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No… no… no…
No… no… no!
The dread sinks in. The pleated plaid skirt sits comfortably on his hips; it looks cute, he was beaming a moment ago, but now that feeling is destroyed.
The top button isn’t closing…
This can’t be; Killua walks further away from the mirror, the heel of his foot hitting the edge of his bed.
No! The crop top was a bad choice! What if Gon notices? He has to start over! He can’t go out like this! What’s wrong with him!?
‘Kil, you’re putting on weight.’
No…!
‘Kil, you won’t be desirable to anyone.’
Gon won’t like him anymore…?
He pats his stomach; it’s flat, it’s flat, so why…? Why? He pinches at the edges of his skin. Is there some? There isn’t…? Is there?
Forget this!
He has to change!
🧸♡🍪
Was it obvious? He keeps looking down toward his stomach, pressing his hand over it.
Illumi always said it was apparent.
‘You snuck in a treat, didn’t you, Kil?’
Sometimes he wouldn’t even hurt him, just stare at him with those eyes and-
He smooths out the red overall dress, trying to eliminate any bunches in the fabric. It’s fine. It’s okay. He pulls down the edges of his sleeves, grasping at the pink fabric.
“Killua!”
Gon…
Killua adjusts the headband on his head, nervously tapping his feet together.
Gon wouldn’t like him anymore… Gon always said he loved how tiny Killua is… now he isn’t tiny anymore-! His breath hitches, and he forces a smile when Gon runs over.
“H-hi…”
“Hey, princess.”
Gon sweeps him off his feet, and Killua tries to take comfort in it; he loves it when Gon treats him like a princess… but the nagging feeling in his gut won’t go away…
Gon places him down gently, pulling out a bouquet of roses, grinning so softly.
Killua’s face flushes, the tips of his ears red; as he sniffs them gingerly, they smell nice… Gon’s always so kind to him… Gon always spoils him… Gon… loves him…
Killua loves Gon… but G-Gon probably won’t love him anymore…
He doesn’t want that!
Tears prick his eyes that he wipes away, biting back a sob.
Gon’s eyebrows furrow, and he gently leans down, placing a hand on Killua’s shoulder.
“Hey, are you okay, Lily?”
Killua nods slowly; he hates seeing that pained look in Gon’s eyes.
“Y-yeah…”
Gon smiles softly, although the crease in his forehead remains from the deep concern and pinching of his eyebrows; he offers Killua his arm, who takes it, leaning close.
“We’re matching today, bun, did you notice?”
He doesn’t want to pester Killua by asking what’s wrong, instead trying to make his beloved happy in other ways.
Killua looks up, holding the roses close to his chest; oh… Gon’s right… he’s wearing a red jacket, almost the same dark shade of red; burgundy.
Killua forces a small smile. He has to try and be happy! Because! Because! At any point, Gon- Gon is just gonna- look at him in disgust…
Killua feels sick at the thought, gripping Gon’s arm tighter.
🧸♡🍪
He loves this little café… it’s so calming, usually. But it doesn’t feel right today, he sits at the booth, hugging his arms close to himself, and Gon takes a seat next to him, his piercing gaze making Killua look away.
“Bun-Bun, are you okay?”
Killua nods mutely, giving a forced, polite smile when Retz comes over. When Gon didn’t come in with him, she always struck up a conversation, talking about his outfit or just being friendly.
“I brought you your usual, Lu! Hot out of the oven!”
Killua swallows a lump in his throat, staring at the cinnamon roll, the perfect glaze dripping off it, steam still puffing into the air.
“T-thanks, Retz.”
He gingerly takes the plate, leaving it in front of him. Normally, they made his day, especially when he just wanted to cry. He didn’t deserve this… or Retz… or Gon!
He looks out the window biting back burning tears.
“Would you two lovebirds like anything else?”
He can feel Gon’s stare on him again…
“I’d like a black coffee, and umm, oh! How about one of those new apple things you guys have?”
Gon’s voice sounds chipper, and Killua wishes he could feel that way; earlier this week, he couldn’t wait for the new pastry, but now…
“And you, Lu?”
Killua looks over, shifting in his seat, grabbing a menu, and pretending he’s looking; just pretend... just pretend...
“N-no, thank you, I’m okay.”
He places it down, ignoring how both Gon and Retz stare at him.
“Bunny?”
Gon’s voice is laced with concern, and it pierces right through Killua’s heart.
“You know I’ll treat you, right?”
Of course, Killua knows that. Gon always pays for everything. He spoils him, and- and-! It makes his chest feel so light and happy, but…
“He’ll take a coffee, too, lots of sugar and cream.”
Killua gasps and grabs Gon’s sleeve, his bottom lip jutting out in a pout.
Retz smiles, satisfied.
“Alright, I’ll have those ready for you in a moment!”
No…! No…
Don’t go! He knows the moment she steps away…
“Ki, baby, what is going on? Do you feel okay?”
Gon is gonna ask…
Killua can’t look up into those warm honey eyes; he just can’t! He stares at his lap instead, messing with the ends of his dress. He nods, grabbing a plastic fork and playing with it.
Gon gently grabs his wrist, and Killua can’t breathe; his big blue eyes dart up, panic filling them as Gon looks at him with such love and concern.
“What’s going on? You love sweet things. Normally you would already be devouring that cinnamon roll by now.”
Gon’s not wrong, he wouldn’t even wait for Retz to leave to be digging in, and Gon would call him cute and gently wipe away frosting near his lips with those big dumb hands of his.
Killua’s stomach rumbles, and he ignores it.
Ignore it. Ignore it.
It didn’t matter if he passed out!
Illumi always said…
No one would love him otherwise…
“Bunny? Ki? Hey…”
Killua looks up, tears pricking his eyes, and he falls into Gon’s arms, nuzzling against his chest, sobbing.
“Baby? What’s wrong?”
Gon wraps his arms around his waist, and Killua feels so warm and safe. Gon is the embodiment of this café. He feels safe a-and loved…
He doesn’t want to lose this!
He’ll never eat sweets again! If it means…
“Shh… shh… you’re okay; I got you.”
You won’t for long, though, stupid Gon!
“What’s wrong, Mi Amor?”
Killua peeks his head out, sniffing, trying to burn Gon’s touch in his mind because soon Gon will never hug him again, never scoop him up in his arms, never love him, never carry him, never treat him like a princess…
“I-I! I couldn’t fit into my skirt this morning! I’ve put on weight!”
Gon stares at him, shell-shocked.
“Killua, baby, what?”
“I-I-I! I won’t eat sweets anymore! Just don’t leave me! P-please…”
Please… his chest aches so much, it hurts, and when he sobs, it only runs deeper to the bone and makes it crush his heart; he can’t breathe, gasping.
He can’t!
Gon picks him up, placing him in his lap, and Killua wraps his arms around Gon’s neck clinging to him.
“Shh… baby, it’s okay, listen to me, baby. Look at me.”
Killua chokes on a heart-wrenching wail, and Gon wipes away his tears with the pad of his thumb, oh so kindly, smiling.
Gon gently flicks Killua’s forehead, pulling him close and burying his nose in Killua's hair.
“Ki, don’t be silly. I would never leave you, bunny, especially not for something as dumb as that.”
Killua tries not to melt in Gon’s arms, but he can’t help it.
“B-but…”
Gon pulls away, putting his hands on Killua’s shoulders and moving him back, looking down at him fondly.
“B-but!”
Gon shakes his head, tucking a strand of hair behind Killua’s ear.
“My little Killua loves sweets; it’s something I love about him. His face lights up, and he looks so cute! Why would I ever want to change that about you, Ki? I want you to be happy and warm and full in the tummy.”
Eh…? B-But…
But…
Killua’s face and chest feel so warm, and his stomach is full of butterflies, and it’s so hot; he covers his ears, shaking his head, sniffing.
Gon’s words melt away his worries.
“Do you wanna share the new dessert with me?”
Gon gently asks, cupping Killua’s cheek, and Killua looks away shyly.
He nods, and Gon chuckles, knowing by sharing, Killua would eat the whole thing, but he doesn’t care; it’s adorable.
“Besides, Ki, I like the weight; it’s cute, and it goes right here…”
He pinches Killua’s upper thighs, and Killua’s face goes bright red.
Killua smacks him.
“S-stupid, Gon! Retzzzz, Gon’s being a jerk!”
Killua climbs over him, specifically digging his knee into Gon’s crotch as he does, and Gon winces, laughing.
Killua hides behind her, and Gon can’t help but smile.
He’s just glad his beloved is happy again.