs of his hands. “I thought that our life together were as enjoyable to Kaveh as it was to me,” he said, blunt in his frustration. “But I am starting to think that Kaveh requires… something I have not been giving him. That he may be unhappy.”
Aether considered this for a long moment, thinking it over carefully. “Let me ask you a question,” he said finally. “What is Kaveh to you?”
Alhaitham frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Is he your best friend? An acquaintance that you happen to live with? A colleague? An old classmate?” Aether hesitated. “Is he someone you’re interested in romantically?”
Alhaitham scoffed. “I gave up on the idea of Kaveh as a romantic partner a long time ago,” he said. Aether’s eyebrows lifted. That had clearly not been the answer he’d expected.
“Because it was not what you wanted?”
“Because...”
How to explain it to Aether?
That Kaveh was emotional, argumentative, dream-like and passionate and bright and wild – Alhaitham had been content to orbit around him, watching him from over the top of his books and prodding at his beliefs with just enough sarcasm to get his gaze to turn his way and cause those bright spots of color to bloom in his cheeks.
Kaveh would throw his hands up during an argument, nearly laughing, incredulous, eyes gleaming with that never-ending idealism and Alhaitham would volley back a rebuttal and determinedly not think about what it might be like to catch some of that furious passion and swallow it up with a kiss.
“No,” he said finally. “Not because of that.”
Aether nodded. “That’s surprising,” he said.
“How so?”
“I did not expect you to be the kind of person who put much stock in romantic relationships,” he said with a shrug. Alhaitham frowned.
“I am still human, Aether,” he said. “I do in fact still feel emotion.”
How disappointing. Alhaitham had thought that perhaps the Traveler might see things in a different light. But perhaps he’d been wrong and this was a waste of time after all.
“That’s not what I meant at all,” Aether said. He folded his hands on the table top, studying his knuckles. “Plenty of people with plenty of emotion don’t connect romantically with others, you know. It wouldn’t have made you any less human or your relationships with others any less important – it would have simply framed your relationships in a different light.”
“It seems to me,” Aether continued while Alhaitham absorbed that, “that you and Kaveh have different understandings of your current relationship. Take any romantic emotion out of the equation for a moment. Would you consider Kaveh your friend?”
“Yes,” Alhaitham said. Even when they’d fought that last blistering argument at the end of their fateful academic project, Alhaitham had never considered that they might not be friends.
“And yet, Kaveh doesn’t seem to agree.”
Alhaitham folded his arms. “That’s because Kaveh refuses to separate his emotions from the situation. We had an argument, in the past and for some reason, he seems to think that that erases any friendship that we might have shared before. That it’s been ruined in some way.” A familiar frustration began to bubble up in his stomach, the same frustration he often felt when Kaveh behaved in a way he didn’t understand. “Yet, if he would just consider it logically, he might see that I—”
Aether waited, but when Alhaitham did not finish his sentence, he prodded, gently. “That you?”
“That I am more comfortable around Kaveh than possibly anyone else in this entire nation,” he said finally.
Perhaps that was where the misunderstanding had blossomed. Perhaps there was more to friendship than that. After all, it wasn’t as though Alhaitham had a wide range of friends to consider as a reference.
Aether nodded. “I can’t give you specific advice,” he said. “I don’t know Master Kaveh all that well, and I definitely don’t know anything about your relationship aside from what you’ve told me. But it sounds like you know Kaveh very well. I have confidence that you’ll figure out how to do it.”
Alhaitham frowned. “How to do what, precisely?”
Aether smiled back at him. “How to show Kaveh that he’s important to you.”
“You mean...” Alhaitham said slowly, “to… what, tell him that I’m interested in him romantically? Pardon me if I sound incredulous.”
Aether shook his head. “Maybe down the road, if you decide you want to take that step. I’m talking about something more important. Right now, Kaveh thinks that he’s nothing but a source of inconvenience and frustration to you, but you’ve admitted yourself that he’s someone you care for a great deal. Whether that’s romantic or platonic doesn't matter right now. What does matter is explaining to Kaveh that he matters to you period.”
Alhaitham sat back in the booth, considering Aether’s words. Was that it? Was that what Alhaitham had been trying to do, all this time?
“I… will consider that,” he said slowly. “Thank you, Traveler. For the conversation.”
Aether grinned at him, then looked over his shoulder. His grin dropped. “Oh, no. Paimon.”
He stood, stepping swiftly around the table as Alhaitham turned to look to where Paimon was struggling to lift a massive mug of hot coffee, her little face pulled tight with exertion. Aether crossed to her quickly, taking the mug in both hands as Paimon sagged in mid-air, raking her arm across her sweaty forehead.
“Phew! Paimon nearly fell three times carrying that over!” she snapped. Alhaitham tuned out the rest of her protests, turning his thoughts instead to Aether’s words as the Traveler soothed his companion.
The more he thought about it, the more he believed that the Traveler was right.
Kaveh was not a subtle man and it had been obvious to Alhaitham that he suffered from an insecurity that was as grating on Alhaitham’s patience as it was ridiculous.
But what he hadn’t considered was that Kaveh had projected that insecurity onto his relationship with Alhaitham. It made sense, if he looked at it from Kaveh’s belief system rather than what Alhaitham knew to be true. It made sense.
The relief, as swift as it had arrived, dissipated into thin air as Alhaitham considered his next steps.
How then, to go about proving Kaveh wrong?
Normally he would just tell Kaveh he was incorrect, crossing his arms and laying out his argument, but… he suspected that that approach would not work in this situation. Words might not be the right thing at all, in this case.
After all, how often did Kaveh grumble and grouch and bitch, his mouth a steady stream of complaints and accusations and groans, even as his hands went gentle, folding a blanket or moving his mug within reach of his hand or shuffling papers together to pass to Alhaitham in a more organized pile? How often did Kaveh’s hands move at total opposition to his mouth?
Perhaps that was it. Perhaps there were things Alhaitham could do to show Kaveh rather than explain it to him outright.
Was there more value in that?
Perhaps. But with that came the risk of his actions being misconstrued. He had, after all, a handful of failures already from just his attempts to do just that in the last few days alone.
In fact, he hadn’t gotten much of anywhere until he’d asked Kaveh outright what he needed.
And then, when Kaveh had stepped in close and he’d had the man in his arms for the first time in a very long time…
Damn it. He was thinking in circles.
“Special delivery!” Lambad crowed, appearing at their table with steaming platters of food.
“Hurrah!” Paimon cheered and Alhaitham forcibly turned his thoughts back to Aether, to the meal they were sharing. He would have plenty of time to dwell on his next steps after they ate.
-
When Alhaitham arrived back home the sun had truly set and the night was beginning to cool down to a proper chill, sending goosebumps prickling across his exposed skin. He hung his key on the hook, bending to slip off his shoes, when from around the corner, he heard Kaveh sneeze.
He frowned, crossing to the front room and peeking around the wall.
Kaveh sat on the couch, legs crossed in a pretzel shape with a blanket around his shoulders. He rested his cheek on one hand, bracing his elbow on his knee, and was flipping the page in the book that rested in his lap. He sniffled, clearing his throat, and went back to reading.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Alhaitham asked and Kaveh jerked upright, yelping a hoarse, rasped cry of alarm.
“Gods, ‘haitham,” groaned Kaveh, sagging back against the couch. “You scared me.”
“You’re awake,” Alhaitham said again and Kaveh gestured miserably around him.
“My head is killing me,” he said. “I couldn’t breathe and it woke me up and then my head was pounding so badly I couldn’t get comfortable.” His eyes fell on the bag in Alhaitham’s hand. “Did you go out for dinner?”
Alhaitham’s fingers tightened on the strap of the bag. “I ran into the Traveler,” he said. “At Lambad’s. When Lambad heard you were sick, he insisted I take some soup for you.”
Kaveh looked surprised, then pleased. “Good old Lambad,” he croaked, before dissolving into a cough. “How did he know I was sick?”
“I told him.”
Kaveh frowned. He opened his mouth, then clearly decided it wasn’t worth asking and instead pushed himself up off the couch. “Well, thank you for bringing it back. Might actually help with the congestion.” He held out his hand for the bag. Alhaitham didn’t move to give it to him.
“Sit back down,” he said. “I’ll heat it up for you.”
Irritation crossed Kaveh’s face. “Why? Think I’m too weak and pathetic to do it myself?”
That… had been the precise opposite reaction Alhaitham was trying to get. Irritation tasted sour on the back of his tongue. “No, you imbecile. Because you clearly don’t feel well and I am more than capable of working our stove top.”
“Oh.” Kaveh looked warily back at him, eyes and nose red from congestion, the blanket still around his shoulders. “Well. Thank you.”
Alhaitham didn’t reply, turning away and disappearing into the kitchen.
He stood for a long moment at the stove, watching the soup slowly heat in the plan as he tried to formulate some kind of plan. He was used to the feeling of frustration after a conversation with Kaveh that didn’t go the way he expected, but this time it was underscored with a fresh sense of dismay.
Kaveh thinks he’s nothing to you but a source of frustration and inconvenience.
He was inconvenient, sometimes. But Alhaitham had always thought it was understood that he didn’t mind being inconvenienced, if it was Kaveh. He never had.
Not if it was Kaveh.
He killed the heat and put the soup in a large clay mug, grabbing a spoon for good measure and moving back into the front room with it.
Kaveh peered at him from where he’d sat back down on the couch, the blanket over his head like a hood.
“Thank you,” he murmured, taking the mug with both hands. He looked down into it for a long moment. “I’m… sorry I snapped at you.”
Alhaitham was, once again, taken aback.
“You don’t have to apologize,” he said. Kaveh bent his head and took a sip of the soup from the mug, ignoring the spoon. The slurp was loud in the quiet sitting room. Alhaitham looked at the book, now abandoned on the cushion beside Kaveh.
He picked it up, looking at the cover. A collection of tales of horror and suspense from Inazuma, it seemed. He flipped it over, studying the back, but there was no further explanation, just an intricate gold design.
He looked at Kaveh, then back at the book. He tapped it against his palm.
“What is it?” Kaveh asked. Alhaitham looked down at him to see Kaveh peering up at him, peeking out from the edge of the blanket, the mug still lifted close to his face.
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve got…” Kaveh gestured at his own face with the end of the spoon, “that thinking face on, that means you’re trying to solve a problem.”
Alhaitham scoffed. “I do not have a problem-solving face.”
Kaveh snorted. “Maybe not to anyone else,” he mumbled, ducking his head back to the soup. Alhaitham looked down at his blanket covered head and felt that familiar prick of warmth bloom in his stomach. He sat down beside Kaveh on the couch, plenty of cushion between them and opened the book.
Kaveh cast him a sideways glance. “I was reading that, you know,” he complained, though there was little heat in it. Alhaitham scanned the page.
“Which one?”
“Hm?”
“Which story were you reading?” he asked, flipping a few pages ahead in the book. Kaveh swallowed another gulp of soup.
“Ah, The Enigma of Amigara Fault,” Kaveh said and Alhaitham flipped to the beginning of the story. He skimmed the first few lines, then cleared his throat.
He only got a few words in before Kaveh put a hand out, curling clammy fingers around his wrist.
“What are you doing?” he asked. Alhaitham arched an eyebrow.
“I would think that’s obvious.”
It made sense, didn’t it? Kaveh was busy eating, plus it was a strain on his eyes to try and read when he had such a painful headache.
But he was staring at Alhaitham, something uncertain on his face that had Alhaitham lowering the book back to his lap. For a long second, they sat there, looking at each other. Then, Kaveh slowly released him, withdrawing his hand and going back to his soup.
“If you want to waste your time, then go ahead,” he muttered, more to the soup than to Alhaitham himself. Alhaitham scoffed.
“When have you ever known me to do something I consider a waste of time?” he asked.
Kaveh didn’t reply, looking fixedly into the soup mug in his hands, and Alhaitham watched in surprise as a dull shoot of color crawled its way up the back of Kaveh’s neck, disappearing in a blotchy patch beneath his soft pale hair.
The urge to reach out his hand and brush his fingers against it, to feel warm, soft skin beneath his fingertips swept Alhaitham suddenly and without warning, intense with the sudden need and he looked away, back down at the pages of the book in his hand.
He thought of Aether’s words again, turning them over in his head the way he’d been doing since they parted ways at the tavern. How to show Kaveh that he mattered to Alhaitham? That Alhaitham considered his presence in his life, in his home, to be something beneficial?
It all came back to his original question. What did Kaveh need?
“You can… start at the beginning,” Kaveh said finally, his voice very quiet. He cleared his throat, voice thick with congestion. “So that way you know the story background too.”
Alhaitham flipped a few pages backwards to the beginning of the story.
Fiction was not Alhaitham’s forte – while he admitted to the clear importance and effects of legend and the oral tradition on language and culture throughout history as well as their contextual importance in understanding runes and artifacts left behind, modern day fiction tended not to hold his interest as well outside of the context of an academic review of the modern day zeitgeist.
But as he read, keeping his voice low and even with Kaveh warm beside him, the story started to take shape behind his eyes. Perhaps a new side effect to dreams returning to the people of Sumeru? Something to consider, the intersection between dreaming and imagination.
He’d just gotten to the climax of the story, describing the breathless claustrophobia of a human body pressing itself into sheer rock when something soft hit his shoulder.
He paused mid-word, looking down at the top of Kaveh’s head.
Kaveh was sleeping, breathing in a faint, congested rasp, hands slack around the empty soup mug.
He hesitated, letting the book rest on his lap, fingers curled around the cover, thumbs against the roughness of the pages.
Kaveh thinks he is nothing but a source of frustration and inconvenience to you.
So if that was the case… why didn’t he simply leave?
Alhaitham felt something rise up in his chest, threatening to choke the breath from the hollow of his throat as he pictured it, coming home back to this house to find it empty, Kaveh’s bedroom cleaned and vacant. Turning to hang his key on the hook and watch it swing there, alone, and knowing it would remain alone because Kaveh was gone and he was not coming back.
He swallowed. The answer was clear, as much as he was loathe to admit it. Kaveh stayed because he had nowhere else to go. If he did have another option, no doubt he would have taken advantage of it long ago.
Alhaitham shut the book, using his index finger to hold their place. Weariness was beginning to settle over him, with the emotional day and the lateness of the hour coming together to make his bones feel heavy, his eyes itch. He closed his eyes and tilted his head, just a bit, so his cheek rested against the top of Kaveh’s head.
Peace stole over him and he breathed out, long and slow and steady.
By the time he drew another breath, Alhaitham was asleep.
-
The morning light woke him, creeping its way across his face and momentarily blinding him as he opened his eyes, squinting at the window.
Alhaitham’s arm was asleep, numb and heavy beneath the weight of Kaveh’s body.
He looked down, realizing that somehow they’d shifted, sliding down the couch in the night until they were horizontal. Alhaitham was lying on his back, head against the arm of the couch, neck stiff from the awkward angle. The book had fallen on the floor facedown, its pages crumpled, and the empty mug lay just beyond it beneath the table.
Kaveh was half on top of him, face smashed into Alhaitham’s side, arm hooked around his waist. His hair was a disaster and Alhaitham could see from his position that he’d drooled onto Alhaitham’s shirt.
It had easily been the best night of sleep that Alhaitham had had in recent memory.
He very calmly packed that thought away to examine closer some other time and returned his gaze to the window.
The stacks of work on his desk had no doubt doubled since he’d left early the previous day. It would be quite a long morning of picking through them playing catch up.
Should he wait to have a conversation with Kaveh?
Or… no, no, he should sleep more. Kaveh would be grumpy and unreasonable if he was woken early. Tighnari had once mentioned to him that—
Tighnari.
Of course.
He could talk to Tighnari.
He looked back down at the top of Kaveh’s head. Odds of sliding out without waking him were perhaps fifty-fifty. He shifted his legs, then his hips, carefully wedging himself out from beneath Kaveh. He slid his hand beneath his head, catching him and lowering him back down to the couch cushion as he stood up. Alhaitham shook his arm out, tingles rushing up to his shoulder as the blood began to flow properly again before rescuing the book from under the table.
He paused in the doorway, book in his hand, and indulged himself in a look back at Kaveh, now burrowed into the impression in the couch cushions that Alhaitham’s body had left behind. The top of his blonde head poked out from above the blankets and Alhaitham nodded, once, decision made.
He would pick this problem down to its core and he would solve it.
-
It took him the better part of the day to make his way to Gandharva Ville. Not in particular because of any trouble along the way – more because he took his time, turning his words over in his head, words that seemed to continually slide away every time his mind returned to the memory of Kaveh’s warm body curled against his that morning.
Alhaitham could count the number of people that touched him on one hand and the number of people he actually wanted in his personal space was even fewer than that. But with all the introspection of the past few days, he was starting to suspect that Kaveh had occupied a category all his own without Alhaitham even really realizing it for a long while now.
The afternoon heat was at its peak when Alhaitham crossed the border into Gandharva Ville proper. The whispers from the rangers preceded him and by the time he stepped up the boardwalk, Tighnari and Collei were waiting for him.
“Scribe Alhaitham,” Tighnari said in greeting. He had one hand on his hip, eyebrow arched in a way that told Alhaitham that Tighnari was not quite sure what he was doing here. Perhaps an unannounced visit from the Scribe – or the Acting Grand Sage, whatever they wanted to consider his title – was still something unnerving for them.
“Tighnari,” he said. He looked back past him. “Hello, Collei. You’re looking much improved.”
Collei went bright scarlet at the direct address and Alhaitham watched as she lifted both hands, palms out. “Ah, y-yes! Thank you, Scribe Alha— I mean, Acting Grand Sage Alhaitham!”
“Alhaitham is fine,” Alhaitham said, already exhausted by the conversation. She squeaked out a surprised little noise and he returned his attention to Tighnari, who looked mildly amused.
“We’ve been busy out here lately,” he said. “What can I do for you today?”
Alhaitham crossed his arms. “I actually came to talk to you. Off the record, so to speak.”
“Not Akademiya business?” Tighnari was surprised and Alhaitham shook his head.
“Not even remotely.”
“Well.” Tighnari paused for a moment, then gestured behind him. “Perhaps you’d best come inside.”
Alhaitham followed him inside, pretending not to notice as Collei scampered away down the path, tossing a curious look over her shoulder as she disappeared. Tighnari watched him for a long moment, arms crossed over his chest.
“You’re lucky you caught me,” he said. “I was just heading out and I plan to be gone for a few days, at least.”
“Where are you going?” Alhaitham let his eyes wander over the room, taking in the sunshade at the window, the flowers and herbs drying on the line that stretched from wall to wall. On the desk a deck of Genius Invokation TCG cards sat outside their box, stacked neatly next to the play mat.
“Just a routine inspection of some of the outskirts of the forest. Since Aether has been in Sumeru, he’s been keeping a lot of the Withering Zones at bay, but that doesn’t mean that I can stand to lose any of my vigilance. We’re not out of the woods yet, so to speak.”
Alhaitham looked up, just in time to catch a funny look disappearing off of Tighnari’s face.
“You’ve picked up jokes from Cyno, then,” he said and Tighnari groaned.
“Ugh. Don’t remind me,” he said, but the tiny smile on his face belied his words. Alhaitham looked back at the cards, the well-worn box and the play mat and thought about the way Cyno’s entire disposition had softened back in Aaru Village when Aether had mentioned Tighnari’s name, melting away in the warm desert sunlight.
“How do you show Cyno he’s important to you?” Alhaitham asked and Tighnari choked, clearly startled.
“How do I— why would you possibly want to know—”
He paused, expression going thoughtful, and this was somehow worse than Alhaitham had anticipated. He had expected it to be uncomfortable, this conversation, but he’d clearly misjudged just how much as one of the only scholars he had any respect for put the puzzle pieces together right before his eyes.
Alhaitham crossed his arms, irritated with himself, and Tighnari smiled.
“How interesting,” he said. “I take it that Kaveh made you that soup after all.”
“He did. Thank you for the herbs. They were most helpful.”
“Of course.” Tighnari studied him for a long moment, then turned away. “Tea? Or I have fresh juice.” He didn’t wait for an answer, pouring Alhaitham a glass of juice he did not particularly want and pressing it into his hand. Then he sat down and gestured for Alhaitham to sit across from him.
“What’s this all about, Alhaitham?” he asked, not unkindly. “I have to admit, I never thought you’d seek me out for personal advice. Even after Kaveh brought you to game night – he told us to be nice, by the way.”
That surprised Alhaitham. “Why would he do that?”
Tighnari shrugged. “He said you didn’t typically agree to join him for things like that. Called you an anti-social shut in, though he did it with far more affection than I think he intended.”
Alhaitham frowned. “That’s unnecessary. I don’t care what you think.”
Tighnari laughed. “Well, you must care at least somewhat about my thoughts. Otherwise, why would you have come all this way?”
He had a point.
“I… suppose I enjoyed myself more than I expected,” he said and Tighnari leaned back in his chair, folding his arms. His ears twitched.
“I’ll admit, it can get a bit chaotic when Kaveh has been in the wine and Cyno has finally gotten a captive audience.” He looked at Alhaitham steadily. “Though Cyno said that the two of you were getting along better after everything was said and done.”
“Kaveh and I are the same as always,” Alhaitham said, which was perhaps a bit of a fabrication considering the entire reason he was here. Tighnari grinned, sudden and quick.
“I meant you and Cyno, Alhaitham. Perhaps we should talk about Kaveh, since he seems to be occupying much of your thoughts?”
Alhaitham reached for the juice in front of him, taking a sip and a moment to organize his thoughts. There was no point, he supposed, in lying to Tighnari or in playing coy, considering he had come here with an express intent to ask him his advice.
He put the glass back on the table.
“Kaveh has been sick as well,” he said, trying to summarize everything he’d been considering as succinctly as possible. “And when I tried to explain why he’d been foolish, he seemed upset and frustrated with me.”
“I can’t imagine why,” Tighnari murmured. Alhaitham ignored him, crossing his arms.
“Kaveh thinks that he is an inconvenience in my life.”
“Is he not?” Tighnari sounded genuinely surprised and that startled Alhaitham. He curled his fingers around his own arm, squeezing the flesh tightly.
“I would have never offered up our living situation as an option if I considered it a negative impact on my life,” he replied.
“That’s interesting,” Tighnari said mildly. “If I had had to guess, I would have said that you were merely tolerating his presence out of respect to your former friendship.”
“Former,” Alhaitham repeated, voice flat. Tighnari’s expression cleared with understanding.
“Ah,” he said quietly. “I think I see.” He laughed, soft, and shook his head. “Even the smartest minds of our generation are subject to miscommunication. How amusing.”
“Forgive me if I disagree with what you seem to find amusing,” Alhaitham muttered. He dropped his arms, reaching again for the juice, though he didn’t lift it off the table. Instead he studied the glass, thinking. “You and Cyno are very different people,” he said and Tighnari cleared his throat. A streak of color was crawling its way up his throat.
“Yes, but— well, surely you can’t think to compare my, ah, relationship with Cyno with you and Kaveh.”
“Why not?” Alhaitham asked. Tighnari spread his hands.
“I’m romantically involved with Cyno,” he said, a tiny smile crossing his face as he spoke. “It’s a bit different than your situation with Kaveh.” Alhaitham didn’t reply, fixing Tighnari with a look as he waited. After a moment, Tighnari’s eyes went wide.
“Oh,” he said. Alhaitham shrugged.
“It doesn't matter at this point,” he said. “I am not deluding myself. I merely—”
“No, no, I understand. You merely want to show Kaveh that you consider his presence in your life a good thing and that you’d like it to continue,” Tighnari finished. He studied Alhaitham for a second. “Well, I don’t know that I can help you with that, Alhaitham. You know Kaveh the best out of any of us – the person to answer that question ought to be you.”
Alhaitham frowned. “Do you think I would be here if I had that answer?”
Tighnari shrugged. “It may sound counter-intuitive, but the only people who can work this out are you and Kaveh.”
“He is your friend too,” Alhaitham said, exasperated, and Tighnari tilted his head, a strange smile flickering across his face. Alhaitham frowned. “What?”
“Sorry, I just— I don’t think I’ve ever heard you refer to Kaveh as your friend before.”
Frustration began to boil over in Alhaitham’s chest, rising up to claw at his throat. “Just because I don't say it out loud doesn’t mean it’s not true,” he said. “It should be obvious to anyone paying attention, and it is not my fault or my responsibility to educate others on a relationship that has nothing to do with them.”
Tighnari held up a hand, placating. “That’s true,” he said. “But you’re not trying to educate the random people of Sumeru City. You’re trying to clarify a misunderstanding with Kaveh. Listen, there’s plenty of ways to express to people how you care for them. For some people, it’s all in the words, right? For others, actions speak far louder than words. I always assumed the way you and Kaveh showed your affection was all the ceaseless arguing.”
Alhaitham opened his mouth, then shut it. “I… do consider that enjoyable,” he said and Tighnari shrugged.
“Kaveh does as well, clearly, or else he wouldn’t participate in it as often as he does. It’s clear you both enjoy a rigorous debate.”
“So if he does as well—” Alhaitham began, but Tighnari interrupted him.
“He does nothing else that might show you he cares for you?”
A memory struck Alhaitham – Kaveh, berating him for leaving his shoes a mess, even as he straightened them up in the entryway. Kaveh, plunking a hot cup of tea at his hand while he read on the sofa, even as he complained the entire way back to the kitchen about the state of their drinks cupboard.
“He… does things for me,” he said slowly.
But— that wasn’t everything, either.
There were the offhanded comments from Kaveh – questions about his day, his health, his projects, his work – asked casually, over his shoulder or with a furrowed brow and a frown, arms crossed, leaning in the open doorways to his bedroom or the front room.
A touch to his forehead, checking temperature.
Alhaitham swallowed. Tighnari gave him a small smile.
“You know,” he said, voice soft, “when Cyno has had a rough day, sometimes he comes all the way back here and just… sits. He’ll sit there, in that chair over there, and sort his cards or have some tea or just watch the birds go by on the branches outside.”
His voice was warm, so filled with affection that Alhaitham shifted, uncomfortable even listening to it.
“What’s your point?”
“My point,” Tighnari said, “is that perhaps all Kaveh has wanted from you this whole time is just that.”
“Silence?”
“Time.”
“Time?”
“Time, together. For you to choose him, on purpose.” Tighnari shrugged. “I imagine it would get disheartening, to think your roommate and friend doesn’t care if you’re home or away, if you’re in the room or not.”
Alhaitham sat back, the words settling heavy in the center of his chest as Tighnari picked up his own drink and took a sip.
“Much of this conversation has been a surprise to me,” he said. “I’m not an expert in your relationship and even when we were in school, your friendship was largely a mystery to me.”
But then he smiled, conspiratorial, over the rim of his glass.
“But Alhaitham – just this, you being here? I think it’s a step in the direction you want to move. If that brings you any comfort.”
Alhaitham wet his lips. “I did not come here for comfort,” he said. Then he hesitated. “But… thank you, Tighnari. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
Tighnari nodded. “Well, I’m glad for that at least.” He put his glass down on the table. “Now. Care to stay for dinner? I have extra place settings.”
Alhaitham shook his head. “Thank you, but I should get back. I have things I should do tonight.”
Tighnari stood up with a sigh. “Somehow, I thought that may be the case. Travel safely, Alhaitham. And good luck, though I don’t think you’ll need it. Judging by the look on your face, you’ve already some idea of how you want to proceed.”
“I do.” Alhaitham stood up. “Take care, Tighnari.”
Tighnari lifted a hand in farewell, grabbing Alhaitham’s mostly full juice glass off the table. “Take care. And when you do see him, mention to Kaveh that the plans he forwarded along are great, won’t you? They’ll suit my project just fine.”
Alhaitham imagined the look on Kaveh’s face if he were to tell him that Tighnari described his work as “just fine” and had to bite back a smirk at the thought.
“And Alhaitham?”
He glanced back at Tighnari, his hand on the doorframe. Tighnari looked back at him steadily.
“Don’t be a stranger. You’re welcome here, you know.”
Alhaitham frowned slightly, confused. He didn’t particularly care if he was welcome or not – if he needed something for Akademiya business, he’d have to make the trip regardless of Tighnari’s personal feelings.
But then he thought about the juice and the conversation and the delighted, if nervous way Collei had stuttered out his name and he found himself nodding, once, in thanks before he turned away and stepped back out into the fading sunshine.