Chapter Text
They kept their promises.
As the weeks grew into months, they stayed as each other’s safe spaces, stayed home to the other, and stayed each other’s.
Even when they bickered and fought, they were careful with each other. Both of them knew that life was far too cruel and fragile to be careless with something that meant this much.
Sirius found out that the people who love you don’t need conditions to keep loving you.
It turned out, that when he was honest about who he was and who he loved, his friends took it in their stride – because it didn’t change who he was, it was just that he was finally coming around to those details that they’d always loved him for.
James and Pete occasionally made the odd well-timed joke about the closet in the corner, but never humiliated or directed any hatred his way. His parents were wrong - no one that meant a damn in his life thought he was repulsive or ended up abandoning him. James and Pete stayed constant.
Lily remained Lily – always seeing right through him and offering well-timed but gentle advice when it was needed, and otherwise punctuating every one of their interactions with an eye roll and a grudging laugh at his and the other Marauders’ antics. And Marlene was still Marlene – or more accurately, Marlene and Dorcas were still Marlene and Dorcas, because shortly after Sirius and Remus made their friends aware that they’d made it official ( a week or so after they made the decision for themselves), so did Marlene and Dorcas.
And Mary – well, she and Sirius were tentative around each other for a while, but they soon relaxed and never lost their affection for each other. It turned out that the best parts of their relationship still existed now that they were out of it – their fun and humor never having needed the romantic setting to blossom in the first place. It also helped that Mary and Remus were fast friends.
A month or so down the line, Mary began to date people in earnest again treating them all to hilarious re-enactments of her less successful dates. About a month after that, sparks began to fly between Peter and Mary when they went out for Mary’s birthday as a group, and the two of them could be seen on the dance floor making eyes at each other one moment and pressed together the next.
Sirius had watched the two of them on the floor, and then he’d looked up to see Remus watching him anxiously as he’d eyed the couple. Sirius had just smiled in reassurance, winding his arm around Remus’s waist and leaning his head against his shoulder and they had both sighed in contentment.
Reg became a regular part of the group as well, and he and Sirius continued to get get to know each other again, their sarcasm and gallows humor their own private language that hid layers of affection and understanding that each had never known existed before from the other- hidden as it was from the poison of their parents in their childhood. They made an effort to see each other every Thursday for beers and pizza - sometimes at Reg's flat, sometimes over at Lily and James's while Sirius stayed there. Sometimes one of them would stay over and the next morning the two of them could be found watching early morning cartoons over cereal and coffee before they went to their respective jobs.
And then there was Remus. Who surprised Sirius every time thought he had the man nailed down. Every time Sirius thought he’d pushed something too far or been too much, Remus would turn around and take it, holding whatever Sirius had given him like some priceless treasure he was lucky enough to keep safe.
When Sirius still struggled with feeling like he was out of control and fizzing over the edge of the proverbial glass, Remus was a stabilising influence – not controlling, but providing a safe place to come back to from the chaos. He seemed to have all of the time in the world to understand Sirius and never seemed to tire of talking him down from an emotional ledge, grounding, securing, and softening every blow with his presence.
Remus gained a family he'd never expected to have.
More than that, he learned that when people love you, they show up for you in more ways than the bare minimum. And gladly.
He learned that after the first time that Sirius was away for the weekend a month after they officially started dating, promoting Black Rose Florists at a flower show in Scotland.
Remus got home from a therapy session to find James and Pete in his kitchen, preparing for a boy's night to keep Remus company while he was away.
James and he bonded over high-school antics and the running of the Jargon, and he and Pete over their mutual love of cooking. In turn, all three bonded over their shared love of Sirius and their own growing friendship dynamic.
He learned it during the flare that came at the beginning of September – triggered by the change of season and the Histamine the doctors said – and Mary came over for the night to monitor him because Sirius called in a panic. Remus had forbidden him from calling an ambulance, but he also hadn’t been able to eat for almost 3 days because of the fever and nausea.
And Lily quickly became one of the best friends that Remus had ever had. They had a regular coffee date on Monday afternoons to debrief on the week and each other’s chaotic partners’ antics, and bonded over their love of Greys Anatomy. Sometimes Reg joined them, and the three of them spent hours shooting the breeze and solving the world's problems over various forms of caffeine.
And of course, Remus had Sirius. Who looked after him in ways he didn’t even know he needed before he had him.
He was respectful and cautious about Remus’s boundaries, while instinctually knowing when the right time was to push them slightly because Remus was using them as a wall. When Remus was using their agreement not to sleep over during the week as an excuse to hole himself away – lost in a bit of loneliness. At those times, Sirius would materialise at his door, armed with a bouquet of seasonal flowers and dinner ingredients and they’d cook, eat together, and then Sirius would hold Remus through the night while he spoke about the sharp objects that were rattling around in his chest that week, making it harder to connect.
He read Remus’s journals over the space of a few months. And when Remus met his eyes after each entry, Sirius wouldn’t look away in embarrassment or awkwardness – he would meet the look with new understanding and wonder at the piece he’d been given of Remus in that moment.
And the sex continued to blow both of their minds.
It wasn’t always rough and exciting, but it was always punctuated with soft words and laughter, and afterward, they’d lie close to each other, stroking cheeks and pulling each other closer, checking in, reassuring, whispering “I love you” over and over again until they fell asleep with the echoes of it calming them like a lullaby.
Before they knew it, they were almost five months in and Remus was looped into the yearly planning for the event that was Sirius’s birthday in November.
It had taken Sirius a long time to enjoy his birthday.
It was only after he’d met James and Pete that he’d realised that birthdays and holidays could be happy occasions, and years longer to stop understanding it in theory and start experiencing it in practice.
In the early years, he’d throw a huge bash – get blackout drunk and stay out all night until James had to carry him home. He told himself he enjoyed the attention, but really, he just wanted to be distracted from the memories of how birthdays had gone in the years preceding when they were still spent at his parents’ house.
When he reached his mid-twenties, however, around the time he started the horticulture course and begun dating Mary, he’d figured out that he preferred occasions that were more intimate. They normally tried to do something outdoors as a group to enjoy the final days of autumn before December rolled around and the cold really settled in. One year, James had found a strangely unseasonal fun fair out in the country, and they’d spent the late afternoon and evening eating candy floss and riding the Ferris wheel wrapped up in scarves and puffer jackets. Another year when they’d been unable to leave town for the occasion, Pete and James had erected a tent in James’s backyard and they’d stayed up all night and tried to spot the few stars that the light pollution didn’t mask, seeing in Sirius's birthday over cider and homemade birthday cake.
This year they had found a few cabins out in Brecon, on the edge of the Bannau National Park in Wales. Since Sirius’s birthday was falling on a Wednesday that year, the plan was for the gang to go up on Friday afternoon before, spend the weekend celebrating and generally making merry, and then they’d leave on Sunday, leaving Sirius and Remus to have a few days to themselves until the Friday following Sirius’s day.
The weekend days of the trip were marked by a hike into the national park on Saturday with Marlene, James, and Pete while Mary, Dorcas, Regulus, and Lily hung out with Remus at the cabins, and a picnic on Sunday morning by the waterfalls that were only a short drive from their accommodation. Friday and Saturday evening had them staying up around bonfires with Sirius snuggling into Remus’s arms while James regaled them all with stories of their shared youth, or otherwise inspiring them to tell relay ghost stories and play a game of charades.
On the Sunday night, Remus and Sirius spent the evening in the outdoor bath, watching the sun setting over the trees and just enjoying being together in the quiet that followed the others leaving.
***
Sirius
-
On the third of November, Sirius woke at what appeared to be mid-morning. He couldn’t be sure because his ability to gauge the time was compromised by the butterfly kisses that Remus was leaving all over his face and neck as he surfaced from sleep into the waking world. Laughter bubbled out of his throat at the tickling sensation and the flutters stopped as the big brown eyes he loved blinked down at him affectionately. From where he was hovering over him, Sirius took in Remus’s auburn hair backlit by a rare autumnal sunny day, lit like a beacon from behind, and the spattering of freckles over the cheeks that creased as he smiled down at Sirius where he lay.
He leaned down to kiss him on the lips and Sirius hummed in contentment.
Waking up with Remus was his favorite way to begin the day.
The kiss was slow, sleepy, and lingering and Sirius brought his arms up around Remus’s neck as he teased Sirius’s mouth open with his tongue to allow him to taste the flavour of the coffee that Remus already seemed to have drunk (the traitor) and the sweetened taste of Remus himself.
The man in question pressed himself against Sirius’s reclining form, slipping between his legs and allowing him to feel just how happy Remus was to see him that morning.
Remus broke the kiss and began to nuzzle and kiss down Sirius’s neck and chest. As the covers slipped down from around them, Sirius expected to feel the chill of the late Autumn morning as Remus exposed his torso to the air, making his way down to his navel, and pausing to pay attention to each of Sirius’s nipples, laving the delicate skin with his tongue and then nipping with his teeth – causing Sirius to gasp and moan. Instead, the air in the cabin felt comfortably warm and cozy – Remus had obviously lit the log burner a while ago.
Sirius sucked in another gasp when Remus sat up and peeled off his pajama pants and began to trace circles on his inner thigh while he pressed progressively sloppier kisses into Sirius’s happy trail, making his way further and further south to where he knew that Remus knew he was already hard. Remus was using this knowledge to his advantage, inching his fingers ever so slightly closer with every circle on Sirius’s inner thigh, in conjunction with his mouth, closing the distance a little more– but never quite enough – with every new kiss he placed on Sirius’s abdomen.
It was driving Sirius positively feral.
“Moony…” he croaked – his first word for the beginning of his twenty-ninth year, and heard the subject of the name hum in amusement as he continued to tease Sirius with his tongue and fingers. He’d begun to use his other hand to rub circles over Sirius’s opposite hip and outer thigh, digging his fingers in for a squeeze when they slipped underneath Sirius’s arse cheek, but once again, never going further than that tortuous closeness to what Sirius was now desperate to have touched.
“Moony, please…” Sirius whined.
Remus finally gave in, using the hand tracing the skin on Sirius’s inner thigh to palm the hot, aching length of Sirius’s erection. Sirius groaned loudly and Remus chuckled appreciatively.
At the same time, he knelt between Sirius’s legs and reached to the open drawer where they’d stashed their supplies for their stay, bringing out the lube and coating the fingers of one hand before using his left hand to work over Sirius’s cock, in a wringing circular motion, and then bringing his right between Sirius’s cheeks, to tease his entrance with a slippery finger.
“Oh my God…” Sirius moaned when a few minutes later, Remus finally lay between his legs and took Sirius into his mouth fully, sucking as he pulled off and swirling his tongue around the tip before dipping back to engulf Sirius’s cock in the warm wetness. Remus’s other hand was still fingering him gently, gradually stretching him out before adding a second finger and crooking them to touch the spot that made Sirius see paradise, arching his back against the mattress as the mouth around him continued to bob up and down, overwhelming him in sensation.
It didn’t take long from there. Between Remus’s magic fingers and his delicious tongue, Sirius was crying out in very little time, coming down the back of Remus’s throat while he hummed in approval, the vibrations around his cock only enhancing the experience as he rode out his relief. When Remus swallowed and finished sucking Sirius’s length clean, he lifted off and climbed over Sirius’s torso, pillowing his head on Sirius’s chest and his own folded arms, smiling a smugly satisfied Cheshire cat grin up at Sirius.
“Happy birthday, Baby,” he said, speaking low and sultry, as he always did in the morning.
Sirius gently threaded his fingers through the curls over Remus’s forehead, left disheveled by Sirius’s grip on the locks as he’d come.
“Best birthday ever,” Sirius laughed, chest heaving as he caught his breath, “But didn’t you want me to-”
“Nope,” Remus smirked up at him, cutting him off.
“Moony,” Sirius spoke reprovingly, “I can literally feel how hard you are,” he finished with a quirked brow and a pointed smirk.
“Hmmmm, well, I can’t argue with the evidence there,” Remus shrugged, “but I have a schedule to keep for the morning and there’s no time for you to get me back right now,” he finished with the tone of someone who’s hands are tied.
“Wha-” Sirius asked in confusion as Remus got up quickly from his place between Sirius’s legs and hurried over to the kitchenette in the cabin.
Sirius found his briefs and pulled them back on before Remus returned carrying a tray and placed it on Sirius’s lap. Then he hopped into his place next to him on the mattress and dropped a fabric shopping bag between them with a grin.
The tray held a steaming mug of coffee – freshly brewed if the smells from the kitchen unit were anything to go by – and a flakey warmed croissant, sliced open and filled with slivers of cheese and ham.
Sirius picked up the mug and took a sip of the steaming brew, sighing in contentment and leaning against the wall behind the bed.
“This is amazing, Sweetheart,” Sirius said smiling at Remus from where he sat against the headboard, nursing a cup of his own, “Thank you.”
Remus smiled back gently and leaned in to press a kiss to the corner of Sirius’s mouth.
“I have been tasked with dolling out the gifts,” he smirked, pulling the shopping bag closer to him.
Sirius sighed in fond exasperation.
“I thought we all agreed that this trip was the gift,” he groaned.
“Oh, shut up, you know you’re glad they ignored you,” Remus huffed and handed Sirius a package.
Sirius snorted in response as he took it. The parcel was wrapped in paper that was yellow and printed all over with large blue number 2’s. Sirius was momentarily puzzled until he looked closer and saw that next to every single number 2 was written the number 9 in blue Sharpie.
“This must be from James and Lil,” he barked with a laugh, settling the tray to the side to take the package.
“Correct,” Remus smirked.
Sirius tore the wrapping off and found a folded black hoodie. On further inspection, the article unfolded to show a black and white image of Al Pacino leaning on a desk in a characteristic pose, with ‘The Godfather” printed above the image complete with the classic hand holding the sticks for a marionette puppet above the lettering.
Sirius and Remus both snorted with laughter.
“…I’m gonna find a way to work those lines into every time that kid comes to me for advice now,” Sirius sniggered as he held up the hoody, grinning at the image.
“And I’m sure James knows that,” Remus sniggered into his coffee, “otherwise he’d never have named you his soon-to-be-kid’s godfather,” he finished.
Sirius put the hoodie on immediately, causing his hair to crackle with static and Remus to snort at his presumably electrified curls.
Next, Remus handed Sirius a square cardboard box that looked like it was from a bakery. On further inspection, it contained four cranberry and macadamia scones from the coffee cart – from Marlene and Dorcas.
“I promised I’d put these right into the freezer once you’d opened the box,” Remus said hurrying out from the covers and taking the box before hurrying to the bar fridge-freezer and placing the box inside.
“I’m surprised there aren’t any missing,” Sirius responded with a pointed brow lift as he snuck another sip of coffee and Remus snuck back into his spot.
“Nah, she knows that the chocolate muffins with the orange glaze are my current favorite,” he snorted, “plus, there may or may not be another box in the freezer at the house – these are just for the rest of our stay.”
“And you’re hoping I’ll share my bounty like the good lad I am?” Sirius smirked at Remus while he settled back.
He was rewarded for his quip with a jab at his side and a kiss on the cheek.
“Well, you’re always good for me, aren’t you?” Remus growled against his ear before sitting back and reaching for whatever was next out of the bag while Sirius choked on his sip of coffee and blinked a few times, feeling suddenly off balance. His heart rate had spiked again.
Before Sirius could get his wits back, Remus placed another gift into his lap. Sirius coughed a few more times before gasping a breath while Remus smirked from his position next to him. He reached for the gift, glaring at him but unable to fight the good-humored smirk that crept into his face even then.
Pete and Mary had bought Sirius a very decent bottle of whisky, along with two lovely crystal tumblers and a set of mixers for them to experiment with – both Remus and Sirius having a penchant for whisky-based cocktails. The gift that followed was from Reg - a new pair of Docs embroidered with red roses.
Lastly, Remus handed him another gift bag from somewhere on the floor at his side of the bed, his face twisted into a shy, excited expression.
“From you?” Sirius asked with a smirk, reaching out and poking a nodding Remus in the side and causing him to flinch and giggle adorably – he was always horribly ticklish.
Sirius made a trilling noise of excitement, making Remus snort next to him in amusement.
The bag clearly contained one of Remus’s own jumpers folded into its depths.
Sirius pulled it out of the bag, eyes wide and unable to suppress the elated grin that stretched across his face.
“You’re always stealing that one, so I thought you might want to keep it…” Remus offered, face working around a smile he was trying to suppress at Sirius burying his head into the knitted fabric and inhaling deeply.
It smelled like clove, chai, and Remus.
“I may have slept in that so it smells like me,” Remus put in as Sirius put out a groan in approval at the scent.
“It’s perfect, Moony,” Sirius said, voice muffled by the jumper he still held to his face.
Remus pushed the bag towards Sirius with a still shy expression.
“There are a few other things in there…” He said quietly, bringing his chin to rest against his fists where he leaned his elbows on his knees – his legs folded under him as he watched Sirius.
He pulled the bag closer and spied two smaller, wrapped gifts.
When unwrapped, the first was a narrow, elongated box. Sirius raised his brows at the box that obviously came from a jeweler and opened it.
Inside, nestled into the cushion, was a white gold chain with a simple half-moon pendant hanging from it.
***
Remus
-
Sirius sat looking down at the box for a long moment and Remus found himself feeling that old fear creeping up his neck at the lack of response.
“You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to – or if you don’t like it. I just noticed you only wear cool-toned metal and you know I love it when you call me Moony, so I thought you might- but it’s okay if it’s too much, I can take it back,” Remus began to babble, reaching for the box that Sirius was still staring at.
As if startled by a trance, Sirius looked up and clutched the box to his chest– his eyes swimming with moisture. He looked totally shattered.
“Moony…” He spoke helplessly, reaching for Remus with one hand while his other still held the box. Remus breathed out in relief and shifted closer. He Sirius to him, his head burying itself in the crook of Remus’s neck, overwhelmed.
After a few moments, Sirius lifted his head and looked into Remus’s eyes, sniffing slightly with a tremulous smile.
“Will you-”, Sirius started handing Remus the box and turning his back and holding his hair to the side so it was out of the way.
“Of course,” Remus croaked, taking the necklace out of the cushioned setting with a swallow, unclasping it after a few tries, and then bringing it around Sirius’s neck gently and fastening it at the nape of his neck. When the clasp was secure, he ducked his head quickly and snuck a kiss just below the ear that Sirius exposed when he moved his hair.
Sirius turned back but didn’t move away.
“I love it, Moony,” Sirius whispered, voice thick with emotion, “Thank you,”
“We match now,” Remus smirked slightly, pulling a gold chain out of the collar of his sleep shirt with a finger, and showing Sirius the necklace that he’d been wearing since that morning he’d put it on shortly after waking up before he’d prepared Sirius’s breakfast and woken him up.
Sirius took in the star shape of the yellow-gold pendant, his eyes widening in understanding. He shifted his position, climbing on so that he was straddling Remus’s lap, looking down at him as his finger traced the shape lightly, his smile morphing into a dangerous smirk. Remus had a feeling he was going to enjoy what happened next immensely. Sirius was still wearing the hoodie and Remus grabbed him by the hips, his fingers sliding against the soft skin underneath the article as he looked up into the silver-blue eyes he loved more every day.
“There’s still one more gift in the bag,” Remus said softly, smirking up at Sirius’s expanding pupils.
“I’ll open it later,” Sirius said, leaning down and stealing a slow, teasing kiss.
“I think you want to open it now, Baby,” Remus growled, pulling back and smiling and the indignant noise that Sirius made in response.
He reached to the side and tugged the bag over to them, blindly reaching in and pulling out the short, rectangular box that remained inside. With a huff, Sirius sat back a little, leaning into Remus’s hold for support slightly as he unwrapped the last box. Before he could open it, Remus removed one hand from where it was holding Sirius and opened it toward him. He reached into the box and picked up the copy of his house key he’d had made and held it up to Sirius, who stared at it with dawning realisation.
“Now, I know that you’ve been happy staying at James’s for the last few months,” he started, clearing his throat of nerves, “and I know the flat sold in September so you could just find your own place. But I want you to know that if you’re ready, I’d love it if you wanted to move in with me.”
Sirius’s eyes widened even more as Remus continued his speech.
“There’s no pressure to, of course,” he hurried on, “If you want to wait a bit more and get your own place then I won’t be offended,” he swallowed anxiously, “But you should have a key anyway – I want you to feel welcome to come and go as you please – stay over as often as you like until you’re ready to make the next step.”
Remus took a breath.
“But I want you to know I’m ready to take the next step.
I want to wake up with you and go to bed wrapped around you. I want to cook dinner together and argue about what takeout to order. I want to dance in the kitchen to Queen. I want to watch trashy soap operas with your head in my lap and take baths together. I want to learn to garden with you and I want to decorate the tree together and disagree over whether we have ham or turkey for Christmas dinner until we finally cave and just have both,” At this Sirius snickered, his mask of astonishment cracking with humour.
“I want to spend days in bed with you. I want to fuck you on every flat surface of that house whenever we can,” Remus growled as Sirius’s smile turned back into a feral smirk.
“I want you there when I’m not well, and I want to be there to hold you through your nightmares.”
Sirius’s expression softened there. It had only been a month or so ago that Remus had been present for one of Sirius’s night terrors, where the vicious remnant of his parents reared its ugly head to disturb his sleep.
“I want all of it, Sirius.” Remus finally finished.
“And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same yet, I can wait-”
Sirius interrupted his diatribe by leaning forward and meeting Remus’s lips with his. He placed one arm around Remus’s neck and kept his other hand resting against the gold chain around his neck as he tilted his hips forward and ground into Remus’s pelvis.
“Is that a-”
“Yes? Of course it is, Moony,” Sirius murmured into the kiss, rolling his hips again and making Remus groan, unable to help it.
“You’ll move in?!” Remus asked in confirmation, bringing the fist holding the key and his other arm around Sirius’s waist, pulling him closer still, ears ringing with elation.
“Fuck-” Sirius gasped as their cocks brushed under the fabric of Sirius’s briefs and through Remus’s sweats, “how could I not?”
Remus gasped as well and reached behind him blindly to drop the key onto the bedside.
“I love you so much,” He groaned as Sirius leaned down to kiss his neck.
“…God, I love you Moony,” Sirius spoke against his collarbone.
Remus lifted him and flipped Sirius so that he was on his back looking up at him with a surprised but pleased laugh.
"I thought we were on a schedule?" he asked with a coy look and a raised brow.
“Yes, well, you always get what you want, don’t you?” Remus growled tugging his own shirt off.
“Well, I got you, didn’t I?” Sirius returned with a satisfied smirk as he wriggled out of the hoodie and peeled off his briefs.
“Worked out pretty well for both of us then, didn’t it?” Remus smirked back, leaning down to claim Sirius’s lips with a kiss once again.