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Crowley was losing his mind.
All day he had been hearing noises when he shouldn't have been. He thought he could hear humming along to the music that was playing in the living room, he thought he heard an incredibly posh voice outside call Mooley a "foul fiend" , and come tea time he was ready to call the doctor because he could've sworn he could hear someone having sex whilst he and Azshearaphale were sitting down to eat.
If he could still hear it in the morning, maybe he'd get his hearing checked.
Mooley was locked away in the outhouse for the night, already fucked out by rubbing off on Crowley's back and having his ejaculate collected ready to make some new little Mooley's via artificial insemination--though frankly the idea of that was terrifying to Crowley, one Mooley was enough--so that left Azshearaphale to Crowley, all snuggled up and ready for a night of passionate love making.
Crowley was kissing up Azshearaphale's jaw when he heard the humming again. He paid it no mind, determined to get his alone time with his sheep, and began massaging Azshearaphale's flank whilst rutting up against his backside. The humming hitched, continued, followed by a quiet "oh yes, darling, use me."
Crowley froze.
Azshearaphale let out an impatient bleat.
"Right, yeah, sorry. Just thought I heard… nevermind."
Crowley began his ministrations yet again, thrusting up against Azshearaphale's backside, his stomach dragging up flush against Azshearaphale's heavy balls and hard cock. The was a loud moan, similar to the sounds Crowley heard whilst they were eating earlier, followed by a "ooh maybe I'll get to come first tonight."
Crowley's hips faltered, but he pushed it from his mind. It was playing tricks on him, and he would not let it. He was going to enjoy himself tonight, one way or another. He undid his fly, pushing his jeans just low enough for his cock to spring loose. He buried it into the warmth of Azshearaphale's fleecy hole, when he heard a sigh, followed by "ah, one of those nights. No frippery, foppery, or folderol for me."
Crowley frowned. Those weren't even words, especially not ones his mind could come up with. He pushed himself up on his hands and looked down at Azshearaphale, who somehow managed to have a look of polite innocence on his face.
"What?" Crowley raised his eyebrow at him.
"What?" replied the posh voice along with a head tilt from Azshearaphale.
"What?!" Crowley unceremoniously slipped free from Azshearaphale's warmth and scrambled backwards.
"I didn't say to go away," Azshearaphale(?) huffed.
"Azshearaphale?!" asked Crowley.
"Yes?" answered the voice.
" Azshearaphale?! " Crowley asked again, in further disbelief.
"That is my name, yes," the voice--Azshearaphale--said.
"I can hear you!" Crowley more or less squeaked.
"Obviously."
" Obviously, " Crowley said in the mocking tone. "Say banana."
"Why would I say banana?" The voice sounded confused.
"To establish that you're not just the voice in my head. Which- yeah, ok, I just told the voice to say banana. Azshearaphale, if I, for some reason, am actually hearing your inner monologue or thoughts or whatever, bleat like you're annoyed at me."
"Bleating on demand is so undignified," Azshearaphale bleated in exasperation.
"Oh my god, it is you." Crowley slapped his hand over his own mouth.
"Yes, and I believe we were in the middle of something?" Azshearaphale wiggled his fleecy backside at Crowley enticingly.
"Oh, right." The wiggling action had reawoken Crowley's flagging erection back into hardness. "I guess we can work out why I'm able to hear you afterwards."
Crowley lined himself up and pushed back in.
Azshearaphale sighed in contentment.
"What's a foppery?" asked Crowley.
"Pardon?"
"You said, or rather thought, 'no frippery, foppery, or…' something or other 'for me' . What's that mean?"
"Nevermind that, darling. Just tell me I'm dirty and fuck my brains out."
"Right, I'll go ask the Alexa-"
"No, no, stay," Azshearaphale sighed. "I was just lamenting how there was no standing on ceremony tonight, how you, how should I say, got right to the point-"
"Why are you so posh?" Crowley blurted out.
"Excuse me?"
"I just didn't think a sheep would have such a Queen's English accent."
"Whatever accent would I have otherwise?"
Crowley shrugged, still balls deep in Azshearaphale's arse. "I don't know, you're a sheep. Thought maybe it'd be… Welsh, or something."
"I've never even been to Wales," frowned Azshearaphale. "I've heard the people are very friendly though. You've got a lot in common with them, I believe."
"Oh har har, make fun of the sheep shagger, who, I remind you, is shagging you right now ." Crowley gave a cursory thrust with an eyebrow waggle.
"I wish you would," Azshearaphale murmured under his breath.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Crowley narrowed his eyes.
"Oh dear, I really can't control what slips through my inner monologue," Azshearaphale said, sheepish.
Crowley waited patiently for an answer this time.
"It means ," Azshearaphale began with frankly a lot more sass than Crowley thought he should be capable of as a sheep, "that you popped yourself inside me tonight without so much as a by your leave, whilst Mooley out there has been getting wonderful hand jobs on the daily. I think I am more than due the same care and attention that that great big bull gets."
Azshearaphale's bottom lip wibbled .
Crowley smirked as realisation hit him.
"You're jealous," he said, hips picking up pace finally.
Azshearaphale stifled a bleat. "I am merely pointing out the discrepancies between how you pleasure your cow and how you pleasure your sheep."
"You're jealous," Crowley said again with a shit eating grin.
Azshearaphale huffed.
"You think I'm not paying enough attention to you, sexually." Crowley teased.
"Well, I'm not wrong." Azshearaphale pointed out.
"Naaaah," Crowley drawled. "S'about to change though."
Crowley shoved his hand between their bodies and sought out Azshearaphale's fleece covered cock. He massaged and tugged and spread the precome at the tip to a litany of bleats and oh yes's and Crowley!'s.
Crowley had Azshearaphale so distracted with the attentions he was showing his ram cock, the sheep didn't notice where Crowley's other hand was sneaking off to. Without warning, Crowley slipped in a thumb alongside his cock.
Azshearaphale bleated. "Oh, good heavens!"
"Just me," Crowley corrected, slipping in a finger as well.
Azshearaphale continued to bleat away in ecstasy as Crowley added finger after finger, filling Azshearaphale with a girth they only achieved when Mooley was involved. Crowley massaged and gently tugged at Azshearaphale's balls before working his way back his his dripping ram cock.
Crowley could feel his own climax approaching, but held it off as long as he could to ensure Azshearaphale came first. Crowley leaned down, curled his fingers inside Azshearaphale, bumping his own cock with every thrust, and he whispered in his ear.
"You dirty, filthy thing. Come for me."
Azshearaphale let out an almighty bleat, a strangled noise coming from his inner voice, painting both their stomachs with his spend.
Crowley continued his jack hammer thrusting inside Azshearaphale, using the hand inside him as an extra tight channel to thrust through. Azshearaphale was bleating in over stimulation, but didn't say 'stop', so Crowley didn't. He thrust and he thrust, waiting for his climax to take him. Waiting for his peak. Waiting for something.
His phone buzzed.
It was a text message from Shadwell.
"Gone to my dame's for the evening. Mind my fields."
It would do.
Crowley yelled as he came between his own fingers, filling up Azshearaphale, spend dribbling past Azshearaphale's hole and Crowley's wrist, splattering the bedding. Azshearaphale let out another over sensitive bleat, a weak spurt of come shooting from his ram cock, adding to the spend already matting his wool.
Crowley very carefully extracted his hand from within Azshearaphale, and then flopped on top of him, both lovers breathing heavily in post-orgasmic haze.
"Was that more something that you were looking for?" Crowley asked smugly.
Azshearaphale bleated in the affirmative.
"What, cat got your tongue?" Crowley asked again.
Azshearaphale bleated again, no words forthcoming.
Crowley sighed. "I guess that's over then," he said. "Shame, I quite liked your posh voice. It was deep, sexy."
Azshearaphale baad and nuzzled into Crowley's hair.
Crowley frowned. "Did you learn how to astroproject your inner monologue into my head just to tell me I was shit in bed?"
Azshearaphale baad sheepishly.
"Fuck me," Crowley said. "I'll do better."
And he gave Azshearaphale a kiss to the muzzle.