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“Casey? What are you doing here? I thought you were in London with, like, your entire family or something?” In all honesty, Casey was wondering the same thing herself. It was true that her entire family was in London visiting her grandparents for Christmas. And it was true that unlike her entire family, she was still in Baltimore, standing on the front porch of the Barakat home, a porch she’s stood on a million times over the last 15 years. But tonight felt different. Tonight it didn’t feel like the same porch anymore.
“I….” she stammered, peeking up at the tall, lanky man staring down at her inquisitively. She didn’t know why she was there and she didn’t know what to say. She had every intention of getting on the plane to London that morning, but something held her back. The fight she’d had with Alex, Jack and Rian had been intense to say the least and the last thing she wanted was to cause any family drama for the holidays. So she stayed. After taking a cab back to her apartment, she had dumped off all of her bags and then left for a walk around the city. How she ended up at the Barakats house, she wasn’t really sure. Jack’s eyes softened as he looked down at her, reading the feelings in her eyes like a book.
“Do you want to come in? It’s freezing and you’re basically not even wearing a jacket.” He asked softly. Casey shook her head.
“No. I….. I’m not sure why I’m even here. I’m just gonna go home or something. I’m fine.” She sniffed, wiping tears from her eyes that she doesn’t even remember crying. She turned, running her fingers through her hair, about to take a step down off the porch when a large hand gently caught her arm. Jack turned her back around to face him.
“Case….” he started. Before he could say anything else, May peeked her head out the door.
“Casey? What are you doing outside? Jack, come on it’s freezing. Invite her in or something. Don’t be a total asshat!” She said, punching her brother in the arm. Jack rolled his eyes, letting out a sigh.
“May do you really think….” He started, but his sister wouldn’t let him finish, as usual.
“Come on Casey! Mom’s making snickerdoodles and Joe’s TRYING to play piano again. You can’t miss out on that!” she giggled, taking Casey by the hand and dragging her inside the warm, inviting house. “Mom…. MOM!” She yelled out, leading Casey and Jack into the large kitchen. “Mom look! Casey’s here!” Mrs. Barakat looked up from the bowl of cookie dough she had been mixing to see the slim blonde standing awkwardly in the middle of her kitchen, shivering and wet from the snow, arms wrapped around her small frame. Mrs. Barakat smiled up at Casey, wiping her hands on her apron and stepping out from behind the counter to hug her.
“Casey, what a wonderful surprise.” She said, pulling the girl into a tight hug. “Oh sweetie you're absolutely freezing.”
“Come on Case. I’ll grab you some warm clothes.” Jack sighed, taking Casey’s hand and leading her out of the kitchen and down the hall. Casey reveled in the warmth of his hand. She hadn’t really prepared herself for walking around the entire state of fucking Maryland in the dead middle of winter, dressed only in black skinny jeans, a t-shirt and a very thin grey hoodie. Jack led her up the stairs and into his childhood bedroom.
Stepping through the door was like stepping back in time for Casey. She’d spent many days in this very bedroom with Jack, Alex, Rian and Zack writing lyrics, listening to music and sneaking alcohol in through the bedroom window while Jack’s parents slept down the hall. Her eyes roamed the blood red painted walls, gazing over posters of Blink 182, Green Day, Good Charlotte and Sum 41, before finally stopping on a section of wall covered only in pictures. Pictures of of their time in high school and on tour. There were pictures of Alex and Jack running around the tour bus naked, of Alex and Lisa at prom, of Jack and Casey kicking Zack and Alex’s ass at beer pong. And right in the center of it all was a picture of Jack and Casey sleeping basically on top of each other in Jack’s bunk. She reached out her hand to touch it, basking in the glow of the memory of waking up wrapped up in Jack's arms. It was a picture that Casey herself had, tucked away in the drawer of her nightstand. It was taken years ago, when the guys were touring for Dirty Work.
“I really need to take those down.” Jack laughed from somewhere behind her. Casey turned around quickly, dropping her hand to her side.
“Why? They’ve been there forever.” She asked quietly. Jack walked over to stand beside her, gazing down at the pictures before plucking the beer pong picture right off the wall.
“Yeah….. It’s so weird to come in here and see all this stuff exactly the way it was when I moved out. I mean, like the posters and stuff I wouldn’t take down but all the pictures….. I don’t know I feel like they should be home with me. You know what I mean?” he said thoughtfully. Casey nodded, taking the picture from his hands and smiling.
“That was a fun night.” she sighed. Jack nodded.
“Yeah we kicked their asses for like 7 games straight that night!” He laughed. She laughed with him, pressing the picture back into its spot on the wall before turning to face him again. Jack held out some clothes to her. “Here. You can just leave your clothes up here if you want. Mom’ll probably wash them and shit anyway. I’ll be downstairs.” He nodded towards the door before taking a step in that direction. She reached out, catching his wrist before he could get too far away from here.
“Jack wait.” She whispered softly, not sure of what she really wanted to say, but knowing that she had to say something. His eyes found hers, dark brown staring down into baby blue. For a moment she stood, mesmerized by how warm and sweet his eyes looked, before shaking her head and clearing her throat. “Look, I’m sorry I just kind of…. showed up, ya know. Like I know that we’re not in a good place and stuff. But, um….. thanks.” She finally said, tears welling up in her eyes as she spoke.
“Oh dude…..” Jack started. He reached out, pulling Casey into his arms and squeezing her tightly. “It’s ok Case. It was just a dumb fight.”
“No no I know I just…. You guys were so pissed off and it was so stupid and I just feel so bad!” She cried into his chest, tears soaking through his thin tshirt. Jack’s fingers grazed over the knobs of her spine.
“Casey look.” he started, pulling back far enough to look in her eyes. “I can’t really speak for Alex and Rian, but it doesn’t matter how pissed off I am at you. You’re one of my fucking best friends in the world and I love you. It hurts when you’re upset. I’d never leave you out in the cold. Fucking never.” He pulled her back into his chest, letting his words sink in for a moment. “And as much as I love having you around, I think it's kinda fucking stupid that you bailed on Christmas with your family. It doesn’t matter what happened with you and Alex, it’s Christmas. I know they all want you there.” Casey sighed, knowing full well that he had a point.
“Yeah yeah, I know. But it’s kinda too late for that. I already missed my fucking flight and it’s Christmas eve so by the time I even got there it’d be too late. I’ll just spend Christmas alone. It’s fine, I’m not that worried about it. I’m used to being alone now.”
“Shut up Casey, you’re not fucking spending Christmas alone. You’re spending it with us. What the hell did you think, we’d just let you sit at home and watch Christmas Story 15 times by yourself?” Jack laughed. Casey shook her head.
“Jack I’m not invading your family Christmas…”
“Casey, it’s not like we don’t have enough room for you. I mean….. bed wise you’ll have to crash in here with me, but my mom buys you shit every year and my whole family fucking loves you. It’s not even up for discussion anymore.” Casey rolled her eyes, knowing there was no point in arguing. Jack would just involve his mom and probably his dad and siblings and she’d literally have no choice. Even if she tried to leave, they wouldn’t let her, or they’d just bring Christmas to her.
“Fine. Just… fine. Now can you get the fuck out so I can change?” she laughed. He winked at her.
“Watch out for the web cams.” he teased before turning and walking out the door.
“Jack, you’re fucking sick you know that!” She yelled after him. His laugh drifted up into the room and she smiled. Jack always had the best laugh.
************
It took only 10 minutes for Casey to get changed out of her wet, freezing clothes. She stripped down to her underwear quickly, ready to be rid of her frozen pants. Thankfully, the snow had soaked only far enough to dampen her shirt just a bit so she didn’t have to worry about taking off her bra, despite the fact that she knew that Jack would thoroughly enjoy the thought of her walking around his house with no bra on. Once stripped down, she pulled on the black sweatpants he had left her while gazing thoughtfully at the t-shirt laid out on his bed. It wasn’t anything special, just a grey cotton shirt with the word BONER stamped across it in dark grey letters, yet she knew that he’d picked it for a reason. Casey knew Jack well enough to know that that shirt was his favorite of all time. He constantly liked to joke about letting girls borrow his BONER shirts because he thought it was hilarious, but the grey one was special. It was the first one, and she knew for a fact that he’d never let anyone wear it before.
Casey slipped the shirt over her head slowly, the material soft against her skin. The scent of Jack’s skin hit her nose quickly. If she had thought she’d had the time, she would have sat with it for a moment, breathing in the the soft smell and reveling in the way it made her feel. But she knew that if she didn’t hurry, Jack would be up in a few to check on her and she really didn’t need him walking in on her sniffing all of his clothes. So she slipped the black zip hoodie he had also left for her over her shoulders and made her way out the door and down the stairs, breathing deeply as she went to catch as much of it as she could.
It was a strange thing, having feelings for Jack. She’d been in love with him for so long, probably since high school if she was really being honest with herself, but every little bit of him she was able to get made it all feel new again.
“Case, are you down here? Can you come help Jack and I with the tree?” she heard May call out from the living room, breaking into her thoughts. Casey shook her head slightly to rid herself of the thoughts.
“Uh, yeah be right there!” she called back, padding across the hall and into the living room where she found Jack and May arguing over where the ornaments should go, while Mr. Barakat sat in the recliner pretending to watch Christmas movies, but really snapping secret pictures of his children, something that Casey knew brought him a lot of joy. The Barakat kids were so spread out at now, with Jack constantly touring, May living in New York and Joe doing….. whatever it is Joe did, Casey knew how much it meant to both parents to have all of their children together for the holidays.
“Hey Case! Thank god you’re here, these two are driving me insane!” Joe said as he caught sight of her as he came out of the kitchen. “I’d hug you and stuff, but Mom’s got me on cookie duty, so….” he chuckled.
“Nah it’s cool. Jeez, I haven’t seen you in forever. Where’s Kathryn?” Casey asked. Joe rolled his eyes at the mention of his girlfriend.
“Last minute shopping of course. But what else is new.” He joked. Casey laughed.
"Jack, seriously we have this argument literally every year. You CAN'T put the heavy stuff in the top of the tree! Seriously! How many times do I have to explain this to you before you get it!" May snapped, breaking through Casey and Joe's conversation.
"Good luck with that," Joe said with a wink before heading back into the kitchen, safely hidden away from his fighting siblings.
"How many times do I have to tell YOU if it's that big of a deal then stop asking me to help you! You're just gonna move everything I put up anyway!" Jack snapped back, backing away from his sister and the tree.
“Ugh! You were so much better at this when you were little and just did what I told you to do.” May groaned. Jack snorted, walking over to the couch and throwing himself across the cushions.
“Like that lasted long enough for you to even get used to it. I don’t listen to no one!” He yelled out. Casey rolled her eyes, making her way over to the couch and pushing Jacks feet off the cushions so she could sit down.
“Yeah no kidding. No wonder Flyzik quit on you guys.” She teased, ruffling Jack's hair. May laughed loudly behind her.
“Hey fuck you! Flyzik didn’t quit ok he just had other stuff he wanted to do.” Jack whined, batting Casey’s hands from his hair.
“Language, Jack!” Mr. Barakat called out from across the living room. Jack rolled his eyes before shooting a glare in Casey’s direction.
“Sorry Dad!” Casey and May laughed. “Shut up both of you” Jack muttered under his breath, just loud enough for the two girls to hear it. He threw his legs across Casey’s lap, turning to face the TV, quickly becoming engrossed in whatever Christmas movie was playing, effectively ending the whole exchange.