Chapter Text
“I would ask how the end of the semester went, but that’s… a little unorthodox this time around,” Bee said with a small laugh. Andrew had to agree.
“Scholastically? Best finals week I’ve ever had,” he said. “And… Neil hasn’t been getting worse. He’s relaxing. So… it’s been fine.”
“That’s wonderful to hear,” Bee said, smiling brilliantly. “With luck, there will be more ups than downs. How is that going, by the way?”
“How is what going?”
Bee gestured vaguely. “Well. You and Neil.”
Andrew hesitated before rolling his eyes and falling back to stretch out across the couch. “You are nosy, Bee.”
“It is what I’m paid to do.”
True. Andrew watched the ceiling fan turn slowly.
“I feel like I can’t be there the way people need after something like that,” he said finally. “I don’t even understand Neil in the first place, but if anything touches too close to what happened… my brain tries to dissociate. And Neil isn’t bothered like that. It’s like its worse for me to hear than for him to recount but that’s the fucking worst - it’s the most selfish thing I’ve ever heard. If someone tried to explain that to me I would tell them they’re a terrible… person. Partner. Whatever.”
“Does Neil expect you to hear out his grievances?”
“No. He barely talks about it at all.”
“Have you explained what’s going on when that happens?”
Andrew hesitated, trying to think back. Neil had been around for one of Andrew’s severe episodes, but that didn’t necessarily explain the rest of the disorder.
“...No.”
“I see. Even if you can’t always be present for something like that, there are always other ways to make sure Neil understands you’re there to support him.”
“Yeah. What… what are we doing today, you said you had a plan.”
“Oh, yes,” Bee said, turning to a new page in her notebook easily. “I did. But I’ve recently changed my mind. New topic.”
“Oh?”
“Mhm. I don’t want to take all of today’s time on it, we’ll circle back. But Andrew, I’d like to go back to your belief that your dissociative disorder makes you a bad partner.”
Andrew paused. He hadn’t said that, he didn’t believe it. He didn’t… he didn’t know he believed it.
The ceiling fan went around again.
God damn it.
“Andrew, what’s the address?” Aaron called from the table. Andrew gave him the address of the apartments they were signing the leases on - two two-bedroom apartments next door to each other, and right now the arrangements were the same. Aaron and Nicky in one, Andrew and Kevin in the other. Honestly, not much more thought had gone into it than said pre-existing arrangements.
“Is yours three bedroom?”
“Two,” Andrew said, meeting him and Neil at the table.
“Mm.” Aaron finished signing his part of the lease and looked around for Nicky. “Where’s Neil staying, then?”
Maybe the ‘pre-existing arrangements’ angle wasn’t as obvious as Andrew had assumed.
“Not with you,” Andrew said flatly.
“Thank god,” Aaron said.
“Bitch,” Neil said easily.
“Asshole,” Aaron returned. “At least you’ll have space for something other than a twin bed.”
Bed size didn’t matter - Andrew knew by now that Neil was a very still sleeper, and if Andrew needed a bed to himself, Neil was fine on the couch. He didn’t feel the need to voice any of this.
Neil waited until Aaron had gone to give Nicky the lease to sign. He looked at Andrew and kept his arms tightly crossed.
“Can I - Kevin just said…” he let out a breath. “Kevin said I could come with you, so I didn’t really, um, think to ask. You. If…”
Andrew reviewed his own words from the past few minutes. And no - he had never explicitly said Neil was welcome in his room or his apartment. So of course Neil had assumed the worst.
Legally, Neil was definitely not welcome in their two bedroom apartment. He would be helping pay rent between all of them when he could, but he was essentially a third person living there. Andrew didn’t feel the need to tell the landlord that was the case. And he was prepared to knife the first person that objected.
“You are an idiot,” he said quietly.
“So explain it to me,” Neil said, and he sounded much more worried this time. “If I need to find another place I can, I -”
“Neil.”
Neil fell silent.
“If you think you cannot stay in this apartment,” Andrew said, putting his fingertips to the lease for himself and Kevin, “You. Are. An. Idiot.”
Neil just watched him, searching Andrew’s eyes once again. His lips moved the smallest bit, again never speaking, until he finally let out a slow breath. He put his head down on his arms, his face turned just enough to Andrew that Andrew could see it was just to calm down. Andrew gave it a beat, then tapped his fingers on the table to warn Neil of the movement before combing a hand through the place Neil’s hair was still longer. Neil’s eyelids fluttered closed.
“Sorry,” Neil mumbled.
“Shut up,” said Andrew.
Andrew removed his hand. Aaron came back to the table with a completed form, picking up Andrew’s to look over. They’d be off campus within the week.
“Congratulations on the move off campus,” Renee said happily. It was the first Tuesday of spring semester, and this time their lunches were an hour later with Renee’s schedule. Andrew’s wasn’t near as busy - he was only taking a few credits, and mostly online. Yet again, this was where he and Neil differed greatly. Andrew’s mental health benefitted from having less human interaction and homework, but Neil thrived on it. Neil was only taking the minimum number of credits to be a full time student, but he was still a full time student. Renee continued, “Who’s all in your apartment?”
“We have two,” Andrew clarified. “Right now it’s the same way our rooms were, but Kevin spends so much time in Aaron and Nicky’s apartment because Aaron and Nicky are always in ours. He likes the quiet to focus. We’re considering switching him and Aaron.”
“That makes sense. So you and Aaron, Nicky and Kevin?”
Sort of. Andrew clicked his chopsticks absently. “Aaron and Neil and I,” he said.
Renee brightened. “You still have Neil! How is he doing?”
“I think he’s doing better,” Andrew said. “I don’t see him too often while he’s in class.”
“Oh, that’s right. Yeah, how are you doing with school back in session? You still only work nights, right?”
“Not at the bar. I’m doing night prep for the bakery cafe thing just off campus.”
“Oh my goodness, really?” Renee covered her mouth before her excitement could make her mouthful of food impolite. “Mm. Allison and I love that place! Do you ever work while it's open?”
“Only a few days,” Andrew said. “Never mornings.”
“I’ll have to start coming later in the day. Ooh, that’s so exciting! How is that, is it a good schedule?”
“Mhm. Just… quieter. Obviously.”
Renee nodded. “I can imagine. Well… with Kevin in the other apartment, would you possibly consider getting a pet to keep you company?”
Andrew paused - he hadn’t meant to even bring up how much the quiet sometimes grated on him, but Renee once again managed to catch it immediately.
“If you want to, you should definitely check out that shelter,” Renee continued. “They deserve all the support they can get.”
Andrew made a small sound.
“I’ll consider it.”
And he did consider it. He thought about it all through the next few weeks, after they did in fact move Aaron and Kevin’s rooms. Kevin did spend some time in their apartment, but not too much compared to the rest. If they were careful, getting a pet wouldn’t be an issue at all.
Not a dog, though. Andrew knew he couldn’t handle a dog. He wasn’t near active enough, even if Neil was, and he didn’t have the time or patience for an animal that needed constant attention. A cat might be nice, he thought, or something smaller.
When he’d decided, Aaron said they could go without him. Andrew accidentally-on-purpose forgot to tell Nicky the plan, so all he needed was to wait until it was only he and Neil.
He draped his jacket over his arm and found Neil in the kitchen, quietly cleaning his lunch dishes.
“Neil,” Andrew said, and threw his keys when Neil turned. Neil fumbled for the catch, but he was successful. He looked at Andrew and took a moment to find his words.
“Are… we going somewhere?”
“Hm.”
Neil glanced around. “O-okay. Where?”
Andrew didn’t reply. He remembered Neil’s face when he first saw Sir as clearly as he remembered breakfast a few hours earlier. Neil would not mind finding another cat. Andrew would like it to be a surprise for him.
He waited by the door for Neil to pull on his sneakers and grab a jacket.
“Am I driving?” Neil asked next, and Andrew sighed as he opened the door for them.
“Yes, I gave you the keys.”
Neil smiled a little. “Maybe you were just trying to make sure I was paying attention.”
Andrew gave a dismissive sound and led the way out to the lot. Once in the driver’s seat, Neil glanced around himself, taking in every detail. It wasn’t as nice as Neil’s old car, but Neil acted like Andrew had just given him something better.
Finally, they started down the road. Andrew gave Neil directions at every turn, and for a few streets he could see the way Neil started to tense. Of course - the shelter was nearer to Neil’s family home.
“I’m not taking you there,” Andrew said simply. Neil glanced over as if surprised Andrew had noticed.
“...Okay.”
And he relaxed, little by little. He leaned back in the seat, one elbow propped beside the window. It wasn’t as electric as Andrew had first imagined, but it was still pleasing to have Neil drive his car.
Halfway down the block to the shelter, Neil’s eyes began shifting, jumping around in recognition.
“Left,” Andrew said finally. Neil turned into the shelter parking lot and for a moment, he tried to fight his smile. That lasted until they were parked. Andrew watched his smile grow, genuine and disbelieving, looking up at the building.
“What are we doing here, Andrew?”
“Replacing you,” Andrew said as he opened his door. He heard Neil’s soft laugh behind the click of the driver’s door.
“Okay. What animal am I? Like, a cat or a dog?”
Andrew considered that for a moment. He wasn’t sure Neil was directly comparable to either. Maybe a hyperactive cat, though.
Out loud, he said, “You can be a raccoon. I find you feral and rooting around my trash.”
Neil laughed again, barely audibly because they were inside now. Neither said much more until they were in the kennels, making their way slowly up and down the well-tended rows.
Andrew let Neil take his time around the dogs. He himself didn’t much care for the feeling of wet noses on his skin, but he liked to watch Neil crouch down to pet or play when the tags on the doors said it was acceptable.
As they approached the cats, Andrew decided he was absolutely right - these were much more his speed. The curious ones came to the front of their crates when Neil and Andrew approached, and the two took turns petting them through the grate. The shyer ones hid at the back or inside their little houses. With so much space to hide around, sometimes there didn’t seem to be anything in them at all.
Andrew was just starting to play with the logistics in his head - would they be more suited for a brave, curious animal or a quiet and self-contained one? - when Neil stopped completely. He blinked at the sign on the door as if to make sure he was reading it right.
Then he pointed at it.
“Andrew.”
Andrew looked over his shoulder to read.
Name: Sir
Age: estimated six months
Sex: female
Andrew also stared at that tag for a while. Surely not.
Then, he thought, of course. Renee wouldn’t be so insistent on this shelter if she didn’t already know Sir would somehow still be here.
Neil clicked his tongue softly, leaning forward to see into the house in the corner. “Sir?” he said, but he couldn’t see in. Without a word, they decided to wait.
A minute or so in, and they were rewarded with a flash of movement. The kitten that came out wasn’t small anymore, and her fur had darkened to a slightly more ginger-blonde, but Andrew recognized those eyes immediately.
She must also have recognized them. She blinked, meowed loudly, and carefully picked her way across the padded floor. Neil smiled, one finger at the grate of the door, but Sir effectively ignored him. Instead, she came to Andrew and meowed again, somehow more insistently. Andrew couldn’t move for a second, but then put his hand to the door just like Neil, and Sir butt her head against the metal between them.
Eventually, Neil said, “I don’t think you have a choice,” and the smile evident in his voice made Andrew ache. He scratched Sir’s head with one finger as well as he could.
Not much of a choice at all.
They went home with Sir in Neil’s lap - not driving this time - and bags of pet supplies in the back seat. When they got there, Nicky naturally almost lost his head. Even Aaron seemed delighted to recognize Sir, squishing her cheeks as she sat in Andrew’s lap. It was loud, and a little chaotic, but they were happy. Even Kevin stopped by just long enough to say hi and watch from the corner of the kitchen.
The real satisfaction didn’t hit until much later. Andrew was in the beanbag, Sir again in his lap - she was independent enough to explore, but it was getting late and the apartment was quieter. He didn’t understand what about him drew her affection, but he couldn’t bring himself to complain just yet. Aaron was laid back on the couch, phone held precariously above his face, and Neil was on the floor beside Andrew. Andrew watched him and Sir play, acutely aware of his own comfort. Strange, still.
“Smile or flip off the camera,” Aaron said suddenly. Neil and Andrew both looked up. Aaron hadn’t sat up, but his phone was now pointed at them, the screen barely in his view to take the picture.
Andrew, ever predictable, did the latter, holding his hand up in front of his face. The phone camera clicked and Aaron brought his phone back to its spot above him.
A minute later, Andrew’s phone vibrated. It got Sir’s attention, going completely still with her paws splayed across Andrew’s belly as she searched for the source. Andrew carefully reached for his jacket pocket, fought off Sir’s attack, and checked the notification.
A text from Aaron. All he’d sent was the picture; Andrew hidden behind his middle finger, Sir staring away from the camera at Neil’s hand, and Neil with his elbow propped on the beanbag beside Andrew. He was smiling, his face half turned away.
Andrew only let himself study it for a few more seconds. Then he took a breath, switched off the phone, and shifted. It made Sir go still again, pupils big and dumb, trying to make sense of the sudden earthquake.
“Take her,” he said, and Neil bravely caught Sir around the middle to lift from Andrew’s lap. Andrew hauled himself up. It was getting late.
A while later, after Andrew was in bed and sleepy, someone knocked on the bedroom door.
“Hm.”
Not turned away, Neil slowly let himself in. He still had Sir in one arm, gently letting her down onto her cat bed by the wall. Andrew let himself glance over more boldly as Neil changed - just a month of really, truly sharing a room, and Neil was more comfortable than Andrew would ever have been in his position. Maybe it was the fact that Neil still didn’t have his own bed.
“Yeah?” he asked, like he did every night. To catch the times Andrew needed him to sleep on the couch, away from him. Tonight, though, Andrew shuffled over and let Neil under the covers beside him.
Just before drifting off, Andrew felt a light thump on the mattress. His eyes shot open, starting to sit up. Neil had done the same, but laughed quietly when they found Sir at the end of the bed, beginning to knead the blankets between their feet. Andrew watched her as his heartbeat returned to normal.
“Hope that’s not gonna be too much of a problem,” Neil asked genuinely, already relaxed on the pillows again. Andrew yawned silently.
“She’ll sleep with you,” he mumbled back, and Neil whispered his approval. Andrew gave Sir a hard look. “I swear to God, if I bought that bed for no reason…”
Sir didn’t answer. She only curled into a ball, purring against Andrew’s ankle, and Andrew sighed before laying down.
And like that - Neil’s hand resting against his, a tiny body between their feet - Andrew slept easily.