Chapter Text
There’s an unlikely pair that can be found in Florian’s room. Whether Florian knew of the presence of these two occupants, it was very unlikely. Nemona had “picked him up” for one of their daily battles at 3 am in the morning when the pair came at 4 am. The question lies in why any of these assholes would want to disturb the peaceful sleep of the short boy with a somewhat acceptable hat, and the answer is because it’s a free goddamn country.
They can do whatever the hell they want.
Penny: “Eugh, does he not have cool games here to play?”
Arven: “You could always go pocket a pair of his socks or something. I promise I won’t snitch.”
Penny: “Uh…ew? Why the hell would you even suggest that.”
Arven: “Shit, I don’t know. Why the hell did you even show up at the same time as me earlier if not to steal his clothes?”
Penny: “None of your goddamn business.”
Penny could be found sifting through Florian’s laundry and some of his drawers for whatever fucking reason a goblin would. Although there wasn’t any type of gold, there were mostly just empty shells of scattered walnuts in crevices that Penny could stick her fingers into. As for the other asshole in the room, Arven was lying on Florian’s small bed as his feet jut outward due to his height. It wasn’t because of the fact that Florian was small or that Arven was the tallest of the group…
…but yes. It was both reasons.
Arven: “Hmm..you can be honest with me, y’know?”
Penny: “What are you talking about?”
Arven: “Dude. The whole I secretly love Florian shit you do all the time.”
Penny: “W-Wha- I-I do not!”
Arven: “Yeah, you fucking do. I mean, look at what you’re doing right now.”
Penny: “I’m just looking for games to play in his room!”
Arven: “He doesn’t even play any games! Plus, you’ve been in that spot in front of his drawer for like a good goddamn episode worth of Private Practice. Why would he even keep video games in his goddamn walnut drawer?”
Penny: “The hell? You get to use his T.V. filled with all those streaming services, and you picked that one T.V. show about holistic medicine?”
Arven: “Don’t change the subject, and don’t judge what I watch.”
Penny: “I do what the fuck I want. It’s a **free country. Asterisk included.”
Arven: “...I don’t know what the hell you just said…but besides that, what did you expect me to watch? Cooking shows?”
Penny: “I mean…yeah? That is pretty much your entire personality, isn’t it?”
Arven: “Right, because I totally base my entire goddamn personality on the one hobby in which I’m really good at.”
Penny: “So you do watch cooking shows.”
Arven: “I watch the same shit that every single other freaking person watches! I like cooking shows, sure, but the blatant overdramatization of competition shows is fucking boring compared to the same shit broadcasted in a different region. In Kalos, you’ll have some bald asshole tell you that your dish isn’t authentic, but over in Kanto, you’ll have the judges gently critique your cooking instead. There’s like a fine line between cooking shows being interesting and just plain saturated, and that line has clearly passed with ‘Is it cake?’”
Penny: “Eugh, the host for that show is so fucking unfunny.”
Arven: “Yeah, that’s why I’ve been watching murder documentaries instead…and Private Practice.”
Penny: “Gay.”
Arven: “Better than spending all my time on the computer and hacking people’s bank accounts.”
Penny: “Look, I don’t need any kind of goddamn wealth to live my life as I choose. I’ll watch anime, consume copious amounts of goddamn pizza and cups of noodles, and spend my older days with Florian as I please.”
Arven: “Aha! So you do admit you like him!”
Penny: “Honestly, dude. I’ve been up since 4 am, so I don’t really feel like doing that Oh fuck, I don’t like him like that! sketch right now. Plus, you already know that I do like him, and hopefully not Nemona also, so just return to your gay show, and I’ll keep to myself.”
Arven: “One, fuck you. And two, she likely knows.”
Penny: “She probably does, yeah.”
With a couple of walnut shells thrown in Arven’s direction but just falling short of hitting him, Penny found herself curious but mostly tired of snooping through Florian’s stuff and just finding more goddamn walnuts in his things.
Penny: “Why doesn’t he just throw these goddamn walnut shells away?”
Arven: “Who knows? Free country, right?”
Penny: “Damn, you’re right.”
The red-headed girl with blue highlights, or the something something red highlights, thought that maybe snooping through the stuff of his friend was a pretty messed up thing to do. For her, it was akin to that one annoying ass trope where a friend is hiding a secret from their other friend, and that friend took offense to not knowing it. It was just a Hannah Montana type of drama shit that really peeved Penny off because of how entitled Molly felt as “a friend,” and so she decided to try and rectify the action by discreetly watching TV with Arven instead.
Separately and sitting backward, of course.
Penny: “So…”
Arven: “...yeah?”
Penny: “...why not Grey’s Anatomy?”
Arven: “What?”
Penny: “You know, that other medical drama show where they do malpractice and fuck each other?”
Arven: “Oh, well…it’s pretty much because of that, yeah.”
Penny: “Ah, so you appreciate sustenance in your media, right?”
Arven: “I like it when my TV characters don’t fuck each other like hornets after killing a baby squirrel, yes.”
Penny: “Woah, what the hell kind of comparative analogy was that?”
Arven: “Dude, Penny, I’m trying to watch my show right now.”
Penny: “Well, fuck me. Sorry for trying to make conversation.”
As time flies by and as one of the characters in Private Practice doesn’t fuck their colleagues like a baby squirrel being curb stomped by some angry, fucking hornets, Penny began to throw some of the walnut shells she found under Florian’s bed at Arven again.
Actually, surprisingly, these happen to be peanut shells this time — Though, if that matters to anyone.
Penny: “Hey.”
Arven: “Yes?”
Penny: “...do you think I’m annoying?”
Arven: “...oh fuck me - If you’re about to go on an entire rant about asking if you’re too annoying as a romantic prospect for Florian, then I’ll just save you the trouble — Rotom, pause the TV!”
With an activation of his voice, the T.V pauses mid-scene before Sam punches Arthur for sleeping with-
…the scene was from season 4 of Private Practice , so really, just go watch it. Anyways, with the T.V paused, Arven shifted himself facing toward a sitting-backward Penny.
Arven: “First off, No, I don’t think you’re that annoying. I honestly think you’re pretty cool sometimes. Even with the shitty things you do, like throwing goddamn sand in my eyes. But yes, I think maybe you should chill back with the things you do. Like throwing sand in people’s fucking eyes. So do yourself a favor and stop being a wuss by just asking Florian out.”
Awestruck could be a good word to use to describe how Penny looked at the moment. Her jaw was opened from the shock that her character was easily simplified into that of a romantic teen in love, and so coincidentally, this caused her to feel more disgusted at herself than angry at Arven for exposing her. With her mouth open, Arven actually had a good opportunity to throw some of the peanut shells into her mouth; however, he didn’t do so because he self-consciously thought that it was a weird and kinky thing to do toward a girl who was alone with him in a bedroom. Of course, he doesn’t hold any sort of attraction toward Penny for whatever reason – perhaps even for gay reasons – but Arven really wanted not to be disturbed watching his show for the seventh time in the last thirty minutes.
Penny: “...you know I do other stuff too besides crushing on him….”
Arven: “Yeah, I’m sure you do, but honestly, I don’t wanna hear another rant about how you don’t ‘love’ him, or how cryptocurrency is the future right now.”
Penny: “But it is the future! And I can show you the proof!”
Arven: “No! I just said that I didn’t want to fucking hear about it!”
Penny: “Fine.”
Arven: “Augh, good.”
Penny: “Then can you help me?”
Arven: “Help you what?”
Penny: “Help me ask out Florian.”
Arven: “Rotom, Unpause!”
While extremely impractical that there’s no remote for a TV that relies on a Wi-Fi connection and voice recognition, Private practice unpauses itself, and the surprisingly good TV show resumes.
Penny: “Aw, come on. Don’t be gay like that.”
Arven: “Oh, wow, and just like that, I’m definitely not helping your ass.”
Penny: “I wish I had one.”
Arven: “I thought you were the smartest goddamn person in this school. Why are you even asking me for help?”
Penny: “Because you’re probably the only person who knows my romantic woes and shit. Also, you’re guy friends with Florian, so you probably know something about him that I don’t.”
Arven: “...we’re talking about Florian, right? – The same guy who acts so cute and innocent for his age even though he is literally molested by Nemona every other day? He’s literally as see-through as a toxic Ex, and you know what? All I can see through him is the childhood innocence that I wish I had.”
Penny: “Again with the trauma dumping?”
Arven: “Sorry. I had to let one go.”
Penny: “But, yeah. You’re probably right. He doesn’t even act all sus when we’re alone, so what was I really hoping to learn about him?”
Arven: “Why haven’t you tried asking your other friends?”
Penny: “Yeah, I already asked them. Mellie told me to grow some fuckin’ balls, Momo told me to make a serenade for Florian, Ortie called me a gay, Atticus said to catch him off guard with some Dafodils and Water Lilies, and Eri added onto that by giving me a box of condoms.”
Arven: “ I’m sorry? ”
Penny: “It’s nothing weird, I swear. We just have this kinda inside joke between the six of us to buy each other boxes of condoms on our birthdays. Because, y’know – None of us will ever get a boyfriend or girlfriend in our lives. It’s more of a morbid reality reminder than that of an inside joke, but Eri thought it was a perfect opportunity to give it if I needed it.”
Arven: “Trauma dumping.”
Penny: “But it’s not.”
Arven: “Okay, well, sidenote, you might definitely need it just in case you do get together with Flor.”
Penny: “W-What are you insinuating?”
Arven: “Do you really want to be a parent this young in your life?”
Penny: “W-What?! Hell, no! I-I’m not even thinking of wanting to have children with him! Plus , with the economy, politics, and the state of social unity as a people in fucking scambles? Shit, I refuse to be the fucked up person to bring an innocent life to this world.”
That’s what I’m saying.**
Penny: “Also, I fucking hate kids.”
Refer to the previous asterisk.
Arven: “See, I wouldn’t know all that socio-political shit because I don’t surf Reddit, but this political and social commentary that you do might turn people off, so you might wanna rethink that if you’re alone with Florian.”
Penny: “He mostly just nods his head and pretends that he understands what I’m saying, so it’s not a problem there.”
Arven: “Okay, well, it’s fucking annoying for me, so knock it off.”
Penny: “Look, I can throw hands with you about how cryptocurrency is the future or how really jagged the price of being alive is, but I don’t have the energy to do all that shit. I just need your advice with asking out Florian.”
Arven: “You want my advice? Just ask him out without Nemona in the vicinity.”
Penny: “Eugh, you’re just like Momo. That shit doesn’t help me or calm my nerves at all.”
Arven: “You know how Florian is! He doesn’t exactly understand all those social cues about flirting and personal boundaries!…well…I mean, I guess he sorta does since he blatantly asks Nemona to stop molesting him sometimes. Like, the frequency that he tells her to knock it off is super inconsistent at times for me to even remember that he has a concept of personal-”
Penny: “Yeah, no. I know what you mean.”
Arven: “Exactly! So what I’m trying to say is that you should stop being such a fucking Pussy. Florian won’t think anything weird about you, but at the same time, he won’t think of you in that way unless you make him conscious of it.”
Pussy: “...that’s…really compelling.”
Arven: “Is it?”
Penny: “Yeah, that was actually really helpful.”
Arven: “Cool. So are you going to leave me alone so I can watch my fucking show now?”
Penny: “Alright, jeez. Can you at least watch something better than this? I thought this was supposed to be a light-hearted comedy.”
Arven: “What’s funny is that you’re too much of a pussy to ask Florian out.”
And with that, Penny stuffed her hands inside her pocket and pulled out a fist full of sand. Why did she have sand in her pocket when she was clearly miles away from any sort of beach or sandy area? Who knows, but it was likely because she never washes the fucking hoodie.
Arven: “Don’t you fucking do it.”
Penny: “I thought this was a free country – Why are you telling me what to do?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The clashing of razor leaves and whirlwinds of mini-dust-devils could be found located at the very same beach from which Penny’s pocket sand originated. Funnily enough, stealing soil, although sand, in this case, can still be considered a crime worthy of being charged with trespassing and theft. Trespassing is understandable because it is a private beach, but why would anyone be charged for pocketing sand in their pockets? Who knows. It’s just another fucked up cog in the capitalistic machine that is ever-consuming of-
Nemona: “Estoy bien, Piplup! That was a great battle!”
Florian: “Y-Yeah, that was really exciting, w-wasn’t it?”
Nemona: “What’s wrong? You look really tired.”
Florian: “N-Nem, this is the seventeenth time in a row this month that you woke me up at 3 am for our battles.”
Nemona: “Aw~, you kept track?”
Florian: “I was trying to construct a good case about this to ask you to let me sleep in until 5 or 7.”
Nemona: “I just can’t help it, Flor! Spending every day with you is probably the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, so can you really blame me for wanting to spend as much time with you before death do us part?”
Fun fact: When it comes to gaslighting someone, it always helps the process when the person who's being gaslighted is a short boy with a stupid hat. However, when you bring up really serious topics like death or perhaps the status of the economy, it adds a false sense of importance for any sort of reasoning that is made. Is it fucked up? No, but if you think it is, then you’re crazy and it’s probably the reason why no one loves you.
Florian: “…no…I guess not.”
Nemona: “Exactly! Plus, even when you’re tired, you still have lots of fun battling with me, right?”
Florian: “Of course, I do.”
Nemona: “That’s good.”
The crinkle of the sea foam forming on the pearly shores was almost blocked out by the crashing of the distant waves. Though, in the perspective of Florian, he found himself focusing on Nemona’s sudden change in breathing, as well as this mischievous smile on her face.
Nemona: “Hey, since it’s still just us out here…wanna have a bit more fun?”
Florian: “Sorry, Nem. I don’t think I want to battle anymore.”
Her footsteps began to collapse the sand as she approached him.
Nemona: “Oh, no. I wasn’t thinking of battling this time.”
Florian: “Oh..w-what did you mean?”
Nemona: “…do you remember what we did together in your bedroom last week?”
Florian began to tug on his shirt.
Florian: “…y-you promise me that you wouldn’t do that again.”
Nemona: “I don’t remember promising that, but I do remember how much noise you were making with what I was doing~.”
Florian: “…I couldn’t help it.”
Nemona: “You couldn’t help it because it was fun and enjoyable!…and because you liked it.”
The distance between the two couldn’t be considered even a nanoangstrom.
Nemona: “What do you say, Piplup? Wanna do it again?”
Florian: “N-No…I don’t want to do what we did again….”
Nemona: “Why not? There’s no one here to see us, so why be embarrassed? It’s just you and me and the waves washing over there in the back. There won’t be anybody to disturb us or to stop me.”
Florian: “I-I just-…I don’t feel uncomfortable doing it again….”
Nemona: “I’ll take the lead again, don’t worry~.”
Florian: “Nemona, please. I-I don’t want to-“
Nemona: “I wasn’t asking, Florian.”
Before the boy with the blue hat could do anything to increase the distance between him and his senior, he felt a pair of hands push him onto the warm, remembering sands of the beach. His back lay supine onto the ground as grains of sand began to invade his clothing, as did Nemona, who began to slip her hands under Florian’s t-shirt.
Florian: “N-Nem, p-please.”
Nemona: “Even if you cry yourself dehydrated or pee yourself, that’s not going to be enough to stop me.”
Florian: “W-We can battle again, Nemona! J-Just please-…just stop it, please!
Nemona: “Shhhh~, there’s no reason to yell, Piplup. There’s nobody here to stop me, and there’s nobody who cares about you enough to do this to you except for me!…so just be a good boy and just take it.”
Such is the betrayal of trust and friendship, Nemona began to place her hands directly onto the sides of Florian’s body. No matter how much he squirmed and cried for help to save him from his impending fate, the only response that could be heard was the crashing waves against the virgin shores. The purity of the sand itself will continue to remain clean, but as for Florian, who enticed Nemona to do what she was doing, he would not. He could struggle, he could scream, and he could even cry, but in the end, it was all fruitless.
And it was all his fault.
Florian: “N-Nem, please!~ Stop tickling me!”
Nemona: “But you’re laughing so much!”
Florian: “I-I can’t control it!~.”
And so, against his will, Nemona began to tickle Florian as her body remained mounted on top of him. It was a cruel reminder that if you're short as Florian, then you deserve to be held down on the ground on a private beach and tickled mercilessly until you lose all your energy to fight off your tickler. It’s just another symptom of the capitalist machine that actually has nothing to do with what is happening right now.
I mean, I guess you could associate it together because Nemona is rich and because she could only tickle Florian because he was on her private beach, but really, if the setting was anywhere else, then Nemona would have tickled him a là Deliverance style in that one scene.
Florian: “O-Okay! Okay!~ I give up!”
Nemona: “Do you swear?”
Florian: “I-I do~!”
Nemona: “Alright-y then~. Now I’m just going to take off your pants and-“
“Arceus Christ, what the fuck is happening over there?”
“E-Elio, I-I think we should call the police.”
“After they got defunded for letting Team Rocket go crazy in the regions? They’re definitely not going to do shit.”
In the distance, and much to the defunded Paldean police and Florian’s tickler’s dismay, the voices of two people could be heard distinctly as the waves began to calm down with the footsteps of an ancient Sun Lion drowning it out. With each step the creature made, Florian and Nemona could only turn their heads to the noise that interrupted this extremely misleading and uncomfortable situation. With their focus on the Sun Lion, an artificially blonde boy in a sleeveless tee with white shorts and a blonde girl in a white skirt and shirt could be found clutching onto its white mane. They looked at Florian and Nemona fearfully, but mostly for Florian’s sake because they had just seen this older girl push him to the ground and mount him. It’s understandable for them to assume that the tanned girl was going to tickle the short-boy-with-the-stupid-hat’s insides a là Catholic Church style.
Or technically her’s.
Sun: “H-Hey…do you need any help, o-or are you good?”
Lillie: “I don’t think you have to ask if he needs any help.”
Sun: “Well, I’m just saying that maybe he doesn’t need help, y’know? It looks like he was laughing and enjoying what was happening.”
Lillie: “My goodness. Are you victim-blaming him?”
Sun: “What?! No! I’m saying-!”
Nemona: “Why the fuck are you on my Beach?”
Florian: “Hello~.”
It should be noted that Florian didn’t understand the implications of what was being done to him, and so he crawled himself from under Nemona and stood on his feet to greet the two trespassers.
Florian: “Are you guys new to the area? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you two around.”
Nemona: “There was a sign that said Private Property on the entrance of the beach. Did you not see it, or did you just ignore it to go on some romantic beach date with each other.”
Sun: “WE’RE NOT DATING!”
Lillie: “WE’RE NOT DATING!”
Florian: “Oh, hey. That sounds familiar.”
Nemona: “It does, actually.”
Florian: “It reminds me of when we watched that Alola Tour special with the others.”
Sun: “Oh, shit. You watched our special?”
Lillie: “Oh God.”
Nemona: “Hmmm…aren’t you the Alola champion and his girlfriend?”
Sun: “WE’RE NOT-!”
Lillie: “WE’RE NOT-!”
Florian: “They’re not dating, Nem. They’re just really good friends like us, right?”
Nemona: “They must be really good friends to have the same eye and hair color as each other.”
Sun: “Look, there’s a good reason for that.”
Lillie: “I had no part in what my mother did to him.”
Sun: “That sounds kinda wrong.”
With a tap from Sun’s Pokeball, Solgaleo disappeared with a red zap and caused its two riders to fall directly ass first onto the cold, hard sand.
What a dumbass.
Sun: “Fuck!”
Florian: “Language.”
Lillie: “Yeah, Elio. Watch what you say~.”
Nemona: “I got a bunch of questions to ask once you get your ass up from the ground.”
Sun: “Just shoot me the questions already.”
Nemona: “Why are you here, and why did you interrupt my private time with my Piplup?”
Florian: “Nem, could you not call me that in front of them? It’s kinda embarrassing….”
Nemona: “Why? I’m not hurting you. I only call you that because you mean so much to me. Are you trying to say that you hate me? Am I just an annoyance to you or-“
Sun: “Holy shit.”
Lillie: “W-We, uh-…it’s a long story, but we just sorta stumbled onto your beach when we washed ashore on Solgaleo.”
Sun: “Short story: we ate some malasadas with our friends, but our stupid fucking friend Hau had drugged malasada and so we ended up consuming them by accident. Woke up on Solgaleo in the middle of the ocean, and just sorta chilled until we got here.”
Florian: “Oh, no.”
Sun: “Yeah. Hau said something about suing that restaurant he got those malasadas from, and honestly, I just might make it a class action lawsuit.”
Lillie: “From what I remember, it was you who picked those from his fridge.”
Sun: “I have plausible deniability since he didn’t tell me shit. Also, don’t victim blame me.”
Nemona: “So you consumed drugs, tripped out, traveled the ocean, and ended up in Paldea?”
Sun: “Yep.”
Lillie: “Yes.”
Nemona: “Well, crazier stuff has happened to me and Piplup, so eh.”
Florian: “I still have nightmares about what we went through.”
Sun: “Same, and I got a scar from it too.”
Curiously, Florian began to walk toward the Sun Lion’s remaining footprints like a child leaning too close to a gorilla habitat and falling in. Nebby wasn’t going to be resummoned and maul Florian at first glance, but you can never trust creatures from a different universe. That, and the bourgeoisie. And the Police. And in that extension, the government, too.
Fuck. Everybody is against everyone.
Florian: “So that giant lion was Solgaleo? He looks really cool!”
Sun: “Yup, and he’s all mine.”
Lillie: “Technically, he’s mine because I took care of him.”
Sun: “Oh, so all the times I had to rescue him was you caring for him?”
Lillie: “Did you want me to bop you on the head?”
Sun: “Sorry.”
Nemona: “Well, it was nice meeting you-….”
Sun: “…huh? Oh, it’s Sun.”
Lillie: “Hello, I’m Lillie.”
Nemona: “Well, I think it’s nice to have a visit from the Alolan Champion and his not girlfriend on my private beach, but before you leave, make sure you empty your pockets of any sand, or else I’ll have to press charges for theft and trespassing.”
Sun: “I’m sorry, what?”
Florian: “Aw, Nem. Don’t do that. I thought you said that this beach was free for anyone to come in.”
Nemona: “Yeah, but they interrupted our private time together.”
Lillie: “W-We didn’t mean to, but when we saw you push him onto the ground and-… got on top of him… we just kinda assumed you were-“
Sun: We really thought you were going to rape him.”
Lillie: “ELIO!”
Sun: “Lillie, please. You were literally panicking and telling me to stop her.”
Florian: “W-What? W-Why would you think that was what she was doing?”
Sun: “The whole thing looked freaking weird, okay?”
Nemona: “I would never do that to him! He’s my greatest treasure! Isn’t that right, Piplup?”
Nemona began to slowly rub Florian’s forearms a là Lobbyists trying to coax politicians to defund the police style.
Florian: “…y-yeah…I-I’m sure you wouldn’t do that t-to me.”
Nemona: “ Why are you hesitating?”
Sun: “Wow, I am super uncomfortable right now.”
Lillie: “Uh…m-maybe we could go and explore the region? This is Paldea, r-right?”
Nemona: “Sí.”
Lillie: “O-Okay, then I-I guess me and E-Elio can go try some authentic Gelato.”
Sun: “Nah, I’m good.”
Lillie: “Elio.”
Sun: “Huh? — Oh! Shit, sorry. Was that the let’s get the fuck out of here excuse?”
Lillie: “Why would you make it so obvious?”
Florian: “Would you like us to tour you around? Paldea is pretty expanse and spread out compared to Alola. I wouldn’t want you two to get lost.”
The two blondes, but really technically one, were taken aback.
Sun: “Huh.”
Lillie: “Huh.”
Florian: “What’s wrong?”
Nemona: “Cute little unison.”
Sun: “Uh, nothing. It was a-…just a little disorienting because you were being really nice.”
Lillie: “Y-Yeah…all of our friends are sort of-…assholes.”
Nemona: “I wouldn’t know since Piplup is my only friend.”
Florian: “What about-“
Nemona: “Fuck the others.”
Lillie: “We appreciate your offer… p-piplup? …but I think we’re okay.”
Florian: “H-Huh?”
Nemona: “What did you just call him?”
Sun: “Dude, Lillie, I think that was just his nickname.”
Lillie: “Well, I didn’t freaking know, okay?! My mind is still groggy from those malasadas.”
Sun: “Ah, so the gelato was an excuse because you had the munchies.”
Lillie: “I really am going to bop you, you know that?”
Sun: “Trying to silence me through violence? I didn’t realize you became a socialist .”
Florian: “I like to socialize too.”
Nemona: “The blatant flirting is really cute.”
Lillie: “W-We’re not flirting.”
Sun: “Y-Yeah. We’re just two really good friends and stuff….”
Nemona: “Okay, then do your not flirting and stuff somewhere else.”
Florian: “Are you sure you didn’t want us to guide you? The Paldean people tend to be really reserved when it comes to visitors.”
Nemona: “They’ll be fine, Florian. Let’s just have some alone time like before and I can show you-“
Sun: “Eh. Why not? You’ve been really nice so far, so I’ll take you up on your offer.”
Nemona: “Damn!”
Lillie: “Damn it, Elio!”
It should be noted that Sun only agreed to spite Nemona. I would say, ‘What an asshole,’ but it truly is a dilemma since Nemona was being the asshole first. This makes him justified, and if you don’t think it’s true, then you’re crazy and it’s probably the reason why no one loves you.
Florian: “Yay! Follow me to the main road then.”
The four began to slowly leave the shores as each person emptied out their pockets for sand so Nemona’s parents wouldn’t sue them for theft and trespassing.
Florian: “In case I haven’t said it, my name is Florian.”
Nemona: “ Estoy Nemona.”
Sun: “Thanks for the introduction. I didn’t wanna deal with that awkwardness of avoiding saying your name since I couldn’t remember it.”
Lillie: “Wow, this beach is really beautiful.”
Nemona: “ Gracías. My groundskeeper gets paid a lot to make sure it is.”
Sun: “Groundskeeper…for a beach?”
Florian: “Yup. Her family needs someone to maintain their backyard since it’s so huge.”
Sun: “Holy shit, this is a backyard?”
Lillie: “You didn’t know that?”
Sun: “Oof, sounds like rich privilege over here.”
Lillie: “I-I’m not that rich!”
Sun: “But you live in a four-story house in the middle of an artificial island in the middle of the ocean…and your kitchen is underwater.”
Lillie: “Eugh.”
Nemona: “The blatant flirting really is cute.”
Florian: “I think so too.”
Sun: “WE’RE NOT-!”
Lillie: “WE’RE NOT-!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Penny: “You think Florian will notice that his TV is fucking destroyed?”
Arven: “Well, it's a 72-inch flat screen, so I don’t think he’ll miss the chair sticking out of it.”
In the meantime as the school bells chime with the signal of the afternoon, Penny and Arven could still be found in Florian’s room. From what started initially as a sand fight, the small chicanery between “friends” had turned into a walnut and peanut shell fight, and then into a throwing fucking chairs at each other sort of fight. How did things escalate for the both of them to throw fucking chairs at each other and at Florian’s now destroyed TV? Who knows, but it’s likely because Arven called Penny a Pussy.
Pussy: “It can’t be all too bad. Florian, Nemona, or I can pretty much afford another TV.”
Arven: “Are you saying I can't afford a new TV?”
Penny: “Yeah. That’s why I didn’t include your name in that sentence, peasant.”
Arven: “I have money too, y’know?”
Penny: “Enough to live financially free and without care in the world?”
Arven: “No, but-“
Penny: “Then shut your poor ass up.”
Arven: “And just like that, I’m telling Florian you broke his TV.”
Penny: “YOU THREW THE CHAIR AT ME!”
Arven: “YOU THREW FUCKING SAND INTO MY EYES AGAIN!”
Penny: “THAT WAS YOUR OWN FAULT FOR BEING GAY!”
Arven: “STOP VICTIM BLAMING ME!”
*click*
And with the aforementioned *click*, the two assholes’ crimes will come to light like the one responsible for Doctor McDreamy’s death in Grey’s Anatomy.
…not really, but whether it was panic or just one of them play-pretending being a cop hiding from internal investigations, Penny grabbed ahold of the TV – which was surprising because there was negative space where her biceps should be located at – and cast it out of the window with no regard of who was on the ground floor. The defenestration of Florian’s TV marked the day that Penny realized that having anti-space of any arm muscles is really concerning.
Florian: “Hello~, room! Nice to finally return with- OH MY GOD!”
It should be noted that Arven and Penny came an hour later when Nemona abducted him, so he had no way of knowing that these two intruders remained in his room for the last 9 hours as he was gone. Truly, these people have no lives.
Penny: “Whatsup Flor?”
Arven: “Hey, Little Buddy.”
Florian: “Wha-…g-good morning, you two.”
Penny: “I know. It’s pretty~ weird that we’re here when you weren’t here, but hey! It’s alright because we’re best friends, right?”
Arven: “Exactly! I mean, besides the blatant gaslighting, we’re all close enough with you to do stuff like this. Like entering your room without your permission or watching TV on your Flatscreen TV.”
Penny: “Are you retarded? Shut the fuck up.”
Florian: “Y-You’re right…sorry for freaking out at first.”
Penny: “It’s all good. Just don’t let it happen again.”
Arven: “Are you going to gaslight him into taking you out to dinne-“
Nemona: “What’s wrong, Piplup? Is there a spider or-
Oh.”
The door swung open to reveal Nemona and two unknown people who looked almost the same except for the clear indication that they were the opposite gender. That, and the guy had artificially blonde hair for reasons that cannot be explained. Also, they both shared emerald-colored eyes, although the guy was wearing color lenses.
Really, Sun was decked out for reasons that can only be explained in a different story.
Sun: “Damn, this room looks crazy compared to that loft you used to sleep in.”
Lillie: “Yes, well, living in an almost attic tends to lower your standards for what is considered as living conditions…b-but this room is nice! I wasn’t saying it wasn’t!”
Sun: “Oh, sure~. That’s pretty fucked up to-“
Florian: “Penny, Arven; these two are our new friends. That’s Sun, and that’s Lillie.”
Sun: “Sup.”
Lillie: “Hello.”
Penny: “Hey.”
Arven: “Hmm.”
Florian: “They happen to be visiting from Alola…and that’s pretty cool!…so yeah.”
Penny: “Oh, shit. You’re the Alolan Champion, aren’t you?”
Sun: “Yep”
Lillie: “ And I’m his companion, too.”
Arven: “Oh, you’re visiting? That’s good. I was worried we would have to add another two people to our group. I didn’t want to cook for any more weirdos, y’know?”
The awkward smiles from Sun and Lillie’s face began to fade.
Lillie: “…okay, then.”
Sun: “I’m just going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you suck at first introductions.”
Nemona: “No, whatever assumption you had was right. He’s mean and he’s racist to Alolans.”
Penny: “It’s true. He says Tikki Tikki super racially.”
Florian: “W-Why do you hate the Alolans?”
Arven: “I’M NOT RACIST! AND I’M NOT GAY EITHER!”
Lillie: “Is there something wrong with being gay?”
Sun: “We didn’t even say anything about you being gay.”
Florian: “Please don’t scream in my room.”
Nemona: “What an asshole.”
Penny: “Alola, though.”
Lillie: “Hello.”
Penny: “Huh? No, I was saying the place.”
Lillie: “O-Oh.”
Penny: “I heard some pretty cool shit is happening there. The telescopes for space and something about a fire?”
Sun: “The telescopes for sure, but not sure about any kind of fire. Unless you’re talking about Wela Park Volcano, but it never goes full eruption.”
Lillie: “We’ve been cronked out for a bit, so we don’t know what’s been happening back at home. Those malasadas we ate really did a number on us.”
Penny: “The insinuation I’m getting from those two unrelated sentences tells me that what you consumed were some kind of edibles that fucked you up with memory loss.”
Sun: “Wow, spot on.”
Penny: “That’s fucking rad.”
With a step forward, Sun and Penny made the crispiest dap that almost ripped the skin off of the goblin’s hand.
Penny: “F~...Fuck! That hurt!”
Arven: “Look, I’m not racist, okay? I just suck at first impressions.”
Nemona: “Holy shit, you’re still on that?”
Florian: “You were right about that too, Sun.”
Lillie: “Congrats, yay.”
With some awkward shuffling, the four entered the room and sat around Florian’s new coffee table on the ground with the other two assholes in the room.
Speaking of which, is it a coffee table? With it being that low, you would think it would serve as a footrest, but why the fuck would there be a footrest by a bed? It’s strange, and we will never know, just like Sun and Lillie, who couldn’t give a shit if the table could be labeled as a coffee table by Poké-IKEA’s standards.
Nemona: ”Dios mío. Why the hell is there sand and pecan shells everywhere?”
Florian: “I don’t like pecans.”
Sun: “That’s good to know.”
Penny: “Well, since you two were gone, I thought it would be nice to clean up your room.”
Arven: “Y-Yeah…what she said.”
Florian: “…b-but why is it dirtier than before?”
Lillie: *whisper* “Elio, do you get the feeling that what they said is complete bullshit?”
Sun: *whisper* “I don’t know. I see a lot of walnut shells under his bed.”
Nemona: “And is there also a certain reason you two are in his room like a couple of stalkers?”
Arven: “Are you really going to lecture us on that?”
Penny: “We were just waiting for you to come back so we could hang out.”
Sun: *whisper* “Damn, this bitch is lying through her teeth.”
Lillie: *not really a whisper* “You can’t call her that, you sexist.”
Florian: “I’m sorry to keep you two waiting, but now that we’re all here, this means we can hang out all together!”
Lillie: “I thought we were going to explore-“
Sun: “You were covering your ears when Nemona started to do that whole groomin-…uh, I mean, friendship monologue to Florian, but yeah. We changed plans.”
Lillie: “Should we tell anybody about what she’s doing to him?”
Sun: “ Nah, he’ll probably be fine.”
Arven: “It’s not really whispering when it’s literally the six of us sitting across from each other.”
Nemona: “So what did you wanna do, Piplup?”
Florian: “I’m not really sure, but hey! Let’s try watching something new on my TV while we make a plan.”
Penny: “Aw fuck.”
Arven: “Penny broke it.”
Florian: “Wait, what?”
Penny: “You fucking snitch!”
Sun: “Shit. I guess no TV watching, huh?”
Arven: “Look. We could have done this whole run-around sketch about Oh, where’s my TV? and then have Penny gaslight you into thinking that you never owned one, but honestly, I’m pretty tired.”
Nemona: “I don’t think The Stick can even open a jar of actual food, let alone break a 72-inch TV on her own.”
Penny: “Thanks. Also, fuck you.”
Sun: “A jar of food? What the hell kind of food is put inside a jar?”
Lillie: “Cookies?”
Nemona: “Sauerkraut.”
Florian: “There’s jams and peanut butter.”
Penny: “Fuck if I know.”
Arven: “Eating just jam and peanut butter by itself is insane.”
Lillie: “We could always run to the store and buy another TV real quick.”
Sun: “Spoken like a true rich person who is out of touch with today’s economy.”
Penny: “Shit, that’s what I’m saying.”
Florian: “I think I need to buy some more walnuts and peanut butter, so maybe we can.”
Lillie: “Elio, you and I can literally afford a TV with what we have in our bank accounts.”
Sun: “Yeah, but like, I’m cheap.”
Penny: “The economy is in fucking shambles to even buy a TV with cash out of pocket.”
Nemona: “I wouldn’t know since I’m rich.”
Arven: “Name one instance in which the economy is in shambles.”
Penny: “No comment.”
Florian: “It’s okay, guys. I happen to have a spare TV for reasons like this.”
Penny: “What?”
After maneuvering himself out of Nemona’s nonconsensual caressing once again, much to the unspoken discomfort of Sun and Lillie, who were witnessing it but refused to do anything about it out of fear, Florian approached this closet and opened the door. After scavenging through a self-denial Arven’s room, Florian ended up finding some walnuts on the ground.
Florian: “You guys want some walnuts?”
Nemona: “Sure.”
Penny: “God, there’s even more walnuts?”
Lillie: “My mother has this walnut drawer at home, you know?”
Sun: “Wow, I didn’t know that.”
Arven: “Little Buddy, you gotta put those walnuts in a fucking bowl or something. They’re literally everywhere in your room.”
With a slight struggle, Florian slips out an 80-inch flat-screen TV and carries it onto the corner desk in his room.
Florian: “Okay, ready to watch?”
Sun: “Woah, you carried that with one hand?”
Nemona: “You should see how many things he can fit inside his bag.”
Lillie: “It’s voice-activated, right?”
Florian: “Unfortunately, yes.”
Arven: “Before we move on, why do you have a flat-screen TV in your closet? And also, why do you guys keep buying these expensive ass TV’s that aren’t operated with a remote? It’s extremely impractical.”
Sun: “I remember asking Lillie about that, and she basically told me to go fuck myself, really.”
Lillie: “I-I didn’t mean it like that!”
Florian: “I don’t know why they don’t make remotes for the TVs, but I only have this one because Nemona was really nice enough to give it to me. Thank you again, Nem.”
Nemona: “Of course, Piplup! And to answer your question with a question, why do people spend over a quarter of a million poke-dollars to visit a ship that sank over a century ago? Just because they can, I guess.”
Penny: “I’m pretty sure you said that before.”
Nemona: “Okay. And?”
Sun: "That didn't answer anything."
Arven: “But, like, the lack of utility use because of the lack of a remote doesn’t seem to fit in with the terms luxury and comfort. What if your voice is hoarse, or your accent is too strong for Rotom to understand you properly? It’s not really comfort anymore, rather than an inconvenient pain in the ass.”
Penny: “If the TV can’t understand your accent, then it’s racist just like you.”
Lillie: "I knew it!"
Florian: “W-Why do you have to hate the Alolans, Arven?”
Arven: “Damn it! Don’t any of you see how weird this all-!”
Sun: “God, you sound like Hau and Sophocles.”
Nemona: “I don’t know why you’re so caught up on this, but can you literally shove it for once?”
Penny: “For real.”
Florian: “L-Let’s just watch the TV.”
Lillie: “Rotom, turn on the TV!”
And with the pale blond girl really wanting that stupid conversation to end, the TV turns on and sends 8K pixels of high-def something something into the eyes of the six participants in the room.
Florian: “Any ideas on what to watch?”
Sun: “Wanna watch BladeRunner ?”
Lillie: “Again?”
Nemona: “I tried watching it with Piplup once, but it was too graphic for him.”
Arven: “Didn’t we almost get eradicated by my robot parents?”
Penny: “You still haven’t given me your streaming services account.”
Florian: “Sorry.”
Arven: “We could always watch Madam Secretary.”
Sun: “Lillie’s emo brother is always watching that freaking show.”
Lillie: “I don’t even think it’s that good, to be honest.”
Penny: “With that shitty romance plot between Matt and Daisy in season 1? Hell no, it wasn’t.”
Nemona: “Ooh, how about we watch the Galar Tour Special?”
Florian: “No, thank you.”
Penny: “Fuck that.”
Arven: “No.”
Lillie: “I’m okay.”
Sun: “It’s a resounding no from everyone.”
Nemona: “You’re right. I don’t know why I asked that.”
It should be noted that I have no fond attachment to the 8th generation.
Sun: “I won’t lie, I do love watching movies with my best homie and people who I just met in a land I’ve never been to….”
Lillie: “Aw~.”
Penny: “Boo~, blatant flirting will get you nowhere.”
Nemona: “I thought it was sweet.”
Arven: “Talk about cockblocking yourself.”
Florian: “What’s cockblocking?”
Sun: “…but I sorta would like to explore Paldea since we’re here.”
Nemona: “Really? You couldn’t have told us before we rode all the way back here?”
Sun: “It was really hard to ask you two anything when you kept molesting him during the ride.”
Lillie: “Y-Yeah…that was really weird to be around.”
Nemona: “He likes it when I touch him! Right, Piplup?!”
Florian: “I-I really don’t.”
Nemona: “Yes, you fucking do.”
Arven: “You know what? That brings me to a thing I was talking to Penny about earlier. If you’re strong enough to carry a TV with one arm, then shouldn’t you be able to stop Nemona from touching you?”
Florian: “S-She’s still stronger than me, though.”
Arven: “A girl stronger than a boy, huh? Forshame.”
Penny: “That’s kinda fucking sexist.”
Lillie: “There’s no reason to slut-shame someone, Arven.”
Penny: “Woah, what the hell?”
Sun: “That’s crazy, Lillie.”
Arven: “And you insinuate that I was the asshole?”
Florian: “H-Huh?”
Lillie: “W-What?”
Penny: “Did you really just call Florian a slut?”
Lillie: “W-What the fuck?! No! I meant to say victim blame, but-!”
Nemona: “I mean, is she really wrong?”
Florian: “W-Why would you call me that?”
Lillie: “I didn’t! I-I swear!”
Penny: “And she’s gaslighting too? The audacity is astounding.”
Sun: “Dude, that’s what I’m saying.”
Penny: “That’s my fucking catchphrase.”
Besides a panicking, slut-shaming Lillie clutching her head in despair at the possibly true accusations, Sun stands up from the new coffee table and begins to stretch.
Sun: “We should totally get some food. I gotta get those drugged Malasadas out of my goddamn body.”
Lillie: “I-I wasn’t slutshaming Florian!”
Nemona: “You’re still on that?”
Florian: “Oh, sure! I don’t think there’s that many Poke places in Mesagoza, but we can try going to Cascarrafa to see if there’s any.”
Penny: “Wait, Poké- as in Pokémon , or that raw fish sushi shit from Alola?”
Florian: “We’re not going to eat Pokémon, silly.”
Arven: “I could always cook.”
Nemona: “I’m not going to eat another fucking sandwich for the umpteenth time in a row.”
Sun: “What makes you think that I want to eat Poke?”
Florian: “I just assumed you wanted to eat Poké since you’re Alolan.”
Normally, it’s racist to assume that someone wants to eat a certain dish because they’re native to the dishes’ origins, but with how innocent Florian was to the first impressions of the blonde and faux- blonde from Alola, they were actually really flattered.
Sun: “You’re really cool, you know that?”
Lillie: “I’m not that big of a fan of Poke like my friend Lana is, but I’ll be okay with whatever Elio wants.”
Arven: “I can make some sandwiches if you guys want.”
Penny: “Again; No, Arceus. How many times have we eaten the same fucking thing every time you cook for us?”
Arven: “Hey! But you can still eat, so why are you complaining?!”
Lillie: “You sound like my Mother when I was young.”
Sun: "When she underfed you?"
Lillie: "Yup."
Sun: “Damn.”
Penny: “That sounds hella dark. I like that.”
With that morbid comparison, Penny high-fived Lillie, injuring both of them because they’re sticks.
Lillie: “Owchie.”
Penny: “Fuck!”
Florian: “Is your hand okay?”
Arven: “They’ll be fine. That’s what happens when you’re a stick.”
Lillie: “I-It’s not my fault that mother underfed me!”
Arven: “Yeah? Well, my parents left me to fend on my own so they could immerse themselves in their work, so what’s your excuse?”
Penny: “At least Blondie #1 doesn’t fucking trauma dump about her dead parents.”
Lillie: “Yeah! It’s only my father that’s dead!”
With that sick, morbid tidbit of information, Sun began to pat Lillie on the back, as did Florian for Arven.
Florian: “I really am sorry for what happened to them.”
Sun: “Sorry that your dad got sucked into a vortex of unfathomable origins.”
Arven: “Thanks, Little Buddy.”
Lillie: “Thank you for reminding me how he died.”
Penny: “So where are we going to eat?”
Florian: “Cascarrafa, and also, how about we celebrate Sun and Lillie’s arrival to Paldea with a battle afterward?”
Nemona: “You’re blatantly cheating on me in front of my face?”
Sun: “Do you guys see this or-?”
Arven: “Yeah, it’s this entire thing between them and-...it’s just better to leave it as it is.”
Lillie: “That seems like a really shitty thing to do, though.”
Penny: “ Yeah, we tried talking about it, but-... aw fuck it. We could always try watching a movie. I mean, last time I was in the movie theater, Marvel used to produce really good movies.”
Sun: “Dude, I could go on an entire rant about how Marvel fucked up their movies beginning with the introduction of the second Thor movie. Like, it was pretty cool at first when they started to include more comedy into the story itself, but then after Ragnarok, it just became so saturated with-”
Lillie: “Elio, while I do love hearing you rant about how shitty Marvel has become, I don’t think they want to hear it right now.”
Arven: “She’s rig-”
Florian: “Oh, I don’t mind. You could tell me about your gripe with the movies while we head to the movies.”
Lillie: “O-Oh, then I guess-”
Sun: “Damn, I knew you were a cool guy when you posted that tweet about me on Twitter.”
Penny: “It’s called X now, by the-“
Florian: “You read what I said?”
Sun: “Yeah, dude. I even sent a follow request.”
Much to the eyebrow raised by Nemona, Florian and Sun began to inch closer to each other.
Florian: “I don’t really use X that much, so I didn’t see your request. I’m sorry about that.”
Sun: “Shit, is it really called X now? That’s seriously retarded.”
Arven: “I don’t think you can say that.”
Penny: “Freedom of speech, you fascist.”
Nemona: “...so what movies are we going to-”
Florian: “I thought it was really cool that you became the first Champion of Alola. I know they just recently created a Pokemon League there.”
Sun: “Hey, back at you too. You became the youngest champion in the world, y’know? I even told Lillie about it.”
Lillie: “Indeed, he-”
Florian: “I’m actually only a year younger than you.”
Sun: “No shit?”
Penny: “Yeah, it’s a bit of a disorientating thing to-”
Sun: “Wanna head to the movies now? They usually got shows an hour after twelve, so we can make it.”
Penny: “Okay, interrupt me then, assho-”
Florian: “Sure!”
Much to Nemona’s, Lillie’s, Arven’s, and Penny’s dismay, Florian held his hand out for Sun to grab onto.
Florian: “I remember when I first got lost here in Paldea when Nemona was busy with her Student Council Duties. I wouldn’t want you to get lost on your very first day.”
Sun: “Shit, you got a discord? Because honestly, I think you and me are going to be really good friends.”
Again, much to the dismay of everyone except for the only two guys holding hands with each other, Sun and Florian began to hold hands as they left the room without waiting for the others to follow. Fingers interlaced and everything.
Lillie: “...”
Penny: “...”
Arven: “...”
Nemona: “...what the fuck just happen?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It’s been about three days since Sun and Lillie’s arrival in Paldea, and the friends of Florian, and Lillie, have found themselves being cucked in front of their own eyes. To associate the feeling of what being cucked felt like, it was like that one guy from Erased when he was reunited with the girl he saved in the past, only to find out that she had a child and married his other childhood friend. Such a scar cannot be removed even with the fact that the main character guy was technically an adult, so he couldn’t have fallen in love with the girl.
…though, with that fact now acknowledged, this dilemma is now awkward to speak about, so we’ll be moving on.
“Ryan and I are getting married, so you can’t speak to him like that.”
“You realize you will never get sober if you stay with him. Ever.”
“Emilia’s addiction is not Ryan’s fault, so-”
Lillie: “...what’s this show called again?”
Arven: “Private Practice.”
Penny: “I gave you shit about this show being a softer version of Grey’s Anatomy, but wow, it’s actually really good.”
Arven: “You mean that?”
Penny: “Fuck, I really actually do.”
Arven: “Huh.”
Penny: “I was gonna do that whole ‘Oh, just kidding. This show is piss!’ but really, I-“
Nemona: “Pick up the goddamn phone, Florian!”
While the four were staying inside of Florian’s room while watching Private Practice, Nemona was busy trying to contact her Piplup, who has been ignoring her calls, though most likely unintentionally. For his whereabouts, Florian could be found next to his new boyfriend, Sun, who he is currently having fun with in Mesagoza Square.
Are they dating? No, but the bromance brewing between the both of them is pretty gay.
Arven: “He’s not gonna answer, you know? Flor’s been busy with that asshole for literally the past three days.”
Lillie: “Call him that again, and I’m going to sick Nebby onto you.”
Arven: “Hey, defend your boyfriend all you want, but-”
Lillie: “HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!”
Penny: “And right in my fucking ear.”
Arven: “...but your boyfriend is the reason why we’ve been feeling so lonely and cucked in this room.”
Penny: “Not gonna lie, Arven’s right.”
Nemona: “Your slut of a boyfriend stole my Piplup from me!”
Penny: “Holy shit.”
Arven: “Woah!”
Lillie: “H-He’s not my-!...i-it’s not my fault that it was your whore that took Elio from me!”
Penny: “Are you two slut shaming the both of them? That’s literally fucking insane.”
Arven: “Can you even call a guy a slut? That seems wrong.”
Lillie: “Knock it off with the blatant sexism, Arven!”
Arven: “What the fuck?! Are you serious?!”
Penny: “Guys! Open the fucking window so your voices don’t reverberate in this goddamn room!”
Nemona: “God! Everything was going well until you two came around! Me and Florian were this close to having a child, but then you and that asshole had to stoll onto my private beach on that Lion and-”
Sniffling could be heard coming from the blonde as she began to wipe away the tears falling from her eyes. While what Nemona had said surprised Penny and Arven with concern, seeing someone as seemingly angelic as Lillie cry caused them to feel bad enough to pause the TV. As for Nemona, this was probably the first time she felt the resemblance of guilt for being an asshole.
What an asshole.
Nemona: “Oh…shit…I, uh…I-I’m sorry….”
Arven: “Way to go, asshole.”
Penny: “That’s what I’m saying.”
Lillie: “I-...I-I just wanted to s-spend time with E-Elio and-”
Penny: “And then he steals our best friend away from us.”
Lillie began to cry even harder, causing Nemona and Arven to finally unite as one, and throw a nearby pillow at Penny. Unfortunately, Penny has been playing Smite pretty often, so her reflexes are on point. She did a dodge to a left, and the pillow hit the fucking TV, and it fell. The sound of 8k high-def something something glass breaking could be heard throughout the room as shards of 8k high-def something something glass sprayed everywhere.
Nemona: “Damn it. Why do we keep breaking his stuff?”
Penny: “FUCK! There’s sand, peanut shells, walnut shells, and glass everywhere now!”
Arven: “God, I miss Florian.”
Lillie: “I-I miss E-Elio.”
Nemona: “What the hell are we doing?”
Penny: “We were watching Private Practice.”
Nemona: “No, I mean this. Why are we just sitting around while our respective best friends whore themselves for each other?”
Arven: “I really don’t feel uncomfortable with calling Florian a whore…but I’m cool if it’s Sun.”
Lillie: “F-Fuck you.”
Penny: “So what are you suggesting?”
Nemona: “What I’m suggesting is that we take back what’s ours, go our separate ways, and go back to how things should be.”
Arven: “So…you want us to become highly possessive like you are, and break up Florian and Sun’s friendship with each other?”
Nemona: “Si.”
Lillie: “L-Let’s-...Let’s f-fucking go for i-it.”
Penny: “Oh shit, this is going to be fun. Are we going to do the Parent Trap type of planning? Because I got a couple of ideas that we could do.”
Lillie: “E-Elio likes movie references l-like that.”
Arven: “I’m uncreative when it comes to being highly possessive, so I’ll just follow anybody’s lead, honestly.”
Nemona: “Well, I didn’t become Student Council President by just dicking around, after all. While I was sleeping inside of Florian’s room with him-“
Penny: “Are you trying to brag? That doesn’t seem like a necessary fact to include in this planning.”
Arven: “Haha, you’re jealous.”
Penny: “Shut!”
Nemona: “…I was secretly planning some plans for us so we can separate those two from each other.”
Lillie: “W-What…what d-did you have in m-mind?”
Nemona: “I have about three really good plans.”
Penny: “Are they actually good plans?”
Nemona: “Yes, because I just fucking said they were really good plans.”
Dumbass.
Arven: “Not saying you’re stupid and possessive and a freak-“
Nemona: “None of that was necessary.”
Arven: “…but maybe we should hear what Penny’s plan is, first.”
Penny: “Alright - So I was thinking we frame Sun for some espionage shit. Like, I can hack into his phone and download lots of Pokémon porn into it, and then we-“
Arven: “Woah, woah! Arceus Christ! What the actual fuck is wrong with you?!”
Lillie: “Y-You’re not d-doing that to my Sun.”
Nemona: “I…I was seriously invested in what you had to say until…w-wow.“
Penny: “Okay, okay. I didn’t realize what I said was that crazy.”
Arven: “You’re just as unhinged as Nemona.”
Penny: “Fuck, I really do feel self-conscious now.”
Lillie: “W-What’s… what’s your plan, Nemona?”
Nemona: “Alright. So you gotta follow everything I say to the very littlest details, or else it’s not going to work.”
Arven: “She’s either gaslighting us into believing her plan, or she’s not full of shit. Either way, this seems like it’s going to be really fucky.”
Penny: “Oh yeah.”
The blonde girl wiped her eyes for the very last time.
Lillie: “Let’s fucking do it.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Plan 1:
Sun: “So apparently, there’s like four different types of soy sauces in the world.”
Florian: “Oh really?”
Sun: “Yeah. I mean, there’s probably more out there, but what I do know, there’s light, dark, Kantonian low-sodium, and mushroom soy sauce.”
Florian: “I bet Arven knows more about that. He’s a really great cook, y’know?”
Sun: “He seems okay. I just don’t like how he talks to Lillie.”
Florian: “Arven has some problems with communicating with people, but I promise he’s a really good friend. He’s the reason I’m not afraid of battling wild Pokémon.”
Sun: “Hmm? Yeah?”
Florian: “I was starting off as a trainer when he asked me to fight some Titan Pokemon with him. After dodging giant boulders and almost drowning in the middle of a lake, I don’t fear getting encountered by wild Pokemon anymore!”
Sun: “Wow, that seems really fucked.”
Florian: “It’s okay. He makes me sandwiches afterwards.”
Sun: “Does he make ice cream too? Or, Gelato? Whatever it’s called.”
Florian: “Nope. Only sandwiches.”
Sun: “Huh. Good thing there’s a bunch of ice cream stands in this Square, then.”
As aforementioned, Florian and Sun could be found at a random table near the center of the Mesagoza square. Besides the plethora of accessory and sandwich shops scattered across town, there are also a bunch of gelato stands since the weather in Southern Paldea is fucking hot. And so, Florian and Sun are both consuming cookies & crème and mint gelato, respectively.
If that matters to anyone.
Florian: “I heard Gelato isn’t even Paldean originated.”
Sun: “I heard something about that too. It’s from, what, the Orre region?”
Florian: “The place with the Colosseum?”
Sun: “And all that desert shit, too. That place has a bunch of weird ass people with weird ass-“
“Hey there. It looks like you two are having some gelato there.”
From around the corner of Florian and Sun’s eyes, a mysterious hooded figure approached the table of the two boys as she stuffed her hands inside her hoodie pockets.
Not Penny: “From what I can tell from how you’re licking your ice cream…you must really enjoy it, don’t you?”
Florian: “Yup! Cookies and crème is my favorite.”
Sun: “Uh….”
Not Penny: “And you got it from this stand over here?”
Florian: “Yes, we did. Did you want to get some too?”
Not Penny: “Oh, I don’t want their ice cream. I make my own, you know?”
Florian: “Wow~, you do?”
Sun: “Yo, Flor. I think we should probably move away from-“
Not Penny: “I make the best ice cream in the region. In fact, I got my own special place for it in the nearby fields. I could take you there if you want…but I only have room on my giant, awesome lion for you only.”
Florian: “Hmm…I don’t want to leave my friend behind, though.”
Sun: “Florian, this is extremely uncomfort-“
Not Penny: “How about this? I’ll take you to my special place first, and then I’ll come back and pick your friend up if he wants to.”
Florian: “What do you think, Sun?”
Sun: “Seriously?”
Not Penny: “Come on. You gotta make the decision now, or else you’ll never see me again.”
And with that, the hooded figure nonchalantly walks backward as a giant fucking white Sun Lion van could be found hiding behind a corner of the local sandwich shop with terrified occupants inside. Some of them can be found calling the local police, but since they were defunded, none of their calls were getting through.
Not Penny: “Just get on top of my white lion, Florian. It’s not that hard.”
Florian: “No, thank you. I think I’m okay.”
Not Penny: “Why not? Are you afraid of not seeing your friends and family again? I promise that you’ll definitely return to them unharmed and not defile-“
Sun: “Hey, isn’t that Nebby?”
It is Penny: “FUCK! THE PLAN DIDN’T WORK! ABORT!”
The hooded figure ran toward the Lion, hopped on, and gave it a whoop before the white Sun Lion van made a roar which summoned a portal into Ultra Space. As the Hooded figure began to scream for their dear life as the giant fucking Lion galloped into a dimension with unfathomable, eldritch-like creatures, Sun and Florian only stared as they vanished into the portal.
Florian: “Wow, I've never seen that before.”
Sun: “Dude, Flor. What the fuck was that?”
Florian: “W-What?”
Sun: “You have like zero stranger danger senses on you.”
Florian: “But it was just Penny.”
Sun: “Wait, you knew it was her?”
Florian: “Well…yeah? She was wearing the same hoodie and backpack and everything…and she even said my name.”
Sun: “Oh.”
Florian: “D-Did…did you really think I didn’t know it was her? I’m almost the same age as you, Sun. I know when I should trust a stranger and when I shouldn’t.”
Sun: “I still can’t believe you’re only a year younger than me.”
However old he is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Plan 2:
Sun: “Oh, shit. Hey, Lillie.”
Lillie: “Hi, Elio. How’s the day been with Florian?”
Sun: “It was pretty cool. Besides some weird shit with his friend, we got some gelato and talked a lot with each other.”
Lillie: “Oh really? Tell me more.”
Sun: “You know how his friend keeps molesting him in front of us, right?”
Lillie: “U-huh.”
Sun: “I asked Flor about it, and he said that he only lets her do that because he sometimes likes the attention that she gives him.”
Lillie: “That makes sense.”
Sun: “But he told me that whenever he feels really uncomfortable, he talks to Nemona, and she’ll actually dial it back so he’ll feel comfortable again.”
Lillie: “That’s really interesting.”
Sun: “Is it? I still think she’s grooming him.”
It was close to midnight as Sun and Lillie could be found staying at one of the many guest rooms in Nemona’s mansion. Normally, they could afford to rent out a room at a nearby hotel since they’re filthy bourgeoisie, but through Florian’s insistence, Nemona gave into the boy with the stupid hat’s request and granted the blonde duo, but technically a blonde and a faux-blonde, a room. As scandalous as sharing a room together might be, there were two California king-size beds in the room for them to have for their own. Weirdly enough, none of them knew why it was called a California King, or where California was.
If it even exists.
Sun: “You do anything cool with Florian’s friends?”
Lillie: “Not really. We just watched Private Practice, Is it Cake? and some other stuff.”
Sun: “See, I only got into two episodes of Private Practice before I dropped it. I thought that maybe Grey’s Anatomy would be better, but I dropped that shit halfway into season two. So really, the only medical drama show I can tolerate is House.”
Lillie: “I can agree with that.”
Sun: “Oh, and Is it Cake?’s host sucks ass.”
Lillie: “Shouldn’t you like it then?”
Sun: “Pfft, what the heck.”
Smoothly and nonchalantly, Lillie slowly slipped from her mattress and sat on Sun’s with him about a couple of feet away from her.
Lillie: “So, what exactly did you do with Florian today?”
Sun: “…uh…we just talked and ate gelato like I said.”
Lillie: “Talked about what?”
Sun: “We-…well, I told him something about how there are four different types of soy sauce in the world.”
Lillie: “Light, dark, Kantonion low-sodium, and mushroom?”
Sun: “Bingo.”
Lillie: “And that was all you did with him?”
Lillie began to close the distance between Sun.
Sun: “…y-yeah…that’s, uh…that’s pretty much all we did.”
Lillie: “Paldea sure is nice, isn’t it? It must be great to finally have a break from all your champion duties, huh?”
Sun: “W-Well, I mean, I didn’t tell anyone about my whereabouts yet, so Professor Kukui is going to kick my ass when I get home.”
Lillie: “I bet if you told him that you were with Florian, he’d be okay with it.”
Sun: “Why would-…oh…are you, uh…mad at me?”
Lillie: “No, why would I be mad at you?”
At this point, Lillie was basically next to Sun.
Sun: “Well…y-y’know…for spending the last few days with Florian….”
Lillie: “Oh, I don’t mind. After all, you’ve been really enjoying yourself in his company, haven’t you?”
Sun: “W-Why are you saying it like that?”
Lillie: “Why are you stuttering?”
Onto Sun’s thigh, Lillie began to rub her hand on it.
Sun: “W-Woah, w-what the heck are you doing?”
Lillie: “Me? Just making sure you don’t get a cramp after that whole day of being with Florian.”
Sun: “Uh..t-thanks…but I-I think I’m good.”
Lillie: “Just let me do this to you.”
Sun: “...L-Lillie, come on. K-Knock it off. You’re touching me weirdly like Nemona does to-“
Lillie: “Oh, so you let her touch you also?”
Sun: “W-What?! N-No!”
Lillie: “I see. So you only let Florian touch you like this, then?”
Sun: “Lillie, w-what the heck?! I-I don’t let anyone touch me l-like this!”
Lillie: “After spending the whole day with him? I don’t believe you.”
Lillie began to squeeze Sun’s thigh as if it were dough.
Sun: “D-Dude, L-Lillie, please, y-you’re making me feel uncomfortable.”
Lillie: “What’s weird about this? I thought I was your best homie.”
Sun: “W-Well, yeah, but-“
Lillie: “You mean so much to me, you know that? You saved me from Mother when she wasn’t in her right mind, and you gave her back to me just as she was before Father disappeared.”
Sun: “W-Why does this sound like some gas-lighting stuff?”
Lillie: “Why did you have to spend the entire day with Florian?”
Her fragile fingertips began to journey their way to Sun’s forearms.
Sun: “L-Look. I-I get you’re mad at me for spending more time with him than I have with you here, but I really don’t like what’s happening right now.”
Lillie: “But I’m not hurting you, am I? In fact, I don’t think I can hurt you. You’re stronger than me, after all.”
Sun: “…o-oh, I get it now. A-All this guilt-tripping and gaslighting crap is somehow getting back at me, haha~.”
Lillie: “I’m not playing no games.”
With uncharacteristic strength, Lillie pushed Sun into his back and climbed over him, sans physical contact.
Sun: “L-Lillie, what the heck are you doing?!”
Lillie: “Do you know how I felt after you whored yourself out to Florian today?”
Sun: “W-What the f-fuck?!”
Lillie: “It was like my best friend forgot about me, and decided to go for the guy who seemed to gather his attention more than I could ever do.”
Sun: “L-Lillie, I-I’m not gay!”
Lillie: “That’s what Arven says, but I don’t believe that shit for even a second.”
While her hands grasped that of Sun’s wrists, it wasn’t as tightly as a chain on a sweatshop factory worker’s ankle. Lillie was still weak, but this vulnerable position that Sun found himself in caused him to replace the last letter in his name with a b. B as in bitch, or B as in Bottom. Either way, it spells out Sub.
Sun: “W-What the heck are you g-going to do!?”
Lillie: “I’m going to make sure you won’t ever scorn me again, and I’m going to make sure you don’t go back to that slut again.”
Sun: “O-Oh God, this is j-just like when you had that fever that one time.”
Lillie: “Except this time, I’m going to make sure I go all the- FUCK! I CAN’T DO THIS! ”
With a shrill, Lillie threw herself off of Sun and began to scream into the nearby pillow like a sweatshop worker at Build-a-bear.
Lillie: “ I’M SORRY, ELIO! I DIDN’T MEAN ANYTHING I SAID! ”
Sun: “W-What…what the h-heck were you doing, Lillie!?”
Lillie: “I-I WAS JUST GOING TO TICKLE YOU, B-BUT THEN YOU STARTED TO LOOK AT ME WITH TEARS IN YOUR EYES AND- FUCK! J-JUST FORGET THIS EVER HAPPENED!”
Sun: “…you weren’t going to molest me?”
Lillie: “ IS THAT WHAT YOU THOUGHT I WAS DOING?! ”
Sun: “…well, you basically did insinuate that I was a whore, so-.”
More screaming ensued.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lillie: “What the fuck were you going to make me do?!”
Nemona: “What?”
Lillie: “I followed your plan like you said, and all I did was make myself look like you!”
Nemona: “Did you reassure him that you wouldn’t ever hurt him as you took off his shirt?”
Lillie: “N-No! W-What the fuck do you think that’s going to look like?!”
Nemona: “I don’t know, a tickle session?”
Lillie: “Wha-…P-Penny! Back me up on this!”
Penny: “…”
Lillie: “…Penny?”
Penny: “…is this real?”
Nemona: “… si?”
Lillie: “Oh, you went through the wormhole, didn’t you?”
Lillie, Nemona, and Penny could be found sitting around at a nearby table in the middle of Mesagoza square. Besides Lillie and Nemona, who shared a plate of paella - if that matters to anyone, Penny could be found sitting almost catatonically-like, similar to how a sweatshop worker finds out that they’re going to have another child to feed. It could be understandable because, after all, Penny had entered into an unknown territory of reality in her attempts to abduct Florian. While initially mad at Nemona for making her do that stupid ass plan, the sheer, overwhelming sensory overload of everything incomprehensible to Penny caused her mind to go blank and subsided any sort of emotion other than catatonia . She’ll get over it eventually.
Maybe.
Nemona: “I know my plans weren’t what you were hoping for, but I did go over them with you all. So really, how can you be angry at me if you didn’t disagree with me during the planning phase?”
Lillie: “B-Because! You kept saying it was going to work!”
Nemona: “Lillie, please. I said it was going to work unless you do the entire plan from-“
Lillie: “There’s no way in hell I was going to take his shirt off!”
Nemona: “Did you touch him in suggestive ways?”
Lillie: “He thought I was going to molest him!”
Nemona: “It should be okay since you like him, right?”
Lillie: “I-I can’t believe you would ever suggest-“
Penny: “Why does the light hurt?”
Nemona: “Oh, wait, guys, shut up. — Look.”
Plan 3:
Sun: “Fuck, yesterday was really weird.”
Florian: “How so?”
Sun: “Well, first, your friend showed up and tried to candy man lure you onto Nebby, and then Lillie started to-…n-never mind.”
Florian: “You okay, Sun?”
Sun: “…y-yeah…just a bit shaken up after what Lillie did last night.”
Florian: “What did she-“
Sun: “D-Don’t worry about it. It was my fault for what she did to me.… ”
Lillie could be seen digging her hands into her face as Nemona raised an eyebrow at her.
Florian: “Do you want to talk about it?”
Sun: “Nah. I’ll just repress the memories and pretend that she only did it because I was asking for it.”
Florian: “T-That doesn’t sound healthy.”
Sun: “It’s not, but like, does it really matter if it was?”
Florian: “Penny would probably call that neurotic, but I’m not sure what that even means.”
Sun: “Fuck, maybe it is neurotic, but shit. It’s kinda fun with all the shenanigans that’s been happening.”
Florian: “Oh, look! It’s Arven and…Penny’s friends?...why are they walking toward us?”
Sun: “Shenanigans are about to happen again."
As if the Kantonian word for menacing began to onomatopoeically appear in clear visible words, Arven began to approach the possibly not gay duo with the company of Atticus, Mela, and Giacomo.
Giacomo: “Ortie’ would have definitely wanted to come, you know?”
Mella: “I couldn’t find his fuckin’ ass, okay? He’s somewhere off getting pegged by Eri or something.”
Atticus: “Such a horrific visualization for you to say.”
Mella: “What? Are you homophobic like this dipshit?”
Arven: “I’d argue with you, but you scare me a little bit.”
Mella: “Pussy.”
Florian: “Hello~.”
Giacomo: “Flor!”
Atticus: “Salutations.”
Mela: “Hey.”
Pussy: “Hey, Little Buddy.”
Sun: “What a colorful cast of pastel characters.”
Mela: “The fuck? Are you insulting us?”
Sun: “Kinda.”
Giacomo: “I’m not an artist, but I don’t think any of our clothes are pastel.”
Sun: “Yeah, I don’t honestly know what pastel means.”
Florian: “So what are you guys doing all together? I would have never thought to see you four hanging out.”
Arven: “Yeah…about that….”
As if on cue, a big white Bombirdier slowly began to pull up behind the unusual quartet, scaring any locals that were happening to pass by. A few people can be seen calling the Paldean Pokemon rangers, but just like the police, they were also defunded and not answering calls for the moment.
Sun: “Oh, God. I fucking hate birds.”
Florian: “Woah~, isn’t that the Bombirdier we fought a while ago?”
Arven: “Yup, and I was able to adopt it since we technically ruined its habitat, but that’s beside the point – Giacomo.”
Giacomo: “Whatsup?”
Arven: “... the thing.”
Giacomo: “Huh? Oh. Shit. Right.”
The Team skull- looking member of Team Star began to take out a mixer from his backpack as Mela rolled her eyes and Atticus slowly, discreetly, began to move forward.
Giacomo: “So check it out – I wanted Penny’s bestest friend to hear one of the mixtapes I made just last night.”
Florian: “Aw, that’s nice of you, but I like to think we’re all her best friends.”
Arven: “Not me. I still fucking hate her.”
Sun: “I don’t know her that well.”
Giacomo: “I thought it be cool to add some violins and some scripture quotes from The Poké-Bible to my song, so I started to go to church on Sundays to get some inspir-”
Mela: “Can we just fucking do this already?”
Florian: “Do wha-”
Atticus, who happen to be culturally appropriating Sun’s culture since he was dressed up as a Ninja, stealthily withdrew his hands from his pocket. In a quick motion, he threw a handful amounts of sand directly into Sun’s eyes.
Sun: “FUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKK!!!”
Florian: “W-What?! W-What are you-!”
Mela: “GRAB HIM!”
As Sun began to writhe on the ground in sandy agony, Arven and Mela hastily rushed forward and began to carry kidnap Florian to their Big white van.
Sorry, I meant Bombirdier.
Florian: “L-Let go of me!”
Mela: “Stop fuckin’ struggling! Just let this happen!”
Arven: “Eugh! Don’t say it like that!”
Giacomo: “What the fuck was that?!”
Atticus: “Pardon?”
Giacomo: “I-I thought I was just going to play my mixtape for him! Not whatever the fuck is happening right now!”
Mela: “Yeah?! Well, maybe next time, don’t play your mixtape all fuckin’ night! ”
Sun: “MY EYES!”
Arven: “On the bird! Go! Go!”
With a swift mount, the unusual quartet and their victim held on tight as the Big white Bombirdier prepared its wings and caused a shockwave to knock down any standing bystander nearby as it flew upwards. While there weren’t any wormholes formed as the Bird took flight, the fact that a giant fucking Bombirdier was flying about caused many of the locals to panic and call the police.
Unfortunately, as they were defunded, none of the-
Nemona: “Nice!~ The operation was a success!”
Lillie: “W-What the fuck kind of plan was this?!”
Nemona: “What? I thought you wanted to separate Florian from your whore?”
Lillie: “Christ! – E-Elio!”
Nemona: “Come on, Penny. I don’t think Piplup would like it if I left you defenseless in the middle of the square. The police won’t be here to protect you, y’know? Not since they were defun-”
Penny: “Don’t touch me.”
Nemona: “You’re back to normal?”
Penny: “Yeah. I think I just discovered how to repress memories at will.”
Nemona: “Hmm. I don’t really care what happens to you, but that sounds really neurotic.”
Penny: “That’s what I’m fuckin’ saying.”
Lillie rushed forward, pushing Nemona and Penny out of her way.
Penny: “I wasn’t even in your goddamn way!”
Nemona: “Owch.”
Lillie: “E-Elio?!...a-are you okay?!”
Sun: “M-My eyes, Lillie…t-they took my e-eyesight….”
Penny: “Oh, it’s just sand, you pussy.”
Pussy: “I-It hurts so much…i-is this was Stevie Wonder s-sees all the time?”
Nemona: “I heard that he wasn’t entirely blind.”
Penny: “Yeah. Mr. Wonder is legally blind, or some shit – I don’t really care.”
Lillie: “D-Does anyone have any water?!”
Penny: “I got some Mountain Dew. I’m not sure what it’s gonna do to his eyes, but fuck me, let’s do a scientific hypothesis.”
Nemona: “It’s study. Not hypothesis.”
Penny: “Don’t correct my-”
Lillie: “GIVE ME YOUR MOUNTAIN DEW!”
Penny: “Arceus! Okay!”
Out of fear, Penny chucks one of her extra cans of acid to Lillie.
What a pussy.
Pussy: “Damn. I think that was my last can.”
Nemona: “Why do you even have one with you?”
Penny: “Because sometimes Florian doesn’t have any good drinks in his dorm. It’s just apple juice and fuckin’ walnut milk.”
Sun: “...I-I didn’t know there’s walnut milk.”
Penny: “Yeah, right? I’m sure there’s a lot of milks made from nuts, but all I can think of is almond milk, peanut milk, walnut milk, and-”
Sun: “I-I didn’t ask for a fucking list about milks.”
Penny: “Alright, fuck you then.”
Lillie: “I-It’s fine, E-Elio…w-we’ll get you through this…i-it won’t be that bad when you r-recover….”
Nemona: “My God – It’s just sand.”
Sun: “D-Don’t tell me it’s from your beach. I-I don’t want to get sued for theft by you.”
Nemona: “Oh. So now you care about not wanting to steal other people’s possession, you slut.”
After a few moments of having Mountain Dew poured over his eyes, Sun sat up and rubbed his eyes.
Sun: “F-Fuck, that hurt.”
Lillie: “...you okay?”
Sun: “I’m good. Thanks, Lillie.”
Sun and Lillie began to look at Penny and Nemona.
Sun: “...”
Lillie: “...”
Penny: “...”
Nemona: “...so……yeah.”
Sun: “...yeah, what?”
Nemona: “Don’t steal our best friend away from us again, you whore.”
Lillie: “Stop calling him that!”
Sun: “Hey, dude. It’s not my fault Florian wanted to be with someone who doesn’t make a plan to throw fucking sand at people!”
Lillie: “D-Don’t say it like that!”
Penny: “You got your priorities wrong, Blondie.”
Sun: “We were only here for like three days! Maybe four!”
Penny: “Five.”
Nemona: “Five days for you to steal Florian away from us and abandon your girlfriend!”
Sun: “WE’RE NOT-”
Lillie: “WE’R NOT-”
Penny: “Not in my fucking ear, dude. Seriously.”
Sun: “Me and Florian were only hanging out for a couple of hours a day! It’s not even that long compared to the rest of the fucking day when we spend it with our respective friends!”
Nemona: “Still! You were holding hands with Florian sometimes!”
Sun: “I-I thought he was just being nice!”
Nemona: “Oh, so you’re saying that Florian was asking for it?”
Sun: “Where the fuck did you get that insinuation?!”
Penny: “That’s what I’m saying.”
Lillie: “E-Elio, I didn’t mean for this to all happen.”
Sun: “T-The heck, though, Lillie? Why would you even go along with these two?”
Penny: “Don’t forget Arven. He made this plan.”
Nemona: “I did, actually.”
Penny: “I was trying to deflect blame off you, but okay.”
Sun: “Eugh! Fine! I admit that it was weird to hold hands with him with fingers interlaced, but Valentine’s Day is in a month, so I don’t get why all of this had to happen! It’s not like I was going to make him my sweetheart or anything!”
Penny: “Three months.”
Sun: “What?”
Penny: “You said Valentine’s Day is in a month – It’s three months.”
The blonde duo look confusingly at the redhead with something-
Sun: “What the heck are you talking about?”
Lillie: “Valentine’s Day is in February.”
Penny: “Yeah. I know it’s in February. But it’s November. Add it up by three months, and it’s February.”
Nemona: “Did they not teach PEMDAS in Alola?”
Penny: “That’s what I’m-”
Sun: “W-What the fuck do you mean it’s November?!”
Lillie: “Oh God…oh my god…i-is that why all the movies in theaters were completely new that day we first arrived?! I-It’s not January?!”
Penny: “Yeah…I’m pretty sure it’s November….”
Lillie: “W-What year?!”
Penny: “Still in the year of our lord of 2023.”
Sun: “I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL HAU!”
Lillie: “E-Elio! We need to get back! Everyone is going to think-!”
Sun: “Already on it!”
With a flick of a Pokeball in hand, Nebby bursted out of the small ball with a roar that caused a couple of the nearby windows from the local stores to shatter .
Sun: “Fuck! – I’ll just send the money to the town’s Mayor or something for those windows!”
Nemona: “Oh, you know what? Do we even have a mayor?”
Penny: “Shit, probably? Why wouldn’t we?”
Lillie: “T-Thanks for letting us stay in your house, Nemona! But I don’t think we’ll come back here again!”
Sun: “God! Professor Kukui is going to beat my ass!...fuck! And my mom will probably join in too!”
Lillie: "M-Me too!...again!"
Nemona: “At least your mom pays attention to you.”
Sun: “Tell Florian I said I’m sorry for leaving! Also, fuck the both of you!”
With yet another roar, the blonde duo held on tight as Nebby leaped into a wormhole, never to be seen in Paldea again.
I think.
Penny: “...”
Nemona: “...”
Penny: "You know, funnily enough, with all the shit we did, this could actually be considered a form of terrorism."
Nemona: "...okay?"
Penny: "What - You're not going to say anything about it?"
Nemona: "There's nothing funny about terrorism."
Penny: "Alright then."
Nemona: "..."
Penny: "..."
Nemona: "..."
Penny: “...wanna get some food?”
Nemona: “I’m going to see my Piplup.”
Penny: “Yeah, you right. I don’t even fucking like you to eat with you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Florian: “So apparently there's about four different types of soy sauce in the world, but I’m not sure what the names for them were….”
Arven: “Light, dark, Kantonian light-sodium, and mushroom?”
Florian: “Yeah! Those!”
Mela: “Okay.”
Giacomo: “Interesting.”
Atticus: “Does thou use such condiments?”
Arven: “Me? – Nah. I just make sandwiches most of the time.”
Atticus: “Ah. Well. If you ever need such…experience…in learning how to use them, I would be more than happy to help serve.”
Arven: “...why are you saying it like that.”
Mela: “We told him to lessen the finicky part of his speaking because we got tired from having to decipher what the fuck he says sometimes.”
Giacomo: “Talking to him has been easier. I just wish it was for some others.”
Mela: “And what the hell do you mean by that?”
Giacomo: “Nothing.”
Mela: “Nah. That didn’t sound like fuckin’ nothing. Did you want me to get the boots again?!”
Giacomo: “N-No! I’m sorry!”
Arven: “Christ. Are you abusing him?”
Florian: “Oh! I didn’t know you two are together now!”
Arven: “That’s what you took from what she said?"
Giacomo: "We started dating about a couple of months back."
Mela: "I started fucking his ass about a couple months back."
Arven: "Oh God."
Mela: "Nah, I'm just kidding - But can you imagine? I'll fucking do it if he cheats on me."
Giacomo: "I might like it, too."
Atticus: “They approach.”
On top of a nearby hill far from the jurisdiction of the defunded police, the unusual quartet – and Florian – were steadily approached by a highly possessive pair of girls.
Florian: “Hello~.”
Nemona: “Piplup! There you are!”
Arven: “And us too, yay.”
Penny: “Dude, that was the most funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.”
Mela: “It was like when posted-up on those piece of shit bullies in the past, right?!”
Penny: “That’s what I’m saying.”
Giacomo: “For real.”
Mela: “Damn right.”
Atticus: “Tis’.”
Nemona: “What made you think it was okay to do what you did?”
Florian: “W-What? W-What did I-”
Nemona: “Don’t look at them. Look at me.”
Penny: “Christ. Maybe Lillie was right.”
Arven: “I’d stop her, but she scares me, too.”
Mela: “Pussy.”
Penny: “Bitch.”
Nemona: “He left, you know? He told me he was only using you. He doesn’t care about you like I do.”
Florian: “H-He said that?”
Penny: “Nah, but he might as well.”
Arven: “Eugh, I didn’t even like those two that much. Lillie kept talking to only Sun, and he kept talking about movies and some obscured references.”
Penny: “Maybe you need to expand your repertoire of movies instead of just watching Private Practice.”
Arven: "Maybe you should shut the fuck up."
Florian: "Arven!"
Nemona: "Don't fucking turn away from me."
Mela: “Oh shit. You watch Private Practice?”
Arven: “Y-Yeah, I actually do. You too?”
Mela: “What am I – Gay? Fuck no.”
Giacomo: “I mean, sometimes I do.”
Atticus: “As do I.”
Arven: “Oh. Of course, the gay Ninja would.”
Squinting, Atticus slips his hands into his pockets which contain the sand from before.
Arven: “Don’t you fucking do it.”
Atticus: “Tis’ a free country, is it not? - Why does thou tell me what to do?"
Bede: "You said how low were our views for the Galar Tour Special?"
Marnie: "They were really fucking low."
Bede: "Damn it! Why doesn't anyone want to watch us?! We're better than those fuckin' Paldean assholes and their tour special!"
Marnie: "What? Are you racist to Paldeans?"
Bede: "I'm not! But what the hell is Victor doing?! What kind of Champion messes up on advertising the region?!"
Marnie: "He had Gloria take control of the speaking for most of the special, but because she speaks with such a heavy accent, no one understood what she was saying."
Bede: "Eugh. I don't know what you see in him. He's an idiot for doing that."
Marnie: "And you're fruity for wearing that pink outfit."
Bede: "It looks nice on me! And I thought this was a free country! Why are you-!"
Marnie: "Oh, please. Is it really free?"
Bede: "Yeah, you're right."