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Okay, so Danny’s first attempt at a portal isn’t what one would call a success.
In fact, it might even be more accurate to call it a disaster. A catastrophe. An epic fail of epic proportions, if you will, but please don’t.
All things told, it’s not great.
No, actually, that’s a lie! Screw you, his first portal was fine! It wasn’t exactly where he wanted to go—a pitch black cave in the middle of nowhere is very different to the Disney World he was hoping for—but it held its shape with only a few splits and cracks, and Wulf said that it was a good first start!
So they celebrated! They zipped through Danny’s first, real, actually functioning portal (after who knows how many hours of trying) whooping and hollering and howling in glee.
Sure, it was a little disappointing, seeing the cavern he’d brought them to. There really wasn’t much to it, just a few stalagmites (or were they stalactites?) and the smell of old, stale air. It’s not even all that big, about 20ft from one end to the other. Spooky in that heart-squeezing claustrophobia kind of way that never left him, even with the constant reminders that he can turn intangible whenever he wants now and getting stuck thousands of miles under the surface isn’t exactly a problem.
But, whatever! It was a decent first attempt and Danny’s still going to be bragging about it when he gets back to Sam and Tucker.
“Next stop, Disney World! We’re going to ride Space Mountain until you puke, Wulf!”
Wulf’s laughter echoes off the rock, his teeth glinting in their otherworldly light.
Yes, his first portal is a success.
It’s his second one that isn’t.
Look. He’s new at this, okay? He’s allowed a few mistakes. A few oopsies. An uh-oh or two.
But this whoopsy-daisy really takes it to a whole other level.
Just like his first portal, the second one doesn’t quite open where he wants it to. Unfortunately, instead of opening into a relatively safe (if incredibly underwhelming) cave, it splits a hole right into a great ocean of ectoplasm in the Ghost Zone, which promptly begins to flood the space around them.
It’s up to their ankles in seconds as gallons of foaming green water surge through the opening, with a thundering roar like waves crashing upon the shore.
“Uh…” Both he and Wulf just stare, watching with wide eyes as the day just gets worse and worse.
“Wulf!” Knocking himself out of his trance, Danny turns towards him and flaps his arms in panic. Oh, shit! This isn’t good! There’s no way this amount of ectoplasm in the material world is healthy, he’s going to be in so much trouble! What the hell are they meant to do? “Help!”
It takes a second for Wulf’s gruff esperanto to actually register as a language and not some panicked growl, and even then Danny has to translate that in his frazzled brain—and somehow it takes him even longer to actually process the order for what it is—but in his defence things are not exactly going well right now! Yes, duh, of course Danny should close the portal! He really should have thought of that sooner.
Except Danny can’t close the portal.
He waves his arm frantically in the air, trying to dispel the opening like he did earlier, but this one stays stubbornly fixed in the same spot. Shit.
Perhaps if he gets closer?
The ectoplasm is practically up to his knees now and the force of it is so strong that it takes all of Danny’s strength to push himself a few steps forward before realising that, oh yeah, he’s a ghost, he can turn himself intangible. He can also fly.
Except… Getting closer doesn’t help.
Switching arms doesn’t help.
Yelling at the damn thing to just please close pleasedoesn’t help.
The worst part of it? He catches a glimpse the other side of the portal, and there’s nothing but ectoplasm—it’s not as if he’s accidentally draining a small reserve and it’ll be over soon, it's all ectoplasm—who knows how long this will keep going if he doesn’t close it?
“Wulf!”
“Relax? You want me to relax?” Both Danny and his voice rise higher and higher as he does just about the opposite of relaxing. “How am I meant to relax with this happening, Wulf?”
“Shouting at me isn’t exactly helping!”
In fact, nothing’s helping! Danny tries taking some deep breaths, he really does, but they’re all tinged with the acrid scent of ectoplasm burning the back of his throat and, unsurprisingly, it doesn’t work at all.
Danny’s head hits rock, his jaw clamping shut with the jolt, slamming his teeth together and making his brain rattle. Holy shit, when did they reach the ceiling? Only the very top of the portal is visible now, how did it fill up so quickly? Shit!
His heart sinks just as the portal disappears below the surface, ectoplasm continuing to rise around it.
He just wanted to go to Disney World.
Before he can do anything else—not that he was really doing much anyway—he hears the tell-tale ripping sound of a portal opening and a clawed grip on his arm yanks him back into the Ghost Zone.
It still smells of ectoplasm, but it’s blissfully quiet. The bubbling stops as soon as Wulf’s portal closes, as easily as just waving his hand. Show off.
Danny instead focuses on breathing, doubled over with his hands on his knees. Closing portals is harder than Wulf makes it look, okay? So is opening them, apparently.
It takes a solid minute or two for his heart to slow back down to its normal rhythm and it’s only then that he finally deems it safe to stand up properly and face Wulf.
As soon as their eyes meet, Wulf lets out an explosive breath and growls out a heartfelt, “Fiku.”
“Wulf! Language.”
“Fuck,” Wulf corrects.
“Not what I meant, buddy. But yeah… Fuck.”
In the hours after the… incident, Wulf has Danny open and close at least twenty portals until he’s satisfied with Danny’s ability to do both.
Jury’s still out on whether he can do it in a high stress situation, but hopefully—dear Ancients, hopefully—he won’t have to find out any time soon. (He definitely will, that’s just Fenton luck for you!)
Still.
They should probably go back and fix it, right? They should definitely go back and fix it. Preferably before anyone else finds out, thank you.
“Ĉu vi volas, ke mi malfermu la portalon?” [ 4 ]
“No, I can do it. Probably.” Danny takes a deep breath and nods decisively at Wulf. “I can do it. Mi povas fari tion.”[ 5 ]"
Turns out he can’t do it, actually!
The portal rips open just fine (he’s gotten very good at creating them, at least! No more fizzles and pops for him!) but when they step through, it’s into a huge room with walls hewn from rock and braziers throwing strange shadows in the dim light. He was so sure he was concentrating on where they last were, too!
From what Wulf has told him, having actually been to the place you want to portal to should make it easier to return—so, realistically, Disney World might have been a bit of an ambitious first attempt, but he really wants to ride Space Mountain, okay?—and to get it so fundamentally wrong again is… disheartening, to say the least.
Just means more practice is in order! Hours and hours of practice… Great. He sighs and hangs limp in the air. Another thing he needs to study.
“Ah, Wulf, I really thought I had it this time!” Danny spins in the air, his hands pulling at his hair. What a mess! How’s he going to fix it if he can’t even find the place again? “Mi havos tiom da problemo!”[ 6 ]
“No trouble. It is here, we fix.” Wulf lifts his nose and sniffs deep, the air catching and guttural in his throat. He’s so cool. “Smell?”
Danny lifts his face high into the air and takes a deep breath. The heady smoke from the braziers and whatever incense is floating about tickles his nose and makes him sneeze, pushing him back a few feet, eyes watering.
“Thanks! What am I meant to be smelling? Kio oderas?[ 8 ]” Trying again, he still can’t pick anything up other than the cloying smoke. Maybe there’s something sweet?
He drifts forward a bit, following his nose like he’s in a cartoon and some lovely old grandma has just placed a steaming pie, fresh from the oven, on the windowsill to cool. There’s definitely something there, something buried under all the other smells that gets stronger the farther forward he floats…
Ever so slightly sweet that it burns his nose, citrusy, yet old and stale, like…
He comes to the realisation just as Wulf answers, confirming the squirming, niggling feeling of wrongness in his gut.
“Ektoplasmo.”
Yeah, it’s ectoplasm, definitely, but that can’t be right?
The portal’s closed behind them so they're definitely in the real world, why is he smelling it here? This can’t be the place he and Wulf were in just a few short hours ago, can it?
“That doesn’t make sense, how… kiel estas ektoplasmo ĉi tie?”[ 9 ]"
Seriously, how is there ectoplasm here? And where exactly is here? It can’t be the dark cave they were just in, there’s no way this place could have been created in a couple of hours! What’s happened?
“Vi malfermis portalon kaj ĉio eliris,”[ 10 ] Wulf helpfully supplies, drifting down to the floor and following behind Danny on foot.
“Yes, thank you, Wulf, I remember what happened. Are you sure this is the place?”
Wulf doesn’t answer, he doesn’t need to answer, because as they walk farther into the room a familiar green glow begins to bleed into the air.
Yeah, there it is. That’s ectoplasm, alright. But… There’s something wrong with it. He can feel it in his bones, an itching just under his skin, a prickle at the back of his neck. It rubs him the wrong way and Ancients, even if this isn’t the place, he should definitely help with whatever’s happening here.
Because first of all, it smells. Off. Like it’s been sitting out for too long, like a carton of milk just on the turn—not too sour yet, but definitely tangy—you’ll use it if you have to, but your cereal is going to taste funny and it’s probably time to visit the shop. It’s not fresh.
Secondly, if the pillars, the walls, the ceiling, the paintings, the decorations, the everything wasn’t enough of a tip off, the pool is surrounded by wrought metal plates on runners that look like they’re meant to be pulled over the ectoplasm to… store it? Cover it up? Which means that people have definitely been here. Are here? Someone has to light those fires, Danny supposes. Whatever, it means they’ve found it, and there’s no way that’s a good thing.
Thirdly, and this is what really confuses him the most, he can feel it. His portal is there, right at the bottom of the pool, still open. Taunting him.
“Yeah…” Danny answers his own question, his voice echoing in the large chamber, “This is definitely the place.”
But how?
He valiantly resists the urge to swear as he peers into the swirling waters.
Unfortunately, that’s just when a head pops out with a gasping breath to scare the ever-loving shit out of them, and he’s not able to resist again.
“Fuck!” he shrieks, jerking away from the man and bumping into Wulf’s hulking body.
"Lingvo,"[ 11 ] Wulf grunts, not taking his eyes off the human in front of them. His claws curl over Danny’s arms, grounding, protecting.
“Sorry, Wulf.” Danny’s voice holds the same distant shock as Wulf’s, because seriously, what the fuck? “Fiku.”
Wulf swats him on the head.
Yeah, Danny probably should have realised something like this would happen when he decided to ask Wulf to teach him portals.
Not that it’s Wulf’s fault, don’t get him wrong! It’s just… the aforementioned Fenton luck.
The man—tall, with a creepy old guy goatee, stark naked except for a loincloth (ew), maybe early 50s (it’s hard to tell with all the green still dripping off him), yet still surprisingly ripped, so props to him for that—staggers out of the pool and makes his way around them to a pile of clothes on the floor, never turning his back to them or dropping their eye contact.
Wulf and Danny slowly turn to follow him.
No one says anything as the man throws a robe or something over his shoulder to somewhat cover himself. Danny doesn’t miss the (impressively sweet) sword laying next to the rest of the man’s belongings… That Danny completely missed on his way towards the pool. Look, in his defence, they were thinking of more important things! How was he meant to notice a pile of clothes when there’s a huge fuck-off pool of ectoplasm in the room?
The man keeps his head stubbornly raised as he crouches to clasp at the sword.
Wulf growls, but instead of stopping, the man completes his action and stands tall in front of them, sword in hand. Still sheathed, at least, so there’s that. And… well, the man seems human? So hopefully the sword won’t be a problem; they’re ghosts, after all.
Hopefully.
Wulf’s soft growls grow in intensity and the mood begins to shift into something more dangerous. Best put a stop to this before a fight breaks out and they end up making this situation worse.
Danny reaches a hand up to pat Wulf’s arm, projecting a sense of calm even if he doesn’t feel it.
“Hi?” Danny begins—they should at least try some diplomacy before fighting, hopefully they can get some answers—swallowing hard when the man’s sharp eyes switch to him, dark and seething. Alright. Perhaps diplomacy won’t work here. “My name’s Phantom, and this is Wulf. Who are you?”
The man’s eyes narrow as he considers the both of them, gaze flicking back and forth, and Danny holds his breath.
“What are you?”
“Okay, well, that’s kind of rude. Again, my name’s Phantom.” Danny speaks slowly, nodding with wide eyes, before pointing to Wulf. “And this is my friend Wulf. We just want to know who you are… And what you’re doing here, and why you’re doing it.”
He holds his hands up in the air—they don’t mean any harm, they’re just two confused people wanting some answers! Please put the sword down. “Also, like, where are we? What is this place?”
Besides, the man has already tipped his hat. He doesn’t know they’re ghosts, which means he’s not a ghost or an entity of the Zone at all, and most probably… human. A human that just came out of ectoplasm.
Seriously, why?
For a tense moment, Danny thinks they’ve blown it and they won’t be getting any answers without a few broken bones and he really doesn’t want to fight right now. The man scowls and tightens his grip on the sword, his eyes glinting a ghostly green in the dim light. That’s probably not a good sign. Is he liminal? Contaminated? How long has he been going on these ectoplasmic swimming trips?
Luckily, the man seems to come to the (correct) decision and answers at least one of their questions, while unfortunately giving them a whole load more.
“My name is Ra’s al Ghul. I am the Demon Head, Lord of the Lazarus Pit, and you are trespassing. Again,” the man pauses, his voice hardening, “what are you?”
“Oh.” Danny opens his mouth only to close it again as he tries to process what the man… what Ra’s al Ghul just said while ignoring his question. He doesn’t get very far with it. “What?”
"Li estas demono?"[ 12 ] Wulf asks, cocking his head to the side as his voice does that confused little whine that dogs do sometimes. It’s very endearing.
“Ne, I don’t think so. You’re not a demon, right?”
“I am the Demon Head.”
“Yeah, I don’t know what that means.” Danny shrugs, but drops it. He’s like 99% sure that the guy is human. 90%. Okay, more like 80. He’s a solid 75% sure. There’s definitely some sort of weird whiff coming from him that makes Danny doubt he’s entirely human, but that could just be the funky ectoplasm oozing off his still uncomfortably naked body.
Whatever, Danny drops it and instead points to the pool of ectoplasm. “Is this the Lazarus Pit? And you’re… the Lord of it? How does that work?”
Ra’s al Ghul doesn’t answer, just fixes them with a dark stare. Yeah, that’s fair, it’s pretty obvious what’s happening here. Danny just wishes it wasn’t.
If the name is anything to go by, he’s been using the ectoplasm to do some probably not great things. Things that go against the balance of nature, of life and death. The sense of unease, of wrongness, shivers up his spine again.
“Right.” Okay, now what? “So, uh… how long has this been a thing?”
Danny waves his hand around to encompass the entire space they’re in, because seriously, this couldn’t have happened in the two hours that he and Wulf were practising.
“Why are you here? How did you find this place?”
Yeah, alright, it’s not surprising that the dude has questions. It’s only fair. Hopefully giving him some answers might make him a bit more comfortable giving them answers in return. But what’s Danny meant to tell him?
“Oh, us? We’re… pit inspectors.” Yep, that’s a good lie, right there. Very believable. “We’re here to inspect your pit. You didn’t get the email?”
“What is an email?”
“Uh. Wulf?”
“Yep, should have seen that coming. Don’t worry about it, buddy.” He lays a comforting hand on Wulf’s shoulder and turns back to Ra’s al Ghul. “Look, man, we’ll be out of your hair in no time. Just got to have a quick look at your pit here first and we’ll be gone, lickity-split!”
Who cares why this guy is here, really? They’ll just close the portal, drain the pit, and get gone before any more consequences can catch up with them! Perfect plan!
Danny’s halfway through turning towards the ectoplasm when he hears the sharp ringing of metal—distinctly sounding like a sword being drawn from its sheath—and he stops still in his tracks. The flash of fear that strikes through him is quickly eclipsed by how damn cool that sword is!
“Now, hold on—”
“You will halt, or you will die by my sword.”
“Vi ne vundos mian amikon.”[ 14 ] Wulf begins growling again in earnest and Danny lays a calming hand on his arm, feeling the trembling rage underneath. Not for the first time, Danny’s grateful that Wulf is on his side.
“No one’s going to hurt anyone, we’re just talking. Isn’t that right, Ra’s?”
Whoops, the first name had been a mistake! The man’s eyes narrow just as his hands tighten on his sword. Danny can almost see the gears whirring in his head as his eyes flicker between the two of them, cold and calculating. The sword never wavers.
“You will answer my questions.”
Danny fights the urge to roll his eyes. “Look, Ra’s, let’s—”
“I am the Demon Head, Lord of the Lazarus Pits for a thousand years, and you will not speak my name, child. You will answer my questions.”
Silence follows the… Demon Head’s words. Is that what Danny’s meant to call him now? That’s dumb, he’s not going to do that, Danny’s just going to keep calling him by his first name because messing with him seems fun. He’s not even a real demon! Probably.
But that’s not the thing he should be focusing on right now.
“I’m… sorry?” Danny twists around to look at Wulf, Ra’s, the ectoplasm, back to Wulf, then back to the ectoplasm, and finally landing back on Ra’s. Wulf’s doing the same thing. “Did you just say a thousand years?”
"Mil... jaroj?"[ 15 ] Wulf takes another deep, snorting breath through his snout and smacks his lips to taste the air. “Ĝi ja odoras vere malnovan.”[ 16 ]
“Yeah, it reeks like Dash's old gym socks, but… a thousand years? Really?”
Danny’s only distantly aware that Ra’s is inching towards them as his brain connects the dots. Yeah, time can get a little funky in the Infinite Realms, but there’s no way two hours could equate to a thousand years in the material realm.
“Hey, Wulf?”
“Jes?”
“Can you time travel with your portals? Ĉu vi povas vojaĝi tra la tempo?[ 17 ]"
“Ne, mi nur povas vojaĝi inter la reala mondo kaj la senfinaj regnoj.” [ 18 ]
If Wulf can only go between the two realms, but they’d gotten here using Danny’s portals, then that means…
“Hey, Wulf?”
“Jes?”
“Mi pensas, ke mi povas tempon vojaĝi kun miaj portaloj…” [ 19 ]
“Jes. Mil jaroj, ŝajne.” [ 20 ]
“Wulf…”
“Jes?”
Danny springs up high into the air just as Ra’s al Ghul launches himself towards him. The sword whips cool air at him, but he barely feels the breeze as he laughs.
“Wulf, I can time travel!”
Barks of laughter chase him up to the ceiling as he twists and twirls in the air, buoyed with all the possibilities. They’re going to have so much fun with this! Think of all the things they could do, they could see!
They could go and see what the dinosaurs looked like, they could watch the pyramids being built, they could—oh. Oh, man.
“Wulf!” He grabs a hold of a huge hand and pulls him into the air. Ra’s al Ghul watches them with his sword raised and Danny feels kind of bad—if he wasn’t such a jerk perhaps they could all have gone on a fun time travel adventure! “Forget Space Mountain, Wulf, we’re going to watch the moon landing! Let’s go!”
Just before they leave, Danny waves his hand in the direction of the “Lazarus Pits” and wills away the original portal. It pops out of existence without any trouble and without that, the ectoplasm should just evaporate away. Danny allows himself a satisfied smile at a job well done (or, at least, a job fixed) which widens into a feral grin as he opens another portal to get them both out of there.
He’s finally getting the hang of this!
He’s not getting the hang of this.
They stumble out of Wulf’s portal coughing, covered in bruises, and vaguely smouldering.
“I’m going to be sick. We’re never doing that again, Wulf, that was terrifying.” Once again, Danny just hadn’t quite gotten it right and they both ended up paying for it. There seems to be a pattern emerging here. “Pretty sure that was Pompeii. Why was there a cult in the volcano?”
“You again!”
It takes a few minutes for Danny to collect himself before he can care about the person yelling at him. Instead, he just waves a hand at them while he hovers above the floor, hands clutching his knees, as he tries to catch his breath. Each lungful of air makes his eyes sting, the air acrid and pungent. Or is it the sulphur from the volcano following them?
When he finally looks up and sees the man directly in front of him, he can’t help but groan. It’s been a long few hours. His bed is calling him; he’s had a few too many close calls today and he just wants to collapse.
So! All he needs to do is plaster a fake smile on his face, wish this guy a cheery goodbye and a ‘hope to never see you again!’ and he can make his merry way back home to fall face first into his pillow.
Might be best to get Wulf to portal them there, though.
“Hey, Ra’s, how’re you doing, buddy? Nice to see you with some clothes on!” Danny winks before swinging around to take in the rest of the cave—honestly, he’s a little shocked to find themselves back here again, and with Ra’s, too, he’d have thought he’d have left now that the pool of ectoplasm he lorded over is—
It’s not gone.
What the fuck?
His heart sinks as his eyes are drawn to the unearthly green glow, bubbling and churning in the same pit as before. Yeesh, it was never that volatile before, was it? It looks like it’s boiling. And that’s what he’s been smelling, too, old and stagnant and foetid. Sickly sweet like hot garbage on a summer's day. Rancid and belching like rotten eggs.
Uh-oh.
“Sorry, Ra’s, turns out we have to finish inspecting the pits, you know what corporate’s like—holy shit, is that Batman?”
Holy shit, it’s Batman! There he is, all dressed up in black with the cape and the cowl and the eyeliner, too, he’s so cool! What the hell is he doing here? Red Robin’s standing a few feet behind him with—is that the newest Robin? Holy shit! Seriously, why are they—oh.
Oh no.
Are they here for the pit?
“Batman, look, I can explain! We didn’t mean to do it, it was an accident! We—no, it was me, I did it, it’s not Wulf’s fault, he was just trying to teach me and it all went wrong and we were trying to fix it but then I got sidetracked because it turns out I can time travel and I wanted to see Apollo 11, but we—I—got it wrong again and then suddenly we were in Pompeii and there was so much lava, or is it magma? I always forget the difference—oh Ancients—”
Shit, stop it, calm down, take a breath! This isn’t helping, there’s no way Batman’s following any of this!
“Wait, whatever, just please don’t put me in jail, Batman! I didn’t mean to do it, I’ll fix it!” Danny twirls high in the air, pulling at his hair as he pleads.
Batman raises his hands in a non-threatening gesture and Danny forces himself to take a deep breath. None of the others have moved and from what he can see of their faces (not much), they seem more confused than anything else.
Perhaps they’re not here to put him in prison?
“Ne zorgu, mia amiko.”[ 21 ] Wulf reaches a hand up to snag at Danny’s ankle, pulling him back to the ground and behind him, keeping himself between Danny and the… bat people. And Ra’s. “Mi rompos vin el malliberejo.”[ 22 ]
“Thanks, Wulf, that’s really sweet.” Danny takes another deep breath, his core starting to settle. “I’ll break you out of jail, too, the next time you get caught by Walker.”
“Sorry, what the hell?” Red Robin gapes at them both, out of breath from…
Wait, were they fighting just now? Yeah, Ra’s has his sword out (again), and Danny feels a little sick at the amount of blood dripping from it, and the new Robin (or, just Robin, really, Danny supposes) has his sword out, too. There are unconscious (not dead, thankfully, Danny can tell) bodies all around them (wait, holy shit are they ninjas?) which, while he absolutely shouldn’t feel this way, makes Danny breathe a sigh of relief because it means they’re not actually here for him and Wulf. Probably.
Batman stands in the middle of them all, turned slightly to keep everyone in his line of sight.
“Is that a werewolf?” Red Robin asks, shock plain in his voice.
“Uh, woah? That’s incredibly offensive. You can’t just ask someone if they’re a werewolf!” As far as Danny knows, it’s not offensive—hell, Tucker’s asked the same question multiple times and it only ever gets a laugh from Wulf—but it’ll work to catch them off-guard. Maybe garner some sympathy. Danny pushes himself up into the air and glares at everyone as he floats gently back down to settle on Wulf’s shoulders and leans down to whisper into his ears. “Atendu, ĉu ĝi estas ofenda? Li demandis, ĉu vi estas homlupo?”[ 23 ]
The problem with Wulf’s barking, yipping laughter is that it doesn’t necessarily dispute the fact that he’s a werewolf. "Ne, mi estas Wulf!"[ 24 ]
“Yeah, he’s Wulf! Not a werewolf, a wolf-man!”
“What’s the difference?”
“He doesn’t transform, that’s just how he is.” Danny scoffs in offence at the sheer ignorance of these people. You can’t just ask people the difference like that! “Why are you a human, why aren’t you a wolf-man—yeah, you see how that sounds? Jeez.”
“Uh,” Red Robin looks around at the others before slightly shrugging his shoulders and facing Wulf. He has an arm curled around his stomach, and oh shit, is that his blood? “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cause offence.”
“No offence. I am Wulf.” Wulf gives the team a wave with his massive clawed hand, and then wraps said hand snugly around Danny’s calf.
“Nice to, uh, meet you, Wulf.” Red Robin waves back, apparently now the spokesperson for the whole team. “My name is Red Robin, this is Robin, and that’s Batman. And you are?”
“Name’s Phantom, and I do transform! But that’s neither here nor there, the important part is that none of this is our fault.” Danny grimaces and flops down over Wulf’s head, his fur tickling his nose. “Well, that’s not true, none of this is Wulf’s fault. It’s entirely my fault. My bad.”
“You’re a werewolf?” This time it’s Robin, his voice as short and gruff as he is.
“Did I not just say that’s offensive? Come on, guys, get it together.”
Robin glares up at him and raises his sword. “Fine. What are you?”
“I mean, I did just say.” Danny phases out of Wulf’s grip and floats down to land on the floor in front of him. When they’re eye to eye, he realises that perhaps it wasn’t the best thing to do—he’s a lot less impressive now that he’s the same height as Robin. And no, before you ask, lifting his feet off the floor to give him a few extra inches (only enough so that Robin has to look up to meet his eyes again) isn’t cheating at all! “I’m Phantom! You know, a ghost.”
“Your name is Phantom and you’re also a phantom?”
“Yeah, and he’s a wolf-man and his name is Wulf—ghosts love self-describing names. Is your name Robin because you’re stealing my will to live?”
“I’m not a ghost, my name is not self-describing.”
“I can change that for you, if you like.”
“I doubt you could even touch me.” Robin levels his sword and Danny’s answering grin is feral.
“Bet.”
Just as he’s about to let loose and show Robin just how easily he could get past him, a disapproving grunt comes from his right and suddenly the full force of Batman is turned on Danny, who can’t help but gulp, all thoughts of bets forgotten.
Immediately, he wishes he hadn’t come down from Wulf’s shoulders—yes, Batman looks all dark and brooding and scary when he’s just standing there, but that’s nothing compared to when he’s actually talking to you!
“Why are you here?” Batman’s voice is dark and gravelly and Danny kind of wishes he had his phone to record this.
He floats a little higher in the air and resists the urge to hide behind Wulf again. Come on, Danny, you can do this. What’s going to make them believe him?
“We already said we’re here to inspect the pit!” Yes, that is the cover story that they’re sticking to. At this point, he doesn’t think anyone is buying it, but he’s in too deep and coming completely clean to Batman isn’t particularly appealing. Yes, Wulf can just portal him out of jail, but he doesn’t want to be on the JL’s shitlist for the rest of his life! “Isn’t that right, Ra’s? Get the email this time?”
“Email?” Ra’s literally starts shaking in rage and it looks like he’s about to snap before he draws in a breath and squares his shoulders. Things are going really well! “You insignificant, snivelling child. You did not have the strength to take the Lazarus Pit away from me a thousand years ago, and you will not have it now.”
“Yeesh, how many times have you been in there, Ra’s? A thousand years ago? It’s been like half an hour at best—ah, fuck.” Danny hangs his head in his hands with a heartfelt groan. “Did we time travel again?”
“Jes, al la timiga vulkana loko.” [ 25 ]
“No—well, yeah—but after the scary volcano. Did we time travel here with your portal? Ĉu ni tempo vojaĝis kun via portalo?[ 26 ]"
“Mi diris al vi, ke mi ne povas tempon vojaĝi.” [ 27 ]
“Yeah, no, I know that you can’t time travel—but hear me out. What if we were in the past the last time we were here and then your portal brought us back to the future? Oh man, have you seen that? It’s a great film, we should watch that when we get back home. You up for a movie night?”
“Ĉu ni povas akiri pufmaizon?”[ 28 ] Wulf’s eyes brighten and his tail starts wagging. It’s very endearing and it makes Danny’s core ache with the wish that he could spend more time with Wulf. He really is a great friend. “Mi amas pufmaizon!”[ 29 ]
“Heck yeah, we can get popcorn! We’ll go to Sam’s and use her movie room, it’ll be so cool—”
“Enough!” Ra’s shouts, brandishing his sword towards Danny. Whoops, the promise of popcorn and a fun night in (after the exhausting day they’ve had) almost made him forget where they were. “I have had enough of your inane ramblings!”
“Jeez, Ra’s, you’re acting like a real… wait, who’s the bad guy in Back to the Future again?”
“Biff,” Red Robin helpfully supplies from the sidelines, trying and failing to hide a grin.
“Thanks! You’re acting like a real Biff, Ra’s. Why don’t you chill out for a second and—”
Instead of taking his friendly suggestion, Ra’s whips his sword through the air straight at Danny’s chest.
Batman shouts and flings a batarang at the man’s hand, which is very nice of him, but Danny has this handled. The batarang clatters harmlessly off the ice that Danny blasts at Ra’s, freezing everything but his head. He’s not a monster, he’ll let him breathe.
That, and he wants Ra’s to hear it when they figure out the findings of their pit investigation. Spoiler alert, it’s going to end with them fixing it once and for all. (Hopefully.) Danny can’t wait to see his face!
Leaving his mouth free was a mistake, though, as Ra’s screams colourful insults that echo incoherently through the chamber. Danny just rolls his eyes and shoots another beam of ice over his mouth to keep him quiet.
“Sorry, Ra’s, but I did say you should chill.”
Everyone groans at that (Batman’s scowl becomes even more severe, which is saying something) and honestly, it’s a little unfair. This is the first time they’re hearing that pun! It should be hilarious!
Whatever, back to the matter at hand.
He drifts through the gap between them all to approach the ectoplasm, ignoring the way everyone’s eyes follow him. He has to pinch his nose and breathe through his mouth just to get through it. Wulf stays where he is with a whine and a swish of his tail. That’s fair, it must be so much worse with his nose.
“I’m going to be sick, this is disgusting.” His voice sounds funny, he really can’t be making a good impression with Batman—but, let’s be real, throwing up everywhere would be way worse. Tentatively, he reaches out with his foot to dip a toe in, just to see how volatile it really is.
“Stop! Don’t touch it, it’s not safe!” Red Robin shouts, throwing his arm towards Danny but not actually making a move to pull him back.
Batman and the other Robin all tense up—Batman even takes a few steps towards him like he’s going to pull him out. It’s a lovely gesture, really. Things are still a bit on edge with the vigilantes, but it’s a sign that they’re warming up to him! Maybe. They did try and stop him from stepping into the stinky water, after all.
“Yes, do not touch. Is gross.” Wulf supplies from across the room, voice muffled by his hands pawing over his nose, and Danny has to agree. It really is gross.
“Yeah, I’d probably stink for days.” He withdraws his foot and looks over towards Ra’s al Ghul, only now realising the impact this shit would have on someone—on a human, no less. “Man, Ra’s, this stuff is in you. No wonder you’re so grumpy.”
It gets a startled laugh out of Red Robin, so Danny’s counting that as a win. He turns back towards the pool and crouches, getting as close to it as he dares without 1) falling in and stinking worse than a skunk and 2) Batman forcibly reaching the end of his patience and yanking him back like he so clearly wants to do.
“Robin, do you smell anything? It doesn’t smell that bad here, does it?” Red Robin asks in a hushed whisper, although the acoustics in here are amazing and his voice carries to everyone.
“All I can smell is you, Red Robin. When was the last time you took a shower?” Robin’s not quiet with his comeback. Danny’s not quiet with his laugh.
“Boys,” Batman warns, a rumbling grunt in the dim light.
“Don’t know why you think it’s me that smells,” Red Robin sniffs, completely ignoring Batman, “when you’re the one that’s been in there before.”
Before he can retort, Danny leaps up in the air with a gasp and swoops towards Robin to get a closer look, tittering around him to try and assess the damage. Accidentally infecting one of Batman’s Robins with corrupted ectoplasm probably isn’t going to be great—he has to find out how bad this really is and what he can do to fix it.
Holding his chin in his hand, he hums, twisting and turning in the air to observe Robin from all angles. It really doesn’t help that Robin won’t stop trying to get away from him, dodging and dancing while Danny’s just trying to see what this rotten ectoplasm has done!
“Hey, come on, stop moving!”
“Leave me alone, imbecile!” Robin hisses, now resorting to brandishing his sword again. Which, like, sure, what’s he planning to do with that, kill him? Danny would like to see him try.
He twirls upside down, getting as close to Robin as he dares for a big sniff. Hopefully no one sees him gag a little, but it’s more because of the pit than Robin. It’s kind of hard to separate any of the smells down here, it’s all so strong.
“Wulf? What do you think? Ĉu vi povas flari ĝin en Li?[ 30 ]"
Wulf has his shirt pulled up over his nose, hands wrapped tight around it. Danny can’t imagine it actually helps. He whines pitifully when Danny asks him to smell Robin.
“Mi ne volas flari ĝin plu, mia amiko.” [ 31 ]
“Sorry, buddy, we’ll get out of here soon. Preskaŭ finita, mi promesas.[ 32 ]” Danny probably shouldn’t promise that (he has no idea what ‘finished’ even constitutes here), but he can’t resist it. Poor Wulf.
Turning back to Robin, who’s now glaring up at him after retreating a healthy distance, he sighs. “I’m not really sure what effects the ectoplasm would have on you when it’s like this—if it was pure, fresh ectoplasm, you’d be dead—so, like, maybe it’s a good thing that it’s so rancid.”
He shrugs and squints at Robin again. Maybe if he touches him he could get a sense of how much it has messed with his system?
But before he can get any further than reaching a hand out to the rapidly backtracking Robin, Batman calls to him, his voice reverberating through the cave.
“You know what this is?”
“Yeah, it’s ectoplasm. It’s old, though.” And before he can stop himself, Danny finishes with, “Old as balls.”
Red Robin’s the only one that laughs. Danny shoots him a grin. He’s really beginning to like the guy! It’s nice to have someone laugh at his jokes.
“What’s ectoplasm?”
“Uh,” he draws out the sound, uncertain of how to answer. What a question! Part of him wishes he’d listened more to his parents’ ramblings, but how was he supposed to know he’d have to tell Batman one day? “Wulf? Any ideas? Kio estas ektoplasmo?[ 32 ]"
"Tio."[ 34 ] Wulf points to the pit in front of them, one hand still clinging onto his shirt.
“Yep. It’s that, it’s what’s in the pool. Thanks, Wulf.”
Wulf throws him a thumbs up and his tail gives a quick pump before falling still. They really need to get out of here, if just to breathe some fresh air—it’s just not right seeing Wulf like this.
Danny sighs and turns back to Batman. Time to get his brain in gear! Let’s impress him!
“It’s, uh, energy, I think—sort of like the lifeblood of the dimension I come from. Ghosts are made of the stuff and humans, typically, only have like trace amounts.” Danny narrows his eyes and glances at Ra’s. “Unless you’ve been taking baths in it for thousands of years, like some kind of idiot.”
Ra’s glares right back at him and Danny is sorely tempted to melt the ice around his mouth just to see if he has an excuse, but there’s already a tension headache growing behind his eyes and Danny doesn’t need to make it worse.
“Generally, a human’s system will overload with any amount of ectoplasm greater than what it’s used to, but…” Looking between Robin and Ra’s, Danny’s not really sure what to make of them.
Thinking back to the few conclusions his parents had come to about ectoplasm and its relationship with the human body that weren’t entirely wrong—and his own conclusions after the experiments he and Jazz had done to catalogue her own ectoplasmic contamination—there’s just really not enough data to fully understand what’s gone on here.
“I know that exposure to trace levels of the pure stuff in the air or food can... change a human. But taking a dunk in there is way more than that. Neither of you have cores. Neither of you feel like ghosts to me, neither of you are dead—even if you’re way overdue, Ra’s.” Danny sighs and floats over to the ectoplasm, wondering what he should be doing. “Perhaps it’s because it’s so gunky that you survived it, I don’t know—not until we have a proper look at it, at least.”
“So… you really are here to inspect it?” Red Robin asks, moving closer towards the pit as Wulf frantically nods the affirmative. Danny kind of wishes he’d stay away, like he told Danny to. It’s obviously not safe, dude, what are you doing?
“Inspect it, destroy it, same thing, right?”
There’s a muffled, choking sound coming from his right and Danny gets to watch Ra’s absolutely lose it while not being able to move at all. Considering the amount of toxic ectoplasm in him, it’s surprising how red he’s getting. Danny would have put some serious ghost stacks on him turning green.
“Do you know why there’s a pool of ectoplasm here in the first place?” Batman’s deep, rumbling (vaguely disapproving) voice neatly distracts him from his current objective: making the stupidest faces he can at Ra’s al Ghul, Demon Face and Lazarus Lord, or whatever his name is.
Danny rubs the back of his neck as he turns to face Batman. This guy is a founder of the Justice League, and here he is, acting like a little kid! To be fair, though, if anyone deserves it, Ra’s does.
“Yeah, we, uh… Wulf was trying to teach me how to portal and things got a little out of hand. I opened a portal into a sea of ectoplasm and kinda flooded the place... turns out I was a little wonky with my timings, too, but it’s okay because we can fix it!” It’s hard to know what any of them are thinking with their masks on (sidenote: should Danny get a mask?), but Batman exudes disappointment in such a way that it makes Danny wilt. It reminds him of Jazz and to be frank, he’s not here for it at all. He doesn’t need another Jazz in his life, he already knows he makes bad decisions. “So… unless you have any objections, I’m just going to get rid of it now.”
No one says anything—Ra’s tries, but who knows what he’s trying to say through the ice—Danny likes to imagine he’s giving his blessing: “Yes, of course, please help me pull the plug on the swimming pool that is committing crimes against nature.” So, Danny obliges him and takes a deep breath, really centering himself. He’s going to get this one right, no time jumps or anything.
“Ĉu vi ŝatus, ke mi faru ĝin?”[ 35 ] Wulf slowly makes his way over to them, burying his nose deep into the crook of his elbow. Danny can’t imagine it actually does anything to lessen the stench, but he’s grateful for the assist.
“Nah, I’ll do it, it’ll be okay—it’s just going into the Realms, right? That might, like, purify it, or something. Mi ĝin faros, estas bone.[ 36 ]”
So saying, he sweeps his arm across the space and ushers the ectoplasm straight through the portal until the pit is empty. It takes a while, but it’s easy work and everyone just sort of watches him in silence, even Ra’s is seemingly resigned to the fact that this is happening now. The others send each other looks that Danny pretends not to see.
Simple as that.
Once he’s finished, he swipes away the portal and brushes imaginary dust off his hands. “Done! Doesn’t that feel better?”
Danny feels better, at least. The oppressive atmosphere is gone and he can finally take a deep breath—oh, okay, maybe not.
“Ĝi ankoraŭ odoras malbone ĉi tie,” [ 37 ] Wulf says with a sniff, now free of his shirt.
“Yeah, give it a few hundred years and it’ll probably start smelling alright again. Who cares, I’m not coming back here!” Actually, considering he’s been here a total of three times in as many hours (or as many millennia, depending on who you ask), that might not be true. “Hopefully.”
Everyone stands in awkward silence a little longer. Danny shuffles about on his feet. What the hell is he meant to do now? Can he just go? He really wants to go. It’s been fun meeting Batman and the two Robins and all, but… They had places to be, portals to try and summon properly, you know?
“Alright, well, now that that’s done… Shall we, Wulf? Ĉu ni fine povas iri al Space Mountain?[ 38 ]” Danny starts bouncing on his toes, but his excitement soon lifts him off his feet and he’s floating towards Wulf with his hands clasped under his chin and the biggest puppy dog eyes he can manage. If there’s one thing Wulf can’t resist, it’s his puppy dog eyes.
“Ne. Please, no. You do not portal again. Ne plu portaloj por vi ĝis vi povos regi tempovojaĝadon.[ 39 ]”
Well, turns out Danny was wrong. Wulf very much can resist his puppy dog eyes—it just takes three very fraught portal adventures for it to happen—good to know.
“Aw, man…” Danny wilts with a sigh, letting gravity slowly drag him back to the ground. “Yeah, that’s fair.”
“Ne estu malĝoja, amiko. Ni iros baldaŭ! Soon!” [ 40 ]
“You promise?”
“Promise.”
“Can we haunt It’s a Small World? It would be so much fun, Homoj amus ĝin![ 41 ]”
Batman makes a small, disappointed grunt, scowling at Danny when he whirls around to grin in apology.
“Not that we would actually do that, that would be rude!” He continues to chuckle awkwardly, rubbing at the back of his neck, looking anywhere other than Batman. “We’re not going to do that, are we, Wulf?”
Before Wulf can do anything other than shrug, Red Robin butts in, incredulous. “You were trying to make a portal to Disney World?”
“Yeah, I never got to go when I was alive.” Danny scuffs at the floor with his shoe, looking down and milking this for all it’s worth. Hopefully if they feel sorry for the poor little dead boy, they’ll forget that it’s technically his fault Ra’s and his cult of… ninjas? Were here in the first place.
“All of this happened because you wanted to visit a theme park?” Robin scoffs, crossing his arms and holding his nose in the air. “How childish.”
Or maybe not.
“Just another thing to blame the mouse for, am I right? It’s Disney’s fault, I am completely blameless, and there is no need to put me in jail. I’m glad we all agree!” With a clap of his hands, Danny turns brightly to Wulf and tells him that they can finally get out of here. It sets his tail wagging faster than Danny’s ever seen it before.
You know what, it’s fine that they can’t go to Disney World, because Danny promised Wulf something even better.
“It’s popcorn time! Let’s go, we have a film to watch!”
“Pufmaizo!”[ 42 ] he howls, as excited as Danny is.
Danny rockets up to land back on Wulf’s shoulders, joining him in his howling.
“Phantom, we need to discuss this further. I have questions—”
“I’m going to be real with you, Batman, I probably don’t have answers for you. Just because I’m a ghost doesn’t mean I have all the answers about ghostkind. I mean,” he gestures towards the now empty pit, “you saw the kind of mess I can make! Better ask someone with actual ghostly knowledge, there’s plenty of experts about! I am just not one of them.”
Batman looks like he definitely wants to argue, stepping forward in a move to, what? Grab them? Detain them? Oh shit, are they really going to a JL jail?
“Phantom,” he begins, but they’re distracted by a muffled shout and everyone turns to look at popsicle Ra’s that Danny had definitely not forgotten about and wasn’t just about to leave frozen.
“You cool to handle it if I unfreeze him?” Danny asks, before promptly blushing green. He just asked Batman—genuine hero crime fighting vigilante—Batman, if he could handle a guy! “Not that you couldn’t, I’m sure you could, I mean it looks like you all had it plenty under control before we came back in, but like, are you ready for it?”
Robin scoffs and unsheaths his sword with an (admittedly really cool) flourish. Batman and Red Robin don’t say anything, they just move slightly into more ready positions. He takes that as a yes.
As soon as Danny waves the ice away, Ra's slumps out onto his feet, spitting angry.
"Well, at least now you can look forward to a nice, natural death, Ra's, isn't that something?”
“I will get my revenge, child.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure you will.” Actually… Ah, damnit, with the amount of ectoplasm Ra’s has absorbed into his body over thousands of years of bathing in it, there’s a pretty huge chance that they will meet again and an even bigger chance that it’s going to be on sight with him. Idly, he wonders what Ra’s is going to look like as a ghost.
Give it a few decades (or less, Ra’s doesn’t exactly look like he’s leading a particularly safe life) and he’s sure he’ll have the pleasure of finding out.
Great. That’s just what he needs. "I look forward to kicking the shit out of you if we ever cross paths in the Infinite Realms."
"I'd like to see you try."
Danny just laughs. "That's the spirit!"
Everyone groans at the pun. Just once, Danny would like someone to appreciate the efforts he takes to create a fun and amusing atmosphere in the midst of a fight. Just once!
"Why are you going to beat him up?" Red Robin asks as Batman moves to stand menacingly close to Ra’s. Doesn’t cuff him or anything, which is weird, but then again, it’s not like Ra’s can do anything. All of his ninja buddies are down and there’s plenty of good guys surrounding him.
"If he doesn't cause trouble, he'll be fine." Danny shrugs, and swipes his thumb across his nose. "But I protect the Realms and all its inhabitants. If he kicks off, I'll kick back."
"He is king." Wulf says, ruffling his hair. "King Phantom, protector of all. Friend of Wulf."
"Wulf, I told you not to call me that, it’s embarrassing! Ne antaŭ Batman![ 43 ]" That’s the last thing he wants Batman to know, especially after the colossal mess that today has been! Can you imagine? All hail the mighty High King Phantom, who messes up spectacularly enough that Batman has to come and fix it! "Come on, let's get out of here!"
Batman shouts for them to wait, but honestly? It’s been a long day and Danny deserves a rest. He’s fairly sure one of them tries to throw some sort of tracking device on them, and as much as Danny would love to bring Tucker back a souvenir, it’s probably not a good idea to lead them back home. Danny lets himself turn intangible, passing it on to Wulf, to make sure that nothing sticks to them.
They portal away with a cheerful wave and this time, Danny gets Wulf to take him back to Amity rather than trying to do it himself—he'll have to ask Clockwork about a few time travel lessons before he tries again; they don't want another Ra's on their hands, after all.
All told, it’s a pretty good day! Yeah, things definitely could have gone better, but he can finally make (somewhat functional) portals now, he discovered he can time travel, saw Pompeii up close and personal—yeah, it was no moon landing, but it still fucked severely!—and absolutely helped Batman take down a ninja cult!
Yeah, when he tells Sam and Tucker about it later, he’ll probably leave out the fact that he’s definitely responsible for the rise of said cult, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s not the first time it’s happened.
And finally, after their impromptu Back to the Future movie marathon and an ungodly amount of popcorn, Danny collapses into bed with a sigh and a smile, exhausted beyond belief.
Batman!
He met the Batman!
When he gets home from school the next day, the sky is already beginning to darken. The weather’s turned and there’s a chill in the air, heralding winter and its dreaded holidays. Great.
Perhaps Danny can use his new time travel ability to skip Christmas altogether this year?
He shucks his bag in his room and makes his way groggily towards the kitchen, wondering what he’s going to be able to cobble together for dinner. Mom and Dad are clanking around in the lab and Jazz is tutoring whoever right now, so it’s just him tonight, which is fine. It means he can cheat and ectoblast whatever contaminated food tries to pick a fight with him this time.
There’s a knock at the door just as Danny finishes splattering the snarling leftover cheeseburger and fries all over the kitchen. There’s gunk everywhere, congealed cheese and flimsy hamburger patty chunks plastering the walls and ceiling. And him.
Turns out that ectoblasts might be a little severe for food fights. It was him or the burger, what other choice did he have!
“Sweetie, can you get that?” Mom calls from the bottom of the stairs.
“Sure, Mom!” he replies, already halfway there.
He opens the door with a smile, half expecting it to be either Sam or Tuck, because no one else in their right minds would ever knock on the Fenton door, and manages a quick, “Hey!” before promptly slamming it back closed again with a scream.
A very high pitched, very undignified scream.
A scream that, judging by the crashing downstairs, his parents definitely heard.
Oh, shit.
Oh, Ancient-loving holy shit.
He takes a deep breath, and then another one, and then he goes for a third because holy crap he’s never going to feel relaxed ever again, before reopening the door with a sheepish smile. He brings a hand up to rub at the back of his neck.
“Sorry, you, uh, made me jump.” Danny says, only stuttering a little, which is very impressive considering that his internal monologue is literally just, “What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck,” on repeat forever.
“No worries,” Red Robin says, his smile verging on a grin. He’s standing in front of Batman, who’s only expression is a brooding, unreadable frown. Who even knows what that’s meant to mean? Oh, no, do they know who Danny is? Are they here to arrest him? Is Wulf going to have to make good on his promise to break him out of jail so soon?
“We heard the Fentons are the leading experts in all things ghosts, is that right? Are they in?”
Danny can’t even open his mouth to reply before his parents answer the question for him, bursting out of the lab with the Fenton Bazooka, at least five ecto-blasters, both wrist rays, and the Anti-Creep Stick, all trained towards the door. Some would say it’s overkill. Jack Fenton would say that overkill is the only way to fully end a ghost.
Danny says it’s just embarrassing.
Well, shit.
“Get down!” Danny yells, immediately tackling Red Robin who folds with an “Oof!” to the floor, knocking Batman back and out of the way of the sizzling ecto-bolts that light up the air. “Mom, Dad, stop! They’re not ghosts! They’re just furries!”
It takes a solid minute for the shots to peter out as his parents listen to him and begin to take stock of the situation. Shoot first, see if they’re ghosts later, that’s the Fenton motto!
Danny groans and lifts his head when the madness has died down, still half laying over Red Robin. He makes eye contact with Batman, who definitely has way more of a scowl after all that, and drops his head back down onto Red Robin’s chest with a drawn out, heartfelt, “Fuck.”
How is this his life?
“Language.” Batman grunts, his lips pressed tight as if he’s fighting down a smirk.
Danny just groans louder.
"Close it, close it!". [1]
“You need to relax!”[2]
“Calm down! Calm!"[3]
“Do you want me to open the portal?"[4]
“I can do it."[5]
"I'll be in so much trouble!"[6]
“Bless you,"[7]
“What does it smell like?"[8]
“How is there ectoplasm here?"[9]
“You opened a portal and it all came out,"[10]
“Language,"[11]
“He is a demon?"[12]
“What is 'email'?"[13]
“You will not hurt my friend."[14]
“A thousand... years?"[15]
“It does smell really old."[16]
“Can you travel through time?"[17]
“No, I can only travel between the real world and the infinite realms.”[18]
“I think I can time travel with my portals…”[19]
“Yes. A thousand years, apparently."[20]
“Don't worry, my friend."[21]
"I'll break you out of jail."[22]
“Wait, is it offensive? He asked if you are a werewolf."[23]
“No, I am Wulf!"[24]
“Yes, to the scary volcano place."[25]
“Have we time travelled with your portal?"[26]
“I told you I can't time travel."[27]
“Can we get some popcorn?” [28]
“I love popcorn!”[29]
"Can you smell it in him?"[30]
“I don't want to smell it anymore, my friend."[31]
“Almost done, I promise."[32]
“What is ectoplasm?"[33]
“That."[34]
“Would you like me to do it?"[35]
“I'll do it, it's fine."[36]
“It still smells bad in here,"[37]
“Can we finally go to Space Mountain?"[38]
“No more portals for you until you can master time travel!"[39]
“Don't be sad, friend. We will go soon. Soon!"[40]
people would love it!"[41]
"Popcorn!"[42]
"Not in front of Batman!"[43]
"Fuck."[44]