Work Text:
Warnings: None, unless you don't like angst in your stories.
Heart Lost
By
Kaear (formally known as Gaea)
As Jim enter the loft, he noticed Blair's accelerated heartbeat. Getting ready for anything, he slowly opened the door. When he looked around, nothing seemed amiss. Right before he could ask Blair what was wrong, Jim noticed Blair's packed bags next to the front door. Jim stared at them in shock.
Before Jim could form any two recognizable words much less a complete sentence Blair announced, "Jim, I need to leave."
At the stricken and panicked look on Jim's face, Blair corrected quickly, "Not forever, but just for awhile. I don't know when I'll be back, but I promise you I will come back. I need to do this."
"But what about our partnership and your classes?"
Jim knew that he sounded like he was whining, but at this point he really didn't care. Blair was abandoning him, and he knew he would be lost without Blair at his side. He'd be lost without his heart.
Sighing, Blair responded, "I've taken a sabbatical at Rainier and I have given Simon some notes describing how to help you if you do zone. Anyway, you haven't zoned in over a year."
When Jim looked like he was about to protest, Blair continued, "If it makes you feel any better, I'll bring my cell phone along with me to where ever I end up. Please don't contact me unless it's an emergency; as in dire threat to your or my well-being. Promise me this, Jim." Please, please promise me.
"I promise, Blair. I still don't understand why you need to go away all of a sudden…", without me, he added silently. Don't you know you are my life, my heart, and my soul? You are what reminds me of my humanity.
"I can't explain right now, Jim, maybe never. It's just something I have to do, something I need to do."
"Can you at least try?"
Resigned, Blair said, "I'll try. It probably won't make any sense to you, but I'll try anyway. Please just hold any questions or comments to yourself until I'm finished speaking."
Taking a deep breath, Blair continued, "I'm going on a walkabout."
When Jim opened his mouth like he was going to say something, Blair held up his hand to warn Jim not to interrupt.
"I need to find my center. I need to find out who I am, Blair Sandburg, not what others perceive me to be. It may take a couple days, a week, a month, or maybe even a year or two.
At Jim's gasp, Blair paused then resumed his explanation like he hadn't noticed Jim's reaction.
"Jim, I might not be the same person you know now when I come back. You might not like who I may become. There is nothing else I can think of to say to make you understand better. It just comes down to something I need to do to keep my sanity intact. Please, just let me go."
At Jim's nod, Blair picked up his bags and turned toward the door. His parting words were, "No matter how much I may change, Jim, I will always be your guide, shaman, and friend. Believe this and you'll believe I'm coming back. I won't say goodbye because this isn't for forever, so until we meet again…"
Since Jim didn't look like he was going to respond, Blair opened the door and left without looking back.
With a single, solitary tear drop running down Jim's face he softly replied, "Blair, I do believe."
The End (for now)