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King of Nothing

Summary:

With that buffoon Trombone out of the picture, it was just a matter of time before Klaymen came to Klogg.

Notes:

Fanfic spoils one major event, so I suggest completing the game first.

Work Text:

Klogg put down his binoculars. The never-changing sky was black. Same as always. There was a vast space, an endless nothingness as far as eye could see. Nothing was moving, except for occasional fluttering of a few birds and baaing of sheep who, judging by their IQ, might as well be considered plants. No one worthy of his attention whatsoever. Klogg heaved a deep sigh. He was the king now, even though self-crowned (as if it mattered anyway!), but with no loyal subjects in sight — neither literally nor figuratively.
He already had his fun, renaming everything and defacing monuments, but this could only sate him for so long.
He tried to procure a life seed. He tried countless times and failed every single one of them. It wasn’t his fault, of course.. The damn thing must’ve spent too much energy on transforming him. He just had to wait, that’s all. But waiting was numbingly boring.
There should be something to pass the time. Anything. Something he hadn’t toyed with yet. Some living thing.
His gaze fell onto the air-tube system used for mail. And then it clicked. Overjoyed, Klogg grabbed regal-looking red paper, sat down and started writing his very first letter to his brother Klaymen. It turned out short. «Klaymen, you need to give up. Klogg.»
Klogg couldn’t help but chuckle. It was intimidating enough. That’ll teach him how to mess with The Neverhood’s monarch, a rightful owner of the throne! He pressed the royal seal, and just like that the letter was sent.
He knew Klaymen received it, but that didn’t stop the latter from rummaging around the palace, and that made Klogg a little nervous. Moreover, that... brat had the nerve to ignore his letter and continue like nothing happened. It just couldn’t be excused. Everything did happen. Maybe, just maybe he wasn’t intimidating enough.
So the second letter followed. It read: «Klaymen, Ding Dong The Willie’s Dead! Klogg.»
Maybe he didn’t realize it just yet. Maybe it hasn’t sunk in. Of course, he’d need some time. Klogg had that and then some. He had all the time in the world.
But nothing changed in Klaymen’s behavior: he was the same stoic person, the same... kid, who was born on that distant part of the planet and since then learning everything on his own. He was figuring out puzzles and connecting the dots with no trace of tiredness, always busy, always on the move. Such a character could be a valuable resource, right? Or maybe he could be tricked to think that way, after all, Klaymen was undeniably charmingly naive. He knew so little about this world and its laws.
That’s when the third letter was written. «Klay, Hoborg says that he wants you to wear his crown. Klogg.»
«You would want that, wouldn’t you?» he asked the former king mockingly. Of course, Hoborg couldn’t answer, since he was forever frozen on his throne since that memorable day, but for a second Klogg felt like he was seeing things, and the ex-ruler of The Neverhood was about to wake from his slumber to put him in his place. That didn’t happen, thankfully. That couldn’t happen.
But either Klaymen wasn’t so gullible after all, or Klogg wasn’t persuasive enough. Maybe, just maybe — Klogg clung to that thought — it would be better to have him as an ally, rather than an enemy. With that buffoon Trombone out of the picture, it was just a matter of time before Klaymen came to Klogg. Nobody was there to distort the truth anymore. Surely Klaymen would come to his senses.
«Brother, Let us rule this world side by side! Klogg,» read the next letter. A tempting offer. How could one resist it?
But somehow Klaymen still stayed silent. All this time there were absolutely no hints of an answer.
«Why can’t he just answer me?» Klogg thought, bemused. «So stubborn!» It suddenly hurt more than it should’ve. A blow to his pride, it was, and nothing more than that. It was just his patience wearing thin.
Klaymen couldn’t be serious about that stupid resistance of his. It had been over before it started. Everything he did was in vain. He was destined to either join Klogg or fall, and there were no other options. There were only two of them on this wretched planet! Temporarily, of course. There would be more when the time came, but for now...Now Klaymen was making a huge mistake.
Klogg held that thought and sent the next letter. «Klaymen, You must be mistaken. Klogg.»
Receiving nothing, he quickly wrote the next.
«Klaymen, Why did you turn my Bil against me? Klogg.» It turned out sounding more hurt than he intended, and in the end he ultimately grew to regret the way he phrased it. With a hint of pleading. As if he wasn’t powerful enough to stop him. That could’ve made a totally wrong impression, and he hurried with another letter.
«Klay, We are from the same mold. Klogg». That should convince him, if anything. It must. They were brothers, and they were more alike than Klogg was comfortable admitting. They both pursued their goals with determination one could envy. With an ally like him nothing would stop Klogg. Nothing in the whole universe.
But why on The Neverhood couldn’t he answer? Say something? Anything? That at least could give Klogg a clue about what actions to take. Maybe he was driven by greed. But the letter that read «Klaymen, I have a gift waiting for you at my castle Klogg» remained unanswered as well as all the previous ones.
«Klaymen, I was once naive like you. Klogg,» the next letter followed. It was bitter, but Klogg couldn’t help it. All of them — his father back then and his brother now — denied him something we wanted so much. How dare they! What’s the purpose of existence if you can’t have what you want? The former paid for it a dear price, and the latter...
«Klaymen, I write well, yes?»
He never answered. Of course not. Why would he? But Klogg had all the time in the world...