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The Major stepped out of the bathroom freshly showered and dressed in his BDU’s and headed towards the Mess. His first night on the Normandy was a bit restless, there was so much racing through his mind and he had a difficult time turning it off. He thought about the war, his students, his parents, and his relationship with Amelia. Maybe he would ask Chakwas if a sedative would help him after breakfast.
James greeted Kaidan warmly from behind the counter when he entered. “Mornin’, Blue!”
Stopping in his tracks he gave the beefy marine a quizzical look. “Did you just call me ‘Blue’?
“Yeah.” Came the nonchalant reply, as if calling someone something other than their given name was the norm. “It fits you.”
Kaidan raised an eyebrow. “Is that because I’m a biotic or because I wear blue armor or-“
“Maybe both.” James informed him with a shrug as he helped Adams lay out the breakfast items for the morning. “That and you seem so serious all the time. Here, grab a breakfast burrito. The ones marked in green are for vegans and vegetarians, and the ones in red are more calorically dense for biotics…which is just, you know, you and the Commander.”
“Coffee just finished brewing, Major.” Adams gestured to the coffee pot behind him. “Help yourself.”
“Thanks, Adams.” He poured himself a cup of the dark liquid sanity and reached for a warmly wrapped burrito not even caring what it was made of because he was so hungry.
“Oh, Blue, you play poker?”
“Yeah, I played with the other officers at the barracks to pass the time.” Kaidan confirmed with a wry smile as James moved to grab himself a cup of coffee.
“Good, because tonight’s poker night and I could use a fresh victim.”
“You’re that confident, eh, Vega?”
“His confidence knows no bounds.” Joker grumbled while he gingerly limped into view.
Kaidan stiffened a bit as the helmsman went by to get his food but he tried to shake off the feeling of animosity that he unconsciously held against him. “You say that like you’ve been the victim too many times.”
“I have! Oooo, burritos.” His grumble turned to delight on the turn of a dime and he eagerly grabbed one that was marked in green.
“I didn’t know you were a vegetarian, Joker.” Adams remarked.
“I’m not, I just don’t like vat grown meat. I want the real stuff.”
“C’mon, it tastes the same…mostly.” James said.
“No, it doesn’t. Not even close. Besides, Chakwas says I need more fiber in my diet.”
“So, anyway, poker tonight at the Port Side Lounge at 2100 tonight.” He said pointing a thick finger at Kaidan. “You, me, Joker, and Esteban. It’ll be fun.”
Blinking, Kaidan asked, “Who’s Esteban?”
“Cortez.” Joker informed him as he took his coffee and fiber filled burrito back up to the bridge.
“You gotta nickname for everyone?”
James’ face broke into a grin that would have put the Cheshire cat to shame. “Yup.”
He could feel her before he even saw her, and her biotic energy hummed violently below the surface forcing him to fight his own nodes from reacting to her presence.
Amelia greeted them pleasantly before walking straight to the coffee pot where she did her ritual of chugging her first cup black before pouring a second tainted with artificial cream and sweetener. Despite her voltaic presence, Kaidan’s stomach fluttered when he saw her.
“James, I think that I’ll want you and Kaidan on ground team when we arrive on Gellix.”
“Aye, ma’am. I’ll make sure that we’re stocked on thermal clips. What’s our ETA?”
She pulled up her omni-tool. “Uh, a good while. Fourteen hours, but we don’t know exactly what we’ll find when we get there, so I wanna be prepared.”
“Alright, we’ll need to push poker night to tomorrow.”
Kaidan straightened. “What’s on Gellix?”
“Trainor thinks that she may have found some Cerberus defectors. We’re going to investigate and assist if necessary.”
His skin prickled at the sound of Cerberus. And were they really defectors or were they being lured into a trap? Gotta trust her. He reiterated to himself silently.
Watching as she grabbed a red marked burrito, Kaidan slid up to her and whispered, “Amelia, you’re humming.”
She twitched her brows at him, not understanding what he meant.
“Biotically, I mean. You’re making my teeth tingle.”
Flushing, she averted her gaze and rubbed the back of her neck. “I’m sorry…uh, it’s the…uh…”
When he raised an eyebrow at her, she cocked her head and motioned for him to follow her into the Starboard Lounge.
“I’m sorry.” The Commander sighed again as she placed her coffee cup on a nearby table. “They gave me an L5X implant and sometimes I wake up with excess built-up biotic energy. It’s not bothered any of the other biotics who served with me while on the Collector Base mission, but your L2 implant may be more sensitive than theirs.”
He sat on the edge of the couch observing her embarrassment. “Have you tried release exercises?”
Dumbfoundedly, she said, “You’ve got me there, I don’t know what those are. Is that something you learned from BAat?”
“Yeah, they promote a healthy way to release biotic energy without hurting anyone or anything around you. I can teach you if you’d like.”
“I’d appreciate that. Thanks. Will you have time after breakfast?”
“For you, absolutely.”
Her blush made him smile. “C’mon, let’s eat in here away from the hustle and bustle of the Mess.”
Moving to the front of the couch, he plopped himself down and patted his hand on the space next to him which she occupied a moment later.
“Adams makes good breakfast burritos.” She informed him as she unwrapped hers and took a big bite. “They’re convenient because the crew can easily grab and eat on the go.”
“It’s good to be back on a ship. I’ve missed it.”
Glancing over at him she asked, “You’ve not been station on a ship since...”
She didn’t have to finish the sentence. “No. After what happened to the SR-1, I was promoted and sent to N4 training before being assigned to Alliance Intel under Anderson.”
“How are things between you and Joker?”
Kaidan couldn’t help but inwardly grimace at the mention of his name, he still had a ways to go when it came to forgiving him. “Things are tense but we’re both trying. I think with more time and some effort on both of our parts we’ll be able to repair our friendship.”
“He told me that you defended him at his inquiry.”
Adjusting in his seat he grumbled, “The only reason I defended him is because he kept us a secret and I felt that I owed him. I was very angry at him, part of me still is.”
He could see her shift a bit, uncomfortable talking about events surrounding her death. It had to be weird for her hearing about the things that happened after the SR-1 went down. “Losing you was difficult, and not just for me.”
With downcast eyes she whispered, “I’m sorry.”
He took her hand. “There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. It wasn’t your fault. We all know the risks when we enlist. And you did the right thing in trying to get everyone off, any good captain would have done the same.”
“It’s hard hearing about people grieving over you. Though the whole process of reacquainting myself with a new reality was even harder.” The despondency in her voice was thick and he sat patiently listening as she continued. “It was two years for you but it only felt like moments for me. In moments I lost everything that I had; my possessions, my career...you.”
“I can’t imagine what you went through when you woke up. It must have been terrible.”
Her eyes locked with his. “It was. But-” She shrugged. “-what’s done is done. We’re both here now and that’s what’s important.”
“I didn’t have a chance to tell you that I’m sorry about Thane. I know that you were close to him.”
Amelia gave a rueful bob of her head. “Yeah, he was a very good friend and I miss him. But he died a good honorable death and he was happy at the end of his life especially since he reconciled with his son. He’s with his wife now.”
Kaidan hesitated a moment while she took a sip of her coffee. “I experienced him recalling one of his memories with you. When you told him that you were in love with someone else.”
Her mouth dropped open but she recovered quickly. “Those drell memories can really come out of nowhere, eh?” Smiling at her feeble attempt at a joke she somberly continued, “He and I were both in a lot of pain and when I realized that our friendship was starting to turn into something more...well, I had to force myself to be honest with him. You were always in the back of my mind and I still had hope for us. I didn’t feel that it would be right to use Thane for...comfort while I was still in love with you. I’m not that kind of woman.”
Hearing her speak of her devotion to him made a tsunami of emotions thrum through his veins; love, hope, guilt. He didn’t deserve her one bit after he turned his back on her on Horizon. How in the world was he lucky enough to have a woman as beautiful and tender as Amelia fall in love with him? Garrus was right, Kaidan would be stupid to allow her to slip through his fingers again.
He gave her hand a slight squeeze and brushed his thumb over the top. “Why didn’t you respond to my message?”
“I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to.” She confessed with a shaky breath. “That and I was on a very sensitive mission where a lot of lives depended on me, I couldn’t afford the distraction and had to push you- or, us really, from my mind. From the second I woke up to the second I forced myself to sleep, I threw myself into work. I’m sorry that I didn’t respond, but I want to let you know that your message hurt yet gave me hope at the same time. I mean, of course I remember our night before Ilos, Kaidan, and it was just as special to me as it was to you.”
“I know that now.” He insisted. “I had a lot of emotions running through me when I wrote that. I was confused and maybe a tad drunk.”
“I, uh, was a bit surprised when I learned that you weren’t with anyone.” Amelia admitted bashfully. “I thought that you would have moved on. I mean, I was gone for so long.”
Kaidan adjusted himself so that he could look at her better. “I was starting to. I knew that you wouldn’t want me to grieve forever. But things were a bit complicated, and I had a really hard time letting you go.”
“What was her name?” Amelia asked. She had wondered about the woman he mentioned in his letter for months.
He gave her a puzzled expression. “Who?”
“The doctor that you had drinks with.”
“Oh, uh-” He scratched an invisible itch on his cheek, trying not to be uncomfortable with the question. “His name was Frederick.”
Her eyebrows raised and her mouth dropped as she parsed what he said. “Oh!” She exclaimed a bit louder than what she intended to. A blush darkened her cheeks and she shifted in her seat again as she stuttered. “I...uh...I didn’t. Ahem, I didn’t know that about you...that you preferred...I mean-”
Cupping her hand with his so that she would look straight into his eyes, he steadily declared, “I’m bisexual, Amelia. I play for both teams and I don’t really prefer one over the other, though I have been in more relationships with women than I have with men. It was a subject that just never came up between us, you were ripped away from me so quickly.”
She huffed with a forced grin. “You were always full of surprises.”
“I’ve always been a private person.” He shrugged in concession. “Does that bother you?”
“No.” She replied a little too quickly. In actuality, ‘bother’ was not the right word, but a certain form of insecurity seeped in as something that she never revealed to Kaidan sprang to her mind.
He sensed a shift in her energy and saw the change in her body language. “You know, if I recall, honesty was one of our rules.”
“I’m not bothered. I just all of a sudden feel like I have more competition.” She hung her head. “I know that’s stupid.”
Unable to stop himself, Kaidan wrapped his arm around her a pulled her close. She didn’t resist. Instead, she naturally settled right in beside him, almost like they hadn’t spent the past three years apart. “There is absolutely no competition.” He murmured tucking her head under his chin. “No one can hold a candle to you, and even though I don’t deserve you, I’m not gonna let you go. I’m here for as long as you’ll have me.”
He felt warm, strong, and God, he still wore that spicy oak moss cologne that she loved. For the first time since that night before Alchera, she felt safe. “Mmmm...are you flirting with me?” She purred.
Chuckling, he replied, “I must be out of practice if you have to ask me.”