Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

*

"I don't care if he owns all of Mississippi...  when he's in my city, he dances to my tune. I've already said we won't provide that kind of service anymore. The data he needs is confidential and could destroy all his competitors—that's not fair. He can't threaten my people in my city. Period." I needed to say it. My flaws go far beyond what is acceptable, but when it comes to my business, I don't tolerate being overruled by any man, least of all one so far beneath me.

"But ma'am... I can't just tell him that the service he's been paying for over thirty years is being canceled overnight... The boss won't be happy." He sighed, still insisting on arguing with me.

He thinks it's reasonable for one man to control an entire network of gas stations in a single state, as if that doesn't have consequences across the whole country. He must be dumber than I thought if he believed I'd agree. As dumb as the boss he's so loyal to.

"Oh, you can't? Do you have another boss besides me? Fine..." I replied, ready to sever ties more decisively than I had in years.

I delicately dialed my phone, wearing my best smile for the idiot in front of me.

"Mary, please ask security to escort our former employee Gary out of my office and remove him from the employee list." I smiled at the man whose eyes were now wide with shock.

"What do you think you're doing? You can't fire me..." he said, clearly stunned.

"I'm doing what I should have done 28 years ago when I took over this company—cleaning house and getting rid of the rats. If you're not with me, you're against me." I said it softly.

The security guards entered the room, carrying him out as he spat threats and insults.

"Don't expect a recommendation for your next job," I barked, settling heavily into my chair, wishing I could somehow leave this life behind.

Too bad that it can't be bought. 

I pressed my fingers to my temples, sensing the headache that was about to hit. God, it was exhausting to live like this, but now, everything was going to change. If I wanted any chance at redemption, I would have to change everything.

My thoughts, like every day lately, drifted back to something that had been keeping me awake at night, but had also kept me more sane than ever before.

Katherine.

20 years ago.

"Mama, could I have toys?"

"Why the hell would you want idiotic, useless toys? Have you lost your mind?"

I had so many papers to read, and this girl always brought up the most random things. It was exhausting. I never should have gotten involved with that damned man.

...

18 years ago.

"Katherine Elizabeth Bishop, what the hell were you thinking, breaking my fine porcelain chinese plates? Do you know how much those cost?"

"I'm sorry, mother..."

"Oh, you will be..." I said, reaching for the belt I knew she feared the most. This girl would learn one way or another never to disobey me.

...

16 years ago.

"You’ve been cooking your own food and doing your own laundry for years to learn how to be a strong woman, like me."

"I will never be like you. You're just a monster. One day, I'll get my revenge."

...

"I'm going to tell everyone it was you who broke my arm, that you make me cook, and that you're a terrible mother."

The punch I gave her split her lip, and I hoped it knocked out some teeth too. But it was enough for today.

"Tell everyone what happens here, and I'll have you committed."

...

15 years ago.

"Why the hell can't I eat at the table with you?"

"At my table, only polite people eat... Did you really think I wouldn't find out you’ve been seeing that girl? Are you some kind of freak now?"

"I'm not a freak. I like girls, and I'm not ashamed of it."

I hit her with a glass—it was the closest thing at hand. I definitely should have had an abortion when I had the chance. That damned man ruined everything, died, and left me with this burden.

...

"Mom, there's this cooking show, and I really like how they make things. Could you arrange for me to get some cooking lessons?"

I was preoccupied with other matters and told my secretary to schedule whatever with whoever the hell she wanted.

Maybe the discipline of a kitchen would teach her how to behave.

...

8 months ago.

She didn't answer me. She was hooked up to machines that kept her alive.

I had to sneak around, always avoiding her security. She didn’t hire corruptible men, but none of them objected when I said I needed to say goodbye.

...

2 months ago.

"You’re gonna pay the laundry bill..."

...

I recalled all these moments that brought me to where I am now. There were so many more instances of my aggression, so many more situations that shaped Kate into who she is today. She’s as powerful, if not more powerful, than I am now, because I molded her that way. I understand what Yelena explained to me now.

She has people in my circle bending to her will. Companies are canceling billion-dollar contracts with me just to do business with her. Her people constantly undermine my orders, and she doesn’t even realize she’s going against me—and against people far worse than either of us. But I know that if anyone could bring him down, it would be her.

The moment she finds out who has been walking with me all these years in crime, he will meet the same fate as I will: prison.

A few months ago, I found out she launched a full-scale operation, digging up every crime I've ever committed. She even has the NSA working for her. I always underestimated the hatred we nurtured over the years, but now I understand it perfectly. Everything has led us to this point.

Of everything... one thing remains certain: I gambled far too high when I messed with her family.

Those chefs took her out of every problem she ever had, and I kept sending more troubles her way because I wanted to see how long she could endure. I thought that, in time, she would lose everything and come crawling back under my wing. If she collapsed, it would be my chance to regain control. When all that chaos happened and she was no longer under their care, I truly believed she could be mine again. I’ve never been so wrong. I was blind for so long.

When I made that call to Kate, I realized how significant it was that she had gone up against Romanoff. It had to be. That day, I wanted news, because the word was that she had been keeping herself drunk and unreachable, but despite everything, she always answered my calls. I provoked her, kept her talking, made her tell me everything. That was my mission that day... She needed to stay sharp. She needed to feel something, but it didn’t work. Not even my provocation of visiting Yelena brought her back.

The idiot didn’t just refuse to come back—she made me cry for the first time in years with her death.

When I learned what happened to her, I went to the hospital, waited patiently for the security to slacken, and by security, I’m referring far more to Yelena and Natasha than any armed men. They were the fierce lions to be feared there.

Seeing her hooked up to those machines gave me a sense of helplessness that made me rethink my entire existence. I had never let myself consider the possibility of losing her in such a permanent way. I couldn’t fathom not speaking to her again.

A few days later, I was informed by a nurse that she had woken up, and only then did I feel relief again. Only then did I breathe again. That was another moment I cried for her—this time, out of relief. I should have changed everything right there.

But that’s not what I did.

I chose not to interfere... I chose not to seek her out... but fate presented itself to me in the form of a document from a business transaction.

That was when I decided to seek out Kate—not because I wanted to see her alive or because I felt the need to touch her in some way... No. I don’t think it was that sentimental. I told myself I was going after her because she had canceled and lost many advertising contracts after fleeing. Some of those advertisers broke their deals with me too, assuming we were somehow linked. That cost me three billion in investments.

She had helped me a lot over the years when I wanted to break her spirit. She was undisciplined, irresponsible, and wouldn't resist other women, even to save her own skin. Attacking her was always easy... that was my method because I needed her to do much more with the cards she had.

I hated that she squandered the talent I knew she had by being such a disaster of a person.

Now, I had the perfect excuse to go find her and see her new life. The truth is, I was curious, and I swear it was supposed to be a civilized conversation.

That’s not what we had.

I never counted on one crucial factor: Yelena Belova.

The moment I laid eyes on Yelena, I knew she was more—much more than the women I had expelled from my house. More than the girls I knew weren’t worth it and exposed in the tabloids.

The day I walked into Belova's and saw Yelena... she was far more than expected. She was Kate’s other half. Kate had finally found her equal. I knew, at that moment, Kate would never return to my control as long as she had a woman like that. So, I was torn during that meeting—surprised, awed, and intrigued by everything I saw in that place and in the eyes of that small, transparent woman.

She defended Kate from me. How dare she challenge me? And at the same time, she attacked me. Who the hell did this woman think she was?

I respected her the moment she pulled up a chair and sat at the table with us, seeming to have total control of the situation. But she paid for that day, simply because she threatened me. Everyone always pays. She would be no different. It didn’t matter that she had earned my approval and respect—she attacked me.

She disabled my protection systems, nearly made me cry. She offered me a kind of redemption I could never dream of receiving... To be honest, that day I still didn’t know what I wanted. I had only thought about it the day I learned Kate died, and the idea was lost amidst logistics.

That day, I had only gone to discuss business and see her awake again—not to meet my new challenge in that restaurant. I didn’t plan for things to unfold the way they did, but Yelena triggered all my instincts of fight and attack in that theatre. She also left me thinking about a life I had never imagined could be mine.

It was almost refreshing to have a new challenge.

I didn’t go there to show any connection, certainly not for anything more than another one of the battles we always had. To irritate, provoke, solve big things...

That’s not what any of us did.

Kate did something new and entirely out of character... She physically attacked me like an animal at the top of the food chain would. Yelena threatened me, mocked my fear, despite being respectful the whole time... and I just lost my mind, not knowing how to act and driven by a thirst for revenge.

Who did she think she was?

I should have accepted Yelena's offer, but that’s not what I did...

Yelena showed me just how wrong I had always been.

That day, I discovered that Kate had never truly wanted anything in her life—until Yelena and the life she had gained with those people. Kate had everything now, something she perhaps didn’t even know she wanted. And I, who had always attacked only her directly, this time went for her surroundings. I targeted the only thing I had ever seen her defend. She had defended Natasha and Clint, but had never had to deal with direct attacks on them.

I needed to push her final limit.  

So, I attacked the boy, and for a moment, I truly thought I had won. Only then did I realize how much bigger everything was... in that moment... I understood, through Yelena's punches, that this was actually my greatest defeat when it came to Kate.  

Doing that changed everything for me.  

*  

I was pulled out of my wave of unwanted memories by the sound of the phone ringing.  

"Ma’am, there's a Mr. Anderson Smith here to see you. He says it's important, about Miss Katherine..."  

"Send him in."  

I swiveled my chair, looking out at the buildings and the fading afternoon on the horizon. This city was too beautiful, and all I could ever see was the sunset from this chair every day. I hadn’t seen a sunset outdoors in years, and now I was going to be imprisoned. Maybe I’d travel before that happened.  

The noise of the door announced my uninvited guest, as unwanted as the nostalgia that had been filling the entire room to the ceiling.  

"Speak quickly... I don't know who you think you are, coming here without an appointment, but I'll listen. You have three minutes."  

I turned my chair to face him. He had that smug, happy look. He clearly thought he had something I would want.  

"I'm a photographer, and I've been following your daughter for almost a year now. I heard rumors that you pay the best for photos of her... I have some incredible moments... the magazines would die to see this." He smiled arrogantly, tossing a massive envelope onto my desk.  

I opened my drawer, pulled out my knife, and cut the envelope open, all while his triumphant look lingered, believing he had my full attention. Idiot.  

The first photo made me swallow back the urge to cry... it was Kate, dead. Barton was crying, holding her in his arms. I controlled every muscle in my face to keep from showing how much this affected me in front of a stranger.  

I truly thought she wouldn't make it. It was hard, but she endured. She always does. She’s strong. She's a Bishop, after all. She came from me. We always endure.  

I didn’t need to see the rest of the photos.  

"So, Mr. Smith... I take it as you're new in town, right?" I spat his name out with venom and sarcasm. He had definitely made a mistake showing up here today, of all days.  

"I've been here a little over a year... I thought it best to gather all my material on your daughter and sell a more relevant package... there's some serious stuff in there. I've got photos of her naked, photos with the woman and the boy. I know everything about her routine... I’ve got it all..." He had the audacity to look proud for stalking my daughter.  

Doesn’t he know that only I am allowed to chase her?  

"Oh, really? You see... I think you may have just made the biggest mistake of your life..." I smiled, very pleased with the fear I saw beginning to form in his eyes.  

"Wh-why? What... what are you saying?" he asked, confused.  

"Well... you know how siblings fight? We're always ready to kill each other, but if someone outside tries to harm one of our own, we attack with full force because only we have the right to hurt our siblings... do you understand?" I stood up, smiling at him.  

I would handle this. This would be my first decisive act of change regarding Kate.  

"Mary, darling, tell Phill I need to see him in my office, please?"  

"Who else has these photos?" I asked, sitting on the edge of the desk in front of him, still smiling. I might be changing permanently, but I still loved playing with my prey. My hands in my pockets were to stop myself from showing how nervous I really was.  

"No one. I saved everything for you..." He said, already uncomfortable under my gaze and stance. He knows he’s not safe with me.  

Very good, little rat.  

"Okay, and if I check right here, right now, and find out you're lying...?" I reached for the phone, never taking my eyes off him.  

"No need to check... I'm telling the truth..." He was even more nervous now.  

"Of course you are, you’re a professional, aren’t you?" I took the phone off the hook, still staring him down.  

"Y-yes... I am..." He stammered, sweating through his lie.  

Idiot. I invented the lie.  

"No, you’re not... you're lying to me... and I don't like people who lie to me..." I warned, no longer smiling, already plotting his fate.  

I walked over and stood behind him, pressing down on his shoulders in what could almost be called a relaxing massage, though it was designed to make him nervous and bring the fear of God into him.  

"W-what is this?" He whimpered, and I smiled.  

I swear I want to be a better woman... but some habits I am determined to keep. Men with filthy souls will continue to be punished.  

Phill walked into the room and sat at the table in front of Mr. Smith. He looked from the man to me, smiling.  

"What do we have here?" He was staring at the man without blinking.  

"A paparazzi, with photos of Kate..." My eyebrows couldn’t have raised higher in amusement.  

Everything in Phill's posture told me he wanted to have some fun too—after all, he was the man who had followed Kate her entire life. She might not even know, but he cared about her.  

"Ohhh... I’m excited for this conversation. Is he that important? I don't recall being consulted, and everything about her goes through me..." Phill said smoothly, glancing at his nails.  

"This surprised me too, Phill, but he’ll explain everything to you later. For now... can you quickly check with People to see if they received anything about Kate?" I said, looking at the man, but before Phill could verify the story, the man shouted at us.  

"No need... I’m telling the truth... I sold to every magazine in the city..."  

Here we go, like clockwork. I’m far more afraid of people who love money than of murderers. Murderers have a focus—they don't stray from their main point. Even in crimes of passion, there’s an honest... definitive goal. But those who love money... Well, they’re fickle... shallow... they’d sell their mother, their children, even their own eyes, for a quick payday.  

I signaled to Phill, who already knew how we handled rats.  

"Ahhh, the truth always comes out... I hope you understand your mistake. Phill, take care of him. Send him out of town with all the necessary 'arrangements' so he’ll never work here again. Get all the files from him, and I want to know today who he sold the material to."  

They left the room, and I sank heavily into my chair, the headache now a painful reality.  

Damn it, Kate. Being a "good girl" is exhausting.  

Dealing with these schemes all the time was tiresome. Inefficient now. There was no appeal left in orchestrating everything, controlling everything. I was worn out from it. I wished, just for one day, that someone would take care of me, telling me they would handle everything, that I didn’t have to solve it all on my own.  

I returned to the envelope and looked through all the photos.  

It was the story of the past year. Everything here told how she survived and was now happy.  

Despite me...  

There were so many pictures of the boy. Oh my God. He was perfect. He was like Kate, with curls and a big smile. One photo had him in Kate’s arms on a football field, a loving, gentle embrace. I choked back emotion with each new photo of Kate and him. Beautiful. She had never looked at me like that, and I had never looked at her that way either.  

Do I want that now?  

I don’t know.  

There were photos of her and Yelena, naked on a beach. She was on her knees, both of them smiling. God, were they going to get married? Damn it, they even had sex outdoors— that wild woman would never tire of living dangerously.  

I smiled, thinking about the kind of happy life she had now. The bastard really made it.  

Despite me...  

There were pictures of them at a mall, free, with shopping bags, holding hands, laughing like blushing teenagers, drinking milkshakes, and there they were with the boy, all messy with ice cream, laughing.  

It’s sad to think I never had that kind of life because of her, no, that’s not true... I know that now... but I thought that for years. I blamed her without pity or mercy for everything I couldn’t have.  

I took out an old scrapbook I kept, filled with everything that was published about her. Photos, articles, news, invitations, diplomas, certificates. I placed the new photos in a new chapter called "End of the Day." It felt right. It felt like the only thing that made sense.  

I had always followed her life, every day, even though I hated her, she was still mine, and I needed to know what the hell she was up to, right?  

And what a life she led... Never lost a competition, always a winner at everything, and just as she never missed a chance to get into trouble. And my favorite photo will always be the one where she won the damn golden knife. She shone brighter than the knife itself...  

She may not know, but on that day, I watched her in the studio, pulling all my contacts to be there at that moment that I knew was the most important in her life.  

I saw it, and I was happy for her joy, but I never had the courage to congratulate her personally. I never let her see that, in some twisted way, I was still proud of her.  

My assistant entered the room with some document that needed my attention, and I sighed, trying to focus again. No weakness now.  

Enough of that, enough of all these emotions, time to work, Eleanor.  

"What’s next week’s schedule?"  

She went through all the commitments, and one caught my attention. She had marked it with a huge X, indicating I wouldn’t attend. I didn’t remember being informed about it.  

"Well... what’s this meeting with the network about?"  

"Well, it’s an invitation for a breakfast show where you’d talk with Robert Irwin about new technologies for restaurants, staff management, team security, how to screen for digital security, how to check social media for restaurant employees, and that kind of stuff... I marked it as a no because... well, you know... it’s Kate's territory..." she said, looking at me like I was crazy.  

She knew I didn’t invade Kate’s territory... but this seemed interesting... important, even, and I was genuinely intrigued by the topic. I could talk about that.  

"Mark it." I said, eliciting a smile from the woman who, in some way, also cared about Kate.  

"I love how you Bishops operate... is this how it’s going to be now? No more war?" she teased.  

"I think so... at least, I know I don’t want any more war... tell that to my stubborn daughter..." I joked, and the woman laughed even more as she left the room.  

"Can I add this to your daily schedule?" she asked, pausing at the door.  

"You can add that to my retirement plans... now get out... I need to work..." I joked back, feeling much lighter.  

At the end of the day... I think I just gained something huge...  

Hope...  

*  

I don’t want war anymore, and today I raised the white flag to cease all attacks...  

I went through the entire interview with my mind elsewhere, explaining everything that was needed, elaborating on the topic with authority, enjoying myself, smiling, even being flirted live by a handsome restaurant owner. I ate well, but my thoughts were entirely on what had happened earlier in that office.  

Could I really try?  

Could I be worthy of them?  

On the day I attacked Yelena, she tried. She asked for a truce, and I didn’t listen... today, I think it would’ve spared us a lot of suffering, but I’ll accept everything that comes from this new agreement Katherine and I sealed today.  

The most important agreement I’ve ever made.  

Could I one day be looked at by that boy the way he looks at her?  

I think I can change my whole life to be seen in a good light by them.  

If Kate did it, I can too, right?  

*  

I was buried in paperwork and planning to escape to some beach for the weekend. I needed to see a sunset and sunrise. It was only a matter of days until I was summoned to provide clarification on the case Kate was building against me, so I wanted to hide for a few days before returning to face my fate.  

I don’t have time.  

I wish I had met the boy earlier...  I'll never see him grow up. I wish I had more time.  

My phone rang, startling me. Damn phones. Unknown number. Incredible. I’m always amazed that, even as a digital security magnate, I still get calls like this. Unbelievable.  

Who else do I have to kill to get some peace?  

"Eleanor Bishop." I snapped at whoever dared to bother me on my personal line. I answered just to track the number, even if it was a mistake. I would get my revenge.  

"Wow, looks like it’s not the good Eleanor today... How’s the Queen of New York?" She said, laughing. I froze for a moment, recognizing her voice and remembering that laughter—it sounded like cheerful bells, a reminder of how we laughed together that day. She seemed so light now, so carefree.  

Maybe we could continue, right? After all, she called me. Had she ever called me before?  

"Hello, worst daughter in the world." I responded with our usual banter, chuckling a little. It felt right to let my own bells of happiness ring for her, because despite everything, we’ve always had our own way of communicating.  

"Why are you calling me? I can’t remember a single time this has happened… is everything okay?" I asked suspiciously. My heart raced faster than usual. I tend to relax under stress, but hey, this wasn’t stress—this was something incredible happening. Maybe I need to train my stupid body and toxins to recognize the good things.  

Keep listening to something amazing.  

“Well… since our truce wasn’t sealed with a handshake, I thought I could call to check on you and extend an invitation…”  

Check on me... an invitation? No... could she... Would she give me a chance?  

I felt my face and eyes burn. Was I… crying? Yes, I think I was. Looks like I cry now.  

I sighed shakily, staring at my hand, thinking about how I wouldn’t care if it was just a walk around the block like my men said she did every day. I would go.  

“An invitation?” I asked, my voice faltering at the end.  

“Yes, how about you come spend some quality time at the beach with us? A lunch—me, you, Yelena, and Levi. I want… you to meet him… if you still want to, of course… I know that… I thought our last conversation… well…” She said in a tone I couldn’t quite identify. Was she scared?  

Of what? Did she think I wouldn’t accept? Was this the new Kate? Insecure? Sentimental?  

I want to be a little sentimental, too!  

“Really?... I... I don’t know what… to say… do you really want this? If Yelena forced you, we don’t have to... I… Kate… I…” I stuttered for the first time in my life.  

How the hell does one even have this kind of conversation?  

“Listen… Yelena and I talked, and we decided… Levi’s the one who’s going to tell you if your change is real. It’s not like everything’s forgiven… but I know you don’t have much time. Maybe a last farewell to freedom… beach… Levi… good food... I’d wish that even for my enemies… he’s a recharger of human batteries.” She rambled, but she had a point, and it was exactly what I needed, what I was thinking. She knew this would be important.  

I was crying freely now, the anticipation of this moment stirring deep inside me, brought to life by Kate.  

“When?” I asked, trying to control my hands and excitement.  

“Well… we’re going today. We have an appointment tomorrow, but on Saturday you can come whenever you want. And yes, I know you know the address in Southampton… get there before lunch, but I suggest coming early to hang out at the pool with Levi.” She said it like she was trying to convince me.  

Even though I had a meeting with Gates, I’d go now just for the pool time with the boy. I laughed out loud.  

"You don’t need to convince me with such big weapons… I’m going anyway to meet my… the boy… Levi… I want to meet Levi… and I really need a break… and I—" I said excitedly.  

“Okay, see you there.” She cut me off, and I swallowed hard.  

Okay, slow down. Got it.  

“Thanks, Kate. I’ll be there.” I said, polite again.

*  

I knew exactly which property Kate had acquired...  It used to be the most expensive in the area. Over time, the inaccessible price and its size drove even the very wealthy away… It was interesting that she chose here, of all places, since she was persona non grata in the city. But it also made sense—buying the most important house just to piss off an entire town.  

Does she remember she might’ve always wanted this house?  

When I tracked her down here, I understood completely why she chose this place. She picked it because no one would come looking for her here.  

She’s nothing but a fox, like me. Always has been. No one can hold us down.  

As I parked in front of the residence, I admired the elegance and grandeur of the house. It was perfect. Kate never bought properties...  I knew she invested in companies, ideas, everything in the food industry, a lot in events and advertising, but she only had the penthouse in her name. That was the only one she acquired when she turned 18. She didn’t use a single cent of family money—it was all her own, from her hard work, and she worked relentlessly. That’s another thing that made me proud: the damned girl never used our name for anything other than signing her own, and she worked like a stray dog since she was a child.  

I walked up to the front door with nervous steps. Why was I nervous? I don’t really know. It was just lunch. No reason to worry.  

I am Eleanor Bishop, and I can do anything.  

I am Eleanor Bishop, and I can do anything.  

I am Eleanor Bishop, and I can do anything.  

When Yelena opened the door, she didn’t smile or say welcome, and I didn’t expect her to. She simply motioned for me to follow with a finger. I clenched my teeth, knowing that in other times, this would have made me shoot her in the back without an ounce of remorse. But I just smiled instead.  

She wasn’t just any woman—she would take my gun and beat me again.  

Great, now I remembered why I should be nervous.

We stepped into a large office, with an incredible library in the adjoining room. I looked around, feeling trapped as she closed the door behind me. The heavy, hollow thud made me shudder, and I shut my eyes. Why the hell am I scared? There’s nothing to fear. I am Eleanor Bishop. I don’t need to be afraid. I know this… but I also knew I was in for trouble the moment she stood in front of me, looking me up and down with a gaze I couldn’t read.

I took a deep breath, reminding myself that I would listen to everything without losing my peace today, even if they tried to humiliate me. I wouldn’t retaliate.

I promise to do better than before.

I promise to do better than before.

I promise to do better than before.

“So, you actually came... I didn’t think you’d accept.” she said cautiously, her eyes scanning me from head to toe once again, making me feel self-conscious. 

I was wearing a floral dress and a hat. My bag was clutched close to my body, and I sighed, looking at the large windows, trying to gather the strength to face someone as strong, or stronger, than... me. I didn’t even recognize the almost timid posture I had taken, but I was trying to appear approachable. I wouldn’t let Yelena intimidate me without a fight.

“I wouldn’t miss this opportunity,” I said calmly, feeling the heavy atmosphere around us. If a pin dropped right now, it would apologize to the both of us before returning to the sewing box... I smiled at my ridiculous joke, but she stepped closer, making me swallow hard. I just took a breath, realizing I was being measured and weighed to see if I was worthy right here and now.

I wanted her to see something in me that I couldn’t explain. I wanted Yelena to truly see me, but the moment her eyes locked with mine, I wished to disappear. Her gaze was dangerous, probing, too aware. Kate’s words about Yelena not being like us made me think... Kate was wrong about that. Yelena, also, lets her shadow occupy every space, just like me and Kate. But when she spoke, I was even more surprised and began to understand what my daughter meant.

Yelena knows when to use her shadow…

“I know, but I brought you here before seeing them because I need to clarify a few things... maybe set a few terms, like the ones your daughter offers everyone... God, you’re really as beautiful as she is, huh?” She sought my gaze, lightly touching my chin. I didn’t even breathe, but I nodded in agreement because at that moment, Yelena’s demeanor and look were unfamiliar to me. Not even the obvious compliment made me relax.

Suddenly, for a moment... I didn’t feel like the predator to be feared... I remembered the way she had spoken to Kate, how she tried to pull Kate out of her rage and off of me the day we met. That tone of voice… one that could calm the demon camping in Kate’s mind since birth... made me realize I had to be careful with much more than just physical blows here.

“I’ll try to keep this brief... First, remember that you’re in our house, so no tricks. Second, no drama or uncomfortable conversations. And third, if you aren’t the mother and grandmother of the year here, you’ll only have a few options... The first is, I’ll send you home in an ambulance... Do you understand that?” she said, counting on her fingers and then pressing the same finger against my chest.

I nodded again, out of respect and fear. Perfectly balanced like some Machiavellian trick.

“OR I’ll bury your body in the garden...” She marked off another finger with perfectly manicured nails, pointing to the garden visible through the windows. Many trees... lots of privacy... she certainly had a point.

“OR I’ll keep your ashes in a jar in this very library... over there, and I’ll let you choose your own urn. I’ll burn you myself,” she said, pointing to a shelf behind her before stepping into my personal space, making me almost brace for a fight. “Are we clear?”

What disturbed me the most wasn’t the threats, the aggression, or the fear... no, none of that... What almost brought me to tears was the fact that she said all of this with a smile that... well, the only three people I’ve ever seen smile like that... were me, Katherine, and her father... we use it especially for threats... but in Yelena... her smile was a promise. She would do what she said. I could see it in her eyes now. Her shadow spoke to me...

Her attitude left me frozen with a fear I hadn’t felt in a long time.

I’ve been threatened a lot in my life, real threats from important, imposing people far more powerful than Yelena, who was at least a head shorter than me. But knowing that she would keep her promise...

No... I need to handle this better... I don’t even know if I want to be cremated, and I definitely don’t want to be buried. I also wasn’t a fan of the idea of being beaten up.

Well, at least she’s giving me options. Ambulance... garden... pretty urns... Okay... I can handle this...

“I didn’t come here for a war, Yelena. In fact, I’m still in disbelief that this is happening... Oh... just to note for posterity, I’ve just remembered that I never told anyone this... I don’t want to be buried, and I’m not sure about being cremated either...” I said it all in one breath, and Yelena’s eyes widened slightly. I gathered strength and continued my speech. “... And I don’t like fighting, but know this—I will fight back and fight to the death for my life. I promise at least to be good entertainment before I die... but I’ve come in peace, I guess...”

I finished by adjusting my posture, figuring it wouldn’t hurt to resemble my old self a bit, but all I achieved was the most delightful laugh in the world from her.

She was looking at me, appearing nothing but amused. The shadow was gone.  

Damn it, how can I already like this small, threatening creature so much?  

"Oh my God, you ramble like your idiot daughter, and yes, I’m really glad to hear that. But don’t think I fully trust you, or that I’m happy and agreeable with all this just like that... What I can guarantee is that I want to trust you... despite the fact that I thought Kate had dreamed up that conversation you two had... but I sensed it was important to her... so we decided you needed this chance. If my woman needs it, she’ll have it."  

She was pacing the room, hands in the pockets of her elegant trousers, looking both incredible and completely serious about her words.  

The implications of everything she was letting me in on were massive. Everything about what she was saying was significant. She let me know my daughter wants this, she told me she’s willing to trust me, and she made sure I understood what could be mine if I played my cards right.  

Yelena was giving me an advantage.  

"Thank you... I understand what you mean, Yelena. I’m a smart woman, despite everything. I just... meeting your son was like being shaken in a way, seeing how Kate changed everything for you all... I’ve only had one thought since I saw both at the studio: if Kate can change, I can too. I want you to know that. I’ll do everything in my power to be what your woman needs today."  

For the first time in decades, I felt good about letting someone truly, genuinely see me, just as I was doing now with Yelena.  

"Kate thinks we changed her life, but she’s wrong... She changed ours. I want you to know that if this is what she needs to get closure and be truly free, I will support her... My offer from that day, to make this possible for the two of you, still stands... Do you accept it now?" she said, stepping closer and extending her hand to me.  

I think we all understand by now that Kate seals her deals and makes everyone around her believe in them because she genuinely believes in her agreements first, right? I thought about the truce my daughter had offered the same way, remembering that she insisted Yelena be included in it.  

I shook her hand as honestly as I could. Firm and strong, sealing the most important agreement I’ve made so far.  

"Today changes everything for me, Yelena. It’s not just your life that Kate has changed...  she’s been changing mine ever since I became pregnant, and only now do I realize how much power she has to improve my life." I said this while looking into the eyes of the person who had offered me clean, simple redemption from the very first day we met.  

She smiled, and I felt entirely at ease for the first time since that day at the studio. I had a strong ally to help me regain what I had lost.  

"Shall we go meet my grandson with the amazing eyes now? I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what Kate said about him. I’m fascinated and need to see what Kate sees... I’ll do everything I can to be seen by both of them in the right way." I pleaded, my eyes brimming with an unfamiliar emotion, as if I were being reborn.  

It was refreshing. It felt like the most right thing I had ever done in my life.  

She pointed to the door, smiling.  

"I hope you brought swimwear. They’ve been at the pool since 6:30 this morning, those damn early birds. Go see them while I make our lunch... How do you feel about steak and fries?"  

I laughed along with her. God. Two of the world’s top chefs, and I was getting steak and fries? It was perfect.  

"I haven’t had those in years. I’m looking forward to our day... Lead the way."  

*

Yelena offered me one of the rooms where I could leave my bag and change. Again, the house was amazing. She pointed out a few spaces on the second floor and mentioned some renovations they’d made. She always spoke with this overt disdain for the house, as if it were somehow unreliable—maybe it was some internal joke, something so bothersome it made her complain like the house was a living, breathing entity... I really liked this crazy, lovable woman.  

I watched her intently the whole time, thinking I would truly enjoy my day today because I needed to be worthy of the trust she was placing in me. She gave me privacy and left the room, which had a lovely balcony that must be perfect for watching a sunrise. I was falling in love with everything about this house. If they didn’t want it, I’d buy it for myself. Maybe I’d get a chance to retire and grow old here in peace someday.  

I walked downstairs, observing the grand living room, the incredible couches, and the large, perfect kitchen where Yelena was cheerfully cooking while listening to some old music. She was dancing around a space fit for a cooking show. She pointed, still singing something like “You’re a loaded gun” and “You give love a bad name” at full volume, and I walked toward the pool, taking a few breaths to organize myself for what I needed today.  

I need to be the best mother in the world today.  

I need to be a real mother.  

I need to be the best grandmother in the world.  

When I reached the pool area, I stopped dead in my tracks.  

Kate and Levi were in the water, he was on top of a floating mattress... His sunglasses made him look adorable. My daughter had her own matching sunglasses, and they seemed to be in the middle of some serious conversation.  

I approached unnoticed and overheard what they were talking about.

Kate spoke to Levi softly, preparing him for what was to come.  

"So... she and I were never as close as you are with your mama, but we’re trying. That day at the studio was great, she said a lot of funny things, and she really wanted to meet you..." Her voice carried a hint of defense, almost as if she were protecting me.  

I smiled, feeling a little warmth at her words.  

"So, no need to be scared and run, right?" he said, his voice serious for someone so young.  

I remembered what she’d told me about how he felt towards me. Did he still think he couldn't call me " grandma "? I wanted that. I really wanted to be called grandma .  

"No, you don’t have to be afraid. She’s safe for you now. If anything, you're as safe with her as you are with me... Can you be good to her? She’ll have some tough days ahead, and I want to give her this, a family day... and I want this too, you know? It’s important to me. She’s my mom. I never had what she’s offering, so I don’t want to regret not trying. Can you understand?"  

Kate’s words hit me hard. I hadn’t realized how much I missed... Hearing her defend me, seeing that she missed the same things I did. Suddenly, I knew how blind I had been all these years. That gave me a new kind of strength. A determination that I would do everything in my power—and beyond—to deserve this trust.  

I can do this. I am Eleanor Bishop, and I can do anything I set my mind to.  

Levi gazed at Kate with admiration, a loving, sincere look. His little hands touched her face as she spoke, an intimate gesture that showed how deeply he trusted her. I wanted that for myself, that kind of care. That’s what I had to fight for. I needed them to look at me with pride. I needed them to trust me.  

"I won’t call her grandma just yet, okay? I’m not sure I trust her. I need to know she won’t hurt you again, okay, Mommy?" he said, with a level of maturity that amazed me.  

A politician, perhaps? Could I help him with that career path?  

No, slow down, Bishop. Kate mentioned he loves kitchens.  

Kate lifted her sunglasses and hugged him, showering him with kisses. I couldn't see Levi’s eyes from where I was standing, but I watched them as Kate caught my gaze. She knew I had overheard their conversation, and she smiled brightly, her eyes crinkling at the corners, looking completely at ease with me. I smiled back and motioned toward the pool, asking if I could join them. Her smile widened, and she released Levi, extending her hand toward me from a distance.  

I’m here, daughter.  

"Son, she’s here... meet Eleanor Bishop," she said in a playful, mock-introduction tone, and I slowly entered the water, giving Kate a playful shrug as the cold sent a shiver through me.  

As I approached them, Levi turned over on the float, now on his stomach, to get a better look at me. He took off his sunglasses, pushing his curls out of his face, and suddenly, everything stopped for me.  

The eyes.  

A whole new world lay in those two eyes.  

He had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. Forget what Kate had said about them being like his mother’s—no, these were uniquely his. There was a beauty in them beyond anything I could have expected, more breathtaking than I could have imagined. And they reminded me of Kate as a little girl... It hit me all at once, so fast I wasn’t sure if I was even breathing.  

I probably looked like a strange old lady, just staring.  

Come on, you’re Eleanor Bishop. You’ve dealt with presidents, kings, queens, drug lords, mafia bosses. He’s just a little boy.  

No. He’s the most beautiful little boy in the world.  

He’s my grandson.  

I managed to smile when he smiled at me, though his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. That snapped me out of my trance—back to the sounds of the world around me. He had said he didn’t trust me.  

Alright, time to win him over.  

It’s like business. Sell your presence, win over your clients.  

I dipped my head under the water, the sensation amazing me. How many years had it been since I last swam in a pool?  

When I got closer, Kate had a curious look, an overly mischievous grin spread across her beautiful face.  

"Damn, Mommy Powerhouse , you clean up real nice as a Hot Girl Summer ," Kate teased, whistling. I couldn’t help but play along, pulling a mock-sexy face and biting my lip at her. She threw her head back, laughing.  

Okay, kid number one conquered.  

Now for kid number two.  

"Thanks, Katherine, though I’m not quite sure what a Hot Girl Summer is... You look amazing too." I offered my hand to her in a formal gesture, and she grinned, squeezing it firmly.  

Another deal sealed. This one was about kindness, I understood.  

"Mom, this is Levi Belova-Bishop, my son, and the coolest kid in the world." she said proudly, tousling his beautiful curls.  

He still watched me carefully and extended his hand, mirroring mine and Kate’s gesture. All business.  

"Pleased to meet you, Ma’am Eleanor Bishop." he said, shaking my hand with a polite seriousness.  

Senator... Yes, he definitely had the makings of a senator.  

"Oh, please, you don’t need to call me Ma’am so many times, or use my full name." I tried to make small talk, but he didn’t smile.  

"I prefer it this way. Is that okay, Mommy?" he asked, his voice serious as he sought Kate’s permission for how to address me.  

I held my breath, waiting for their interaction.  

Kate swallowed hard and looked between him and me, her expression apologetic for his formality. I gave her a small nod, signaling that it was alright.

"Yes, son, do as you feel comfortable. You can express yourself however you want, as long as it's respectful and you don’t have a bad attitude. Promise to be good?" She said in a serious tone...  it was a command but there was love and respect for the boy. 

Where the hell did she learn that? It certainly wasn't from me...  I never treated her with such respect.

Oh... Clint and Natasha... and Yelena. That explains it.

"Everything’s fine, kid, as long as you keep calling me..." I tried to joke, tossing my hair playfully, and he grinned, liking my joke.

Okay, I think I scored a point here.

"So... Ma’am Eleanor Bishop, how are you?" he asked, trying to make conversation, looking like a young gentleman, and I smiled. Kate said he was smart. He’s sizing me up, and I’m absolutely going to play along. Kate said he’s the guy to guide me and let me know if I can be good.

I would do anything for this boy.

"I’m doing great, really happy to be here, to meet you... God, I haven’t been in a pool in years, I love swimming... Do you know how to swim?" I offered something he could relate to.

It’s important to have things in common with your opponent despite the competition.

"Oh, you like it?" he asked, now interested, paddling on the mattress to get closer to me. "I’m learning, Mommy was teaching me, but I had a few lessons, then I fell, and broke my arm in two places..." he said, pointing to the spots on his arm. "... I still feel like it’s not my arm, you know?... Oh, and I broke a rib, did you know that?" He rolled on the mattress awkwardly, showing the rib. "And I cut my chin, they had to stitch me up like a doll..." He poked his chin animatedly.

Oh.My.God.

How did he manage so many words in one breath? I looked at Kate in panic.

Kate would have these random conversations with me all the time when she was kid, and I never knew the topic because I wasn’t paying attention, but somehow I heard all of it. She nodded at me, signaling to answer the boy... He’s waiting.

I swallowed my confused and tense state.

Alright... fall, chin, stitches.

"I heard... about... your fall... I’ve had a fall like that too..." I recalled a scar on my chin that Kate’s father gave me in one of our fights, I would retell the sense.

I pointed to my chin and lifted it for him to see. Kate watched me curiously. She knew I was lying, but she smiled. It was sad, but she understood.

"Oh man, yours is huge... Did it hurt a lot? Mine bled all over the pool, everything turned red, and I hated it because it itched so much... How did you get yours, girl? That looks like it was nasty..." He asked, stretching out to touch me. I froze, waiting for him to touch me, and it was incredible to be touched so carefully.

He didn’t need to know that I broke my entire jaw and needed surgery to fix it after being beaten by his grandfather. I swallowed the memories but steeled myself with the certainty that I’m safe now.

"Well, it hurt... but it wasn’t that serious, I just tried to jump from one edge to another and then... I didn’t make it, it hurt so much... I fainted and all the jazz..." I said, looking at Kate to help me keep my lie. She had told me about his fall, I was just trying to make him feel comfortable with me.

She smiled and touched my shoulder, nodding... she knew.

"OH MY GOD, it was just like mine... did you hear that, Mommy? She fell like I did... so I wasn’t being so clumsy, no, pools are really mean, that’s why you make me be so careful... now I see..." He said thoughtfully, resting his chin on his hands, looking at us both as if he had unraveled a big mystery.

I laughed loudly, tilting my head back before breathing in relief and composing myself.

"You’ve got it, it’s like any important deal, keep the focus and relate to your client, Mom..." Kate whispered, almost laughing. This is good, we’re being accomplices. She understood what I’m doing here. She squeezed my shoulder tighter, looking at me, and I silently waved my joy.

This was definitely the best day of my life.

I can do this, and I will.

I was still chuckling softly when I turned my eyes back to Levi. He was grinning widely.

It looks like he’s warming up to me.

He’ll surely be a man who enjoys seeing his girls smile. He scored a point with me right here.

Just like Yelena, he was being open and letting me try, smiling just like she did when she said she’d buy me a drink.

Alright, I need to remember to use that joke on her. She needs to be won over too.

"You know, Ma’am Eleanor Bishop, you’re a hot Ma’am..." he said all charmingly.

Just like Yelena.

Maybe he’s getting a little too warm...  doesn’t he have filters?

"LEVI, MY SON..." Kate jumped to cover his mouth as he tried to continue speaking, laughing at the boy’s craziness, her eyes wide at me, apologizing. I laughed even more at her mother-in-distress moment.

"Oh, I am? Thanks... I guess, although I don’t feel that way with you calling me Ma’am two times in the same sentence..." I sank into the water and floated, listening to their silly conversation from afar. In one moment I was feeling very good, relieved, light, and the next moment I was... sinking.

Levi pulled my foot, and I sank...  I didn’t even have time to complain because he and Kate were laughing at me, and I just needed to see it for a few more seconds before... Damn it, I’m Eleanor Bishop and everyone pays for attacking me. I lunged at them and attacked with water jets, laughing as they screamed and scrambled away. Kate hiding behind Levi, pulling the mattress, and Levi paddling water at me.

We looked exactly like the kind of mess I now wanted for my life. Smiles, silliness, and plenty of pool time.

I reached Kate’s back and dunked her, laughing, while Levi screamed even louder each time I threatened to get closer. Kate was now pulling at my legs, and I was the woman sinking again. 

Sinking in joy and smiles.

I emerged, laughing, coughing out all my happiness, and Kate came over to pat my back, looking so caring that I almost wanted to drown again just to have her touch me like that. I adjusted my hair, nearly sobbing with laughter, and looked at her...  she was in the same state.

I had never been so happy in my miserable life.

"Thank you..." I said quietly. Kate nodded, looking happier than I had ever seen.

"Thank you too, this is like one of the best days of my life..." she said softly. I patted her shoulder because I wanted to hug her, but I didn’t want to overstep. She sighed, pulling back slightly, and I completely understood.

Slow steps carried us away.

I approached Levi, still laughing, and he sat on the mattress, watching me, waiting for a new attack. I raised my hands in surrender. I would never break his trust in me. I want him to trust what his mother said... he’s as safe with me as he is with her.

When he relaxed and I was no longer a threat, I pulled the mattress to the shallow end. He yelled with joy at the movement, and my heart seemed to beat in rhythm with the laughter echoing through the pool.

From now on, as long as my children are smiling, my heart will beat.

"Can you show me what you can do swimming?" I asked, switching to the topic that had given me an advantage before.

"Oh... I can do this... and this... and I can float too... but I'm not very good yet..." he said, getting off the mattress to demonstrate what he knew.

Kate had approached us, and I looked at her.

"And you, can you still do that cool thing where you do a somersault forward and backward? I thought it was amazing that you could do that... Can you show me...?" I asked my daughter, wanting to include her. She needed to know that I was here for her too.

She looked at me like a child, the way Levi looked at me.

"Oh, I loved when we played in the pool at that house from my dad's family... I could do those somersaults... jump... it was incredible..."

She recalled memories of that house, which wasn’t about “we playing,” she played and I never paid attention while she showed me what she could do. She was also sweetening the story for Levi. I looked at her and nodded, smiling.

I’m here now, daughter. Show me.

She nodded back, still with the smile etched on her face.

"Show me what you can do, I want to see you, darling..." I asked attentively, signaling with all my posture that I’ve got you now .

She grinned widely and started doing her acrobatics.

Levi and I let out squeals as she performed her show, clowning around like a professional swimmer-dancer. My stomach already ached from laughing so much.

I could live like this forever.

After hours of playing in the pool, talking, getting to know each other, creating stories that never happened, laughing at nonsense, and playfully trying to drown each other, Yelena appeared.

She smiled at me. It was admiration, a smile of a job well done. I didn’t realize how much I needed her approval until I saw it in her eyes. I had seen her checking on us several times to see if I was behaving, but she never made her presence felt, because she was simply giving me time with them.

"I’m so glad to see you getting along," she said, her voice warm and amused, and we looked like we had spent three hours in the water. We had towels draped over our shoulders and were shivering with cold.

Yes, we looked like kids. The happiest kids in the world.

I brushed past Yelena, touching her shoulder, and whispered a thank you . She smiled, touching my hand on her shoulder, and mouthed a you're welcome , grandma who made me practically skip into the house.

As I climbed the stairs, I saw Kate hugging Yelena, barely containing her happiness, and giving her a movie-worthy kiss. I heard Levi’s cries of, “No one here respects the kid, stop it, we have guests.”

It was for moments like this that I would now fight.

*

When I left the room dressed in my comfortable clothes, loose pants and a button-up shirt, because I wanted comfort and simplicity, I was tired of suits and hadn’t even put on shoes. I just wanted to get downstairs to be with my grandson and my daughter... and with my daughter-in-law too.

Yelena was a perfect woman. She did everything to make sure her two loves had a good experience even if she didn’t trust me. It was as if she thought they needed this.

I need it too, Yelena, don’t worry.

I sat at the counter, watching her carefully arrange the food, looking meticulous in her presentation. The care of a renowned chef, just as I’d been told about her restaurant.

"Can I help set the table?" I offered after observing her for a few minutes as she moved around the kitchen, finishing the lunch, always singing and dancing.

"Of course... the cabinet over there has everything you need." she pointed to the cabinet in the dining room, and I set everything up. It was all so good, spotlessly, neutral, elegant pieces, enough to serve an army, quality silver, linen napkins...

"The architect and designer of this renovation did an amazing job here... even the dishes are perfect... the bedding in the rooms... everything perfect... where did they get this?... I love it..." I said, admiring the beautiful patterns on the plates.

Yelena had come over to help set the table, bringing the food. She walked around the table, finishing the details before leaning against the cabinet and saying softly,

"IKEA... Target..."

"What?"

"I said IKEA... and also Target..." she replied with a carefree smile.

"I'm sorry, I didn't understand... The team bought things from those places? Why? Does Kate know about this?" I asked, confused. She laughed heartily at my cluelessness.

"Architects and designers didn’t pick out the bedding, utensils, and all the personal and decorative items here... Everything came from those places..." she said very casually.

"Oh... who chose this...?" I puffed, curious.

"Ah... Kate and I chose everything... I made her go to IKEA and Target..." she said slyly.

I laughed for the 1032nd time. It was like stepping into an alternate reality. As much as Kate was a Saint Francis of Assisi with money, I never imagined her at those places.

"You made Kate go to IKEA and Target?" I asked incredulously.

"Oh, I did... your daughter is so indifferent to money... I love that she doesn’t care about it, but in her nonchalance, she loves to spend and doesn’t hold back when it’s something she wants... she and I had some arguments about it, it’s complicated dealing with billionaires sometimes... so I agreed to her spending spree, but I said it had to be at regular stores, and then since we needed to set up here, I thought we needed to cleanse this house of bad memories. I made her pick out cutlery, pots, towels... table decorations... napkins... everything, like people do when they get married, you know? All the drama of setting up a complete layette. This place needed to be a safe haven... she... needed to know what it’s like to create a life here... since—"

"Since she died here, I knew..." I completed, feeling a chill with the memories.

I crossed my arms, moving closer to Yelena.

"How was it for you...? I see you seem shaken..." She asked as I stopped near her.

"I was drunk the whole time I thought she was dead, until my assistant told me she was stable... it was different... I always thought she could endure anything..." I leaned against the table more for support, to ensure my trembling legs wouldn’t give out on me. That day was different from anything else...  I thought I had lost Kate. It was much harder now to think about it.

"I made that mistake too... Natasha, Clint, all of us thought she could endure more... and then she broke... you know... before she... died... I had come here... you saw the photos... she was like that when I arrived... covered in blood, buried in some random girl... she thought I wasn’t real..."

She smiled sadly, seeming to relive the moment as she looked out the window.

"Really? That girl is an event, she knows how to put on a show, always has... and then...?" I tried to joke to help her relax.

I didn’t want that lost look in Yelena’s eyes...  I didn’t want her to feel bad remembering it. She’s on truce too, she needs to feel safe with me.

"Well... I saw her, I bathed her... did what I could to make her feel something again, she seemed numb... she needed to feel..." I almost choked on what Yelena was sharing.

"I... let me interrupt you for a second... I have to tell you something... that call... and I take this opportunity to apologize to you... that call had a similar purpose... I just wanted her to speak... the information was that she was shutting herself off... I wanted to provoke her... make her react... but that time was different... she didn’t come back even when I provoked her into thinking I would seek you out. That’s why she downplayed your importance. She should have been afraid of what I would do... I just wanted her to show something... even if it was anger..." I offered, reflecting on how I might have handled things better.

"I think that makes sense now... I wanted that too, to make her feel something... I always thought we all had our turn trying to help, now I know you tried too, and that’s important, Eleanor, I’m glad to know that. I forgave her that same day... and I forgive you too..." She said, gently patting my shoulder, making me feel once again that the weight on my shoulders was lifting.

"Thank you, Yelena... please, continue telling me about that day..." I begged, attentive to her sad expression.

"Well, that day, in my turn to try, we confessed our feelings, our love, you know... and still, she didn’t want to come home with me, and then I ended everything with her... and left threatening her... told her not to seek me out..."

"Seriously? You gave up?" I exclaimed loudly, not believing she gave up. It seemed strange to think that a woman who would challenge me would give up on Kate so... easily?!

I watched her move closer and lean by my side, and took a good look at her. She seemed to want comfort, she had a lost look. I couldn’t believe she would give up. There had to be more. She must have had a plan.

"Not really, I just realized she needed to think she was losing the only thing she truly wanted... me and Levi... and I thought if I pushed a little, she’d be at my door the next day... well..." She said, now crying.

Thank God she didn’t give up, but that still didn’t explain how everything ended the way it did.

"That sounds like her, stubborn... she would undermine you as soon as she had the chance..." I said, touching her shoulder but quickly withdrawing my hand. I need to go slow with Yelena.

"But it wasn’t like that, I pushed too hard... she broke even more... and my words made her want to die..."

Yes, it was much worse, and it could have been even more so. I might have lost the chance to get to know her. I can no longer hold back my feelings...  Yelena deserves comfort now.

"I’m so sorry, Yelena..." I said, touching her shoulder in solidarity. I held on firmly, trying to convey through my touch the reassurance I wanted her to feel, that she did the best she could.

"It's all right now... it was in another lifetime... but I was certain she was dead for a whole minute... It’s the worst moment of my life... I never want to feel... that... again..." She shook her head to clear the bad memories and smiled at me with teary eyes, squeezing my hand on her shoulder.

"I learned about the party from my daily reports on her... and then one of my associates informed me that an ambulance left here with a body..." I gave in to my own tears now.

"Oh my God... that’s all they said?" She seemed shocked and wanted to cry even more from my pain. Her empathy... it’s almost as if I could touch her pain.

"Oh Yelena, in my world, no one is sentimental about death, and they think I hate my daughter. He said it as if I would celebrate..." I tried to dismiss it with a wave of my hand, wanting to joke to hide how much it cut me like a thousand knives.

"But you don’t hate her anymore, do you?" She asked with great concern.

"What did you see when you looked at me that day, Yelena?" I really wanted to know...  it still makes me think to this day.

"I saw you that day, I understood something very serious about you that day..." She said quietly. More curious than confrontational, but I felt her body tense under my hand.

"What do you mean?" I said, confused. I really didn’t understand her look that day, besides the feeling of being seen too much.

"When Kate asked you to reconsider... and then you and I exchanged a look for a moment, I understood all your hatred towards Kate... Kate said you didn’t want her... you rejected her, didn’t you?" With a snap, I understood what she was referring to.

"Yelena, you really saw me... I’m afraid we need to talk about something bigger. I only recently understood that I didn’t handle many of my issues well and took it out on Kate... a lot... I didn’t deserve any of what I’ve got today... but I always followed Kate’s life closely... come with me... I need you to see something..." I tried to explain as best as I could, but I knew that showing her would make her understand. I prayed she would.

In the room, I went to my bag and pulled out my scrapbook, handing it to Yelena, my hands trembling with fear of not being understood.

"This book is me being the mother Kate needed, but being too cowardly and heartless to admit I was wrong... I did it in secret... I never thought I deserved forgiveness... even now I still doubt it... but I was with her..."

I sat nervously beside her, watching her reaction.

Childhood photos, competitions... pictures of her sleeping... laughing... pouting... throwing tantrums... blushing...

"Eleanor... this has everything... it looks like all the photos... were taken without her knowing... it’s beautiful... Why didn’t you ever let her know? She needed you, you know?" She said, astonished.

"I didn’t know that... I didn’t understand Kate’s significance to me... I probably only realized it when I was in the hospital..." I began, and was cut off by her gasp of surprise.

"Wait... when were you in the hospital?" She asked, looking very surprised, perhaps by my audacity.

"Oh, I was there a few times... and it was horrible to see her without fighting back, in such a fragile state..." I was reliving the pain of impotence I felt that day.

"Hey... it’s okay, she’s here now... and well, I’m surprised. I would have kicked the shit out of you if I had found you there. Natasha would have kept you admitted for as long as Kate was there. You’re brave, all-powerful , I have to admit. How did you get past Natasha’s staff?" She asked, almost excitedly, and I smiled.

"Well, I guess the staff felt sorry for me. I said I needed to say goodbye, and they let me in three times, always when you were out..." I confided, almost nervously.

"I wasn’t out . Was someone from the team unreliable?" She wanted to know seriously. She was in security mode.

"No, they are reliable, but there was this nurse who seemed tough enough to get my attention, complain about you guys, and make your staff listen to me... She allowed me to enter with her during her rounds... What was the name of the big, perpetually tired-looking, sly-smiling nurse?" I asked, trying to remember the name of my grumpy friend. "She threatened to knock me out with tranquilizers if I tried to harm her patient. Let’s just say she said that, despite hating Kate, she wouldn’t lose patients without a fight." I laughed wholeheartedly.

Yelena burst into laughter, almost doubling over on the bed, and I watched in surprise.

"I knew Jane loved us..." She said, shaking her head, very satisfied.

"Yes, the same one. She got my attention saying, 'Hey, since you’re rich, why don’t you just take these people away once and for all? I can’t stand Russian women on my shift anymore.' You guys seemed popular around there..." I recounted, laughing as much as she did, which only worsened her mood and laughter.

"Yes, we are very popular there. I don’t know if it’s the right kind of attention, but the whole city definitely knows who we are..." She growled, still laughing.

"Good thing you weren’t kicked out..." I said, wiping my eyes.

"Did you know it was Levi who managed to bring Kate back?" She said, smiling emotionally.

"Oh, really? How?" I asked, even more surprised.

"He didn’t see her there until the day she woke up. He refused to enter the room, and that day we had a very mature conversation about death... he said he understood how permanent it was and that he didn’t want her to leave without knowing he forgave her... Before she left... they had a very painful moment where she lied to him... It was a complicated time with him... I’ll tell you more details later... but then... at the hospital, we really had no forecast, and she didn’t have a good history... it was tough for everyone... but he resigned himself to having his turn to try and succeeded... he woke her up..."

"It must have been the most beautiful thing in the world..." I said, crying, and she snorted.

"Not so idyllic... He woke her up with our scoundrelous vein...  it was all so emotional... she reacted the first time after he entered the room, took a good look at her, and asked if kissing her wouldn't work..." She groaned, laughing.

I broke into laughter and many coughs.

"He... no... you’re lying..." I was crying from laughing.

"I wish I were, and then I left him alone with her, and he kept escalating his silly remarks while she responded with the beeps of the machine... it was the most thrilling thing I’ve ever witnessed... and then the beeps stopped, and I walked in just as he was complaining that she needed to wake up because he couldn’t stand Ohio reruns of her show anymore... that kid is insane... I swear to God... the recurring theme in our family is about how we’re going to protect this child..." She was chattering away like her son did, and my smile seemed permanent... I loved everything I heard.

Love really changed my daughter’s life, and I hoped it would change mine. It was already changing everything, filling all the spaces that were once just emptiness and hatred. But I was still wrong... I had never given anything to Kate. On the contrary, just as she said one day, I tried to take away everything she achieved.

"Yelena, as you said, all of you just tried to give her good things during this difficult time. I only made everything worse...  I messed everything up. I wasn’t present by my own choice... I’m a monster..." I cried with disgust at my failures.

"Eleanor, I truly don’t know if I’ve understood everything yet... you’ve done all this for Kate, risked your life with Jane, stayed in the shadows, and didn’t have the courage to make a move... It's sick... I mean, why punish yourself and punish Kate this way? Why exactly did you act like this, in the shadows? Explain to me... I still can't believe it..."

She was shocked by everything.

I know, Yelena, how can anyone believe a mother would act like this?

"I don’t know... but I was lost... I never had the luxury of time with her. I thought I could make up for that time even while feeling hatred, you know... I didn’t know how not to hate her... I was left with the responsibility of managing a huge company, an unruly child... and the entire New York crime underworld as my clients, clients I couldn’t afford to part ways with..." I said, reflecting on what I went through.

"I can imagine how bad it must have been..." She said, speaking of something painful, that even with all the hatred, always hurts... Yelena loves Levi so much that she risks her own safety to defend him...  she was brave, I was not.

See? She was a real mother, able to recognize her own flaws and also know when to feel another’s pain.

I want to be like that. I need that, but she needed to know what I had done before forgiving me.

"You know... it was bad before Kate... it wasn’t all her... but when she was born, everything got worse: postpartum depression... handling things alone... a bad and abusive husband... the aftermath of the beatings I took during pregnancy... I know none of this justifies what I did..." I was crying again.

"Hey... it does justify, for me it explains everything. I understand you, Eleanor... I understand you now... actually, I understood that day, which is why I said you weren’t ready. I understood... it’s all right..." She said, joining our hands. She wanted to calm me, and it wasn’t just for simple comfort...  it was for me to truly understand.

"How did you understand that? How can you know, you’re an incredible mother..." I was amazed by this woman’s awareness, her maturity, and the empathy pouring out from every word she spoke.

"As soon as Levi was born... I had the same feelings... I... it was difficult... I didn’t spiral like you because I had support from my sister... from Clint and his family... but I know what it’s like to think that your child is a mistake... I recognized in you what I could have become... scratch that, I became that for a time, yes, exactly now listening to you, I recognize it, and I think that’s why I was so angry with you that day. I really hated you. You went for my little boy with a rage that I know I’ve felt before, that I saw you feeling towards the woman I love... but I think now I understand better what you went through, putting together what I saw in your eyes, the two times we met, and what Kate told me about your meeting at the studio... seeing everything I’ve seen today... So yes... I understand you... it’s all right..."

More and more understanding. I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve all this honest and sincere embrace and listening.

Come on, Yelena, don’t forgive me so easily. Recognize the monster you saw before. Tell me to leave.

"It’s not all right... I made so many mistakes, Yelena... how can I come here and ask her to forgive me?... I beat her, I humiliated her, I threatened her... how can I?"

"It’s not only up to you to decide that... she forgave you, you know?" She said, smiling.

"I know... she told me... but she’ll never forget... I wish I hadn’t done what I did... but it doesn’t erase the fact that I did... I did it because I wanted to..." I watched her take on a conciliatory stance again. Not that I had used much of that, but I knew she wanted to understand me. Everything I’ve had from this woman since I first saw her has been at least a mature experience, from offering me peace in her restaurant to letting me see where she was hurting when she hit me, and now listening to me.

"You know... Kate and I learned everything at the cost of a lot of pain... so many tears... we came to understand through much suffering that everything happens the way it’s meant to happen... if you had done things differently, Kate wouldn’t be who she is... I wouldn’t have her... you wouldn’t... you two wouldn’t have Levi, right?"

I looked at her, surprised. That’s it. It’s very hard not to love this woman. I understand why Kate changed her entire world for this family.

"Oh my God, Yelena, I’m in love with Kate and Levi..." I said automatically, my voice sounding strained and nervous.

She laughed, and I laughed at my own foolishness. "I’ve never felt anything good like this for her, or for anyone. You know, Yelena, I never wanted her... and now I do... I want so much for her to know me, I want her to forgive me... I want her to look at me the way Levi looks at her. I want to be worthy of forgiveness, but I don’t think I deserve it..."

"Well... she looked at you like that all morning... Levi looked at you like that too..." She said knowingly.

Pff. Don’t lie, Yelena.

"Oh, please don’t lie... he still calls me Ma’am Eleanor Bishop in every sentence..." I groaned, grabbing my hair. I didn’t want to break down now, but that’s what I was doing.

"Oh damn... he’s being protective of Kate... on that front, you’ll have to work it out yourself... he spent months upset with Natasha even after Kate came back, he quickly figured out that Natasha was to blame for Kate’s escape... Kate and Natasha had a very complicated moment, and then he told Kate that he was just keeping his distance from Natasha to stay in touch with Her, to be supportive and worthy with their team..."

"Their team?" I asked, curious.

"Oh my God... they’re like a duo... they support each other in absolutely everything, both for doing cool things and for doing shit, messed-up things together... I swear, I have two kids at home..."

Yelena was amused, but she seemed to love dealing with these kids.

"So, do I have a chance?" Please say yes.

"Yes, Eleanor, we all have chances in our house... you’re family. We’ve dealt with this kind of thing a lot over the past year... Kate has certainly learned to forgive by now... I taught her..." She said, completely proud of what she knew she had achieved.

Yes, I can. I’m Eleanor Bishop, and I will reclaim what I lost.

"I imagine... and how can I win over Levi...?" I honestly wanted that.

"Oh, no... I don’t interfere... on that front, I’m not even on the fence, I am the fence. I’ll say what I say to Kate: solve your problem with Levi yourself. He works in a peculiar way...  he’s not spoiled in wanting to be flattered, but he’s the type who has to be won over... so from what I saw at the pool... keep up the approach with laughter, it always works with me..."

She said, getting up from the bed. Was she going to just leave me at the moment I needed her most? C’mon, Yelena.

"They’re amazing, my daughter is an incredible woman, and she’s such a dork, so good-humored, making clever jokes all the time... and she has this way of raising Levi... as I said... I’m in love with her, it’s like love at second sight... you know?"

She laughed loudly at what I said.

"Oh, I know... it was the same with me. I met her fighting over a pineapple, and even though she was all... you ... she was still stunning... God... that day she was using this entire well cut suit made for her… that's why when you came to Belova’s, I drooled over you. I remembered her... and that perfect face... I fell in love right there... and well... she also wanted me from that moment. She knows what it’s like to fall in love without warning... I can’t interfere with Levi, but with Kate, I can tell you what to do... tell her how you feel today... let her know about this book... tell her how you feel about all this..." She stood up and reached for my hands. She searched my face as she spoke urgently. "Say it... don’t miss the chance... you always have little time, that’s how I act with her, that’s how Levi acts. We always think that that particular moment is the most important with her... we already lost her once... so yes, do as we do, never negotiate your time with her... all of us here... Kate’s new family... we never negotiate her presence..."

And then she hugged me. Just like that... she hugged me... I haven’t hugged another human being in ages. It felt good. I felt embraced. I wanted more of it. I wanted to hug Kate. I wanted to be hugged by Levi. I want everything. I need everything.

"I will tell her... I will do everything right this time... don’t worry... and while we’re at it... I’m kind of in love with you now too..." I said seriously, touching her cheeks.

She laughed, releasing me to look at me with a wounded expression.

"Please... only now? I thought I’d won you over with my good food. Were you lying, bitch?"

"Okay, I’ll be honest, I admit I’ve been in love with you since day one. You owe me a drink..." I said, trying to make use of my newly discovered comic vein.

She laughed like an old lady, and I fixed her hair while explaining how amazing she was.

"It’s all the food’s fault, not because you’re seductive... My God, seriously, your restaurant is incredible... your food is the best I’ve ever had in my life... I’m serious... I respect you, Yelena... I recognize your strength in trying to defend Kate from me, and I’ll be eternally grateful for what you’re doing for me... as I told Kate... I will do everything in my power to protect you... I will own up to my mistakes and be worthy of all you... I promise... but yes, you still owe me a drink for taking off my suit with that crazy gaze." I thanked and joked because I understood that this was what my daughter-in-law loved.

"And while we’re at it, this is Kate’s favorite joke—she’s always offering sodas in exchange for sexual favors and pieces of clothing..." Yelena said, laughing about my daughter’s antics.

"Oh, gross, oh my God, I didn’t teach her that, okay!" I said, horrified, laughing.

She had this look of admiration.

"Well... I’m happy to see you smiling...  you look good that way, and I’m very glad to hear all of this about trying... and even happier that I won’t have to hit you anymore... that crap was exhausting..." She said, sighing and shaking her head with attentive eyes.

"Thank God... you hit hard... that thing you did to my nose... my surgeon had a tough time with it..." I said, touching the bridge of my nose that had been crushed by the woman in front of me.

"That’s all in the past now... we have a new agreement to follow and a new life to live... come on... let’s eat... our kids must be going crazy downstairs..."

She took my hand and led me to what I wanted most. Our kids .

* 

"Thank God... where have you been? I’m starving!" Levi yelled as soon as he saw us at the top of the stairs.

Kate looked apprehensive at both of us. I knew she thought I was breaking the truce.

Yelena and I had red faces from crying, which could easily be because I made us both cry. I knew.

She left Levi on the couch and covered the distance to us, holding Yelena’s face... looking closely, getting serious. Her eyes were on Yelena, but her words were for me.

"What did you do, Eleanor?" The low, menacing tone I had only heard from one other person in my life made me tremble. It was how her father acted around me all the time.

I wasn’t Mom anymore, and she wasn’t my daughter.

It was that person. All my shock when I visited the restaurant was from the dread I felt seeing Kate assume her father’s presence. Having her confront me was like being assaulted by him again. Maybe this cemented my hatred for her as she grew up. The more she grew, the more she resembled him, the more reactive she became towards me, she stood up against me a little more each day. I understand now… maybe… that’s why I hit her...  I wanted to hit that man.

The weight of realization made me gasp for air.

So I took a step back, washed in a fear much deeper in my being, one I didn’t even want her to know existed.

It’s over, Eleanor, you’re safe. He doesn’t exist anymore, and your daughter isn’t him.

Yelena took my trembling hand again and looked into my eyes… You’re safe . I nodded, understanding. She would protect me even from Kate, who watched the whole exchange, confused. I swallowed, still scared to speak and cross some line with Kate.

"It’s okay, love... we just had an emotional moment upstairs, everything’s fine... later, she’ll tell you the same thing and make you cry too. You cry about everything now..." She teased Kate and winked at me.

I need to shift her look of suspicion and defend myself with dignity. She needs to respect me for this to work. I need respect from her.

"Hey... I was good... our truce included Yelena, remember? I promised, and I’m keeping it. I was just showing her something I brought...  after lunch, I can show you... and later, I want you to take me to a sunset. We’ll cry there..." I informed our plans, very much like myself.

I need to recognize my limits. I can’t be afraid of her and her reactions. Part of what I want includes her seeing me for who I am. I’m not a weak woman who bows to threats.

"Oh thank God... you know how hard it was to get Yelena off you that day, right?" She said, joking, and we all laughed.

I sighed in relief that she had returned to how we had been since I arrived.

"No violence, as I was telling Yelena, my surgeon had a hard time fixing that..." I said, touching my now-perfect nose.

"Oh really? Can you give me your doctor’s number? My nose is still crooked... Natasha broke mine for offering to give her a suck and calling her ‘mommy’ the wrong way... right there in that closet... when I was crazy..." She chattered about an even crazier story and then touched the bridge of my nose with the tip of her finger, making me shiver with wide eyes at the entire interaction. She touched her own nose, finishing her words. "... I think I really need something like that... maybe some Botox touches like you have on your forehead..." She touched me clinically.

Her touch was gentle, like Levi’s had been earlier. Maybe Yelena was right. They’re seeing me, open to getting to know me and being kind.

I will be kind to them.

I was pulled from my thoughts by a loud, grumpy shout.

"CAN WE PLEASE HAVE LUNCH? THERE’S A HUNGRY CHILD HERE!" Levi yelled from the table, and we all laughed and ran like little girls to the table.

"Finally... now wait..." He raised his hand, stopping us as he got up and moved chairs for us all to sit.

"What a little lord we have here?" I looked amazed at the gesture and looked to Yelena and Kate for answers.

"Your daughter taught him to treat girls with dignity..." Yelena said, waving her hand in the air, laughing.

"And she knows what that is?" I said without thinking. And everyone fell silent.

Kate looked at me hurt. Yelena looked at me almost disappointed, but neither of them called attention to my comment. Levi did.

He placed his hands on the table and looked directly at me, no trace of the playful boy and much more like the young gentleman I had seen upon arrival. I swallowed hard.

The Senator is at the table.

"You know, Ma’am Eleanor Bishop... I know you’ve noticed that we’re all being nice to you here, right ma’am ?... But I can always stop being nice, ma’am , if you’re going to talk to my mom like that, ma’am . I don’t care if Mom thinks she needs you now, ma’am . I’ll be a bad and rude boy whenever I need to be, ma’am . I can be punished, she might even get upset with me, she could take my allowance, ma’am – which I don’t even know how much it is now because I use too many swear words. I don’t care. I’m her friend, and I don’t want you to talk to her like that, okay, ma’am?”

He called me “ma’am” eight times in one breath.

Holy shit.

I... Wow...

Is this kid really seven years old?

He said it so seriously, so soberly. It wasn’t like Kate attacking, it wasn’t the almost ironic tone of Yelena, it wasn’t violent and classic like Natasha, and it wasn’t gentle like Barton. He acted like... I act . How is this possible? He spoke to me like I speak to my associates. He was certainly something.

I was staring at him like a goldfish, I was sure of it. I didn’t even know how to respond. I don’t think I knew how to breathe. I looked at Yelena and Kate... both were horrified. They didn’t seem to believe it.

I can’t lose what I’ve achieved today.

Fix it, Eleanor.

“Right, Ma’am Eleanor Bishop?” He cut through my thoughts with the sharp tone again.

Nine ma’ams...

“Yes... y-yes... I... I-I...” I looked to Yelena for help with my eyes and she shook her head, looking down.

Okay, Switzerland, got it.

I looked at Kate. And she was... she was smiling? That bitch . They were going to let me handle this on my own.

Alright, I’m Eleanor Bishop and I run half the world, so I might as well defend myself to my grandson here.

I looked at his outfit covered in Batman symbols and I strengthened myself by remembering the references about it that Kate loved which I used on the studio. I’ve got this.

“Levi... look... I am a lady who was a villain worthy of any supervillain you’ve seen in comics... for... like... for all my life... Do you understand that?” I tried to buy some time.

“I understand that, and my moms told me how you, ma’am, were mean to us. Keep going...” He said almost angrily.

Ten ma’ams...

Impatient was a very shallow compliment for the Senator now.

“Well... I was... I’m sorry... Can you tell me a villain who, even though they are a pain in the hero’s ass, never lets other villains beat them?”

“Okay, Batman and the Joker are like that... The Joker is like Batman’s number 1 fan, I think... because he chases him so much...” Yelena barked a guttural laugh, almost bending under the table with laughter. I gave her a critical look, and she stopped. It was all about what we had talked about before. Bitch .

“Mama, you interrupted me, quiet, please, we’re in the middle of something important, a guy needs silence to defend his mom... so, Ma’am Eleanor Bishop... so he tortures him so much, he never leaves him alone... and then in Arkham Asylum I think he would totally save Batman... whatever... you’re stalling me...” He said chattering but getting more and more impatient.

Eleven ma’ams...

Now it was Kate who laughed, she was definitely remembering when we talked about this too, blessed was the time I played with it before. Levi was giving a precise summary of our existence right here. But I needed to focus, Levi seemed angry with me.

“No, no, no... I don’t want to deceive you ever...” I stood up and moved to sit in the chair next to him before continuing my defense.

My God, not even The Hague made me sweat this way.

“I’m not stalling you, I just want you to understand that Kate and I were like you said for a long time, I was the Joker, and your mom was Batman... and I got used to attacking her, a lot of times it’s just play, like when we talk on the phone... she calls me something bad like ‘Hey, infernal mother,’ and I retort with ‘Hello, worst daughter in the world.’ We’re not always fighting... and that’s also wrong, we shouldn’t do that anymore... and I shouldn’t have said that today...” I was starting to panic but I would apologize and try until he understood.

“Too many words, I don’t understand anything... Mommy, please... help me here before Ma’am Eleanor Bishop wets her own pants...”

Twelve ma’ams...

Yelena and Kate had long lost their decency to laugh at me.

“MAMA!” Levi shouted to Kate completely seriously, and she swallowed her laughter, wiped her tears, and looked utterly chastised.

“Sorry, son, what she’s saying is the Joker wouldn’t kill Batman because they complement each other, they’re a team or something like that. Without Batman, the Joker would just be a bank robber, and without the Joker, Batman would just be a rich guy who needs to beat up stupid criminals... and they insult and attack each other, but they have their thing, they defend each other if there’s another villain in town, understand? And now we’re not playing anymore...”

Kate explained the theory I had shared with her on the studio, drawing patterns on the table in front of Levi as if illustrating it for him.

Would he accept this crap? This isn’t good, Kate. What good were all those fancy schools?

“Oh... okay... got it, thanks, Mama, but I still stand by what I said... if you’re not playing anymore, then I don’t want her to talk like that, as if you weren’t cool... because you are the coolest girl...” He explained, looking directly at me, as he drew patterns on the table like his stupid mother had just done, but it was clear he wanted me to understand.

I can’t believe I’m defending myself to a child.

Not just any child.

It’s your grandson.

The only man you owe any explanation to from now on.

“Okay, I’m sorry, it was a habit. I used to say things like that all the time before, but now I’ve changed... I want to be better and I want her to like me, and I want you to like me, I want Yelena to keep cooking for me... I’m... look... Can you forgive me and let me try again?” I was begging this child to give me another chance.

“Okay...” he said, starting to help himself to some fries. And we all looked at him. 

Simple as that? Was he just going to say that? This wasn’t good.

“What?” he asked with his mouth full of fries.

“Nothing... nothing... let’s eat...” Yelena intervened just in time.

And so it was lunch...  They talked about trivial things, everyday stuff, Kate’s projects, restaurant matters. They tried to include me. Everything was calm. But I had the feeling I’d ruined everything. I was trying in every way not to cry. I just knew that the right thing to do was to leave... so as soon as we had lunch, I would go.

I had missed my chance with Levi. I wanted Levi to accept me, but it is what it is... I’m glad we had fun, that I’ll have good memories to take with me... I couldn’t expect to be a good grandmother overnight. It was too easy.

I’ll always have that good memory.

I didn’t even want to look at them...  I was feeling ashamed for not being good enough, so I quickly stood up, determined to end the anguish and let them be themselves without me disturbing their peace and dynamic.

“I need to go... I’ll just...” I walked quickly to the room and started packing my things hurriedly. I wouldn’t be able to talk to Kate. I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t fair.

After all, there are certain things that don’t truly deserve forgiveness.

I heard the door open and thought it was Kate coming to finish kicking me out. I didn’t want a discussion or to fight anymore. I needed to keep my memories of the day I had with her.

“I’m leaving now, Kate... don’t worry... I just... sorry for what I did downstairs, he’s right, I’m wrong here...” I was crying, and I didn’t want her to have to deal with it. I wouldn’t let her see it.

I heard the door close and almost calmed down, thinking she had left. Good. Great. She wasn’t going to insist, and that was for the best. I didn’t deserve her persistence. It wasn’t even fair.

All my thoughts were focused on my defeat here. I certainly did well during the day. I'm sure I had fun, I knew that if they were smiling at me, it was because I did something right, but I let my true stripes show up...

All my things were being shoved into the bag in an attempt to also pack away my feelings. I lost my chance, and I would never see them again... but when I turned around, Levi was sitting on the floor, leaning against the door, with his legs crossed in a lotus position and his elbows on his knees. I gasped in surprise, dropping my bag on the floor with a loud thud that made me squeeze my eyes shut. For this new Eleanor, it seemed everything worked differently.

He was literally giving me the look of someone who wouldn’t let me leave without hearing him out.

So he wasn’t going to let me leave? I don’t want to go either, Levi. Let me stay...

“You know... I got used to a mother who runs away... my Aunt Natasha said that before, if someone said something she didn’t like, she would get up and run away... so she must be like you... I don’t like people who run away... one day Mama ran away... and died... and even when she came back, I was always worried she would run away again... until we talked and she told me how she never wanted to leave, she thought she had no reason to stay...” He said, looking at his own hands as if he knew what I was thinking.

Kate had hurt him too.

I walked over and sat in front of him, imitating his position.

“And then I learned to always give her reasons to stay... I was a annoying kid downstairs, I gave you a reason to run away... sorry... but it’s because I don’t want anyone giving reasons for my mom to leave me... I never want to be without my mom... Mama says we never negotiate time with Mama... and she’s already told me everything you’ve done wrong to her... I know everything... I don’t want her to be sad and think she needs to run away... so I had to defend her from you...” He pointed at me, accusing me with a bit of hurt.

“I’ve wronged her a lot, I was very bad, I didn’t love her... I know... I’m trying to apologize... I didn’t love her... the way she needed and... I just want to do better... I’m still learning...” I cried my plea, knowing he would listen to me.

“Okay... fine... we’re also still learning, Mama is teaching us... you said you didn’t love her before, but you want to love her now, right?” He asked me, very seriously. He had come for a reason and he wasn’t the type to be played. Understood.

I nodded, trying to wipe my tears, sniffling loudly. He pulled out a small packet of tissues from his pocket and handed me one. I looked at it curiously.

“Mama makes me and mommy carry these now, so we don’t wipe our dirty hands on our pockets...” He said quietly, and I smiled at the kindness, feeling my chest swell with love for him.

As I continued, I could barely see him through so many tears. “I don’t know if she wants this... I don’t know if I can do this...” I replied.

“She thinks you can love... she lets you try, she’s trying to do better... So can you please try to do better too? She will be much happier having her mama, I’m very happy, I have two, I know how good it is...” He looked almost emotional too.

“I want to be... that’s why I came...” I whispered.

“I believe in you, you know?... I saw you get all happy every time she laughed out loud... she’s beautiful when she’s smiling, isn’t she?” He said, lowering his head and laughing happily.

He seemed so genuine...  he loved Kate, I could see it in everything about him.

“I wish she loved me like you love her... you know...? As you think she’s amazing... I wish she thought I was amazing...”

“She can see that, but you have to be amazing, that’s how it works. If she wasn’t amazing, I wouldn’t see it... you can’t fake it, you understand?”

“I think I get it... and that’s why I’m trying. I’m going to be good, and I came here today because I wanted to meet you and spend some time with her first...”

“Today was a lot of fun...  she doesn’t laugh like that even with me... I liked it... and you’re so beautiful... Ma’am, you don’t even look like a grandma...” He said playfully, poking my knee.

“Oh please, can you stop calling me that?” I poked his knee back.

“Then what do you want me to call you...? I’m just trying to be respectful, my mom said that old ladies should be called ‘ma’am’.” He said, spreading his arms as if it were obvious.

“I’m not old, kid... And I thought you could call me grandma, or granny, or whatever you think a grandma should be called...” I rambled, pouting.

He looked at me even more seriously. He seemed to be solving a very difficult problem, and then he quickly extended his hand to me.

“I promise to call you grandma if you promise to be good and worthy with my mom... do you promise?”

“I promise.” I shook his hand as if it were the most important agreement ever sealed. He jumped into my lap, hugging me tightly, accepting me, and my whole world seemed to stabilize almost in its correct orbit, missing only Kate to be perfect.

God, hugging is the best thing. I had two out of three...  the most important one was missing. Now that I had broken through the last barrier to reaching Kate, I would leave here with what I came for... Forgiveness. Nothing else was acceptable. I would beg if necessary.

While I maked my way downstairs with him in my lap, he was explaining something very important about the need to keep sand out of his damn cast. And how really bad the thing with the fuckin rib was. He said the shit still hurt, and talking about how bones are bitches .

He swears a lot. I love it. I felt free to swear along. That’s what grandmas do, right? They bond in love and companionship while unraveling what parents do with discipline?

I can do this all day.

Then I heard a low, straightforward warning.

“Eleanor and Levi Bishop, if you keep swearing so much, I’ll wash both your mouths out with soap. I don’t care that you’re a NY Queen and that Levi is the son of an Ultimate Iron Chef... you’ll both pay.”

Yelena said this without even looking at us from where she was washing the dishes.

“Sorry...” I said quietly, laughing, not at all regretful.

“Sorry, Mom... now we know where the family’s foul mouth comes from. Grandma Bishop is the culprit.” Levi said, pointing at me, very amused.

Yelena glanced at us quickly, shocked, and I just smiled, waving at her as I set him down on the counter.

“Where’s Kate?” I asked.

“She’s in the bungalow in front of the house...” Yelena offered, coming closer, drying her hands as she handed a large glass of water to her son and then to us.

“Drink.” She said, commanding us both, and I looked at her curiously.

“Bladders are fucking important in our house, grandma.” Levi replied before quickly drinking everything.

“Levi...” Yelena warned him, and he puffed out his apologies, jumping off the counter to start drying the dishes.

“Go sort your life out, QueenPin Granny .” Yelena said with her hands on her hips and a playful look.

I went back to the room and grabbed my secret weapon to go meet my daughter. Now was the time...  I had to be wise and use my last shot, my last bullet... I went the whole way with a small prayer:

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

She was lying on one of the big cushions, looking like an angel, all delicate in a beautiful and simple white dress, her hair loose, no makeup. The whole sight made me think of the beauty that was always obvious but seemed to have tripled now that she was a better and healthier person... she had those prescription glasses and a book that also gave me the hint that if she looked good on the outside, her mind was a powerful item within her. I took a deep breath, my observation almost sad for interrupting... it seemed wrong to disturb this peace, but I needed to speak.

I approached, sitting beside her, placing the bag with the book in front of her.

“Hello, my joker!” She smiled, joking, not seeming at all offended or hurt as Levi feared.

“You’re a little shit, letting your kid give me a hard time upstairs, huh?” I joked back, poking her foot.

“You deserved it...” She poked me back with her foot.

“Yes... I deserved even more...” I lay down beside her.

“Where are they?” She asked, looking around the house.

“They stayed there... Yelena was threatening us because we were swearing...” I said, laughing.

“Oh no, you’re not going to be one of those...” She interrupted herself.

“I totally am, deal with it...” I poked her foot again, laughing to dispel the discomfort of her not recognizing me as a grandma.

“Were you leaving?” She asked quietly, picking up the bag I brought and looking inside, pulling out the book.

“I think so. Levi told me that running away apparently runs in the family...” I growled.

“Well... he’s been giving me reasons to stay every day... it worked with you, apparently.”

“Yes, I’ve now gone from Ma’am Eleanor Bishop to Grandma Bishop,” I said, holding my face in disbelief. She had an expression I couldn’t quite read, shifting from surprise to accepting a truth.

“Congratulations, Mom, you’re gonna be a grandma...” she teased.

Thank God she didn’t reject me.

“God, I was so scared of hearing that phrase from you... I’m glad you’re into girls...” I whined, amused.

“Yes... but I’m so devilish that I still managed to get you a grandchild anyway...” She poked my shoulder, laughing.

She looked at the book, pulled the elastic holding it together, opened it and sat down to look more closely, and I remained lying down.

Let her see.

She flipped through the pages, and I heard her gasping at each one. She was having her moment with each memory. And then I heard... a strangled, pained, wet sound. She was crying. She gave me a look over her shoulder, looking emotional... sad.

“What is this?” She said, her face completely red.

“This is how I managed to be your mother, in the way I could. If I couldn’t show you through my actions, I tried to do it through this book. I didn’t have the courage to ask you for forgiveness, Kate, even now I don’t, but I’ve been in all your moments, I followed everything, even if it was the wrong way, like... with this book, with paparazzi, with people following you, I always wanted to be with you in some way... even while hating you, I still wanted to be involved...” I said in one breath.

“Wow... this is... I’m between surprised and upset...” she said with a tired sigh.

“Why?” I asked, frightened. I didn’t want her to be upset with me.

“Because I needed this, you know? I wanted to have this in tangible actions, I wanted you to have taught me how to swim, I wanted us to have had that open, free, and funny communication we had today while I was growing up... and this... I don’t even know what to think of it...” She said, still looking at the photos.

“I know... as I told you... I didn’t know how, deep down I never wanted to... I still don’t understand... but I know I did everything wrong... I just don’t... there’s no explanation, Kate... only just now... when you thought I had broken the truce did I find a possible reason, the way you spoke to me reminded me of something, that tone you sometimes take that makes you unrecognizable, it was how your father acted around me all the time. You’re very much like him in many ways, especially in that reactive, imposing, rough, raw effect.” I said quietly, and she looked at me, waiting.

“He was that person . All my shock on the day I visited the restaurant was due to the fear I felt seeing you take on your father's presence , seeing you attack me was like being attacked by him again. I think that’s why I was so shocked by your violence. I froze in fear. Maybe that cemented my hatred for you as you grew up, the more you grew, the more you resembled him, physically and in violent attitudes as well, and you were so rebellious, you stood up against me. I understand now. I think that’s why I hurt you...  I wanted to hurt that man . Every time you were... him , in appearance or behavior, I saw him and tried to kill the image of him I saw in you ... Yelena and I cried earlier because we went through the same pain... postpartum depression is also a huge part of all this...”

“Mom... I...” She cried, holding my hands as if I had hurt her again.

“Let me finish... I... need to speak... I... I... I’m still afraid of him, I had... I still hold that fear... of you, but I understand now, and as I said, I can’t ask you for forgiveness for the beatings, for the humiliation, for any of it... I can only let you know that even being like this, I was still capable of acts like this...” I said, pointing to the album.

She paused at the photo of the knife day. My favorite.

“That was the day I most wanted you to see me, you know? It was like my greatest victory...” She said nostalgically, touching the photo.

“I was... those photos... I took all of them, I asked for favors and watched the entire final battle hidden in a corner. I saw you kneel from exhaustion and cry from joy. I was there... I wanted to see... everything in this book, it was me being there... it was the only way I could deal... sorry... This is my favorite moment of yours...” I said, feeling guilty but happy to share this.

“Well... that sweetens your situation a bit... it was my favorite day too...” She said, wiping her nose on her dress, laughing.

“Oh really?” I asked eagerly.

“I’ve already forgiven you, as I said, I just can’t forget, but I can leave it behind, make it better, redo memories, you know? Like we did today, having a healthy relationship... that’s something I can do... I saw today that I can and want to... you were so nice, so fun, and you gave me so many smiles... and you loved my boy, treated my woman well... today was perfect... even with Levi attacking you, it was incredible... I’m impressed with you... it’s like...” 

She tried to define what we were doing, and I remembered what Yelena and I talked about.

“Falling in love...?” I said, smiling.

“Yes, it’s like I’m getting to know you now, even with all the crap, I’m managing to fall in love with you, like when you’re a child and is in love with your mother... I only came to understand this after meeting Levi, he’s so in love with me... and I’m in love with him. I always say I have a commitment to him as solid as my commitment to Yelena or to cooking... and well... I’m falling in love with you at second sight, Ma’am Eleanor Bishop...” She laughed, bumping her shoulder against mine, looking shy, almost afraid, like someone in love, always fearing not to hear it back. Not today, Kate.

“I’m also in love with you, Kate Bishop... I’m sorry it took so long... I’m sorry if I was a difficult and complicated woman... but now I’ve gotten my head out of my ass, and I finally understand how to have these feelings without feeling weak or afraid...”

I said, looking at my hands and then sitting on them. I was dying to hug Kate, but I wouldn’t invade her space.

“Mom... do you remember if we ever hugged each other before?” She asked softly, glancing sideways at me.

“Huh... not that I remember... why?” I smiled, looking out at the sea.

“Because I really want to hug you right now. Will you let me hug you?” She said, crying with the most beautiful smile.

I didn’t even let her finish her sentence properly and was already on top of her, bringing her down onto the futon and giving her the hug I’d been dreaming of for weeks.

She hugged me back, and I was far from trying to hold back my tears, my affection, my love. I was going to live, I wasn’t going to miss any more chances. I said everything amidst the hug. I apologized, I smiled, I laughed, and we did this for minutes on end. It was a hug of longing, but it was just our first hug.

*

“Hey, Mom... do you want to stay today? We’ll see the sunset soon, and tomorrow morning, we’ll all get up early to watch the sunrise. Levi loves doing that, and so do I...” She said after a while, as we lay there watching the sun disappear.

“Of course I’d love to, my daughter... it’s everything I needed, thank you for giving me this chance...”

“Yelena taught me that chances are important... she taught me that the day you came to see us... she listened to me explain while sitting on my lap, giving me love and affection... I was so afraid of losing her that day... but she explained to me that all people like me and you need are opportunities and chances... thank you for trying... thank you for wanting to change your life...”

“I don’t know how many more days of freedom I’ll have... I had to use my time well, right?”

“Yes... that’s how I thought...” She said, lovingly fixing my hair.

We lay down and talked about silly things we had never discussed throughout our lives, getting to know each other, our likes and dislikes, our favorite places in the world. We watched the sunset together, talked about the house, she explained a bit about her business, and about how the restaurant was going. I told her what was happening now from the perspective of my imminent imprisonment.

“…you know, Mom, there’s an option... there’s someone more dangerous than you, isn’t?” She said, looking at our intertwined hands.

“I don’t want you dealing with those people, Kate...” I said, now frightened by the possibility of her dealing with that man. One day I thought she would be the strength needed against him, but I had something to lose now...

“I don’t think that...” I tried, and she straightened up even more.

“Mom, I can have my people organize a deal. You can tell us everything you know, help us break down the whole scheme... end it all at once... and in exchange, your sentence could be reduced... please... think about it... you can stay here for as long as you need, I can hold things together until you decide... I can... take care... of you...” Kate pleaded, holding my hands.

Could I handle this? I could.

Could I bring it all down? Yes.

Was it fair? No. I was as wrong as they were.

“I don’t want you and Levi to see me as someone trying to take the easy way out...”

“Mom, I know I moved heaven and earth to uncover every bit of your dirt throughout my life... I know you made mistakes and now I can see why you did... let’s try this, please, I don’t want to lose you... fight... do something greater than just being imprisoned and leaving everything as it is, don’t take the blame alone...” she continued.

“I’ll think about it... can I have a few days off in this amazing house of yours to think?” I asked, lying back down and striking a very relaxed pose.

“You’re so cheeky for someone with such a dirty criminal record...” She teased.

“Well... if I’m going to bring down crime in NY and some other countries... I need time... send your people on Monday and I’ll ask mine to come with everything I have... Let’s study my case and see how I can help... okay?”

She hugged me again, tighter this time. I could get used to this. She looked proud of me. “I’ll take care of you now, Eleanor... I’ll get you out of this life... I just need you to want it...”

“I’ll do that if you keep hugging me like this every time. Do we have a deal?” I asked on her shoulder.

She laughed, hugging me and saying, “Yes, Mommy Powerful, whatever you need.”

*