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Scarred Forever: A Tale of Wounds and Healing

Chapter 4: one handed and one legged (Prompt: Assumed Dead)

Summary:

This chapter goes with the prompt "Assumed Dead" for Feb 25, 2023.

Ed slowly comes back to reality from fever and considers what his life will be like in the next few months.

Notes:

This chapter was going to have so much more, and then I just kept adding things and it was coming to be 5k words so I had to split it up. I hope you enjoy! and sorry for the wait.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

It was two days before the infection started making its way out of his system, and Ed began making his way back to reality.

He woke that day tired, but somehow feeling better than he had in a while. There was a dull throb in his abdomen, and a general fatigue that always came after he got sick, but the headache, sore muscles, and lightheadedness were thankfully all gone.

He looked over as he heard the door opening, and saw a woman with blonde hair and friendly eyes enter the room. When their eyes met, hers immediately lit up and she rushed over, flattening a hand against his forehead.

"It broke!" she exclaimed as Ed weakly batted her hand away from his head "your fever broke!"

"W-who are you, l-lady?" Ed asked, annoyed that his voice was still so shaky. The woman's excited expression immediately fell, and she dropped down into the chair next to the bed.

"Ah," she said, "you were expecting Winry I assume."

"Winry?" Ed said hopefully. Then he remembered where Winry was right now, and what she'd had to do to get there. "I thought I'd seen her–"

"I'm afraid your mind may have been wandering for a few days," the woman explained, "my name is Ella, Dr. Neetling's apprentice. Is Winry your sister?"

"No– I– fuck, how long have I been here?"

Ed got his arm underneath him and began pushing himself up, but Ella easily held him down, the friendly demeanor quickly becoming stern. It was just as well, since Ed felt his stomach muscles rebel the second he tried to move. It left him gasping and reaching toward the wound in question. Ella kept a reassuring hand on his shoulder until he had calmed down.

"You're going to have to take it easy for a while," Ella said, "you just had major surgery, it's going to take a while until you're back to normal."

"I don't have a while!" Ed said, but he didn't try to get up again. If he knew anything about surgery, it was that you didn't recover overnight, however hard he tried. He sighed. "The doc said something about… my goons?"

Ella began bustling around the room collecting different instruments and pieces of equipment. "The two privates who brought you in are here." She said, bringing over a thermometer. "They've been helping the Doc with odd jobs around the clinic."

"Can I speak with them?" Ed asked, "alone?"

Ella held out the thermometer and Ed obediently opened his mouth to accept it. "I'll make a deal with you," she said, "if your temperature stays below 100 for the rest of the day, and you keep down your lunch, we should be able to arrange something tonight."

Ed grimaced. He had vague memories of being spoon fed some kind of broth, and then losing it all a short while later. The entire ordeal had been traumatic on his newly healed stomach, and he had no plans of a repeat.

"Deal," he muttered begrudgingly after Ella had removed the thermometer from his mouth. She nodded and then began checking his heartbeat and breathing with a stethoscope.

"Alright, I'm going to try to get you sitting up to eat," Ella said, "the movement will be good for you, and it will make eating easier too."

Ed groaned and shut his eyes. He hadn't been looking forward to this part, but he was hungry, and he wanted to talk with Darius and Heinkel and make a plan. That is, if they were still on his side.

"Alright, just let me do all the work. Dr. Neetling doesn't want you putting any strain on your abdominal muscles," Ella said as she got a pillow ready and gently slid a hand under his back.

Ella slowly lifted him off the bed and Ed grit his teeth as his stitches pulled, pain flared, and muscles he hadn't used in days were suddenly activated.

"Ahhh!" Ed gasped and his breath hitched. His hand flew out to protectively hold his stomach and he squeezed his eyes shut. His right arm tipped over the side of the bed, and Ed started tipping after it until Ella took the weight and righted him. He felt Ella placing pillows behind him and placed one on his lap for his arm to rest on, greatly decreasing the pressure on his shoulder.

"Try to relax your muscles. Breathe."

Ed leaned back into the pillows and focused on breathing. In and then out, until the panting had turned into more normal breathing.

"That's it," Ella said, "it will be easier next time, and the next."

Ed didn't say anything, too focused on the fact that they would have to do that all over again. The sudden pain in his stomach had not abated –the now sitting position he was in holding more strain on his stomach– but now that he was here, he felt more alert and awake.

"Rest for a minute, and I'll get you something to eat."

The light soup she brought for him was bland, but Ella let him feed himself, setting the bowl on a tray in front of him. 

While Ed kept the soup down easily enough, his body rebelled against him, and his temperature rose up to 100.6 degrees by that night. It was nowhere near the 103.4 that it had been the previous day, but it was enough to sideline Ed for the rest of the night.

"Thought... you said... broke–" Ed groaned, his voice weak and barely above a whisper. 

"Not completely," Ella said regretfully, "I'm sorry."

Ella wiped his face with a cool cloth, and Ed sighed, closing his eyes. He was tired of feeling weak. He knew his alchemic quick fix hadn't solved the slight issue of being impaled by a pole, but he at least had hoped to be out of the woods by now.

"Here, drink some water.”

"No... I... can't," harsh wheezy breaths punctuated Ed's words and he coughed at the effort.

“Honey, you need to stay hydrated,” Ella persisted. Ed sighed and accepted the glass she held to his lips.

He coughed as he choked down the water, but it helped soothe the sore throat.

“Try to get some sleep. The more rest you get, the faster you’ll kick this,” Ella said, bringing the blanket up to his chin. She pulled his hair out from under his neck and tied it up in a ponytail. Ed reveled at the feeling of his hair out of his face. He gently cradled his side with his arm and closed his eyes.


His fever had gone down completely during the night, and Ed felt better than he had in days. Sitting up for breakfast had caused him to close his eyes and breathe through the pain for a second, but as Ella had said, it was considerably better than the first time. He took his breakfast (mushy oatmeal) with no complaint, and lit up when Ella mentioned he could have a bath. The excitement was gone almost immediately when she said it would be a sponge bath, but after days of living covered in grime and sweat, Ed didn’t really know if he cared.

“You never answered me,” Ed said as Ella scrubbed a washcloth up his arm and around his shoulder. “How long has it been?”

Ed could practically feel the dirt rinsing away as she washed his neck and chest. Truth, it felt so good.

“Hmm,” Ella said, “they brought you in early Thursday morning. Today is Monday, so it’s been about four days,” she answered. “Do you think you’re up for getting your hair washed?”

Ed nodded, and Ella wrung out the washcloth. She emptied her basin of water and refilled it, coming to stand near his head. Ed tried to think of what could have happened in four days. Was anyone looking for him? 

Having clean hair was heaven. Ed had felt the sweaty stringy strands on his neck for too many days now. After Ella had shampooed and rinsed out his hair, she combed it and braided it. Ed had at first wondered how she’d known he usually wore it in a braid, but then he remembered that was how he’d been wearing it when he’d fought Kimblee.

“Can I talk to Darius and Heinkel now?” He asked. He wanted to know what was going on– think of a plan even if he had a few more weeks of healing to do.

“I think so,” Ella said. She collected her materials, then came over to help Ed sit up. Ed hissed when the incision site stung as it was agitated, but otherwise breathed through the ordeal. “You’ll have lunch afterwards ”

Ella went to get the chimeras, and Ed was left alone. A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door and Darius hesitantly stepped through, followed by Heinkel. They had changed out of their uniforms and were dressed in civilian clothes. Ed was somehow comforted though when he saw the service weapon on Darius’s hip. 

Ed just stared at them, and they stared back. He didn’t know what kind of terms he was on with them. They had saved his life, but only after he’d saved their’s.

“I guess I owe you a thanks,” Ed said, breaking the silence. Darius looked to Heinkel, who looked back.

“We were gonna say the same thing,” Heinkel said. “Properly that is. We didn’t really get a chance to before.”

“Right,” Ed said. “So… have you heard anything from our mutual friends?”

The two chimeras looked at one another, obviously as weirded out with the situation as Ed was.

“You’ve been assumed dead,” Heinkel spoke up, “Kimblee reported seeing you fall to your death when the mine collapsed.”

“Yeah, along with us,” Darius added, “Kimblee didn’t even try to find us.”

“No way we’re doing anything he says anymore.”

Ed could only stare in shock. The military was declaring him dead, and it was public news? How long before Mustang heard the rumor? Or Al? Al had to know he wasn’t dead though. As morbid as it was, Al’s suit of armor wouldn’t be able to survive without Ed.

“Are they looking for us then?” he asked.

“Most likely,” Darius said. Although he was in the shape of a human, Ed couldn’t help noticing the lion-like qualities coming through. “Once they clean up the whole mess of the mine, they’ll start coming to local clinics and hospitals. The Doc promised to keep our secret–”

“For a fee of course,” Heinkel added. Ed rolled his eyes.

“So it sounds like you guys are trying to hide just as much as I am,” Ed said cautiously.

The chimeras eyed each other again. Ed could tell they had already discussed what they wanted to do. 

“The way we see it, we get you healed up, and then the three of us stick together when we leave.” Darius said.

“Yeah, we have no where better to go. As long as you're not going to turn us in as soon as you're out of here...”

Ed shook his head seriously. "After what you did for me, and sticking around now, I won't turn you in," he said.  All three looked over then as Ella came through the door.

“Alright, boys, it’s time for Ed to have lunch” she said. She was carrying a tray under one arm, and a bowl in her hand which Ed assumed was soup. “There are some sandwiches in the kitchen if you two want any.”

“You made ‘em right? Not the Doc?” Heinkel asked. Ella huffed as she set the tray down over Ed’s lap. “Doctor Neetling’s chicken cordon blue is healthy for you. You really should have given it a chance.”

She set the bowl down on the tray and handed Ed a spoon. Ed glanced in at the broth and fought himself from making a face.

“Can I have a sandwich?” He asked, knowing the answer as soon as he asked it. Ella sighed and gave him a sad smile.

“While I’m glad your appetite is coming back, your stomach can’t handle solid foods yet,” Ella said. She shooed the chimeras out of the room and took Heinkel’s seat at Ed’s bedside. Ed spooned some broth into his mouth and was pleasantly surprised when it actually carried some taste.

“When can I get my automail reconnected?” Ed asked between sips. While he’d become ambidextrous by principal, he was still used to using his right hand. Also, while he much preferred having the prosthetics attached, it was disconcerting not having them connected.

“That’s a question for Dr. Neetling. I assume he’ll want to keep them disconnected for a little while more. You only just got over the infection after all.”

“When can I see Dr. Neetling then? I only met him the one time, and I was barely awake!” Ed grumbled. He didn’t really care to see the man, but if it meant getting his automail attached, he would do it.

“Oh he’s been very active in your treatment,” Ella said, Ed had finished eating and Ella began cleaning up. “But I’ll let him know you want to speak with him about your automail.”

She removed some of the pillows he was leaning against and helped him lay back down. Like Ella had said, the process was becoming easier each time, with only some aching at the incision site.

“He also wants to start weening you off of the pain medicine,” she said. Ed didn’t say anything to that. He knew he as on a fair amount of painkillers, but he didn’t want to think about getting off of them. 

When Dr. Neetling finally paid him a visit later that day, Ed was unsurprised to find that he was exactly the same as he’d remembered him: grumpy and impolite.

“It’s too early,” he said in response to Ed asking for his arm to be reconnected. “You’re maxed out on morphine, the connection wouldn’t even work.”

“Um, if I could ask a question, sir?” Ella said hesitantly from behind the doctor. Neetling nodded and turned to look at his apprentice. “If we lowered his dosage for… say a day, we could get him to a state where it would be possible for a reconnection? He’s going to need to start getting up soon, and he’ll need his leg for that.”

Ed watched the doctor’s face as he considered the idea. While the idea of being off morphine combined with a double reconnection was something he definitely did not want to think about, he very much wanted his automail back.

“If you think he can handle it, we can try,” Neetling said. Ella’s face lit up from behind him, and she beamed at Ed. “Two more days, and then we’ll assess and reattach.” Neetling said with finality. He then went on to check the incision site and change the bandage. More like impalement site, Ed thought when he got a glimpse of it. It was big and ugly, and was most definitely going to leave a scar. No wonder it hurt.

“Don’t overexert yourself,” Dr. Neetling said as he was finishing up. “The wound is healing nicely on the outside, but you had a lot of damage on the inside, even after your alchemy. It’s going to take time.”

“I know,” Ed said. Anything to keep the doctor from changing his mind about the automail. “I’ll do everything Ella says.”

“Good.”


Two days later, Ed woke in a dream. Or maybe a nightmare. Ella had not given him his dose of morphine the previous night, and his side had slowly made itself known. An almost nonexistent stinging had gradually turned into a deep ache that felt like someone was trying to rip him open.

“How are you doing, honey?” Ella’s voice came to him. 

Ed couldn’t open his eyes, couldn’t utter any response other than a pitiful whimper that surprised even him. He felt something placed over the wound, and at first he flinched, but the warmth and the light pressure helped him relax his tense muscles.

“Dr. Neetling is going to reattach your automail soon, and then I can give you back your painkillers.”

Ella’s hand touched his and he grasped it, squeezing and taking comfort in the human touch. His mind was jumbled. In so much pain that it took him a second to realize what she had said– what reattaching his arm and leg would entail.

“No–” he whispered. 

“Edward?” Ella said, “do you still want to reattach your automail today?”

Ed didn’t say anything. He wanted his arm back badly. Needed it back. He could live without the leg for a little while more, after all he wouldn’t be able to walk on it anyway. But he needed his arm, needed to start feeling more like himself and less like an invalid who couldn’t even hold his bowl while he ate.

He was afraid of the pain though. He was barely holding on as it was. It was stupid really. He’d survived automail surgery. Double automail surgery. He’d done the rehab in a third of the time it took most patients. He could do this.

“–want it…” Ed murmured.

“Okay,” Ella said. She kept holding onto his hand until Ed heard the door open and Dr. Neetling came in. Ed forced his eyes open and blinked the blurriness from his vision.

“Okay, Edward, the morphine is almost all out of your system. It is the perfect time for a reattachment. Is this still something you want?

Ed nodded, not trusting his voice.

“Alright. I’ll give you a countdown from three before I reattach. As I’m sure you know, the feeling can be unpleasant for some patients–”

Ed scoffed.

“–the pain should only last a few seconds though, and then I will do a few diagnostic checks to make sure they are on properly and working well. Let me now if you feel any shocks or unfamiliar pressure.”

Ed nodded again. He only hoped that the pain he was feeling now in the wound would overshadow the lovely feeling of having a twenty pound arm suddenly exist on your shoulder. Or maybe he preferred the other way around.

Dr. Neetling came over to his right side, and Ella down to his leg. She lifted the sheets to get access to the dormant automail, and Ed shivered at the slight chill. Neetling took a minute to familiarize himself with the automail (Winry had made his model unique after all), and explained to Ella how the reattachment worked. He slightly lifted the arm with one hand, made eye contact with Ella, then pulled the tiny lever at his shoulder.

Ed’s entire chest erupted in fire, igniting the pain in his side even more. He arched his back and sucked in a long breath, forcing himself not to scream as he let the pain pass. If Dr. Neetling or Ella had been saying anything, he didn’t hear. After a minute, he realized the nausea had hit, and he slowly let his breath out through his nose. His head felt light, and he worried he was going to pass out.

“Edward! Honey, you need to come back to us!”

There was a gentle hand on his face and he took another breath, fluttering his eyes open to see Ella’s just inches from his.

Truth, she looked so much like Winry. Ed wished she was here now, and Al. He even wished he could see Mustang’s glare. 

“Edward, I need you to move your fingers for me, please. All of them.”

Ed mirrored his hands, moving each finger from each hand at the same time. He didn’t need to look though to know his right hand was moving. He just knew.

“Good, okay now can you rotate your wrist for me?”

Ed kept Ella’s gaze as he went through the diagnostic check. Looking at too many things made him dizzy, and heightened the pain. 

“Okay, last thing, Edward, I need you to raise your arm over your head to check the shoulder joint is working. I will help you with the weight, but you need to do the moving yourself.”

The pain in Ed’s chest had died down considerably, but this task was daunting. After all, his arm was twenty pounds of pure steel. Slowly, he lifted his arm off the table and began raising it. He could feel the weight of it in his collarbone, and while it was a familiar weight, he was weak and the ordeal left him gasping.

Dr. Neetling guided his arm up above his head, and when he finally seemed satisfied, gently lowered the automail to rest next to Ed’s side. He did the same checks to his leg and then finally stepped away from the table, and Ed curled onto his side, trying to catch his breath.

“Start a standard taper today.” Neetling said to Ella, “Evaluate in two days to see how he’s doing, and have him move the arm and leg every thirty minutes. Let me know of any new developments.”

“Alright sir,” Ella said in response to Neetling’s orders for Ed’s upcoming care. 

Ed heard Neetling leaving, but didn’t stir as the door was closed. He felt Ella’s hand softly touch his shoulder, but he didn’t move, afraid the dizziness would make him throw up.

“I’m going to give you the morphine now, okay? Is there anything you need before that? It might put you to sleep.”

Ed almost sobbed at the idea of being able to sleep painlessly. He’d only just woken up, and yet here he was, already so tired.

“–water?” He whispered. 

“Of course,” Ella responded. She took the half full glass from Ed’s side table and brought it to his lips. Ed felt her hand behind his head holding it up as he drank. He didn’t even think of taking the glass from her, both arms too tired.

“Thank you,” he said when he was done. Ella smiled down at him.

“Just relax, the morphine will be in your system in a few minutes and you can sleep.”

Ella attached something to Ed’s IV line, and Ed waited as the medicine gently lulled him to sleep.

Ed slept most of the day, rousing only for Dr. Neetling’s required arm and leg movements. And like sitting up had gotten easier with time, each time Ella woke him, he found it easier and easier to move his automail on his own.

He was groggy at dinner, and as much as he’d been looking forward to feeding himself with both hands, Ella had ended up doing it all for him.

“You’ve had a taxing day,” Ella said when Ed’s hand had weakly grasped the utensil before dropping it onto the tray. She had wordlessly taken it from him and began spooning broth.

“It’s been a week today since you came to us,” Ella said with a proud smile. “That’s a really good thing, Ed, you’re still here, you’re still fighting.

Ed groaned and turned away from the spoon. He was tired, and frustrated and in pain. None of this felt like success. It felt like almost dying, and then hiding.

“Hey,” Ella said, she put the soup aside, her attention now solely on Ed. “You’re getting better. Every day. You have your automail back, your stitches are healing nicely– it might take a while, but you are going to walk out of here.”

Ed didn’t say anything. He could feel tears brimming in his eyes and he fought like all hell to keep them there. Ella seemed to sense the shift in his mood, and she put down the spoon, allowing him a moment.

“Mr. Darius and Mr. Heinkel were telling me about your brother,” she said after a few minutes.

Ed blinked and turned his head to look at her. He didn’t even know that the chimeras knew who Al was.

“What did they say?” He asked. His voice was hoarse, but he didn’t bother clearing his throat.

“That he was strong,” she said, “and fiercely loyal to you. And that they might have been a little scared of him at first.”

Ed smiled. Thinking of Al seemed to make everything better. Ed had to believe that Al was okay. The last he’d heard of him, he’d been off to catch up to Winry and Scar and let them know that the fort they were heading towards was in enemy hands.

“They’re right, I still haven’t been able to win against him at sparring yet.” Ed replied, “And he comes with me on every mission,” he continued, “even though sometimes it makes the Colonel annoyed.” Ed snickered just thinking about annoying Colonel Bastard.

“And you never answered me about Winry,” Ella prompted. She spooned some more broth and Ed accepted with renewed energy.

“Winry’s…” Ed didn’t quite know how to introduce her. She was more than just his mechanic, but she was also more than just his friend. “Winry was around when I got my automail,” he said, “she’s really been there for me and Al this whole time, plus she’s an expert engineer. You look a lot like her.”

Ella smiled, “they both sound really great,” she said. “I’m sure you’ll get to see them soon.”

Ed sighed. He had been trying not to think about what Winry and Al were doing right now. He had to believe they were both safe. If Al had caught up to Winry, he would keep her safe, and he had to believe that if his brother hadn’t, then Scar would keep up his end of the deal, right?

“Get some sleep,” Ella said. She helped him lay back down. “You did really great today, don’t forget that.”

Ed nodded, feeling himself start to fade. Ella pulled the sheets up to Ed’s chin and shut off the lights, leaving the door slightly ajar after her.

Notes:

I've enjoyed writing this Baschool whump so much! I'm trying to make it extra whumpy to make up for the fact that there was little to no Baschool whump in the anime.

Notes:

I'm hoping to write more chapters for this later on. I absolutely loved this episode/chapter and wished that we hadn't had a time skip through all the hurt/comfort!

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