Chapter Text
Chapter 14: Soul Searching
“Quiet people
have the loudest
minds.”
-Stephen King
Sakura sighed as she turned another page. Her eyes were stinging and her vision was starting to blur, but still she carried on. Another page, another name, another face that she had to memorize. Her very life could depend on it.
Bleary pupils scanned the information as quickly as possible. She had thirty books down, and at least twenty more to go. Flipping to the next page, Sakura’s eyes drifted to the image printed at the top. She blinked tiredly at the picture before her weary eyes perked up, and focused in on the photo with vigorous intensity.
Cruel dark eyes and painted red lips, quirked in a teasing smile stared back out the page.
It was her.
Black Spider.
Green eyes darted over to see the name stamped across the top of the page.
'Kita, Marai’
Status: Missing Nin
Bounty: To Be Determined upon Capture or Kill
Country of Origin: Iwagakure
Alias: Black Spider
Blood Limit: None
Kita Marai crafts a unique genjutsu that causes the victim to feel as if they are dreaming. The dreams are vivid and pleasant enough that the victim often does not want to wake up. While under the genjutsu, Kita is known to behead her victims with nin wires.
Associates: Unknown
Sakura frowned as she read the last line. Black Spider had taunted Kakashi-sensei by saying that they had an old friend in common. But not a single associate was listed next to her, let alone one that Kakashi would potentially know…
Then again she was a missing nin. After cutting ties with one’s village, the number of people a nin could count on was usually only whittled down to themselves.
But forming an alliance with other missing nin was always a distinct possibility. And finding someone so talented with genjutsu was rare, so it was more than likely that someone sought her out for her unique talents.
Sakura frowned as her thoughts trailed off to how exactly she had managed to escape from Black Spider’s genjutsu… Kakashi-sensei seemed downright astounded that it was a feat she actually accomplished. And while his lack of faith in her abilities had stung at the time she had to reassess her opinion as she gazed at the bright red ‘S’ rank that stood out on the page.
No genin should have been able to resist her illusion.
She thought about the original genjutsu that had been cast over all three of them. The woman had completed it so flawlessly that Sakura hadn’t even felt the illusion wash over her. But once she was trapped she had experienced a euphoria so intense that she could understand why some victims never wanted to escape… And that was when only a small portion of Black Spider’s attention and chakra had been used. She shuddered to think about the woman’s full capabilities. Her clone had been difficult enough.
“TEME, I think I see her!” a familiar voice whisper- shouted, causing several heads to snap up at the intrusion.
“Would you shut up dobe? You’re going to get us kicked out before we even find Sakura,” another familiar and slightly quieter, but definitely more aggravated voice replied.
Sakura internally sighed before lifting her head and spotting her two teammates in full bicker mode as they approached her.
It appeared as if her quiet and productive morning had just gone down the drain.
“Sakura-chan!” Naruto said, his voice half elated and half whining, “we have been looking for you everywhere!” he said, slumping into the chair across from hers.
“What are you doing?” Sasuke asked, leafing through the large pile of bingo books that she had strewn around the table.
“I’m researching,” she waspishly replied, snatching the book out of Sasuke’s hand.
His brows rose in surprised response and Sakura huffed before rubbing at her eyes. She had had a late night and an early morning, which was resulting in a thoroughly grumpy demeanor now.
It had been nearly three a.m. by the time she managed to slip into her bed. And Sakura had thanked every deity she could think of that neither one of her parents had waited up for her. Her mother would have worried and her father would have lectured. Both for vastly different reasons.
What should have been an exhausted, dreamless sleep was actually a fitful rest followed. Her mind kept chasing her with images of Black Spider’s cruel eyes, the feel of cold hands clutched around her throat, and the hot flare of her own chakra…
So instead of tossing and turning, Sakura had taken a quick shower before slipping back out of the house and headed off to the library. The only way of preventing a situation like that from happening again was to be prepared. And how could one prepare for enemies, when one didn’t even know who enemies were?
“But Sakura-chan, it’s our day off! You should be relaxing, not researching,” Naruto said, his nose scrunched up at the last word.
Sakura refrained from pointing out to Naruto that she actually enjoyed reading about shinobi techniques. Or how researching rogue nin had become somewhat of a hobby. Yesterday may have put things a little more in perspective and turned her hobby to a necessity, but it didn’t change the fact that she was in her element amongst the stacks of books.
Sasuke must have followed her line of reasoning a little more, even if he arrived at a different conclusion.
“Don’t you think you’re going a little overboard? I mean, its not like every shinobi we encounter will be listed in one of these books, or will have the ego to introduce themselves before attacking.”
Sakura had indeed thought about that, but she felt her irritation rising even more with Sasuke’s haughty tone. He seemed to be in just as grumpy of a mood as her- granted he also had good reason after last night’s revelations. And judging from the dark smudges under his eyes, he had gotten about as much sleep as Sakura had too.
But still his superior attitude grated on her. She had to take it at home, but she didn’t have to stand for it here.
“I still think its beneficial to potentially recognize a enemy nin, know their strengths, and therefore are more readily available to pinpoint their weaknesses,” Sakura said, condescension coloring her words.
“How are you supposed to remember all these names and faces though Sakura-chan?” Naruto doubtfully asked as he skimmed through an older book from Rain.
“I have an eidetic memory.”
Naruto just stared at her blankly.
“It means she has a photographic memory, dobe. She remembers everything she encounters,” Sasuke impatiently explained. He then turned to her, “I didn’t know you had that.”
Sakura shrugged. It had never seemed like an overly important detail to share. Sure, it was a unique trait, but it didn’t exactly put her on the prodigy level, so Sakura had never seen the point in divulging it.
And for the first time, Sakura watched as Naruto actually agreed with Sasuke.
“Sakura-chan, that’s pretty important. We’re you’re team, you should tell us this types of stuff!”
A falsely repentant smile crossed her lips and seemed to put Naruto at ease. But Sasuke’s hawk like eyes remained rooted to hers, unrelenting.
Yes, they were a team. No, they were not a family- despite Kakashi-sensei’s words. And no, Sakura didn’t plan on divulging every single thing about herself with them. Everyone had secrets- it was human nature to keep things to yourself- to burry the darkest, ugliest part of yourself deep, deep down to never see the sun.
And it wasn’t like she was the only one who was keeping things to herself. She could see the secrets guarded behind Kakashi’s mask, Naruto’s sometimes-faltering smile, and Sasuke’s haunted eyes.
But somehow her teammates and sensei seemed to forget about their own rigid (or in Naruto’s case nonexistent) boundaries and were more than ready to pry into her personal life. In this case, she needed to divert Sasuke’s attention.
“Have you seen Kakashi-sensei at all this morning?”
Sasuke’s suspicious eyes flashed with indiscernible emotions-, which was understandable, before he shook his head no.
Sakura swallowed hard before bringing up a topic that she was quite sure was forbidden, and not just because it was considered socially unacceptable. “I need to ask you something about the sharingan.”
Sasuke’s jaw clenched, but he reluctantly lowered himself into the chair beside Naruto.
“What do you want to know?” he asked, tone guarded.
“How much do you know about your dojutsu? Were you taught about it when you were younger?”
Sasuke’s brows pinched into a frown as he considered her question. Naruto meanwhile looked between the two, utterly befuddled, but for once remained silent.
“I know a bit, but not much. It was traditional in my family for one to be taught about the sharingan in a special ceremony once they activated it,” Sasuke tonelessly relayed.
Sakura’s mind whirled with the new information.
Some families with bloodlimits taught their children about them from young ages. Hinata had once told her that she grew up taking lessons about the byakugan because it was a bloodlimit she was born with- not one she developed. The Uchiha’s seemed to take a totally different approach.
“And how exactly is the sharingan activated, if you don’t mind me asking?” Sakura questioned, barely noticing the pain in her teammate’s eyes as her mind ruthlessly theorized about Black Spider’s interest in her teammate.
“Why do you want to know all this?” Sasuke finally snapped.
“Don’t yell at her teme!” Naruto said, shooting Sasuke a glare.
Sakura bit her lip as she finally noticed what Sasuke’s surliness was covering- his anguish. His dead family were all sharingan users, and here she was thoughtlessly quizzing him about it.
“I’m sorry.”
Sasuke nodded, but wouldn’t meet her eyes.
“You guys are confusing me!” Naruto loudly exclaimed. “I know this sharingan thing is a big deal, but why are you so interested in it Sakura-chan? It’s not like your going to develop it.”
“Keep your voice down,” Sasuke hissed.
Naruto shot him an annoyed glare, but Sasuke missed it, as he too was intent on her answer.
Sakura leaned forward and lowered her voice, both boys leaning in to hear her rushed words.
“Yesterday when I was in the woods with one of Black Spider’s clones, she pinned me against a tree-” Naruto’s face looked horrified and Sasuke’s eyes widened in shock, but Sakura continued on, “and she asked me if Sasuke had activated his sharingan yet…”
Naruto looked puzzled, but Sasuke’s eyes held her own, reflecting her own troubled state.
“Why would she want to know that?” Naruto questioned.
Sakura suppressed her sigh, “Think about it Naruto- the sharingan allows the user to copy any jutsu, so long as it’s not a bloodlimit. Who wouldn’t want a weapon like that?”
“So Black Spider is after the teme’s eyes?”
Sasuke leaned back in his chair, lost in thought as his midnight eyes traced the ceiling. “I don’t think she’s after me- she told Kakashi she was there because of an old mutual friend.”
“Exactly,” Sakura said. “But I found her in the bingo books and no known affiliates of hers are listed. Whoever is after you is a mystery, and I don’t even think Kakashi-sensei knows.”
“You talked to Kakashi about this?” Sasuke questioned, his attention returning to her.
Sakura thought back to her conversation with the man in question last night. She felt as if it was her duty to tell him. Sure, it involved her teammate, but even Sasuke should realize they were over their heads with whatever foul plot was going on.
“Of course I did! If someone snuck into the village in the middle of the night and kidnapped you and I didn’t tell Kakashi-sensei, that would be on my conscious,” Sakura said, tone flat.
Sasuke’s face was the picture of annoyed offense, but Sakura held his stare, daring him to contradict her.
“Well, what did Kaka-sensei say?” Naruto questioned.
Sakura sighed, “He told me to go home and get some rest.”
“So basically he doesn’t know squat either,” Naruto huffed.
“My, my, I don’t know if I should be thrilled or offended,” a new voice drawled.
Naruto jumped, Sasuke whirled around, and Sakura felt her stomach drop as she met the lone eye of her sensei.
“Kakashi-sensei, we were just, ugh, doing some light reading,” Naruto said, completely failing to sound innocent, as he picked up a bingo book, upside down.
“Oh really?” Kakashi said, his amusement clear. “Because I could have sworn I just heard you three talking about Black Spider…”
Sakura kept quiet as Kakashi came around to her side of the table and sat in the only other free chair. He leafed through the pile of bingo books for a moment, purposefully drawing out the tension.
“While I applaud you three actually working together for once, I have to warn you to let this particular incident go. Its way above your pay grade,” Kakashi finally said, looking pointedly at her.
“But sensei, someone is after Sasuke!” Naruto pleaded. “And he is family, aren’t we supposed to look after family.”
Sasuke’s face took on a bizarre mixture or horror and disbelief as Naruto uttered this, but he didn’t contradict either, which practically confirmed his agreement.
“Yes, Naruto you should look after each other. And I do want you to keep a close eye on Sasuke,” the boy in question grimaced, “but save the investigating for the jounin that are actually trained to do it.”
Naruto’s face took on a distinct pouty expression, but he remained quiet. Sakura met Sasuke’s eyes and she could tell that he wasn’t going to let this go.
“Now, there is actually another reason that I came to see you three about,” Kakashi said, straightening out of his slouch. “I have scheduled each of you an appointment with the shinobi psychiatric councilor-”
Sasuke opened his mouth, nearly beating Naruto in his furious protest, but Kakashi raised his hand to stop the two.
“This is standard procedure you three. You each saw your first dead body in the line of action yesterday. They just want to make sure that you are dealing with this properly and have some tips that can help you overcome what you saw.”
“This is pointless,” Sasuke scoffed, more fury in his eyes than when Sakura had brought up the sharingan.
“Be that as it may,” Kakashi replied, voice firm, “this session is mandatory for all Konoha shinobi- no one is exempt.”
Sakura felt a strange combination of both dread and contempt settle within her. Talking to a shrink about a dead body- how pointless. Any child who entered the shinobi Academy was explicitly told that at some point death was part of their job description. Kill or be killed.
And she couldn’t fathom how exactly talking to shrink was going to help them… It’s not like spilling her inner feelings of sympathetic disgust was going to all of the sudden bring Ito Yori back to life. He was dead and going to stay dead and there wasn’t anything she could do about it.
It would be different if she had done the actual killing. But in this case Sakura harbored no guilt over the man with the glass eyes in the garden. Yes, he had suffered a terrible and needless fate, but she was not responsible for putting him there.
“I will inform you when the appointment schedules have been finalized. And whatever you say will remain completely confidential. Your councilor will only give me the results of your session, but no details will be shared,” Kakashi stated.
And Sakura wasn’t sure how he could keep a straight face, even under his mask while he said that. Because there was no possible way that whatever was going to be discussed behind closed doors wasn’t going to be shared. Kakashi would more than likely know every detail, and report it back to the Hokage. Especially when someone like Sasuke- the last Uchiha, whose eyes were being sought after was involved.
“Now if you three aren’t too busy, I thought I would show you something interesting,” Kakashi-sensei said, his voice returning to its lackadaisical drawl.
“Awe sensei, you said it was our day off,” Naruto groaned.
“I’m not making you train, I’m going to assess your chakra levels and show you what your possible ninjutsu element is.” All three of his student’s eyes suddenly became much more interested as they zoned in on him. “That is, if your interested…”
“We’re interested,” Sasuke immediately said.
“Good,” Kakashi replied, rising from his chair. “Follow me to the training ground.”
Sakura got to her feet to follow, only feeling slightly bad for whatever chunin was going to have to clean up her mess. But this new information- this was worth its weight in gold.
And Sakura couldn’t help but feel slightly suspicious as she followed her three teammates out of the library and through the village. Why did it feel like their sensei was buttering them up for something? He already shared the bad news about the psychiatric evaluations- they were mandatory and not his fault, so why was he doing this? Kakashi-sensei hadn’t even hinted that he was close to teaching them any special jutsus- so far it was all taijutsu.
The only other thing Sakura could think off was that he had alternative reasons for wanting to know about their chakra affinities.
“Maybe we can all get lunch together afterwards,” Naruto brightly chirped.
“Perhaps,” Kakashi conceded, his mask pulling up in the telltale sign of a smirk.
And Sakura felt slightly ashamed of the way she was thinking about her sensei. He was a good teacher that probably just felt bad about what they experienced yesterday and wanted to cheer them up.
No nin beneath the jounin level should have faced off against Black Spider, clones or the real woman, and yet they had and it only further pushed them into this adulthood of ninja dealings that Kakashi-sensei always seemed so opposed to pushing them into.
She really needed to stop automatically assuming the worst about people.
Kakashi led them to the little pond at the edge of the training grounds and they each sat around in a circle.
Eyes alert and focused on their sensei, Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura were doing their best to be patient, as anything less would cause their lazy teacher to take even more time getting to the point.
“Alright you three the first thing we are going to do is find out if you have any elemental affiliations for ninjutsu. Do not fell badly if you don’t, as there are many strong shinobi who do not and still have an impressive arsenal of ninjutsu,” Kakashi stated.
“What’s your element?”” Sakura questioned, intrigued.
Kakashi’s lone eye met hers and crinkled happily, “when I was your age, my only affinity was lightening. Because of the sharingan and lots and lots of practice, I am able to use all elements.”
He directed the last bit to Sasuke and it wasn’t obvious in the way Sasuke perked up, but his eyes did look a little lighter.
“That’s so cool sensei! So how do we figure out what element we are?” Naruto demanded.
Kakashi’s gloved hand reached into his weapons pouch, and he rooted around for a moment before withdrawing…paper.
Sakura’s brow furrowed- well that was underwhelming.
“This is special paper,” Kakashi explained. “Whenever someone touches it with their bare hands, it will show which element or elements their affinity is. Who wants to go first?”
Naruto snatched the paper out of Kakashi’s hand before he even finished his sentence.
Sakura watched in fascination, as the paper remained blank for a moment before little wind tunnels began to gather along the page, gaining momentum until they turned into a small tornado.
“Congratulations Naruto, you seem to be wind affiliated. There are several famous window users, including one of the legendary sannin,” Kakashi said.
“Cool,” Naruto slowly breathed out. “I’m going to be the strongest wind user ever, believe it!” he said with a fist pump.
Sasuke snatched the paper out of his hands with an eye roll. Naruto hushed as they all focused on the paper in his hand. Sakura felt her eyes widen as electricity began to crackle across the page.
“Sasuke, you appear to be a lightening user like me,” Kakashi said.
Sasuke’s brows furrowed, “But my family has always been known to be fire users.”
“That doesn’t mean that you still cannot use fire ninjutsu,” Sakura found herself saying. “I’m sure we could all perform any type of ninjutsu, but whatever we have an affinity for will be easiest.”
She thought back to the way she tried using fire style ninjutsu with her whip. Her heart sank as she thought about how difficult it had been. She had always wanted to be a fire user, especially in combination with her whip.
“Sakura is right. Anyone can perform any style of ninjutsu, but utilizing one within your affinity will be much more powerful,” Kakashi stated.
“Your turn Sakura-chan!” Naruto said, his eyes bright with excitement.
Nerves scuttled down her spine as she took the paper from Sasuke.
For a long moment the paper did nothing and Sakura felt her heart sink even further. What was worse than not being a fire style user was not having any affinity at all, despite what Kakashi said.
But Sakura’s brow pinched as the paper became damp beneath her hands. She watched as the parchment wilted with moisture, before hardening again, frost spreading over its surface.
“That’s- interesting,” Kakashi-sensei said, his tone making Sakura’s head snap up to meet his eyes.
“What is?” Sakura questioned.
“Isn’t she a water style user?” Sasuke inquired, asking the very question that was on the tip of her tongue.
“Yes, with a particular talent for ice jutsus it seems,” Kakashi said.
“Isn’t that similar to Sasuke with lightening?” Sakura questioned. “Technically lightening is a wind jutsu, right?”
“No, not exactly. Lightening is a combination of fire and wind, but it has its own affiliates. Ice however is usually a type of water jutsu learned, not immediately affiliated, which makes your paper unique.”
“So does this mean you are going to start teaching us cool ninjutsu sensei?’ Naruto eagerly questioned.
Sakura’s eyes darted to her sensei’s face, just as anxious for his answer.
“Its not quite that simple Naruto,” Kakashi stated. “I have to check and see where your chakra levels are at first.”
“When can we do that?” Naruto asked, practically bouncing.
“Well, we can now, if you don’t mind spending a little more time with your sensei.”
“We don’t mind,” Sasuke assured.
“Alright, Naruto, you’re up first again. Come here.”
Sakura watched as Naruto moved closer to their sensei. Kakashi put a hand on Naruto’s forehead and a faint green light alit his gloved hands. Naruto twitched slightly, but otherwise remained silent. It only took a short moment before Kakashi was pulling away again.
“You have a very large reserve of chakra, Naruto,” Kakashi stated.
His tone conveyed that this was not particularly surprising and Sakura had to wonder whether or not her sensei had some sensory abilities. Because anyone could train themselves to detect chakra, but it was much more difficult to simply be able to diagnose how much chakra a person had.
“Yes!” Naruto fist pumped, “Wind jutsus, here I come!”
Sasuke rolled his eyes, and elbowed Naruto out of the way as he made his way in front of their sensei.
The same process was repeated again, but this time Kakashi spent even less time on Sasuke.
“You also have quite a large reserve of chakra Sasuke. And I can see the reserves behind your eyes should your sharingan develop,” Kakashi stated.
Sasuke stoically nodded, but Sakura thought she could detect the relief in his dark eyes.
“And finally our kunoichi, before we get lunch,” Kakashi-sensei said, gesturing her to come forward.
Sakura did as asked and moved closer to her sensei, noting the way in which his hand hesitated before pressing against her forehead.
She closed her eyes as a cooling sensation rushed through her veins in almost a pleasant way as Kakashi completed his scan. She could feel it all the way from her toes, to the tips of her ear. It lingered for a moment on her every present hot bundle of chakra near her throat before Kakashi pulled away.
When Sakura opened her eyes she caught the astonishment in her sensei’s eye, before a friendly crinkle quickly masked it.
“Everything looks great Sakura-chan,” Kakashi-sensei reassured, but Sakura couldn’t help but linger on the fact that he didn’t comment on how large or small her actual chakra reserves were like with the others…
Did she somehow have less than them? Was she not up to par?
“Why don’t we head out for some lunch now,” Kakashi said, rising to his feet.
The three followed suit, and Naruto was off towards the bridge yelling about ramen. Sasuke must have been in a slightly better mood than the morning as he quickly followed Naruto hissing that he couldn’t stomach ramen again this week.
Sakura was about to follow suit before Kakashi’s words stopped her.
“Sakura-chan, I’m curious, have you always had the chakra reserve in your throat, or is it a recent development?”
Sakura frowned slightly, wondering at his line of questioning. She had never thought it particularly odd that she had a large cluster of chakra near her throat, simply dismissing it. Everyone had lumps of chakra outside of their core source... right?
Looking up at the older man, she saw that his gaze was carefully fixed on the bickering boys ahead of them. “I have always had the chakra there. Or at least I think so. I didn’t know how to detect it when I was younger, but when I did my first scan it was there. Why?”
Kakashi’s eye caught hers, “Most people don’t have large chakra reserves outside of their chakra core… did you know that the one by your throat is actually larger than your core chakra?”
Sakura’s eyes widened. It had been days since she last meditated. With everything going on, and training being exhausting, not to mention she was somewhat avoiding looking within herself, afraid to see the black mass had grown larger, Sakura hadn’t checked out her chakra.
“No, I didn’t. Is- is that bad sensei?”
Kakashi carefully grinned, “No, it’s not bad. Just something that you should be aware of when you are drawing out chakra for jutsus.”
Sakura felt her shoulders slump with relief.
“Did your mother even mention having a chakra cluster like yours near her throat. Or a possible bloodlimit?”
And despite the ease in which her sensei asked the question, Sakura felt as if ice had been poured down her spine.
“No, not that I know of. Why?” she questioned, voice free of the panic clawing its way through her.
“Oh, no reason. I was just wondering if it was inherited,” Kakashi said.
Sakura offered him a polite smile, and felt bone- crushing relief when he dropped the subject in favor of chiding Naruto for swearing very loudly at their Uchiha teammate.
But still, the fearful paranoia followed her around all the way through lunch at Ichirakus. And when Kakashi-sensei excused himself from his stool, skipping out on the bill, Sakura couldn’t help but worriedly follow the trails of smoke he left behind.
Her instincts informed her that something bad was going to happen.