Work Text:
Olivia keeps herself pressed back against the counter, hands gripping the edge that digs into her as she leans her head against the fridge. She can’t get any further away from Elliot if she tried and she’s thankful that he doesn’t even attempt to step forward. Her eyes are still closed, her mind going a million miles an hour. Today has been a lot and she can't quite believe that they're here having this kind of conversation.
It’s true. She isn’t ready for this but God, that doesn’t mean the temptation isn’t there. He’s like gravity, pulling her in closer. All she wants to do is reach out to him. She knows it would feel so good to hug him and kiss him and-
“Liv.”
Elliot’s voice is just as soft and quiet as it has been since she put Noah to bed and it only makes that lure stronger. It’s like every part of her is vibrating, trying to pull her closer to him. She wants to be as close as humanly possible to him and that’s part of what scares her.
This kind of loneliness and exhaustion is different to what she’s felt in the past but it’s still similar enough that she can recognise just how touch-starved she is. Holding Noah and being around him is its own form of comfort but sometimes she needs more. She needs a different kind of comfort and a part of her knows that Elliot could be the answer to that.
Problem is, she doesn’t want the only reason she skips over their missing decade and finally takes that leap to be because she’s touch-starved and desperate for someone to take care of her for once. Deep down she knows they could be more than that. Their time as partners brought about plenty of opportunity for people to make assumptions about them, to second guess how close they were. She had felt that connection come flooding back the second he stepped back into her life and although it hurt and she was angry, she knew her feelings hadn’t changed.
They can get caught up on their missing decade. She’s been wanting to. Has wanted him to be here like he is right now but if she gives in? If she touches him, lets him hold her, gives into that temptation to finally take what she wants… Olivia knows she won’t survive if he runs once more. They need to talk and she needs to know how to breathe clearly again, to feel content and comforted in herself before they take that leap.
Many years ago, she often thought that just a few moments of being Elliot’s was worth any risk but now she’s not so sure. Her body aches with wanting to close the gap between them but her heart twists at the thought of running before they can walk. Olivia knows that first he needs to see every part of her. The parts he’s missed and the parts that she’s become.