Chapter Text
How long he and Jim clung together in their desperate fashion, Spock could not say. He gave himself over to the contact, allowing the sensations to flood him, letting Jim comfort him as no one before had ever done.
When their intense embrace became awkward to sustain they loosened their grasps, and repositioned themselves in a more relaxed hold. Jim slumped against him, cheek resting on Spock's shoulder, and rubbed slow soothing circles at the small of Spock's back. Spock carefully slipped his hands under the back of Jim's t-shirt, finding relief in resting his palms against the familiar musculature.
When Jim turned his head slightly to meet Spock's gaze, Spock stroked along his flushed cheek and angled his face so that their lips might easily meet.
Their kiss began gently, but before long Spock cradled Jim's jaw with both hands, turning the feather-light brushes of lips to a more satisfying pressure. When he slipped his tongue inside Jim's pliant mouth, Jim made a muffled sound and gripped Spock's shoulders hard.
They began to breathe heavily, clutching at each other with greater haste. Spock left off cupping Jim's cheek so that he might tug Jim's shirt upward. Jim fisted the fabric at the waist of Spock's sleep trousers to yank their lower halves even closer.
Soon Jim worked his hands underneath the waist of Spock's trousers to squeeze his backside, and Spock impatiently tore off Jim's t-shirt fully to feel the warmth of his body.
"Off," Jim panted, attempting to relieve Spock of his sweater along with his sleeveless tunic he still wore underneath.
"Though I do not wish to desist," Spock muttered as he lifted his arms over his head obligingly to enable Jim's removal of his garments, "I should note that I believed you intended for us to proceed slowly in resuming our physical intimacies."
"Forget I ever implied anything like that. Waiting? Worst idea ever," Jim huffed as they fumbled together to pull off Spock's sleep trousers and Jim's jeans. "We need to do this right the hell now."
They staggered to the right, tangling their legs together and stumbling as they finished stripping. After one overlong pause against a convenient wall so that Spock could kiss Jim frantically, Spock at last managed to guide them in the direction of his bedroom.
Jim let out a surprised, "oof!" when Spock tossed him onto the mattress, but he grinned dazedly when Spock crawled atop him.
"Hey, we finally made it to a bed," Jim got out in a choked voice while Spock bit and kissed against his collarbone.
"Indeed," Spock returned before he licked a stripe up Jim's neck and nosed at the underside of his jaw. "I have thought of you multiple times in this very location, of how you might look stretched out beneath me against these bedclothes. And now, to have you here with me at last --" He did not bother to finish his sentence, instead surging to kiss Jim's lips once more.
Jim kissed back adeptly for the most part, though his tendency to smile widely at Spock whenever they briefly caught their breaths hindered his efforts somewhat. But he soon returned Spock's attentions fully as they found a rhythm, his lovely mouth warm and welcoming. When Jim's legs parted automatically, Spock at once settled between them and deftly bent Jim's right leg toward his chest. He blanketed Jim's body with his again, relishing the sensation of Jim stretched out beneath him, of Jim's hard cock straining against his abdomen.
"Oh, fuck, I want you inside me," Jim breathed. He squirmed restlessly, pelvis thrusting in a random rhythm as he sought more friction.
"I desire that as well; I want to have you more than anything," Spock vowed. When his hips snapped forward in agreement, his erection slid in the valley between Jim's groin and thigh. "For so long without knowing, I have wished --"
Jim drew him back down in a wild, devouring kiss, and Spock momentarily forgot everything he might have said as Jim, agile and gorgeous and his for the taking, moaned helplessly into his mouth.
"Condom?" Jim asked urgently after some time had passed. He let his head fall back on the pillows, inhaling sharply to combat his shortness of breath.
"I will retrieve the necessary items," Spock told him, quickly pushing up on his palms and straddling Jim's body, thighs astride Jim's groin. The feel of their cocks again nudging together, the warmth of Jim's enticing body heat, their scents beginning to mingle in the surrounding air; every aspect of their encounter made Spock's pulse race.
He swiftly reached for the essential articles from his bedside table drawer and set them down on the mattress next to Jim's hip. But before he proceeded, he could not resist pausing at the sight laid out in front of him.
After all of their rushed and furtive encounters, he could at last look his fill -- at the gleam of Jim's golden skin, the glow of color in his cheeks, and the gratifying dilation of his pupils. Based on the way Jim's chest heaved and his eyes scanned hungrily over Spock's body, Spock felt certain Jim would soon demand they continue. But for the moment Spock surveyed Jim with aching pleasure, keenly feeling the erotic and emotional prospects again blooming between them. He caressed Jim's unkempt hair tenderly for a moment, overcome.
"You okay?" Jim asked. The vasodilation from his cheeks had spread across his chest, leaving his torso tantalizingly flushed.
Spock nodded, unable to speak. As he pulled his hand away from those soft strands to gather the bottle of lubricant, however, he inadvertently brushed against Jim's temple.
At the spark and flare of psi energy there -- so vibrant, so dynamic, so available to his seeking fingertips -- Spock squeezed his eyes shut momentarily. He snatched his hand back, breathing heavily.
"Spock?"
"It is only -- you are so tempting, not only your exquisitely fit body but your highly alluring mind," Spock said, his voice trembling. As he spoke, he curled his fingers around Jim's erection and rubbed his thumb under the plump head. With his free hand he stroked along Jim's thigh, following the path of ligaments and muscles as Jim shifted beneath him. He wished to caress Jim, obviously, but the deliberate touches had an additional benefit; this way, Spock could refrain from his dangerous craving to reposition his fingers for a meld.
"I love how even your dirty talk gets cerebral," Jim teased with a grin. He insinuated his hand down to lace his fingers with Spock's around his hard on, and rolled his hips up, pushing through their mutual grasp.
When Spock did not reply to the joke, however, Jim's expression rapidly shifted to one of concern. He stilled for a moment and let go, instead sliding both hands soothingly up and down Spock's forearms. "What's going on? You're nervous, right? What's up?"
Even with the comforting touch Spock tensed, reluctant to bring further complications between them. And yet his own forbidden yearnings, almost tangible in their strength, forced his hand: he could not in good conscience proceed without informing Jim of what he had almost inflicted upon him at Starfleet Medical.
"When the pseudo Pon Farr was upon me, and Doctors M'Benga and McCoy discussed their intended treatments, I pulled you away from the others --"
"Possessive Spock mode, right," Jim cut in, his lips quirked a little. "Sorry, keep going," he said more seriously when Spock arched an eyebrow.
"I lifted my hand to touch you here." Spock's fingertips skimmed over Jim's psi points before he drew his hand back again. "In doing so, I intended to initiate a meld between us even though I did not have your permission to do so."
As Jim listened, the tip of his tongue wet his lips. Spock had to steel his resolve to clarify his near transgression so that he would not immediately lean forward and press their mouths together.
"You mean like a psychic connection? I've heard Vulcans have that ability, but I thought they could only do it with each other." As Jim spoke, he absently extended his hand to Spock's psi points, echoing Spock's manual arrangement. When Spock shivered at the unintentional gesture, Jim adjusted himself so he was propped up on the pillows and reached with greater deliberation to thread his fingers slowly through Spock's hair. At first he proceeded cautiously, but when Spock made no objections he continued with greater assurance, occasionally caressing the outer shell of Spock's ear as he stroked.
"Typically, Vulcans meld only with close family members and their mates, the vast majority of whom are indeed other Vulcans," Spock clarified. "However, Vulcans can initiate melds with a variety of beings. Ideally we only undertake them with the consent of the other party." He paused, but forced himself to continue. "Obviously at that moment in the hospital room, I not only failed to obtain your approval, but in my frenzied state believed I did not need to seek your acquiescence at all."
Jim nodded, watching Spock intensely. "And what would have happened back at Medical, if you had melded us? You would have read my mind?"
"I was not stable enough to delve into your thoughts with care," Spock admitted. "The meld would have been intrusive, utterly uncontrolled. I was completely convinced you were my mate. At that moment, I resolved to join us through our minds to make that bond tangible and fixed. The inevitable result would have been a well-nigh indissoluble bond -- unless we later sought out a Vulcan elder versed in the unusual procedure of breaking marital links."
"Whoa," Jim said, blinking rapidly. Strangely, he seemed more astonished by Spock's disclosure than angered by it. "I think I didn't quite get the almost irreversible part when you basically proposed to me last night. A Vulcan can actually mentally link himself -- permanently -- to someone else? And because you were so ready to dive right into my brain, you almost walked us down the aisle all by yourself?" His hand slipped down so that his fingers rested, warm and reassuring, at the nape of Spock's neck.
Spock gave a slight nod, attempting to keep his expression calm. "Normally an elder would establish the bond formally. That is the case for most couples, particularly those bonded as children. But as we have a far higher than standard degree of affinity, and as our minds are consequently highly attracted to each other, it is quite likely my endeavor would have been a success without the intervention of a third party."
"Okay," Jim said slowly. He scratched lightly at the base of Spock's skull, as if the action aided his thinking. "Let's put the bonded-forever-and-ever part aside for just a sec and back up a little. You melding with me -- if you wanted to do it and I agreed and all that -- it wouldn't just be you inside my mind, reading what's going through my head. It would be both of us connecting to each other?"
"Indeed," Spock said softly. He let his thumbs skim over Jim's sharp hipbones, drifting lightly along the soft skin above on his groin. "Were I to allow myself to meld with you with your express permission, my purpose would be to establish a mutual link of our thoughts, our desires, of what we are to one another. Without demonstrating the process directly, I can think of no other way to describe it than an exchange of our very selves on the mental plane. "
A flush rose again to Jim's cheek, and he exhaled shakily. "Wow. That is seriously intense. And anytime there's a meld that's really, um, passionate, there's a strong chance a bond will form right away?"
"That is in fact not the case, though I can recognize where your confusion arose." Seeing as Jim did not object to his light touch, Spock humored himself by stroking along Jim's sides, lingering over the bumps of his ribs. "Such a powerful connection may take place once or indeed multiple times without establishing a bond. Vulcans strive to maintain some measure of logical distance and calm when melding with those who are not close family members or mates, and therefore, given a Vulcan's normal state, a bond is not inevitable."
"But you couldn't have done that during the pseudo Pon Farr, held back like you normally would."
Spock shook his head slowly. "At that moment, I already considered you mine. In my overexcited frame of mind, solidifying our natural like-mindedness through permanent joining seemed a technicality. Clearly, I made an immense presumption, and would have attempted an indefensible breach of your mental integrity as well as your emotions."
Jim glanced away, his lips pressed slightly together. As he did so, his hand brushed down Spock's arm and fell to the mattress. He sat without speaking, gaze still cast down, for several minutes.
At first Spock held still, mentally noting the passage of seconds to give his mind a point of focus. His erection had softened as they continued to speak, as had Jim's. But they had remained in their intimate positions throughout, Spock straddling Jim, his hands curled around Jim's sides. Now, however, he waited for Jim to realize the severity of Spock's offence and act out his resulting unease, pulling away or shoving Spock aside.
Yet after a few additional seconds passed, Jim merely began to comb his fingers through Spock's hair once again, a thoughtful look on his face.
Utterly naked, conscious of the weight of his body against Jim's frame, deliberately laying his lamentable transgressions before Jim -- Spock could think of no additional way to make himself more vulnerable. Yet at the same time this close contact with Jim -- particularly with Jim's affectionate touch, now transmuted into a light massage against the side of Spock's head -- also threatened to break down Spock's resolve that they must fully confront this serious matter.
Clearing his throat, Spock moved off, shifting so that instead of remaining hovering over Jim, they were repositioned side-by-side on the bed.
Jim turned toward him without complaint, his expression still contemplative. Spock mirrored him, rolling on his side to face Jim.
"It occurs to me I should broaden your consideration of my trespass by supplying greater perspective regarding my inappropriate intentions," Spock said hoarsely. "Jim, what I did would be considered unforgivable on my planet. Further --"
"But you didn't do it," Jim said simply. He glided his palm down Spock's side, resting it where Spock's heart beat strongest.
Hesitantly, Spock met his gaze. "Jim, you do not fully comprehend the gravity --"
"No, I think I've got it, actually," Jim said. "You might have done something really intrusive, but you didn't, okay? And obviously you weren't in your right mind when you thought it was the best idea ever." As he went on, his voice filled with resolve. "I mean, even right now you look horrified at the idea, or as horrified looking as a Vulcan can get. I'm not in danger of you trying that without asking me now, am I?"
"Were we to meld at this moment," Spock began. He stopped, collecting himself with some difficulty. Raising the possibility of melding with Jim and knowing he must subsequently deny himself sent an ache through his chest. "If we melded," he continued gruffly, "I would not initiate a bond between us. Nor would I ever do so until I was convinced you fully understood and completely accepted that level of intimacy and commitment."
"Okay," Jim nodded, appearing satisfied. A moment later he smiled at Spock and said, "So let's do it. Meld, I mean."
Spock nearly reeled backwards, so surprised was he by this unexpected and confident pronouncement. He composed himself and said slowly, "Though I would welcome with all that I am the chance to meld with you in the future, this may not be the opportune time."
"Seems like the right time to me," Jim argued. Though he shrugged as if his opposing position was merely a casual stance, stubborn determination glimmered in his eyes. "If we really want to explore this potential connection between us, isn't this a good way to start?"
"I do not know if your logic is sound," Spock murmured. He placed his hand flat on Jim's chest, though whether to hinder his advancement closer to Jim or keep them in close proximity he could not immediately discern. But no, already he could feel himself leaning in. His fingers began to twitch an infinitesimal amount, as though his body had already agreed to initiate this coveted connection no matter Spock's reasoning against it.
"I trust you," Jim said. His eyes were warm as he covered Spock's hand over his heart with his own.
"Perhaps you should not," Spock reasoned weakly. "I have, though in part unwittingly, concealed things from you. Additionally, I have repeatedly refused your efforts to begin a recognized romance between us beyond our erotic encounters. You yourself only hours ago expressed concern regarding my sudden change from hindering our emotional familiarity to striving to strengthen our relationship. Why should you trust me now?"
"Call it a hunch," Jim said. He squeezed Spock's hand, a quick gesture of comfort.
"I must remind you that in the past, you have embraced risks too readily," Spock offered as one last point of resistance. After all, he could not help but recollect some of Jim's Starfleet file materials mentioning his youthful foolhardy escapades. "One might contend you, of all people, should not rush headlong toward potential jeopardy again."
"Me of all people, huh?" Jim smiled to himself as he stroked along Spock's hand, rubbing the web of skin between his fingers gently. "Well, maybe it's not how other people do things, but it's always gotten me where I need to go." He met Spock's eyes, his own gaze clear and resolved. "I want to try this."
"I cannot resist much longer," Spock murmured.
"So don't," Jim countered.
"Very well." Excitement began to ratchet up through his system. He lifted his hand, hovering in midair for a second, and slid his fingertips into place. The mere touch enabled him to feel the jump of Jim's pulse, the minute increase in his body heat, the flicker of energy hinting at Jim's alluringly vibrant mind.
Jim closed his eyes, his face muscles tensed, his heartbeat quickening.
"My mind to your mind," Spock murmured. "My thoughts to your thoughts --"
Joining their minds -- the configurations of Jim's thoughts overlaying his own -- the intuitiveness of Jim wordlessly rushing to Spock with surprise and delight -- the sensation of effusive joy that they were for this moment in time, one -- it was like finding intricate patterns in star systems as Spock gazed at the night sky by himself as a small child; like discovering the awe-inspiring beauty of the Fibonacci sequence as a lonely young student; like realizing on the setting out of his first starship voyage that he would soon touch ground on a multitude of worlds.
And throughout the meld, Jim's bright, enticing emotions and thoughts saturated Spock's mental landscape -- their sudden presence dizzying, marvelous, somehow both utterly foreign and beautifully familiar. The rush of feelings he sent to Jim in reply felt welcomed, cherished, and he let his heart unfurl like tight petals fanning out in the sun's light.
They clung to one another, both in the meld and out of it: he felt Jim's lips against his, the deep fierce kiss they had moved into almost as soon as their mental connection truly established itself.
Soon Spock ended up above Jim and they surged together with renewed arousal, striving to connect their bodies as their minds enfolded.
"Spock," Jim gasped, and the passion in his cry roused Spock to surface consciousness. Half in a blissful fog, he carefully pulled back from the meld to regard his partner.
Jim was flushed pink, his hair tugged into disarray, his lips red with kisses that had involved ardent biting. The color on his cheeks once again swept over his toned form, and the engaging hue made Spock wish immediately to trace it thoroughly with his hands and tongue.
Jim panted as he caught Spock about the neck with loosely clasped hands. "That? Was seriously awesome. Give me like two seconds and then let's go again," he said, half plea and half command.
Happiness rushed through Spock with such force that he could not contain its expression. He offered Jim a small smile.
"Hey," Jim said softly, relaxing against the pillow and smiling back. "You should do that all the time."
"It is highly doubtful I will," Spock replied at once, though he affectionately kissed the tips of Jim's fingertips when they traced the upward curve of his lips.
Jim grinned. "Well, even if you won't, can I just say I'm seriously honored that I'm probably one of the few people who's gotten to see it?"
"You may," Spock said archly, smiling again when Jim laughed aloud. He caught Jim's hand and brushed his lips reverently across the knuckles.
"So," Jim said, obviously attempting to parody of one of Spock's inquisitive expressions when he arched an eyebrow in question. "Ever meld with a guy and sex him up at the same time?"
"I have not," Spock admitted.
"Oh, good; me neither," Jim said with a wink.
"You are irrepressible," Spock said. Though he made his voice stern, he doubted he had succeeded at hiding his relish for this playfulness.
"Come on. You like me that way."
"Conceding that seems inadvisable."
"Spock. Don't deny you want to try it too," Jim wheedled. He wriggled slightly to emphasize his resumed arousal.
Spock sat back on his heels between Jim's spread legs and loosely cupped Jim's tight scrotal sac in his palm, enjoying the emanation of heat. He rolled his hand lightly, watching Jim twist eagerly at the touch. When he lightly caressed the soft skin further back, Jim helplessly rolled his hips up and made an impatient noise.
Spock leaned forward so he could nuzzle Jim's temple. "How do you wish for me to take you?" he inquired in a low whisper.
"Fuck, just when I thought it couldn't get any hotter," Jim murmured, his pelvis jerking forward.
"On the bed with your legs splayed, writhing below me?" Spock reached down to stroke along the inside of Jim's thigh, avidly watching Jim tremble. "Your back braced against the wall, as in our first erotic encounter when I supported your weight almost entirely?" He trailed his fingers up and lightly massaged the soft skin and coarse bronze hair at the base of Jim's cock. "Or would you prefer to be on your hands and knees, rocking forward as I drive into you and grasp your hips to bolster my thrusts?"
Jim gaped. "All of that sounds really, really good," he croaked out after a pause. "I vote, uh, stay here on the bed, and let's just see what happens."
Spock nodded in acquiescence before he flipped Jim onto his side and slid into place behind him.
"Or this, which didn't even make the list," Jim said, sounding amused.
"It is quite reasonable to conduct our copulation from this position. I find all perspectives of you pleasing, but I have had fewer occasions to appreciate your back and gluteal muscles, and so wish to avail myself of the opportunity now," Spock obliged his current impulse with a few firm strokes over the forenamed parts before he squeezed the appealingly plump buttocks. "Additionally, this position provides access to your psi points, readily reached even during vigorous coitus."
Jim snorted even as he pressed backward against Spock's stiff cock. "I have no idea how you make half the things you say sound sexy, but right on, let's try it out."
Spock reached over Jim's torso to obtain the container of lubricant and the scattered condoms. When he drew back with the packets in his grasp, Jim halted him with a light stroke along Spock's forefinger.
"Jim? Are you still amenable?" Spock asked. He drew back somewhat to provide space between them.
"Like a thousand percent amenable." Jim reached behind himself to clasp Spock's hip in a reassuring grip. "It's just -- I know you probably just got tested every which way when they were trying to figure out what was going on with you. So what do you say, maybe before we do this next time I'll swing by Medical myself, just make sure everything checks out for me? That way we won't have to use one of these again."
For a moment Spock nosed at the back of Jim's neck, inhaling deeply. "Yes," he whispered. "That would please me greatly." Certainly he knew that he must give Jim time to consider deepening their tie, but he could not quash the bursts of hope that went through him at every sign they were gaining greater closeness. "I will of course verify that I myself have been appropriately tested."
"Good. Because I want to feel you, all of you," Jim said in a low voice. He squeezed Spock's hip harder.
The pressure brought Spock flush against Jim's warm skin again, and he mouthed roughly along Jim's neck, gazing with satisfaction at the mark his teeth made a moment later. "I am entirely in agreement," Spock answered earnestly, even as he hurriedly undid the lubricant cap.
Jim looked over his shoulder, grinning, though when Spock slid a slicked finger down to tease at his sensitive rim, his lips parted and his eyes fluttered closed.
"You greatly enjoy this portion of the proceedings," Spock said with satisfaction several moments later as Jim's hips worked fitfully to increase the speed and depth of Spock's fingers gliding in and out.
"Well, okay, obviously, but you don't have to act so smug about it," Jim said. He braced one palm against the mattress to support his counter-movements.
"I am merely stating facts," Spock said.
He took his time in order to prove his point, penetrating Jim with plenty of lubrication, enjoying the way Jim began to bite his lip and stroke his own body, fingers trailing over his throat and caressing down his chest.
When Jim finally snaked a hand down to curl around his erection, Spock nipped at his earlobe. "Did I instruct you that you could touch yourself already?"
Jim groaned as if greatly put out. "Seriously?" But despite his petulant response, he lifted his hand, wriggling the fingers in the air to demonstrate his compliance. When Spock skillfully twisted two fingers inside him, however, he abandoned his overly-exaggerated gesture, seizing a portion of the bedclothes in his fist and letting out an excited cry.
Spock obviously intended to proceed to the next stage of their erotic encounter. Yet for the moment he found himself entirely engrossed in observing every shiver of Jim's gorgeous body, in absorbing every appealing noise Jim made. Entirely captivated, he watched greedily for cues and made slight modifications, adjusting his angle and degree of penetration to coax out increasingly desperate reactions while with his free hand he soothingly caressed the flexing curve of Jim's buttocks.
Eventually Jim's sounds became more and more frantic. "Spock! How about you get inside me already?"
"I believe I am." Spock twisted his fingers carefully, earning himself a gasp.
"You know what I mean," Jim snapped, his voice shaky as he pushed back.
"What if I wish to see you achieve pleasure from this act alone?" Spock asked in as solemn a tone as he could manage.
"Okay, but remember we said we were going to fuck and meld," Jim said, irritation beginning to seep through the arousal in his voice.
"I am certain I never uttered those precise words. Still, I will do my best to accommodate you." At that Spock removed his fingers, wiping his hand on the top blanket. But when Jim moaned, "Finally," instead of immediately penetrating him as Jim clearly desired, Spock spread Jim's buttocks so that he could press his cock in the cleft between them.
He grunted as he slid his erection along the path already slippery from the lubrication, the head of his cock rocking forward as if aiming at the dimples above Jim's backside.
"You are the biggest tease," Jim complained. His hand moved restlessly over his chest, thumbing over his hard nipples in time with Spock's stuttering thrusts.
"Surely this orientation of our bodies will suffice for an act of intimacy that is both physical and mental in nature." Spock leaned back somewhat, his hand gripping Jim's shoulder, so that he might more fully observe his olive flushed erection juddering forward and back between those highly attractive curves.
"Ah, fuck," Jim panted. He drew his top leg up slightly and angled forward so that he might achieve some measure of friction against the mattress. "This is totally -- cheating -- unhh --" He managed several inelegant thrusts in his awkward position, huffing along with his desperate moves, before Spock pulled him back to his chest.
"I believe you are obeying the letter but not the spirit of the law," Spock pointed out. He ignored Jim's squawk of indignation, gathering him tightly to prevent him from seeking direct stimulus.
"Yeah, well, look who's talking, mister spirit of the law yourself," Jim shot back. "What do you want me to do, beg? Because you've got me way too worked up for that right now! So come on and fuck me, would you?"
"At times you are very demanding," Spock told him. But any further delay was merely pretense; despite the surprisingly gratifying experience of tormenting Jim with denied pleasure, Spock could no longer postpone fulfilling his own need. He quickly retrieved a condom from its packet to unroll along his erection.
"Oh, yeah," Jim breathed out when Spock at last slowly entered him. "That's so good, unh -- " He drew his leg up higher, gripping behind his knee, and whimpered. When Spock re-angled and began plunging inside him steadily, Jim's approving words rapidly devolved into needy inarticulate cries.
Part of Spock focused closely on Jim's fretful stimulated noises, on what he could glimpse of the feverish expressions flickering over his marvelously animated face as their bodies moved in tandem. Much of his available concentration, however, found absorption in the enticing tightness of Jim's body and the feel of their muscles working together to attain greater heights of exhilaration. He quickly helped hold Jim's upper thigh to improve his access and give them both the most satisfying angle.
"Now you may touch yourself," Spock told Jim.
"Big of you," Jim muttered before he quickly fisted his hand around his cock. But soon he faltered in his rhythm. "This is -- I love the feel of you fucking me from behind, but I can't --" Jim blurted, frustrated as he tried to tug his cock and maintain the position they had adopted.
"Allow me," Spock said solicitously. He embraced Jim tightly and used his thigh muscles to roll them into a kneeling position, one behind the other, himself still inserted and driving into Jim. With Jim's legs now astride Spock's, Jim effectively gained the power to control the approach and speed of penetration.
"Spock, oh my god, fuck me, fuck -- you feel amazing," Jim cried out. He reached one hand over his shoulder to clutch blindly at Spock's hair as he rose up and dropped down on Spock's member.
"You are perfection itself," Spock said, his voice rumbling so low he could not say for certain whether Jim heard him. He kept his left hand on Jim's side, letting the motion turn the hold into quick strokes as he repeatedly jolted his hips up in counterpoint whenever Jim sank down.
They reached for Jim's cock at the same time, entwining their fingers to pull at the hard length together. They maintained the tempo for several strokes before Jim made a sound of pure agitation, his body beginning to tense in ecstasy.
Spock quickly let go of Jim's erection to free his hand. "Now?" he panted in Jim's ear, adjusting his fingers into place against Jim's temple.
"Now, now, now," Jim exclaimed, his hand working his cock to match Spock's rhythm.
Spock swiftly intoned the customary words; their minds immediately joined.
The rush was heady, the frantic pace in pursuit of pleasure on the physical plane now mirrored and intensified with thoughts and desires and sensations intermingling in a breathtaking fusion. And just beyond Spock's reach, there for the taking if he only made the slightest effort, he could sense the strands of their separate selves, ready to interweave and strengthen.
He wrapped his free arm around Jim's chest, holding him as close as he dared. Ashal-veh," he choked out; his fingers itched to trace the endearment in Golic on Jim's skin, to see it inked there permanently.
"Spock," Jim gasped out, his body tightening around Spock as his orgasm overtook him.
Spock gave a wordless cry as he too let slip his control, giving them both over to the exhilaration.
They shuddered together with pleasure, heavy breaths evening out and matching one another's. Spock snapped his hips up in the final release even as Jim slumped back breathlessly against him.
A moment later they fell to their sides against the mattress, still connected.
Spock allowed himself one last indulgent moment to drift along with Jim in the intertwined meld. His fierce joy met and mixed with Jim's sleepy affection, the two heightened impulses tempering gradually into a marvelous contentment pervading them both. Too long in this state bore risks of a bond forming even if Spock took great care not to allow it, but the sensations proved hard to relinquish.
At last he drew back, a bittersweet ache filling him at the prospect of pulling away. Under cover of pressing kisses to Jim's shoulder, he mouthed the word Mine, ignoring the part of him that whispered the reminder, Not wholly -- not yet.
"Mrrph," Jim said incoherently. He shivered, hanging on to Spock's arm encircling him.
"Remain here." Spock kissed Jim's temple before making quick work of disposing of the condom. In the bathroom, he quickly washed himself in a rudimentary fashion before he located a soft cloth and wet it with warm water.
When he returned, Jim yawned and stretched, blue eyes blinking up at Spock, his skin rosy and still heated to the touch. He was nothing less than lovely, sprawled there awaiting Spock's arrival. Spock's heart thumped hard in his side to think of the possibility of Jim in his bed to greet him not just now but regularly, even daily, perhaps even for the rest of their lives.
Spock presumably offered a rational justification for cleaning Jim off himself rather than handing the cloth over, for though he did not recollect his precise words later, Jim gave him a lopsided grin and allowed Spock to commence. He murmured agreeably as Spock moved him this way and that, his limbs seeming heavier with satiation.
Having completed his task, Spock drew down the blankets and joined Jim in slipping underneath them.
Before long they arranged themselves by mutual, though silent, consent, Spock resting on his back, Jim half-draped over Spock's chest.
"So. That wasn't it, was it?" Jim asked after a few moments had passed without remark.
Spock paused in the act of smoothing Jim's tousled hair. "Explain."
Jim snorted as if amused, but he immediately elaborated. "That wasn't -- we didn't bond just now. Did we? Because it felt pretty powerful at the end there." He moved to rest his chin on his folded arms atop Spock's chest, watching Spock carefully.
Spock shook his head quickly to assuage Jim's concerns. "Though you are correct that the joining we experienced was very potent, we are not bonded at this point."
"Oh." To Spock's surprise, Jim appeared disappointed instead of relieved.
"I had thought when you proposed we attempt the meld that one of the deciding factors for you was my assurance that I would take particular care not to establish a bond between us," Spock began, somewhat baffled at Jim's reaction.
"No, you're totally right." Jim shrugged, his eyes cast down as if he had dedicated himself to studying Spock's pectoral muscles closely.
A wild thought rose in Spock's mind; he struggled to contain the answering elation it invariably engendered. He wished to speak clearly and ascertain Jim's reaction to their situation accurately, and he could not do so if he allowed euphoria to sweep through him.
"You perhaps hoped we would find ourselves spontaneously bonded?" he managed to ask Jim calmly.
"I guess I'm liking the idea way more than I thought I would." Jim met Spock's gaze again. "I felt how incredible it was, being connected to you, that amazing way our minds met, and I --"
He paused for a moment. Spock forced himself to wait patiently rather than again suggesting an interpretation of Jim's thinking.
"I didn't want to lose it," Jim finished at last. "I didn't want to lose the chance to have --" He shook his head, apparently unable to continue. With a shaky breath, he looked to the side, as if he could not trust himself to regard Spock directly at the moment.
"You will not lose the chance," Spock told him. "My regard for you remains undiminished."
"So you would still want to, probably, somewhere down the line," Jim said. He had regained some control over himself, but Spock could recognize at once the hints of hesitation and vulnerability that seemed to color so much of Jim's outwardly boisterous reactions.
Spock squeezed the nape of Jim's neck before he gently massaged the slight tension that had stiffened Jim's shoulders. "Having known my mind, as you now have, do you still not understand that I desire to have you fully, all that you are, joined with everything that I am?"
"I get it, yeah, just --" Jim glanced down again. "Maybe it's stupid to worry you might have changed your mind because you just saw 'all that I am.' But I mean, I wouldn't blame you if you did think twice." He looked up again, managing a tremulous smile.
"That is not the case," Spock told him. "Connecting to you only affirmed my determination to gain whatever intimacies you will grant me."
Jim's tongue darted out nervously, wetting his lips. "Okay. Yeah. I hear what you're saying, and I know -- I shouldn't think that any more. It's hard to doubt where you're coming from, after how we came together, when I can feel how much you --" He looked up, startled into silence at whatever had occurred to him, his cheeks flushing.
Spock reached out and cradled Jim's jaw. "When you can feel how much I cherish you?"
Jim's eyes shone as he gave a single nod.
When Spock tugged him forward tenderly, Jim went without reservation, flinging himself forward with such gusto that Spock, who generally found human force easy to manage, briefly felt the air expelled from his lungs. Spock bore it without complaint; indeed, he could only welcome this act, however briefly uncomfortable it felt, as additional evidence that Jim dearly wished for the same closeness Spock himself desired.
"I still need a little while, I think," Jim said some time later, his voice muffled against Spock's chest.
"Before you might agree to bond," Spock supplied. He rubbed Jim's shoulder and smoothed his hand along his upper back, pleased with the feel of soft warm skin under his palm. "I will not rush your decision. I am content to have you here like this." With the possibility of more to come, his mind supplied, but he did not voice this addition.
"Mmm. That's probably good, because I don't think I want to move ever," Jim said, his voice sleepy and soft. He rubbed his cheek against Spock's chest hair and settled against Spock more heavily.
"Though I imagine you will soon change your opinion about your prospects for future mobility, if you were to share these quarters with me, you would not have to depart from the immediate area at any time, unless of course you had duties to attend to or you wished to," Spock said.
Despite just stating he didn't want to move, Jim at once half-rose to face Spock, mouth agape. "Are you asking me to move in with you right now?"
"I am technically merely introducing the subject," Spock said. "I have not made a specific proposal, and thus I do not require an answer from you at this time."
Jim stared at him for a few moments. Then he laughed aloud. "Okay. It's a little soon, but hey. I suppose we blasted right past the explore-the-relationship-stage with the mind meld, anyway." He glanced about himself, as though reassessing his environment in light of this new turn in the conversation. "You ever live with anyone else?" he ventured.
Spock shook his head slowly. "Other than family members, no. Though the topic has arisen in brief relationships in the past, I have never had the desire to merge households with a romantic partner."
"I guess if we did bond down the road, we'd live together then anyway," Jim said to himself.
"Obviously," Spock said.
Jim pressed his lips together, looking like he was trying not to grin. "Bones would totally kill me."
"He would not," Spock objected, glaring even though Jim had clearly employed a human figure of speech.
Jim looked down, lightly tracing Spock's musculature along his torso. Though there was no direct indication of his agreement, Spock felt a pleasant hum in his system at Jim's posture and expression, for he seemed to only defer the decision rather than reject it outright.
"Though I attach no particular urgency to your arrival at a final decision regarding this matter, I should note that such an arrangement would bring advantages to us both," Spock added helpfully. "By sharing an apartment, we would eliminate transportation delays in seeing one another during our leisure time, thereby gaining extra hours for you to devote to your studies or for me to attend to my teaching obligations."
Jim nodded solemnly, though his eyes held a mischievous spark. "That probably is true."
"Additionally, having a supportive partner in your home environment would no doubt also be of benefit, bolstering your emotional well-being. With greater happiness in your private life, you could pursue your studies and Starfleet career goals with greater concentration and confidence."
"Yeah?" Jim asked, smiling crookedly.
"Indeed. And regular attendance to your sensual needs, as I would of course supply with great enthusiasm as your partner, would allow you to work through your erotic energies with pleasure. Furthermore, such restorative activities would permit you to focus your other attentions on crucial matters, ensuring your advancement, and overall level of personal satisfaction."
Jim laughed. "Can't argue with that. Move in, have regular sex, totally logical."
"It is quite rational to make accommodation for such an outlet in your day-to-day life," Spock assured him.
"Well, we should always try to be rational," Jim said, clearly amused.
"Always," Spock echoed readily.
"Still, it's kind of a big step. I should probably think about it before we decide anything." Jim looked away, but his eyes darted back to Spock before they again focused on some point across the room.
"I understand you must process the decision fully." Spock stilled for a moment, and then began to pull away. He did not wish to vacate the bed at this moment, but if Jim needed time and space to consider, he would supply it in whatever quantities required.
"Hey," Jim objected, grabbing Spock's wrist so that he could not depart. "I should think about it, clearly, but you know, I'm open to you convincing me while I think about it. Logically," he added, scooting closer to Spock, adding, "with lots of logical hot sex."
"I would find such a task highly pleasurable," Spock agreed, immediately beginning to kiss his way down Jim's chest, and nuzzling his abdomen as Jim laughed.
*~* the end *~*