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She’s beneath the water again.
Her legs feel heavy as though she’s trapped under piles of stones. The blankets stick tightly to her. When she tries to kick her legs, she struggles to move them from the sticky grip of the sheets.
Elena gasps awake. The midnight cool air wraps around her and brings her back to her dry reality.
She’s not in the car. She’s not trapped beneath the water. Her room doesn’t sink as the world around her once had. She forces herself to breathe and keep her eyes open. Her room is in sharp resolution. The dresser. The mirror. The teddy bear leans precariously against her window. The curtains ripple like water.
Elena refuses to think of it as water. The delicate fabric dances. It doesn’t look like anything but innocent fabric being manipulated by the invisible hands of the midnight hour.
She pulls her hair away from her damp nape. Her skin’s flushed hot. The sheets are still sticky, trapping her legs beneath firm metal.
She startles at the silhouette standing at the foot of her bed.
"Katherine," she gasps.
Katherine doesn’t make a sound. She looms as a monster that’s crept out from the tightly locked chest of her closet.
Swallowing thickly, Elena clears her throat and struggles to move against the clinging bedsheets. After roughly removing her sheets, she struggles to swim to the headboard. Once she’s there, she tries to calm her heavy panting. It’s useless; Katherine can hear the frightened screaming of her blood rushing through her body as it tries to rise to the surface of her skin.
"I have nightmares, too," Katherine says.
"You do?" Elena hates how surprised she sounds. Despite how soaked her sheets are, she tugs them to her chest and pulls her knees toward her. Despite trying to be smaller, she still feels like a giant.
Katherine sighs heavily through her nose before she reluctantly nods. She tentatively moves toward her bedside, clearly uncertain in her steps. Elena stares at her, but she doesn’t scrutinise her.
When Katherine sits gingerly on the edge of her bed, Elena can’t help but lean toward her.
"What do you dream about?" Elena asks, furrowing her brows curiously.
No matter the situation, she always takes her opportunity to pry at the tightly locked closet of Katherine Pierce. Her secrets are tempting—and she knows that even when she gives her a morsel of one, it’s always worth it. This is her history sitting beside her. Katherine Pierce may be her unshakeable mirror, but it’s comforting to know there are cracks in her glass even if she can’t see them.
Katherine keeps her gaze downcast and purposefully appears interested in plucking the bedsheets. Does she regret her confession? Elena studies her and doesn’t see herself sitting on the edge of the bed. She sees someone else, someone who’s her own woman. She doesn’t think Katherine feels any regret. Katherine pinches he fabric as if it’s a marionette string before she smooths it like a little girl’s soft hair. The movement of her hand is oddly practised.
"My life," Katherine says. It’s too much of a vague answer. Katherine possesses so much life, five centuries’ worth of memories, dreams and nightmares. Elena only has a small handful in comparison.
She wants to pry. Elena presses her lips together as she subconsciously leans toward her. Perhaps her mere presence will unlock those secrets if she remains quiet.
It seems to work.
"My daughter," Katherine says as she peers up at her. The smirk Elena often sees her wear is long gone. There’s a softness to the way she holds her mouth, even if her jaw seems to tighten slightly. When she glances down at her hands, Katherine’s pinching the sheets before she purposefully smoothes them. "My mother," she continues. "Myself."
"Never your father?" Elena inquires quietly.
Katherine scoffs in amusement. "No," she says with a shake of her head. She looks up at Elena’s open window and the swaying curtains. Her hair shifts within the gentle grip of the midnight breeze. Elena wishes to be the cause of her hair rippling. "I don’t dream of him anymore."
"What about Klaus?" Elena asks.
Katherine glances down and swallows. The twitch in her cheek is the answer Elena hadn’t quite known she had been searching for.
"I dream about being in the car," Elena says, glancing down at Katherine’s fingers. She grips the sheets tightly to her chest to stop herself from reaching out and capturing them. "I dream about being trapped. Did you know they say you should always wear your seatbelt? I used to take that so seriously. It’ll save your life. It’ll be the thing that stops you from flying out of the car. Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I hadn’t listened for once in my life."
Elena shakes her head and exhales loudly through her nose. She’s slow to look up at Katherine, and when she does, she feels her heart skip.
Katherine stares at her with a slightly furrowed brow. She doesn’t stare at her as she had when they’d first come face-to-face in the Salvatore Boarding House. She doesn’t search her face for cracks and weaknesses. What Katherine sees are the craters that life has left behind. She can see what Elena writes about in her journal, purposefully making her handwriting illegible now that she knows Jeremy’s invaded the privacy of her thoughts. It’s to protect him. It’s always to protect him. But her difficult-to-read scribble is to shield herself from being reminded of her helplessness.
"Why are you here?" Elena asks.
Katherine casually looks away and shrugs. "I don’t know," she says before she purses her lips as though the curtains are the most interesting thing in the world. And perhaps they are. Katherine Pierce is the one who grips the shoulders of those she deems lesser and pushes them beneath the water. But Elena can feel her grip at her arms, pulling her upward, uncaring if she so much as pops her arm from her socket.
"You’ve been here all week," Elena says, ignoring the furious beating of her heart. When she’s dreamed of the water, she’s always woken to a dark silhouette watching over her. It’s never the shape of Damon or Stefan. The shape had always been more sinister, more familiar in a way that still frightens her.
Katherine remains quiet for a long moment before she sighs heavily. She rolls her eyes, erecting her sturdy and impenetrable wall, and when she speaks, her voice drips with flippancy, "Because you were there for me when I was living my nightmare." She grits her teeth and traces her top teeth with her tongue. She holds her jaw tightly. She doesn’t look at her. "You could’ve left me there with Klaus, but you didn’t. Do you remember what you said to me when I asked you why?"
Elena grips her sheets tightly between her fingertips. Of course, she remembers. Everyone deserves to be saved. Even after she had learned it was Katherine who had lured Jenna from the safety of her home, she still thought her worthy of saving. She’s working on forgiving her.
"You didn’t deserve to be trapped there," Elena murmurs. "If you were going to die, you deserved to die with dignity."
"I tried to save her," Katherine says, pinching her lips. Her shoulders sag momentarily. "I did," she says earnestly, looking at Elena. Elena remains still, afraid that a mere wriggle will cause a ripple in Katherine’s vulnerability. "I don’t like owing anyone anything."
"I know."
"Especially the likes of you."
Elena can’t help but smile softly at that. "I know."
Katherine exhales roughly before she twists to face her. She keeps her legs off the side of the bed, always ready to flee. "I burnt my mother’s dead body over five centuries ago, and I still feel the flames as though it was only yesterday. Maybe I didn’t want you to feel like I did for five hundred years."
Elena looks away from her for a moment, swallowing against the tightness in her throat. "It’s their anniversary in a few days."
"And you feel guilty for surviving," Katherine states.
Elena tugs her legs closer to her body, wishing to take up less space. How much of herself can Katherine see in Elena’s sheepish expression now? Did she ever look away in guilt? Did she ever think herself unworthy?
Elena knows the answer. She needn’t be her mirror to know that Katerina grew harder because of that guilt.
"That’s the problem with being a Petrova doppelgänger," Katherine says with a defeated exhale. "What doesn’t kill us turns into guilt that eats up our insides."
Elena can’t help but smile at that. "How long have you been thinking of that one?"
Katherine purses her lips and shrugs. "A century."
Elena smiles, and her gut twists strangely at the sight of Katherine smiling, too. She used to think of them as perfect mirrors, but she can see the flaws in the glass. Elena’s hair is straight and tangled while Katherine’s remains curled and neat. Katherine doesn’t know how to let herself smile. Elena knows she smiles too much and never shows her teeth until it’s too late to appear threatening.
"Move over," Katherine says as she stands.
"What?"
"You heard me," she says, planting her hands on her hips. For once, Katherine doesn’t loom over her as a threat. "Don’t make me ask again."
Elena stares at her stupidly for a moment before she picks up her sheets and moves over, making room for Katherine in the bed. Katherine doesn’t tuck herself beneath the blankets, sitting at the headboard with her legs stretched out on the sheets. She still wears her heels.
"Do you wear them everywhere?" At Katherine’s pointedly unamused look, Elena chuckles. "Of course, you do."
"They make me feel safe," Katherine says. She looks at Elena expectantly.
Elena nods, hoping she’s reading her correctly. She sees the twitch in Katherine’s cheek and takes it as her signal to turn over, giving her her back. She holds the sheets tightly to her chest, but she feels the coolness of them drape gently over her bare legs.
Katherine doesn’t move. Elena tries to listen to her, but all she can hear is her own heavy breathing. She tries to make it shallower, but it only sounds rougher to her ears.
She jolts when Katherine wraps an arm over her side. "Sorry," Elena murmurs. Katherine doesn’t utter anything, slowly moving behind her until her body’s pressed against hers. Her heart rampages in her chest as Katherine’s hand brushes against Elena’s before intentionally cupping it. It slows eventually as Elena relaxes against her.
"Why are you doing this?" Elena asks quietly.
Katherine tucks her chin against her shoulder as a reminder that she’s there. She’s there, present in the startling light and not tucked away in the shadows alongside the monsters. Her fingers flex against her hand, but she doesn’t move away. She doesn’t flee as Elena had expected her to. It’s a while before she even seems to acknowledge Elena had asked a question.
"Because I wish someone had made me feel safe," Katherine murmurs. "You did it for me. I don’t want that hanging over my head."
"Of course," Elena says, though there’s no acid in her tone. "You don’t want to be in debt to me."
"It’s bad enough I’m in bed with you," Katherine says. Elena smiles and rests her other hand on top of Katherine’s. "God, I hope you don’t snore."
"Like a freight train," Elena jokes. Katherine groans behind her.
Katherine exhales roughly. Elena keeps her eyes wide open as she watches the shadows play against the wall. Eventually, she relaxes, closing her eyes as she tries her best to listen to Katherine’s quiet breathing.
When she finally falls asleep, she dreams of water. But where the dream would dive off of Wickery Bridge and into the depths of the dark water below, she’s gently guided through shallow waters by an invisible hand during the middle of a bright day. She’s not trapped by her seatbelt or the locked doors around her. She’s free.