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Jealousy was not a good look on anyone, but especially not Seungcheol. Minghao was the first to notice, and the first to point out just how ugly the look was on Seungcheol when he glared down at the other two. It was so painfully obvious, all the others were soon to follow on picking it up, everyone but Jeonghan and Joshua that was. They were just oblivious to the looks shot their way and the snarky comments that were made just out of their ear shot.
Everyone was super accepting when they announced their relationship, even Seungcheol, who they told first. He was so happy for them, happy that his two best friends found love in a place so familiar. It also eased his worries as a leader knowing how much easier it was for them to keep their relationship a secret from fans since they were in the same group.
He isn't really sure when everything changed. He was happy for them, and then he realized one day, a few months after they had been openly dating around the dorms, that he was no longer happy. He thought maybe at first he was just lonely, but even when he started seeing people in his own time, he would catch himself watching them and just getting mad.
"You should talk to them," Minghao offered, sitting next to Seungcheol at the dining table, following the others' eyes, seeing the obvious glare directed at the two on the couch. Jeonghan and Joshua weren't the biggest on pda, but they would sit close, too close. They would share quiet laughs, and Jeonghan had recently taken up a fondness for playing with Joshua's hand while they talked. It was sickening to Seungcheol.
"What am I supposed to say? That I hate that they are happy?" Seungcheol scoffed along with his hushed response, finally looking away from the two to meet the others' eyes.
"No, because that isn't the truth." Minghao said, sounding almost disappointed, and talking far too loudly for Seungcheol's liking. The two couldn't hear them, they were absorbed in their own world, far too focused on each other, that even if Minghao was talking loud enough for them to hear, they'd probably select to ignore the conversation.
"It is the truth," Seungcheol started, his voice once again hushed, and urged Minghao to respond in a similar volume. "I look at them being happy and I just get mad. That's all it is." Minghao just shook his head in response, looking across the table at Seungcheol, his gaze so judging. The older one didn't get it, didn't understand what Minghao was obviously hinting at. He wasn't dumb, there is not a single person in his life that would call him that, but the fact that he couldn't get what the others around him clearly saw as a rather simple concept, all picking up on it before him, made him feel dumb.
"Just explain it to me then." Seungcheol mumbled, feeling defeated. This was not the first, and if he didn't ask for help, this probably wouldn't be the last conversation like this he had. He felt defeated, his ego taking a sharp hit from it all. It has been months since this first started, if not a year already. He was tired of just being mad, and the distance it was causing between him and the other two. They all used to be so close before this.
He wonders, pretty often, if they realize just how distant he has grown from them.
Probably not.
"You like them." Minghao said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world yet to Seungcheol the words felt like a ton of bricks falling on top of him. It made his body ache from an invisible pain, and the anger he felt before only seemed to grow. He didn't agree, didn't want to believe Minghao, but part of his mind couldn't brush off the words. He wanted to get mad, to argue with the younger, to clarify that his feelings were anything but that, but he couldn't.
It was true.
It was true and it destroyed him.
"I'm going to my room." He said, getting up from the table, not bothering to give Minghao a better response, but he didn't have to. The other knew he needed time to understand what he had just found out.
-
It had been almost a week, and now every time Seungcheol got mad, all he could think about was what Minghao had said. It was starting to become more and more painful, the anger morphing into something much worse. It was a shot to his chest every time he saw their soft touches, realizing now just how he wished they were shared with him.
He wished the younger had never said anything, the anger and distance was far better than anything he felt now.
Jeonghan and Joshua were the only other two at the dorm today, it was a free day and most everyone had plans. They were all excited to do their own things. Seungcheol normally was one of those, but emotionally he had been all over the place and decided today was a perfect stay at home self care day. Jeonghan and Joshua however thought they would have the dorm to themselves and were prepared for a very romantic home day.
They were in the middle of opening up a glass of wine, with romantic music playing of course, when Seungcheol made his way out of his room, joining them in the kitchen, though he was focused on making himself something to eat.
"You aren't going out today?" Jeonghan asked, the tone to his voice feeling almost judgey, but that may have just been in his head.
"Nope, I wanted to chill at home." He replied, his words short, sounding a bit harsh even. Seungcheol noticed as soon as he had said it, and the kind of relaxed vibe in the room quickly turned to one that was tense. He very suddenly couldn't breathe, everything felt as if it was closing in on him, and he could feel Jeonghan and Joshua's eyes boring into his back.
"I'm sorry?" Jeonghan offered, very confused over why the other was acting like that towards him. He didn't get what he had said that would make Seungcheol so mad at him, he had just simply asked a question.
Everything felt so heavy, it was making Seungcheol sick. He needed to gasp for air, needed to move away from them, needed to do anything that would stop everything that he felt in that moment. He was, however, stuck in place, unable to move beyond the slight trembles he felt in his thighs.
"We don't know what we did but you've been like this for a while." Joshua finally spoke up, breaking the silence. Seungcheol doesn't know how long it was truly silent for, but before the other had spoken up it felt like he had just been standing there, trying to move, for an hour.
"You didn't do anything." He finally forced out, his hands gripping at the countertop, his head hung low. Guilt, disgust and a bunch of unnameable emotions washed over him in an instant.
"Clearly we did." Jeonghan mumbled, something Seungcheol clearly wasn't meant to hear, but everything was so painfully loud and obvious to him at that moment. He felt so hot, and so weak, his body all but collapsing on the counter, using the grip he already had to keep from falling to the floor. Everything hurt, and he was oh so tired. He couldn't push it off anymore, it would break him if he kept trying to.
"You didn't." He repeated, taking a deep breath of air, one that still didn't feel deep enough, his lungs burning from the need for more air. "It's me, it's not either of you." He clarified, shaking his head.
"It's not you, it's me.. that's really your explanation for hating us?" Joshua spoke up, his voice mocking, or was it confused? It all was muddling together, he couldn't comprehend it, everything was too much.
"I don't hate you!" He argued, finally turning around to face them with the little energy he had left, leaning back against the counter, his hands desperately gripping onto it again as his back pressed into the spot his stomach had previously been on. "I have never hated you." He added, his voice much softer, quieter this time.
He still couldn't meet either of their eyes, his gaze shifted down towards the ground, focusing on the uneven grout in the tile beneath their feet, anything to keep from having to look at them. They were standing so close, their feet barely inches from each other and yet Seungcheol was so far away. He hated it. Hated how he was jealous of how close they got to be, even in a situation like this. Everything hurts.
"Then why are you treating us like this?" Jeonghan asked, and Seungcheol watched as he took a step towards him.
"Are you okay?" Joshua followed up his boyfriend's question with one of his own, stepping into Seungcheols space as well, worry lacing the words. Jeonghan too, had sounded worried, but Seungcheol didn't want to acknowledge it. He didn't even want to be having this conversation. Today was supposed to be a self care day, he had it all planned out, and now it was all ruined.
"No." He finally answered, defeat obvious in his tone as his body finally collapsed, falling to kneel on the ground in front of the two. He wasn't sure when he started to cry but as he rested his palms on his knees, leaning forward to keep his focus on the ground instead of them, he watched as tears dropped from his face and landed on his pajama pants. "I'm not."
"Talk to us, we are your friends." Jeonghan spoke, the wine bottle him and Joshua had previously been working together to open was long since abandoned, and he was quick to move to sit next to his crying friend, his boyfriend sitting at Seungcheols other side.
"I can't." Seungcheol whispered, his body shaking as more tears escaped him, his eyes pressing shut as his fists balled up, squeezing tightly in an attempt to ground himself. Everything that had been too much before was growing more intense, they were in his space and it made everything that much worse.
"Yes you can, we are here for you." Joshua reassured, his hand resting over Seungcheols balled up fist, the other letting out a soft, shaky sigh in response. He felt even more guilty, knowing this was all just because he was head over heels for these two who were beyond in love with each other. They were perfectly happy and here he was crying in front of them, all because he couldn't control his own heart.
It felt cruel. The world must hate him.
He opened his mouth to talk but nothing came out, he wanted to just get it out and over with but it felt like he just couldn't. How was he supposed to tell them this secret? It could make them uncomfortable, it could ruin the little remaining friendship they still had, and then how was he supposed to face their other members? They worked together, if he ruined it it would be uncomfortable for not only them but the other 10 men in their group and the countless staff they interact with. He would be ruining everything.
"We are here for you, no matter what." Jeonghan added, noticing how long it was taking for Seungcheol to say something.
It was now or it was never. He did everything, for everyone, no matter what it was or how they asked. He bent over backwards for them all. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to be selfish and say the truth of how he was feeling for once. Or at least that was how he was trying to mentally justify it, hoping getting it out would make him feel better.
"I like you." He spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Me?" Jeonghan asked, trying to clarify what Seungcheol had just said, obviously a little taken aback by the sudden confession, but the man next to him just shook his head. So Joshua asked the same question, and again Seungcheol shook his head.
"Then who?" Jeonghan asked, his eyebrows furrowing a bit, looking over the crying man at his boyfriend before speaking again. "Both of us?" He asked, hesitant. Seungcheol nodded, and the weight lifted off him a bit. Everything relaxed for a few seconds, knowing it was finally out there and it was one less thing he needed to worry over, but it all quickly hit him again, knowing he might have completely destroyed everything.
"Oh." The two echoed together, both withdrawing their hands from Seungcheols body as they processed what was meant.
It was quiet, besides the sobs that left the one in the middle. Jeonghan and Joshua still sat at his side, but they were silent. None of them wanted to talk, nor did they even know what to say. Seungcheol doesn't know how long they sat there like that, but it was long enough for him to stop crying. He sat back, the world around him relaxing a bit and he could finally breathe.
The silence was the worst part, Seungcheol noted, as his sobs subsided. They weren't saying anything, weren't even attempting to comfort him after all that. They just sat there, at his side, staring off and filling the room with a silence that was so awkward it hurt.
“You’re our best friend.” Jeonghan finally spoke up, causing another set of sobs to pour out of Seungcheol. He knew that, of course he did, he didn’t expect anything good to come from confessing, he just needed it to be out there. He couldn’t even say that though, crying too hard to form any sentences. Even if he could, his brain was too muddled to make any sentences. Everything hurt, and everything was so confusing. He hated it.
“Please don’t cry.” Joshua spoke, reaching out to hug Seungcheol, the angle awkward but he made it work, pulling the buff man to his side, letting him cry into his shoulder. Seungcheol knew his tears were soaking through Joshua’s shirt, even trying to open his mouth to apologize, but the one holding him was quick to shush him.
“We will need to talk about this..” Jeonghan continued, reaching out to rub Seungcheols back, looking over at his lover, a small frown on both of their lips as they made eye contact.
-
They did talk about it, and a few days later, they had convinced Seungcheol to meet with them. Seungcheol had ignored it at first, when they had added him to a group chat and tried to text him, but after three days and dozens of unread messages in said group chat, he finally caved and opened them. He agreed to meet under the condition that if he left at any point during said meeting, they would pretend none of it had ever happened. He just wanted a safe escape route and wanted comfort in the fact that they wouldn't pressure him to listen to a rejection.
"There you are." Joshua said, a soft smile on his lips as Seungcheol joined them in the hotel room they had booked. It was their best way to ensure privacy for the duration of their conversation. This was none of the other members business, and getting privacy around the dorms at this time of night was hard.
"Here I am." Seungcheol echoed back, taking a deep breath as he walked further into the room, looking around as an excuse to not had to look at the couple, who were sitting on a couch tucked in what he assumes was meant to be the living room of the room. It was a really nice hotel room, probably a bit too expensive for the conversation they were about to have.
"So we have talked," Jeonghan said, tapping the spot on the couch between him in his boyfriend, encouraging the other to join them. He didn't, he stayed where he was stood, close to the door. Close to an escape. "You're our best friend." He repeated, the same words he had said days early and everything came rushing back.
Seungcheol felt so weak, he knew this is what he was coming here for, he knew he would be rejected the second they made the group chat. He tried to avoid this and yet here he was, hearing it all over again. The air started to get heavy again, just like it had before he confessed, and his knees felt weak. He was going to cry again, he could feel it. Seungcheol could feel the way the tears piled up, threatening to stain his cheeks in any second.
"We want you to be happy." Jeonghan continued, the couple closely watching their friend, both wanting to proceed cautiously, hoping to avoid another breakdown, though they both realized it probably would be a lot harder than they originally thought.
Happy, they wanted him happy? Is that why they booked a hotel to reject him? His thoughts were racing as his eyes casted down, towards the ground. He was trying to ground himself, his lungs quickly becoming harder and harder to fill. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even really see straight. Everything was too much. He was so weak.
“You mean so much to us.” Joshua added, getting up from the couch, moving closer to their friend who in turn backed up. The walls felt like they were closing in on Seungcheol. He had tried so hard to prepare himself for this, letting his mind come to terms with the fact that they were going to reject him as soon as he had confessed, but suddenly it was all too real.
He wanted to leave, no, he needed to leave. He needed to be out of this room that was suddenly too small for the three of them. He needed to be outside, needed fresh air. Needed to be away from them.
“Don’t go.” Jeonghan spoke up, almost like he could read Seungcheols thoughts, getting up like his boyfriend had seconds earlier. “Please let us finish.”
“Why does a rejection need to be so drawn out?” Seungcheol finally spoke up, the tears spilling over, a soft sob leaving his lips as he looked up at the couple, their gazes towards him feeling far too soft, too kind, for what was happening.
“Oh baby,” Jeonghan cooed, something that made the other's stomach twist into knots, butterflies as some people called them. “We aren’t rejecting you.”
“Quite the opposite actually.” Joshua added, stepping closer to Seungcheol, who finally let the couple into his personal space. “You’re so pretty.” He cupped Seungcheols face, wiping away the tears that spilled out against the others' will.
They weren’t rejecting him, and Joshua was calling him pretty, and the room still felt so small. His mind was spinning, going what felt like millions of miles a minute. He had been so adamant that they were going to reject him that now everything felt weird, and wrong, but not bad. He liked having his face cupped by the man in front of him. He liked having the couple in his space, and yet, he still couldn’t breathe, still couldn’t stop crying. He still felt so, so weak.
“Seungcheol,” Jeonghan spoke, reaching out to let his hands replace Joshua’s, who let his own hands drop to Seungcheol’s waist instead. “Look at me.” The other did, looking at the blurred form of Jeonghan through his tears, then watching the blurred form get closer until he wasn’t so blurry, until their lips touched.
They kissed. Jeonghan kissed him.
Seungcheol kissed back, his eyes pressing shut as his hands reached out, desperately gripping at the couples shirts, holding the two men close as he used the kiss to ground himself. The tears didn’t stop, no instead they got harder, a mix of relief and pain. He was so happy, they returned his feelings, they wanted him, but at the same time he had worked up everything bad that could happen, as if it would, that he just feels mentally, and emotionally exhausted.
“We like you.” Jeonghan spoke, his words soft, as he broke the kiss, though Seungcheol didn’t get reprieve for too long, Joshua was quick to take over kissing the crying man.
“You’re so pretty.” Joshua whispered, his lips breaking from the others just long enough for those words to escape before he was kissing him again, harder than before. Jeonghans kiss had been soft, careful, whereas Joshua seemed almost desperate, eager even.
Seungcheol wanted to reply, wanting to point out how he was a sobbing mess, but before he got the chance Jeonghan began working at his neck, leaving kisses along the exposed skin. It was far too distracting for him to try and say anything, instead relishing in the way the two were all over him.
He still felt as though the room was spinning, still felt as though everything was going to go wrong at any second, but he was going to let himself enjoy this. He wanted to believe that he deserved it.
It wasn’t long before the couple was pulling Seungcheol to the bed, Jeonghan sitting back against the headboard, Seungcheol in between his legs, facing Joshua who was hovering over the two men. He leaned over Seungcheol, kissing Jeonghan, who was more than happy to indulge and kiss back, the one between them whimpering softly as he watched the way their lips moved together.
The kiss broke not long after it started, the two quickly turning their attention to the one between them. Seungcheol was their focus tonight. As long as he wanted to be.
Joshua carefully tugged off his shirt while Jeonghan reached around him, ghosting over his abdomen with his cold hands, causing Seungcheol to lean back into him more, his stomach sucking in to escape the cold. Though he quickly relaxed as his body got used to the feeling.
“Do you want us?” Jeonghan asked, nibbling on Seungcheols ear while waiting for his response. He tried to nod, thinking that response would be efficient enough for the two men surrounding him. “Use your words.” Jeonghan spoke up, abandoning the other's ear to instead return to kissing down his neck. Joshua was hovering over him, waiting for a proper response before doing anything.
“Please, I want this.. I want you both.” Seungcheol breathed out, immediately being met with a kiss again. He was trying to focus on kissing Joshua, really he was, but his mind was growing hazy as Jeonghan continued to work at his neck, his hands sliding up to his nipples, playing with the bulbs. His kisses were getting lazy, interrupted with breathy whimpers as Jeonghan continued to play with them.
“He’s so sensitive.” Joshua hummed, a teasing pitch to his words, as he broke the kiss, his lips moving to replace Jeonghans fingers on his nipple, eagerly sucking and dragging a loud moan out of his lips. His body arching into Joshua’s mouth as his head fell back, landing on Jeonghans shoulder.
Seungcheol felt so weak, he hadn’t been intimate with someone in so long, and now he had two men all over him. He was already rock hard, his poor cock straining against his jeans with a little more than mild discomfort. Even so, he couldn’t bring himself to care, the lips on his neck and nipples far more important than any uncomfort he was feeling.
“We like you so much.” Jeonghan whispered, nipping softly at Seungcheols shoulder between each word. Joshua pulled off Seungcheol’s nipple with a wet pop, looking up at the two men with a soft smile before beginning to trail kisses down the others body, sucking softly after every kiss to leave a trail of marks that would fade soon enough. He wished he could leave something more permanent but he knew better than to upset their stylists with lasting marks.
Jeonghan rested his chin on Seungcheols shoulder, watching the way his boyfriend kissed down his body. Eagerly waiting for Joshua to get to the others pants.
“Joshua thinks you’re huge.” He whispers absentmindedly, causing Seungcheol to burn up, turning bright red at the knowledge that they talked about his cock. Not only just talked about it, but guessed his size.
“Hope I don’t disappoint.” He muttered back, though Jeonghan quickly shook his head.
“You could never disappoint us.”
Joshua was quick at undoing Seungcheols button once he had worked his way down to it, looking up at the other again. His hands froze as they hooked into his pants.
“Are you sure you want this?” He asked, causing a loud groan to leave the others lips.
“I want this, I want you both.” He confirmed, whining. “If you don’t hurry up and fuck me though I might lose my fucking mind.” He finally broke. They hadn’t even been teasing him, had barely even had that much time to rile him up, and Seungcheol normally would be more patient, but he couldn’t be, not with the two of them. A soft laugh left the other two, causing him to whine once again, before Joshua was finally pulling down his pants.
His cock sprang out as soon as it was close to free, standing up tall in front of Joshua, who eagerly licked his lips before looking up at Jeonghan.
“I was right.” He mused happily, dragging his hand up the length slowly. “He would look so pretty in your little hole.” He mused, causing both of the other men to flush, the thought of Seungcheol fucking Jeonghan flashing all of their minds, Seungcheols cock even reacting with a small twitch in excitement at the idea.
Joshua stopped, leaning away to grab a few condoms and a bottle of lube. Seungcheol debated arguing, wanting them to be connected, but that could wait. He was sure at that moment that he would have a chance to experience that in the future.
Joshua opened the lube bottle, spreading some of the thick liquid on his fingers, rubbing it between them in an attempt to warm it up a bit, though it still felt painfully cold when he circled it around Seungcheols hole.
Jeonghan reached around Seungcheol, pushing at his cheek softly to make the other look back at him, kissing him softly in an attempt to distract him as Joshua pushed a finger into him. The other moaned out against his lips, lazily kissing back. The stretch burned slightly, even with Seungcheol being someone who often played with toys alone, someone else stretching him out felt so different from when he would do it.
“You’re so pretty.” Joshua whispered, using his free hand to push Seungcheol’s legs further apart, watching the way his hole swallowed up his finger everytime he thrusted it in, using just the one finger until he was certain that the burn had subsided and Seungcheol would be comfortable with him adding a second, and then eventually a third. His hole swallowed up every added finger, Seungcheols pretty moans getting louder with each stretch, though they were muffled a bit by Jeonghan’s lips.
Joshua pulled his fingers out, watching the way Seungcheol’s hole tensed, a loud whine leaving the man. He wiped the lube off on the other's stomach, which made him receive another loud whine.
“Didn’t you want me to fuck you?” He asked, teasing the other who in turn eagerly nodded at the realization that he was going to be fucked.
Seungcheol couldn't believe all this was happening, his mind was spinning. He was so excited, watching Joshua slowly strip in front of him. He was going to get fucked, not only that, but he was going to be with the two men that he cared for more than anyone in the world. And they liked him back.
He felt amazing, almost like he was floating, watching Joshua lube up his cock. He felt like he was going to burst from the view, his cock throbbing.
“He’s amazing.” Jeonghan assured, running his hands over every part of Seungcheol that he could touch from the way they were sitting, trying to reassure him. It didn’t take too long for Joshua to line up his cock with Seungcheol’s hole, once again asking for consent, which he got an eager yes to, before he was pushing into him. Jeonghan, once again, kissed the man leaning against him, helping distract him the best he could from the burn of being stretched open by Joshua.
It didn’t take long for his body to adjust to the intrusion, his whimpers he had been letting out turning to moans once Joshua started to move. He wasn’t going to last long, he knew it almost immediately. He wasn’t normally one to cum that fast, but everything that had happened was a lot, and he was beyond excited for this, and everything that this meant for his future. He felt like he was floating, felt like he was happier than he ever had been before, and Joshua fucking him was just the topping on the cake.
Joshua thrusts sped up slightly, though the male was more focused on pulling his cock almost all the way out before thrusting fully in again, while Jeonghan reached around Seungcheol, stroking his cock with strokes that almost perfectly matched the timing of each of Joshuas thrusts.
He came undone so fast, a loud moan leaving his lips, his head once again falling back on Jeonghans shoulder, cum leaking out of his cock as his body shook slightly. Joshua continued to thrust into him through it, and Jeonghan stroked up, milking him dry before both of them came to a stop. Joshua slowly pulled out, leaning down to catch the others lips in a soft kiss.
“You did so good.” He whispered, getting a happy hum in response. Jeonghan and Joshua slowly help Seungcheol move to the side, quickly undressing the only one who remained clothed, before letting Seungcheol cuddle into his side.
Jeonghan held Seungcheol close, lazily kissing him as Joshua made quick work of stretching him. Joshua was more used to his boyfriend's body, knowing he could work faster, and not before long he was thrusting into Jeonghan, getting a loud moan in response. Seungcheol smiled, watching the way Jeonghans face twisted in pleasure as he was being fucked.
He worried for the briefest of seconds that he would still be jealous, whiney even, watching them fuck, but it felt so right. Seungcheol felt comfortable in his spot at Jeonghans side, watching them fall apart together with occasional kisses thrown his way.
They still needed to discuss their relationship, what all of this meant, but that could wait. They had all the time in the world.